Mel B is currently appearing on billboards and posters across the U.K. as the face of Ultimo lingerie, and says she’s a little bit shocked by the whole thing. I always wondered what models thought when they saw their posters on the street.

She told me: “It’s weird seeing massive posters of me in my underwear.

“But it’s my body and I like it. This bra feels especially nice today.

“It’s not like wearing underwear - I like walking around naked so it’s perfect for me.”

The Sun

Here’s a link to the pictures of of Mel B advertising the underwear, which isn’t particularly suitable for work.

Seeing your behind, enlarged beyond what any cheeseburger diet could achieve, while driving down the street on a poster would be more than a little disconcerting.

As far as underwear that feels so comfortable that it feels like you aren’t wearing any, I think this is not a good idea for women who sometimes forget to put it on. Particularly those who might be getting photographed by the paparazzi. You know who I’m talking about.

Mel and Joey Fartone are going to be the new hosts of American TV show ‘The Singing Office’, where they travel to offices across America looking for singing talent. This combined with her stint on Dancing with the Stars and her upcoming duet with Janet Jackson makes me think another Spice Girl is trying to cross the pond and have success in America.

Mel B is shown promoting Ultimo underwear in the UK. Header image from Ultimodirect.com. Other images from PRPhotos.

40 year-old pregnant actress Nicole Kidman will no longer be representing the iconic rich old ladies’ fragrance Chanel No. 5. She’s been replaced by cutesy French actress Audrey Tautou, 29, who played the wide-eyed childlike role in Amelie:

[Nicole Kidman] has been replaced as the face of Chanel No.5 by French beauty Audrey Tatou…

It is not known exactly how much the lucrative deal was worth, but sources say it is at least £4.3 million.

Kidman has been associated with the fragrance since 2004, when she appeared in a $60million advertisement directed by fellow Australian and Moulin Rouge director Baz Luhrmann.

Meanwhile things are smelling Rosy for 29-year-old Tatou who will be reunited with Amelie director Jean-Pierre Jeunet calling the shots for the advertisment campaign.

[From The Daily Mail]

We had some Chanel No. 5 in the house at one point that my husband probably inherited from an ex and I remember smelling it and wondering what the big deal was. It didn’t appeal to me and I certainly wouldn’t use it. I wore Angel at the time, (which is incidentally now repped by Naomi Watts) but it’s become way too popular and you don’t want to smell like everyone else.

Wikipedia notes that Coco Chanel created her signature fragrance in 1921 with the intent to make it smell nasty and artificial. That’s not exactly how they phrase it, but that’s what I got out of it:

“I want to give women an artificial perfume,” said Chanel. “Yes, I really do mean artificial, like a dress, something that has been made. I don’t want any rose or lily of the valley, I want a perfume that is a composition.” [1] No. 5 is famous for being the first perfume to heavily rely on synthetic floral aldehydes as a top note. Before synthetics, perfume either had to be applied heavily or frequently so that the fragrance would last.

Chanel applied the French aesthetic theory that “ugly” placed next to “beautiful”[citation needed], by contrast, makes the beautiful object appear more so. In this era almost all perfumes were floral and “pretty” - designed to enhance a woman’s beauty with more beauty. Instead of the scent of flowers, Coco wanted a perfume that “reflects my personality, something abstract and unique”. She believed that a perfume should serve to spotlight a woman’s natural beauty using contrast - i.e. the artificial perfume would make the woman’s natural beauty more evident.[citation needed]

[From Wikipedia]

So somehow an expensive perfume that was purposely made to smell artificial using the less scientifically advanced chemicals available 85 years ago is still selling well.

Losing out on an $8.5 million contract has got to hurt. I wonder if Kidman knew that she was about to replaced or if it came as a surprise to her. She’s pregnant so it doesn’t seem quite fair that she would be canned at this point.

Audrey Tautou used to annoy me, because she’s such a sweet little pixie that I used to think it was a put on. She genuinely seems like a decent person though. She hasn’t become half as successful as she should have after Amelie, and only had one big Hollywood film, The Da Vinci Code, since. Maybe this Chanel campaign will help bring her more name recognition and International success.

