Oh, GOD. Elsabetta Canalis speaks! Again. And she’s letting us know why she’s got staying power as George Clooney’s girlfriend – she isn’t interested in all of that maternal junk, unless you’re talking about Clooney needing a good spanking because he’s such a naughty boy. Eli gave an interview to the Italian edition of Cosmo, and she details her lack of desire to ever be a mom: “My maternal desires are fully satisfied with my dogs.” You know George probably has a dog collar and leash on right now. Eli also expresses how happy she is to simply be “the girlfriend of…” Good thing, too. Because the girl cannot act.

A junior version of George Clooney sounds adorable – to everyone but his girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis. The Italian model-actress, 32, who has been dating the Oscar winner since 2009, said she doesn’t plan on having any kids with her “American boyfriend.”

“[Getting pregnant has] never been an objective for me,” Canalis tells the Italian edition of Cosmopolitan. “My maternal desires are fully satisfied with my dogs.”

No surprise there: Clooney, 49, has previously shared the same sentiment about skipping out on fatherhood – and another wedding, after being married to actress Talia Balsam from 1989 to 1993.

Instead, Canalis is living her life in Los Angeles in the fast lane – literally. As a pastime, the couple likes to hit the road on Clooney’s motorcycle.

“We love the coast, the Pacific Highway, with its rocks, the surfers and the ocean,” she says.

And when they’re not enjoying one-on-one time, she says she has no problem staying in the passenger’s seat. “It’s relaxing,” she adds.

“I love it to bits,” she says. “I am happy to participate at events as the ‘girlfriend of.’ ”

While Canalis won’t be to specific as to what that role entails, she does provide one hint: Pointing out the difference between Italian and American men, she says it comes down to three words.

“Italian men find it really hard to say, ‘I love you,’ ” she says. “In summary, American men are more open from an emotional standpoint.”

[From People]

This helps me understand a little bit more why Eli and George are coming up on their two-year anniversary. George finally found himself a woman who shares his interests – no kids, no marriage, lots of kinky sex and lots of money. When I put it like that, I might be up for it too.

Also – what I wouldn’t give for Eli’s Iggy-Pop-nemesis Jennifer Aniston to simply state her position on babies as succinctly as this.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

George Clooney didn’t just talk to Piers Morgan about malaria – he also talked about whether or not he would get married again. In the interview – jointly with his dad, Nick Clooney – George told Piers that “I hate to blow your whole news story, but I was married, so I gave it a shot.” Most outlets are claiming that this retort means that Clooney has given up on ever marrying, ever ever ever again. While it could totally mean that, that’s not really what Clooney said. I take it more as “I’ve been married before and I have no illusions about the married life, but maybe someday, I guess, I might try it again.”

Don’t expect George Clooney’s love Elisabetta Canalis to join Hollywood’s bridal brigade — because her famous beau is not interested in getting hitched. In a Friday interview on Piers Morgan Tonight, Clooney, 49, appeared alongside his father Nick, who admitted he “yearned for the moment” when his movie star son would wed Canalis. (Nick and George’s mom Nina have been married for over 50 years.)

George’s retort: “I hate to blow your whole news story, but I was married, so I gave it a shot.”

Indeed, it’s a lesser-known fact that Clooney was married to actress Talia Balsam from 1989 to 1993.

Where is Balsam these days? The actress, 51, keeps busy with a steady stream of film and TV roles; she plays Natalie Portman’s mom in No Strings Attached, out this weekend. As a recurring character on Mad Men, she plays ex-wife to Roger Sterling, played by actor John Slattery — her real-life husband, with whom she has one son, Harry.

Clooney and Italian actress/model Canalis, 32, have been dating since 2009. She opened up to Italian Vanity Fair last year about her romance with one of the world’s most desired men.

“There are some people who just don’t want to see me happy,” Canalis complained. “[George] reassures me all the time. He is very close. I feel more embraced than ever before. The idea of being so loved is overwhelming…George has given color back to my life.”

During the Piers Morgan interview, Clooney also praised his actor dad for teaching him the value of doing charity work, “to help look out for people that are less fortunate than you and to challenge people that are in power.”

Would Clooney consider entering politics?

“Honestly, my job is as good as they get,” he said. “I think that I am best suited as an advocate for issues and I look to people who are far smarter and far better at this than I am to lead.”

