We’ve already sort-of heard this story as it was in News of the World last week. NOTW now charges for article access since they’re trying to make enough money to pay settlements to all those celebrities whose phones they tapped in a desperate bid to get stories. Anyway I thought it was worth visiting Star Magazine’s take on it, as they add some fake “insider” quotes. The verifiable details of this story are damning enough. Gwyneth Paltrow and her Glee co-star Matthew Morrison were seen sneaking out of a hotel together in London at 2:00 am, with each of them looking embarrassed to see the paparazzi and taking pains to hide. (Photos are here.) They enjoyed a “romantic” dinner, drinks and dancing up that night. What’s more is that Morrison sung Goopy’s praises prior to working with her and admitted having a crush. Star claims that Morrison is trying to get Goop on Glee full time.

Savoring a late-night dinner at London’s Locana Locatelli restaurant and tossing back glasses of wine with her sexy companion at the Grosvenor House hotel until 2 a.m. on March 29, Gwyneth Paltrow looked to be enjoying a romantic night out without her kids [or husband]…

Matthew, 32, and Gwyneth, 38, “had a great time laughing, dancing and getting cozy at their table until well into the early-morning hours,” a source says of their London date night. “It’s clear from how touchy-feely they were that they’re really hot for each other.” And the attraction has been bubbling for months.

When Gwyneth joined the hit show for a cameo role last fall, notorious ladies’ man Matthew was smitted. “Dare I say I have a crush on Gwyneth Paltrow?” he admitted, calling her “the most joyous professional,” “a light,” “a blessing,” “the most lovely” and more.

Gwyneth was into him too, sources say, and the cast and crew couldn’t help but notice. On the day they filmed their famed “Singing in the Rain/Umbrella” number, a set insider reveals, “The sexual tension was palpable. They were chasing each other around on the set all through the shoot, splashing water on each other and acting like a couple of teenagers in lust. It got pretty hot and steamy.”

Gwyneth slipped him her number before leaving, the source says, and the couple have stayed in touch since. “When she heard he was in London doing publicity,” an insider says, “she was staying at her London home, so she called him to meet up.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, April 18, 2011]

This is what Star always does – they write fan fiction about scenes that actors share together. Still, this could be true. I doubt that Gwyneth is still with her husband, Chris Martin, at this point. They haven’t been seen together in ages and while he hates the paparazzi and has been too good to show up to any of her events to support her in years, it still bodes poorly for their marriage. If she is still with Chris I can imagine he wouldn’t look too kindly on her staying out with a male co-worker until 2:00 am. That’s probably not the case, though, and these two seem perfect for each other. Morrison strikes me as self obsessed and a little dim. He just claimed that he eats sweet potatoes for three days to prepare for shirtless scenes because “the potato acts as a sponge and your body literally shrinks and gets ripped and tight.” He probably finds Gwyneth so pretty and smart. She knows so much about the things in life that are important to him, and she eats it up when people adore her.

Gwyneth will record a duet with Morrison on his upcoming solo album. Morrison is still talking about that onscreen kiss with Goopy but she’s letting it leak that she thinks of him as a “little brother.”

Photos are from 12/13/10 when Goop got a star on the walk of fame. Note how Morrison was there but her husband wasn’t. Credit: WENN.com

Dame Gwyneth Paltrow has deigned to speak to the peasants once again, this time shilling her cookbook in an interview with Ladies’ Home Journal. I wonder what Gwyneth really thinks about LHJ’s readers? That they are nice people, obviously, but that they are truly not as special or ladylike or talented as The Goop? Probably. Anyway, my favorite part of this short interview is Gwyneth talking about “the biggest misconception” about her. Goop deigns to say that the biggest misconception is that she’s “uptight” and then cries, “There’s nothing uptight about me! I’ve got this ice-blonde reputation and that’s just not me. I do silly things in public all the time, like hosting Saturday Night Live, or I’ll go out with friends and have a good time. I try to live my life to the fullest even if it means making a fool of myself.” Wow, she really wants to sell this cookbook, doesn’t she?

