See this dress Laura Bush is wearing in this official White House Holiday photo? It’s by Oscar de la Renta and costs $8,500 freakin’ dollars. You’d think if you were going to spend that much money on a haute couture dress and wear it to an official event, you would make sure it was an original, right? So nobody else would be wearing the same dress as the Queen of the Free World?

Well, it seems Mrs. Bush didn’t have someone do that for her and ended up wearing this dress not only for the official White House Holiday photo, but also to a celebrity studded party for fat cats at the White House. Imagine her surprise when she discovered that three other women were wearing the exact same dress! Oh, the horrors!

Letitia Baldridge, Jacqueline Kennedy’s Chief of Staff and White House social secretary says the gown was beautiful, but triple the trouble was quite the mess.

“They all should have congratulated one another on their good taste and the fact that they could afford the dress,” Baldridge says. “Jacqueline Kennedy, when she was first lady made sure, and her couturiers made sure that nobody else wore that dress that season. “

Oh please, Laura Bush is no Jacqueline Kennedy. That’s like comparing apples to oranges. But Laura did try to rectify the situation by running upstairs and changing into another gown. The other three ladies who had the same dress on didn’t have that option, and for the remainder of the night, tried to stay as far away from each other as they possibly could.

White House Holiday photo via The White House

A drug runner 61 year old grandma was caught with 214 pounds of ganj. Grammy Garcia told police that she received only $275 in welfare a month and regularly gambled to buy money for weed support herself.

When police turned a deaf ear to her pleas, Grammy decided to take another route and pulled out a gun, no two, and said, “Give me back my bingo pot, bitches!” That’s when they decided intervention needed to happen and maced her bingo loving ass.

No, not really. But that’s what I imagined happened. Instead after that lousy excuse didn’t work, she claimed she was tricked which was a total farce because we all know if the crazy lady had 214 lbs. of weed that she had to protect and hide at all costs, she most definitely knew they weren’t a different strain of tomato plants.

Bad news: She’s getting 3-12 years in the slammer.

Good news: She will probably hand-make bingo cards out of discarded trash and bingo balls made out of buttermints and convince the other inmates to play with her.

And here I have posted a picture of Ryan Phillippe just because I’m sure he and Granny have the same interests.

Amy Poehler, co-host of Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update, blasted coochie flashing celebrities this weekend during her live broadcast.

Speaking of Britney Spears, I’d just like to take a minute to address this latest trend, flashing your bizness while coming in, and or, leaving a limosine.

Ladies (read: Britney, Paris, and Lindsay, but especially Britney), you need to cool it. Nobody wants to see your baby factory. Look, I get it, I’ve been in this business for 65 years. I know how it works. Flashing Beav is part of the game. But if your gonna do it at least get paid for it…….

The point is, you guys are making Tara Reid look like Audry Hepburn. What’s next? Shots of stars pooping out of a window? And lastly, ladies, what’s up with all the deforestation going on down there? You need hair down there! It’s a backup system for underwear! Even when you’re showin’ it, you’re not really showin’ it! There was a time when a lady garden was as big as a slice of New York pizza. Then, it turned into an upside down John Waters mustache. Now, every girl is as smooth as Joey Lawrence’s head! Global warming? You decide. But remember, I always believe a woman’s nethers should be shrouded in mystery.

We have nothing more to add to this story. Amy has said it all, and hell yeah, we girls who wear panties agree. Way to go Amy Poehler! Represent.

SNL screencap image taken and captioned by Chic Mommy.

Richard Simmons is such a diva on Letterman but he must have been in on the joke when his steamer went haywire. They added a plate underneath the thing that rigged the machine to blow. Dave keeps talking over him, says his steamer is too expensive, and then Simmons points out that Dave’s tie cost $125. It’s pretty amusing.

Apparently a Shanghai company devised a product for the removal of pesky freckles that really, truly to God works! Their claim:

So good, it could remove spots from fish!

Also apparently, it caused death in the fish. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard PETA make an uproar about it yet probably because they’re too busy harassing humans for not being cruel to animals.

People who bought the product complained of “rashes, skin inflammation, blistering, colored spots and other adverse reactions.” Sounds lovely.

Magic Freckle Gel was also endorsed by Lindsay Lohan. Haha! Okay, not really, but damn that’d be funny.

