Here are some photos from this weekend’s Variety “Women of Power” luncheon in LA. Eva Longoria and Demi Moore were the co hostesses, which… just my opinion, tells you a lot about the event. Granted, lots of great women doing great work were honored by Variety. But it feels like the women who were honored were just the ones that agreed to show up, because they’ll literally say yes to any invitation. Demi, Eva, Olivia Wilde, Lea Michele and Jennifer Love Hewitt were there. That speaks volumes.

Anyway, Demi wore this Victoria Beckham dress, which looks fine, if not a bit boring. Demi’s problem (in my mind) has never been her figure. Yes, back in the day, she used to just look softer. I liked her “soft” look so much better, but Demi seems to prefer this current look – sinewy, slender, the yoga/Pilates look. My problem is with Demi’s face – it really just looks so rough. Like she’s been tweaking so much, she’s starting to lose control over it. Her smile looks like a painful wince and she just looks strained and yes, busted. I wonder what she would have looked like if she didn’t mess with her face? My guess is that it would have been a lot better.

Next up, Eva Longoria in Ferragamo. It looks like everything else that Eva has ever worn. She does that to every dress – she never looks “new”. It never feels like she’s working a new look, it’s always the same shellacked, game-show-hostess beauty. Eva spent her time on the red carpet praising Demi, saying, “She is an amazing human being. She is just a dynamic human being who can balance work, motherhood and philanthropy so well.” Yikes.

And finally, Jennifer Love Hewitt in Herve Leger. Because she must own two dozen bandage dresses and somehow that never gets boring for her. “The muumuu or the bandage dress? I can’t decide!”

Photos courtesy of Fame.

I haven’t written about Eva Longoria in a while, mostly because “Who cares?” Also, I have to say – Eva has been keeping a lower profile. Maybe it’s just that no one really cares enough to invite her places, or maybe the paparazzi are bored with her too, but she hasn’t been getting pap’d on a daily basis for several months. Sure, she manages to get pap’d once a week or so, but that’s very low-key for Eva. Anyway, Eva is still loved-up with Penelope Cruz’s brother, Eduardo. He’s 26 – Eva is 36. She’s twice divorced, he’s never been in a really committed relationship. So… I’m saying that “six months” together is an achievement – although the “six months” figure is a lie perpetuated by Star Magazine. Eva and Eduardo started up two seconds after Eva’s marriage was over, last year. There were photos of them together around New Year’s. So they’ve been together for more than eight months. Time for marriage and babies?!?

Why wait when you’re in love! Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz, 26, are so smitten with each other that after dating for just six months, he popped the question in Marbella, Spain, a source close to the actor reveals to Star. The big moment came while they were cruising the Mediterranean on a yacht with his sister Penelope Cruz and her husband Javier Bardem, in July.

And they even plan to wed later this year.

“After he proposed, Eva and Eduardo jumped into the water together,” says the source. Tying the knot again so soon may seem like a big leap for the Desperate Housewives star, whose marriage to Tony Parker ended last November.

But Eduardo’s pal tells Star, “They’ve found their soul mate in each other.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Part of me thinks that Eva is just one of Those Girls. Those Girls who always have a boyfriend/husband, those girls who can never be alone for two seconds, those girls who go from “casually dating” to “OMG, we’re getting married” in about a month. So, I’m not really surprised that there are engagement rumors, and I seriously doubt they’re coming from Eduardo. This is ALL Eva. Which means that I don’t know if I can take it seriously – I just don’t see Eduardo Cruz being all “I want to spend the rest of my life with Eva Longoria!” It doesn’t make sense.

By the way, did you notice how the Star Mag piece name-dropped Penelope and Javier? That’s Eva’s M.O. too. Eva is desperate to make this Penelope Cruz connection happen, when really, I don’t think Penelope cares much for Eva. I hope Penelope really thinks that Eva is a desperate, fame-hungry B-lister.

UPDATE: Oh, and Eva’s publicist denied this story. Considering he was the one to plant it, it makes sense.

Photos courtesy of PCN, Fame.

