Lady Gaga covers the May issue of Harper’s Bazaar, and the bizarre photo shoot was done by Terry Richardson, if you couldn’t have guessed. Gaga is wearing those cheek things again – they kind of gross me out. As for the interview… uh… Gaga is coked out of her mind during the interview. Seriously, read it here. I’ll just do the highlights:

The conversation about her “spiny” prosthetics:

How long does it take to apply the makeup and prosthetics to her face and arms?

“Well, first of all,” she says, “they’re not prosthetics. They’re my bones.”

Okay, so when did the bones appear?

“They’ve always been inside of me, but I have been waiting for the right time to reveal to the universe who I truly am.”

Did she will them to come out for this album?

“They come out when I’m inspired.”

Is she worried that this new look will inspire other people to “grow” similar bones?

“We all have these bones!” she says tersely. “They’re the light from inside of us. Do you mean body modification?”

On being Born This Way: “It’s a performance-art piece. I have never, ever encouraged my fans or anyone to harm themselves, nor do I romanticize masochism. Body modification is part of the overarching analysis of ‘Born This Way.’ In the video, we use Rico, who is tattooed head to toe [including a skull on his face]. He was born that way. Although he wasn’t born with tattoos, it was his ultimate destiny to become the man he is today.”

On plastic surgery: “I have never had plastic surgery, and there are many pop singers who have. I think that promoting insecurity in the form of plastic surgery is infinitely more harmful than an artistic expression related to body modification. And how many models and actresses do you see on magazine covers who have brand-new faces and have had plastic surgery, while I myself have never had any plastic surgery? I am an artist, and I have the ability and the free will to choose the way the world will envision me.”

On assimilation: “I had all these No. 1 records, and I had sold all these albums, and it was sort of this turning point: Am I going to try and embrace Hollywood and assimilate to that culture? I put my toe in that water, and it was a Kegel-exercise vaginal reaction where I clenched and had to retract immediately. I ran furiously back to New York, to my old apartment, and I hung out with my friends, and I went to the same bars.”

On being seen as promoting plastic surgery? “Trust me, I know that. I think a lot of people love to convolute what everyone else does in order to disempower women. But my fans know me. They would never hurt themselves. And if they have hurt themselves, they come to me and say, ‘Gaga, I want to stop, and your music helps me want to stop. Your music makes me want to love myself.’ I am in no way promoting sadomasochism or masochism.”

She thinks that after Alexander McQueen’s suicide, he began working through her: “I think he planned the whole thing: Right after he died, I wrote ‘Born This Way.’ I think he’s up in heaven with fashion strings in his hands, marionetting away, planning this whole thing.” Supporting Gaga’s claim was the decision by the label–not Gaga herself–to move up the release date for “Born This Way,” ultimately to the exact day of the one-year anniversary of McQueen’s death. “When I heard that, I knew he planned the whole damn thing. I didn’t even write the f-cking song. He did!”

She’s happy to respond to recent claims: “I’m not engaged, and I’m not a drug addict, but thank you for asking.”

She‘s delusional: “I’ve always wanted to be an adjective,” she says with a smile. But she adds, “Back then, I was just delusional. I’m going to make a T-shirt that says, I’M NOT A PROPHET, I’M DELUSIONAL.”

Her motto: “You can quote me on this: People love you when they think you won’t be around for very long, and people hate you when they can’t get rid of you. But I’m not going anywhere.”

[From Harper’s Bazaar]

The part about McQueen was just… wrong. Beyond that… I just don’t even know where to start with this one, so instead I’ll tell you a story about my mom. My mom has convinced herself that her favorite cat, Charlie, is gay. Charlie is a sweet kitty – he’s beautiful too, all fluffy white fur with a few grey patches. He has sweet little weepy eyes and he sleeps with my mom every night, and the other cats beat him up. My mom said, “He can’t help it, I made him this way.” I replied, “No, mom. As Gaga would say, Charlie was Born This Way.”

Photos courtesy of Harper’s Bazzar.

