In early June Celebitchy wrote an article pointing out the obvious bias against southerners that could be found in some of the coverage of Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy. Now that she’s given birth to Maddie, the press hasn’t exactly laid off her. Page Six reports that Jamie Lynn is turning into Britney.

When I saw the headline, I was assuming they had a story about how she’s a negligent mom or making dumb mistakes or something. Nope. She’s turning into Britney because of her penchant for Diet Coke and the fact that she probably won’t marry her baby’s father. And we all know what a slippery slope that is. Diet Coke clearly leads to driving with your baby on your lap.

Jamie Lynn Spears, who just gave birth to daughter Maddie Briann Aldridge at the ripe old age of 17, is in danger of heading down the same road as her sister, Britney. A Louisiana source tells us, “She only has Diet Coke in the house. How redneck is that?” As for her engagement to Casey Aldridge, the spy adds, “I doubt that’ll ever happen. Her mama [Lynne] doesn’t like him and thinks she can do better. They don’t want him anywhere near [Jamie Lynn’s] cash.” Britney, whom Jamie Lynn refers to as “my crazy sister,” has a well-known affinity for soda and Cheetos and had her first marriage, to Jason Alexander, annulled at her mother’s insistence. A rep for Jamie Lynn didn’t return calls.

[From Page Six]

I only have diet orange soda in my house. I’m pretty sure that makes me a “redneck” by that definition. It’s the joy of soda, but with the class of Cheetos coloring. I will grant that a new mother should probably have some milk. But it’s not like she’s only got some Boone’s in her fridge.

I really think the press should lay off Jamie Lynn if she makes some mistakes. Pretty much all new parents do, they just don’t have Page Six examining their every move. But Jamie Lynn is only 17. I’m sure that she’s just as overwhelmed and scared as most new parents are – perhaps more so. Some mistakes are inevitable, but it’s unfair for people to be watching everything she does to see when she’s about to fail like Britney did. I’m guessing she’s probably learned from her older sister’s mistakes, and will likely be able to keep it together.

About a year ago a joke book came out called The Nicole Richie Cookbook. It was sixty some pages long, and each page was blank. Haha, Nicole doesn’t eat. Mildly funny at best. Now what’s a much funnier idea is Nicole Richie actually writing a cookbook herself. Which is just what she wants to do, if you believe her friends that chat with OK! Magazine. Apparently Nicole is just knee-deep in domestic bliss, and wants to share her happiness – or at least her recipes – with the rest of us.

Move over Rachael Ray, there’s another cute cook in the kitchen! The Simple Life star Nicole Richie took up cooking in order to become the perfect partner and mom. Now, she’s gotten so good at it she wants to publish her own cookbook!

“She keeps a box full of recipes handwritten on index cards,” a pal of Nicole,26, tells OK!. “She has mac and cheese down to a fine science!”

But when it comes to whipping up meals for fiance Joel Madden,29, Nicole, who is mom to their 5-month old daughter Harlow, looks to the lighter side.

Says the source, “She keeps things low-fat to help her and Joel watch their weight!”

[From OK! Magazine]

Well yeah, because they’re such fatties. Watching their weight should be a big priority for the both of them. Actually Joel seems to have gone through a pudgy phase or two – as has Nicole, now that I think about it. But they’ve both been looking pretty trim for the past couple years. In fact Nicole’s got it down to a science.

Although celeb ass-kissy OK! claims that the two are super domestic and blissfully happy, People quotes Joel as saying they have no plans to get married. They’ve often been referred to as each other’s fiance (see the OK! article above), but in terms of taking a walk down the aisle, it sounds like Joel would rather saunter the other way.

“We don’t have any plans for that right now,” Madden told PEOPLE on Wednesday. “We’re just happy, and we’re being a family, and that’s where we’re at right now. But marriage means something different to everyone.”

“Right now we’re really happy,” the Good Charlotte frontman says, “and we’re concentrating on our family, and that’s what is making us happy right now. We’re moving at our own pace.”

