That title is actually misleading, because the story is based on a supposed insider quote found at FemaleFirst, meaning it could be total bullshit made up by anyone, but Aniston is supposedly over her Rachel character and unwilling to do a “Friends” movie:

A source said: “There have been whispers of a ‘Friends’ movie for a while now, especially with the ‘Sex and the City’ film finally getting the go-ahead.

“But it can’t happen without Jen and she thinks ‘Friends’ has had it’s time and she should move on with her film career.

“I think if they were given a chance the rest of the cast would probably go for it but Jen sees playing Rachel again - even in a film - as going back, not moving forward.

“She wants to earn respect as a movie actress in her own right and take on more serious roles to stretch her acting ability.”

[Female First via Gossip Rocks]

Unlike Sex and the City, I would actually go see a Friends movie, because despite how annoying Aniston might seem to many of you now I always found her character and the other Friends endearing and funny. I didn’t watch it all the time, but you know they could make the movie pretty entertaining and you don’t have to be a die-hard fan to see it.

I doubt she said this though. It’s a pretty decent assumption considering how she’s been managing her career, but she probably never told anyone this that would actually blab to Female First or whatever non-sourced magazine or rag they got it from.

Here is Aniston in a damn good mood rubbing her shawl all over her face while out to dinner in NY recently. What’s that all about? Thanks to Splash News for these pictures.

Victoria Beckham was recently interviewed by Contact Music as part of her massive “We’ve Moved” press tour, which the Beckhams are doing instead of sending out change of address cards to their friends and family. Victoria’s new reality special is called “Victoria Beckham: Coming To America” – a play on Eddie Murphy’s movie, “Coming to America.” The same Eddie Murphy who knocked up fellow spice girl Melanie Brown, and then claimed on television that he wasn’t sure the baby was his. That’s also how/when he broke up with Melanie. Also the same Eddie Murphy who picks up transsexual prostitutes to make sure they get home okay. When Murphy was brought up, Victoria had a few choice words for him.

I’d spit on his food definitely. “I’d chop his d**k off too.’”

[From Contact Music]

As far as I’m concerned, this is absolutely the definition of true friendship. And this time I’m not being sarcastic. True friends hate people that screw over their friends, and if necessary, they tell the press about it. Last week Melanie Bromley, West Coast bureau chief of Us Weekly magazine said that for Victoria Beckham to become a star in America, she would have to “get some personality. At the moment, she’s a slightly two-dimensional character for Americans.’” Calling Eddie Murphy “’Beverly Hills C**k’” is a pretty great start in my book.

Oh man I’m so excited! I was pretty ambivalent about the Beckhams moving to the U.S., but if this is the kind of stuff that pops out of Victoria Beckham’s mouth in her first four days here, I hope she becomes my neighbor. The odds are kind of slim since I live in the middle of Brooklyn, but I have a lovely half bath that she could fit into perfectly, and probably have room for a couple of her cleavage-baring tops too. Either way, now I’m rooting for her. I hope it comes to blows with Eddie Murphy. Someone needs to take him down a peg. Although “Norbit” didn’t do it, so I’m guessing that nothing will.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Here are some screencaps of Victoria Beckham on the Tonight Show on 07/13/07. Yes, she’s actually smiling. Photos via Gossip Rocks.

It had to happen … the ultimate blended family is working it out Brady style. No need for Tom - the redhead and the brunette have it all well sorted. I guess he could bleach his hair and they could be Josie and the Pussycats, but that midget is an afterthought

Yes Nicole and Katie are large and in charge … sisters are doing it for themselves.

Katie Holmes became stepmother to Nicole’s adopted children, Isabella and Conor, when she married Nicole’s ex-husband Tom Cruise, and both actresses worker together on how to handle their kids.

A source said: “Katie was having lunch with friends in Beverly Hills when Isabella rang her to talk to her about a party she was going to.

“Katie said, ‘That was Bella. She wants to wear a dress to a birthday party but I think it is much too grown up for her. But she says her mother approves. So I need to check with Nicole.’

via intogossip

Any second now they will be comparing notes on life in flat shoes. the heartache of car pooling to the Scientology temple, how often to replace bounced out sofa cushions. I think this is absolute proof that very sensible women keep marrying that no-talent munchkin because money is an aphrodisiac. He used to date Penelope Cruz as well … its too much hotness for one wee leprechaun.

The Bella has Two Mommies tale continued:

Then after she’d made the call to Nicole she told her friends, ‘Nicole agrees with me. The dress is all wrong. The drama of it all! If I’ve learned one thing about teenagers, it’s that little things mean a lot.’

A life on Dawson’s Creek never taught her the lessons that one Academy Award winning phone call could deliver.

pics via shotsdaily

Maddox Jolie-Pitt is said to love “uncle” George Clooney’s impression of restaurant owner Mr. Krabs from Spongebob Squarepants so much that he asked Angelina over and over to call the Oceans 13 set so he could hear him do it:

Maddox pestered Mom endlessly to phone the “Oceans 13″ set during filming - just so he could he “Uncle George” Clooney render his side-splitting impression of Maddox’s favorite TV star.. SpongeBob Squarepants! [Note by Celebitchy: author means Mr. Krabs, see below] The bit gives Maddox the giggles - and he always begs Uncle George for his impressive imitation of Mr. Krabs, owner of the Krusty Krab restaurant where SpongeBob works.