This story is in the National Enquirer, so it could be made up but it does have a ring of truth to it. According to the Enquirer, Barbara Walters is upset at Whoopi Goldberg for admitting she was baked when she accepted her Academy Award in 1991 for Ghost. Babs told Whoopi not to talk about drug use on air, since she could potentially make it sound like illegal drugs were cool, etc. The way The National Enquirer words it makes it sound like Whoopi admitted on The View that she was stoned at Oscars. However I can’t confirm that at all and only found this video from 1992 that TMZ recently posted where Whoopi owned up to it. I vaguely remember Whoopi talking about pot use on The View, and the last time I could verify that she discussed it was in October of last year, when she never admitted it outright but advocated legalization. (Link leads to the same video that we have below.) At that point Barbara sounded cautious but supportive of legalizing pot, but I could also see her telling Whoopi to knock it off after getting some angry letters from viewers when Whoopi’s admission surfaced. There was also that incident in July where Whoopi seemed baked out of her mind on The View and had admitted to just getting off a flight.

Barbara Walters and her “View” co-host Whoopi Goldberg are locked in a “smokin’” feud – over Whoopi’s pot use!

After Whoopi admitted she was high at the 1991 Academy Awards show, irate “View”-ers deluged Barbara with e-mails, letters and phone calls, and she asked Whoopi to tone down her tlak about dope smoking, a source revealed.

“According to Barbara, viewers were angry because Whoopi was basically saying smoking pot is OK, while they’re trying to convince their kids that it’s not,” a source on “The View” set told The Enquirer.

“Barbara has said that Whoopi is acting like an advocate to legalize marijuana, and she doesn’t like it. She’s told her in no uncertain terms to stop glamorizing the use of illegal drugs on the air,” the source added….

“That’s the type of admission that’s caused problems on ‘The View.’ Many of the women in the show’s target audience are mothers who are pretty conservative when it comes to drugs.

“Barbara has reiterated to Whoopi that they’re on ‘The View’ to entertain and inform, not to offend.

“Whoopi doesn’t appreciate having to censor herself, but she told Barbara that she’d make an effort to tone it down.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, April 19, 2011]

I’m surprised anyone can work for Barbara Walters for an extended period of time. She seemed like such a nasty shrew on her book tour and in the few episodes of The View that I’ve watched with Barbara it’s like she’s lecturing everyone on the panel and brings a chill over the room. I like Whoopi and am glad she found a home on daytime talk TV. It’s not like I’m going to watch that show because of her or Joy, though. I have better things to do and I’d rather avoid having to listen to Elisabeth or Barbara at all.

Here are Barbara, Whoopi and the rest of the panel discussing the potential legalization of marijuana in California last October, which of course never happened. Whoopi was saying that weed smokers don’t really leave the house and endanger others like drunk drivers. She joked that she wasn’t speaking “from experience.” I doubt she talks about getting high on the show, and it’s not her fault an old video surfaced online.

Whoopi on air in July. She was “jet lagged” and admitted she took some drugs to sleep on the flight.

Photos of high looking Whoopi are from December, credit: PRPhotos. She looks like she should be on that Hocus Pocus movie. Remember that?

According to multiple audience members, video footage and just about every outlet that reported on it, Charlie Sheen’s first live show in Detroit for his “Violent Torpedo of Truth” tour was a complete and utter bomb. Shock. The audience started booing, multiple people walked out, and Charlie was the same narcissistic ranting nutjob that we’ve come to know through his countless interviews and YouTube videos. I don’t know why we expected anything else, although I was thinking that he might have a good production team to help him channel the crazy into something watchable. At least I didn’t waste my money on that hope as so many other people did.

Surprisingly Charlie’s second show, in Chicago on Sunday night, was supposedly ok, like he hit his stride, self-corrected and was able to deliver a decent performance. He’s even said to have received a standing ovation, although reports are mixed as to how well he actually did.

Charlie Sheen, currently on his 20-city My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option tour, received a standing ovation at the Chicago Theatre on Sunday night, after bombing the night before in Detriot.

The former Two and a Half Men star, 45, made some bold changes to the format of the program after disappointed fans left the Detroit show calling for refunds, leading the the media to speculate how much longer the tour would continue.

By Sunday, Sheen had eliminated a rapper who was his opening act, his stream-of-consciousness ramblings, and various pre-taped video highlights of his career in lieu of a talk show format in which the actor discussed the “odyssey” that is his life, both personally and professionally.

A modest Sheen dubbed his Chicago show “the most epic night in Chicago f**king history.”