[From People]

It’s funny because you can tell Joel is just barely holding back from screaming “Don’t rush me!” to the reporter. I think there may have been a “F*#% you” muttered under his breath. Joel clearly had a little line all rehearsed and ready to go, since he basically said the same thing twice. We get it, you’re supposedly happy and don’t want to be tied to Nicole Richie or her low fat for the rest of your life. I’m not sure many people could blame you.

Here’s Nicole at the Cartier Charity Love Bracelet Launch in Los Angeles on June 18th. Images thanks to WENN. Header of 23 Nicole and Joel going for a walk in Hollywood on May 18th. Images thanks to Splash.

Taco Bell has really pissed off 50 Cent. And insulted him. All due to their dumbass publicity stunt. Taco Bell offered to donate $10,000 to the charity of Fiddy’s choice if he’d change his name to 79 Cent, 89 Cent, or 99 Cent – to correspond with the prices on their value menu. Fiddy – being the shrewd dude that he is – instantly called Taco Bell out for being insincere and trying to use his celebrity for free publicity. And the dude is pissed.

Apparently, that was a little too much thinking outside the bun for the lawyered-up rapper, who not only took issue with the promo stunt, but threatened to sic his legal team on the chain. “When my legal team is finished with them, Taco Bell is going to have a new corporate slogan: ‘We messed with the bull and got the horns!’ ” Fiddy said.

The rapper’s rep went one further, calling out the company’s big cheese on his cheekiness. “This is a sleazy and ill-conceived publicity stunt by Taco Bell’s president, Greg Creed, whose disingenuous offer was leaked to the press before it was even presented to 50 Cent’s agent yesterday,” the rapper’s rep said.

As it is, the taco giant’s offer was sent to Fiddy—and, of course, the media—promising to donate $10,000 to a charity of the rapper’s choice if he agreed to the name change. Also requested from the franchise chief was for the newly monikered rapper to pay a visit to one of Taco Bell’s locations and rap his order at the drive-thru.

“We know that you adopted the name 50 Cent years ago as a metaphor for change,” the letter read. “We at Taco Bell are also huge advocates for change. We encourage you to ‘Think Outside the Bun’ and hope you accept our offer.”

[From E! News]

Companies do occasionally do this, but most celebs politely decline. 50 is the first I can think of to call them out. At first I kinda thought Fiddy was being a jerk for not just saying thanks but no thanks, but once I thought about it a little more, I realized it really is aggravating.

Taco Bell isn’t being generous – they know the famous rapper isn’t going to change his name – so they never intended to part with their $10,000. Instead, they’re being cheap, by trying to associate 50 Cent with their corporation to get free publicity. Which I guess I’ve just given them a little more of. Except that the Taco Bell near me is always getting closed down by the New York City Department of Health for a shockingly long list of health code violations. Like rodents and roaches. Which I’m pretty sure end up in the food. There, that should do it. I think I just negated any free publicity. Thanks, Taco Bell.

Header of 50 Cent at the Video Music Awards in Las Vegas on September 8th. Images thanks to WENN.

Woody Harrelson is one of those guys that does crazy things just to do them. And that’s generally okay, it’s his life. He’s made the free-spirited, anything-goes lifestyle work for him – but now Harrelson says he’s planning on taking the quirkiness up a notch. Apparently he wasn’t satisfied doing unusual things like skinny dipping with Owen Wilson, making an interviewer wait 40 minutes while he searched for an organic toothbrush, or using a machete to chop up a coconut for making drinks at a Superbowl party. In fact Woody is planning on shunning coconuts – and all food – for 40 days while banishing himself to a remote island.

Woody Harrelson plans to live on a remote island and eat nothing for 40 days - to see how the experience affects his brain.

The actor, 46, will go ahead with the experiment as soon as he gets a break in his work schedule.

‘I’ve always wanted to do it,’ he says.

‘I know it’s going to be really hard. But can you imagine it? Eating nothing for 40 days? Swimming and surfing every day in a remote place? Where does the mind go?’

