Christina Aguilera was invited to Etta James’s funeral. I mean, I’m assuming she was invited, and she didn’t just show up and drunkenly hijack the funeral with her screeching. Not only was Christina invited, she performed “At Last” – Etta’s standard and one of her most beloved songs. While Etta’s performances of “At Last” were always sung beautifully and simply, allowing the emotion of the song and singer to come through, Christina treated the song like a drunken vocal exercise, of course, and began scream-singing immediately, like she always does. Like she was up there with an invisible stage full of Divas Live, and Christina wanted to make sure that you only heard her voice. This isn’t a debate about whether or not Christina CAN sing. She can. It’s about HOW she sings, the lack of emotional connection to the song, the “LOOK AT ME, I’M SINGING THE HELL OUT OF THIS SONG, BECAUSE IT‘S ALL ABOUT ME” quality to all of her recent public performances. Here’s Christina’s performance:

Ugh. If you think that was a good version of the song, you need to invest in better quality music.

Incidentally, Christina still managed to create a minor controversy with this performance. No, she didn’t drunkenly flub the lines (like she did when she sang the National Anthem), nor did she drunkenly bust her ass on the stage (like she did at the Grammys). No, people are wondering if Christina might have had some kind of loose-bowel situation during her performance. Gross, I know, but there are photos (which we don’t have access to) – go here to see the closeups at The Blemish. Many seem to think it’s urine, but I’m going to say it’s sweat. Sweat mixed with body makeup, because Christina looks like she just rolls around in a vat of orange foundation.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

CB has been doing most of the coverage of Jennifer Lopez and her facially-challenged boy-toy, Casper Smart, but I just had to chime in when I looked through these photos. These pics are of Jennifer in Miami, doing a “steamy” (oily?) photo shoot with Mario Testino. Casper was at the photo shoot, of course, because he basically has nothing else going on in his life other than following J.Lo around. Paparazzi managed to get lots of photos of Jennifer “posing” for Testino, and in between set-ups, the paparazzi caught all of these “candids” of Jennifer and Fubar.

You know what? I’m kind of done making excuses for her? Even at her worst, I can usually find some love for the diva-monster hurricane that is J.Lo, but Casper is one facially-challenged move too far. I think I would be able to overlook her need to take some young, dumb lover… if only he had actually been attractive. But Jennifer is got young, dumb and fug. And I just don’t see how she’s that bad off? That’s such a massive downgrade, I can’t even start. Like, I don’t even think Kirstie Alley would want Casper. Yet here’s Jennifer, making lovey-dovey faces at this meathead.

By the way, I swallowed my dry heaves and checked out Casper’s Twitter feed, the one he used to defend his love with Jennifer. In one tweet to a friend, he mentions what he’s been doing lately, which is “choreographing” and “been in acting classes.” OH GOD. That’s what’s next, isn’t it? Jennifer is going to get him a job in one of her movies.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

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There was a cheapskate special on Oprah years ago where a man reused paper towels. He would actually hang them up to dry in his kitchen, which begs the question: Why didn’t he just use cloth towels? On another show I saw eons ago, I think it was on Donahue, a woman with a large family gave advice on how to use up the dregs of the jam jar by putting some milk in the near-empty jar, swirling it around, and then pouring the mixture into an ice cube tray to make freezie pops. The audience actually groaned at that one.

I wash and reuse plastic bags sometimes, but usually when I’m in Germany and they’re harder to find. It’s more of a recycling issue for me. (I also bring my own bags to the store.) To save I’ll clip coupons to shop and I use coupons when I go out to eat, but I don’t go crazy with it. (If you ever go to Ruby Tuesday’s in the US you should sign up for their e-mail newsletter as you can save nearly half on your meals there.)

All of that is preface for this story about a dude with a 70s pr0n stache on the new TLC special “Extreme Cheapskates.” In a preview clip, the guy cooks up two goat heads that he bargained with the butcher to buy for around $7. It looks really disgusting, but the environmentalist in me tries to reason that it’s good that he’s using the entire animal. Here’s more:

When times get tough, it’s not unusual for people to start cutting back a bit.

But for one penny-pinching man featured on TLC’s upcoming special “Extreme Cheapskates,” reducing his spending a bit isn’t good enough. No, Jeff Yeager does much more than that. He goes on an all-out weekly fiscal fast several times a year and doesn’t spend a cent of his own hard-earned money.