“It was a canny shift of the show’s tone, from epic self-aggrandizement to a more casual, at times even likable, persona,” the Chicago Tribune’s Steve Johnson wrote.

Sheen addressed his Detroit debacle during Sunday’s show, reading a letter he wrote to the Windy City citizens.

He said, “Dear f **king awesome Chicago. I am a veteran of a disturbing odyssey that had me question the very nature of my soul… I am speaking, of course, about last night in Detroit.”

Johnson wrote that “the Chicago crowd was ready to please him, too, delivering an unbidden ‘Detroit Sucks’ chant right away.”

Sheen finished his act strong in Chicagoland, according to the Chicago Sun-Times.

“Following tepid applause and a scattered standing ovation, lots of patrons wasted no time filing out,” the paper wrote. “A number of them stuck around as Sheen lingered onstage handing out T-shirts to folks in the crowd.

[From Radar Online]

I was ready to put a fork in Charlie’s pickled liver, but he might just find a niche in bringing the crazy around the country. Or he could continue to be hit or miss. I’ll be surprised if he managed to make all his tour dates for even a couple of weeks.

Charlie in Chicago talking about the bad reception he got in Detroit. At least that’s he claims he’s talking about. The audience is straight out of Jerry Springer.

Charlie is shown yesterday in Chicago. Credit: WENN.com. There are also two photos from his Twitter account

Yesterday we saw photos of Lindsay Lohan looking like she’s back on her drug(s) of choice. She looked haggard, like she’d lost at least 10 pounds in the last couple of weeks, and her pupils were pinpricks. It would be sad if it wasn’t so predictable and she wasn’t such an entitled piece of work who continues to commit crimes and think she can get away with it.

The latest in Lindsay Lohan news is that she’s squeaking by, of course, on a potential assault charge stemming from that time in December that she skipped out of court-ordered rehab, got drunk and then got abusive with a rehab employee when she tried to call authorities about it. The Betty Ford employee involved then blabbed to the gossip press, got fired, then was rumored to be in negotiations to get paid off by the Lohans not to press charges. Then the Lohans stiffed the woman of course, and she got another attorney.

Radar Online has the news that no charges will be fired. They also have insider information straight from Mommy crackhead about how Lindsay reacted. She was thrilled to learn that she would not face any consequences, yet again, for behaving very badly.

Dina Lohan broke the news to her daughter Lindsay that she would not be charged with any wrongdoing in connection with an altercation at the Betty Ford Center, the troubled actress told her mom: “Great, Awesome. Thanks Mommy. Goodnight!”, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned.

Dina, upon herself learning that charges will not be filed against Lindsay, told RadarOnline.com Tuesday night: “I have known all along my daughter was innocent.”

As RadarOnline.com previously reported, officials with the Riverside County District Attorney told us they were not filing charges “due to insufficient evidence” to prosecute Lindsay, 24, in the alleged December 12, 2010 altercation with staffer Dawn Holland at the Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, California.

Holland accused the Mean Girls star of throwing a phone at her, after she allegedly caught the actress drinking and violating curfew, spurring an investigation from the Palm Desert Police Department as to whether Lohan had violated her probation in the incident.

“I only found out that the D.A. wouldn’t be filing charges today after reading RadarOnline.com,” Dina, 48, told us. “Our lawyer hadn’t even had the chance to contact us yet with the news.”

Dina said her famous daughter was elated upon learning she’d have one less legal hurdle to overcome.

“Lindsay didn’t know until Tuesday night and when I texted her the good news, she was at a charity event and she texted me back, ‘Great, Awesome! Thanks Mommy. Goodnight!’”

“We are all just so relieved, we were all waiting for the truth to come out that Lindsay was innocent,” the Long Island native told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

“Lindsay has been working on her sobriety: she has been following the Betty Ford program and they have been supportive throughout this entire experience,” Dina said. “They stood behind her and had faith in her the whole time.”

“I have known all along my daughter was innocent,” Dina said. “I am just so happy this is over with.”