Last year, I noted that Jennifer Lopez had become, in my mind, the new Eva Longoria. This was before Jennifer signed on to American Idol, mind you, and Jennifer’s career seemed to flailing, and all she did was wander around every red carpet with her mouth hanging open (her “sexy-face”), which is kind of Eva Longoria’s move, historically. One of my biggest complaints about Eva is that she will show up to the opening of an envelope, and she’s really boring. That was Jennifer a year and a half ago. Well, Jennifer found a way to push herself back into relevancy, both with Idol and by publicly dumping her controlling husband, Marc Anthony. Jennifer is now back on top! But there’s still an Eva Longoria problem – just not the same one:

Life & Style: “J. Lo Betrayed by Marc Again.”

Life & Style claims that following his split with Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony has reached out to Eva Longoria for comfort.

“In a long, tearful, anguished conversation,” Anthony told Longoria “about his heartache, his pain, his disappointment.”

Life & Style explains that “there’s a history of bad blood between Jennifer and Eva,” and that’s why “Marc’s calls to Eva behind Jennifer’s back — telling her all the deepest, darkest secrets about his marriage to the ‘American Idol’ judge — are the ultimate betrayal.”

Apparently in 2008 Eva was photographed sitting on Marc’s lap at a party in Las Vegas, mere months after Jenny gave birth to twins.

“Jennifer hates Eva,” a source claims.

[From Life & Style via Jezebel & Gossip Cop]

To be fair, both Eva Longoria’s and Marc’s rep deny the story, and besides that, Eva has a man – Eduardo Cruz, Penelope Cruz’s brother (Penelope allegedly hates Eva too). Now, I believe that Eva and Marc are friendly, and maybe they even talk, and maybe there’s a little flutter of something… like, maybe Eva thinks she can trade up from Eduardo to Marc? But in general, I don’t think Eva and Marc are doing anything crazy. Here’s what I do buy, though: Jennifer hates Eva. I will buy that every day of the week and twice on Sunday. It just feels right.

By the way, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were seen together in Southampton yesterday. According to reports, Marc had flown in to spend time with the kids. You can see the photo here. Jennifer’s rep seems to emphasize that they are not back together. Of course not. She’s done with him.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Eva’s boob starts popping out at 3:30

So Eva Longoria has a new cookbook out called “Eva’s Kitchen” and because she’s on television and is semi-famous she’s being given a platform to promote it. Eva was on Letterman last night. We already saw the ridiculous short-shorts she was wearing, and it turns out that she had on a low cut tuxedo jacket with no shirt under it as well. When she sat down you could almost see her ass cheek from the side and Dave could barely concentrate he was trying so hard to get a glimpse of her B cups. At least she hasn’t gotten a boob job yet. I would have been embarrassed for her if she had any shame. Eva completed her third grade tap dance recital outfit with a really long fake looking Tony Pony.

It was hard to take Eva seriously at all when she talked about how to make guacamole. It’s like she wanted to serve it to us just wearing an apron and high heels. What the hell is Eva promoting exactly?

Eva Longoria decided formal attire would be best for her interview with David Letterman on Wednesday night. But the star must have been so eager to appear on “The Late Show” that she forgot to finish getting dressed in wardrobe.

The “Desperate Housewives” star appeared with Letterman on Wednesday to promote her new cookbook, “Eva’s Kitchen,” but all eyes — especially the host’s — were on what she wore on set.

“I wore a tuxedo for you,” she told Letterman, to which he replied, “That’s only part of a tuxedo.”

The outfit drew even more attention when her jacket — which covered up her shirtless chest — began to pop open. It was all Letterman could do to keep his focus on her cookbook and the guacamole recipe that she was presenting. Turns out that she likes cilantro, but he has a genetic predisposition to find it soapy tasting.

Later in the interview, Longoria confirmed that the cast of “Desperate Housewives” were in negotiations to return for an eighth and ninth season.

[From Huffington Post]

I have to cosign Eva loving cilantro. I put it on top of cream cheese on an english muffin in the morning. My husband isn’t a fan of it though so I have to use it sparingly when I cook for him.

So Eva likes to cook and she’s a TV star, so that makes her qualified to put out a cookbook and promote it on The Late Show. She’s such a great cook and her recipes are so tasty that they stand on their own merits and she doesn’t need to try any famewhore moves to get publicity.

Eva also said that Desperate Housewives will be back for an eighth season next year, and maybe a ninth as it remains the most popular scripted show on ABC. She’s not going away anytime soon.