Audrey Tautou is shown on 2/28/08 at Paris Fashion Week, thanks to WENN.

In her quest to get her life back – or at least her dad’s quest – Britney Spears is getting both her mental and physical health in shape. Britney’s got her old manager Larry Rudolph back on her team, and with the help of her dad/conservator Jaime Spears, she seems to really be getting her act together. Brit’s lost a good deal of weight and is looking much healthier – you hardly ever see her with Cheetos or a Frappuccino in hand anymore. TMZ is reporting that Britney is in negotiations to be the frontwoman for Ballys Fitness.

Sources tell TMZ Britney Spears is in negotiation with Bally Total Fitness to be a frontwoman for the company — and backwoman, too! Here’s what we know. Brit’s parents have both been talking to Bally about making a deal. Daddy Jamie has the power as co-conservator to make it happen. It all happened because Larry Rudolph, who is coming back to manage the Britster, has a close friendship with John Wildman, the Chief Marketing Officer of Bally.

During the negotiations, Brit has been going to the club at least once a day and up to as many as three times a day. She’s training with two of the company’s top personal trainers — we’re guessing one for the front and one for the back. She’s also working with the company’s nutritionist, who has put Britney on five to six quality meals a day. No Taco Bell, no Fanta … life can really suck.

[From TMZ]

TMZ is quick to point out there there’s no deal yet; both sides are still negotiating. Brit does get to work out for free – so that saves her about $20 right there. TMZ says a “company insider said, “We’re more interested in Britney Spears’ health than her $19.” I’m not quite so sure it’s her health they’re worried about – I think it’s more her ass. I’m kidding, but obviously they’re interested in her health for the sake of their company. Anything that gets Britney up, out, and moving has got to be a good thing. And if she has to leave the chalupas alone, so be it.

Here’s Britney leaving Bally Total Fitness after a private training session in Los Angeles yesterday. Images thanks to WENN.

Update by Celebitchy: Bally Total Fitness is well known for scamming and pressuring people into signing multi-year contracts that can’t be canceled. A friend of mine had his credit ruined when he tried to get out of a long contract there. I was once put in a room with a salesperson there and pressured into signing a contract after a friend of mine brought me for a workout. They’ve been sued many times for this tactic. The company went bankrupt in August of last year, and was bought out by a hedge fund.

Maybe if they would have set rates for specific packages and would publish their membership fees they wouldn’t need to try and use Britney to lure in more people to scam. You should be able to know what the rates are for a club ahead of time and not be pressured to sign a contract right away.

Reports that Johnny Depp was offered $10 million to be the front man for Trojans Magnum condom range recently hit the gossip press. Oh yes, we all believe Johnny could fill the role. (Pun intended.)

The “Pirates of the Caribbean” star, 44, would be expected to appear in a series of offbeat TV commercials for the company’s new Magnum range, according to the Star

Sadly despite U.K.’s Daily Star and Fox News stories on the marriage of dirty pirate hotness and big boy prophylactics, it is not true. It is a damn shame. The rumor stated that the slogan ad executives were toying with was “Stand up with Johnny for Safer Sex.” Kinda lame, but cheers for the safe sex angle.

Sources close to Johnny stated that he was considering the job, but his reps vehemently deny his involvement with bthe rand. Depp is known for his humanitarian efforts and finds the promotion of safe sex to be vital and a positive influence. Yet there seems to be a lack of fact checking on someone’s part.

“There is no truth to this,” says the spokeswoman, Robin Baum. “He has not been approached.”

[Mixed Media]

Why don’t they just print Johnny’s face on the condoms? That should cause a demand for them that exceeds the cost of a potential lawsuit. Oh, come on! We all have the Jack Sparrow shivering-our-timbers fantasy.

The launch of Emporio Armani underwear collection is eminent. February will welcome the American branch of the line that has been available in Europe for years. Giorgio has tapped the assets of David Beckham to be the “face” of the campaign.

