You know what I lay in bed worrying about? What does Donald Trump think of my relationship? Whenever I’m not sure what to do, I remind myself of the letters printed on a bracelet I wear around my wrist: WWDTD? What would Donald Trump do? Would he fight over who has to do the dishes? Would he think it’s okay if I withhold sex as punishment?

Luckily Anne Hathaway doesn’t have to wonder, because the Donald has felt it appropriate to throw his weight behind ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri, and call Anne out for leaving the criminal sleaze bag.

Donald Trump may have a new sparring partner on his hands.

The “Apprentice” head honcho has raised a critical eyebrow at “Get Smart’s” Anne Hathaway for dumping her boyfriend, and Trump Tower resident, Raffaello Follieri, days before he was arrested and charged with fraud.

“She hasn’t remained very loyal to him, has she?” Trump told “Access Hollywood’s” Billy Bush. “So when he had plenty of money, she liked him, but then after that, not as good, right?”

Trump said this week, prior to Follieri being taken into custody and his bail set at $21 million, Trump Tower has been surrounded by media.

[From Access Hollywood]

Yeah, what a terrible person Anne Hathaway is for not sticking around once it became clear her boyfriend really was a scumbag criminal. So far there’s no way to know exactly how much Anne Hathaway knew, and if she realized Follieri was committing a crime. I’m guessing she probably was aware of it on some level but deluded herself.

On the other hand, Donald Trump does have a little bit of a point. Which makes me pretty damn mad. Because I should never have to write a sentence like that. The Daily News says that Follieri’s pals all think Hathaway ratted him out to the FBI before he was arrested. If so, she obviously knew some useful stuff. I’m guessing she broke up with him because of her own PR needs. Though really, that would have been a great reason to break up with the guy a long time ago. I hate it when Donald Trump is right.

This story just goes to show that even if you’re rich, you can still have the same money problems as everyone else. Most of us assumed that former “Tonight Show” sidekick Ed McMahon was set for life, but when the news broke a couple of weeks ago that he was about to lose his house to foreclosure, it illustrated that the downward housing spiral was affecting people of all income levels. Now, it’s revealed that Ed is also a victim of the credit crunch- thanks to the spending habits of his wife, Pamela.

The one word that’s turning Ed McMahon from baller to beggar: Plastic.

Our sources tell us Pamela McMahon, Ed’s wife of 16 years, is literally spending him onto the street. We hear she’s completely “oblivious” to the late night legend’s cash troubles, and shops like their life depended on it. Her AmEx bill is legendary — the couple reportedly owes nearly $750K.

That’s causing an issue for Ed’s friends, who are conflicted about bailing him out. They don’t want to see their 85-year-old friend foreclosed on and homeless, but they also don’t want to encourage Pamela’s passion for Prada.

And to add insult to injury, now Donald Trump wants to exploit Ed’s sad situation for publicity. The blowhard famewhore has made a public “offer” to help the “Bloopers” star, but that’s news to Ed. Trump’s only reached out to the public — not the McMahons — as you think he might. A source close to Ed tells us the “people who are talking publicly aren’t necessarily the ones who are helping.” We hear there are others who “quietly” are trying to assist.

Ed’s rep denies Pamela’s spending is the reason for their troubles — the rep says she’s not “extravagant.”

[From TMZ]

Personally, I wouldn’t take a dime from Donald Trump. I’d sell everything I owned before accepting help from that jackass, because he’d never let you live it down. But then again, I’d also have a hard time lending money to someone with a $750,000 American Express bill. That’s almost a million bucks in purchases! What could she possibly be buying? Donald may be Ed’s only hope! If I were Ed, I would have quietly taken the AmEx and put it through a shredder years ago. He must have a hard time saying no.

Ed and Pamela McMahon are shown at the Cinema City International Film Festival on 9/29/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

There are all different levels of bad ideas. There’s obvious ones like walking into traffic, and less obvious ones, like spending the day with Mel Gibson – it could go either way. But pretty much anything having to do with OJ Simpson is guaranteed to be a bad idea. It could even be spending a day with OJ Simpson petting kittens, and I assure you, something really, really bad will come of it. According to Page Six, OJ has expressed his desire to appear on Celebrity Apprentice – and Donald Trump and NBC are vaguely considering it.