[From NOW]

Where does the mind go? Look I’m all for free-wheeling, alternative lifestyles. But there are a few people that really shouldn’t push their minds to go too far. Who shouldn’t take for granted that they’ll always have their minds and their sanity. I think it’s safe to say that there’s a good chance Woody Harrelson is one of those people. I would just tread lightly, in terms of pushing the mental stability to the farthest limits Woody. That said, no one can work the crazy like Woody Harrelson. I just think he should maybe bring a little bit of beef jerky and some mood stabilizers, just in case.

Woody Harrelson is shown at the Partouche Charity Poker Tournament in Cannes on 5/17/08, thanks to WENN.

Heidi Klum’s birthday present to Victoria Beckham was either meant for her three boys and husband, or was a not-so-subtle encouragement for Posh to gain some much-needed weight. Since it’s Klum we’re talking about, I would bet that she meant it as more of a family gift. After she handled the minor controversy with Iman so well, I don’t consider her capable of sending cupcakes to Posh to try and tempt the stick-thin paparazzi target into eating something.

Klum had a dozen cupcakes from celebrity favorite elite bakery Sprinkles sent to Posh for her 34th birthday with a note that said “Happy Birthday - expect a dozen every Friday! Love, Heidi.”

In Touch reported this news in their latest issue, and said that it will probably cost around $2,000 for the weekly cupcake delivery service.

The Sprinkles website is well designed and makes me want to stuff one of those overpriced delectables into my mouth. A gift box of just a dozen costs a whopping $46, so if Heidi sent a year’s worth it’s around $2,400 not including delivery costs.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are also cupcake aficionados, and Tom told Oprah that Katie won his kids over by bringing cupcakes the first time he met her. Cupcakes were on the table in the kitchen when Oprah came over, with Tom calling their home “the sugar house.”

It’s not like “Kate” eats even one of those a day, and they’re more for the kids. In Touch reminds us that Victoria Beckham said “no” when Barbara Walters asked her if she would ever eat a cookie, as if we needed to hear from her that she doesn’t eat bakery items.

Cupcakes must be the new Hollywood decoration. They’re so colorful, fluffy and completely off limits. Kind of like those glass candies that grandmothers keep in a bowl. Although in this case the pain of eating them is purely psychological.

Victoria Beckham is shown with her two younger sons Romeo and Cruz Beckham going out for ice cream at The Grove with her mother in law Sandra Beckham, on 4/22/08, thanks to WENN.

I have to admit, I get really sick of all the svelte actresses that say they eat whatever they want. Oh, and don’t exercise. And don’t have an eating disorder. Look, I’m envious of your genes, but no matter how great they are, they’ll only get you so far. I really doubt there are many women in their early forties that can eat a few different meats for dinner and still be a size two. I realize the reason celebrities probably say this is so they don’t get criticized for unhealthy choices. And to be realistic, it’s not fair to expect them to be rail thin and eat normally. It’s sort of an either or situation. While Sarah Jessica Parker has always struck me as a reasonably down-to-earth woman (Sex and the City costar drama aside), she’s jumped on the “I eat it all” bandwagon and even ticks off her last few meals to People magazine.

“I eat everything,” the actress, 43, told PEOPLE Monday night at a special screening of her new film, Smart People, co-hosted by Allure magazine’s Linda Wells and The Cinema Society. “I’m just an eater. If it’s free, I honestly eat everything.”

As if to prove a point, the Sex and the City star rattled off a list of all the food she’d consumed in the past 48 hours: “Last night I had steak and some lamb shank. And I had some roasted chicken and some cassoulet and some profiteroles and some ice cream and some cheesecake.”

And that’s not all. On Monday, “I had two different tarts from Once Upon a Tart [in SoHo] and toast and a banana and a cup of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese,” she said. Oh, yeah: “And a glass of fresh orange juice.”