“WWD has learned Beckham has been signed as the global face of Emporio Armani underwear. Beckham was shooting the ad campaign in Los Angeles late last week with Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott. The ads will break in fashion magazines worldwide beginning with the January issues.”

[WWD]

The underwear designed by the fashion legend will hit Emporio stores December with a soft launch. Then in January Macy’s and Bloomingdales will carry the goods online. February will mark the official launch, which will bring the line into the stores themselves.

David Beckham is no stranger to the world of Armani. He and Giorgio designed the uniforms for the English soccer (football to the Europeans) team back in 2002. Armani has also been forging a relationship between fashion and sports for years. He is responsible for putting threads on the backs of Russell Crowe’s Australian rugby team. The players were also treated to front row seats at his fashion show in Milan.

I can just see models everywhere begin to nervously look into joining the football team. Then again, my idea of the male model is similar to the “Zoolander” movie. I picture men in thigh high shorts throwing a ball to one another and screaming, “I thought we agreed not to get the ball anywhere near our faces!”

Picture note by Celebitchy: David Beckham is shown at the premiere of “Lions For Lambs” on 11/1/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

Everyone wants a piece of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. Handsome Brady has upped his star factor with a high-profile relationship with top paid supermodel, Gisele Bundchen, and by fathering a baby with ex girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan. Now it’s said that Jennifer Aniston has personally chosen Brady to represent SmartWater, a brand she appeared in advertisements for and is now an investor in the company.

Jennifer Aniston has chosen American football star Tom Brady as the male face of energy drink SmartWater. The former Friends star was recently photographed by Mario Testino for a SmartWater advertising campaign.

And Aniston, an investor in the company, now wants the New England Patriots quarterback, who is dating supermodel Gisele Bundchen, to do the same.

An insider tells American magazine OK!, “Not only does she think he can sell water, but he makes her want to take a cold shower!”

[From Starpulse via WeSmirch]

And football-fit Brady might be stripping down to his skivvies for Calvin Klein underwear. They’re said to have offered him a more than one million dollar deal to represent the company:

Tom, 30, who’s posed for Stetson Cologne before, is being wooed to become the next celebrity model for Calvin Klein underwear. He’s been offered more than $1 million for the ad campaign, says an insider.

[From In Touch magazine, print edition, November 19, 2007]

Brady doesn’t need the money, although it will probably come in handy considering that his girlfriend has expensive taste. Although he’s paid less than other top quarterbacks, he signed a six year extension with the Patriots in 2005 that’s worth about $60 million.

Brady is shown running in NY on the West Side Highway on 9/2/07. Thanks to Splash News for these pictures.

God I wish I were famous. Why aren’t entertainment bloggers more famous? If we were, we could get great promotion deals like Puffy, who just signed a deal to promote Ciroc Vodka that could be worth as much as $100 million over the next several years. They could do that for bloggers. I could promote… thinking hard… pens? Computers? Us Weekly? That’s got to be worth a good $45 right there. Damn you Puffy. Like you didn’t have enough money, you had to add another freaking hundred million to the pot? That means he can father at least four more illegitimate kids and still pay for them. That’s not right.

Just five years ago, Sean “Diddy” Combs asked Busta Rhymes to “pass the Courvoisier.” These days, it’s all about the vodka. The 37-year-old hip-hop mogul has inked a multiyear deal to develop the Ciroc vodka brand - one of Diageo PLC’s superpremium lines - for a 50-50 share in the profits. It’s the latest agreement in which a celebrity is going beyond the typical endorser role to share in a brand’s rise and fall, such as Jay-Z with Budweiser and 50 Cent with Vitamin Water.

