Kaiser and I were just complaining to each other about how it’s kind of a dull tabloid week. Nothing of great interest seems to be happening and there’s a predominance of stories about celebrity bikini bodies and ill-advised diets. The Enquirer is running with another Oprah cover, which must be good sellers for them despite how boring they seem to the rest of us. They claim that Oprah and Gayle got in a “public screaming match” in which the words “I hate you!” were uttered. It’s just about an argument they had over some issue at a business meeting. Gayle supposedly said “I hate you when you act like this,” which is different than just saying “I hate you” and storming out.

According to the Enquirer they’re having some issues where Gayle is finally asserting herself over input into Oprah’s new cable network and isn’t having it when Oprah is trying to pull rank and shut her down. They talked it out, though, and I’m sure they kissed and made up afterwards.

The real dirt in the Oprah article is an inset story which claims that Oprah absolutely can’t stand it that Judge Judy sometimes beats her in the ratings and is vowing to crush her. She’s made it a point to ensure that Judy is never mentioned on her show or in any of her publications as she sees her as a huge rival. Plus Oprah thinks Judy is trashy for covering such low brow material with the guests in her courtroom. That’s so ripe coming from a woman who interviews pedophiles and the Octomom.

Here’s part of the Enquirer’s story:

Oprah Winfrey has vowed to burn her top TV rival “Judge Judy” before quitting her talk show, and banned her feisty ratings foe from all things Oprah, insiders say.

“The ‘Judge Judy’ show has not only tied with Oprah’s show in the ratings, it’s actually beating ‘The Oprah Winfrey Show’ a few times, and Oprah is furious!” an insider divulged.

“Now Oprah has made it clear that she doesn’t want Judy mentioned in her magazine, on her TV show or on her cable shows – anywhere, any time, any way. Judy is banned from Oprahland!”

The two TV powerhouses have been at odds since Judge Judy Sheindlin, who’d been a Manhattan family court judge for 14 years, debuted as “Judge Judy” in 1996, the source said.

“Oprah used to say ‘Judge Judy’ was just trashy people yelling at each other about their sordid lives,” the insider said.

“Over the years, Oprah tried to ignore the show, hoping it would go away. Instead, Judy is threatening to nudge Oprah out of her spot at the top of the daytime ratings.”

Feeling threatened, Oprah has shaken up her staff, said the source.

“Oprah wants her show to end in a blaze of glory. She’s made it clear that heads will roll if the ratings don’t climb…

“She doesn’t want cheap gimmicks and she’s rejected ideas like big giveaways. Oprah wants solid ‘idea’ shows with big guest stars…

“Just is well aware of Oprah’s anger, and she’s actually laughing about it… Judy has been telling her friends ‘Oprah started the fight, and I’ll finish it.’”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, June 7, 2010]

I kind of ignore Judge Judy and I had no idea that her show had been on so long or that she makes a whopping $33 million a year. The thing that makes me believe that The Enquirer has a very solid insider source is their insistence that Oprah isn’t relying on “gimmicks” for ratings. That is absolutely not true, but sounds just like something one of her staff members would say. I’m sure she’s presenting it that way to her people, and maybe the almighty Oprah believes that her show isn’t trashy, but it really is. The Oprah show is full of tabloid material. I had to switch off a recent episode about child brides of some cult leader it was so disturbing. Plus she always hypes her celebrity guests and was recently asking the Pinkett-Smiths about their sex life, which is a favorite topic of Jada’s anyway. Oprah just can’t stand competition. I bet Oprah’s show will really take a beating when she moves it to her OWN network anyway. Oprah can’t OWN everything. Team Judy!

Oprah Winfrey is shown on 5/9/10. Judge Judy is shown on 3/18/10. Credit: WENN.com

Don’t Avril Lavigne and Lindsay Lohan have some kind of historic beef with each other? It seems like they would have, right? I’m not just imagining that. But from the way Page Six is reporting this Lohan-on-Avril feud, it seems new. Strange. Perhaps I was thinking of a girlfight over Wilmer Valderrama – that never actually happened? Anyway, Page Six claims that Avril and Lindsay got into some kind of screaming match at the center of the crackhead universe, the Chateau Marmont. At first, it seems like Avril started it by screaming at Lindsay when Linds approached Avril and Brody Jenner. But the backstory involves Lindsay ignoring Avril days before:

Lindsay Lohan is locked in a bitter feud with rival starlet Avril Lavigne after the pop star publicly branded Lohan a “loser.”