[From Radar Online]

When Dina talks, this is what she’s really saying. “Lindsay is innocent, she is sober, we are famous celebrities. Give us free cake and jewelry and don’t you dare tell us we can’t have it or we’ll hit you and call the cops on you. We’re the Lohans, only we’re not using that name anymore since our dad is even more of an embarrassment than we are. You know us, we deserve whatever we want, and we deserve it now. Lindsay is a famous hardworking movie star who everyone is jealous of and out to get, including the shopowners, police department, gossip press, random commenters on the Internet, judges and prosecutors. You’ll see, she’s innocent and she’s sober and she’s going to go back to work and get an Oscar. We’ll be vindicated and then all the stores in the world will be open to us, waiting for us to come and take what’s ours.”

Lindsay is shown yesterday. Dina is shown on 3/13/11 out with Lindsay in New York. Look at the difference in Lindsay in just a couple of weeks.

3/13/11

3/28/11

Charlie Sheen’s dad Martin has expressed a lot of sympathy for his son’s drug addiction, and has reportedly tried to stage multiple interventions. Charlie has totally dismissed his dad and brother Emilio Estevez’s help when he’s been asked about it – of course. He’s said “I’m not interested in your rhetoric right now and “I’m 45 years old, and I’m not interested in people treating me like a 12-year-old.” Martin seems to think that’s exactly the case, though, and that once Charlie started using heavily his emotional growth was stunted at that point. He revealed this in an interview with British paper The Telegraph, and he also talked about how he struggled with alcoholism while he was shooting “Apocalypse Now.” Martin was 36 at the time, and got sober when he was around 50. Charlie is now 45.

Martin Sheen understands the “hell” son Charlie Sheen is going through.

He believes that Charlie, despite being 45, is still “emotionally” a child. “Because when you’re addicted, you don’t grow emotionally. So. when you get clean and sober you’re starting at the moment you started using drugs or alcohol,” the actor tells the U.K’s Telegraph magazine. “You’re emotionally crippled.”

Sheen, 70, has been through similar difficulties, he concedes: “I know what hell he’s living in. I’ve had psychotic episodes in public. One of them was on camera – the opening scene of Apocalypse Now. … I know what Charlie is going through. And when you do something like that, that is out of control, that’s the most difficult thing. You have to have courage.”

Courage and faith are required, adds the committed Catholic, whose latest movie, The Way, costars his son Emilio Estevez, 48, who also wrote and directed the father-son drama.

“Faith can help all of us. Addiction is the dark side. It’s a reflection of despair. And it’s fed by all the other negativity,” Sheen tells the magazine, a supplement to the Daily Telegraph newspaper.

Estevez, meanwhile, is optimistic his brother can beat his problems. “There’s always hope, and there are so many examples of people pulling themselves out of the sh– and having a rebirth,” he told The Sunday Times. “So you just pray for him and hope he has that moment of clarity.”

[From People]

For all the family members praying and pulling for him, Charlie doesn’t really give a sh*t because his career as a meme is thriving. He’s added multiple dates to his tour, he’s allegedly in talks with the people at Fox for some kind of talkshow and there’s even news that CBS is desperate to have him back on Two and A Half Men. If that happens, will Charlie drop that $100 million lawsuit against producers? Will he even consider the offer now that he’s struck out on his one-man crazy tour?

Here’s Charlie with some new chick he says he hired. He tweeted “the warlock hard at work; and they told me I couldn’t find a sexy stenographer. epic. ybw c”

Photos from Charlie Sheen’s twitter except for Martin Sheen, which was taken 9/12/10. Credit: PRPhotos

US Weekly is reporting that Charlie Sheen was invited to his twins’ second birthday party last weekend at Kathy Hilton’s estate. Earlier reports had his ex wives Brooke Mueller and Denise Richards deliberately keeping him away from birthday parties for the twins and for his seven year-old daughter, Sam. According to a source, Brooke really wanted Charlie to come to the twins’ party though, since she was filming her reality show with the Hiltons and also planned to sell the photos of Charlie showing up. He decided not to give her the satisfaction or cash money. This news is in an inset in a story in US about how Denise Richards is keeping her daughters far away from Charlie. They don’t quote Denise directly, but it’s implied that she’s their source.

Sheen was notably absent from another of his kids’ birthday parties on March 13. His other ex wife, Brooke Mueller, threw a fete for their 2 year-old twins, Bob and Max, at family friend Kathy Hilton’s pad in LA’s Bel Air. But in a twist for the woman who has a restraining order against the actor and was granted temporary physical and legal custody of the boys March 1, she begged him to come. “She said said she’d leave while he was there,” said a Sheen insider. Her motivation? Reportedly cash. The source reveals that Mueller, 33, sold photos of the party to a magazine and was set to receive more money if Sheen made an appearance, but it “seemed like a trap” to him because of the restraining order.

