“OMG, I’m so DRUNK. Am I seriously wearing a trash bag?”

In Touch Weekly has a hilarious story about Angelina Jolie this week. ITW usually has stories about Jolie, as she is their favorite villainess. Nothing she does is ever good enough, and there is no Jolie story too innocuous to be twisted into a tale of conniving ruthlessness and petty, drunken jealousy. It seems that when Brad Pitt and Angelina made their appearances at the SAG Awards, Angelina was already seething with desperation and neediness, so she decided to upstage and humiliate poor Brad. The easiest way would have been to simply devour his soul in front of the crowd. But Angelina chose to get absolutely plastered with Tilda Swinton. VICTORY!!! Don’t believe In Touch Weekly? Check out this photo of Angelina “hiding” a bottle of vodka under her table. She took a swig whenever she thought about how much she hated Brad, obviously.

Slumped over in her chair, eyes half-closed, Angelina Jolie hardly looked like the poised, glamorous actress her fans know and love at the SAG Awards on January 29.

“She was downing glass after glass of red wine,” a family friend tells In Touch. “Brad even caught her sneaking sips from a bottle of Grey Goose vodka under the dinner table!”

Seeming more like a wild sorority sister than a mother of six, she could barely stand by the evening’s end.

“Angelina had to be held up as she stumbled out of the theater,” the friend continues. “Brad was absolutely mortified!”

“Brad really wanted to make a good impression,” the friend says. But Angelina’s boozy behavior made them both look like fools. Sadly, Brad wasn’t surprised that Angelina destroyed his special time to shine. Whenever they return to LA, Brad is the “golden boy” and Angelina gets uncomfortable and needy.

“Brad knows that Angelina hates when he hangs out with his pals at Hollywood parties,” an insider says. “She wants Brad’s attention focused only on her, and she’ll do anything to get it.” And her sneaky scheme – getting so drunk that Brad had to babysit her – certainly seemed to work.

“She should have been supporting Brad that night,” the friend snipes. “Instead, he wound up supporting her!”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

Brad should be used to this by now – he spent seven years with Aniston’s boozehound ass too. I’ve never really considered Angelina much of a drunk – maybe because all her critics yell about is the heroin? It rarely occurs to me that Angelina might have an issue with alcohol too. Still, I doubt it. Isn’t it far more likely that Angelina was just enjoying Tilda Swinton’s company and getting her drink on socially? And even if she did get her buzz on, I still don’t see the big deal. It’s not like she slurred her way through presenting an award.

Photos courtesy of WENN and Fame/Flynet.

Daniel Radcliffe hasn’t had an alcoholic beverage since August 2010. He spoke about his alcoholism last year, while he was promoting the last Harry Potter film. While I respected Daniel’s decision to stop boozing, I also had some doubt as to whether Daniel was really an alcoholic, or whether he was just a kid who liked to drink and who hadn’t found his limit, you know? I think there’s a difference between “a kid who can’t hold his s–t together while wasted” and “alcoholism”. But that was before I knew this – Daniel’s boozing was so bad at one point, he was “still drunk” while he worked on Harry Potter. Oh, DanRad. That’s a bad sign.

We’d like to buy a trend. Less than a week after Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak admitted to being drunk at work, news of another celebrity who has revealed that he, too, was under the influence in front of the camera, is making the rounds.

Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe tells the British celebrity magazine Heat that he went to work on the set while drunk.

But unlike Sajak’s lighthearted account of margaritas with Vanna White on filming breaks, Radcliffe, 22, shares a darker experience.

“I went into work still drunk,” he tells the magazine. “I can point to many scenes where I’m just gone. Dead behind the eyes. I have a very addictive personality. It was a problem.”

Stressing that he didn’t drink at work, Radcliffe adds that, “People with problems like that are very adept at hiding it. It was bad. I drank a lot and it was … nightly.”

The actor has said that he no longer drinks. “You either have to change something,” he tells Heat, “or give into that shame.

