I left Eli Roth off of the Hot Man Buffet accidentally, but now I’m glad I did. My former imaginary boyfriend Eli decided to attend the Vanity Fair party with his new girlfriend (?) Peaches Geldof, best known as the daughter of Bob Geldof and something like Britain’s Lindsay Lohan/Paris Hilton. It’s not even all about how idiotic this chick is, it’s also about how young she is! She’s 20 years old. Eli Roth is 37 years old. Ridiculous.

So Eli Roth is the new Jeremy Piven, right? Ugh. Now I’m kind of over him.

Thanks to Dlisted for the heads up!

Oh, Lord. Something happened this weekend, and it was… sketchy. And funny. And raunchy. And probably illegal. Here are the basics: Writer/director/actor Eli Roth was showing off something on Twitter or Oh No They Didn’t to his parents and his Inglourious Basterds costar and friend Christoph Waltz. Christoph asked about Twitter, asking “Does this go out to everyone’s Blueberry?” That’s when stuff started to get freaky. Christoph and Eli’s parents I guess left the conversation, and Eli was left alone with his fans on ONTD, then on Twitter and MySpace. And then the cyber sex happened.

By the end of the night, Eli had sent pictures of himself licking some blueberries seductively (the picture is actually turning me on), and one of a “I heart ONTD” note taped to his furry chest. Fans sent in pictures of themselves naked, or doing some raunchy, dirty things. Eli typed encouragement like “Blueberry pics got me twittering one handed” and “I feel like I just had the most amazing group cybersex with ohnotheydidnt. *wipes Blueberry juice from mouth*”. After the night was over, Eli sent out a Twitpic of a used tissue with the note “Pics or it didn’t happen. Good morning, Blueberries.” Of course, after a big cyber orgy, there are going to be recriminations and hate. Not on Eli‘s side though – he sent out this message after it was over: “Stay Juicy, Blueberries. I’m off for a week. Best. Yom Kippur. Ever.” Then he gave a huge statement about why he did it (I edited it):

I have no message for the haters, only for the lovers. There’s a self-erected barrier between “celebrities” and “regular people” which I have always felt was complete nonsense. If I make a film, it cannot be a hit unless people go to see it. Celebrities need people as much as people need celebrities, because they give someone a fantasy of a life they wish they had, or show that anyone can realize a dream and come from nowhere to be adored all over the world.

There are also accepted forms of behavior with celebrities. If you notice, it’s accepted socially for a rock star to bang groupies, or for a director to f-ck actresses, or a star to f-ck fans. What is not accepted, however, is to put on this facade of politeness and behavior in front of journalists and bloggers so as to present an “image” that is acceptable to the public. Although I have acted, and I love acting, I think of myself first and foremost as a writer. Somehow, in my mind, the rules of celebrity do not apply to me, since I never followed the classic path to being one.

I was broke at 30 and did not get real worldwide recognition until I was 33 with Hostel. And now, for the first time, people who may have heard of me but have not seen my films know who I am, and I get recognized from the film. But what has changed, really? My behavior. I’ve started being a little more polite. I’m conscious about everything I say. In short, I muted my voice. And then this thing started on ONTD.

Just from my mentioning that I was aware of the gay S&M fanfiction, people felt I had shattered a fourth wall. How could I be the first person to talk about this? Had no one else every acknowledged that it was out there? It seemed hard to believe.

The site is called Ohnotheydidnt. It’s not Salon.com. It’s supposed to be rough, raw, edgy, sexual, and funny. If you don’t want it that way, then why are you there? It should be anything goes. And when I saw the responses, people started writing me through myspace, telling me how much they appreciated my honesty. I wanted to smash down whatever 4th wall was left between the “celebrity” and the “regular people,” which truthfully I don’t really think should exist, or at least I feel it should exist in some other incarnation where celebrities are not put on this pedestal, but simply known for the work they do. I don’t believe in any sort of separation, I think it’s insane.

….I know this seems bizarre, like I had some kind of meltdown, or was on ecstasy or something, but really for me the night was about tearing down those boundaries between celebrity and fan and the things we’re not supposed to say to each other. If I had met any of those girls in person and we had had a one night stand, it would be socially acceptable. But what did we do, really? Exchange words, images, and fantasies, and had a laugh over it. It was f-cking hot, but it was all safe fun. We indulged in fantasy, but the reality of what happened was quite powerful. That’s not something that can be repeated. I wouldn’t do that every night, I probably wouldn’t ever do that again, because part of the fun of it was everyone saying “are we really doing this? Is this really happening?” That taboo breaking zone is where I live.

