I guess hip-hop artist and actor DMX was missing his three squares a day and orange jumpsuit, because he was out driving with no license last night and got arrested. Again. For the third time in two months.

DMX got arrested … for the third time since May.

He was popped in Miami yesterday for driving without a valid driver’s license, according to the local po-po. Why he would do this after getting collared in Arizona on a suspended license just a month ago is anyone’s guess. Of course, he then got nabbed three days later in ‘Zona for animal cruelty and felony drug possession charges.

[From TMZ.com]

Remember that scene in the Jim Carrey movie “Liar Liar,” where one of his repeat offenders calls him after his latest bust, and Jim Carrey screams into the phone, “STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!” DMX needs a lawyer like that. This marks a grand total of 11 times since 1999 that DMX has worn handcuffs and been stuffed into the back of a police cruiser. I’m beginning to think it’s a fetish or something. Some of the arrest charges were kind of lame, like the time he was busted for using “obscene language” during a concert in the Caribbean; or the time he was picked up for “unsafe lane changing.” I’m willing to give him a pass on those. But the guy has multiple animal cruelty, drug and weapons possession, assault and driving without a license charges, too. He thinks the rules don’t apply to him- and serving jail time doesn’t seem to be much of a deterrent. Maybe the next time he winds up in the clink, he should be forced to watch that shitty movie he did with Steven Segal the entire time. THAT might make him think twice.

DMX’s life is really going down the crapper. On Tuesday he was arrested in Arizona for speeding over 100 MPH and driving with a suspended license. In January, a judge ordered him to pay $1.5 million in a defamation suit brought against him by the mother of one of his children. DMX had said in an interview that he didn’t cheat on his wife, because the woman had raped him. He also said he didn’t remember sleeping with the woman, and he’d remember, because she was ugly. So she must have raped him. And last summer, sheriffs took away twelve of the rapper’s pit bulls due to neglect and abuse. So the easy way to sum up DMX’s life right now is that he is physically incapable of doing even one thing right.

But apparently that wasn’t enough for the guy. On Friday, police went to DMX’s home to finally arrest him on animal abuse charges. Did the guy surrender like a normal person? No, he holed up in his room, refusing to come out, and forcing the police to call in the SWAT team.

…the actor-rapper was arrested early Friday at his Phoenix-area home on suspicion of animal abuse and felony drug possession following a search of the house and, before that, a brief standoff with police when he attempted to shut himself up in his bedroom. According to the Maricopa County sheriff’s office, a SWAT team executed a search warrant on DMX’s Cave Creek, Ariz., residence at about 3 a.m. in connection with a seven-month-old investigation into reports that the Cradle 2 the Grave star had a number of malnourished pit bulls on his property.

“A guy like this DMX character with all his money and fame has no excuse for not providing proper care for his animals,” said Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. “He has a long criminal history and obviously has no respect for the law.”

DMX, whose real name is Earl Simmons, tried holing up in his room when the fuzz first arrived, but officers quickly talked him into cooperating, after which they discovered weapons, drugs and five pit bull puppies, which were taken to a nearby prison where female inmates will look after them (the pups, not the guns and drugs).

[From E! News]

DMX is due in court on the charges next week. He was also booked on four counts of drug possession. His lawyer gave some poorly worded speech about how the sheriff just had it in for DMX, because he was videotaped speeding and arrested. And apparently the lawyer thinks the sheriff somehow took that as a personal insult. Um… I’m guessing it definitely served to remind the guy to follow up on some legal issues with DMX, but I don’t think it’s exactly a personal affront.

“I think [that] Earl, when he was caught on video just this week speeding at 114 miles per hour, just rubbed it in [the sheriff’s] face, so the sheriff felt he had to do something. From what I hear, I would’ve been glad to bring Earl in if they ever requested it. I called the sheriff on numerous occasions and never, ever received a phone call.”

[From E! News]

All right then. Next time, it might be a better idea to advise your client not to keep breaking laws, instead of complaining when he gets arrested on new and old charges. Maybe feed your dogs, take care of them, treat them with dignity… and drive less than 114 mph. All those things are likely to keep a sheriff – even one with a personal vendetta – off your back.