Instead, during his fasts, Jeff spends only the loose change that he finds around town. And when he does use that money, it’s to buy the cheapest things he needs — including food. This leads to some … umm … uncommon dishes at the dinner table.

“I create my menus around what is least expensive,” Jeff explained in an exclusive clip TLC shared with us. “Not only does that save you a lot of money, but you tend to eat healthier. Like organ meats!”
Mmmm! OK, maybe not. Even Jeff’s wife, Denise, admits that she’s not always a fan of his meals. “Some of the food he eats, I just can’t get myself to … to fathom eating,” she said in the clip.

Like the goat heads Jeff bargained with his local butcher for.

[From Today Show's The Clicker]

If this dude wants to save money he should eat vegetarian. In college we used to eat ramen or pasta for just about every meal. A nice batch of potatoes or some rice and beans (add salsa for taste) are both cheaper and much more palatable than trying to scoop meat out of a head that’s staring at you. Then again, if this guy was just cooking up some farfalle it wouldn’t be newsworthy. This is a stunt for a reality show, and it worked. Also, it seems callous to showcase people who are just cheap when so many people are truly struggling, but that’s TLC for you. Maybe these people are struggling and TLC is just choosing to go with the “cheapskate” angle.

Oh I have to give a shout out to this 96 year-old lady on YouTube that shares simple inexpensive recipes she learned from her mother during the Great Depression. Her Youtube channel is called Great Depression Cooking and she has a book called Clara’s kitchen. Here’s a recipe for pasta with peas. At about 4:00 she tells an awesome story about people renting their garages to bootleggers in the 20s during prohibition.

Here’s Courtney Stodden at The Grove in Hollywood, trotting around in a bizarre black satin high cut v-neck dress with a beaded waistline. She’s dressed relatively demurely, for her, although she needs to step up her bra game. You can see her bra around the back and sides. Also, her shoes are too small and her toes are hanging over the edge. This must be what Courtney meant when she said she wanted to “bring back the classy beautiful edge of old Hollywood.” This is her warped adolescent idea of classy and beautiful. You might assume that she was going out to an event or formal dinner in this prom dress and stripper heels, but her much older husband wore a knit cap, jeans and a ratty t-shirt with a leather jacket over it. This was all about the photo op, and they were as unapologetic about it as they are about their creepy marriage.

I really hope this means that their reality show, potentially with VH1, is a no-go and they’re getting desperate. Almost all the photo agencies have these pictures and they usually stage exclusives with one agency.

A lot of outlets are running Courtney’s anti-”bullying” YouTube video as if it’s new. She uploaded it on December 12, 2010 and I first watched it right around the time she hit the scene. It’s kind of funny to hear her promote herself and then claim that the people who point out how ridiculous she is are “bullying” and “jealous.”

Meanwhile check out her latest tweets. They’re disgusting eulogies to the holiday with some bible verses interspersed. It’s like holding mass at seedy strip club. She practically described fellating Santa:

My favorite is this one: “Foxy Santa: Your frosty facial goodness completed w/all of your frisky fine fun bags makes me feel erotically flirtatious & festively feisty.” At least she’s literate and knows how to alliterate.

Photo credit: WENN and Fame

This is 17 year-old wonder, Courtney Stodden, going to church with her 51 year-old husband. Her fake boobs are spilling out of her tight, very short dress and she’s wearing silver platform stripper heels. In Courtney’s world this is a totally appropriate outfit to go and worship alongside families and children. At least the pew in front of her will block the view up her skirt. You see that nasty frizzy-haired creature behind her sucking a frappe and making a duck face? That’s her mother, Krista Keller, who is almost single-handedly responsible for both marrying Courtney off to a man older than her own husband, for signing off on Courtney’s obvious surgeries, and for foisting this girl on the public. I reserve most of my ire for this woman.

Here’s a little about Courtney and Doug’s very well photographed outing:

Courtney Stodden ended her holiday weekend Sunday with some quality family time spent at church and the mall.

The aspiring model and actress, 17, was spotted wearing a little black dress and gold platform high heels as she went to a Los Angeles area church with her husband, Doug Hutchison, 51, and mother, Krista Keller.

After the service, the family headed over to do some shopping at The Grove, where it looks like Stodden might have gotten a start on her Christmas purchases — including picking up a little something from Victoria’s Secret.

