Comedian Dane Cook’s landlord is trying to evict him for basically never cleaning up his miniature pinscher’s poop from the common areas of his West Hollywood apartment complex. Both Cook and his girlfriend have been warned multiple times and put on notice by their neighbors and the landlord, who was forced to start eviction proceedings when they continually refused to pick up their dog’s nasty presents. There are even “no dog poop” signs right on the yard where Cook was letting his dog defecate without apparently picking up a single pile. The case has now gone to trial, where it will be decided by jury.

Cook’s lawyer questioned potential jurors ahead of the trial, trying to weed out people who have the crazy idea that it’s grosser to step in dog poop than some minty gum:

Cook’s landlord has gone to court, trying to get the “comedian” evicted because his dog habitually craps in the public areas of the apartment building. Dane’s lawyer is asking prospective jurors a number of revealing questions, including:

- What’s worse. Stepping in gum or stepping in dog poop?
- If you live next to a park and saw dog poop, would you avoid that park?
- Would you confront someone about spitting out gum on the sidewalk or not picking up dog poop in a public place?
- Would you confront a neighbor about picking up after their dog?

From TMZ

There is no way the defense would pick me for that jury. My husband and I recently moved to Berlin and after a few months I’m still steamed nearly every day when I encounter piles of dog crap on the sidewalk. I was practically screaming when my son got out of the car yesterday and almost stepped in a pile. It is socially acceptable to let your dog crap on the sidewalk here and I have stepped in sh&t more in the few months I’ve lived here than my entire life leading up to this point. I now carry plastic lunch bags in my purses and pick up the crap when I go for a walk it’s near my house and my family is likely to step in it, but it’s hard to avoid it when you’re on a bike. (For the record this is a lovely city and I really like the people and all the great things to do here. I would highly recommend you visit. This is a major pet peeve of mine, though, and the main thing that distracts from an otherwise wonderful place for me.)

TMZ also reports that the jury is due to see a video of Cook’s squatting dog, aptly named “Beast,” which will prove beyond a doubt that he’s the owner who is irresponsibly leaving bacteria bombs all over the lawn. Cook should get his unfunny ass evicted, and he should be forced to pay a fine to the neighbors he’s inconvenienced during the time he’s lived there. Cook could potentially use this experience for material for his mostly plagiarized routine, but Louis CK (link leads to video) probably cleans up after his dog.

Holy grossness. I have heard some weird things in my day, but this absolutely takes the cake. N.E.R.D singer/rapper/producer Pharrell Williams has told the Mirror that he doesn’t like his old tattoos. Nearly every inch of his body is covered, and he seems to find some of it juvenile. Not tattoos as a concept, but the art he’s chosen. So what’s a guy to do? Have major laser tattoo removal? Why do that when you can have someone GROW SOME NEW SKIN for you. Yes I had to write it in caps, because that’s the hysterical/freaked out tone in which I say it.

Laser tattoo removal? That’s so yesterday, according to Pharrell Williams. The hotshot rapper and producer has decided to have new skin grown in a test tube just so that he can change his tats. Williams says he’s prepared to drop hundreds of thousands of dollars on the space age technology to get rid of his current crop of tattoos.

“There’s an institute called the Wake Forest Institute in North Carolina for Regenerative Skin Treatment,” he told Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper. “It’s going to be pricey, but … it’s worth it. I got fire on my arms, I don’t need fire on my arms! I’m a grown man.”

Explaining how the icky-sounding process works, Williams said, “It’s basically like getting a skin graft, but you’re not taking skin from your a– or legs - these guys actually grow the skin for you.” Contemplating his new blank canvas, he added, “When it has healed you can go get whatever tattoo you want.”

[From the Daily News]

Raise your hand if you’re totally and completely freaked out. Oh good, I see it’s all of you. I cannot even put words to this. It’s not offensive or anything, but I have this really gross mental image of a Petri dish with a hunk of skin growing on it. And somehow the thought of skin that’s not attached to a body is just too much for me to wrap my brain around.

