There’s stars you hope get a second chance, and stars you hope get locked away forever, and for most people, Lindsay Lohan is the latter. The self-centered actress might actually get off without being charged for possessing cocaine. Apparently that whole, “I was holding it for a friend” and “these aren’t even my pants, I don’t know whose pants they are!” lines actually worked. Somehow that’s created enough uncertainty that the district attorney is considering dropping those charges. Yeah that doesn’t make sense to me either. It’s not like the DUI cases hinge on the cocaine, so if it doesn’t stick, what have they lost? Apparently this is a huge boon to Lindsay. Having three charges would pretty much guarantee she’d spend some time in prison if found guilty. Having two supposedly would mean several days in jail instead.

“The Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office is disinclined to charge Lindsay Lohan with three drug-related felonies, a decision that could spare the troubled actress from a prison sentence, celebrity news outlet TMZ.com reported on Tuesday. The charges are connected with Lohan’s two recent arrests for drunken driving, first in May when she crashed her car on Beverly Hills, and then in July when she was involved in a late-night car chase in Santa Monica.

“TMZ, citing unidentified law enforcement sources, said the 21-year-old actress would likely face misdemeanor drunk-driving charges for both incidents. If found guilty of both, she would serve a minimum of four days in jail, TMZ.com said. Legal experts have said Lohan could face up to three years behind bars if confronted with the full weight of the law.

“Asked about the TMZ.com report, district attorney spokeswoman Sandi Gibbons said the office has not yet received the Santa Monica case and the Beverly Hills case remains under review. ‘A public discussion of potential charges prior to a case being filed would be inappropriate and potentially unethical,’ she said.”

[From the Washington Post]

I can think of few things that would make me happier than Lindsay Lohan being faced with the “full weight of the law.” Well aside from being faced with the “full weight” of a steamroller. That girl should just not get any more chances. It’s one thing when you mess up your own life (not that it’s great, I’m just saying), but when you recklessly chase people down the highway because something makes you mad, that’s unacceptable. I’m hoping this is all bull, or exposing it creates such an outrage that they decide to charge Lohan with everything they possibly can. She really needs to learn a lesson, and learn that following her whims isn’t the most important thing in the world. She also has some serious rage issues that need to be dealt with. Ahh, if only I had my steamroller.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image of the infamous, but appropriate, wax prisoner Lohan at Madame Tussaud’s, which looks much prettier than the real one. Image thanks to PR Photos.

So Bill Murray’s been kind of quiet lately. That’s not really news in and of itself, supposedly he’s a recluse and not exactly on the list of hot young celebrities. But he’s really smart and talented and once in a while puts out a really great movie, so he certainly deserves to get a mention when he joins the hot young destructive celebrity set, and gets his very own DUI. Yes, at the age of 57, Bill Murray finally has what it takes to be young and powerful in Hollywood these days. If only he’d have a pantyless crotch shot, he’d be made.

Murray was taking part in the Scandinavian Masters golf tournament in Stockholm this weekend. He had a bit to drink. Not so much that he was slurring or tipsy or falling over or anything. But enough that driving a golf cart through the streets of Stockholm seemed like a good idea. Driving a golf cart on the streets isn’t illegal in and of itself, but driving much of anything after imbibing any drink more potent than a dose of Nyquil is quite illegal. Europeans are famously more tolerant towards alcohol, but much less tolerant towards DUI/DWIs. Which is how it should be. A first infraction can often mean significant jail time and a loss of a person’s drivers license for the rest of their life. Apparently that won’t be the case for Mr. Murray, as he wasn’t ridiculously drunk and likely returned to the States.

“Bill Murray could face a drunken driving charge after cruising through downtown Stockholm in a golf cart and refusing to take a breath test, citing U.S. law. Police officers spotted the “Caddyshack” star early Monday in the slow-moving vehicle and noticed he smelled of alcohol when they pulled him over, said Detective-Inspector Christer Holmlund of the Stockholm police.