It may seem shocking in the moment but one day, sooner than you think, people will laugh at how this was such a big deal. Because what is it, really? An exchange of words, pictures. But to me it was more than that. It was some strange moment where we all just went into the danger zone and destroyed these walls we all took part in creating. And it felt so f-cking good.

[From Eli Roth’s rant on Oh No They Didn’t]

I actually think it’s kind of cool that Eli hung out with fans, and that girls were sending in pictures for him and stuff. It seems sweet, in a really dirty way. Am I alone in finding Eli attractive? By now, many of you know my type. I like them a little dirty, smug and skeezy. I like a guy with an attitude, a little arrogance or haughty smugness. I mistake it for confidence. That’s why I find Eli attractive – he seems like a smug bastard, and I would wipe that haughty look off of his blueberry-lovin’ face in a second. With my boobs. Sigh. And now I’m going to start using “Best. Yom Kippur. Ever.”

Most photos from Eli Roth’s Twitter, except for the last one, which is a screenshot of the alleged group cyber sex and is NSFW or under-18

On Friday, we reported on People Magazine’s interview excerpt from Stern, in which Brad Pitt allegedly said Tom Cruise Hitler-assassination film Valkyrie was “a ridiculous movie”. Within hours, it seems one of Brad’s reps contacted a few outlets and claimed that the statement was a misquote. A spokesman said, “Brad has never seen Valkyrie so this is not accurate.” Xenu got angry, and Brad succumbed. Either that, or it really was a misquote. It didn’t really sound like Brad, in my opinion. Throughout the years of Tom Cruise acting crazy, Brad has never said anything negative about Tom, so it did seem weird. I saw Valkyrie, and it was a strange movie. I wouldn’t call it ridiculous… just strange. The accents were all over the place. It’s maybe Bill Nighy’s worst acting jobs, he’s totally phoning it in.

Brad’s weird, random promotion of Inglourious Basterds did the trick at the box office though – Basterds made $37.6 million in America, and another $27.5 million overseas. Guess who’s taking credit? Harvey Weinstein, the executive producer. He needed a hit movie, and Pitt and Tarantino delivered. The media strategy for this film was so weird, I’m not even sure how it worked so well. Maybe people were just excited about seeing Pitt work with Tarantino, and everything else was just icing on the cake?

In one last piece of Brad Pitt-related news, the Mirror is reporting that the entire purchase and renovation of the Jolie-Pitt French chateau will cost around 45 million pounds – about $70 million. The numbers are a little screwy in this report – I think they’re saying that the purchase was one thing, and then Brad’s renovating the place to the tune of ten million pounds:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are spending £45million transforming a French chateau into a dream home for themselves and their six children. The Hollywood golden couple have completed the £35million purchase of 17th-Century Chateau Miraval, set on a 1,000-acre estate in Provence. Now they plan to splash out £10million more turning the pile into the “love nest of all love nests”.

They have applied to renovate all THIRTY-FIVE bedrooms to give them a “contemporary feel”. They want to add jacuzzis, steam rooms and a spa, and to install a new gym, an expanded wine cellar – and even a motorbike track for Brad, 45. They also plan to improve its helicopter landing facilities, so they can fly in and out with their children – Maddox, seven, Pax, five, four-yearold Zahara, and biological daughter Shiloh, three, and their year-old twins Knox and Vivienne.

“We’re trying to spend more time in the South of France, because our kids have a more normal life there,” Inglourious Basterds star Brad said earlier this month. But the hunky star also admitted he’s still struggling to master the language.

Security around the house will be improved hugely, to include a surveillance centre, spy cameras, alarms, and infra-red sensors. Some work has started, while more complicated renovations still need to be agreed by the local council.

Jean-Claude Sadion, mayor of the nearby town of Correns, said: “The application has been received for widespread work on their new house, and we are delighted that they will be here more permanently. They are a wonderful couple with beautiful children and we will hold a civic reception to honour them.”

Brad and 34-year-old Angelina, who met on the set of 2005 movie Mr And Mrs Smith, have reportedly had a string of bitter rows and spent much of their time apart recently.
But now the pair and their children are set to start afresh at the home which they have rented from a rich businessman for the last year.

A local property developer said: “They want to make sure this very romantic property becomes the love nest of all love nests. Brad is looking into local schools for the kids, and both he and Angelina are improving their French.”

Brad and Angelina flew from Los Angeles into nearby Marseilles on July 29 to inspect the start of the renovation work, and are keen to have security measures in place as soon as possible.

