As everyone predicted, the production of Lifetime’s Liz & Dick is an unmitigated disaster. All of us knew it would be, and it’s nice that Lindsay Lohan shows consistency in one thing: being an inconsistent, cracked-out trainwreck of a human being. I believe the entire shoot of Liz & Dick was supposed to consist of about four or five weeks of filming. Barely two weeks had gone by before Lindsay 1) flashed her nips for the scores of paparazzi she had invited to the set, 2) drove herself around in violation of the terms of her insurance policy, 3) Got into a cracked-out accident that was completely her fault, 4) Lied to the police about the accident, which alone could trigger a violation of her probation, 5) Attempted to call in sick because she had been partying so hard, only to have the producers call her out and send doctors and an ambulance, 6) Lied AGAIN about her schedule and how hard she‘s been working. And that’s just the stuff we know about, you know?

So, a few days ago Deadline reported that the unions are now getting involved after Lindsay made her cracked-out claims of working “85 hours in 4 days”. The union investigations found that the average week consisted of 70-75 hours of work spread out over five or six days, and that’s just for the non-actors. Besides all of that, people involved with the production have now started running to the tabloids to complain about Lindsay’s crackie work ethic, her temper tantrums and her diva behavior. Oh, and her “Dick” hates her too:

Word from the set of ‘Liz & Dick’ is that Lindsay Lohan is clashing with her costar Grant Bowler. Apparently, she was biased against Grant from the beginning, having delusionally believed her own star power was worthy of leading men like Gerard Butler, Robert Downey Jr., Mark Wahlberg and even Brad Pitt.

Consequently, she’s been so mean to Grant that her comeback is in jeopardy.

“The crew is fed up with Lindsay because they have to spend so much time dealing with her diva antics and, in turn, trying to soothe Grant’s battered ego,” says our source.

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Poor Grant Bowler. You know he had no idea what he was in for when he signed up for this mess. The Enquirer had a bitchy story too:

Lindsay Lohan has been a nightmare on the set of ‘Liz & Dick’ and everyone is working round-the-clock to finish the film before she self-destructs, sources say. Lohan is often late, can’t concentrate and flubs her lines, insiders say.

“Most days she shows up two hours late and she rarely knows her lines. A production assistant has to feed them to her,” said a set insider. “She’s completely unfocused and she keeps running over to the director, but he doesn’t have a clue how to handle her. The footage so far has been just awful.”

Meanwhile, the film’s producer Larry A. Thompson is trying to keep his concerns in check, said the insider.

“He had a hell of a time obtaining insurance for the shoot and is on tenderhooks every day that something is going to happen to Lindsay,” explained the insider. “If that’s the case, they’ll have to shut down the production!”

The producer said he was forced to buy pricey insurance for Lindsay since she’s done five different stints in drug rehab. Filmmakers cringed when Lindsay slammed her Porsche into a truck on June 8, and the accident is being investigated and it could lead to her probation being revoked.

Said the insider: “If the judge rules that she violated her parole and sends her to jail, Lifetime is looking at a $5 to $6 million washout.”

[From The Enquirer, print edition]

So… she’s hours late to the set, she’s too crackie to learn her lines and she basically just wanders around, strung out or high. And shockingly, “The footage so far has been just awful.” Yes, that’s something we aren’t talking about enough – even if you get past all of the stories about the Cracken being such a mess and such a disaster, it’s not like anyone can say “But it’s worth it because she’s putting all of the good stuff on the screen.” She’s not. The TV movie is going to suck too. Oh, well. We tried warning you, Lifetime. When you lay down with crackie dogs… you wake up with crackheads.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet, Lifetime and PCN.

Our long national nightmare is over. Lindsay Lohan finally found her Dick. Literally. After rejecting all of our splendid casting suggestions (Wilmer, Charlie Sheen), and rejecting all of the Lifetime-approved casting suggestions, Lindsay Lohan has finally found an actor she thinks is capable of playing Richard Burton to her cracked-out Elizabeth Taylor. So, who is this outstanding, quality, A-list actor? Clive Owen? Sir Ian McKellen? Not so much. Lindsay’s Dick is just some Aussie dude.

After an extensive search, Grant Bowler (True Blood) has been set to star opposite Lindsay Lohan in Lifetime‘s biopic Liz & Dick, playing Hollywood great Richard Burton. The biopic chronicles the enduring love of movie icons Taylor (Lohan) and Burton (Bowler), whose fiery romance was the most notorious, publicized and celebrated love affair of its day.

The casting comes only 10 days before Liz & Dick is scheduled to begin filming — on June 4 — after the movie’s executive producer Larry A. Thompson and Lifetime had auditioned “many actors on just about any continent,” Thompson said. He noted that the hope was to try and find an actor who, like Burton, is Welsh, but New Zealander Bowler wowed them with his tape.

“Grant will add gravitas to our couple and bring to life one of the greatest actors who has ever lived,” Thompson said. “Burton was a Welsh poet, a rascal, and a man’s man, who swept Elizabeth Taylor off her feet and flew her so close to the sun that they both exploded into stardust that still lights up Hollywood.”

Grant’s casting was sealed today after he did a reading with Lohan at the network.

“The chemistry erupted in the room,” said Thompson said, calling Taylor and Burton “the first Hollywood royal couple, the first Brangelina.”

[From Deadline]

This poor man. Did anyone else feel a wave of sympathy for poor Grant Bowler? I wonder if he’ll even be able to get any work after Liz & Dick airs. Of course, that’s presuming so, so much. Even though production is supposed to start within two weeks, I have my doubts as to A) whether Lindsay will actually be focused and sober enough to begin production, B) whether she’ll be able to work throughout the production, considering she’ll probably be “celebrating” her return to Hollywood with nightly crack-fests and C) whether poor Grant Bowler will run away from this production screaming once he realizes that he has to “seduce” THE CRACKEN.

Here’s poor Grant Bowler. If he ends up “dating” Lindsay Lohan… well, then maybe I’ll stop pitying him.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.