[From US Weekly, print edition, March 28, 2011]

In Touch reports this week from a source close to Brooke that he was a “no show” at the party, but that she didn’t want him there anyway. It sounded straight from bitter Brooke. Here’s what they report:

Title: Charlie’s a no-show at kids’ birthday. Charlie Sheen recently told In Touch that his kids “f’ing love me.” But the erratic star was nowhere to be seen at the second birthday party for Bob and Max, his twins with ex Brooke Mueller. Even though the warring couple have reportedly come to some kind of truce over the recent restraining order she had against him, a friend of Brooke’s says she didn’t want Charlie, 45, at the party, held at Paris Hilton’s parents’ house in LA. “There was a petting zoo and clowns, and the boys had a great time,” says an insider. “The only member of the Sheen family who was there was Charlie’s brother, Ramon Estevez. That was kind of sad.”

[From In Touch, print edition, March 28, 2011]

It sounds like Brooke wanted Charlie there and he didn’t show so she’s trying to save face. Of course they wanted him there, they’re filming a reality show and Brooke wanted to sell the pictures on top of that. Charlie makes for good ratings.

Meanwhile Charlie isn’t crying into his crack pipe over the loss of his job at Two and a Half Men. TMZ is reporting that he’ll bank around $7 million for his “Violent Torpedo of Truth” tour and that he’s signed a deal that nets him 85% of the profits plus money for merchandising and parties. The shows will consist of Charlie sitting in a chair ranting for about an hour and fifteen minutes.

Photo of Charlie and his “goddesses” from his Twitter. Photo of Brooke Mueller is from 3/5/11. Does she look sober at all? Credit: Fame

I was hoping the Charlie Sheen hoopla would die down after he made that Funny or Die video spoofing himself and said during a radio interview a couple of days ago that it was his last. Only there’s too much drama swirling around the warlock’s jaundiced highly evolved brain to keep him out of the headlines. Police stormed Charlie’s mansion last night to investigate a possible violation of the restraining order taken out on him by his most recent ex wife, Brooke Mueller. Under the terms of the order, Sheen is not allowed to possess any firearms, which sounds very sensible given his state of mind and some of the things he’s said. Apparently only an antique gun was found, but it’s worth noting that Charlie’s lawyer was informed about the raid ahead of time. Charlie was cooperative and no arrests were made. Here’s more on this story from Radar Online:

Charlie’s lawyer talks to the press

Cops swarmed Charlie Sheen’s house shortly after 8 pm PT Thursday investigating a possible violation of a restraining order against the star by his estranged wife Brooke Mueller. No arrests were made.

Sheen is not allowed to own firearms under the terms of the restraining order and a spokesperson for LAPD told RadarOnline.com: “it came to the attention of the LAPD that Sheen is a registered owner of firearms. LAPD is conducting an investigation to determine if Mr. Sheen is in possession of firearms or ammunition, that would violate terms of the TRO.”

LAPD Officer Norma Eisenman told RadarOnline.com that “Mr. Sheen was very cooperative and he is at home. He is not being arrested. The LAPD has completed their investigation. They will not be releasing their findings.”

Charlie’s attorney Mike Gross spoke to reporters outside the neighborhood and said the police found one 1800s-era rifle and “a few bullets.” He said that Charlie didn’t have any other weapons in the house.

RadarOnline.com was at Sheen’s gated community and witnessed a chaotic scene with at least five police cars arriving immediately, a helicopter flying overhead and rumors flying until police issued an official statement.

The first police statement said: “LAPD detectives responded to the home of Charlie Sheen to investigate a violation of a restraining order that was filed on March 1. As more information is available we will release it.”

Police notified Sheen’s attorney before going to the house, according to the Los Angeles Times.

Mueller and Sheen are locked in a custody war over their twin boys and Mueller has accused Sheen of being violent and needing psychiatric help. Sheen infamously shot then-fiance Kelly Preston by accident in the arm in 1990.