Still on sale but I couldn’t find it anywhere (probably because I didn’t look except under the bed and in my backpack).

Yet another night of insomnia has brought me to the AP where I found this interesting and cringeworthy tidbit (literally). Apparently this young gentleman is a dumbfuck.

A botched kidnapping ended with one of the assailants shooting himself in the groin, police said.

The man had just stuck the gun in his waistband when it fired, shooting him in the left testicle, authorities said. He cringed, causing the gun to fire again and strike him in the left calf, they said.

The 23-year-old man managed to walk into a hospital for treatment. He and his two alleged accomplices, ages 18 and 20, were arrested on attempted kidnapping charges. They were accused of trying to kidnap a teenager in a dispute over stereo speakers.

Well… was it worth it? Was it? I bet that fool you tried to kidnap thought it was hilarious like everyone else.

Note by Celebitchy Welcome our newest contributing writer, Viv. She is a long time commentor and reader, and will be adding her hilarious take on the odd news.

K-Fed’s album “Playing with Fire” is out and the Amazon reviewers either love it or hate it. Most hate it, and a few of them have actually listened to it. Here are two of my favorite reviews:

A cute poem from top 100 reviewer Amanda Richards:

This former back-up dancer
Now known as Mr. Spears
Has brought us the worst album
To be released in years

Though he thinks he’s Eminem
He’s more Vanilla Ice
And after you’ve heard this one once
You wouldn’t hear it twice

Just listen to the lyrics
And see if you agree
These are the worst songs ever “sung”
In all of history

The first single is “Lose Control”
A track that should be tossed
I would suggest this album
Be avoided at all cost

Maybe next year on April 1
(You’ll get two for a buck)
Buy `em for an All Fool’s joke
and watch your pals upchuck

Top 1000 reviewer Pen Name, who gave it half a chance before trashing it:

I gave half of this CD a listen to see if the criticism Federline has been receiving is justified. I can quite clearly say that it is. The “beats” on this album are pretty sophmoric, but could be overlooked with good writing. There are no songs that really have a very catchy rhythm that you can enjoy, although a few have potential. The main problem with the album though is the awful lyrics:

“Im the talk of the town
Thats the reason why they stare
4 karats in my ear
If you look see a glare”

“When the pen hits the pad
It’s in the left hand
Every single word is worth thirty grand”

“Every word out my mouth
Make headline news
I’m the best, I rule
Come test my tools”

Federline spends the entire album rapping about four things:

a) His wife
b) How much everyone hates him
c) How much pot he smokes / how much he gets drunk
d) How awesome he is.

I assume the fact that people are always “hatin’ on him” gives him street cred and makes him tough in his eyes. I just can’t understand it, as these lyrics would be laughable from ANY artist, not just him. He actually has a fairly decent voice, but it won’t matter if he keeps using monosyllable rhymes that sound like they were written by a third grader.

A guy who unwittingly attended a listening party and almost got kicked out for mocking the CD like everyone else there:

Well folks, here is a true story. About 3 weeks ago a friend of my sister was invited to a listening party over Los Angeles. Her friend works in a radio station their and said there is going to be some celebrities and some people in the up and up in music, so by some reason I’m still quite sure how it happened, possibly parental nagging, I went to this party not knowing really what to expect and being an open minded music fan actually made it kind of interesting. At the party, I heard some DJ going around telling every one to expect big things from an up and coming artist, so later on I was appalled when this up and coming artist was…………..Mr Britney Spears HImself Kevin Federline. Naturally I wanted to bail faster than a guy in a high speed chase then all of a sudden it clicked, I could listen to the album and actually go ahead and bash this later. So the agony turned to despair and even some times comedic as many people there were thinking and saying what was on every bodies mind, is this a joke? So listening to this abomination I was just laughing when I told someone that Vanilla Ice would be proud that someone was holding his torch alive and then someone from his crew threatened to kick me out and I did leave after many people left in disgust and annoyed at what I saw and heard too, just because you marry someone big, wont meen that people will put up with your joke of a life. Im mean this album had some of the worst production and skills ever. Basically his songs are, yeah, Ilive the high life cuz I married Britney, Im from Fresno and Im a gangsta. So after I left the party, feeling dirty and actually wanting to puke, I got my sister, her friend went home and to try to salvage part of life that shamefully I will never get back so to calm my self , I got my Celtic Frost To Mega Therion album, crank the stereo up went home. Now thanks to this event I think Im suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and hopefully I will forget this soon and alcohol will mostly help to earse it. Remembered, I suffered so you wouldn’t have to.