Pharrell is clearly willing to go to some pretty extreme measures to start fresh. I can sorta understand why this idea might be appealing, as laser tattoo removal still leaves a visible scar. I don’t know much about it, but I can imagine it’d be a huge pain to do for someone who’s as heavily tattooed as Pharrell says he is. But I can’t imagine having new skin put on would feel a whole lot better. I thought about looking it up to find out, but I am way, way, way too afraid there might be pictures. So I’ll assume it’s safe to say Pharrell is really serious if he’s willing to go through all this.

Here’s Pharrell Williams with N.E.R.D with performing live at Roter Salon in Berlin on June 27th. I don’t think he’s all that tattooed – personally I’d move on to the chest before I’d start slapping on new skin. Images thanks to WENN.

Let me preface this story by saying it’s probably not true that Jeremy Piven actually put cat urine on his head. The source is Star Magazine, and while it may be accurate that he’s trying to stave off baldness it’s up to question whether he went to the extreme of applying cat urine to his scalp. Since it’s asswipe Jeremy Piven we’re talking about, I’ll give Star the benefit of the doubt.

Jeremy Piven, 42, revealed his insecurities about going bald (again?) to a friend and told her that he has tried absolutely everything! “He has experimented with all sorts of folklore remedies, like cat urine and bee pollen, as well as all the organic hair restoration formulas,” the source says. “He had literally 30 types of hair vitamins in his bathroom. It looks like a pharmacy in there.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, May 5, 2008]

Star probably figured, “what the hell, it’s Jeremy Piven, he could have done this,” and that’s pretty much my opinion on it too.

It was hard to google to find out more about this supposed cat urine homeopathic balding treatment, because most of the results had to do with balding in house cats. Balding Blog has a Q&A with a doctor about washing your hair in urine - the human type, not the cat type, which somehow sounds less disgusting. The doctor points to a site that claims that heated urine mixed with potato and sulphur powder is a treatment for hair loss. Instead of trying such drastic remedies, a consultation with a medical professional is recommended.

As a woman who finds balding men sexy, I would suggest that if you’re a guy with a decent-shaped head you may as well shave it off or cut it super short. Balding is a sign of virility and men seem to be more worried about it than necessary. In Piven’s case, he probably has some sort of artificial hair coverage going on. Even if he did proudly shave his head there’s no compensating for that obnoxious personality.

Jeremy Piven is shown at the Broadway premiere of “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” on 3/8/08, thanks to WENN.

I used to think that Demi Moore was so lucky to have landed a hot piece of ass like Ashton Kutcher, particularly after being married to Bruce Willis. Now it seems like he should be grateful to have found someone who will tolerate him and his strange habits. He recently revealed that he likes to pee outside practically everywhere, and as a mother of toddlers it sounds to me like he needs toilet training.

The Dude, Where’s My Car? funnyman admits he likes to join his dogs when they empty their bladders in the morning outside the home he shares with his wife Demi Moore.

And he blames his weird toilet habit on his desire to bond with the earth and feel like a “caveman”.
He says, “I pee outside, outside my house, in my yard. I usually start off my day by taking my dogs out. While they go, I go.

“That’s probably my least appealing habit. I just feel like I’m connecting with nature, I bond and feel like caveman. Man, tents, cave, pee, bush.”

Contact Music

The tabloids have been speculating that Demi Moore would like to have a baby with husband Ashton, but I think they’re wrong – after three girls, she must be terrified of having a boy that takes as long to get out of nappies as his father.

She might also be worried that the child inherits its father’s webbed feet.

The What Happens in Vegas star took his socks and shoes off on Friday Night With Jonathon Ross to confirm he has abnormal toes.

He said: “I have slightly webbed toes. When everything else is this good-looking, something has to give!”

stuff.co.nz

Actually, everybody starts out with webbed toes in utero and they come apart as the baby develops, so its very common to have webbed feet, but I don’t really feel like cutting Ashton any slack today.

Last month he revealed his first sexual experience was awful.

He said: ‘It was out in the woods and it was horrible. It was a girl I’d just met who my buddy set me up with. The whole thing lasted like two seconds. It was really awkward. Two years later, I had sex with her again just to show her that the first performance was a fluke and I’d got much better.’

Metro

Okay, so that little revelation refers to a time in the distant past, and we can only assume that he has improved sexually. Why else would Demi put up with his creepy webbed toes and antisocial toileting habits?