It looks like there could be “killer” ratings in store for TV’s “The Celebrity Apprentice” if OJ Simpson gets his way. Page Six has learned the creepy double-murder acquittee has asked Donald Trump to allow him to appear on the top-rated NBC show next season. “Simpson really wants to do it. Trump and NBC are thinking about it, but are being very cautious,” our source said. “There’s a certain amount of heat associated with Simpson.”

[From the New York Post]

A certain amount of heat? That’s the understatement of the year. Yeah there’s generally some heat associated with murderers. Especially when you put them on reality shows. I wonder in what capacity Simpson would like to appear? Does he want to be one of the contestants, or is he hoping to appear in one of the challenges? Here’s an idea for a challenge: spend three hours in a room with OJ and try not to suffer a panic attack resulting from the absolute assurance that you will wind up with a slashed throat. That was somehow your fault.

Everyone knows Donald Trump loves attention, and any kind of publicity is alright with him. And I pick on Donald a lot. But if he has the basic class to pass on this and not give OJ Simpson any more attention, I promise to make fun of him one less time a month. Or at least I’ll do my best.

Donald Trump must really be bored as crap right now. He hasn’t been in the gossip pages – or any pages, really – in quite some time. So what do you do when all you’ve got to entertain yourself is watch your comb over bat around in the breeze? Attack Rosie O’Donnell again! Donald seems absolutely intent on resurrecting the old feud – really, when else has he gotten so much attention?

Last week the Globe published a story accusing O’Donnell of being abusive towards her 13-year-old son. She’s shown grabbing his arm in a photo. Not exactly the beat-down you’d expect, given the nature of the article. But of course Donald Trump saw an opportunity to get some attention for himself, and jumped on the horn to blab about it to anyone who’d listen.

“Well I think Rosie is a very abusive person,” he told Access Hollywood on the Miss USA pageant red carpet. “She’s a slob and I’m not surprised to see it.” Rosie was pictured in the accompanying article to the headline, in an apparent argument with the tall pre-teen and in one photograph she is seen grabbing his left arm. “I would imagine that being her son is not fun. I know Rosie very well… She’s a very bad person,” Trump added.

Yesterday, Rosie herself lashed out at the tabloid story with the help of her wife, Kelli Carpenter. “Kelli, come say ‘Hi’ to the bloggers. Honey, come say hi! Are you scared of my abusive parenting ways honey?” Rosie asked, referring to the story. “Um, no,” Kelli responded to Rosie’s question. “I would assume that any mother [out] there that has a 12 or 13-year-old boy has grabbed him by the arm.”

[From Access Hollywood]

I love the “I know Rosie very well.” Something tells me that to know Rosie very well, you’d either have to be her friend, a family member, or her coworker. Donald is none of those things. Having an angry obsession with someone is not the same as knowing them very well. I imagine that he has a whole little library stocked with Rosie O’Donnell paraphernalia that he angrily studies every night before he goes to bed.

There really is nothing that man won’t say. What is the logic behind “she’s a very abusive person… she’s a slob and I’m not surprised to see it.” Let’s ignore the fact that he’s attacking her appearance again (Donald, look in a mirror) – how is being a slob indicative of someone being abusive? “She doesn’t comb her hair often enough, and her house has magazines strewn about. Of course she’s an abusive person.” I really will relish the day someone finds something criminal on this man.

Here’s Rosie signing copies of her book “Crafty U: 100 Easy Projects the Whole Family Can Enjoy All Year Long” at Barnes & Noble in New York on Tuesday. Images thanks to PR Photos. Header of Donald last night at the The 57th Annual Miss USA Competion held at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas. Images thanks to WENN.

I knew it was going to happen, but that doesn’t make it any less disgusting. America’s most famous hooker, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, has been invited by Donald Trump to join the cast of his new MTV reality show. Commence groaning now.

An insider at Donald Trump’s newly announced My Fair Lady-style MTV reality show tells PEOPLE that infamous call girl Ashley Alexander Dupré has been asked to join the cast.

The still-untitled show, produced by Donald Trump Productions (and referred to in some press reports as “Lady or a Tramp”) was picked up by MTV for eight hour-long episodes. Based on a British show called Ladette to Lady, the show will take a group of 15 hard-partying young women and send them off to a boarding school environment where they’ll learn to become more ladylike.