Lohan and Lavigne had a huge fight in front of fellow guests at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont. It ended with Lohan desperately trying to get her rival thrown out.

An eyewitness told Page Six: “Avril was at a table with friends just over a week ago including her boyfriend, Brody Jenner, when Lindsay came over to say hi. But as soon as she approached, Avril launched at her and said: ‘Get the hell out of my face, you are fake, you are a loser. I don’t like false people. Stay away from me and my friends.’ Lindsay was furious and screamed back: ‘Don’t threaten me!’ She then stormed off to security and tried to get them to kick Avril out. They refused to force Avril to leave. Lindsay eventually stormed off.”

Sources tell us that the feud kicked off when Lohan snubbed Lavigne at an event — but sidled up to her acting friendly once Lavigne was sitting with a group at the Chateau Marmont days later.

The source added: “It seemed like she was just being friendly to Avril because she was with people Lindsay wanted to impress. Avril is avoiding going to the Chateau Marmont when she knows Linsday will be there. She doesn’t want any more drama.”

Back in New York Sunday, Lohan was up to her old tricks, turning up hours late for a photo shoot with Markus Klinko and Indrani.

Lohan and her entire family — except estranged dad Michael — went for a Mother’s Day dinner at Meatpacking eaterie Abe & Arthur’s. “They came in around 9 p.m. and all looked very happy,” says a spy.

Lohan then headed onto the shoot, having kept the photographers and crew waiting until well after midnight. A rep for Lavigne and Lohan’s lawyer didn’t get back to us last night.

[From Page Six]

I think they’re both pretty gross people, but I’m Team Avril on this one. I can just imagine Lindsay stumbling up to Avril and Brody’s table, thinking she was going to be greeted warmly by the cool kids, only to be shut down. And Lindsay’s response? “Don’t threaten me!” WTF? Maybe Lindsay thought Avril was one of her hallucinations yelling at her.

By the way, I mentioned this yesterday - E*TRADE is trying to get Lohan’s “milkaholic” lawsuit thrown out. Well, now sources have gotten their hands on E*TRADE’s 100-page dismissal filing, and it’s kind of funny/scary. Basically, E*TRADE compiled a list of Lindsay’s crack shenanigans, pulling material from blogs and Lindsay’s own interviews and crack tweets. It’s like 100 pages of documentation that she’s a crackhead.

Do you know how much I love this? This is my favorite story of the week, and I’m even counting the Sandra Bullock stories. I just love when my Johnny Weir gets his claws out! Now, the summary of Johnny’s feud with Evan Lysacek comes from People Magazine, and they got several wonderful and bitchy quotes from Johnny himself. However, I don’t like how People decided to “begin” (chronologically) the war of attrition between Evan and Johnny. These two have been trading snotty asides, rolled eyes, bitchfaces and, in Johnny’s case, an outing with a jaunty wink - all for the better part of a year, if not longer. But the Best Diva War Ever gained more steam when Evan sat down for a recent interview and basically said Johnny wasn’t a good ice skater – oh, snap. Here you go, savor it:

When skating rivals Evan Lysacek and Johnny Weir were battling for a spot on the Olympic podium at the Vancouver Winter Games in February, Weir remarked that showdown would be a great “catfight.”

The dust-up intensified this week off the ice as Olympic gold medalist Lysacek, competing on Dancing with the Stars, and Weir, a three-time U.S. Champion, traded slurs and barbs.

“We are at war,” Weir told PEOPLE on Thursday. “My claws are out.”

The latest round of mudslinging began when Lysacek suggested earlier this week that a lack of talent kept Weir off the cast of the traveling Smucker’s Stars on Ice. “They only hire the best of the best to skate,” Lysacek told the Indianapolis Star. “A lot of us in the skating world were really disappointed in the way he reacted, basically whining that he wasn’t chosen.”