[From People]

Actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus seems to have a more honest response when asked about what she eats to keep up a good figure. She says she’s relied on egg whites on the days of big events. It’s certainly not the smartest way to eat, but at least she’s honest about it.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus says actresses who claim to eat whatever they want are full of it. The “Seinfeld” star tells Harper’s Bazaar that she only ate scrambled egg whites on the day of the last Emmy awards because she wanted to look thin. “I don’t know why people thought that was so funny. I guess some people like to pretend they can eat like [bleep] and look great in their dress,” she said. Louis-Dreyfus also tried having small meals delivered to her home, but that only lasted a day. “I tried one of those things . . . I felt like it was a prison sentence, eating that crap.”

[From the New York Post]

I guess there’s a slight chance that Hollywood is overrun with women with some lucky freak gene that lets them consume all the donuts they want while not gaining an ounce. Most celebs already seem to be genetically blessed in other areas, maybe this is just one more way in which they’re superior to the rest of us. Or maybe it’s all a load of crap and Sarah Jessica Parker lives off egg whites and lettuce like I really suspect.

Header image of Sarah Jessica at the 2008 ShoWest Banquet and Awards Ceremony on March 13th. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is shown at the Costume Institute Gala at The Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 7th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Pete Doherty just runs from one addiction to the next. First it was cigarettes and internet porn. Then a little pot. On to some mushrooms, and the next thing you know it’s cocaine and crystal meth. Supposedly he once injected molasses and maple syrup into his veins. Didn’t do much, but it raised his blood sugar for weeks. At last check, Pete Doherty had his demons licked, and was so confident in his 283,485,384,484 attempt at recovery that he took to mentoring Amy Winehouse on the road to sobriety. I know, I laughed until I pooped too. Well it appears Pete doesn’t have all his addictions in check after all. Though he MIGHT be taking up running. Running to which dealer wasn’t mentioned in the article, so I’ll leave you to speculate.

Rock star Pete Doherty has been spotted running in Marlborough, with his former landlord Ralph Bernard. Mr. Bernard is a marathon runner and knocked on Doherty’s door and asked him to go for a run. While Doherty is reportedly out of shape, he’s found running is a good way to shed weight that he gained in rehab.

Doherty has also reportedly started doing press-ups and begun meditating to help improve his health. It has also been suggested that he may be training to run the London marathon. When questioned, a spokesperson for Doherty said, “There is some truth to this - you never know what could happen.”

However, the running may just be a way to counter his other new addiction, mince pies. He reportedly said: “It is going to be mince pies for me this Christmas. I have got a massive order on the way.”

[From This is Wiltshire]

They say you have to be really careful when you beat an addiction not to replace it with something else – especially something worse. Since I’ve been on a diet, I have never in my life wanted a cigarette so badly. I never used to mind the smell, but now I can’t be around them for fear I’ll grab one out of someone’s hand and pop it in my mouth. Yums. Apparently Pete’s struggling with the opposite problem. He’s (theoretically) working on beating the drugs, but wants to pop a pie instead. It really is a losing battle. Why don’t you ever hear about someone who just can’t stop eating carrots? Why in the world couldn’t we have problems with spinach addiction? This is one of the reasons I’m not 100% sold on the concept of evolution.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Pete at the Thames Magistrates Court in London on November 10, 2007. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Madonna sounds like a really fun parent. I mean she rebelled like crazy, to the point that she built her reputation and her fame on it. So she’s gotta remember what it’s like to be young and have unnecessarily strict parents. Remember “Papa Don’t Preach?” Yeah that’s right; Madonna knows that if you’re too strict a parent, your rebellious daughter will end up pregnant and keeping her baby. So she’s must be cool, right? Nope, while Madonna may have made a name for herself by being a rebel, she’s managed to do it with a Guinness -sized stick up her ass the whole time. Which means that – not surprisingly – she’s a total nutcase when it comes to rules and discipline with her kids. The list of “no’s” is pretty long – television, red meat, fun, laughter, merriment… in fact I think even childhood is on the list. A while ago we wrote an article about how husband Guy Ritchie said each of their kids only gets three Christmas presents. It turns out the reasoning has nothing to do with Madonna and Guy’s involvement in Kabbalah – a form of Jewish mysticism. Apparently the problem is that Christmas is too commercial. Says the material girl. [Yes I stole that joke from Fark. It was too good not to use].