[From Radar Online]

Cops outside Charlie’s house

Charlie tweeted about the raid afterwards, writing “#fastball; the LAPD were AWESOME. Absolute pros! they can protect and serve this Warlock anytime!!! c”

Also on Charlie’s Twitter account is an announcement of his upcoming tour. You might assume that Charlie won’t be performing his one-man rant for some time, but he’ll be in Chicago at the Fox theater for two performances this Saturday! (Update: Those dates have since been changed.) My mouth is honestly hanging open. You can get tickets through Ticketmaster starting Saturday at 10 AM. That’s going to sell out within a few minutes. Charlie writes that the show, titled “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not An Option” will feature “the REAL story from the Warlock.” Crazy like a fox indeed. The dude must have been itching to spew his grandiose metaphors since he stopped doing interviews. Maybe he stopped talking nonstop as part of a strategy to help drum up interest in the show.

In other Charlie Sheen news, the National Enquirer is reporting in their print edition that Charlie ODed four times in the last six months but was assisted by people at his house and not taken to the hospital. They also claim he pops nitroglycerin when he takes too much cocaine in order to try and stave off a heart attack.

Charlie is said to want to have a birthday party for his seven year-old daughter, Sam, at his house this weekend. Charlie’s ex Denise Richards is keeping her daughters far from Charlie’s craziness and told him there’s no way the party is going to happen.

And Charlie and Brooke reached some kind of undisclosed custody agreement regarding their two year-old twin boys.

Photos of Charlie are from 3/7/11. Other photos are of the chaos surrounding Charlie’s house last night. Credit: WENN.com.

Charlie Sheen toned down the crazy from previously deafening levels and now seems to be attempting to play nice. His last video rant may have been his swan song, because he claims it was his final one and he also claims one of his two radio interviews yesterday, was his last. (*sigh of relief with realization that this won’t last*) For him I guess this is progress.

It looks like Two and a Half Men could be proceeding at some point with a new lead, which would make financial sense for producers and CBS in that it remains one of the most popular shows on television despite its mediocrity. Names that have been floated by the press include Robert Downey, Jr. (no chance), John Stamos, and most recently Rob Lowe.

In his radio interviews yesterday, Sheen said that Lowe would be a great choice, and claimed that he’ll get paid for those episodes even if Lowe is replacing him. (TMZ reported a couple of days ago that Sheen has a “Michael J. Fox clause” in his contract that stipulates that he gets paid if someone replaces him. That’s going to be a long court battle.) He also expressed doubt as to how the transition from his character to Lowe’s would be presented on screen. He even apologized, sort-of, to co-star Jon Cryer for calling him a troll. Someone talked some much-needed sense into Charlie or maybe the withdrawal psychosis is wearing off. Sheen half-admitted the rumors that he’s broke (he said “I have no dough“), so that could be the motivation right there. Here’s some of what Sheen said:

On calling Jon Cryer a troll
“I’ll apologize to Jon right now. I was in a mood and I threw that out to somebody… It’s a half apology — it’s an apol! I didn’t know they – well I kinda knew they were gonna print it. Yeah, I knew they were gonna print it. I confuse myself.”

On his financial situation
“There’s tons of opportunity…I’ve got geniuses just waiting for me to say ‘let’s do this.’ I’m not really worried. I’ve got no job, I’ve got no dough, but…”

On Rob Lowe replacing him
“He’s a buddy of mine, he’s a beautiful man, a brilliant actor, and I hope he does it and kicks its ass because I still get [paid]”

His advice to his replacement
“Don’t look at the 177 episodes that I brilliantly did. Just park those!” he said. “Ignore the 400 reruns every week that you can’t avoid. Cancel your Sheen app. I’d recommend, in all seriousness, that they make it their own.”

On the future of the show
“I don’t even know if they would call the [character] ‘Charlie’ anymore … how does the show transition?” he asked. “Do you have [the show's creator & executive producer] Chuck [Lorre], that silly sad troll, do you have him talk in the camera and say, ‘Here’s what happened’ and then Rob Lowe comes out? Or do they just do it, without explaining it, and hope no one notices?”

On Saturday Night Live spoofing him
“Those are all warm hugs, they’re all an absolute homage. If it’s done tastefully and with really smart humor, I just think it’s totally gnarls-gnarlington.”

On if he’ll do another interview
“This could be my final interview. This is where it all began and where it all ends.”