Britney has now been shopping for a ton of clothes in size six. She was said to be planning a Halloween comeback and it seems like she’s slimmed up enough to perform again. At least someone in her family is talented.

Glossy pictures of K-Fed’s latest spawn, Jayden James, have yet to be seen. I thought they would be published in time to help promote his album, so they’ll probably come out soon along with jaw-dropping pictures of his wife.

If you want, you can listen to the entire album online. You can’t fast forward so don’t say I didn’t warn you. There are also scans of the entire “Playing with Fire” CD, which consists of a naseating number of photos of K-Fed in the exact same pose, at BreatheHeavy.com. I was going to post them here, but I don’t have the patience to download and resize all that shit.

Thanks to Fark for reminding me to look at Amazon for the reviews.

When Victoria Beckham’s kids asked her what she does all day she put the Spice Girls movie into the VCR, because she figured the WAG concept was just too hard to explain. Her kids loved the film so much that they watched it over and over. When her four year old son, Romeo, asked her if she had been out with the Spice Girls one day she didn’t have the heart to tell him that she was just shopping for a living, so answered “yes”:

She revealed in an interview with Britain’s Radio 1: “I showed the kids ‘Spice Girls: The Movie’ the other day, because being in Spain it’s all about football and all about daddy, and the kids said, ‘Mummy what did you actually do?’

“So I put on the movie, and they loved it and it was on heavy rotation. Then one day I had been out to work and when I came home Romeo came running up to me and said, ‘Mummy, have you been working with the Spice Girls?’

And I couldn’t let him down, so I said, ‘Yeah, mummy has been working with the Spice Girls’. And he said, ‘Have you been driving that bus mummy?’”

I had the pleasure of seeing Spice World in High Def about two years ago when my sattelite network Voom, which has since gone belly up, put it on heavy rotation. (They did have a lot of fabulous HD original content too, but their filler was basically cardboard.) I can see how it would be entertaining to a toddler, and it’s a bit less intellectually demanding than the average showed aimed at 3-6 year olds. Dora The Explorer has to visit three locations sequentially in a half an hour, but the Spice Girls just have to get to one concert gig and they have an hour and a half to do it.

That’s sweet and kind of disturbing that Victoria’s son thinks she runs around in little outfits getting in silly capers with a group of ditsy women, pausing for musical numbers. That’s not entirely untrue. I tell my kid all sorts of white lies, so I can hardly blame her. (”Yes, Daddy is coming home in a minute. Look - there’s a firetruck!”)

Unfortunately Posh might never be able to perform with the Spice Girls again. She said a reunion was unlikely now that all the former members are doing their own thing. Scary is several months pregnant with Eddie Murphy’s baby, so that would put a wrench in their plans too. They’ll always have Spice World.

Here is Victoria promoting her new book and outside of her hotel recently. Thanks to In Case you Didn’t Know for these pictures.

From The National Enquirer’s Mike Walker comes the story of an hilarious prank Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio played on player Jack Nicholson. Nicholson was in the hospital to get his salivary glands checked out and they posed as masked interns trying to give him a rectal exam!

That’s a great story that would have been made better by news of an accompany Punk’d video, but I’ll have settle for a mental image.

Matt, Leo and Jack star in Martin Scorsese’s “The Departed,” which according to Pajiba is a well-crafted and compelling crime drama with an amazing cast.

All I need to know is that Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio are in it. Mark Wahlberg is just an added bonus.

Here’s the trailer on YouTube.

And here are some pictures from the film, courtesy of All Movie Photo.

Paris had a bad week. Busted for DUI, caught making out with Travis Barker despite claimimg to have been with his lookalike friend, and now the victim of a clever prank by likable freewheeling billionaire Richard Branson.

Branson held a Mad-Hatter themed party Saturday night, and Paris asked if she could dress as Alice in Wonderland and be the belle of the ball. Branson agreed, but had as his servers dress as Alice too! When Paris showed, he asked her to fetch him a drink:

Oops Paris! The only way you can win is by staying in and keeping to yourself for a little while, but that’s not going to happen, is it?

Thanks to Fark for linking this story.

Here are some low-res pictures of Paris getting arrested for DUI. [via]