My cookbook is . . . .A way for me to honor my dad [director Bruce Paltrow, who died in 2002]. I called it My Father’s Daughter: Delicious, Easy Recipes Celebrating Family & Togetherness because we learned how to cook together. But it’s strange. The other day I was thinking, Why did I write a cookbook? And, Why did I say yes to singing at the Country Music Awards? I’ll look back at a lot of things I’ve done and say, “How did I have the guts to do that?”

When it comes to food . . . . I’m the classic Jewish mother. I’m always making way too much, and I’m preoccupied with whether people have had enough to eat. When someone walks into my house, the first thing I do is make sure they’re fed.

The biggest misconception about me . . . . That I’m uptight. There’s nothing uptight about me! I’ve got this ice-blonde reputation and that’s just not me. I do silly things in public all the time, like hosting Saturday Night Live, or I’ll go out with friends and have a good time. I try to live my life to the fullest even if it means making a fool of myself.

I always avoid . . . . Junk food. But if someone gave me a basket filled with stinky, stinky cheese I’d be very, very happy.

On overeating . . . . There’s the me that will have a salad, a bowl of pasta and a glass of wine, and then there’s the other me that will have four glasses of wine, fried zucchini, pasta, chicken parmigiana and dessert. I try not to do that other version too much. I was at a party having dinner next to Mario Batali and he was like, “You’re the only person I know who eats more than me.”

My life motto . . . Try your hand at whatever you’re passionate about. I’ve taken whatever little bit of talent I was born with and worked it to death.

[From Ladies Home Journal]

Ugh. There’s something sad about the way Gwyneth has been hustling lately. I mean, I would understand it if Gwyneth was just trying to get her acting career back on track – that would be one thing, and her attempt would be long overdue. But it seems like Gwyneth is playing an entirely different game. She acts like everybody always thinks so highly of her acting skills, and we were just begging her to reveal more of her interests so we could perhaps share them with her. She wants to be accepted as an actress (although she thinks she’s still an A-list actress, when she’s really not), she wants to be accepted as a world-class cook, a singer, a lifestyle expert, all of it. That’s what I don’t understand: who died and made Gwyneth the new Martha Stewart? And why does she think any of us are interested in her Beyonce/Martha-fication? Does Gwyneth not realize that the overwhelming majority of us don’t care, and that there’s a growing number of us who actively think she’s a massive joke?

And that just makes me sad again. Because in Goop’s mind, she’s the best. She’s nailing all of this, and the peasants are eating it all up. Goop’s view of herself is extremely skewed from reality.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

As we talked about last Friday, Gwyneth Paltrow deigned to appear on Who Do You Think You Are?, that show about celebrities tracing their genealogy. The promos made it sound like Gwyneth’s ancestors were all, obviously, better than all of our ancestors. Like, her ancestors were all Kabbalah holy men and scholars. Anyway, the full episode is online now, in case you missed it – go here to watch. Gwyneth’s episode was a lot like all of the other episodes (sob!) – Gwyneth found out she had some cool ancestors, and some not-so-cool peasant ancestry. On her mother’s side, she’s descended from peasanty seamstresses who traveled from Barbados to America because they were being run out of town by the newly freed slaves. On her father’s side, Gwyneth has some unfit mothers in the mix. What I kind of loved was that Gwyneth’s styling changed with each new revelation – like, she had a costume change every few minutes, she styled her hair in all of these different ways, and the lighting on her was always beautiful. Having just recently seen the Steve Buscemi episode, I can tell you that not every celebrity gets that kind of styling and treatment.

In other Goop news, her cookbook is coming out soon and there are still rumors going around that she’s going to be launching some kind of Goop magazine. The latest news comes via Page Six:

Gwyneth Paltrow’s quest to become the next Martha Stewart may be closer in sight. Sources say the culinarily inclined star was shot in London for the June cover of Bon Appetit, posing for a cooking and entertaining feature for the Condé Nast title. The Post’s Keith Kelly reported last week that Paltrow, who runs foodie lifestyle Web site Goop.com, is cooking up a food magazine with publishing powerhouse Hearst. Paltrow has a cookbook out next month, “My Father’s Daughter.” A rep for Bon Appetit would not confirm its June cover.