Screencaps from the show.

I have enjoyed several parts of Eva Longoria’s relationship with Eduardo Cruz, the younger brother of Penelope Cruz. One part of enjoyment comes from Eva’s blatant hypocrisy and mixed media messaging when talking about her divorce from Tony Parker. She’s trying to milk the divorce for all of the public sympathy that she can get, and she’s being really, really obvious about it. At the same time, she’s pushing her “new” relationship with Eduardo to any paparazzo who will snap their photo. Also: the relationship began long before the “official” line – there were photos of Eduardo at Eva house just weeks after Eva and Tony split. But I digress.

My absolute favorite part of Eva’s Eduardo drama is how Eva is trying to sidle up to Eduardo’s Oscar-winning, A-list sister, Penelope. The Enquirer had a story a few weeks ago about how Penelope hates Eva’s guts and thinks that Eva is a famewhoring B-lister who should get her cougar claws out of Penelope’s baby brother. And now, a new chapter. Us Weekly has yet another “Eva is moving on, she’s got a new man!” story, and this week’s twist is that Eva’s people are leaking the story that she and Penelope get along really, really well. Riiight.

Look who’s rebounding!

“I’m moving on,” Eva Longoria tells Hot Stuff. “Life is great!”

Indeed, a source says Eva has been “blossoming” with boyfriend of two months Eduardo Cruz.

“With Tony, she used to feel pressure to learn French and deal with his crazy mother. Now she’s in a family where she feels comfortable.”

Adding to her bliss? Longoria already has the approval of her beau’s bid sister.

“At first, Eva was unsure if Penelope would like her,” adds the source. “but now they embrace each other. She just met Penelope’s baby!”

[From Us Weekly, print edition]

Seriously, I’m not one for gratuitous catfights, but I would seriously pay good money to see Penelope take care of this famewhore once and for all. Penelope can throw down. “But Eva is scrappy,” you say. NO! Penelope is going to cut a bitch, especially now that Eva has taken to famewhoring the baby!!! It’s not just about Penelope and Eva now. Eva crossed a line.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Eva Longoria thinks we’re idiots. That’s what it boils down to. Just yesterday, we had Eva’s attempt at a post-divorce pity party, bemoaning how “sad” it’s been for her to be without Tony Parker. That Allure interview came out on the same day that Eva was photographed making out with Eduardo Cruz, Penelope Cruz’s little brother. Shortly after she and Tony Parker split up, Eva began dating Eduardo. And when I say “shortly after” I mean that it was basically a matter of weeks. Eva pushed the Eduardo hookup story to whatever tabloid would take it, so it was mostly strategic leaks to OK! Magazine, like Eva “accidentally” walking out of her house in her short robe while Eduardo wandered around, all for the paparazzi. Since then, Eva has slowly been pap’ing herself, and we have yet to have access to any of the many public makeout photos as of yet. You can see today’s photos here, at Us Weekly. Eva and Eduardo at Disneyland – Eduardo looks like he’s “play” strangling her. Because she’s SO SAD about her divorce, right? Anyway, Life & Style reports that Eva is moving Eduardo into her home:

Who said breaking up was hard to do? Life & Style’s Scene Queens have learned that just four months after splitting from hubby Tony Parker, Eva Longoria is already planning to shack up with boyfriend Eduardo Cruz.

During a make out session at the Chateau Marmont on March 7, we overheard Eva saying, “Baby, it will be so great to spend every day with you. I can’t wait for you to move in!” Since Eva’s divorce was finalized on Jan. 28, the actress and Penelope Cruz’s little brother have been heating up everywhere from a yacht in Miami to a Hollywood cabaret club. “She can’t stop gushing about her man,” an insider tells Scene Queens. “Eva says she has found her true love.”

[From Life & Style]

See, it’s not just that Eva is an uncontrollable famewhore who will literally do anything for attention. It’s that she thinks we won’t notice her really, really obvious machinations. I would like Eva slightly more if she was like “Tony and I didn’t work out, whatever, I’ve got a new young stud.” But Eva wants it all – the pity party and the stud.

