It’s been a while since we’ve done anything about Jennifer Love Hewitt, so why not? It’s a slow gossip day, and this dress is noteworthy. Honestly, I like the idea of this dress, much more than I like the execution. JLH is (partly) famous for figure, the infamous “Pear Ass” as her ex-boyfriend Jamie Kennedy called it. And pear-shaped ladies should try this general sillhoutte – empire waist, loose skirt masking the pear, showing off your assets (in this case, JLH’s shoulders and bust) and obscuring your faults (JLH’s recent weight gain, I guess, in her mind).

But there’s something that I kind of hate about this look on her. I think it’s a combination of the color – that too-strong orange color-block with the cream fabric on the bottom is not good – and the fact that the skirt is too billowy. All of that extra fabric ADDS weight to your bottom half rather than masking weight on your bottom half.

Two more things: JLH is at an age and a cup size where the girls need to be supported at all times in public. Her bust is simply too big to go braless. I get that she probably thought she couldn’t wear a bra with a dress like this, and she’s right. But the answer is “not wearing the dress”, not “wearing the dress without a bra.” Lastly, hideous bag. Just awful.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

I am a connoisseur of sweaters. My latest sweater loves are shawl sweater coats, with only two button closures and no tie at the waist. I got the sweaters in a pale green and black – I wore the black one when CB and I went to see True Grit. Now, I didn’t know that Katie Holmes did sweater coats, but here she is in New York last night, wearing a chocolate brown cable-knit sweater coat. I like the IDEA of this sweater much more than the execution. Plus, I think Katie should go down one size, because it’s kind of overwhelming her. And the excess ribbing is overwhelming me. More cable, less ribbing. Still… I want a chocolate brown cable sweater coat!

Also – are we going to talk about how Katie looks high as a kite? No? Okay. Hate the shoes too.

Last thing: Katie has been all over New York, getting pap’d constantly because she’s hard at work selling her clothing line, Holmes & Yang. According to Page Six, the Kate-bot “is making an aggressive push to retailers for her Holmes & Yang clothing line, which she launched in 2009 with her stylist, Jeanne Yang. On Tuesday, the two kicked off a series of trunk shows for their spring and fall lines at Barneys, which has carried their collection for two seasons. It remained a mystery as to whether Holmes’ daughter, Suri, contributes in any way to the line, as reporters were told by handlers that questions about the cute youngster were forbidden.” With this zombie face as the “face” of your clothing line, would you expect it sell? No. Beyond that, Katie is a crap fashion designer.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Yesterday, we saw Katie Holmes and The Mystery of Latex Leggings. Today, we get Katie Holmes and The Mystery of Whatever The Fug This Is. I don’t get it. I don’t even get it enough to analyze all of the different (fug) parts. It’s a hideous mess. No… okay, I will analyze it. Imagine this without the fluffy, fur mini-cardi (by Nina Ricci). It’s just a, like, a leotard with a wrap dance skirt, right? Wrong. The skirt is Lanvin. The tank is from The Row. Katie is just one of those women who make expensive designer clothes look cheap as hell. Plus, when you put all the pieces together… she looks like a 50-year-old ballet instructor who is going out for drinks at the local Hilton. Rough.

But the biggest problem? Katie’s drugged-out robot face. Why is it that when Katie is surrounded by adults – presumably her Scientology handlers – she always looks like she’s high a kite? And I don’t think it’s e-meter electronic pulses either, like Star Magazine claimed (and Katie sued over). I think Katie is on something more old-fashioned. Like buckets of pills.

Also – Lainey says one of these women is Tom Cruise’s sister…? I’m guessing it’s not the Asian one…?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Oh, Katie. Just say no, girl. These are photos of our beloved robot, Katie Holmes, looking zonked out, staring at the pavement like it holds the secret to Xenu. Katie’s wearing these pleather leggings that seem to be everywhere these days. I recently saw Kim Kardashian in a strikingly similar pair, which were being stretched beyond their man-made capabalities. Now, Katie isn’t “thick” like Kim, but her legs are definitely not her strongest feature. I’m not saying that to be cruel or anything – my legs aren’t my best feature either, and Katie’s legs are in better shape than mine. This is just not a flattering look for her, though.

I think Katie’s most consistent styling problem is that in her own mind, she’s a trendsetter, and a follower of whatever is hip or current in fashion right now. Add to that the little fact of Katie not realizing that she doesn’t have the figure to pull off every trend (no one does), and you’ve got Katie’s train wreck style. I wish I could talk to Katie and tell her what to wear. Like, “Emphasize the length of your legs, but don’t focus on the shape of your legs. Straight-cut and boot-cut trousers for you, or skirts cut just above the knee, with high heels. And no leggings, for the love of God.”

Two more things: first, I LOVE that Katie is in New York, with Suri, doing her own thing away from Tom. Tom is God knows where, I think maybe Canada? Filming Mission Impossible? Probably. Also: Suri does not have her own personal assistant. Just FYI.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Last night, there was a big Broadway event called “Miscast”. It was a fundraiser for the MCC Theatre, and the gala was described as a “one-night-only musical spectacular featured Broadway’s hottest stars performing songs from roles in which they would never be cast.” Sounds like a cute fundraiser. So… Melissa Leo was there. Correction: OSCAR WINNER and professional f-bomb dropper Melissa Leo was there. And this was what she was wearing. I mean… for the love of GOD. This isn’t some event where I would expect her to put on her tackiest ball gown (now that would be an incredible competition), but it’s still an event where you know you’re going to be photographed… ESPECIALLY if you’re posing on the red carpet. Just dab on some makeup and don’t go out of the house in your old-timey petticoat/faux-pantaloons and your granola velevet hippie skirt. Jesus.