[From KEarth101 and The Dan Patrick Show via People, Hollywood Reporter]

It’s telling that Sheen is flattered when people make fun of him while Lohan gets her panties in a twist. So Sheen is just an addict with a creative mouth who managed to squander a fortune on hookers, blow, watches and mansions. He’s trying to tone it down now, and he could possibly be successful with a lot of help. You know that’s not going to happen and it’s just a matter of time before he acts out again.

Oh and I just found out that Sheen shot a video for Funny or Die that’s scheduled to go up today. They previously did a spoof of Jerry O’Connell auditioning for Two and a Half Men and doing his best Charlie impression. It was hysterical.

Jerry O’Connell auditions for Two and a Half Men.

Photo credit: WENN.com

Charlie Sheen is really mad now, and that means he’s going to unleash his fiery fists of verbal fury. He has a new rant up on UStream (below), I think it’s his fourth, and he seems to have abandoned the crew that were with him in his first broadcast over the weekend. (In this second UStream video he’s on the phone and says “I’m better solo, I invented solo.”) In this most recent video, he goes on an extended tirade that’s undoubtedly about the fact that he was finally officially fired from Two and A Half Men. It’s hard to tell exactly what he’s talking about because his speech is so full of bizarre metaphors and random wordplays that it sounds like cracked out poetry, which is pretty much what we’ve been hearing from him all along. You can read Charlie’s rant on Radar Online, where they put up a transcript, and watch it below. Like a lot of the crap that Charlie spouts, it’s so creative that it makes you wonder if it’s scripted somehow. He may have written it ahead of time and be reading from an offscreen script. The content focuses on how great Charlie is and how his enemies have wronged him, which is again typical for him.

Many people are wondering if Charlie’s demeanor is some kind of act or performance art, similar to the way that Joaquin Phoenix went off the rails last year for that documentary and eventually came back looking completely normal. Charlie is rebranding himself as an nonstop insanity meme and he has a massively popular Twitter account, is looking for an intern to manage his social networking, and is reportedly in talks to launch a one-man tour in which people will presumably pay for the privilege to see him rant on stage like he’s been doing for free for the past few weeks.

I’m pretty sure that this is genuine, and that Charlie is either still on crack or is feeling the effects of the drug in the form of lingering mental illness. He may still have enough faculties to be able to poke fun at himself and come up with clever catchphrases like “jaundiced gorilla pelts,” “undigested hummus” and “an angry mob raiding your muck hole” but that doesn’t mean he’s in control of his faculties. He’s not a good enough actor to play a raving drug addict so convincingly.

Here are some excerpts from an article on medscape on Cocaine related psychiatric disorders. The source article explains that psychotic disorders can occur both with cocaine intoxication, and during the withdrawal process:

Cocaine-induced psychotic disorders with delusions
A person demonstrating delusions clings to a false belief or judgment despite incontrovertible evidence to the contrary. For example, a female abusing cocaine may demonstrate delusions of grandeur and believe that she possesses great wealth, intellect, and power, despite the fact that she is homeless and without education. Suicidal or homicidal ideation can occur in response to delusional beliefs.

Cocaine-induced mood disorder
A patient presenting with acute mania may demonstrate inflated self-esteem, decreased need for sleep, talkativeness, flight of ideas, distractibility, increased goal-directed activity, and/or irritability.

[From Medscape]

That sounds very close to what Charlie is exhibiting, and while it is at times funny it’s also very disturbing to watch. We’ve never seen a celebrity go off the rails like this. Britney had a lot of very serious issues three years ago, but she didn’t broadcast them online and we only saw photos and heard about it secondhand. While the coverage of Charlie seems excessive there’s a human tendency to rubberneck. (You can black out all references to Charlie Sheen online using this handy Firefox and Chrome plugin if it’s getting to you.)

Meanwhile Charlie told E! how upset he was that his costar Jon Cryer didn’t reach out to him like so many other people did when Charlie started flinging his sh*t against the walls and blaming everyone else for it. Charlie said that “Jon has not called me. He’s a turncoat, a traitor, a troll. Clearly he’s a troll. He issued a statement. Is it gonna take me calling him a ‘traitor, juvenile and scared’ for him to get it?”