[From Page Six]

You know what is kind of stunning to me? That Goopy has positioned herself as a “foodie”. Now everybody is saying it, and people don’t even blink when she’s referred to as a “foodie” in casual reporting. The bitch is always on a juice fast! And roasting a chicken does not make you a foodie!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I feel like such a dork for admitting this out in the open and everything, but I really like that show Who Do You Think You Are? It’s an American version of a show that I believe started in Ireland…? Anyway, Lisa Kudrow executive produces it and she brings some really fascinating people in, and they spend an hour’s show researching their ancestry through public records, databases, old newspapers, whatever (and whoever) they can get their hands on. Earlier this week, I mentioned in passing that I had seen Kim Cattrall’s and it was crazy – her grandfather was a bigamist! But yeah, I feel like a dork. When I’m home on a Friday night (too often), I watch it while folding my laundry. It’s like my thing now.

So tonight’s episode should be a doozy! DAME GWYNETH is the celebrity! Oh, you know it’s going to be posh and brilliant, and you know Gwyneth is descended from, like, the best people ever. There are no peasants in her background! No “laborers” or “janitors”. Gwyneth comes from a long line of Important People. According to the previews:

Gwyneth Paltrow has discovered a fascinating family fact while tracing her roots for hit U.S. TV show Who Do You Think You Are? – her great great great grandfather was a beloved Jewish holy man.

The actress tracked her ancestors back to Barbados while taping the show, which airs in America on Friday night (01Apr11) – but the biggest surprise came when she returned to New York and discovered her great great great grandfather was a “master of Kabbalah” – the mystic Jewish offshoot Paltrow studies today.

Documents show he was “a miracle worker” who once saved his community from a raging fire through his faith.

She said, “This is all kinda blowing my mind.”

[From Contact Music]

Don’t you get it? Gwyneth is so wonderful that even her ancestors are better than your ancestors. God, I can’t wait! I bet she cries when she realizes just how special and elite her relatives were. Here’s the preview:

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

It’s not enough that she deigns to send out a weekly instructional manual for peasants. It’s not enough that she deigns to “sing” to us in films, on awards shows, and soon even a “country” album. Now Gwyneth will deign to advise peasants in some sort of publication, a magazine! This is according to the NY Post’s sources, at least. They claim that Gwyneth is in some kind of talks to launch her own Goopy food magazine. Because she cooks! In between juice fasts and detoxes and getting liquored up and flashing her panties.

Academy Award-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow has been remaking herself in recent years as a food expert with strong ties to celebrity chef Mario Batali — and now, according to a reliable source, she is trying to expand her empire outside of the Hollywood realm with a magazine project.

One source insisted Hearst — which has a hit on its hands with the Food Network Magazine and which helped turn Oprah Winfrey’s celebrity buzz into O, the Oprah Magazine, now the second most profitable magazine in the entire company after Cosmopolitan, is intrigued.

“It’s a super-secret project,” said one source. Hearst is insisting speculation is not true. “Beyond her occasionally appearing on our magazine covers, we don’t have any other projects in the works with Gwyneth Paltrow,” said a spokeswoman.

Still, she was most recently on last month’s cover of Hearst’s Good Housekeeping, in part to promote her movie “Country Strong.”

But in that article and others, she never misses a chance to promote her cooking. Paltrow’s Vogue cover story in August 2010 was entitled “Beauty and the Feast” and was written by Vogue’s food writer, Jeffrey Steingarten.

And Paltrow is releasing a cookbook, “My Father’s Daughter,” next month. It has already gone back for a second printing pre-publication. If it soars to bestseller status — as Hachette Book Group’s Grand Central Publishing imprint thinks it will — her food bona fides will be further burnished.

The book carries an introduction from Batali. Paltrow has already teamed up with Batali for a PBS cooking series.

[From The New York Post]

Now, Goopy does have a cook book/memoir coming out this year, so maybe someone is confusing the book with the idea of a magazine? Could be. But I wouldn’t put it past Goopy to start a magazine either. She wants to be the new Oprah/Martha Stewart, Goop-style. And as peasants, we should just be aware. Be vigilant, even.