“She’s the perfect candidate,” the show insider says of Dupré, the 22-year-old at the center of the Gov. Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal. The show has not yet heard back from Dupré with any reaction to the offer.

Donald Trump could not immediately be reached for comment.

The Donald has had some experience reforming hard-partying young women in the past, of course. He famously sent Miss USA Tara Conner to rehab and gave her a “second chance” to keep her crown in December of 2006.

[From People]

I hate Donald Trump- and now, I have a whole new reason for my hatred. Since his last few seasons of “The Apprentice” were boring and contrived and nobody watched, he’s looking to include controversial people to the cast of his new show. However, the last thing this stupid little hobag Dupre needs is a reality show. She’s already an attention whore in addition to being a professional whore! What should happen is that she becomes a pariah and fades into obscurity where she belongs. I really hope this show tanks.

This year’s Miss USA pageant is shaping up to be even more annoying than usual, if that’s possible. In addition to the standard fare of helmet hair, vaseline smiles, swimsuits and stupid questions that somehow always lead to the answer “World Peace,” the Donald Trump-produced cheesefest will also feature Donny and Marie Osmond as hosts.

Donnie [sic] and Marie Osmond will host the upcoming Miss USA pageant. The Miss Universe Organization says the brother-and-sister, song-and-dance stars will perform on the NBC Universal show April 11 from the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino on the Las Vegas Strip. The network owns the pageant with real estate mogul Donald Trump.

Pageant executives say the telecast will represent the first time Donny and Marie Osmond have hosted a prime-time show together since 2000.

[From Associated Press]

As if a Donny and Marie reunion wasn’t reason enough to send you screaming from your television set, guess who’s signed on as a judge for the pageant? None other than that one-legged lawyer-soaker, Heather Mills.

“Extra” has exclusively learned that Heather Mills has been booked as a judge for The Miss USA Pageant, scheduled to take place on April 11 in Las Vegas.

Mills was a contestant on last season’s “Dancing with the Stars.” She was just been awarded almost $50 million in her divorce settlement with Sir Paul McCartney.

[From ExtraTV]

I really don’t see how this show could get any worse, unless Donald Trump decided to compete in the swimsuit portion of the evening. I guess you could turn it into a drinking game- every time Heather Mills says something crazy, you do a shot. And every time Marie Osmond plugs her creepy dolls, you chug a beer. You’ll be wasted by the time the talent competition starts- which, if you think about it, is the only way to watch this crap.

Donny and Marie Osmond are shown performing at the Osmond Family reunion on 8/14/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

I’m not going to insult you by telling you this is the most important story you’re going to read about today. But you know what is important? Putting Donald Trump in his place. So while it doesn’t compare to the war, the election, or the writer’s strike (had to get my plug in there), it’s always a little uplifting to learn that the Donald has been bitch slapped. Especially in a public forum.

It seems the Trump had hundreds of 10-foot-high ficus trees planted around his Trump National Golf Club in Rancho Palos Verdes California. He didn’t bother to get permission from the city (because why play fair or give a rip about anyone else when you’re Donald Trump) and blocked the ocean views of many of the club’s neighbor. This didn’t bother Donald of course, as he said he just planted the trees to block the view of the “unsightly” houses. Something tells me ocean view houses in Rancho Palos Verdes aren’t that unsightly. Maybe to the Donald, but his idea of beauty is Las Vegas-gold-and-marble everything. Have you ever seen pictures of the interiors of his homes? They look like the MGM Grand on crack.

The council is slated to take the final step of finding the hedge in violation of the property’s permit on Dec. 18, after which time Trump will have three weeks to remove the plantings. The real estate mogul said he would be relocating the ficus trees to another one of his properties, but expressed his displeasure with the city’s ruling.

“The city council should be ashamed of its decision,” Trump told the Torrance Daily Breeze. “It’s very sad that the town is willing to destroy this beautiful hedge. There’s no plant as beautiful as the ficus, and no plant that does the trick like the ficus.”

Mayor Doug Stern disagreed with Trump’s rave review of the ficus, indicating that as far as he was concerned, the sooner the trees were gone, the better. “I wish they could be out by Christmas, that would make a great Christmas present,” Stern said.

