This video is the craziest thing I’ve seen in a while. Apparently, there’s this Italian talk-comedy-tabloid show, La Iene, and they decided to organize a sexual assault on David Beckham. They literally sent this woman out to Beckham’s hotel or wherever, where he was signing autographs and talking to journalists in the street, and the show filmed this woman grabbing Beckham’s Goldenballs. It’s crazy. And Beckham doesn’t like having the Goldenballs groped, either. I didn’t know Becks had a “I’ll cut you bitch” face, but he does. Props to him.

Italian comedy show La Iene however, saw no problem with committing sexual assault on England’s sexiest ever man, after Becks became the victim of a daft stunt involving a presenter groping his Goldenballs.

Wearing marigolds [Americas: rubber gloves] (we do not appreciate any suggestion that David’s genitals are somehow unclean), Elena Di Cioccio made a grab for Beck’s bollocks to see whether he had been on the receiving end of any computer-based c-ck enhancement for the old Armani pics in a segment that translates as ‘testing the small peas’.

Becks was quickly hurried away by his peeps, looking pretty terrified/hacked off/certainly not aroused.

Her technique was obv not up to scratch.

If/when paddling in the puddle of celebritydom finally sends us loopy and induces us to make aggressive sexual approaches on the famous, no doubt the celeb on the other end will be more than happy. Or are we just kidding ourselves again that Becks would want a piece of us?

[From 3 AM UK]

I can’t even imagine if someone did the equivalent to me. Just walked up to me and grabbed my breast with some rubber-gloved hand? Oh, I would smack that person. That person would lose a hand. That being said, I’ve never really felt anything for Becks, but I would like to see/touch his Goldenballs. Just because they’re so famous, and I am curious. I wonder if they sparkle?

Dr. Phil is being sued but a woman who claims he brainwashed and groped her. There are a couple of ways to handle this story. We could try the tabloid, National Enquirer way (“Dr. Phil Sex Shocker”) or we try the we-always-side-with-celebrities way, like People Magazine (“Dr. Phil Slapped with Bizarre Brainwashing Lawsuit”). Let’s try to take Dr. Phil’s side for a brief moment, and go along with People that the woman is a wingnut. People makes a good case for it:

A woman has filed a lawsuit in Los Angeles Superior Court against Dr. Phil McGraw, two producers and another doctor in what she alleges is a case of false imprisonment, practicing without a license, indecent exposure, battery, fraud and more.

Shirley Rae Dieu, 56, of Irvine, Calif., claims she was seeking therapy from Dr. Phil in his Hollywood office in 2007 when she allegedly was held captive and “forced to be in the same room with a completely live naked man while he exposed his entire naked body, genitals and all,” according to her filing.

Dieu further alleges she was deprived of sleep and food, “brainwashed” and “subjected to edited tapings depicting her as a different personality other than her own.” On Oct. 9, 2007, she claims Dr. Phil touched her left breast during a therapy session.

Representatives for McGraw did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

“[Dr. Phil] is nothing like what he’s like on TV,” Dieu told PEOPLE by phone, adding that another woman will be joining her suit. “You have no idea what I and this other woman went through.”

It’s unclear how much she is seeking in damages but Dieu – who filed a malpractice suit against an Orange County hospital in 2002 and sued a car dealership in 2007 – is acting as her own attorney, and her filing is filled with misspellings and grammatical errors. Records also show she filed for bankruptcy in May 2008.

This is not the first time someone has tried to haul Dr. Phil, 59, into court. In 2006, he was sued by two men who claimed he implied they were suspects in the Natalee Holloway case. In 2005, he was sued by three consumers of a diet pill he endorsed.

[From People]

Well, when they put it that way, how could I not think the woman is a wingnut? But let’s hear the wingnut out! The Enquirer has a few more details on just what Shirley Rae Dieu is alleging. Dieu is also claiming that Dr. Phil held her “captive” and that when she tried to escape, she “was blocked by the staff to prevent her from leaving.” And that’s about it. It’s a weird lawsuit, and I bet it’s bullsh-t for the most part. I hate that I’m taking Dr. Phil’s side, though. I think that man’s an asshat, and I wouldn’t past him to sexually harass, grope, fondle or act inappropriately with his patients or his coworkers. He looks like that kind of guy.

Here’s Dr. Phil with wife Robin attending ‘A Night of Honour’ which benefits The Iraq Star Foundation in Universal City, California on Sunday. Images thanks to WENN.com .

There are some people that I really don’t want to acknowledge having a private life. Former school teachers. Bus drivers. Politicians. Really anyone I was introduced to before the age of 23. Seeing them as anything other than wholesome, one-dimensional people really freaks me out. And while I’ve never met Kevin Spacey, seeing him as anything other than a guy who’s super into acting (and may have some vague private proclivities of his own) really messes with my head. I have no ability to imagine him as anything other than one of his characters.

So I’m going to assume he was just playing a really unusual, sexually vivacious guy the other night. It was research for a role, and right after this he’s going to play some sexually pent-up father. But probably not. Spacey was spotted (and very clearly photographed) at a party in Croatia a few nights ago where he pulled down another guy’s pants and groped him.

KEVIN SPACEY shocked revellers at a wild party in Croatia when he pulled a male pal’s trousers down and groped his buttocks.

The American Beauty star was snapped on holiday in Hvar getting to grips with the bare butt as his friend lay across his lap.

An onlooker said: “Kevin looked like he was a having a brilliant time.

“Most of his friends were laughing, but I couldn’t see the face of the man whose butt it was.”

In 2004, the Oscar-winning actor – who’s also Artistic Director at London’s Old Vic theatre – sparked speculation into his private life after claiming he was mugged while walking his dog on Clapham Common at 4am.

[From the Sun]

Okay before you get all judgy, who amongst us can honestly say he or she hasn’t yanked down a guy’s pants and played a little grabity? Damn near all of you, and don’t think for a second I don’t know it. To be fair, we really can’t see the face of the guy being fondled, but his butt doesn’t seem upset or anything. I have a degree in criminology and I can state as an absolute almost-professional opinion that it appears everyone involved was totally alright with this. Though I will admit they probably didn’t want the pictures ending up on the internet. At least Kevin Spacey didn’t.

We can’t post the pictures here, but you can see them on Mr. Paparazzi’s site. I probably don’t have to state this, but the naked guy’s butt is NSFW, depending on the laxity of your internet guys.

Here’s Kevin Spacey on set of his new movie (WENN notes he’s “with a double chin”) in L.A. on July 15th. Images thanks to WENN.