“‘He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation,’ Holmlund told The Associated Press on Wednesday. ‘So we applied the old method — a blood test. It will take 14 days before the results are in.’ Murray, who had been at a golf tournament in Sweden, signed a document admitting that he was driving under the influence, and agreed to let a police officer plead guilty for him if the case goes to court, Holmlund said.

“‘Then he was let go. My guess is he went back to America,’ Holmlund said. He said the 56-year-old actor-comedian would only be charged if tests show his blood alcohol level exceeded the legal limit, which is quite low in Sweden. A very high alcohol level could lead to a prison sentence, but Holmlund said fines were more likely.

“‘There were no obvious signs, like when someone is really tipsy,’ he said.”

[From Yahoo News]

The things unknown untalented actresses will do to get attention these days. Oops, I mean Bill Murray. Apparently the golf cart had been outside of the hotel Murray was staying in, on display for the past week. I guess temptation became a bit too much to take, and Murray absconded with it, driving the cart to the Cafe Opera nightclub. The nightclub was less than a mile away, but I’m guessing that was one long, slow mile. I wonder what role that crazy Caddyshack gopher played in this whole debacle, and if he was cited too?

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Bill at the The Lost City Los Angeles Premiere in April 2006. Image thanks to PR Photos.

As much as it pains me, there’s too much Lohan news today after her big arrest to ignore. I’ll attempt to cram as much of it as possible into one post, and spare you the bullshit updates that are sure to come later in the day.

People are talking about Lohan’s dysfunctional family, including the reactions of her estranged parents, what possible jail time Lohan faces on this her second DUI arrest in under three months, and how this will affect her ailing film career. There are also all these details to clarify about what actually happened that night in terms of the car chase and the assistant who either quit or was fired. I’ll cover all these points while rolling my eyes and shaking my head.

The reaction of Lohan’s family
Lohan’s father, who got out of jail on multiple assault and his own DUI charges this March after serving less than two years out of a four year sentence, is taking advantage of this opportunity to get paid for interviews.

As part of the court ruling during his custody battle for Lohan’s mom over their two younger kids he is not allowed to have any contact with Lindsay. He certainly can talk about her though. He told TMZ that he wanted to put aside differences with Lindsay’s mother so that they could work together to help their troubled eldest child:

“I want to withdraw everything — court wise — sit down with Dina as Lindsay’s parents and figure out how to help her. Lindsay can’t do this on her own … when we were together, none of this was happening.”

[TMZ]

He also told People Magazine he was “heartbroken” and “devastated” and said “It’s killing me, it’s ripping me apart.”

Meanwhile White Oprah has been criticized for not flying to be by Lindsay’s side immediately on learning about her latest DUI bust. She’s also predictably talking to the news outlets, and gave The Insider an exclusive interview that probably earned her a few designer outfits:

“We are doing everything in our power in support of Lindsay and I won’t give up – this is my daughter and we love her,” Dina Lohan tells The Insider.

The actress was arrested early Tuesday morning on suspicion of drunken driving – her second drinking-related arrest in three months. She was booked for DUI, possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custody facility and driving on a suspended license, according to police.

“I am sick over this,” Dina says. “My children, my family, we are like prisoners in our own home because paparazzi [are stalking us] outside [our] home. Lindsay is in a safe place, and we are trying to strategically work out our next step.”

[From People.com]

It looks like Dina had some recent work done on her face, so maybe she was recovering and that explains why she couldn’t jet out to help Lindsay right away.

Possible jail time for Lindsay
Lindsay has both court appearances for her separate DUIs scheduled for August 24. It is unknown if this was deliberate or not on the part of the judge setting the date for her second arraignment. If convicted of both DUI offenses, she faces a mandatory 48 hours in jail out of a minimum 10 day sentence. She could face up to a year in jail if she’s found guilty of both DUIs.

She could get up to five years in jail for possessing cocaine, but since she had small amounts in her car and on her person when she was arrested the second time she can claim the drugs were for personal use and get drug counseling under something called Prop 36 in California law:

Prop 36 would mean no jail time and require that she participate in a year long drug diversion treatment program. At the successful completion of the program, the drug charges are removed from your record. Lindsay would have to agree to this program before trial.