Only Cryer never did issue a statement, there was just a fake Twitter account from someone claiming to be Cryer, and his rep has refused to comment. He did do a spoof skit on Ellen in which he played an administrative assistant, but he didn’t say anything about Sheen’s problems or the controversy over the show being put on hiatus. A source also tells E! that Cryer did call Sheen. He apparently didn’t fawn over him enough or tell him exactly what he wanted to hear, which amounts to “you’re special, you’re better than everyone else, you can do whatever you want and get paid millions of dollars for it, and everyone who disagrees with you is wrong.” Oh I’m sorry, I need to translate that to Sheen speak to be understandable “Your Tiger Blood makes you indestructible and unfathomable to all the worms who live inferior, goddess-weak lives.” That’s still not crazy enough, is it?

After I wrote all that People Magazine came out with their new cover on Charlie Sheen, their second in two weeks. It’s about how his twin boys are faring. This is going to be the top celebrity story this year, and we don’t know yet how it’s going to end.

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Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown’s now 18 year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina, was photographed apparently snorting cocaine in a series of pictures published in this week’s National Enquirer, as we mentioned yesterday. I had the chance to read the article yesterday, and they have quotes from an ex boyfriend of Bobbi’s, who had pictures of her doing coke at two different parties in Georgia near Atlanta. It’s very obvious that’s what she’s doing both from her positions in the photos and other pictures with Bobbi in the background that clearly show white lines laid out on a tablet. Here’s some of the excerpts from the article, and you can see the photos in this week’s National Enquirer (with “Divorce Shockers” on the cover) and here.

18 year-old Bobbi Kristina Brown – known to friends as “Krissi” – is seen snorting lines of cocaine at two different parties.

The troubled teen – who was admitted to apsychiatric ward in 2008 after trying to kill herself – also smokes marijuana, guzzles beer and gets smashed on Everclear, a potent grain alcohol, a close source tells The Enquirer.

The source – a former boyfriend of Krissi – has come forward in a desperate bid to save her life, and to beg Whitney to get involved before it’s too late.

“Krissi is addicted to cocaine. I’ve tried to stop her, but all she said was, ‘I’m just like my mother!” the ex-boyfriend – who dated her for 2 1/2 years – told The Enquirer.

“Whitney needs to see what her daughter is doing to herself. If Krissi doesn’t stop soon, this addiction to cocaine will kill her!”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, March 17, 2011]

Krissi just had her 18th birthday, so these pictures were taken sometime last year. She’s responded to this controversy on Twitter and has put up quite a few tweets about it. She doesn’t deny that it happened, but says several times that it was a long time ago. In a series of tweets she says she was set up by an ex boyfriend and that she’s changed:

The pictures_ a former very dear person to me did this. Set me up.

But it’s really not what it looks like.. People will do anything for money which is extremely sad, and I’m very hurt by this.

Thing’s people do these days to hurt others is a shame. All I can do now, is keep my head up high, keep looking towards the lord.

All the lord is telling me is be still. That’s all, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. #BeStill.

I love my family so much. My mom just comforted me to the max, and I’m so thankful for her. Thank you so much lord for blessing me with an Phenomenal family and incredibly phenomenal mother. Thank you for giving me the strength to move forward and put things in the past.

And the person that did this was a result of a horrible relationship that went sour. I was in love_ he was in love with money. I’ve learned My lesson. I’m so much greater and blessed for it today, and I believe nothing less. That is the last I will speak of this, let’s praise god And be greatful and thankful for your family, and people that truly love you, strength, courage, and life lessons learned. GodblessUall «3

[via Popeater, NecoleBitchie]

She sounds very mature and put together, but she never took responsibility for what she did or said she was ashamed of it. She only blamed her ex boyfriend for “setting her up” and suggested it’s not what it looks like. Krissi didn’t give an explanation of how she could be doing anything other than snorting coke. I get that she’s really young and that she’s going to deny it, but it would be nice if she would take responsibility for her actions instead of blaming other people for outing her. Then again, her mom is in her 40s and she never quite took responsibility for her drug use either.

Here’s a link to a photo of Bobby Brown, Whitney Houston and Bobbi Kristina as a little girl. She never had a chance, but it’s clear she’s trying. We may see some kind of album coming out from Krissi in the near future. She tweeted “I’m following my mothers footsteps industry wise.” And otherwise.