Just in case you weren’t sure that he is indeed not a desirable man, here’s a little article he wrote for Harper’s Bazaar, where he manages to come off like a total dick in his list of things that make a woman attractive. Here’s a snippet: “Women who wear big blingin’ stones don’t look like they have a lot of money; they look like they have a lot of someone else’s money.”

Ashton, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but women earn their own money now, some of them even get paid more than men.

Pete Doherty sure is going to have one heck of a messy life to clean up when he gets out of jail in a few weeks. The Mirror is reporting that Pete is thousands of dollars in debt to all sorts of people, including his dealers and his landlord. Both have (not surprisingly) gotten fed up with Pete. The landlord stopped by to check on the nine bedroom country estate, only to find that it had been trashed. Pete had sprayed human blood all over the place, had scrawled on the walls, and had abandoned his nine cats there.

Popping over to check on the place the landlord was horrified to find that his beautiful country pad had become a stinking hovel. The walls, floor and even some of the windows have been daubed with human blood. And we’re told the stench from his abandoned nine cats is so strong it would turn the strongest stomach. After taking one look at the carnage, the landlord canceled Doherty’s tenancy.

A close source says: “Pete is homeless, broke and owes thousands to dealers. He destroyed the place by scribbling on the walls, the floor, anywhere he felt like it. The beautiful heavy curtains were ripped down and the cats are just running around abandoned. It’s a really pathetic state of affairs. No one in their right mind is going to rent him a property after what he did.” The junkie has been receiving threats from out-of-pocket dealers while he’s been inside Wormwood Scrubs [prison], and things aren’t going to get any better for him when he’s released next month.

[From the Mirror]

Pete’s old friends and dealers have also been stopping by the country estate and taking his things to sell in an attempt to collect some of the money he owes them. The Mirror tries to make it sound like they’re taking advantage of Pete, but considering they also state they’re just doing it to make back some of the money they’re owed, it doesn’t sound that out of line.

The friends and dealers probably aren’t going about it in a legal manner, but considering the other things dealers are known to do to get their money, Pete’s probably pretty damn lucky. Something tells me that all of this isn’t going to make it any easier for Pete Doherty to get back on his feet. But let’s be honest, it’s not like there’s any reason to believe he was going to pull it all together at this point.

The main reason I’m covering this story is so I can complain about my hoity toity neighbors and their tiny dogs leaving crap on the grass next to the sidewalk for my husband and me to step in before we get into the car. I live in Berlin and people rarely clean up after their dogs here. It’s been about four months since I moved here and I’ve stepped in dog crap twice as compared to that same number of times in the years leading up to this point. It’s the best place I’ve lived in a lot of ways, but the random scheisse surprises really bring it down a few notches.

So if I thought Dane Cook was an unfunny plagiarist before, I now have a more personal reason to dislike him: he doesn’t clean up after his dog. In fact his neighbors put him on notice to do it, and he still left dog crap on the ground. So they got it on tape and are taking him to court.

Cook is at war with the owners of the West Hollywood apartment complex where he lives for not picking up after his dog, Beast. “Neither he nor his girl friend pick up after the dog,” said a source. “They’ve sent him three notices so far over the last year warning him he’ll be evicted, and they have video. The neighbors all hate him.” The landlord has now filed a complaint in court. “Dane vigorously denies the allegations in the complaint and is looking forward to complete vindication through the legal proceedings,” said his rep Ina Treciokas. Another source said “a number of witnesses” will come for ward to speak on Cook’s behalf if the case goes to trial.

[From the NY Post]

In Germany plastic bags cost like .20 a piece, so you can see people being cheap about carrying them around to clean up, but they’re free in America so you don’t even have that lame excuse. You’re also considered a social pariah in America if you don’t clean up after your dog, and many people do it out of obligation, but not Cook. He doesn’t seem to have moral compass required to actually care if he steals from some and majorly inconveniences others. Maybe it will matter to him once he gets kicked out of his apartment.

Dane Cook is shown at the “Fun Fearless Male of the Year” awards on 3/3/08, thanks to PRPhotos.