Harsh Words Exchanged
The flamboyant Weir claims the show didn’t hire him because he didn’t fit the tour’s “family-friendly” profile – a charge Stars on Ice denies. Weir also went on the attack against Lysacek, calling him a “slore” – an apparent combination of “slut” and “whore” – on the The Wendy Williams Show on Wednesday.

Then on Thursday in New York, where he announced their “war,” Weir added, “I’ve never whined. I wasn’t the one who falls dancing and gets a concussion and breaks toes and has hip replacement surgeries. If anyone whines, it’s definitely Evan. He’s done that his whole career, and I’ve never said anything about it just because there was no need.”

Weir, who is opening the season for Ice Theatre of New York at Chelsea Piers, added, “I have no respect for Evan Lysacek.” He is encouraging fans not to vote for his rival on Dancing with the Stars.

But there may a truce on the horizon. In a statement to PEOPLE, Lysacek says he wants to end the feud, even though Weir had said hurtful things. Extending an olive branch, he’s calling Weir “an accomplished and talented skater” and wishing him well at his New York show.

“I let my personal feelings cloud my judgment in how I answered a journalist’s question about Stars on Ice and Johnny that I should never have answered,” says Lysacek. “I should have known better.”

[From People Magazine]

You know what? This isn’t one of those occasions where I can see both sides. I really think Evan was being a massive bitch when he said, “They only hire the best of the best to skate… A lot of us in the skating world were really disappointed in the way he reacted, basically whining that he wasn’t chosen.” First point: Johnny is a very good skater. One of the best in the world. He’s not The Best, but he’s certainly good enough to be chosen for Stars on Ice, and he certainly would have improved ticket sales. Second point: Johnny actually didn’t “whine” in any way, shape or form about not being chosen. GLAAD made Weir’s exclusion public, and Johnny merely confirmed his exclusion with the statement: “It’s for real. All because I am not family friendly enough. I understand I am a little outrageous but I wish I could perform for the fans.” Simple.

As for how Johnny reacted, what with all of the “slore” talk and basically issuing a sparkly, bedazzled, tasseled fatwa against Evan, I do think that he’s just having fun. It’s not like he’s really trying to destroy Evan, he just wants everyone to enjoy a hilarious catfight.

UPDATE: Ooooh! Evan just spoke to Us Weekly, explaining why he got his claws out on Johnny: “Since the Olympics, I’ve dealt with Johnny’s questioning my integrity and sexuality, and I’ve never spoken out on my own behalf no matter how hurtful those things may have been. I should have known better. Best wishes and congratulations to Johnny as he opens the new season of Ice Theatre of New York,” Lycasek adds. “I wish him well in all of his future endeavors.” You know what? I think these two dudes must have slept together at some point. They way they’re fighting… it’s the way ex-lovers fight. I bet Evan is a kinky bitch.

Grace Jones in 2003

Lady Gaga in 2009

Finally, someone famous says what I have been thinking for over a year. Bizarre but badass performance artist Grace Jones recently said she intentionally turned down Lady Gaga’s offer to work together, because she found Gaga’s style a little too referential to her own. She called out Gaga on stealing other artists’ styles, including her own, saying she had no desire to work with her.

Pop icon Grace Jones has sparked a row with Lady Gaga after accusing the Poker Face singer of copying her legendary style.

Jones claims to have snubbed the chance to collaborate with the chart-topping star because she lacks originality.

The 61-year-old ex-supermodel told The UK’s Guardian newspaper: “I’d just prefer to work with someone who is more original and someone who is not copying me, actually.

“I’ve seen some things she’s worn that I’ve worn, and that does kind of p*** me off… I wouldn’t go to see her.”

Jones added: “I really don’t think of her at all. I go about my business. I just don’t play with other acts as a rule.”

Despite the snub, Lady Gaga admits to being inspired by Jones — and has even described the former Bond girl as “Jesus.”

