Here’s a little Gwyneth Paltrow to make your day so much better! Gwyneth, and her Goop newsletter, have returned from vacation. Thank God. It seems that Gwyneth is in very good spirits after returning from her bra-flashing trip to her favorite country, Spain. Her good spirits have allowed her to smile, a real smile, not just a smug, holier-than-Goop smirk. How do I know Goop is smiling? She’s deigned to make us another cooking video! Hurray!

The Goop newsletter this week is a “Make”. And it’s a good “make” too, it’s not just “teaching peasants how to MAKE a sandwich”. This time there’s a hint of soy sauce with our weekly Goop. This is because Goop has gone Asian! Gwyneth’s “Make” is Bibimbop (which most Western sources spell “Bibimbap”), Burdock & Carrot Kinpira and Spicy Miso Sauce. Here’s Goop’s descriptions of the food:

Bibimbop, which roughly translates to “mix it up,” is essentially a rice bowl that you can adorn with whatever toppings you like. It’s a great vehicle for leftovers—a veritable ‘kitchen sink’ kind-of meal. The key is the Spicy Miso Sauce, which ties all the various parts together.

Kinpira refers to a Japanese cooking style of braising vegetables, typically root vegetables, and often a combination of carrot and burdock. Burdock is a tenacious root that’s especially good for your liver and blood. It’s often available in farmers’ markets in the fall. If you can’t find burdock, any combination of hearty vegetables will work—try carrots, parsnips and onions, or even carrots and beets.

Spicy Miso Sauce -This versatile sauce is also great with roasted duck or chicken, or even spread on top of a salmon or tuna burger.

[From Goop]

Of course, Gwyneth has to describe in detail very explicit instructions on how to cook everything. I swear, one day she’s going to write, “Turn dial on stove top to 400 degrees. Resist urge to beat self in head with spatula. Count to ten slowly. Pour quarter cup vegetable oil.”

Her “very good friend” Lee Gross is in the video with her (which has really sh-tty, Goopy sound quality), and he seems to bring out the best in her. At least it gives her someone to talk to. I giggled when Gwyneth is trying to pronounce “Bibimbop” – she seems really cute at that moment. She should always do videos for Goop newsletters, and she should invite more of her “very special friends” in – she’s better when she has someone to play off of, it humanizes her. Of course, you still have to hear her snotty voice when she gives her little asides. But it’s more subdued. Oh, and I loved the cooking, by the way! Asian Goop is awesome.

Have you missed the Goop? I have. Goop (the site and Gwyneth) has been on vacation the past two weeks, and we haven’t been getting our little weekly reminders of how we’re all idiotic peasants that need to be improved with a dash of goopiness. So these new pictures are a pleasant little surprise – it seems Gwyneth’s vacation has included a trip to her favorite country in the whole world, Spain. You see, Gwyneth thinks Spain is totally better than every other country in the world. She’s thinking about moving to Spain, that’s how much she loves it. She loves Spain, and the Spanish peasants so much she’s going to launch Goop en Español. She loves Spain because she backpacked through Spain as a young girl, and you should be able to as well, except your father isn’t going to finance your “backpacking” adventure.

Chris Martin and Coldplay are on tour in Spain, and Gwyneth decided to join the band for this leg of the tour, I think. The photographs just seem to be of Gwyneth and her son Moses – I don’t see Chris or Apple anywhere. Moses is a little cutie, isn’t he? He seems to take after Gwyneth more, I think, where Apple seemed to have gotten a lot of Chris’s face. Although, I have seen pictures of Apple where she’s making the exact same snotty bitchface as her mom. Some things are genetic!

Gwyneth is actually seen here on her way out of Barcelona – she’s at the airport. Apparently, her outfit caused something of a minor ruckus within the Barcelona airport’s security terminals. Gwyneth was wearing a very loose white tank, and during the security check, she was flashing her flesh-colored bra over and over again. According to the Daily Mail, “several fellow passengers [were] doing double-takes. The Mail also called the overall outfit a “less than classy look.” Oh, snap. I totally agree. I like comfort whenever I’m traveling anywhere (even if it’s a ten-minute drive to the grocery store), but having that kind of loose, bra-flashing top on isn’t comfort, it’s just cheap. I’m sure we can expect Gwyneth to address this incident in the next Goop newsletter. “GET a flesh-colored bra…BE an airport flasher.”