[From Us Weekly]

Do you think Elisabetta Canalis is weeping into her bondage gear as we speak? Do you think she’s having an “aha” moment, starring at her leather hoodie and whip. “Aha, I get it! He just wants kinky sex, not a wife!” Of course, we don’t really know if Elisabetta ever wants to marry Clooney either. Wait, what am I saying? Of course she wants to marry him. Why else would she be pushing the engagement ring stories?

Oh, and last year Clooney’s ex-wife Talia Balsam gave a rare interview about her time with Clooney – you can read it here. She doubts he’ll ever marry again. I get the feeling she knows what’s up.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Sad news. George Clooney has spent a significant amount of time in Sudan over the past few months, and during a stay in early January, he contracted malaria. Sad! Of course, malaria is a treatable condition, and this is George’s second time at the malaria fun-house. I hear they let you drink gin and tonic! That’s about it. Basically, you feel like hot death and you wish someone would shoot you in the face.

George Clooney is known for his practical jokes but a recent bout with a serious illness was no laughing matter.

The actor, 49, contracted Malaria during a trip to Africa recently as part of a push for aggressive diplomacy to avoid another potential genocide in the Sudan region. But, his rep says, he’s subsequently made a full recovery despite new reports to the contrary.

“George is completely over the Malaria he contracted while in the Sudan during the first week in January,” his rep tells PEOPLE. “This illustrates how with proper medication, the most lethal condition in Africa, can be reduced to a bad ten days instead of a death sentence.”

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Web site, “Malaria is a serious and sometimes fatal disease caused by a parasite that commonly infects a certain type of mosquito which feeds on humans.”

The news of his illness broke Thursday via the host of CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight, who Tweeted that Clooney is still fighting the illness: “It’s his 2nd bout of malaria. Taking medication but feeling rough,” Morgan claimed.

Morgan says Clooney, who taped his interview on Jan. 13, is due to be a guest on his show on Friday and will talk about the condition then.

[From People]

God, George has balls. He talks the talk and walks the walk, and he’s got his second case of malaria to prove it. Oh, CNN has a video clip too – Clooney’s on Piers’ show tonight:

George Clooney contracted malaria while he was in Sudan during the recent election there, he told Piers Morgan during an interview scheduled to air Friday. Clooney was in Sudan working on a his “Enough” project with Google and the United Nations installing equipment to film the historic election. Clooney was helping set up a semicovert satellite photography project to record the voting and any possible fallout. The “Enough” project’s goal is to end genocide.

“The truth of the matter is we are hoping it is one of many tools to continue to apply pressure, at the very least, to gather evidence that could be used at The Hague later if there are – if there are infringements or rules broken … if anyone crosses across the border north or south,” Clooney told Morgan.

It was during this recent work in Sudan that he contracted malaria.

“I guess the mosquito in Juba looked at me and thought I was the bar,” Clooney quipped.

While discussing the matter in a fairly jovial manner, Clooney said it was the second time he had gotten malaria.

“You don’t think President Bashir has – has detached a detail of sickly, vengeful mosquitoes to target you whenever you arrive?” Morgan joked.

“Yeah,” Clooney responded. “I think so.”

A few minutes later Morgan joked in another tweet abut Clooney’s condition.

“Clooney malaria update: now have 24,563 offers to nurse him. But his rep says medication’s worked and he’s OK. Sorry, ladies,” Morgan tweeted.

[From CNN]

See… I went this whole time without making an Elisabetta Canalis/mosquito/blood-sucker joke. Aren’t you proud of me?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

These are photos of Elisabetta Canalis and George Clooney in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, for the holidays. They haven’t really been too perturbed by photographers, which is interesting. It’s like Clooney is saying “this is my official lady for a while, whatever.” And Eli is getting a little face-time with Clooney for the paparazzi, which she must enjoy immensely. She doesn’t seem to go anywhere in Mexico fully-clothed – in nearly all photos she’s wearing her string bikini, with at most a men’s button-down shirt as a half-assed coverup. And what an ass, eh? Clooney has been with that ass for a year and a half, y’all. That ass is magic.