Here’s a rundown of the Ritchie’s slightly draconian Christmas festivities.

There won’t be carols, brandy butter or television. There’ll be hardly any presents, and most traditional, seemingly innocent festive fare has been banned. Indeed, a rather restricted version of Yuletide spirit will be in evidence in the $11 million London townhouse where Madonna, her director husband Guy Ritchie and their children Lourdes, 11, Rocco, 7, and David Banda, 2, will spend Christmas Day.

“The deal is that the family hasn’t converted to Judaism, but they do celebrate Jewish festivals,” a friend says. It’s all bracingly pick ‘n’ mix for the Ritchies. Somewhat breathtakingly, the main reason for not exchanging gifts is that Madonna is very much against the commercialism of Christmas. This seems rather a cheek, given the way she has unblushingly flogged her image and her sexuality in the most commercial way possible for three decades.

The day’s highlight will be a low-fat, macrobiotic feast prepared by their chef. (Neither Ritchie nor Madonna cook.) It is highly unlikely to feature turkey, as Madonna has issues with the rearing and slaughtering of poultry. Instead, the “feast” will be based on grains - such as quinoa - and vegetables. Friends of the family say there will be a small amount of unsalted meat for the children and for Ritchie, but salty, fatty treats such as stuffing are completely out.

[From News.com.au]

Lest you think Madonna is just a Christmas Grinch, don’t be worried – she’s a crazy disciplinarian regarding her kids all year long. Fearful that they won’t be mercilessly tormented by their peers, Madonna has piled on the rules. I’m pretty sure when poor Lourdes leaves home, she’s going to gain the freshman 50, all on nothing but cream.

Indeed, the festive season is seen by Madonna as no excuse to stint on her punishing health regimen. She has even hired a nutritionist to advise on her children’s food. As a result, except for the very occasional ice cream as a treat, they have controlled amounts of dairy food, no cheese, no cream, no salt, no preservatives and no sugar.

“They entertain beautifully, but it isn’t what you would call conventional,” a friend says. “A housekeeper will set out a great big table covered in stuff, all macrobiotic, which no one dares eat unless Madonna tucks in. They’re all terrified of her.”

[From News.com.au]

I have to admit, I’m kind of afraid of Madonna too. My God, if she found out the things I said about her, she might stuff me full of quinoa. Seriously, having a healthy diet is great, but when you’re too restrictive with food – hell with anything – it makes kids want it more. You have to give in enough so that yummy food doesn’t attain this reverential status. Seriously, my mom was that way, and I gained like 40 pounds when I left home. It was donut city. I’m pretty sure poor Rocco is going to do nothing but eat Mounds bars the first time he has a week of freedom from his control-freak mom. Listen Madonna, I know that giant stick helped you attain commercial success, but applying the same principles of uptight rigidity might not be the most successful way to raise a happy family.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Madonna out and about in Manhattan on December 9th. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Could Britney Spears’ crazy behavior all be explained by too many visits to Starbucks and Taco Bell? According to a doctor interview by “Access Hollywood” the answer is absofreakingloutely. Direct quote.

“When you take a look at Britney Spears and her behavior, it’s very frightening,” Dr. Timothy Brantley, a PhD who educates patients on the power of food, told Access. “She’s a person who’s completely addicted to sugar. This is like heroin for a junkie. She’s literally on a roller coaster to hell.” Britney’s irrational behavior — from shaving her head to attacking a car with an umbrella — can partly be attributed to her toxic diet of caffeine drinks and fast food, Brantley told Access.

“Caffeine and sugar in this drink will drive your blood sugars and hormones crazy and it can effect your mood for hours,” Brantley said of a Frappuccino. Britney’s favorite Venti Frapaccino coffee can cause her to become irritable, agitated and lose focus. “And of course irrational behavior follows that,” Brantley said. “Once you get a quick rise and a quick drop, the body is back in a craving cycle again.”