Oh, and Penelope Cruz is going cut a bitch.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Eva Longoria just can’t get anyone interested in her post-divorce exclusive tell-all interview. There were rumors that she was supposed to get a full People Magazine cover at one point, but I think her “exclusive” just ended up on some sidebar. And now she’s trying to do a big, splashy post-split magazine piece… only Vanity Fair wouldn’t take her calls, I guess. So she ended up the April cover girl for Allure. Which… honestly, isn’t so bad. It totally could have been worse. She could be giving her story to Steppin’ Out Magazine.

Regarding the cover shoot – eh. I’m still focused on what is different with her face, because I think something’s off. I think she had some “breakup Botox” or something. The cover shot in particular is unflattering too – she looks like she’s mid-snart. Go here for the Allure slideshow, and here are some interview excerpts:

On how women have helped her through her divorce:
“You know, some people collect plates and stamps and coins. I collect people; I collect amazing, smart, interesting women.”

On her life post-divorce:
“I’m kind of having to find new patterns because I’m not used to having … I’m used to always being on a plane and flying to a basketball game… It’s been … every time I talk about it, I want to cry. It’s been hard. Very hard. I’m just trying to get through it as gracefully as possible without any drama.”

On her next phase in life:
“I’m in a transition stage, settling into a new routine, and I welcome it.”

On being racy in past interviews:
“It’s hard for me to censor myself, because I like to be honest and free and say exactly what I’m thinking or feeling. Unfortunately, so many things are taken out of context, and [now] I’m a little more cautious about what I say.”

On being proud of “Desperate Housewives”:
“‘Desperate Housewives’ was groundbreaking for Latinos in television because the Solises were the richest people on the block — and they’re Mexican.”

On her first job:
“My first job ever was at Wendy’s. I still remember the order to put things on the burger: mayonnaise, ketchup, pickles, onions, tomato, lettuce, mustard. Would you like some fries with that?”

[From Allure]

God, Eva makes me want to smack myself in the face with a hammer. Can she be any more obliviously cliché? It’s like she’s trying to borrow heavily from The Post-Split Aniston Handbook, but Eva doesn’t realize that NO ONE gives a crap, and we never really did. Eva says, “I’m just trying to get through it as gracefully as possible without any drama.” No, you’re trying to build up drama because that’s what you are: a drama queen famewhore who would sell your mother if it got you the cover of a better magazine.

Oh, and No-Drama Longoria was making out with Eduardo Cruz for the paparazzi yesterday. It’s like the third “accidental” public makeout session they’ve had this week.

Photos courtesy of Allure.

As we reported in January, just a short time after Eva Longoria’s divorce drama, she began hooking up with Eduardo Cruz, the younger brother of Penelope Cruz. Eduardo is 25, I think, and Eva turns 36 years old this month. Eva was trying to push this relationship in the media – OK! Magazine got several remarkable “tips” about Eva and Eduardo’s relationship in the beginning, but surprisingly enough, Eva has been underplaying it the past month or so. No mysterious little gossip items about their romance, no People Magazine cover with Eva declaring that she’s “ready to love again!” The radio silence actually made me think that the relationship had been short-lived. According to this week’s Enquirer, though, Eva and Eduardo are still together, but Eduardo’s sister Penelope is trying to destroy their relationship. I can’t help it – this story made me laugh, mainly because if this is at all true, Penelope totally “gets” Eva.

Penelope Cruz is terrified that Eva Longoria is going to break the heart of her little brother Eduardo – and she’s begging him to dump Eva ASAP! Eduardo and Eva began dating in January, just two months after Eva filed for divorce from her basketball star hubby of three years, Tony Parker.

“Penelope is worried that the romance is nothing more than a rebound fling for Eva,” revealed the source. “Penelope is worried Eduardo will get his heart broken when Eva moves on to her next flavor of the month.”

What’s worse, Penelope suspects Eva is using Eduardo to try to get close to her and Javier Bardem because she thinks the couple can help get her film roles.

“Penelope believes Eva is nothing more than a fame-hungry, bad B-list actress who is using Eduardo in an effort to further her career… Penelope doesn’t understand why Eduardo is settling for a woman nearly 10 years older – especially one who failed so spectacularly at her last relationship. She thinks Eduardo can do much better than Eva. She’s always reminding him that he’s young, gorgeous and successful and that he could have his pick of women,” said the source.