The couple looked at around 100 properties before settling on the Miraval. It comes with a vineyard, swimming pool, moat, lake and forest, and a three-mile long driveway up to the main house. The cascading stone-walled terraces have been replanted with 13 different varieties of olives, and there are 20 fountains and aqueducts.

Near-neighbour Christophe Meer said: “It’s very beautiful. You couldn’t find a better place to ensure a bit of romance in your life.”

The globe-trotting couple will split their time between France and their homes in California and New Orleans. Close friends with homes nearby include U2 stars Bono and The Edge, plus fellow actors Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis.

[From the Daily Mirror]

God, Brad has never met a property he doesn’t want to spend millions of dollars renovating. That would drive me up the wall, but I’m sure that just the sort of thing that relaxes him. Brad and Angelina are currently vacationing at the chateau for an unknown period of time. They even bought some “gerbilles” for their sons. I want them to get a cat. Maybe there’s already some sleepy housecat that came with the house, though.

Photos via AllMoviePhoto

Brad Pitt’s Inglourious Basterd costar Eli Roth is revealing some details about Brad Pitt’s personal hygiene. Roth, whose most famous work is as the director of Cabin Fever and the two Hostel films, tells People Magazine that Brad advised him (Roth) to use baby wipes when a shower isn’t in the cards. Pitt’s quickie-shower involves the application of baby wipes to the armpits – but not other parts of body, which doesn’t really seem like much of a quickie clean-up to me. The funniest part is when Roth describes Brad’s showering dilemma, and claims that Brad told him “Man, I’m getting pissed on all day. I don’t have time to take a shower.” Good lord, Brad. Learn how to put diapers on those kids:

While filming Quentin Tarantino’s movie about World War II, Inglourious Basterds, superdad Brad Pitt offered up some unconventional hygiene tips for his sometimes smelly costars.

“He shared that when you’re sweating and don’t have time to take a shower, you just take a baby wipe and rub it under your armpits,” Pitt’s costar and pal Eli Roth told PEOPLE at Saturday’s Spike TV Guys Choice 2009 in Los Angeles, set to air on the cable network June 21 at 10 p.m.

“After a scene, Brad had to get next to me for a close-up shot, and he said, ‘Damn, you’re ripe,’ ” recalls Roth, 37. “I said, ‘I didn’t have time to shower.’ He said, ‘Baby wipes, man, baby wipes.’ ”

When it came to Pitt’s pits, Roth said the leading man explained, “I got six kids. All you’ve got to do is just take them, a couple quick wipes under the pits.” Pitt further said, “Man, I’m getting pissed on all day. I don’t have time to take a shower.”

“I thought that was the greatest tip,” says Roth, who took the advice to heart. “My character is called the Bear Jew. If I ever started to smell like a bear, I would just use a couple baby wipes under the armpits, and it made it safe for everyone else to act around me.”

Roth, Pitt and company recently returned from the Cannes Film Festival, where they promoted their movie, which hits U.S. theaters in August. While in France, Roth was seen partying with Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Jolie, Roth says, “is awesome, totally cool,” just like Pitt.

“He’s such a funny guy. He has a great sense of humor, and he’s so into it. He’s really there to have a great time. Now, he’s at the point in his career where he’s the biggest movie star in the world, he can do whatever he wants, so when he’s there, he just wants to have a great time.”

Roth – who’s built his own cult following as the director of such horror flicks as Hostel and Cabin Fever – is also quick to say Pitt was very generous with his time.

“I remember the first day, he taught me a lot of acting tricks,” Roth says. “We all wanted to ask him about Kalifornia, Fight Club and True Romance, and he was so cool to talk about all that stuff with us. Right from the first day, we were all a little shy. But then somebody asked him about 12 Monkeys, and he talked about everything.”

[From People]

A lot of people are already making the connection between Brad “Baby Wipe Your Pits” Pitt and Terrence “Baby Wipe Your Privates” Howard. In a now infamous interview in Elle Magazine (link from Jezebel) in 2007, Terrence said “Toilet paper – and no baby wipes – in the bathroom. If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It’s just unclean. So if I go in a woman’s house and see the toilet paper there, I’ll explain this. And if she doesn’t make the adjustment to baby wipes, I’ll know she’s not completely clean.” So between Brad and Terrence, you’ve got a pretty decent baby-wipe shower. But after all of that, maybe it would just be easier to take an actual shower? And learn how to put a diaper on the babies so they aren’t peeing on you.

Eli Roth and Brad Pitt are shown below with their co-star Diane Kruger at Cannes on 5/20/09. Credit: WENN.com