Additionally, the caffeine content in her extra large soda could cause memory loss, inattentiveness and anxiety. “If you flood your body with sugars and all of a sudden you become really hyper, I think your judgment is going to be really altered,” he said. The greasy tacos and fries Britney craves from the drive-thru are equally destructive. “It’s toxic to the liver,” he said. “It’s going to mess up your hormones.”

[From Access Hollywood]

I agree with every single word of this – in theory. Sugar can do terrible things to your body. I have had a nasty sugar addiction for as long as I can remember. Though I’ve never battled any other addiction and have nothing to compare it to, trying to wean myself off sugar has been brutal. Strawberries just don’t compare to chocolate cake, I don’t give a shit what Suzanne Somers and the Sugar Busters people say. Regardless, when the good doctor points out “This is like heroin for a junkie,” I think the issue is more the heroin that she’s likely using than the sugar. I agree that sugar can do all the things he says, I just think Britney’s drug habit is the more likely culprit. Convince me that she’s not shooting/shorting/huffing anything that doesn’t walk and we’ll talk.

The best part of this article? “She’s literally on a roller coaster to hell.” I love when people use the word “literally” to emphasize their point. They’re trying to say “really” but want a stronger word, so they say “literally” – completely forgetting what it means. If Britney were literally on a roller coaster to hell, first off hell would have some pretty cool rides. I understand that any addiction is brutal, but I’m pretty sure they don’t send you literally to hell via the Coney Island Cyclone. At least in this life.

David Beckham recently came down and played a game of soccer in New Zealand, met some Maori and ate out. Now it seems that the tablescraps from his fast food jaunts are worth more than a fresh burger. A lot more.

Soccer superstar David Beckham’s backwash is a hot commodity, with memorabilia hunters in New Zealand bidding up to $5000 for a partly drunk Coke bottle.

One seller is offering for sale a Coke bottle from which the soccer star allegedly drank during his recent visit to the country.

In an effort to attract bids, the seller notes on the Trademe online auction site that the bottle is still one quarter full.

“Mostly backwash I would imagine,” the seller says in answer to a query.

The bottle - which has attracted one bid of $5000 - is said to have been left on a table by Beckham after he ate at a fast-food restaurant in Wellington.

The seller said buyers are welcome to do a DNA test to prove the authenticity of the product, but also provides a picture of themselves with Beckham.

Melbourne Herald Sun

Ew, gross. The report of a $5,000 offer is greatly exaggerated, since if you view the listing it’s at $50 with no offers at all. Are you a true Beckham fan, because buying a bottle of backwashed, warm Coke would have to be the ultimate proof.

Becks also ate fried chicken, coleslaw and corn at a fast food joint in Wellington, and the cutlery and scraps were also put up for auction. I’m guessing that fried chicken is rarely on teh menu when posh is doing teh cooking. Or instructing someone else to do the cooking. She doesn’t strike me as the baking type.

Beckham played while in New Zealand with a broken rib. What, you can play a demonstration match with a broken rib but you can’t play out your multimillion dollar Galaxy contract with just a sore knee?

Beck’s left New Zealand and caught the first Spice Girls concert, and gave the girls a gift that should make them very, very happy.

We’re used to David Beckham splashing out on presents for his other half.

But Becks surprised his wife and the rest of the Spice Girls when he bought £50,000 of stunning diamond-encrusted bracelets for them all.

Posh told us: “He knows I’m really nervous about him seeing me back on stage, so he bought us all these bracelets for good luck. It’s like the old days. David spent a lot of time around the girls when we first got together - it’s as though he married all of us. He’s the original Spice Boy.”

Mirror

A diamond bracelet? For each of them? That is pretty generous, when most people go on holiday all you get is a t-shirt, or a keyring.

Picture note by Celebitchy David Beckham is shown at his youth soccer clinic on 8/17/07, thanks to PRPhotos.