[From People]

Ah, so he wasn’t “drinking at work,” he just showed up to work still drunk. You know what this reminds me of? All of those stories about Richard Burton and Peter O’Toole and all of those actors from another generation who not only showed up to work still drunk from the night before, but continued to drink throughout the day. Like, they would never NOT be wasted. Would their performances have been better without the booze? I don’t know. But I’m glad Daniel is talking about this stuff so openly, and I’m beginning to think that he did probably have a problem.

By the way, Daniel’s new film, The Woman In Black, came close to being the number one film at this weekend’s box office. It made $21 million, and that means that DanRad can still make movies beyond the Harry Potter franchise. Sober! (Sidenote: I can’t even watch the ads for The Woman In Black! I hate scary movies so much.)

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

We actually got some requests yesterday for coverage of this story. I’m actually struggling to understand why this is news, though. Radar’s sources claim that Lindsay Lohan was a drunken, coked-up cracktastrophe at the Chateau Marmont on Sunday. But here’s my point of view: doesn’t everyone just assume this about Lindsay Lohan anyway? Do we really need “sources” telling us that the Cracken was doing blow in the Marmont loo and that she was falling-down wasted? Isn’t that a daily (hourly?) occurrence?

Oh no Linds, say it isn’t so! Lindsay Lohan appeared to be under the influence when she was at the Chateau Marmont on Sunday night, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

The Mean Girls star was with friends at the infamous watering hole/hotel and was spotted going to the bathroom frequently with a male companion.

“Lindsay was spotted going to the restroom with a male companion on numerous occasions in a short amount of time,” an eyewitness told RadarOnline.com. “When the two of them emerged from the bathroom, Lindsay was giggling and her nose appeared red. Lindsay was spotted only drinking water in the lounge area, but she appeared to be loaded on something, and she seemed under the influence. Lindsay’s eyes were glassy and her pupils were constricted.”

The actress is currently on probation for her no contest plea in her misdemeanor theft conviction. Judge Stephanie Sautner has ordered Lindsay to complete her court ordered community service at the Los Angeles County Morgue, but Lilo isn’t randomly drug tested.

Lindsay has been arrested for DUI twice, for cocaine possession and has battled substance abuse problems with numerous trips to rehab.

A second eyewitness tells us that Lohan, wearing a plunging v-neck black dress, sans bra, on Sunday night: “was definitely on something. She was slurring her words, and needed help walking at one point in the course of the night.”

A third eyewitness tells Radar: “Lindsay was sitting on a chair adjacent to Harvey Weinstein’s party – his was roped off and she didn’t get past the rope. So she sat on the other side looking over. She looked bedraggled and desperate.”

Negotiations are in the final stages for Lindsay to star in a Lifetime television movie about the late iconic actress Elizabeth Taylor and her Playboy magazine cover earned record sales.

“This is yet another example of people making erroneous assumptions about Lindsay, I seriously question the credibility of any source who refuses to be named as well as their motivations for making up such trash,” Lindsay’s rep Steve Honig tells RadarOnline.com.

[From Radar]

My guess is that Steve Honig was the dude doing lines with Crackie von Cracks-A-Lot in the bathroom. I had kind of forgotten that LL’s probation is still an on-going thing. Why is it that she doesn’t have court-mandated drug tests anymore? Is it because she flunked so many times, the California justice system simply decided to stop testing her rather than actually punish her?

Also – are we supposed to feel a pang of sympathy with LL’s sorry state? “Lindsay was sitting on a chair adjacent to Harvey Weinstein’s party – his was roped off and she didn’t get past the rope. So she sat on the other side looking over. She looked bedraggled and desperate.” Does that make you go “Aw, poor Cracken”? Or do you giggle a little and think “Haha, dumb crackhead”?