[From Page Six]

I’ve always thought that Lady Gaga’s so-called “original style” is basically ripping off the clothes, music and image of other artists since day one. While I don’t think her music is the worst out there – that honor goes to the shit-tastic Kesha – I never really got what the big deal is about her. To me, she looks like a knockoff of artists from the 70s like Grace Jones, David Bowie, Freddie Mercury and Missing Persons’ frontwoman, Dale Bozzio. It’s one thing to be influenced by other artists- but to copy them so blatantly? I don’t blame Grace one bit for being pissed off. Not that Grace has ever had a problem speaking her mind.

Of course, Gaga’s lap dog, Perez Hilton, had to get in the middle of it and diss Grace Jones. He said, “We think there’s nothing sadder than an washed-up diva who has to stay relevant by criticizing someone infinitely more successful than they ever were!” Bitch, please. I’d like to see Gaga sell out out the Hollywood Bowl and perform at Coachella at 61 years old! Neither Perez nor Gaga are fit to carry Ms. Jones’ platforms. I’m Team Grace on this one.

Grace Jones performing in 2003

Lady Gaga performing in 2009

Grace Jones in 2008

Lady Gaga in 2010

Oh, Lord. Does everyone know who Aimee Mann is? She’s the singer/songwriter most famous for her work on Paul Thomas Anderson’s Magnolia, including a large chunk of that soundtrack. She’s been a singer for decades, and she’s got a lovely, bluesy voice, like Lucinda Williams before the Jack Daniels and the smokes (I was always think of Lucinda Williams probably because Lucinda and Aimee look similar, I think). Anyway, Aimee has a Twitter account, and apparently she was watching one of the endless Law & Order: SVU marathons that seem to be held every other day on USA. Aimee tweeted:

[From Aimee Mann’s Twitter]

Ruh-roh. So someone told Ice-T about it, and that sh-t escalated real fast:

[From Ice-T’s Twitter]

Considering I regularly tell people to “eat a BAG of dicks” the concept of eating “a hot bowl of dicks” isn’t foreign to me. Although I like Ice’s personal touch to the insults. By the way, the FLTG is the “Final Level Twitter Gang”. Basically, it’s Ice-T and his minions, who will f-ck with a bitch over Twitter. So… Aimee was then informed of the Twitter War she was now engaged in (and started, for God’s sake), and she quickly backtracked:

[From Aimee Mann’s Twitter]

After which Ice-T’s graciously accepted Aimee’s apology, tweeting: “OK. Homegirl apologized……. Say no more. FLTG Cease fire! “Once again there’s Peace in Twitterland.” Ice T… I’ll say it again… The Final Level Twitter Gang is a peaceful organization. We never attack….. BUT WE WILL RETALIATE. Ice T”.

You know what really bothers me about this, and makes me rather unapologetically Team Ice? Ice-T is really good on SVU! I’ve been thinking for a while now that the producers need to give him more screen time and Det. Finn the lead on more investigations, and not just the drug-related cases (Finn is an ex-Narcotics detective). Aimee’s criticism didn’t just come out of left field, it was untrue! TEAM ICE.

A few weeks ago, Demi Moore started an asinine fight with Kim Kardashian on Twitter. The whole thing allegedly started when Kim posted a photo of herself and two friends with the caption “Big Pimpin’ w @SerenajWilliams @LaLaVazquez @Kelly_Rowland Love u girls!” This sent Demi into a tizzy, bitching and moaning about Kim’s use of the word “pimpin’”. If Demi’s sanctimonious bullsh-t wasn’t enough, Kim reacted with enough grace to make her the winner of the little Twitter war, and Kim ended up writing “Good point! I agree! It was just a song not literal.” Ugh.

Now the National Enquirer is reporting that there could be some additional backstory between this ridiculous Twitter Pimpin’ non-controversy. The Enquirer claims that Demi is totally jealous of Kim, because Kim and Ashton are friendly and flirt with each other and Ashton even talks about how much he likes Kim and Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Note to Ashton: Please don’t admit you watch the Kardashian show. Everyone watches it, but no one admits it. For good reason – it’s trashy as hell. Here’s more:

Demi Moore is seething with jealously over hubby Ashton Kutcher’s “crush” on cute, curvy and newly single Kim Kardashian!