[US Weekly]

Whatever happens, I bet Lohan spends at least some time in jail. Lohan was arrested for her DUIs in Beverly Hills and in Santa Monica, which are both in Los Angeles county. If convicted and sentenced to jail, she’ll be doing time in Paris’ old haunt, the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood.

Lohan’s career
The producers of Lindsay’s upcoming movie with Shirley Maclaine, Poor Things, denied an earlier report that the film was scrapped due to Lohan’s antics in Vegas immediately following her rehab stint. Now that she’s been arrested on another DUI and drug possession charge, the status of the movie is understandably up in the air. They say the film is moving forward soon, and that they’re optimistic about it. No word on whether they’re going to dump Lohan.

Lohan’s new thriller I Know Who Killed Me is out this Friday! As Lohan is currently in an undisclosed rehab, she will hopefully hide her freckled mug for a while and resist going to the premiere, but it’s got to kill her to not attend.

US Weekly reports that if the film tanks at the box office it could be the end of Lohan’s movie career. She’s still got her singing to fall back on, and was blabbing just last week that she planned to make another album and launch a tour like Madonnas.

Lohan was said to be trying to sell pictures of herself to x17 for $30k in the days before her arrest. It’s possible she’s fighting for liquidity, as Ken Lay’s wife once put it so eloquently.

What really happened that night
Was Lohan chasing her assistant who just quit and called police on her or was she being chansed by paparazzi?

Lohan sent a text message to Billy Bush of Access Hollywood claiming:

Yes. I am innocent… did not do drugs they’re not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin’s mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy.

[TMZ]

TNZ reports that Lindsay and the mother of her old assistant (who she is still supposedly on good terms with) were being chased by at least one other car at the time:

Sources connected to Lindsay tell TMZ both Lindsay, who was driving a Denali, and the Escalade in front of her, driven by the mother of Lindsay’s former assistant, were both being chased in a “unsafe and threatening” manner.

We’re told there may have been more than one vehicle chasing the duo, though we do not know the identities of those drivers. We could not confirm if paparazzi were chasing the cars. One thing we do know: there are no known photos of the incidents.

[TMZ]

So whatever happened, Lohan was driving drunk while either chasing someone or being chased. It’s a good thing she got taken in that night.

The future for Lohan and for the rest of us hapless bystanders
The media storm hasn’t even begun in this case. TMZ was all over it yesterday, but the mainstream news is just starting to smell blood in the water. This shit is going to be all over the place, and I’ll cover it while trying not to go overboard as you’re sure to hear all about it on CNN, Fox, MSNBC, and any print or Internet source you care to read.

As for what’s going to happen to Lindsay I can’t help but think she’ll love the attention. She won’t enjoy going to jail, but this is only going to make her more famous. This is one of the girls who started the crotch-flashing trend. She doesn’t care what kind of attention she gets, and a little stint in jail is not going to change her. Yes, she’s troubled and addiction is a hard disease to conquer, but there’s something to be said for personal responsibility and for not putting other people’s lives at risk by driving drunk.

She’s f’ed up, but not as clueless as Britney. She’ll still make money somehow, and I bet she’ll go back to behaving badly while launching a halfway decent music career after this.

Brian Fairrington, Cagle Cartoons

Images from I Know Who Killed Me, TMZ, and The Insider.

I’m all too willing to break the semi-ban on LohitneyParis stories with the latest news that Lohan was nabbed for DUI again. 45 days in rehab, a voluntary alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet, and all the cash, friends, and help at her disposal and stupid Lohan couldn’t be bothered to have someone else drive for her.

Lohan failed the “walk the line” test according to TMZ after her car was pulled over for chasing a white Escalade at 2:15 AM in Santa Monica. TMZ reports on Lohan’s blood alcohol level and and says she refused to submitted to a breathalyzer. One article says “Sources say her blood alcohol level was between .12 and .13, well over the .08 legal limit.” while another says she couldn’t walk a straight line and refused a PSAD, or Preliminary Alcohol Screening Device test. The PSAD is a breathalyzer, so it sounds like she refused a breathalyzer, wasn’t able to walk a straight line, and was hauled off to jail, where she was forced to take a blood test. Let me know if you’re more familiar with the way this process works.