Claire Danes looked cute as hell, though. I’m currently in love with Claire, like I’ve never been before, so that might have something to do with my love for this snazzy geometric, mod print.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

These are photos from last night’s Olivier Awards, in London. It’s all for British theatre stuff, but there were some notable celebrities around. Take one of my favorite girls, Elisabeth Moss, who is in London, sharing the stage with Keira Knightley in The Children’s Hour. Elisabeth showed up in this odd dress. In some photos, it looks like the color is a very pale ice-blue. In others, it just looks kind of white-ish and neutral. I don’t hate the dress on her, although I want to write a book for celebrity women called Bitch, Wear A Jewel Tone: How To Stand Out On A Red Carpet. Anyway, my real problem is with Elisabeth’s hair. I love this honey-blonde color… I hate the “bump-it” look.

Next up: Jonny Lee Miller with a shaved head!!! Now, I love JLM. Passionately. I find him adorable, and an underrated actor. But I think he should rethink the shaved head look. It’s less Bruce Willis and more Lex Luther.

Also there – the new (modern) Sherlock Holmes, Benedict Cumberbatch! I actually think he looks nice here. He’s totally bizarre in everything I’ve ever seen him in, though.

And Matthew Fox, also with an unfortunate hair situation. I do not care for his too-groomed salt-and-pepper beard. Too much.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

God knows, I love Pink. I really do! She’s cool and she’s tough but she doesn’t try too hard. I even love seeing her “bump” photos – for a while, she seemed to be carrying small, and she was an adorable pregnant lady. Unfortunately, THIS happened. This is Pink at last night’s premiere of The Lincoln Lawyer, a film I kind of want to see just because I enjoy cheesy legal thrillers. Pink wore this crazy, navel-grazing muumuu that makes her look like a HUGE blueberry. Now, I’m not opposed to pregnant ladies wearing muumuus, at all. I’m not opposed to any woman wearing muumuus, in general. But not on a red carpet!!! Honestly, though, I think maybe I would have accepted the muumuu if the hair had been better. This hair is ten different kinds of tragic. Grey mushroom cap? For real?

Also at the premiere, the star of the film, Matthew McConaughey, who looked all kinds of rough as well. Is it just the horrendous fake tan? It’s something else, right? Something weird is happening with his face. I think it may be a combination of orange-ness, receding hair line, hair too long in the back, skin damage, weight loss and just general grossness. Camila looks pretty though.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Everybody’s abuzz about this odd mini-dress that Lindsay Lohan wore to court today. Initially, I declared that it was leather, having read the same on Radar. TMZ is non-committal about the fabric, only identifying it as a Raquel Allegra dress (Linnocent paired the dress with Chanel stiletto booties, Dior shades and a “borrowed” Judith Ripka necklace). Hollywood Life just says the fabric is “questionable”. E! News declares that the dress is actually LATEX, not leather. I still don’t know for sure. Simply looking at the (lack of) sheen, I would say it’s a very thin, fine leather, but the way it fits on her body makes me think that’s latex or pleather.

But the real star of the outfit was Linnocent’s crack tittays, which seemed to be mashed in there, braless. I honestly don’t think Lindsay has worn a bra to any of her recent court appearances. Today her boobs looked muzzled and uncomfortable… and it’s just not a flattering look, over all, boob-wise. Latex is very unforgiving, honestly.

It is clear, however, that Lindsay was wearing underwear, or at the very least, control-top pantyhose. That’s a step in the right direction, I guess. However, this overall look still doesn’t meet my standards for court attire – the skirt is too short, the boobs are too visible, and the lips are too jacked.

Last thing – crackhead has lost some weight in a hurry, hasn’t she? She must be on some kind of cocaine diet.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

It’s a very rare occasion when I like an outfit worn by Katie Holmes, but it does happen sometimes. This is one of those days – yesterday, Katie was out and about in New York without Tom or Suri (although I think I see some handlers lurking), and she was wearing an outfit I approve of. I love this coat. This coat is the wrong color for my skin tone, but I love this coat on Katie, and I would wear it. I also love her J-Brand jeans. I love the combo of the jeans with the coat. I love her shoes. I love her Max Mara bag. Katie finally got one right, from head to toe! This just proves to me that Katie’s “street style” instincts are much better than her red carpet style instincts.

Anyway, I don’t really know why Katie is in New York, and I have no idea where Tom is these days. I think he might be in Canada, somewhere. Those two keep really different schedules, and it seems like Katie and Suri just go off and do their own thing in a different city all the time. Isn’t it funny that Katie always looks better and happier when Tom’s not around? Right?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Honestly, one of my favorite parts of looking through our photo agencies’ assorted pics is when a city’s fashion week comes around, and suddenly there are, like, hourly updated photos of various starlets and fashion girls tripping their way into runway shows. This week has been full of photos from Paris Fashion Week – yesterday, there were tons of photos from the Chanel show, but the fashionista “gets” for Lagerfeld were pretty slim. There was Lily Allen and Kanye and… Emma Roberts (Julia’s niece). And then some European girls that I didn’t know. It was pretty boring. BUT! Today’s Miu Miu show in Paris got much cooler girls! Who would have thought that Miu Miu would be the cooler fashion show for the younger girls?

So, above (and below) we have Mila Kunis being beautiful. I LOVE the coat and I like the little cocktail dress, although I wish I could see it better. It looks a tad too puffy.

Other girls at the Miu Miu show – little Hailee Steinfeld! She’s such a cool little girl. I wonder if this was her first fashion show?

And finally, Jennifer Lawrence. Her style is a bit wonky at this point, but she’s still learning and growing. She might grow into a serious fashionista. All I know is that she’s crazy photogenic.

Photos courtesy of WENN.