By the way, TMZ reported last night – after this Radar report was published – that LL has officially moved out of her Venice Beach crack den and she’s now living full-on at the Marmont. That alone should be a red flag to the judge, right? “Moving into the Marmont” doesn’t mean that Crackie is taking her probation seriously. Like there was any doubt, I know, but how does the judge not say something about this?

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Last year, The Enquirer had an explosive (!) piece about Jon Hamm’s boozehound ways. Apparently, The Hamm had gone from a easy-going social drinker to a fall-down drunk. The Enquirer had some anecdotal evidence at the time, and it’s easy enough to find stories about The Hamm getting his drink on at various Hollywood events. I didn’t think the situation was as dire as The Enquirer’s Sobriety Society, though I did feel a twinge of concern for him. If My Hamm Dong is a drunk, we could beat this thing together. And I think you know what I mean by that.

Anyway, The Enquirer has an interesting follow-up on Hamm’s drinking. Basically, he’s given it up. For now. It seems like a temporary thing, perhaps even for a minor health concern or just a test of willpower:

Jon Hamm has given up booze – and those close to him say he’s feeling better than ever. After numerous reports that Hamm was as heavy a drinker as his TV alter-ego Don Draper, Jon has cleaned up his act, sources tell The Enquirer.

Astonishingly, Hamm was even spotted drinking from a bottle of water – instead of his usual Midori sour – at a recent Golden Globes after-party.

“Jon isn’t touching a drop these days,” a source divulged. “he has given up drinking and completely changed his lifestyle… and he’s never looked better.”

According to the source, Jon went cold turkey just before starting to film the new season of Mad Men in August.

“It’s been a battle, because Jon does like to drink,” the source continued. “But he set himself the challenge and he was determined to stick with it. Even the Golden Globes parties didn’t tempt him – he stayed sober and drank water. People razzed him all night about walking around with a water bottle, but he laughed it off good-naturedly.”

“Jon didn’t want to become another Hollywood casualty, especially now that he’s at the height of his career,” the source noted. “And it certainly shows in his appearance – he’s slimmer, looks healthier, and is sexier than ever!”

[From The Enquirer, print edition]

Bedhead pointed out that in that Hamm interview she covered yesterday, he was only drinking water during the interview. He also talks about his character’s difficult relationship with alcohol – could it be that The Hamm is trying to avoid The Draper’s pitfalls? Or could it be that he simply wanted to look better, younger, and less booze-bloated for the new season of Mad Men? Whatever… all I know is that sober or drunk, I would love Jon Hamm to whisper “You know what I want” to me in bed (GAH – remember episode one of Season 4?!?!? The Draper likes it rough!!!).

Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN.

US Weekly has a big article this week about Heather Locklear’s sad breakdown. I knew she was having serious substance abuse issues, but the details they gave really brought it home for me. Heather just turned 50 last year and recently split up with her fiancee, her former Melrose Place co-star Jack Wagner. She took it extremely hard and has been mixing booze with prescription drugs. We heard that she was hospitalized on January 12 with a potential overdose after she complained of stomach pains. Then the news came out that she’d had a fight with her ex Jack that had come to blows. (Heather hit him across the face, but it was supposedly in self defense when he lunged at her and tried to get her to stay. It’s hard to figure out exactly what happened.) Here’s US’ story, which just makes me feel sad for her more than anything. She’s a starlet who has taken aging and the loss of a once-hot career extremely hard. Heather has a fourteen year-old daughter with her ex, Richie Sambora, and due to Heather’s issues her daughter has been living with Richie.

It was never too early to drink for Heather Locklear. About twice a week, she would leave her house in Westlake Village, California, throw on a pair of dark sunglasses and head to her favorite watering hole along. “She come in around 10:30, 11, sit by the bar and have two or three vodkas on the rocks, easy,” an eyewitness tells Us. “She always seemed so sad and lost…”

“Heather has been a mess for the last several months,” says an insider. And her drinking only escalated after she and her beau of four years, Jack Wagner, split in November, calling off their three-month engagement. “She doesn’t get out of bed most days,” says the source. The situation was so dire, in fact, that her daughter, Ava, 14 has been living with her Bon Jovi rocker dad, Locklear’s ex-husband Richie Sambora. Now that Locklear is home from the hospital, says the source, “her family is terrified. They think she’ll hit rock bottom before she finally admits she needs serious help.”