[From E! News]

Yeah I’m sure what Trump really cares about are the trees. He’s such an avid environmentalist after all. What he cares about is the public bruise to his ego. Can you imagine having to follow the same rules as everyone else and not being given special treatment for having millions of dollars and famously bad hair? Astounding! Seriously, the Donald is as out of touch with reality as it gets. Do you think there’s any way in hell he doesn’t know that everyone makes fun of his terrible hair? And yet has he ever made any effort to fix it? No. Because that would be giving in. Do I think there’s any chance he’ll actually cooperate and get rid of the trees? No, because that would also be giving in. Alright I know those don’t relate at all. But his hair is so bad that it’s beyond the point of funny – it actually makes me mad. When I see photos of him, I can feel my blood pressure rising in anger. Not that anyone could be so selfish, or so cocky, or so stupid. It bothers me that anyone could let himself have such bad hair. The rest I can get over, but that shit on his head is just inexcusable.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Donald and his current wife (until she has the nerve to age) Melania Trump at The Barrymore Theatre in New York City, on November 2nd. Is it me, or are they starting to look alike? They have a matching icy glare. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Another season of The Apprentice is upon us, but this time it is going to have celebrities competing for the chance to be Donald Trump’s slave. A and B-List celebrities are hardly going to compete for the chance to be the Don’s gofer, but this celebrity reality show actually has some performers you may have heard of:

Trace Adkins, country music singer
Stephen Baldwin, actor
Carol Alt, model
Marilu Henner, actor
Vincent “Big Pussy” Pastore, actor
Lennox Lewis, boxer
Nadia Comaneci, Olympian
Gene Simmons, rock star
Tito Ortiz, fighter
Piers Morgan, America’s Got Talent judge
Tiffany Fallon, Playmate
Omarosa, Apprentice Alumni
Jennie Finch, Olympian
Nely Galan, Galan Entertainment

[From E! News]

Okay, do we call Gene Simmons the former rocker from Kiss, or a reality tv star? Because there was that show where he had cosmetic surgery…

Trump claimed that 125 celebs begged to be on the show, but he narrowed it down to 14. I’m not sure if these 14 were chosen based on television appeal, or celebrity status, because if it’s status than I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard of the remaining 111. While I haven’t heard of most of the celebs appearing on the apprentice, I at least can see they’ve done something, like compete in the Olympics or made a country music CD. A recent celebrity reality show in New Zealand just featured losers from previously screened reality shows. Which nobody watched.

Supervising the contestants will be Donald Jr and Ivanka Trump. I got very excited when I saw them on the publicity photos because I thought they were competing.

The celebs won’t win a contract with the Don, instead they’ll be raising money for charity by completing challenges in Manhattan and it’s surrounds. The winner of the series will receive a $250,000 donation to the charity of their choice.

Given their earning capability, I’m pretty sure they’d rather have the cash for themselves.

Hold on to you hairpieces kids! More of “The Donald” is set to hit a television set near you. Families and couples will be set up with Trump in meetings that discuss finances and relationships. The plan is for the advice and Trump antics to be aired in 2008.

“Property tycoon Donald Trump can add another high-profile role to his résumé–as a TV counselor and legal advisor. The billionaire, 71, is in talks to offer advice to members of the public engaged in financial disputes as part of a hybrid show described as “Dr. Phil meets Judge Judy.”

[Hollywood]

Donald has had some practice when it comes to dolling out his views on money related subjects. He made an appearance on “Oprah” to face off with former “Apprentice” hopefuls and throw out a few freebies on making finances grow. Such gems included:

“Surround yourself with people that are full of ideas, and people that are not going to be “yes-men.” Surround yourself with smart, truthful, honest people. Only invest in what you know, or invest with people who are really good and have a great financial track record. Do a little research. Look at the paper and look at the rate of returns. Put your money in one of those funds.”

I am cringing at the thought of all this. Why would Trump be ideal for advising others on relationships and money? How many times has he been married? How many times has been bankrupt or on the verge of bankruptcy? It is like asking Lindsay Lohan for advice on remaining sober.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Donald Trump is shown at the launch of his “Trump Home Luxury Lifestyle Collection” (I wish I were making that up) at Macy’s on 7/19/07.