[From Huffington Post]

Of course Courtney’s Twitter account is still filled with cringe inducing tweets that are alternately disgusting and hilarious. She’s in the holiday spirit and is even trying to word-seduce Santy Claws! “Mr Santa Claus? If I let you seductively slide down my stocking & taste every piece of my candy… will I still be on your naughty list?” Forget her 51 year-old husband, this 17 year-old wants to bag a 550 year-old philanthropist legend. Her mom or dad husband is probably writing these tweets, which makes them all the more despicable.

Have you seen “The Soup’s” parody of this girl? It concludes with “I’m going to be as provocative as my juvenile mind and ridiculously adult body can be until me and the sucker I married have a reality show. Then one night he’ll have a heart attack and die and all that money will be mine in time to make it to my Freshman year at college.” I think The Soup was accurate until they added the college part.

Photo credit: David Tonnessen/Pacific Coast News

Courtney gets a boob ultrasound. Check out the guy at :45!

Courtney Stodden, the now 17 year-old bride, has insisted that her comically oversized breasts are “rill,” and that she hasn’t had any other plastic surgery. It’s pretty obvious from looking at photos of her as a younger teen that she’s had at least a nose job and maybe an eye lift, along with some significant help with her breasts. Courtney is on the Dr. Drew “Lifechangers” show today with her creepy as hell 51 year-old dad husband to “prove” that she hasn’t had any work done. Courtney got a sonogram of her boobs while being taped in front a live, disgusted studio audience. She pursed and licked her lips repeatedly, wearing in a little robe and stripper heels before laying down on the examination table to show that she didn’t have implants. Thankfully, she was covered by a towel although you know she would have preferred to have been hanging out for all to see.

In the clips available on Dr. Drew’s website and TooFab, we get to see Courtney get a sonogram but there’s not final word on whether they found implants. For that you’ll have to tune in to the show today. It’s possible that like Kim Kardshian’s ass she doesn’t have “implants,” but that doesn’t prove much. There’s a procedure involving fat transfer to the breasts that can achieve similar results. The part where the plastic surgeon judges Courtney’s face to see if she’s had work done to it is also cut off before we get to his verdict. He’ll probably say she’s all natural, as she’s insisted. All you have to do is look at old photos of her to see that something is not right with that girl.

Courtney and Doug also share some really inappropriate photos of them at home, romping on the bed while Courtney is of course half dressed. Later Doug defends their love and Courtney explains that they got married because “if we dated, he could get put in jail.” Exactly.

It’s really hard to look away from this train wreck, but I’m still hoping these two don’t score a reality show contract. We know they’re shopping one.

Surgeon examines Courtney’s face.

Doug defends their love. “Why is it wrong or why is it offensive?”

Doug and Courtney share home photos.

Credit to TooFab for that photo above.

Doug Hutchison, 51, and his 17 year-old bride Courtney Stodden shot a segment for Dr. Drew’s groundbreaking show Life Changers, where they discussed their recent ousting from a pumpkin patch. If you haven’t seen the photos yet, they’re here and they will bring the vom to your throat. Anderson Cooper did a hilarious send up of these photos a couple of days ago, in which he mocked her facial expressions and addressed Stodden’s “Halloween Haters.” According to Doug and Courtney, only a handful of moms had a problem with Courtney straddling Doug and sucking face with him at the pumpkin patch while wearing booty shorts, hooker boots and a half top. All the dads and the kids loved her, and some thought she was a slutty pumpkin patch mascot.

n a new interview with Dr. Drew’s show Lifechangers, the Teen Bride and her 51-year-old husband Doug Hutchison defended their visit to the pumpkin patch where she was thrown out for being “too sexy.”

“Courtney was dressed in sort of a Daisy Duke like thing,” Doug told Dr. Drew, and his 17-year-old bride said that it was the moms that didn’t want her there.

“The women were coming up to the manager complaining, because of the kids,” Courtney said in the clip obtained by RadarOnline.com, while dressed in a super sexy hot pink dress that showed off her ample cleavage.

“The dads loved it!” she said about her risqué outfit.

“There were a lot of people there who were enjoying it,” Doug said. “One dad told his little daughter ‘oh look honey they have a pumpkin patch girl this year.’”

Courtney agreed, and said she was the “Pumpkin Patch Princess!”