Thanks to Gawker for the tip!

Photos courtesy of Vogue, Fame & WENN.

Tina Fey is the cover girl for the April issue of InStyle Magazine. People Mag has some excerpts from the interview below, but one thing I just wanted to point out: Tina is trying to defend Gwyneth Paltrow! FOR REAL. In the interview, she was defending Gwyneth’s comment – from a year ago or more, I believe – that Goopy has “cried” on a film set before because she misses her kids. Tina says the same thing, but frames it in a different way and…when Tina Fey says it, the world laughs. When Gwyneth Paltrow says it, the world rolls their eyes and mutters something along the lines of “Snotty bitch troll from hell.” It’s not just what is being said, Tina. It’s how the lady says it.

As a multi-tasker, she puts even James Franco to shame. But actress, book author, screenwriter, producer, mother, youngest-ever Mark Twain Prize for American Humor honoree and seven-time Emmy winner Tina Fey has one more label she’s ready to add to her resumé: life coach to Gwyneth Paltrow.

“Any time you talk about being a working mother and you complain about it in any way, people eat your face,” Fey tells InStyle for its April issue, on sale Friday. “I remember reading some interview where Gwyneth Paltrow said something like, ‘I missed my kids on the set one day and I was crying.’ And I thought, Yeah, I’ve totally done that.”

Continues Fey, 40: “But on the Web site where I read it there were these furious comments. ‘But you’re a movie star!’ Yes, it’s much worse for a mom serving in Afghanistan. Of course. But there’s just no forgiveness.”

Exercising her formidable talents is still a stretch, given the time constraints in a day. Yet, as Fey admits, “You need a lot of help, and you need not to be afraid to ask for help.” She credits a great nanny and husband (since 2001) Jeff Richmond, musician and 30 Rock co-producer, who is also “a full participant” at home.

“But even still,” she says, “every 12 weeks or so, you just kind of lose it. Then you gather it back up.”

Daughter Alice’s Showbiz Instincts
Fey, on the promotional trail for her new memoir, Bossypants (“I thought for a minute about calling the book Having It All: Love, Work, Jaw Pain,” she says), is able to flex her muscle as 30 Rock boss by occasionally bringing her daughter, Alice, to the set.

There, the 5-year-old likes to play with actor Jack McBrayer, says her mom, who adds: “She’s also figured out that it’s funny to show people your butt.”

Revealing something of the Alice-Tina dynamic, Fey, tells InStyle: “Kids are definitely the boss of you. Anyone who will barge into the room while you are on the commode is the boss of you. And when you explain to them that you’re on the commode and that they should leave but they don’t? That’s a high-level boss.”

Which leads to the obvious question. Asked if she’d like more kids, Fey responds to interviewer Henry Alford, “If you’re asking me to do that with you, I cannot.”

[From People]

Going back to the Goop thing: I love Tina and all, but she doesn’t get it! She can say something like, “Any time you talk about being a working mother and you complain about it in any way, people eat your face…Yes, it’s much worse for a mom serving in Afghanistan. Of course. But there’s just no forgiveness” and we know exactly what point Tina is trying to make: that we, as women, need to give ourselves a break. I get that. But Gwyneth has never and will never say anything so humbly genuine. Gwyneth judges us fat peasants and our peasant-y way of living and working and raising children. Gwyneth’s whole deal with Goop is to encourage us to NOT FORGIVE ourselves because we should be aiming to be more perfect, just like her.

So… basically, I love Tina. Always have, always will. But I will not give Gwyneth a break just because Tina says I should. Gwyneth hasn’t earned it!

Photos courtesy of InStyle & WENN.

Gwyneth Paltrow is the cover girl for the April issue of InStyle UK. I actually think the UK edition reused some of the photos and some of the interview from Goopy’s appearance in the American InStyle edition in January. But there are still some quotes from the piece that I hadn’t read yet… like Gwyneth talking about her husband, yet again.