[From US Weekly, print edition, January 30, 2012]

US goes on to remind us that Heather has been in rehab twice, in 2008 and 2010, and that she even secretly went to rehab in the past few months after she split with Jack. They quote an insider who says “Her drinking led to the demise of their relationship. [Jack] begged her to go to rehab. She entered a treatment program [after their split], which her family was able to keep quiet. But she didn’t take it seriously.”

As for Heather’s career, their insider says “She’s very Hollywood. It drove her crazy that she never hit another big moment after the 90s. She’s always been very emotional. When people saw her as washed up, that made her crazy.”

Heather has a lot of family and friends around her who are trying to get her into rehab, and I’m hoping they’re successful and that she can find some meaning in life. Her identity was so caught up in being a beautiful bitchy TV star that it seems like she’s never been able to move past that.

The article has an inset story about how Richie Sambora and Denise Richards have split up – yet again. They also claim that the fact that these two rekindled their relationship just led Heather to drink more. I’m thinking that US’ source is Denise Richards. She used to be best friends with Heather and was her neighbor for a while. Denise claimed that she was no longer friends with Heather – and that Heather and Richie were separated – when she first hooked up with Richie in 2006. She used to talk about it constantly.

Heather is shown with her daughter at the Breaking Dawn premiere on 11-14-11. Denise is shown on 1-17-12 at The Grove with Maria Menounos on “Extra!” She is promoting her new bag and shoe line. Credit: WENN and FameFlynet

Kelly Osbourne may be back to her partying ways. Which could be one possible explanation for those horrible corpse photos from the weekend. According to Radar, Kelly has “fallen off the wagon” in a big way, having been sober since 2009, when she was in rehab for her drug and alcohol addictions. Here’s the thing, though – I have doubts as to whether Kelly was ever really committed to being “on the alleged wagon.” I’ve heard stories about her drinking and drugging post-rehab. I’m just sayin’. Here’s Radar’s report:

After nearly three years of sobriety, Kelly Osbourne has fallen off the wagon and is back to boozing, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned.

The 27-year-old daughter of Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne got clean in February of 2009 after completing a rehab stint for drug and alcohol addiction, but according to several sources the fashionista is back on the bottle.

“Kelly is definitely off the wagon again — at least when it comes to drinking,” an insider tells RadarOnline.com. “I’ve seen her out drinking cocktails, beer and champagne numerous times, and I’ve seen her pretty unsteady on her feet too.”

And just this past Sunday, Kelly guzzled cocktails at the Golden Globes after-party and got so wasted (as evidenced by the exclusive photo) that she almost fell over.

“Kelly was so wasted,” an eyewitness who partied with the Fashion Police host tells RadarOnline.com. “At one point she almost fell back and I had to catch her!”

According to the party pal, once Kelly gets alcohol in her system the claws come out in full force and she doesn’t hold back about her constant feuding with Christina Aguilera.

“When she gets drinking her hatred for Christina Aguilera really comes out,” the source said. “She spent the entire night talking about how much she hates Christina!”

The outspoken Brit and Christina have been battling for years, most recently with the newly slimmed-down Kelly poking fun at the Dirty singer’s curvy new figure.

“She called me fat for years. I was never that fat,” Kelly said on E! Fashion Police about Christina’s appearance at the Michael Jackson tribute concert.

And in September Kelly ranted about Christina’s bullying saying, “She called me fat for so many f***ing years. So you know what? F**k you! You’re fat too.”

“This is the side of Kelly that comes out when she’s drinking,” one of the sources told RadarOnline.com.