That’s the real story behind the cyber war that’s been raging between the two femme fatales, the Enquirer has learned.

Ashton, 32, and Kim, 29, struck up a friendship last year after she approached him to produce TV projects together – and Ashton’s been gushing about how “beautiful and intelligent” Kim is ever since, said a source.

“Ashton is a huge fan of ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians.’ But Demi says she can’t even bear to watch…”

Despite being married for more than four years, Demi, 47 still grapples with insecurities over her and Ashton’s 15 year age difference, the source added.

“And Kim flirts like crazy with Ashton, which drives Demi nuts…”

“Demi saw an opportunity to publicly embarrass Kim, so she took it. It was her way of saying ‘back off,’” said the source…

Unfortunately, Demi’s plan to put Kim in her place backfired.

“Ashton ended up chastising Demi for starting the fight,” added the source.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, April 19, 2010]

I actually believe this story because it makes a lot of sense. Demi’s Twitter attack on Kim kind of came out of nowhere, and I could see how Demi had been pissy about all things Kardashian for weeks or months until she found an opening to pick a fight with Kim. Now, do I believe that Ashton likes Kim or that they flirt? Probably not, in real life. But whatever minor relationship Kim and Ashton did have or do have was enough to piss off Demi.

I just now saw these photos of Kim from this week… uh, did she have some “work” done recently? She looks like a cat.

Jesse James’ first known mistress, white supremacist stripper/tattoo model Michelle McGee, has been taking to Facebook and Twitter to lash out at her “haters” and prove that she’s the bitter, nasty person we assumed. McGee’s latest target is E! talkshow host Chelsea Handler, who made a relatively harmless joke about the stupid “Pray for Us Sinners” tattoo that McGee has in giant script font across her forehead. Chelsea said “I guess she doesn’t read magazines. Which makes sense, since she basically has one on her face.” In response, McGee made fun of Handler’s “chicken wing arms,” and then Handler took the gloves off.

The war of words began after Handler posted a joke about McGee on her blog, saying, “I guess she doesn’t read magazines which makes sense, since she basically has one on her face.” In Handler-land, that’s about as tame as a joke is going to get, and given the amount of ink spilled dissing McGee since the Jesse James infidelity scandal broke, she should have just left it go.

But she didn’t, of course. Bad move.

McGee responded on her Facebook page, saying, “Chelsea, here’s some free advice: Use some of that Botox from your forehead and put it in your flabby underarm skin. I’ve seen better wings in a bucket of KFC chicken.”…

Handler took to her show last night and dealt McGee a proper smackdown. After cracking a few jokes about dipping her arms in blue cheese, the host got a little hostile: “First of all, look at my forehead, you dumb b***h, okay? It moves. You have a tattoo on your forehead, so you have had a needle in your forehead — and probably Jesse James’ b***s. So shut your face.” Pow!

McGee jumped on Facebook again to post the following response: “In all seriousness, I’m a big fan of ‘Chelsea Lately’… I was laughing my ass off… feel so honored to have a transexual poke fun of me…”

[From Popeater]

I think that Popeater has the timeline wrong on Michelle’s response. She wrote the crap about Chelsea being a transsexual just a few minutes after that crack about her chicken wing arms. McGee has of course responded to Chelsea’s latest response. She wrote on her Facebook page “Dear Chelsea, glad to see my grandma’s old clothes put to good use in your wardrobe. Her mu-mu’s look AMAZING on you. P.S. You need to hire another midget to hold up those saggy boobies of yours…all that breast feeding from Chuy has really taken its toll.” As if this woman should be criticizing anyone’s wardrobe. She’ll be stuck with the same ugly outfit for the rest of her life.

Chelsea should take the high road and not respond again. McGee is just another stripper and hooker in a long line of skanks that James was banging. She’s not even a notable piece of trash.

I have to give celeb wastoid Lindsay Lohan credit for managing to parlay a stupid Twitter war and her inability to take a joke into a possible TV appearance. After TV host George Lopez made fun of Lindsay for appearing in public with baby power puffing out of her shoes, the former actress dissed him via Twitter. Lopez, never one to back down, Twittered right back to Lohan, explaining that it was just a joke and invited her to come onto his late night talk show. Since it is probably the first decent TV offer she’s had since “Ugly Betty,” Lohan would have been a fool to turn it down. Lopez is now saying that the queen of crack Tweets will be appearing on his show next week.