What is a typical night at the Paltrow-Martin house?
“Well, last Saturday night, I made turkey meatballs and we all had dinner together, then put the kids to bed and watched a movie on Apple TV…We always go out one night of the weekend, because it’s nice for me to get out of the house. I cook so much during the week, it’s good for me to have a break and eat something that I don’t make, like sashimi or Indian food.”

Goopy is back to being American: “London is great, but I miss America. Nowadays, I feel like we’re citizens of everywhere.”

Gwyneth, on singing with Jay-Z: “I got onstage with him at the Royal Albert Hall [in 2006]. I stood in the back and sang with him. That was the night of my 34th birthday and I drank a bunch of champagne before going on just to get through it. It was also before I had any singing lessons. I was sooo nervous, but that was just for fun. I’m glad I did it.”

Goopy on having girls‘ nights in: “I like having dance parties at my house and being super-goofy with my girlfriends,” says Paltrow, who splits time between homes in L.A. and the UK. “We just play music like whatever is on the radio and then old stuff – Michael Jackson, disco – and new stuff; we mix it up. It’s fun.”

On Country Strong: “Last night, when I was watching the film, I thought, ‘This is the best job I’ve ever done. Normally I can’t stand to see myself but with this film, I felt like it all came together, all that hard work and putting myself in such an uncomfortable position where I felt so scared of how I was going to do it. I’m happy with how it turned out. I’ve never prepared for anything more in my life. It was a big responsibility. There was studying with an accent coach, learning to play guitar and, of course, the singing. My voice didn’t have any power and I wanted to try to sing properly. I was so nervous about performing live scenes in the film, that’s so foreign to me.”

[From The Mail]

I just don’t get Gwyneth at this point. Like, is she trying to convince us that her life is so great and that her marriage is so strong and we will never know how wonderful and elite it is to be married to a rock star? Because I don’t think anyone is buying it at this point. It’s like she’s aiming for being snotty about how great her marriage is but she’s just really trying to convince herself.

Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t mind being associated with fraud trainer Tracy Anderson. And when I call Tracy a “fraud” I mean she’s an honest-to-God fraud who has bilked business partners out of hundreds of thousands of dollars, not to mention the “fraud” of telling women that she can remake their body if they only drop to 1,000 calories a day while working out 2 hours a day (how could that NOT work?). Anyway, Gwyneth is now business partners with Tracy, and they co-own some gyms or something. This is all happened around the same time that Madonna dropped Tracy like a hot potato, and I’ve always believed that Tracy is one of the main reasons that Gwyneth and Madge aren’t friends anymore. But I digress – Gwyneth associates herself with Chipmunk McBoltOns, and now Gwyneth is shilling Tracy’s “Method” yet again in her Goop newsletter:

By now, I think you all know how amazing I think my trainer, partner and friend Tracy Anderson is, how she kicked my twice pregnant ass into shape, and keeps taking me to new levels. Tracy’s dream has always been to be able to make her ingenious customized-to-your-problem-areas program available to any woman who is up for the challenge—and now she has. See below! It’s pretty f’ing great ’cause it works!

[From Goop]

Then Goop gives the newsletter over to Tracy for what amounts to a commercial for her “method”. Goop also included this video:

Ugh. Okay, I’ve stopped feeling sorry for Gwyneth temporarily. Now I’m back to just wanting to smack the snot out of her. How tacky is this? How cheap and budget is it to promote your fraudulent business partner on your “newsletter”? When did Gwyneth become so “f’ing” tacky?

Oh, well. I guess we should be grateful that Gwyneth wasn’t telling us about some NEW FANCY juice detox. AGAIN. Because Goop can’t poop naturally. That’s for peasants.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame.

Gwyneth Paltrow reprised her role as substitute teacher Holly Holiday last night on Glee. Like her last performance, she was an ok actress and a decent singer. It was still full of cringe-worthy lines and the pungent odor of try-hard that surrounds her like those clouds around that dirty Peanuts character. That’s true about Glee in general though, so maybe this time it wasn’t Goop’s fault that her character had to conduct a pelvis-grinding jazzercise class, teach sex ed and say lines like “sex, it’s just like hugging only wetter” and “we’re going to get under the covers all together and get the ditty on the dirty.” Glee has become a parody of itself, and Gwyneth is a symptom not the cause.