Diageo said the agreement could be worth more than $100 million for Combs over the course of the deal, depending on how well the brand performs. “It is not an endorsement deal,” Combs told The Associated Press on Tuesday night. “This is something that will have my daily attention.” Combs said he wanted to work with Diageo because the company understood that “I’m not just a celebrity endorser, I’m a brand builder. I’m a luxury brand builder.” Combs said he will be responsible for everything from marketing the brand to deciding where to sell it, and will focus on attracting “movers and shakers” to the line. “They’re looking for something that tastes like their lifestyle,” he said. “It’s that trendsetter, that hipster, someone who’s looking for luxury and looking for something better. I can’t overhype someone into loving vodka,” he said. But once consumers actually taste Ciroc, “I think we can convert a lot of people.”

[From the Associated Press]

You know what P-Diddle or whatever your name is, you can suck it. $100 million for that? I would do that for $1.25. I’m not saying it’d work out as well, but it would be more fair. Really, as much as I joke, P-Diddle is nothing if not a phenomenal businessman. He knows how to turn himself into a brand and how to really market himself, his lifestyle, and his products. His Sean Jean label is doing incredibly well, and the guy really does control and participate in his businesses – he doesn’t just slap his name on something some company did all the work for. It sounds like this deal will obviously be a little more traditional, in that this is another company’s product, and not P-Diddle’s. But for that amount of money, most people would promote just about anything. So congrats, I guess. Jerk.

Did I hide my jealousy well?

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Puffy at the Sean John Womens Line Launch Party on October 19th in New York City. Image thanks to PR Photos.

I really don’t think we’ve heard enough about the Beckhams. In an effort to get just a little closer with each and every American, the Beckhams have come out with their own “his and her” fragrances, called “Intimately Beckham.” I’m pretty sure most women would have some ideas about getting intimate with David Beckham… I’m not sure how the gentlemen feel about Victoria though. There’s a lot of bones and silicone to wade through. Lest you fear that this is just another celebrity ploy to put a famous name on an otherwise random piece of merchandise, rest assured that Victoria Beckham is intimately involved in the whole process.

“Why is this different from any other celebrity fragrance? The fact that (I) have spent a lot of time checking all the details,” Victoria Beckham told Women’s Wear Daily. “We are not just saying, `We are celebrities, put our name on it.’ I love to be involved with the whole process.”

[From the Associated Press]

The perfumes sell for $25 - $55 depending on the size of Beckham you’d like to buy. Since Victoria is so tiny, I’m guessing her perfume should actually run about $12. You can go ahead and run on out to purchase a little bit of Beckham at your local department store right now, or wait until the first of next year, when they’ll be available at drugstores. Because nothing says classy like a bottle of eau de toilette you found next to the foot cream at Rite Aid.

What exactly do you think “Intimately Beckham” smells like? Posh’s fragrance must have notes of bulimia, leather shoes and spray-on tanner (do those things have a smell? Let’s assume so). David’s must smell like testosterone… okay that ones probably fine. I’m really beyond annoyed with this couple trying so hard to brand themselves. It’s getting really tasteless. Next they’ll come out with their own line of hams. Beck Hams. Get it? Okay I promise never to do that again.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Remember all the fuss over the ad for the Beckham’s fragrance with Victoria so obviously sporting an enhanced butt? Header image via KissandMakeup.

Putting the Cooties back into their brand name - Coty announced that part time model and full time Pete Doherty-enabler Kate Moss will be joining up with them to put out her own line of signature fragrances.

According to Coty, the first fragrance for Moss will capture her unique style and deepen her universal appeal. “As a one-of-a-kind modern beauty icon, Kate Moss carries clout and credibility among photographers, fashion designers and the beauty industry. This has made her a leading beauty face of the new millennium, said Bernd Beetz, CEO, Coty Inc. “There is no one better to embody a new fragrance than Kate, who epitomizes the look and feel of today’s fashionistas. We are very excited about this fragrance collaboration and look forward to a long and fruitful partnership.”

via Oh No They Didnt

Poor Bernd Beetz …named after an overcooked winter vegetable and also unable to recognize the difference between the last millennium and this one. Clout and credibility are clearly the new fading charm and unconvincing saleability.

