In the scope of this gossip website, very few of you probably care about Transformers: Dark of the Moon as an action movie. What really matters here is the rightful absence of Megan “Trash Talking” Fox, who got herself fired (although she says she quit) from a very lucrative franchise and, let’s face it, the best break of her career. Of course, the entire Tranformers franchise is merely amplified popcorn fare, but slo-mo boobs are really the extent of Fox’s talent. So after disinfecting Fox’s newly-vacated set trailer, Michael Bay recruited a new vacant bobblehead, Rosie Huntington-Whitely (a Victoria’s Secret model that appeared in one of the Bay-directed commercials), who was only too happy to wash Bay’s Ferrari and even put some extra plumping into that upper lip of hers just for the occasion of filming:

As far as the trailer is concerned, Whitely is ridiculously glamour-trashy as the love interest of Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf), who could never score a pimped-out, collagen-filled babe like that in the real world. Then again, Sam couldn’t have scored Fox’s Mikaela Banes either, but at least Fox looked less plastic in the first two Transformer movies than she does these days. What truly bothers me about this trailer, however, is that we get just a brief glimpse of Francis McDormand but no peek at John Malkovich. C’mon Bay, you’ve gotta give a little something to the ladies too.

Movie stills courtesy of AllMoviePhoto and Apple

I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s worth repeating: I am in love with John Malkovich. He was the very first actor that I had a truly erotic crush on when I was just a girl. And the Malkovich love has stayed with me, even though he’s turned into a grumpy old bastard. Scratch that – a deliciously grumpy old bastard. He’s still f-cking fabulous, and part of the reason is that Malkovich is truly a genius actor. He’s great in everything he does, even his “sellout” movies – ConAir, anyone? That being said, I hate to see him sell out, just because I want him to just be erotic, and dangerous, and horribly sleazy, like in my fantasies. But he lost a lot of money with Bernie Madoff, so I was prepared to see My Malky sell out some more. And sell out he shall! He’s just signed on for Transformers 3. No joke. With Megan Fox (oh crap, he‘s already working with Megan on Jonah Hex, DAMN IT). Oh, Jesus… oh, that’s not even the half of it! Frances McDormand has signed on too! What the f-ck?

Longtime readers of this site know that we’re big fans of John Malkovich and his work. Dangerous Liaisons, The Object of Beauty, that great Volker Schlöndorff production of Death of a Salesman… not to mention Being John Malkovich, which raised the interesting question, “What does it mean to be John Malkovich?” Then there’s the other stuff—Beowulf, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and more other titles than I care to think about—that raises the question, “What the hell does it mean to be John Malkovich?” The mystery deepens with news that Malkovich has signed on for Transformers 3.

This from Michael Bay’s blog: “On the talent front, we just locked in Frances McDormand and John Malkovich. Both amazing actors I’ve always wanted to work with. We also just got Ken Jeong—he is the superfunny actor stuck in the trunk from Hangover and the Doctor from Knocked Up.”

I guess Malkovich had nowhere else to go, once that Vulture deal for Spiderman 4 fell through. Really, though—Malkovich ought to know better, and so should Frances McDormand. (“Actor stuck in the trunk” is still building his resumé, so he’s off the hook.) I can only assume that Bay has compromising video of both Malkovich and McDormand, possibly together. Although that would still be less embarrassing than appearing in Splodeybots 3: The Legend Continues.

[From Agent Bedhead]

I agree with Bedhead’s conclusion that Bay must have something really incriminating on both Frances and Malky. Or would both of them jump at the chance to have their names attached to a film that will clear $200 million internationally in two weeks? My Frances is better than that, but I have to admit, My Malky might not be better than that. Frances must want a summer home or something. Malky will probably blow his Transformers paycheck on shoes and various erotic leather goods (in my dreams).

Brad Pitt and George Clooney have brought their hotness, and in Brad’s case his two older sons, to the Venice Film Festival to promote their Coen brothers film Burn After Reading, which premieres tomorrow. Last night they attended a gala for their charity Not on Our Watch, which has raised millions for people in war torn Sudan and cyclone-striken Myanmar. The charity’s director explained their reasoning for having a fundraising event there, saying that it was hard to coordinate schedules and they may as well do something while the two were both at the same place.

Pitt and Clooney also had a photocall for Burn After Reading today, where they gave glib responses to reporters asking the same old questions. You can see how they encourage each other to joke around when they’re together.

Clooney on whether he’s ever going to get married
“I am so surprised to hear that question. This honestly is the first time I’ve ever been asked that question. I’m getting married and having children today.”

Pitt: “And until then, I’ll be sharing mine with him.”

Pitt on how many kids is enough
[joking] “I’ll have two more by next year.”

He also said “The twins are fine.”

Clooney and Pitt on politics and the DNC
Clooney: “I’m happy to be here. This is one of my favorite places in the world to be. I like to watch the conventions on TV. I think the stars of the convention should be the people who are being elected.”

I’m pessimistic, but I’m optimistic. I think it’s a very exciting time in American politics.”

Pitt: “I’m optimistic, too. It’s a vital time. It’s a defining time. I’m excited about where things are going.” [People]

There’s a palpable excitement when these two get together, and I love seeing the photos. Someone should make a comedy that has a solid plot and stick all the Oceans men together again. Oh wait – there’s Burn After Reading coming. Can’t wait for that movie.

Thanks to WENN for these photos from the photocall today. Also shown are Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand – love her!, Joel Coen, and Ethan Coen.