She was said to be cooperative in jail, and was released on $25,000 bail.

The SCRAM people, who monitor Lohan’s ankle bracelet which is supposed to detect alcohol vapors from the skin, say they didn’t even know she was arrested. We don’t actually know if she took a breathalyzer or not. If she refused to submit to one, it suggests she had something to hide. Did she not hook the SCRAM thing up? Did she buy another one, put in her closet, and have the SCRAM people monitor that one?

Not only is she drinking and/or drugging, she’s driving under the influence. How stupid and arrogant can you be? If Lohan’s career wasn’t doomed before, it surely is now.

Update: Thanks to Sycko for pointing out that she was also charged with cocaine possession. The coke was found in her pants pocket when she was booked at jail.

Lohan’s mugshot above thanks to TMZ.

Poor Nick Nolte. He can’t even lie around drunk on an airport floor without people snapping his picture and spreading it all over the Internets. At least he’s a friendly drunk. Onlookers say he happily posed for pictures in the moments he was able to lift his head up to enjoy a treat from the vending machine.

Nolte was in the airport in Hawaii for a couple of hours while his flight was delayed. Unlike other celebrities he cares about the environment and flies commercial.

Nolte was probably dog tired. According to IMDB he’s been surprisingly working on a lot of projects. He has one film coming out this year, The Mysteries of Pittsburgh with Sienna Miller, and three next year.

Surely these pictures will soon replace his mug shot as the top google image results for Nolte.

Thanks to TMZ for this story and pictures.

Amy Winehouse, the sobriety challenged British singer, has canceled so many shows in the last month that bookies are actually placing odds on her showing up to her concerts. Bookies normally stick to football games and American Idol competitions. They generally don’t bet on a person sucking. But it appears that, thanks to the unreliable, alcohol-challenged Amy Winehouse, now they do.

“Following a string of cancellations bookies are now offering stakes as to whether Amy Winehouse will show up at her forthcoming gigs.

Winehouse recently cancelled performances at Oxygen in Dublin, T in the Park in Scotland and Summer Pops in Liverpool citing “exhaustion” – although she was spotted drinking in a North London pub.

William Hill – one of the countries biggest bookmakers– is currently offering odds of 1/2 on Winehouse fulfilling her commitment to appear at the Eden Sessions at the Eden Project in Cornwall on July 17th.

A spokesperson for William Hill said: “Amy has cancelled too many gigs for us not to give out odds. The concert is next week so she’ll have to sort herself out for that and I can’t see it happening,” reports NME.”

[From Gigwise]

According to Perez Hilton, Amy canceled her show at Holland’s North Sea Jazz Festival this weekend. But according to the festival’s website, her concert time was simply pushed back. I’m assuming she did perform (surprisingly) because otherwise there’d be a million articles about it already, and a lot of money would be changing hands.

The Sun is running a “Wino Watch” to keep tabs of Amy’s partying and comparing it to canceled shows.

She then partied backstage into the wee hours with SADIE FROST and JACK OSBOURNE. But my snaps show her the next day, clearly feeling unwell. Amy held her tum as she dashed to use a cafe toilet.

Earlier, she told her driver to pull over as she gagged. Later she was spotted slumped at the counter of a takeaway.

Hardly the way to battle that exhaustion, eh, Amy?

Yesterday Amy jetted out to Holland. Well, I hope it’s a sign she’s fit and well – and ready to entertain her paying fans.”

[From The Sun Online]

Winehouse did cancel a fourth performance last week.

Amy Winehouse has cancelled her fourth concert this week after succumbing to a grueling live schedule.

The soul star was due to play a show in St. Peolten with the Beastie Boys, The Prodigy and The Roots, but that appearance went the way of a show in Austria, as well as festival slots at T in The Park in Scotland, the Oxegen Festival in Ireland and Liverpool Summer Pops, as the 23-year-old succumbed to exhaustion and was ordered to rest by doctors.