It turns out deluded views of reality and a complete inability to sense which way the wind is blowing make Coty McCooties Inc. and Burnt Parsnips the perfect match for ol’ Mossy:

“For me, Coty is the ideal partner to create my own scent,” commented Moss. “I’ve been delighted to work with Coty over the years and am pleased to collaborate with them on my first fragrance.”

The yet-to-be named fragrance is set for launch in autumn 2007 throughout Europe, the Middle East and Australia with subsequent plans to extend to the United States, Canada and Latin America. The line will include eau de toilette, eau de perfume and ancillary products.

The anticipation fairly burns as the imagination fairly boggles:

A grotty fragrance that opens with fresh and mouth-watering notes of dirty weekend dishes, hypodermics and unwashed hair. The very Mossy heart note is composed of flip flops, ferret teeth and bad judgement, followed with a woody and sweet end note of shambles, babies and libertines.

Suggestions for the Fragrance’s name should keep the Internet busy for days.

Swiss watch maker Raymond Weil paid Charlize Theron a whopping $20 million to represent their exclusive diamond-studded watches worth $7k and up. Charlize’s three year contract as the face of Dior J’Adore perfume is said to be worth less than a third of that at a speculated $6 million. (Although one report has it at just $3 to $5 million.) Weil is suing Theron for breach of contract after she was seen wearing a Dior watch in a perfume ad, at the SXSW film festival last spring, and in an ad for an AIDS charity. The Dior watch she wore also had diamonds on it, and Weil’s attorney says she’s making them look like dupes in the industry:

The suit by Raymond Weil accuses the Oscar-winning star of “Monster” of two-timing the company by wearing a Christian Dior watch in public - a strict no-no in her $20 million deal.

“If you’re the model for Ralph Lauren, you can’t show up wearing Gucci at the Academy Awards,” said David Jaroslawicz, an attorney for the watchmaker. “She undercut our entire ad campaign.”

The South African stunner signed on as the face of a multimillion-dollar ad campaign in October 2005, allegedly agreeing to wear only Raymond Weil watches in public.

As an “international ambassador” for the company, Theron touted the limited edition line of diamond-covered Shine watches, which sell for $7,000 and have straps made of gold or alligator skin.

But Theron ticked off her sponsors when she turned up in a Tourneau catalogue wearing a diamond-encrusted watch over the words, “Charlize Theron wears Dior.” She also had been photographed at a Texas film festival last March allegedly wearing a Dior watch.

“We spent a fortune on an ad campaign centered around her,” Jaroslawicz said. “Then she goes off and makes us look silly in the industry by wearing Dior.”

If someone gave me a watch worth a few thousand dollars I would forsake it for all others, even if I didn’t like the style. Theron got a deal that paid 3-4 times the amount she was getting paid to rep Dior, so you think she could remember to put on the right watch when she appears in public. She hasn’t been in many blockbusers, so this is where her bread and gilded butter come from and it’s gotta hurt to be hit a lawsuit by her biggest sponsor.

Theron is not even supposed to wear jewelry that isn’t Weil approved. It does look like she was moderately careful about it, though, as I searched for those ads for Dior where she’s wearing a watch and couldn’t find them. She usually didn’t have any jewelry on in the Dior ads apart from holding up the perfume bottle like an earring. She was seen wearing jewelry which she discards like so much garbage in the commercial, though, which is below.

Theron is probably more friendly and in touch with the Dior people, which may explain the watch oversight. She went with Dior designer John Galliano to the Costume Institute Gala last spring, and he is responsible for her poofy monstrosity of an Oscar dress.

Jessica Simpson also forgot her duties as a brand representative for jeans, and is being sued for a whopping $100 million by Tarrant Apparrel for not wearing the jeans named after her and plugging the brand “True Religion” when asked in an interview what her favorite jeans were.

Note: I will be on vacation Thursday and Friday and have prepared some articles ahead of time. UrbanDK will be in charge and will cover current news stories. I apologize if I haven’t been “on” as much as usual these past couple of days, I’m working hard to get ready for the trip and keep the gossip flowing.