[From The National Enquirer print edition, Mike Walker’s column, January 12, 2007]

I didn’t know Maddox had bonded with Clooney like that. Maybe Clooney will school an adolescent Maddox in the fine art of pranking one’s castmembers and avoiding longterm relationships by sleeping with whomever’s closest at hand every six to eight weeks.

I just used this article as an excuse to make a cute composite image of Clooney, Maddox and Mr. Krabs.

Here’s a Krusty Krab training video. Mr Krabs comes in at about 2:15, and he does sound kind of like Clooney:

The Nickelodeon people also e-mailed me with this weird press release saying that kids can vote for the president of Bikini Bottom or something, which is basically a promo for three new episodes. The website is not up yet, though. Marketing people are always promoting stuff before it’s ready.

People are pissed at maligned gossip blogger Perez Hilton for staying completely mum on the ParisCarriage scandal. I paid for access to the Paris Exposed site before it fell victim to popularity this weekend, and there is so much good dirt there it’s incredible. Paris Exposed is a website containing a treasure trove of incriminating pictures, videos, love letters and personal diaries of the heiress that she lost rights to by failing to pay the storage facility where they were held.

This weekend Perez posted pictures of Mischa Barton’s boyfriend, Cisco Adler, posing in the nude. Cisco has disturbingly huge balls, and I briefly posted the pictures here before I felt ashamed and pulled them down. (It’s one thing to show some naked women, and another to push the envelope with that crap. I don’t want anyone’s kid to accidentally see that scary shit.)

Commentors were quick to point out that Perez got the pictures from the “Paris Exposed” website, which he never credited or mentioned once on his site. (this link to the comment below is incredibly NSFW)

So Paris Hilton had a bunch of her belongings stored in a storage unit and she forgot to pay for it. Well the owner sold it all off. Now its all online at www.parisexposed.com. Apparently the guy who purchased everything took pictures of every item. The items included are a bill for an abortion Paris got done in 2003, pics of her enjoying some coke, pot and other drugs, videos/pictures of her naked, notes she wrote about her bulemia and her Valtrex usage for her herpes. Yet Perez isnt talking about any of this. Instead he is chosing to pick on the other people involved in this scandel such as Mischa Barton’s boyfriend and Nicole Ritchie. What a fucking loser! How can he call people out on this Paris herself is doing?! To top it off Paris and her people are stating that this was done by someone out to get her and that Paris, once again, is the victim. Im sorry but how is she a victim when all of this stuff is true and documented by none other than Paris Hilton herself. Shes a idiot and the biggest train wreck of them all. I mean have you ever heard of a case this bad before? Dumb bitch documented all of it

I saw the bill in question for an “abortion,” and it looks like Paris, or “Amber” as she called herself, did have a legitimate miscarriage.

A lot of people are skeptical of all this data on Paris, and some suspect her of releasing it to get publicity. To me it seems like a legitimate problem for Paris, who must be incredibly ashamed. Her ex boyfriend, Joe Francis, who is featured on the bubble bath and Ibiza party videos on the site, said he tried to buy the stuff himself but they wanted an incredibly $7 million for it. They’re said to be exploring legal options now.

This scandal is way bigger than Britney’s quadruple crotch reveal before the holidays, and to act like it doesn’t exist because you have a personal relationship with a celebrity is pretty lame. The least Perez could do would be to acknowledge it and call his friend Paris a victim or whatever.

Watch this blow up huge this week, and all Perez is doing is showing us Cisco’s huge balls and acting like he pulled them the pictures out of his ass.

In more Robbie Williams news …

Lindsay Lohan had the uncharacteristically smart foresight to snag her extracted faulty appendix from the hospital before it ended up on eBay. She took it home in a jar and threw it into the freezer for safekeeping.

Word is that Kimbo Stewart told her she should auction off the thing herself for charity.

Terrified that her recently-removed appendix might fall into weird hands and be auctioned off on eBay, Lindsay Lohan ordered the hospital to preserve her priceless part, then took it home, popped it into a canning jar - and froze it solid! Now here’s the twist: Lindsay’s pal Kimberly Steward is urging her to raise money for charity by auctioning off her appendix herself!

[From National Enquirer print edition, Mike Walker’s column, January 29, 2007]

William Shatner’s kidney stone went for $25,000 to GoldenPalace.com, so Kimberly has a good idea. Lindsay hasn’t done much else for charity and this would get her name in the papers for something positive.

I didn’t really think these two were friends, especially since Kimberly was said to hook up with Lohan’s ex, Harry Morton, this December. Lohan and Kimberly were both seen partying in Miami around the new year at the same club, but there are no pictures of them together. They both have liver problems, though, and may have bonded over a medical conversation.

Lohan left rehab briefly this weekend for a follow-up visit to the doctor. She was seen stopping for a snack at a convenience store. And that is what passes for news on this blog.