“Maybe she thinks it’s OK for her to be drinking as her past problems were pills, but as far as I know if you want to be ‘sober’ you need to be SOBER, period.”

Attempts to reach Kelly’s rep for comment were unsuccessful at time of publication.

[From Radar]

Sure. I’ll buy that. All of it, actually. I think she’s probably still drinking, and I’ll buy that she bitches about Christina Aguilera when she’s wasted. The problem isn’t that Christina bullied Kelly (which probably did happen) – the problem is that both Christina and Kelly are boozehound monsters.

Also – did you realize that Kelly is 27 years old? For whatever reason, I thought she was younger than that. I tend to think that when “celebrities” struggle with alcohol and drug problems very early, and then go into rehab and start with the program at a young age, that they’re more likely to relapse later. Not to get all psychoanalytical, but I imagine it’s difficult to be only 22 or 23 years old and think, “Hey, I’m 22 and I can’t have a drink for the rest of my life.” I’m not saying that as a justification, merely as an explanation for why Kelly seems to be back to her partying ways.

(PS… Do you know why I stopped drinking to excess – and why I’ve only been drunk-ish once in a year? I don’t want the extra calories. Instead of making it about sobriety, I’ve made it about empty alcohol calories, and it works for me. I bet it would work for Kelly too.)

Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN.

Less than a week ago, Heather Locklear’s family called 911 and Heather ended up being hospitalized overnight after an alleged overdose, a mixture of alcohol and pills. There are different versions of the story, so I’m just going with People Mag’s version, which seems close to official – I think People has good sources in Heather’s family. People claimed that Heather was “out of control” last Thursday night after drinking heavily at a Lakers game and then going home and taking pills. One of the reasons for this relapse (Heather had similar problems in 2008) seems to be her broken engagement to Jack Wagner. Sources tell People that Jack is sober, and he disliked Heather’s continued usage of drugs and alcohol. People reported yesterday that Heather’s friends and family are encouraging her to go back into rehab (she went in 2008):

The initial scare is over. Now comes a difficult question for Heather Locklear.

After the Melrose Place actress was briefly hospitalized for reportedly mixing prescription drugs and alcohol, friends and family are hoping she’ll seek rehab, sources tell PEOPLE.

“She’s weighing her options right now,” says one source. “Her family is all over her with concern, and that’s a hard thing to hear.”

According another source, her battles with alcohol “go back a long time” but that “she was able to handle it and be in social situations and just fine.”

But turning 50 and having her engagement to Jack Wagner end has only exacerbated longtime insecurities, says the source. Then came the 911 call from her sister on Jan. 12.

[From People]

In a trashier addendum to this story, Radar/Star Mag is reporting this week that the catalyst for last week’s breakdown was a fight Heather had with Jack Wagner:

It has been anything but a happy new year for troubled actress Heather Locklear, and the new issue of Star magazine has exclusive details on the former Melrose Place star’s recent meltdown.

Just days before being rushed to the hospital on January 12, the 50-year-old beauty had a blowout altercation with ex-fiancé, Jack Wagner, after he drove to her Sherman Oaks, California home to return some belongings.

“A huge argument erupted as they insulted each other’s families,” a source exclusively told Star. “As Heather went to her car, Jack lunged at her, trying to grab or push her. Her reaction was to swing. She caught Jack with a right hook across his face, knocking him to the ground.”

Wagner, 52,t hen put his hands around her and Heather slammed into the car, while he ran into the house, revealed the insider. Locklear quickly fled, but not before grabbing Jack’s dog and putting it in the car.

According to Star’s source, the drama didn’t end there. The police arrived and after speaking to them both they realized the gash across Wagner’s face was caused in self defense. “Heather didn’t want to press charges, so she left.”

The former co-stars called off their engagement in November after being together since 2007, and it’s been downhill for Heather ever since.