Photo is from December, 2007 and was not taken during the incident in question
Keanu Reeves pulled a Clay Aiken while dining alone in an expensive Vancouver restaurant. The millionaire actor took off his shoes and socks at the table to the horror of his fellow diners. A nearby couple scolded Reeves for ruining their romantic dinner with his rank feet, but unlike Aiken, Reeves was apologetic and left shortly afterwards:

Dining solo at a ritzy Vancouver restaurant, sleepy-eyed Keanu Reeves - slurping down oysters on the half shell with red wine - looked more homeless than hunky when he suddenly kicked off his scuffed shoes, pulled off his holey socks - then stretched and flexed his hairy toes as horrified diners gagged! After a few phee-eww moments, a man sitting nearby jumped up and said: “I don’t care who you are - this is totally unacceptable behavior. I’ve paid a lot of money to eat here, and my wife and I don’t want to look at your bare feet!” Keanu apologized, saying he had cramps in his toes and needed to stretch them. “If you don’t put your shoes back on, I’ll call the manager,” snapped the guy. Keanu nodded, slipping on his stuff as he motioned for the check.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, Mike Walker’s column, February 18, 2008]

At least Reeves did the right thing and didn’t make a fuss and apologized, but how did he think it was ok to take off his shoes and socks at dinner in the first place? I hate when people even do that on a plane, I think it’s gross. At least put another pair of socks on over your stinky feet and keep them placed firmly on the ground underneath you.

Reeves will next work on The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, a film by writer-director Rebecca Miller. Miller is the daughter of playwright Arthur Miller and wife of Daniel Day-Lewis. The film also features Robin Wright Penn, Alan Arkin, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Julianne Moore, Winona Ryder and Monica Bellucci. Robin Wright Penn stars as a housewife who has a nervous breakdown and an affair with younger Reeves after she discovers her husband, played by Alan Arkin, was unfaithful. Cinemablend says the plot sounds complicated given all the talent that’s involved. According to IMDB, the film will start shooting in April of this year in Connecticut.

Reeves stars as a police officer dealing with corruption on the force in Street Kings, a crime drama with Hugh Laurie that is out on April 11. It will be his first feature film since The Lake House with Sandra Bullock, which came out in June, 2006. He is currently filming The Day The Earth Stood Still, a remake of the classic 1951 film about alien visitation, which is due out in December of this year.

Keanu Reeves is shown hanging out with a young woman on December 27, 2007 in West Hollywood. It is thought that he was giving her career advice as she was taking notes and they were overheard talking about the movie business. Thanks to Splash News for these photos.

Is conservative radio talk-show host Rush Limbaugh back on painkillers again? Huffington Post is reporting that Limbaugh got a little too up close and personal with Joy Behar, the stand up comedienne and co-host of ABC’s “The View.” At a movie screening in New York, Limbaugh reportedly ‘nuzzled’ with Behar as she was taking off her coat– much to her surprise.

Rush Limbaugh may be dating 31-year old blonde Kathryn Rogers when he is in Florida, but last night in New York he let loose and had a 64-year old redhead on the brain: Joy Behar. On their respective shows this morning, both Regis Philbin and Joy Behar discussed the way Rush (whose escort for the evening was 82-year old Cindy Adams) greeted Joy at last night’s screening of Bob Balaban’s “Bernard and Doris.”

Joy: “All of a sudden this humongous person comes up to me, from the left, a famous person — big guy — and snuggles and nestles my neck. Hello, Joy! And gives me the big kiss….squeezed me to death also.”

Regis had a different spin: “Joy Behar’s face was flushed. She enjoyed it. She LOVED IT!

[From Huffington Post]

The HuffPo posted this video of Joy discussing her unexpected brush with Limbaugh on Friday morning’s episode of “The View.” I can’t read minds, but I wouldn’t say that she “loved it.” In fact, the whole thing seemed like it shocked and embarrassed her.

This would be a most unusual pairing: Limbaugh has been the abrasive voice of conservative talk show radio since the late 1980s. In 2003, the host tearfully admitted, on-air, that he had been abusing prescription pain killers (after the National Enquirer had already reported it). He came under fire recently for his claims that Michael J. Fox was exaggerating his symptoms of Parkinson’s disease for sympathy. Joy Behar is quite vocal about her liberalism, and recently grilled Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul on “The View” about his stance on abortion. Joy claims that after Limbaugh held her in an extended hug and nuzzled her neck, he advised her to “be bold.” “It was the best advice anyone has ever given me,” she said, rolling her eyes. Behar has a live-in boyfriend and has vowed never to marry again.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Remember when Rush kissed Mary Lynn Rajskub of 24?