We often hear stories of parents that have a bad relationship with each other. But imagine if your dad said your mom raped him, because he didn’t remember having sex with her and she’s so ugly he would remember. Well that’s what rapper DMX’s son has to look forward to when he gets a little older and finds out the dirty details of the first few years of his life. Monique Wayne has just been awarded $1.5 million by a judge in a defamation case against DMX (born Earl Simmons). Wayne gave birth to DMX’s son in 2004, which he denied was his, and denied ever having slept with Wayne. When the paternity test came back and DMX was proven wrong, he publicly claimed that Wayne must have raped him after they met at a Washington D.C. nightclub in 2003.

In the interview [In Sister 2 Sister magazine] — which ran as a cover story in the October 2006 issue of the magazine that featured Simmons and his wife, Tashera, on the cover — DMX was quoted as saying, “She raped me. … That might sound like some bullsh–, [but] is that the only thing in the world that’s not possible? Because when I sleep, my [penis] be out. … DNA says it is [my child]. I don’t know. … If I did [have sex with her], I would remember. It ain’t like she’s a pretty girl.”

[From MTV News]

Yesterday Monique Wayne was awarded $518,400 for compensatory damages and $1 million for punitive damages. Her lawyer said DMX’s claims had nearly ruined Wayne’s life, and it’s not difficult to see how that could happen.

Wayne, who gave birth to a child with Simmons in 2004 and later won a paternity suit and child support, testified in the court hearing that Simmons admitted to her that he made the rape claim in an effort to placate his wife. A spokesperson for DMX could not be reached at press time.

Wayne’s lawyer, Stephanie Moran, told MTV News that her client had suffered “tremendously” as a result of Simmons’ allegedly false statements. “She’s been a resident of Maryland her whole life, she went to school there and works there, and people have come up to her and acted as if they believed the statement [by Simmons], and people can be very cruel,” Moran said. “She wasn’t comfortable going out, she was depressed; and at one point she worked in an environment in human relations in a place where they sold the magazine, and people came up to her in her place of employment [to ask about it].”

[From MTV News]

We could argue all day long about whether it’s possible for a man to be raped. But it DMX wasn’t likely the victim of rape according to a judge. It seems pretty obvious that he committed adultery, got a woman pregnant, and didn’t want to take responsibility. So instead of being a man about it to his wife, he claimed to be a victim and had nothing to do with it. I can’t even imagine that DMX will have any sort of relationship with his son by Wayne. Nothing makes it sound like he’d be interested in one, considering the acrimonious relationship he’s created with his child’s mother.

Famous people seem to be having a lot of issues with dogs lately. There’s Ving Rhames dogs who were found near their caretaker’s dead body (though probably weren’t involved with his death) and the atrocious Michael Vick dog fighting thing. Now rapper DMX has had his dogs taken away by the Maricopa County sheriff, under allegations of cruelty. The dogs weren’t being given food and water – and DMX claims not to have been to the property in two months. Supposedly there was a caretaker who wasn’t doing his job – so it could have been as long as two months that the animals weren’t being cared for properly. In all the sheriffs took away twelve pit bulls. That’s a lot of dogs and would be challenging to care for – that’s not an excuse for not caring for them, but it’s a good reason not to have twelve dogs. For some reason authorities dug up the backyard as well, and found the remains of three other dogs, one of which had been severely burned.

“Sheriff’s deputies raided the home of rapper DMX on Friday, seizing several pit bulls and finding the remains of three other dogs but making no arrests. The Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office received a tip more than a week ago about dogs being kept in inhumane conditions at the Phoenix-area home, said Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Detectives visited the home and then called one of the rapper’s lawyers and told him that the conditions for the animals at the property needed to be improved or deputies would take action, Arpaio said. The dogs were not being fed or given water.

“Authorities returned to the home Friday. The 36-year-old musician and actor, whose real name is Earl Simmons, was not at home during the raid. Simmons’ lawyer, Murray Richman, said Simmons hasn’t been in Arizona for at least two months and was ‘extremely disturbed’ to hear the animals weren’t being cared for properly. ‘We had a caretaker that wasn’t taking care, that’s what happened,’ Richman said. ‘He loves dogs - he loves these animals. Those dogs are practically his family.’