I’m not going to recap Glee, it’s too exhausting to try and I could only stand to watch half of it. I’m truly over that show. You can read a recap on the NY Daily News and watch it on Fox.com if you’re interested.

Meanwhile there’s news that Goop landed a whopping $900,000 recording contract with Atlantic Records for her first country album. According to E! that’s just a rumor, Gwyneth is still in talks with record companies and no deal has been signed yet. I’m glad to hear that isn’t true. Even for a star like Gwyneth those numbers sounded too high.

Here’s Gwyneth singing “Do You Want To Touch Me There.” She launched into this after her character gave a very brief sex education intro. It was ridiculous. Do you think Chris Martin sees Gwyneth doing this and is proud of her? (This video only plays for US visitors.)

Yesterday, I wrote about Gwyneth Paltrow and whether we should even make fun of her anymore. You guys had a lot to say, and I totally hear you. I’ve always thought that Gwyneth was a snot, a sanctimonious elitist, and completely worthy of any mockery you wanted to throw her way. I’ve just been feeling a pang of sympathy for her lately – I honestly think she’s in a bad place. Her makeup has been trashy, she’s been wearing lots of “look at me, I’m so young and I have a great body” clothes, her face was looking jacked and Botoxy for a while, and this whole mess with her “singing” career… well, I just think Gwyneth is kind of rough lately. But if you want to continue to mock her Goopy ways, by all means. I’ll cosign. Especially if you want to laugh at this latest news – it seems Gwyneth is close to signing a deal to record her own album. Her own COUNTRY album. Oh, Goop.

Gwyneth Paltrow, who’s been shopping for a music deal, is in advanced talks with Atlantic Records, Page Six has learned. The Oscar-winning actress is poised to sign a contract with the Warner Music-owned label to produce a country album following her starring role in “Country Strong.”

Paltrow, 38, is married to Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, which is signed to EMI. She recently showed off her singing skills on “Glee,” at the Country Music Awards, the Grammys — where she writhed in a tight, black body suit on a baby grand piano to perform “Forget You” with Cee Lo — and at the Oscars, where she performed the nominated song “Coming Home.”

A source told us, “Gwyneth’s agents have been talking to a number of labels about landing her a substantial record deal. Those who have heard the music say it’s country pop. Many labels would be reluctant to give a deal to a star whose first priority is film, but in recent weeks there have been discussions with Atlantic. Gwyneth is a very different name for Atlantic, and one who brings a lot of recognition.” Its roster includes Sean Paul, B.o.B, T.I., James Blunt, Janelle Monae, Zero 7, Phil Collins and Kid Rock.

Paltrow recently said she was discussing possible contracts with several labels, and said on the Oscars red carpet, “We’re talking about it now. So we’ll see.”

She also reprises her role on “Glee” as substitute teacher Holly Holiday tomorrow, saying she accepted the part because: “I thought, ‘How much fun it would it be to sing and dance and just be ridiculous and silly?’ I’m just having so much fun. My parts were usually quite serious, and I was looking for something fun and different to do.”

While some music critics were not bowled over by her performances, Gwyneth has big aspirations. She’d like to record with Jay-Z, a close friend of her and Martin. She added during red-carpet interviews, “I think we’d be a good combination.”

Paltrow’s rep didn’t get back to us, and Atlantic declined to comment.

[From Page Six]

More songs about double-wides? More songs about drinkin’ and brawlin’ and twangin’? Jesus. Okay, I get that you don’t NEED a good voice to record an album. Katy Perry and Rihanna prove that, over and over. But why this midlife career change for a woman who is basically a more elite version of a Real Housewife? Her voice isn’t great, she can’t carry a movie by herself anymore, her marriage to certified rock star Chris Martin is… not going very well. Is the answer for Gwyneth to start a new career as some kind of Faith Hill wannabe?

Photos courtesy of WENN.