Mark your calendars! After an epic Twitter battle less than 48 hours ago, George Lopez confirmed last night that Lindsay Lohan will appear on his show next Tuesday.

Lopez told his audience, “Lindsay’s a great sport… She’ll be on the show next week. It’s all good!” and he added on Twitter, “Here’s the latest @lindsaylohan is scheduled to appear on Lopez Tonight next tuesday .. Chill !”

After Lopez made a crack about the white powder that erupted from Lohan’s shoes over the weekend, she angrily tweeted back at him, demanding that he get his story straight. Lopez responded by saying, “Come on the show … I’ve met you before and don’t have anything against you. you want me to stop talking about you I will … Come and tell me … To my face … I’ll stop !! Respectfully.”

Think Lindsay will be chill though?

[From X17]

I think “epic Twitter battle” is pushing it, don’t you? However, this could be a chance for Lindsay to show that she is “working and healthy” as she has been claiming, and not near death’s door as was recently reported. What do you think? Will people watch? Will Lindsay show up all wasted and belligerent? What will she plug? Does anyone even care? And how bad does George Lopez need the ratings? All these answers could be revealed next Tuesday!

Okay, I have absolutely no idea what the f-ck Lindsay Lohan is rage-tweeting about now. Apparently, after these photos came out yesterday of Lindsay’s feet covered in a white mystery powder, George Lopez made a joke about it on his show last night. What I can’t find is what Lopez actually said about Lindsay, her feet or the mystery powder. So I have literally no idea what Lopez actually said, I only know that whatever it was sent Lindsay into a rage spiral on Twitter. She sniped at Lopez: “thanks for the childish comment regarding baby powder in my shoes to loosen up the leather* don’t you have kids? U wouldn’t wanna hear that about them, or would you? Act like a grown man, have some respect and dignity for yourself.” Um… touché, Madame Crackface Dignity? Here’s a screencap of Lindsay’s Twitter with the messages – with a new photo I haven’t seen before, of Lindsay with DJ AM. Ugh. This bitch:

Lindsay Lohan has chosen an interesting way of addressing the cloud of suspicion she’s been under since being snapped with white powder pumping out of her high-heels: Attack. George. Lopez.

The ‘Mean Girls’ star took to her Twitter (what else?) to take on the comedian over a supposed joke he made on the Monday episode of his late-night talk show, ‘George Lopez Tonight.’ According to reports, Lopez joked Lohan uses baby powder to loosen up her snug shoes.

This seemingly harmless riff set off Lohan, who wrote: “Thanks for the childish comment regarding baby powder in my shoes to loosen up the leather … don’t you have kids?”

She then added, “Act like a grown man, have some respect and dignity for yourself.”

Lopez did not make the jab during his monologue, nor in any clips made available by TBS for Monday.

Lohan was leaving a friends house in Los Angeles on Saturday when a generous amount of white powder started shooting out of her shoes. In some angles, it appeared there was smoke puffing out of her feet.

Last week, she took a tumble onto a cactus while wearing similar high-heeled shoes. She has blamed pushy photographers and not intoxication for the fall. She later joked that she should “start wearing more flats.”

[From PopEater]

So, basically, now we know that the white powder was actually baby powder. I knew it wasn’t cocaine. Lindsay wouldn’t have let all of that coke blow away. So now that’s settled, I want to have a word with Lindsay: shut up. Don’t pick a fight with a man like George Lopez. He’s worked a lot harder, made more powerful friends, and earned the respect of more people than you’ve gotten high with. He’s a comedian who struggled for years to get where he is, and he’s not going to take any kind of hit, publicity or otherwise, from any kind of fight with you. All that will be achieved is that you’ll look even more out of control, deranged, entitled, humorless, cracked out and nasty.

P.S. If anyone knows what George actually said about Lindsay, please put it in the comments!