[From Sound Generator]

Let’s talking about grueling live schedules for a minute here. Ten concerts in a month? Grueling (I’m told… admittedly I haven’t been on tour in a while). Ten canceled concerts in a month, with a handful still taking place? Not so grueling. You know what is grueling? Drinking too much alcohol all the time. Especially when it looks like you weigh about 98 pounds, and a good 20 of that is your beehive hair weave. Amy Winehouse, listen to me. You are so awesome, but you are also an awesome mess! I don’t think you really understand that people are not going to keep coming back forever, and you only get so many second chances, no matter how much talent you have. Concert tickets cost a lot. CDs don’t sell like they used to, so performance revenue is pretty important if a girl wants to have enough money to buy her alcohol. So think of it like this: if want to be able to keep drinking, you’re going to have to show up to enough performances to get the money to drink. Convoluted logic, I know, but it seems to be the only way to get you on stage.

There are two stories today that suggest that Britney is hemorrhaging money as well as public goodwill with her latest antics. She’s selling the mansion in Beverly Hills she bought just two months ago, with the excuse that her son is more at home in her Malibu estate. She only lived there for a month before she left. While it’s possible she can’t afford it, I would bet she just wasn’t comfortable with the neighborhood:

Looks like Britney Spears is shedding more than her hair.

The newly bald “Toxic” singer is looking to sell the Beverly Hills house that she bought only two months ago, according to OK! magazine.

Spears bought the six-bedroom, six-and-a-half bathroom 7,553 square-foot Tuscan villa on Dec. 11 for $7.2 million, moved in a month later, moved out on January 25, and now is looking to sell it for $7.5 million, reports the mag.
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The quick sell is prompting some to question whether the singer needs to reel in her free-spending ways, but according to OK!, it was her sixteen-month-old son’s preference to stay put at Spears’ Malibu house.

“Britney says that Preston preferred living at the Malibu property,” a “source close to Britney” told OK! “It has more land and huge garden — it’s a better environment for Britney to raise the boys.”

Well no wonder Britney’s all f’ed up – she hates her new house!

There’s also a story that Britney tried to book a hotel room but was denied because she had only part of her credit card number written down on a piece of paper and no cash or other cards. She was in standard form and drank heavily, shaved her legs by the pool while wearing cowbooy boots, and tried to switch bikinis with another woman. When she was told she couldn’t stay there without a proper credit card she cried and said “Nobody wants me anymore.” Bald Britney was seen in two different cheap wigs, one blonde and one bright blue.

It’s possible that someone confiscated Britney’s wallet in an attempt to save her from herself, or that she just lost it in a drunken bought of forgetfulness. I doubt that her credit has been cut off. The girl has an AmEx black card with no limit.

Britney later hit bars on Sunset Strip while wearing the Halloween-quality wig and was said to have stormed out of the The Roxy when someone played her old song “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” Another report had people singing Karaoke to it, and not recognizing Britney or realizing she was actually there.

With a bald head, no career in sight and only occasional visits to the studio, how long is it going to be before Spears goes the way of MC Hammer? Britney also recently blew off several recording sessions with Pharrell. Then again, she doesn’t really have expensive taste otherwise and with K-Fed cut loose she’ll be spending less overall. Still, she could get creamed in the divorce settlement, and that seems more likely every day she leaves the house.

What do you guys think: is Britney broke or soon to be?

Bringing new meaning to the circus surrounding her death, Anna Nicole made a video tape in which we get to see her vacant drug-addled expression enhanced by clown makeup. She’s eight months pregnant with Dannielynn at the time and doesn’t understand cameraman Howard’s repeated question “Is this a mushroom trip?” She also has some kind of baby doll in a stroller. Howard tells her “This footage is worth money,” and she answers in a baby voice “Why? What footage?”

Since she’s barely able to function, I wonder how she was able to paint her face in a reasonable semblance of a clown? She must have done that before the drugs kicked in.

While it’s not really shocking to see her whacked out of her mind while pregnant, the makeup really adds something to the “footage.”