Eva has reportedly been pushing Eduardo to arrange get-togethers with Penelope and her husband to try to win them over, but the source says Penelope isn’t interested.

“Penelope has no desire to get chummy with Eva,” the source added. “And she wishes she’d leave her baby brother alone, too.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

Catfight! Seriously, this sounds epic, and my money is on Penelope. Eva is a petite famewhore who is used to clawing her way to any scrap of attention, but Penelope looks like she could cut a bitch any day of the week. My favorite line: “Penelope believes Eva is nothing more than a fame-hungry, bad B-list actress who is using Eduardo in an effort to further her career.” It’s like poetry! I want this fight to happen. In my mind, it involves Penelope pulling a homemade shank out of her pillowy bosom and muttering something filthy in Spanish, just before delivering the death blow.

Photos courtesy of WENN and Fame.

Above is a photo of Eduardo Cruz, the little (hot) brother of Penelope Cruz. Good genes in that family, eh? Eduardo is a musician and singer, mostly famous in Spain and Europe. And now he’s boning Eva Longoria, fresh from her split with Tony Parker. You know what sucks for Eva? The only magazine interested in this story – about who she’s boning immediately post-split, always an interesting story – is OK! Magazine. And they didn’t even make it a full cover story. They just gave her a little side-item:

Sad! Anyway, the basic gist of the story is that Eva and Eduardo were spotted together on Eva’s LA property on Christmas Eve. Because… why not? Oh, right.

Eva Longoria is already rebounding from her marital split from Tony Parker with the help of Penélope Cruz’s much younger brother, Eduardo Cruz. Early on Christmas Eve, Eva Longoria’s nosier neighbors might have glimpsed a “morning after” scene straight out of Desperate Housewives: Eva and Eduardo — the 10-years-younger Spanish pop singer and baby brother of Eva’s pal Penélope — padding around barefoot inside her garage.

Longoria was spotted Christmas Eve morning walking around barefoot in her garage wearing nothing but a short white robe, “Desperate Housewives”-style. Eduardo, also barefoot, was seen in the garage shortly after.

Neighbors near Eva’s $3.6 million home in LA say she’s been spending a lot of time with the scruffy Spanish pop singer who’s 10 years her junior.

“They were clearly very comfortable with each other,” a source on the scene tells OK!. “They started to rummage around in Eva’s Range Rover, getting some bags out.”

“He’s there at least three nights out of every four — he turns up and he leaves the next morning,” the insider tells OK!, adding, “they are trying desperately to stay beneath the radar.”

[From Page Six and OK! Magazine]

But, Eva’s rep tells Page Six that “Eva and Eduardo are friends.” Yes, that’s why she was wandering around in a shorty-robe with some shirtless hunk on Christmas Eve, posing for the paparazzi. Because they are just friends. Right.

I guess I have to give Eva some credit, though. Eduardo is hot. Damn.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Bauer-Griffin.

Eva Longoria’s BFF Mario Lopez got a reality show (I downloaded the first episode of “Saved By The Baby” for free on iTunes and couldn’t bring myself to watch it) and now it’s not surprising to hear that Eva is about to get her own reality show. It will reportedly feature Eva’s courageous recovery from her husband’s infidelity that she went running to the press about.

Eva Longoria’s getting a new dose of reality!… [She] told pals that A&E network’s set to green-light a show based on her endlessly dramatic real life. Revealed a pal: “Eva wants to document her push to reassemble her life after a broken marriage. It will highlight her intensive charity work and show what she’s really all about!” And maybe taunt Tony with a peek at her new dating life? The show should include lotsa scenes with Eva’s mega-watt real-life pals – like Mario Lopez and Jamie Foxx. Stay tuned.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, Mike Walker's column January 10, 2011]

Does anyone want to see Eva in all her preening glory? I’m sure she has some fans from Desperate Housewives who would watch her pretend to not be an entitled diva. I’ve also heard she pampers her dog, and that could be interesting for about five minutes. No one can top Lisa VanderPump and Giggy, though.

Why do we need more reality shows with C Listers when we can see fabulous new stars that bring the drama every week? We want interesting plotlines and catfights, not boring television personalities trying to increase brand awareness so that they can earn more in their next perfume campaign.

A&E should know better. They’re the network that brought us “Kirstie Alley’s Big Life” and look how well that worked out for them.