“Richman said he hadn’t been notified of problems at the property until he learned of the raid Friday. Sheriff’s officials said they had contacted another lawyer who works for DMX. Arpaio said the deputies who served a search warrant at the home Friday seized 12 pit bulls tied up on the property and took them to an old jail that has been converted into an animal shelter.

“Deputies found the buried dogs when they dug up the back yard. One had apparently been burned and the cause of death on the others was unknown because the bodies were decomposing.”

[From the Washington Post]

Earlier this month we wrote that DMX was ordered to pay a quarter million dollar settlement to a company he had a merchandising deal with - for dog clothing and accessories. It was called Boomer 129 - named after DMX’s favorite dog. If there’s any truth to the statement that DMX had a caretaker that hadn’t been taking care of the animals, why weren’t they taken care of a week later? Basically the sheriff came in and said they couldn’t keep animals in these types of conditions, and they had a week to fix it. And they didn’t fix it. The excuse about the caretaker doesn’t hold any weight, because they had a week to fire the guy and at least get some food and water to the dogs, and they didn’t. Can you imagine how miserable those poor animals must be in the hot Phoenix sun without water? It’s heart wrenching. Blaming it on the other lawyer is bull. If DMX hasn’t been around to check on his animals in two months, he shouldn’t have them. I hope they find their way to better homes.

Update by Jaybird: Apparently this is NOT DMX’s first run-in with the law due to his dogs. Crazy Days & Nights says “This is not the first time DMX has had a problem taking care of his ‘pets.’ In 2002, DMX plead guilty to animal cruelty for neglecting 13 pit bulls. As part of that sentence he was required to film public service announcements speaking out against animal abuse.”

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s DMX’s back tattoo, done in memory of his pit-bull Boomer, who was killed by a car. Picture is by Michael Schreiber and was found at Altpick.com. Header image of DMX performing at the House of Blues in Chicago on July 26th. Image thanks to PR Photos.

Rapper DMX has been ordered to pay a whopping $242,000 to Amusing Diversions Inc, which makes fancy dog clothes. True story. DMX signed a contract with the company saying that he would promote a line of dog clothing that was named for his dog Boomer 129. The line included all of the doggie essentials: raincoats, caps, bomber jackets and scarves. Apparently things started off alright, but DMX never really fulfilled his end of the contract – he just took the company’s money. He was supposed to endorse the Boomer 129 line at his concerts, TV, and public appearances. Not only did DMX not do that, but he actually promoted the line’s competitors instead, resulting in a severe financial loss for Amusing Diversions.

“The 36-year-old rapper, whose real name is Earl Simmons, was ordered to pay a $242,000 judgment to Amusing Diversions Inc., a company that produced and marketed the canine clothing line, named for his dog Boomer 129.”

[From Fox News]

I was kind of confused or why in the world this company would want DMX to promote their brand. I could see Snoop Dogg, because, well it’d be awesome. But what the hell does DMX have to do with dogs? He has one? That makes 70% of the country eligible to promote doggie wear. Well according to the judge, there’s a very good reason, and she’s hip enough to know it. I am not.

“’DMX, it appears, is known for his growl and bark and is called Pit Bull (which according to the evidence … he has tattooed on his back),’” noted Manhattan state Supreme Court Justice Jane Goodman’s ruling, announced Tuesday.

[From the Associated Press]

If that’s all it takes to get an endorsement deal, I’m going to get an iPod tattooed on my back. And a box of Wheaties. Then between the two deals, I’ll be set for life. Plus I’ll be able to listen to my music wherever I go.

Note by Celebitchy: DMX’s tattoo on his back is in honor of his pitbull Boomer, who was killed by a car. The tattoo says “One Love Boomer.” Aww. In 2003, DMX was said to be working on a Saturday morning cartoon in honor of Boomer, but I’m not sure if anything happened with that as I could find only references to it being in the works.

Picture above is by Michael Schreiber and was found at Altpick.com. Other photos are of DMX performing on 7/26/2006 at the House of Blues, thanks to PRPhotos.