You know what I love? When famous pots call even more famous kettles black. Or in this case, short and ugly. In this case the Pot would be Donald Trump (who is sort of shaped like a pot, if you try to see it) and the kettles would be George Clooney and Angelina Jolie. Donald Trump has the delusional self-confidence that causes men to strap a pair of wings to their backs and jump off tall buildings. Actually, that might be a very good thing for Trump to consider. I’m sure his hair would add some type of aerodynamicness… aerodynamicality… aerodynamicosity… I don’t know the right word - to the freefall. Trump was on Larry King Live on Monday, in an effort to pimp his new book “I’m a Great Big Blowhard, and You Can Be Too” – or something like that. In the interview, he managed to slam George Clooney a little bit, and Angelina Jolie a lot.

KING: You say George Clooney is little and much shorter in person. You describe Angelina Jolie as not good looking in any way, not a beauty.

All right, first, George Clooney is someone…

TRUMP: No, George — I don’t know George Clooney. But I met him once.

KING: He’s 5′10″.

TRUMP: Is he?

KING: I think so, yes.

TRUMP: I think you’re taller than he is. But it doesn’t matter.

KING: I’m 5′10″.

TRUMP: I did a chapter on perception. The perception of George Clooney is he’s a big, strong handsome guy. He’s a handsome guy. He’s a nice guy. I mean I really don’t know him. I met him once. A nice guy.

KING: Married.

TRUMP: So I’m just saying anything bad about him. I’m just saying this was a chapter on perception in business and life and different things. One of the perceptions I had of George Clooney was he was this big, strong guy. And he was very little when I met him. It’s OK. Nothing wrong with it. He’s doing just fine.

Angelina Jolie…

KING: So you’re writing about perception, not against him?

TRUMP: I’m — oh, no, no. Nothing to do with George Clooney. I mean, I thought he was very nice, but I only met him for a short period of time. But the perception is this, you know, different kind of a guy. And when I met him, I was very surprised.

Angelina Jolie is sort of amazing because everyone thinks she’s like this great beauty. And I’m not saying she’s an unattractive woman, but she’s not beauty, by any stretch of the imagination. And now she’s like a representative of the United Nations and world peace on hunger and all of this crap.

And I remember at the Academy Awards a few years ago she was Frenching her brother. She was giving her brother lip kisses like I never saw before in my life. And she had just said she made love to Billy Bob Thornton in the back of the limousine on the way over. And I wouldn’t want to shake her hand, by the way. You know, you get back into the — I wouldn’t want to have shaken her hand. But she’s being interviewed and she’s all over the guy.

About three weeks later, he got caught cheating with about 15 different girls and she was gone. But she had just made love with him coming over to the Academy Awards.

And now she’s like this great beauty who is representing world peace and the United Nations. It’s called give me a break. But she’s not — in terms of beauty, she’s not a great beauty. She’s a nice looking woman. She’s OK. But she’s not a great beauty.

KING: And it’s your opinion.

TRUMP: Well, it’s my opinion.

KING: (INAUDIBLE).

TRUMP: I really understand beauty. And I will tell you, she’s not — I do own Miss. Universe. I do own Miss. USA. I mean I own a lot of different things. I do understand beauty, and she’s not.

But what I really don’t like is if you look at her — and I watched. I was watching television four years ago. And I see her brother and I see her. And then I see them lip locked. I don’t mean like, you know, giving your brother a kiss. And I said that’s really gross.

And then I see what she said about, you know, Billy Bob Thornton and what they were doing on the way to Academy Awards. And now she’s representing the United Nations and world peace. I don’t get it.

[From CNN.com]

Sometimes I forget about old Angelina, who used to cut herself with knives when she was bored, wore a vial of Billy Bob Thorton’s blood around her neck, and shove her tongue down her brother’s throat. But no matter what, I always thought she was beautiful. Maybe not attractive… because I generally find blood less than sexy, not to put that judgment on others. If nothing else, she’s certainly made a drastic change in her life, and has really grown up into a remarkable woman. And frankly, I don’t consider 5’10 all that short. I definitely thought George Clooney was taller than that, but he has a large frame, so he still looks pretty well built. What I love is the thought that Donald Trump is a great judge of beauty. How can he say that, and then look in the mirror and not feel ill? I don’t think that man will ever understand the concept of glass houses.