Since we recently dissected Megan Fox’s bikini body (I thought she looked fine, others didn’t agree), let’s do the same to Elisabetta, shall we? I can’t help it, I know the face and neck are “mannish” but the body is incredible. I would love to have her figure. Not her skin, though. She’s gotten too much sun, and her skin looks leathery, even from this distance. So here’s what I would take – everything from below the neck, minus the leather. Funny, I think that’s probably how Clooney ordered her too. HA.

SIDENOTE: When I heard Elisabetta speak, you know who she reminded me of? I finally placed it! Apollonia from The Godfather. You know, Michael’s first wife who dies. It’s uncanny.

Photos courtesy of Bauer-Griffin.

Elisabetta Canalis and George Clooney have been together a year and a half. That’s a long time (for Clooney), and it’s much longer than I had in my own private betting pool (me and my dog). Throughout their year-and-a-half relationship, there have been various tabloid stories about how Canalis had “tamed” Clooney, and how this was finally the girl who would get Clooney down the aisle. You’ve just got to roll your eyes, because they said that about all of Clooney’s other girls too. It’s a national pastime, theorizing how long Clooney’s latest escort/girlfriend will last. Personally, I think Canalis has lasted this long because she’s one clever hooker. Of course, I also think she must have accumulated some really disgusting and embarrassing dirt on Clooney that she’s blackmailing him with. Just a theory!

Anyway, this In Touch Weekly story is most definitely crap, but it amused me to no end:

Is the world’s best-known bachelor about to turn in his little black book for baby booties? George Clooney, 49, has been dating Italian television star Elisabetta Canalis, 32, for a year, and now she has started hearing the ticking of her biological clock.

“She wants a baby with George,” the insider says. “As much as George has recently fought the idea of marriage and family, he is finally thinking about settling down. But Elisabetta doesn’t even really care if they get married. She has a laid-back European mentality and doesn’t need a wedding right away.”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

A few of points:

*Elisabetta is 32? My ass.

*Of course Elisabetta “doesn’t even really care if they get married”. As I said, she’s a clever hooker. Why sign up for a lifetime when you’re getting paid by the week?

*I think the tabloids are using euphemisms at this point. “Laid-back European mentality” = cocaine, threesomes and light bondage.

*Not to get too harsh (whatever), but would Eli be able to reproduce naturally? Wasn’t she born a man? She has an Adam’s apple.

*Does anyone else enjoy that Eli’s descriptor is now “Italian television star”? You know what they’re talking about, right? Her completely ridiculous and embarrassing appearance on Leverage! She’s a television star now!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

These are some new photos of George Clooney in LA yesterday, riding around on his motorcycle with his (boy)friend. Clooney has been in LA for a little while now, which comes as a surprise to me – I thought he was back in Italy, having crazy, kinky sex with Elisabetta Canalis, something involving whips and handcuffs and broken bones. But no, they’re in LA. People Magazine even had a friendly little piece of PR about the couple that sounds like it came from Elisabetta:

George Clooney and girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis enjoyed a low-key date night at Studio City’s Chi Dynasty. The pair walked in holding hands, and once seated, shared lettuce cups, egg rolls, chow mein and orange chicken, as well as some chardonnay and sake. “They laughed a lot throughout their meal, and continued holding hands,” a source tells PEOPLE, adding that Clooney was “a great tipper.”

[From People]

When I read “They laughed a lot throughout their meal, and continued holding hands,” I thought for sure the source was Canalis. Then when I read that Clooney is a “great tipper” I knew for sure that it was Canalis!

Seriously, how much does Clooney look like the poster boy for midlife crisis on this bike?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

How is Elisabetta Canalis able to hold on for so long? I was just thinking about her the other day – wondering why we hadn’t heard anything from her recently. It looks like she was biding her time, waiting patiently, doing filthy things to George Clooney in the privacy of their Chamber of Doom and Whips. The event was The Human Rights Ripple of Hope Awards – Clooney got an award for his work in Sudan, and his total activism and advocacy, I would imagine.

George Clooney was pleased to hear Ryan Reynolds is PEOPLE’s Sexiest Man Alive this year – or perhaps more accurately, he’s relieved it isn’t someone else.

“I’m very happy for him,” Clooney said graciously at a humanitarian awards dinner in New York on Wednesday. He then added, jokingly: “I’m also happy that it’s not Brad [Pitt].”

Clooney and Pitt are both multiple winners of the award – the former in 1997 and 2006, the latter in 1995 and 2000.