Yesterday RadarOnline reported about this video, and said no one really wanted to have anything to do with it – not because it showed Anna pregnant and drugged out of her mind, but because there were questions as to who owned the copyright. The guy shopping it around claimed it fell off a truck. Fox News was apparently satisfied with his claim enough to air it.

Supposedly there’s parts of the tape where Anna talks about how she wanted to die the first time she gave birth:

Radar has seen the video—intended for Smith’s blog, but never posted—which features the onetime Playboy Playmate discussing her fears about her impending childbirth a week before she entered the hospital. In it, she slurs that she suffered such a difficult ordeal giving birth to her first child—her ill-fated son, Daniel—that she “wanted to die.”

We’re sure to see the rest of this already annoying video in the days, probably hours, to come. We’ve already seen Anna having a C-Section, what else is left to gawk at? I wouldn’t be surprised to see a sex tape shot by Howard of Anna and the Bahamian immigration minister, who has since resigned his position in shame and probably doesn’t have much more to lose at this point.

Thanks to TMZ for this video.

Britney Spears does so many clearly stupid and white trash things every week, it’s hardly even news anymore. Another week, another drunken scene for the mother of two.

Extra reports yet another trashy Britney night on the town. In this version, she got shitfaced, switched outfits with a club dancer and had to be carried out of the club.

I am taking predictions for how long you think it will take before Britney bottoms out and finally goes to Rehab. In my trashy opinion, she should already be checked in to some “Shady Acres” treatment center of her choice. But she just keeps going.

My prediction for Brit’s rehab is 150 days or about 4 months from now. What do you guys think? Her antics are so predictable, it’s a given that she’ll do something stupid nearly every week. It’s not a matter of if she checks in somewhere…but when she checks in.

Step up and give me your best guess.

Picture of Britney from the Extra website.

Mick and Bianca Spawn – Jade Jagger – terrorized fellow first class passengers last week – who then gleefully got their own back by spilling bitchy details to Page Six:

Jade was escorted onto the plane as ‘a guest of Richard Branson’s.’ She looked as though she hadn’t combed her hair or showered in weeks and was with a fellow of the same bathing habits and a fat, unfortunate-looking woman.

Let’s all admit that the fat, unfortunate sidekick really got the worst of that commentary … one expects BoHo, rock spawn, Brits to be rather dirty and carefree. Not long ago in these very pages JJ was rumoured to enjoy a daily chilly chill Breakfast of spliff and champagne.

Sadly Virgin is not able to provide the calming effects of really First Class chronic and so Jade and companions apparently got more than a bit boisterous:

All proceeded to get drunk and loud and were falling down in the aisles, climbing over seats, pointing at people and talking about them aloud. They helped themselves to [alcoholic] bottles on the bar and generally disrupted the entire first-class section.

Dirty Jade and Jade’s Dirty Boy apparently snatched some of the wine off other passengers trays, made rude comments about the quality of the wine they quaffed and even indulged in a bit of undercover stewardess kicking. Still at the end of the day the harshest dig was reserved for the “fat, unfortunate-looking woman” FUfs we’ll call her … who even when sleeping couldn’t avoid giving grave, fat-based offense.

At one point, the captain even had to come out. Then the fat one falls asleep with butt crack exposed.

I suppose not even the authority of the captain’s reprimand can contain the cheeky horror of the FUfsy butt crack – which while not snatching wine or kicking the help simply sits there grimacing at one – adding insult to the already rampant injury. We hate FUfs and we hate her fufsy butt crack in all its porcine splendour – lying about like a sow waiting for its litter of piglets.

Jade’s London Rep Sara Forage (as in wee piglets foraging for mini-bar bottles of decent vintage) came up with the ballsy:

Jade has a fear of flying and often has a drink before she boards a flight to calm her down.

While she had fun with her traveling companions, she did not realize that her talking and laughing would cause offense and regrets causing any disruption of which, until now, she was completely unaware.

I take it back — that’s Sara Forage as in foraging through the British Hempire to score that quality Smoke that scores you that Early Onset Alzheimers buzz. Now that’s the kind of London Rep a Jagger needs.