To manage her anxiety, “She used her doctor-prescribed pills…[and] would have an occasional drink to calm her nerves,” but as RadarOnline.com previously reported, the mixture of drugs and alcohol concerned her family and caused worried sister Colleen to call 911.

[From Radar]

Good God, this is a hot mess. Heather is in a different position than most of the “starlets” who have similar hot-mess/drug problems though – Heather seems to have a lot of people around her who care about her well-being. I hope she’s listening to her family, and I hope she’s thinking about the messages she’s been sending to her daughter Ava, who is only 14 years old.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I’m not too familiar with reading police reports. The lengthy one on TMZ describing the drunken, abusive antics of Kate Major, a former Star Magazine reporter better known as both Michael Lohan and Jon Gosselin’s ex, makes me think that writing police reports must be a pain in the ass. Like how do cops remember and retall all the crazy things that whacked out perps do while on their watch? I would be inclined to write “bitch was crazy” when describing someone like Kate Major, who attacked two of her neighbors seemingly without provocation, resisted arrest while shouting obscenities, and continued her antics at the police station, where she was again belligerent and slapped a cop. I’ll let TMZ tell the Cliff Notes version of this story, but to get the full report you can read the PDF linked there. This has a really priceless mugshot too.

Kate Major is a racist, boob-punching, foul-mouthed, cop-assaulting criminal … if you believe the police report filed after her arrest in Boca Raton this weekend.

It’s insane — according to the report, obtained by TMZ, cops were called to an apartment parking lot around 9:45 PM on Saturday night … after Michael Lohan’s ex-GF was observed beating the crap out of a man and his wife.

Cops say … when they arrived to the scene, Major was being restrained on the ground by several people who saw her attack Rosario Tapia and Juan Jimenez.

The officer who wrote the police report explained, ‘I attempted to speak with Major, who was screaming and yelling obscenities at Tapia, calling her a ‘fat f**k’ and a ‘b*tch’.”

Jimenez told police … he has NO IDEA why he and his wife were attacked … but explained he and Tapia pulled into the parking lot and noticed someone had parked in their assigned space. So they were waiting for another spot to open … when Major came bolting towards the car out of nowhere.

Jimenez claims Major opened the door and went crazy — calling him and his wife “several racial names” before Major attacked his wife in the hands, breast and face.

When cops tried to arrest Major, police say she resisted arrest and tried to kick the officers.

Major was eventually arrested for battery and transported to a nearby jail — where she was an EVEN BIGGER pain in the ass, according to the report.

Cops say she yelled at police — and tried to make a break for it. At one point, cops say, she slapped the arresting officer and called him a “fat f**k.”

She was later charged with resisting arrest with violence and battery on a police officer.

Major has since been released from custody … but it sounds like this situation is far from over.

[From TMZ]

This chick just got out of 30 days in rehab a little over a week ago. She appeared as a guest on “Celebrity Rehab,” where her dysfunctional relationship with Michael Lohan played out in front of the camera. I guess the season aired last fall, and I just saw an awful clip from it on the best clips of 2011 episode of “The Soup.” Kate was crying and asked Michael why he was still with her, and he yelled something about how she would take it in any hole. He phrased it ever so slightly less crass than that, but that’s exactly what he meant. That sounds like a risky prospect for both of them, and I’ll just leave it at that.

Oh and in the police report they state that Kate’s roommate was with her when she decided to confront the neighbors by pulling them out of their car and yelling racist remarks at them. Then the roommate claims she was somehow absent and left the scene when Kate started to get physical. There’s more to this story than we’re being told, but it boils down to this chick being a mean drunken mess.