You’ve probably already seen the pictures of Britney’s period-stained crotch. (Extreme warning with that link, but at least she’s wearing underwear.) I was seriously considering publishing said photos, but everyone advised me against it and I decided to take a pass. It’s hard to tell if it’s a mistake or is deliberate. It’s at least partially her fault for not wearing pants or a longer skirt that would have covered enough to make it hard to notice.

Britney had two X17 photographers over her house in the wee hours of the morning this weekend, and lest you think she was giving them a personal tour of her room ‘o cat of nine tails, her friend Sam Lufti was there too. It was thought that she was trying to make it up to them, as one of the guys was arrested last week and spent the night in jail for a high speed pursuit involving Britney.

While Britney had the other photographers over her house her friend Sam showed them a restraining order she wanted to take out against Adnan, her knight with shining Canon. I was trying to figure out how she could have soured on the British snapper so quickly, and it seems like she stopped hanging out with Adnan once Lufti was back in the picture. People might attribute it to Britney learning that Adnan was selling her out for photos, but she hardly seems to mind and is rumored to call the paps herself. So it seems like Lufti told her that Adnan was bad news and/or Adnan gave her the line about how he needed some “time off” and she decided to make it seem like she was the one who broke it off. Either way, a girl who lets the world see her crotch multiple times including when she’s on her period is no catch no matter how much money her photos are worth. All that’s left for Britney is to take a crap on the street.

Adnan speaks out on the restraining order on his company FinalPixx’s blog and he said he was away at a family funeral all weekend and turned his phone off “out of respect for my family.” Maybe his wife finally put her foot down and/or he needed some time to get his head on straight after too much Britney. He also told TMZ that “everything is fine,” and Britney’s “been in the care of Sam.” Meanwhile Britney went to the dance studio again so at least she’s coping constructively with her supposed frustration.

OK! Magazine has a quote from the LAPD saying that no restraining order was filed, so it seems like it was Sam’s idea and that nothing came of it. Maybe Adnan will be back on the scene or maybe he decided it’s not worth the trouble to deal with Britney at this point.

Here are pics of Britney out at petco with Sam yesterday.

We all have those times where we over share, and really wish we could take it back. Sometimes you’re talking with your girlfriends and you all just get carried away, and the next day you realize they know just how bad your boyfriend is in bed. Sometimes you’re drunk and say a bunch of things to mere acquaintances, and the next day you realize they know just how bad your boyfriend is in bed. But you can normally comfort yourself with the fact that at least it’s just a couple people. Worst case scenario, maybe it’s the whole bar. But it’s generally not a whole arena. Unless you’re Spice Girl Melanie Brown. The girl doesn’t seem to know the difference between sharing an appropriate versus inappropriate detail from her private life.

Spice Girl Melanie Brown has sparked outrage in the U.K. for the second time in a month - by talking about her sex life on stage.

The singer stunned young fans at the band’s U.K. gig in London on Tuesday by informing fans she had “too much clitoral stimulation” over Christmas.

Brown’s statement embarrassed fellow bandmates Geri Halliwell, Melanie Chisholm, Emma Bunton and Victoria Beckham, prompting them to tell her to be quiet.

Brown stunned parents in the crowd at a gig in December by thrusting her head between the legs of a male fan during her solo performance of Lenny Kravitz’s Are You Gonna Go My Way.

[From Starpulse]

I’m guessing the parents that brought their children to the concert weren’t really happy to receive that information. Though to be fair, it’s probably safe to say that most of the audience didn’t really want or need to know that. And I think that most of us – at least those of us that aren’t 17 year old boys – are capable of keeping that level of sex talk to ourselves and maybe a few close friends. The average person is not so desperate to prove they have a love life that they have to talk about their lady bits. I know there’s a lot of free press to shock value, but I can’t imagine that the Spice Girls are this desperate for it.

Picture note by Jaybird: Header image of Mel B and husband Stephen Belafonte on December 18th. Images thanks to Splash Photos.