Header picture is of Kimberly in early December. Taken by Celebrity Puke.

Britian’s unreliable Sun is reporting that Victoria Beckham has nixed the idea of her family converting to the Scientology cult at Tom Cruise’s urging. They say that her husband, footballer David Beckham, is more impressionable and has been considering it after having some heart-to-heart conversations with the pint-sized actor, but that Victoria isn’t about to waste her money on anything other than fashion:

TOM CRUISE is trying to recruit the Beckhams to the Scientology cult — but Victoria has told him: “Hands off our cash”.

The Hollywood superstar is obsessed with the wacky religion and believes David would benefit from joining.

But Victoria, 32, has ruled it out — partly because members have to make large, regular cash donations. Last week David admitted he spent “hours” on the phone to Tom, 44, before quitting Real Madrid for LA Galaxy.

There’s another report that David Beckham was so distraught over leaving Madrid for LA-based soccer team Galaxy that he needed ice packs to bring down the puffiness of his eyes from constant crying. He is now said to be content with his decision and excited about the move.

Victoria has gushed that she loves the fashion in Hollywood and that she’s excited to hobnob with the stars.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are throwing a big welcome party for the Beckhams this summer. Guests are said to include Steven Spielberg and Jennifer Lopez.

David is still in Madrid playing out his contract with Real Madrid, and will join his family in the states to play for LA Galaxy starting this summer.

Posh and Becks have enrolled their oldest child, Brooklyn, seven, in the Brentwood private day school in Bel-Air, where he will start school in August.

Here are pictures of Victoria and Katie Holmes out to dinner at The Ivy on 1/16. Tom dropped the two off and then left them to pick at their food.

Victoria is still wearing that god-awful Giambattista Valli belt that Chic Mommy made fun of earlier.

Commentors here note that it looks like Katie had some work done on her face. I don’t see it, but it could be the case. Pictures from KatieHolmes.com

Jennifer Aniston was noticeably absent at last night’s Golden Globes. Everyone was wondering if she would show up and how she would handle it if she ran into Brad and Angelina. At least she can revel in the fact that her rival Angelina couldn’t even manage to act happy on the red carpet.

I didn’t see Jen’s good friend Courteney Cox there, either. Now the news is that Aniston is going to make a guest appearance on Cox’s critically-panned new FX series, Dirt:

Former Friends costars Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox are going to share the small screen once again – but this time the pals will play rivals on Cox’s new FX drama, Dirt.

Aniston will appear on the show’s March 27 finale as Tina Harrod, a rival magazine editor to Cox’s character, Lucy Spiller.

“We’re shooting this Thursday – I can’t wait,” Cox told PEOPLE on Monday. “We’ll have a ball. We’re just going to have fun.”

This appearance will mark the first time the friends will have been on a show together since Friends went off the air in 2004.

From most accounts, Dirt is a rather humorless show, and people speculate that it will be cancelled soon. Cox herself doesn’t seem too enthused with it, and didn’t do that well in a promotional session for the series at the Television Critics Association. It might not be the best idea for Aniston to make an appearance on what could be the last episode.

Update: Thanks to Kellie and Diva for pointing out that Courteney Cox was a presenter at the Golden Globes. I should have watched the whole thing, but there’s just too much going on at our house this week.

Kid Rock took a bunch of his estranged wife Pamela Anderson’s friends to Hawaii in early December, and ever-reliable source The Globe reports that they gossiped about Pam during the vacation. They claim that Rock suspects that Pam faked her brief pregnancy, which ended in a miscarriage while she was filming Blonde and Blonder in Canada with Denise Richards. A supposed source says that Pam is “devastated” and thinks that Rock is trying to win her friends over to his side:

A source tells me that in early December, Kid sent his soon-to-be-ex a beautiful bouquet of flowers to let her know that he still loves her. Then days later, he whisked a bunch of her close pals, including L.A. socialite Diana Jenkins… David Space, and… Cindy Crawford and her hubby… to Hawaii for a U2/Pearl Jam concert and put them up at the luxurious Halekulani Hotel in Waikiki, where they dished the dirt - mostly about Pam! “Among other things, the Gang discussed Kid’s suspicions that Pam faked her pregnancy, her hard-partying ways and stupidity for not signing a prenup,” says the insider. “Needless to say, Pam is absolutely devastated. She believes that Kid is trying to influence her friends and turn them all against her. She feels deserted, as well. She especially doesn’t like the way Diana, who served as one of her two bridesmaids during her wedding bash in St. Tropez, has jumped in and started cozying up to Kid. it is a real slap in the face to her - and the ultimate betrayal.”

[From Globe print edition January 7, 2007]

Pam struck out at Kid’s earlier claim that she was partying and neglecting her two children during their brief marriage. She said that he was lying when he claimed that she was out drinking every night, and that it was Rock that was away from home while she watched his son.

Both Pam and Kid Rock hosted parties in Las Vegas for New Years. Pam was at Tao at the Venetian and was seen getting cozy with Chuck Zito. Rock was at Jet at the Mirage.

Pictures of Pam on New Year’s Eve are from Splash News.