Clooney, 49, who is active in humanitarian causes, was on hand at Chelsea Piers to accept a different honor: the Ripple of Hope Award at the Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice and Human Rights awards dinner.

“It’s really a lovely thing,” the Oscar winner said of the recognition. “I feel over-honored, but I’m happy to be able to do it to bring attention to a lot of other people here.”

It was a family affair, as Clooney was accompanied by his father, Nick Clooney, as well as his girlfriend, Italian TV host Elisabetta Canalis, 32.

Given the actor’s popularity and interest in politics, running for president wouldn’t seem out of the question. Asked why he hasn’t yet, Clooney joked, “Because I don’t have the ties for it.”

[From People]

George might have taken home an award, but it’s Eli who gets the prize – she’s clung to him longer than most women. She has hidden talents (truly, HIDDEN, because she’s an awful actress), and she’s been able to parlay that crap into the kind of legitimacy most of Clooney’s hookers only dream of. And look at her face – she knows she’s awesome. That’s the kind of SmugFace Kate Bosworth would kill to wear.

Last week, the Today Show’s Ann Curry began tweeting photos of her trip to Sudan with George Clooney. She and George and a group of people were traveling either with or in tandem with a group from the UN Security Council – they were checking in with the Southern province of Sudan, which will soon have a vote on their independence. It’s a situation where everything could very easily go wrong, and there could be mass casualties. Clooney is trying to bring awareness to the situation, and this morning Ann had her formal interview with Cloons. He was shilling his new site, Sudan Action Now, amongst other things.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

He’s handsome and has a heart – what can’t this guy do?

With Sudan again spiraling toward civil war, George Clooney is calling for aggressive diplomacy to avoid another potential genocide in the Darfur region.

“I think it can be stopped,” the Oscar-winning actor and director said Tuesday on NBC’s Today show. “We stopped [the previous Darfur conflict] in 2005 with diplomacy. We didn’t stop it with soldiers. So, yes, if we get involved now, we have a shot.”

Clooney, 49, who traveled in Sudan recently, says there’s an overwhelming consensus that Darfur is primed to explode – you don’t have to take his word for it.

“It doesn’t matter what I believe, because obviously I’m an actor,” he says. “The Secretary of State said it’s a ticking time bomb. The CIA said this is the next genocide if we’re not careful – it is the biggest risk. The president has said as much.”

He adds: “Everyone acknowledges that this is what is going to take place if someone doesn’t moderate and mediate. … I’m just trying to say it as loud as possible.”

Clooney has set up a Web site, SudanActionNow.org, to continue his call for intervention.

[From People]

God, just what this area needs – another refugee crisis and more political instability. I’m glad Clooney is using his star power to bring attention to it. I just wonder if people’s reaction to this would be completely different if it was Angelina Jolie.

This one is too easy (just like Elisabetta). The National Enquirer claims that Elisabetta is pulling the dumbest move in the book – issuing a marriage ultimatum to George. But you never know, George Clooney does happen to like women who aren’t the brightest bulbs. Maybe Eli would do this – after all, the sources claim she’s not really asking for the ring, she just wants the “promise” of a ring. That’s probably why she keeps putting on napkin rings and posing for the paparazzi. Damn… Clooney hooked himself another winner, right?

George Clooney has received a “marriage ultimatum” from his gorgeous girlfriend Elisabetta – and pals say the freedom-loving bachelor may finally take the bait!

“George prizes his bachelorhood like it’s all the gold in Fort Knox, but that’s got to change if he wants to keep Elisabetta,” a friend told the Enquirer. “She told him she wants ‘a promise’ that they will marry and have a future together.”

George and Eli have been dating for nearly 14 months, and Eli recently made it clear she’s not going to wait much longer for a husband and a family, disclosed the pal.

“She’s been having major talks with George about their future. She doesn’t want to be arm candy for him indefinitely – of she’ll bolt.” [Editor’s note: Chuckle.]

Clooney recently spoke about his past long-term relationships, saying, “I have had long relationships with women and they get bored with me working all the time. My fear is that I would make a lousy husband.” But insiders say Clooney has fallen hard for Eli – and that as he nears age 50, he realizes it’s time to settle down.