Mug shot via FameFlynet. Other photos are from 2010, credit: WENN.com

Chelsea Handler went quiet when her boyfriend of about ten months, Andre Balzas, dumped her at the end of October. I wonder why? Is it because she simply didn’t have anything to promote over the last few months? Is it because she’s looking for the Next Guy who will help her career? Or is she trying to win Andre back? Well, Chelsea did speak to Us Weekly, and unlike many of the interviews she did last year, Chelsea doesn’t sound like she thinks she’s the second coming of Jon Stewart. She seems almost… humble? Professional? Not hammered and/or (allegedly) coked out of her skull? Is that right? Let it be spoken, today of all days: Chelsea Handler isn’t as think as you drunk she is.

She’s been linked to 50 Cent and Animal Planet’s Dave Salmoni, but Chelsea Handler’s one true love will always be alcohol.

“Vodka is a part of my life. Absolutely. Tequila or vodka, depending on the day you get me,” Handler, 36, told Us Weekly at Saturday’s NBC Universal TCA Tour in Pasadena, Calif. “But to function as I do, I can’t be a mess.”

Though she once spent the night in jail for a DUI, Handler said she’s become more responsible when she decides to imbibe.

“I feel a big responsibility to not only everyone who watches the show, but to everyone who is on the show and all the employees I have,” the Chelsea Lately host and executive producer explained. “We’re creating jobs in a landscape where people aren’t getting a lot of work. Our show is a great place to be, and when you walk in the door, you know it.”

The Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea author added that “once everything’s done, smoke what you need to smoke — that’s fine. Do it in the office. I really don’t care.”

Despite her hectic schedule — she also stars on E!’s After Lately and NBC’s Are You There, Chelsea? — the New Jersey native assured Us she’s getting plenty of rest.

“I got a lot of sleep, don’t you worry. If I get home on a Monday at 7 o’clock and I know I don’t have to be anywhere until 10 the next morning, I go to bed at 8,” Handler said. “I take a sleeping pill and sleep for 12 hours.”

[From Us Weekly]

Why are we seeing this New Chelsea? Last year, she claimed that doing Chelsea Lately made her brain bleed, and she was looking to change jobs. Then Andre dumped her, Chelsea Lately got extended to 2014 and Chelsea went quiet in the press. Maybe someone got realistic? Maybe her supporting part in This Means War got sliced down and Chelsea realized her “acting” career isn’t going to explode? Maybe we’re seeing The New Chelsea because it seems like NBC’s Are You There, Chelsea? is going to bomb. That comes on tomorrow, by the way. And people are already talking about how awful it is.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I can’t help it, this story made me laugh. It seems like Brandi Glanville, ex-wife of Eddie Cibrian and current reality star of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, went to Las Vegas for New Year’s, and she ended up getting married. Seriously, it was a Vegas elopement, and from the look of the photos, Brandi and her new husband were completely sh-tfaced.

Brandi Glanville is once again a married woman — but “not for long.”

The 38-year-old Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star tied the knot on a whim with Mixed Martial Arts manager Darin Harvey over the weekend, Us Weekly can confirm.

The former model, whose ex-husband Eddie Cibrian famously left her for LeAnn Rimes, informed fans of her new relationship status via Twitter Sunday: “I’m married again- suuuuuuck it!”

The newlyweds celebrated by visiting a strip club, Spearmint Rhino. “Honeymoons with strippers are the best!” Glanville tweeted.

Glanville, who shares two sons with Cibrian, added that Harvey is her “best friend” and she’s now an “official housewife, for reals.”

“After some beer and strippers he is now my husband,” she said. “No joke!”

Calling their union “a drunken BFF thing,” Harvey told his Twitter followers that their booze-fueled elopement won’t last. “I had a crazy Vegas moment,” he explained Sunday. “Getting annulled tomorrow.”

[From Us Weekly]

I’m including some of the photos from Brandi’s crazy, alcohol-fueled extravaganza. It really does seem like two friends just got wasted and decided it would be funny to elope. I hope that this incident doesn’t have longer-term consequences for Brandi, though. Would this affect her alimony or child support from Eddie, even if Brandi and Darin get it annulled?

Photos courtesy of Brandi’s Twitter.