Photo credit: Fame Pictures

Those of us who follow Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop ramblings religiously (and really, who doesn’t?) know that Gwyneth fancies herself the second coming of Martha Stewart. Think about it – they can both come across as icy, haughty, snotty blondes with too much time on their hands. It sort of works. Except for the fact that Martha Stewart has every damn reason to be haughty – she’s actually a lifestyle goddess bitches, and she was put on this earth so we could all bake the perfect cake, make our own icing and create our own icing mold tips. Don’t forget the wax paper! The wax paper will help you not get all of your homemade icing on your beautiful antique cake stand that, of course, you bought on your little weekend escape to the Connecticut antique shops. What? You don’t live like that? Too bad. Martha does. And she’s the original. Goopy’s just a budget imposter.

Anyway, Fox News 411 is reporting that Gwyneth’s next step to becoming the snottier, goopier version of Martha is to launch a series of Goop-branded products. Part of the Goop brand will be beauty products, launched under the Estee Lauder umbrella. Which means that Gwyneth probably isn’t mad about the weird circumstances surrounding the loss of her Estee Lauder modeling contract – it was probably mutual, and Gwyneth remained friends with the Lauder women. Gwyneth also wants a “Goop For Moms” brand that she can sell through her website, or as Fox’s source says, she wants “to create products for real women.” Oh, barf. In Goopy’s mind, “real women” = fat peasants.

An inside source tells FOX411 that Gwyneth Paltrow has secret plans to shift her public image and become the next Martha Stewart. She wants to create her own lifestyle brands for women and families and cut back to doing one movie per year. Husband and Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin has even dubbed Gwyneth’s appointments to plan her takeover of the lifestyle sector her “Martha Stewart meetings”!

The insider, who works with paltrow, tells FOX411, “Her plan is to stay visible in the occasional film, but to create products for real women. She is working on new products for her own beauty line under Estee Lauder and looking at different products for moms at home that she can tie to her website, GOOP.”

And Gwyneth has new product lines all ready for launch, says the source.

“Her charity clothing line for ZOEtees, which will benefit Kids Company, is about to debut, and that was a major project. Other products will follow suit.”

Martin lightly mocks Gwyneth’s big plans, but he never asks her to stop them, the insider adds. “She still spends plenty of time with him and Moses and Apple and she continues to be a very protective and present mother.”

It’s a good thing Chris doesn’t try to hold her back, because he’d lose, says the pal. “She has become a power multi-tasker, so she’ll take meetings while she’s sitting around her movie sets. Gwyneth wants to create an empire, but her first priority is always to her family. She is finding ways to merge the two so that other women and mothers will be able to do the same.”

[From Fox News 411]

Interesting that Fox’s source seems to stress that Chris Martin is all for the Goop brand. Chris is probably thinking, “Anything to get her to shut her goopy piehole for two goddamn seconds.” The “source” is probably very much a Friend of Goop, because the rumors we keep hearing are that Chris and Gwyneth are having problems.

As for the main part of the story – would you buy Goop products? Perhaps “Goop Mascara” (yikes) or the “Goop Diaper Pail”? I could have fun with this – how about Goop Tissues, for when you’re feeling snotty (snotty = “Gwyneth”). Or the Goop “Roach” Killer, for when the paparazzi just won’t leave you alone?

Gwyneth and Martha are shown at the same event, the premiere of Valentino: The Last Emperor at the MoMA in NY on 3/17/09. Credit: Splash News

Oh, to be Dame Gwyneth Paltrow. To spend your life with your nose stuck up in the air, snotting at anything, everything you find unworthy. To sanctimoniously dish out lifestyle advice to those poor, unfortunate, dumb, unattractive people who so desperately need your Goop. To pitch hissy fits when someone younger and hotter gets a little bit more attention. To donate your precious time to a cause so that the cause will receive more attention, and then piss all over the media providing coverage by calling them “roaches”. Ah, Gwyneth.

According to Betty Confidential, Gwyneth’s latest snotfest is about her husband’s band, Coldplay. It seems Gwyneth is trying to convince Chris that he needs to start a solo career, and consider leaving Coldplay for good. Chris’s response? It was basically “Screw you and the goopy horse you rode in on.”

Back in 2004 newlywed Gwyneth Paltrow was asked whether she would consider singing with her new husband Chris Martin’s band, Coldplay. The Oscar winner said no, explaining, “People ask if I will sing with the band or do a duet, but always in front of my mind is the Yoko effect. I don’t want to be known as the girl who split up Coldplay.”