“I’ve never seen George so in love – I’m sure he doesn’t want to lose her because he has terminal cold feet,” said his friend. “He sees how his buddies Brad Pitt and Matt Damon have families and how much it’s enriched their lives. It starts not to be so scary for George.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

My new favorite line is, “She doesn’t want to be arm candy for him indefinitely – of she’ll bolt.” Bolt like a startled deer. I imagine Eli’s eyes getting wide, then running like hell out of Clooney’s Como estate. Also, isn’t “arm candy” basically Eli’s only job? I know she thinks she’s a model and an actress, but her “acting” blows, and her modeling is worse than Kat-Face Kardashian’s. “Arm candy” is her only career success.

But yeah, I don’t think Eli would pull this move. She’s not that bright, but this is the kind of dumb move Sarah Larson would pull.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

George Clooney is in the midst of another trip to Sudan. He has been to the area… I believe this is his third trip? Clooney went with a team of people including NBC’s Ann Curry. They traveled not to the refugee camps in the western part of Sudan, where the Janjawid have carried out a systemic pattern of rape and genocide, but to Southern Sudan, where a vote determining the area’s independence is going to be held in several months. Southern Sudan has seen much of the same campaign of genocide, the genocide has become synonymous with “Darfur” – the western-most province. These photos were tweeted by Ann Curry.

American actor George Clooney is visiting the little known region of Southern Sudan. The U.N. Security Council arrived to a raucous welcome on Wednesday, and the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum also made a recent trip here.

The high-level visits are putting the spotlight on the Texas-sized area of Sudan that is far less known to Americans than the western region of Darfur, where mass atrocities have been committed over the last decade. Southern Sudan is three months from a Jan. 9 independence vote that could see Africa’s largest country break in two. The vote — and the potential of a new north-south war because of it — are the reason behind the rash of visits.

“If you knew a tsunami, or Katrina or a Haiti earthquake was coming, what would you do to save people?” Clooney said, according to a blog post by Ann Curry, a reporter for NBC who is accompanying Clooney.

Clooney spent the past week traveling to remote, conflict-prone areas of Sudan’s south with John Prendergast, the founder of the Enough Project, an anti-genocide advocacy group. One photo posted by Curry showed Clooney pointing over a field that Curry wrote was the site of a mass grave from 2008. That was in Abyei, a town that was largely burned to the ground after southern and northern armies clashed there, prompting an estimated 60,000 people to flee. The U.N. reported at the time that at least 140 people died.

Clooney, who declined a request for comment, also visited the town of Malakal, where elements of Sudan’s northern and southern armies have clashed twice since the end of the 21-year north-south civil war in 2005.

The group of Americans also talked to villagers in Lul, an area where Human Rights Watch recently documented killings and rapes by southern soldiers against civilians who opposed the ruling Sudan People’s Liberation Movement.

When the U.N. Security Council arrived Wednesday, school children lined the streets and hundreds of people at the airport chanted a greeting to America’s U.N. ambassador, Susan Rice. The group also chanted “Welcome, welcome ICC,” a reference to the International Criminal Court that has indicted Sudan’s president for war crimes in the western region of Darfur. Rice is known for her hardline views on how the U.S. should deal with the northern government, which is headed by President Omar al-Bashir.

The Security Council plans to meet with Southern Sudan President Salva Kiir but will not meet with al-Bashir. Members will also assess preparations for the Jan. 9 independence vote in Southern Sudan and a separate vote that day in the oil-rich region of Abyei.

Officials from the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington spent two weeks in Southern Sudan to assess the likelihood that mass violence will break out following the January vote. Mike Abramowitz, the director of genocide prevention at the museum, said “the next year is a very dangerous time for the civilians in Sudan.”

“It is very hard to predict genocide. However, there are warning signs, many of which are present in Sudan,” Abramowitz told The Associated Press last weekend. “Today there is an opportunity to avoid calamity, with sufficient international focus and pressure brought to bear on both southern and — particularly — northern leaders.”

In a speech last week, Kiir said that he and his people have experienced “the anguish of war” and do not want to return to conflict.

[From The Associated Press via HuffPo]

You learn something new everyday – I was completely unaware of this issue. The issue of the vote, that is. I was very aware of the genocide. I also find it interesting that Clooney’s trip is being bracketed with the trip for the UN Security Council. Of course, I also find it interesting that Elisabetta Canalis didn’t come along. I’m a gossip, after all.

Photos courtesy of Ann Curry’s Twitter.