Courtney and Doug will go into more details about the pumpkin patch incident, along with their unconventional relationship, to Dr. Drew on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers airing Monday, Nov. 7 at 3:00 p.m. ET/PT on The CW.

[From Radar]

The Dr. Drew people sent us this story in an e-mail and I read it while waiting in the pickup line for my kid at school. I was just sitting alone in my car laughing my ass off, and that was before I even saw the video of this interview. These people are absurd.

The Soup did a hilarious send up of Courtney’s tweets this week with two people acting the part of Doug and Courtney recreating the “recipes” she’d shared on Twitter. I can’t find any clips of this online yet, but here’s a link to an earlier segment they did with a Courtney lookalike.

Using the word “PDA” when it comes to Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison is wholly inadequate. I’m sure they were doing something so gross that observers would have preferred eating raw pumpkin guts to having to see them. After I wrote that, I saw the photos and it was just as bad as I assumed. Courtney is wearing the same white boots that the hookers in Berlin wear to stand out. (Really, the prostitutes in Berlin wear white stripper boots just like that. I can’t speak for hookers in other cities as I haven’t really noticed them.) On their own, those shoes can signify a working girl but paired with Daisy Dukes so short half of her ass cheeks are hanging out and a tied-up stomach-baring plaid shirt she just looks like a parody of one. Seventeen year-old Courtney is cartoonish and plastic looking in a way that doesn’t seem human, but when you see her kissing her old husband she looks somehow vulnerable and it’s just disturbing. Others agree with me and complained so much that Courtney and Doug were supposedly asked to leave the pumpkin patch. It wasn’t the same pumpkin patch where all the faux-celebrities go, it was another one with slightly higher standards. I’m sure that Courtney and Doug wanted to make sure only one photo agency got their “exclusive,” since they’re so famous and in-demand. This “kicked out of the pumpkin patch” story could be total bunk for publicity too.

‘Teen bride’ Courtney Stodden and husband Doug Hutchison were tossed from a pumpkin patch in the Santa Clarita Valley over the weekend, after fellow pumpkin prospectors complained the amorous May-December couple had behaved inappropriately at the family-geared venue.

Onlookers also complained that Courtney — wearing Daisy Dukes and a plaid shirt tied to show off her flat belly — was not dressed appropriately for the patch. After Courtney, 17, and Doug, 51, were 86’ed from the patch, they went to a nearby area where Courtney struck some sexy poses for the camera.

Courtney presumably referred to the incident on her Twitter page, writing: “Have a beautifully blessed Sunday! “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” John 7:24″

While Courtney’s parents have pledged their full support to their daughter’s marriage to The Green Mile star, the unlikely duo has raised some eyebrows since going public with their marriage.

[From Radar Online]

How would you explain that to your kid? Most kids wouldn’t realize that girl is just 17, so at least you wouldn’t have to field questions about why she’s kissing her dad. You’d probably try to hide their eyes, or divert them with something else. “Hey look at that pig all cute wallowing in the mud over there!”

Also I love how this girl quotes Bible verses. Do you think she went to church dressed like that?

You know that look you make when you taste something really sour and your bottom lip curls down while you make a uncontrollable grimace? I swear my face has been stuck that way for the ten minutes since I read this article. Well yesterday Courtney Stodden, who just turned 17, stopped by the offices of Radar Online with her new 51 year-old husband, Doug Hutchinson. As is typical for Courtney, she said a lot of suggestive, totally inappropriate and cringe-inducing stuff, only this time she seems to have taken it to the next level. She told Radar (this is your last warning, turn away now if you don’t want to imagine this) that she was “aroused for 24 hours straight” on her wedding night with her old ass husband. Then she claimed that her version of college was learning about his body or something. Do I need to eat a s’more or something sickly sweet to make my face go back to normal? I don’t want to get wrinkles from this.

Teen bride Courtney Stodden and her 51-year-old actor hubby, Doug Hutchison stopped by the offices of RadarOnline.com Thursday for a spellbinding interview.

Fielding probing questions from our readers Courtney gave a no-holds-barred sit-down, dishing on her home life with Doug, what she would study if she went to college (Doug’s body!) and her super sexy wedding night.

“We went to the Chateau in Hollywood it was so beautiful it was a wonderful experience. I was aroused for 24 hours straight,” Courtney, who was a 16-year-old virgin when she married Doug, candidly confessed of their first night together as man and wife.