When I first read this story, I thought it was about Hugh Grant attacking someone with cake, and I thought to myself, “How fey, how English, how Hugh!” But it turns out, Hugh was the one who attacked by a rogue slice of chocolate cake. Not so rogue, as it was Hugh’s former PR man Matthew Freud who did the cake throwing/smearing. Hugh and Matthew have apparently been fighting for years, and when Hugh called Matthew some name (my guess: wanker, tosser, or c-cksucker), Freud attacked Hugh with a slice of cake. Then nothing happened for a few minutes, and then Hugh hauled off and punched Matthew. Wow! I didn’t know Hugh was so ballsy. But I should expected it after the baked bean incident, and that time he kicked a paparazzo in the nads:

When two grown men want to settle their differences, it sometimes comes to blows. Matthew Freud apparently prefers a big slice of chocolate of cake. Which is how Hugh Grant ended up with chocolate and crumbs smeared all over his impeccable white shirt at a society party.

The disagreement didn’t stop there. Grant, 49, is alleged to have responded by punching Freud’s cheek, leaving the PR guru wearing sunglasses the next day. But Freud, in turn, got his own revenge, somehow tracking down a picture of Grant’s stained shirt and emailing it to friends. Grant ended up changing out of his shirt and was given another one to wear by nightclub staff.

The extraordinary spat happened at socialite Heather Kerzner’s 41st birthday party at Annabel’s nightclub in London on Wednesday night. The wife of casino billionaire Sol Kerzner was holding a joint celebration with Topshop owner Sir Philip Green, Sir Michael Caine, shoe designer Patrick Cox and Tracey Emin’s boyfriend Scott Douglas.

According to a fellow guest, the flareup took place after a female guest asked Grant if he would like to meet Freud. In fact, the two men have known each other for more than 20 years. Freud, 46, represented Grant way back in the days when he found stardom in Four Weddings and a Funeral and during the scandal over his visit to a prostitute in the U.S. in 1995. But they appear to have fallen out in the intervening years.

Grant apparently replied that he had no desire to speak to Freud and allegedly used an expletive to describe him. Freud, who was standing nearby and heard the alleged insult, then smeared chocolate cake down Grant’s shirt.

‘I saw a lot of white shirt and before I could stop myself it was all brown,’ he told friends afterwards.

There was a brief lull before Grant allegedly threw a punch.

In the subsequent melee, a glass of wine was also thrown – which ended up over London nightclub owner Johnny Gold. As guests watched the pair in astonishment, Freud, who had attended the party with wife Elisabeth Murdoch, decided to make a dignified exit.

Grant, though, was not quite ready to call it a night. He changed into a clean shirt supplied by the nightclub and chatted to guests, including his former girlfriend Elizabeth Hurley. He told Mrs Kerzner he hoped his disagreement had not ruined her evening. One guest said: ‘He was a total gentleman, a 21st century David Niven.’ Ever the PR man though, Freud was not to be outdone. In the aftermath, he secured a photograph of Grant’s stained shirt and then emailed it to friends.

Referring to Miss Hurley’s famous appearance in a Versace ‘safety pin’ dress at the Four Weddings premiere, he added the message: ‘That dress becomes that shirt.’

Freud told friends: ‘I’m a pacifist, I only throw cakes, he’s a scrapper. There were no heroes last night.’

According to a friend of the PR man, the pair fell out some years ago over a male friend of Freud’s.

‘Matthew knew Grant when all his friends called him “Hughie”, no one calls Hugh that these days,’ the friend said.

Freud represented Grant up until his relationship with heiress Jemima Khan ended. ‘Then came the bust-up over the friend and that was the end of their relationship.’

[From The Daily Mail]

I would like to think that the two men were fighting over the lovely lass known as Jemima Khan, but I doubt it. Hugh and Jemima dated off and on for years, but I have no idea about any connection she would have to Freud. Most likely the fight was just about boy sh-t. Which basically means that instead of rubbing cake all over their glistening, writhing bodies, they should have just whipped out their junk and compared sizes like real men.

Hugh Grant in Abu Dhabi on March 10, 2010. Credit: WENN.