When asked why she thought people found her and Doug’s union so controversial, Courtney teased: “I think it was because he was 51 and his life is over and I’m just venturing out on mine. I’m here to make the second half of [Doug’s] life a lot better!

One highlight of the Q & A was Courtney’s response when asked what she would study if she wanted to further her education. “I would go to college and study all of Doug,” she laughed. “All of his body, and all the elements within that. What they do and what they still do. It would be a lot of fun.”

At times the 17-year-old sex kitten seemed more like she was posing for Playboy than being interviewed by an entertainment website — pouting provocatively, tossing her abundant blonde mane, and stroking her tanned and toned thighs.

But, when asked what it is about Doug that inspires her, Courtney took no time in getting straight to the point. “He’s cooking for me, cleaning for me, he’s like the wife around the house. He picks up the slack around the house and that’s very inspiring to me,” she said.

At that point Doug interrupted the interview and insisted that he does NOT wear an apron around the home!
And, there’s more to Doug than just his cleaning and bedroom skills!

“He’s teaching me acting, thank you. We just did a little acting class two nights ago,” Courtney purred at her beloved. “We have to resume that.”

[From Radar Online]

My favorite line “he was 51 and his life is over and I’m just venturing out on mine.” Is that what she’s counting on, the dude to take care of the house until he dies, at which point she can head out on her own? It’s probably going to be at least 30 years.

The only upside to this story is the fact that there is no video of this. (Update: There’s video now. It’s as bad as you might think.) In Courtney’s case, it actually does look worse than you might imagine when she makes all those freaky faces and licks her lips. She looks like a cat in its first heat. She’s just a kid, though, and it’s not her fault she turned out like this. I blame the awful stage mother who turned her into a parody of a sex kitten. This also answers the question of whether she writes her own tweets. I think she does.

Courtney was live on Radar’s Facebook page via UStream to answer user-submitted questions. The comments on the video are hilarious:

Chesley: my question is why you dress like a hooker?

Eric: Wow none of my questions were answered. Now I hate my life.

Courtney and Doug are making all these appearances to promote that reality show they just scored a production deal for THAT NO NETWORK WILL EVER RUN. This is skeevy and exploitative as hell, no matter how much the poor teen seems to be complicit in it. She doesn’t seem capable of making that decision on her own at all.

When Gérard Depardieu decides that he needs to take a piss, that mofo is going to take a piss. That’s the moral of this story – do not tell Gerard to hold it. So, Gerard was on a plane, preparing to fly from Paris to Dublin when the plane was delayed on the tarmac. Gerard needed to pee, and the flight attendants told him that he’d have to wait. So Gerard took a piss in the middle of the aisle:

Oh, mon dieu. Legendary French actor Gérard Depardieu caused quite a scene on an airplane Tuesday night by urinating in the cabin in front of his fellow passengers after the crew told him he had to wait to use the toilet, according to multiple reports.

The Golden Globe winner, 62, was on a CityJet flight from Paris to Dublin that was delayed on the tarmac when he asked to use the bathroom. After being told he had to wait until takeoff, he reportedly relieved himself in the aisle.

“I will only confirm that he, in effect, urinated in the plane,” a spokeswoman for the Air France-KLM subsidiary told AFP.

The carrier joked about the incident on Twitter on Wednesday morning. “As you may have seen on the news, we are busy mopping the floor of one of our planes this morning,” the airline wrote. “We’d also like to remind all passengers that our planes are fully equipped with toilet facilities.”

After the incident, the plane had to return to the gate and was delayed for two more hours for cleaning. It was not clear whether any action would be taken against Depardieu.

This isn’t the first episode of its kind this month. Teenage skier Robert “Sandy” Vietze was dismissed from the U.S. Ski Team’s development squad last week after reportedly getting drunk and urinating in the cabin of a JetBlue flight from Portland, Ore., to New York.

[From People]

Is this gross? Definitely. Do I think Gerard could have found a better solution to this problem? Sure. But I also think that when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go, and I hate the airline policy (of some airlines, not all) of “no one can use the bathrooms while delayed on the tarmac.” That issue is one of the central pieces of the Passenger Bill of Rights, which should go international too. My guess about this particular situation is that Gerard was simply drunk. He had too many alcoholic beverages and he needed to break the seal, NOW. Gross.

Photos courtesy of WENN.