My, how times have changed. Sources tell me the GOOP editor, actress and mother of two is following in the footsteps of the woman blamed for breaking up the Beatles and is trying to convince Chris to say goodbye to Coldplay and consider writing music of his own.

A pal of the Iron Man star says, “Gwyneth has outright told Chris that he should consider going solo. She is busy doing all of her projects and she wants him to diversify as well. She doesn’t have a problem with Coldplay, but she wants Chris to think about trying a solo album just to see if he likes it.”

The conversation between the couple, who have been battling breakup rumors lately, did not go well.

“When Gwyneth mentioned it, Chris was furious. He loves the band and he has no desire to change things right now. Chris basically ignored her and walked away.”

[From Betty Confidential]

There have been many, many rumors about relationship problems between Gwyneth and Chris for years, so is this just another rumor? I’ll believe Gwyneth capable of any kind of snotty idea, and since her new thing is giving “lifestyle advice” to peasants, maybe Gwyneth has decided to bring her work home with her. But I have another theory – doesn’t Chris Martin think that Coldplay is like the heir to the Beatles? Perhaps he and Gwyneth are both taking a page out of the Beatles handbook, and putting this story out there so people will draw their own John Lennon-Yoko Ono comparisons. I have to say, I’m definitely on Team Yoko if that’s the case.

Here’s Gywneth leaving the Byron & Tracey hair salon in Beverly Hills on March 25th. Images thanks to Pacific Coast News.

Fox News has a hilarious piece up about how Gwyneth Paltrow was almost universally hated on the set of Iron Man 2. We’ve heard some of this before – Gwyneth and Scarlett Johansson did not get along, Gwynnie was jealous of the attention ScarJo got, blah blah. The new twist is that some people on Team Iron Man want to kill off Gwyneth’s character!

Gwyneth Paltrow is not making any new friends these days. The actress recently wrapped filming on “Iron Man 2″ (due to hit theatres in May 2010), where she wasn’t a crew favorite, FOX411 has learned.

A source says some of the “Iron Man” team had secret hopes of her character being recast, or even killed in the movie, but are resigned to the likelihood that she is locked in as the character Pepper Potts.

Gwyneth did nothing to make friends with fellow superhero Scarlett Johansson, playing the Black Widow, says the insider, and crew actually preferred to be around her husband, Coldplay frontman, Chris Martin.

“Gwyneth is extremely cool at work. She’s just a step above professional, too snobby,” the on-set source tells FOX411. “Gwyneth is not friendly to anyone, and tends to make people feel awkward and uncomfortable. She wasn’t outright rude to Scarlett, she just didn’t ever speak to her. Gwyneth went out of her way to avoid Scarlett, and they had zero contact, at Gwyneth’s choosing.”

The source says that she also put undue pressure on the hair and makeup staff and other members of the crew. “Gwyneth would be very put out if hair and makeup were running behind or things were not on schedule. Usually, nothing was drastically late, but Gwyneth can instantly say something that lets everyone know she is put out,” the source explains.

“Much of the crew didn’t mind hanging out with her husband, Chris, but if Gwyneth ever came around, they scattered! Chris is so chill and relaxed and she is just the opposite. Chris has been a crew favorite since the filming of the first movie.”

And while the insider says there are definitely people on the movie who would love to see her replaced, Pepper Potts is a very important character to Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark. “She is not going anywhere,” sighs the source. “As long as Gwyneth wants to be in the movies, she will be, and the crew has to learn how to handle her.”

[From Fox News]

ScarJo isn’t Gwyneth “Goop” Paltrow’s only competition! Celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe is trying to steal the goopy thunder – literally! Rachel Zoe has just launched The Zoe Report, which seems like a wickedly bad, budget version of the Goop site we know and love to hate. By “budget version” I don’t mean that the stuff Zoe is recommending is actually cheaper than the stuff Gwyneth has recommended. I’m using “budget” to describe the overall feel of The Zoe Report – because who really wants to look like Rachel Zoe, a celebrity stylist known mainly for her emaciated body and her cokeface? To give Gwyneth some credit, she’s still very pretty (in that snotty, WASPy way), and I can see why some people would want to take tips from her.

Zoe intends to go head-to-goop for the niche pretentious-celebrity-lifestyle market. I hate to say it, but Team Gwyneth. Through the months of Goop we’ve withstood, Gwyneth has grown to understand that she has to do a few suggestions that are affordable, like roasting a chicken. Rachel Zoe’s “AMAHZING” suggestions include $1325 boots and $300-400 cuff bracelets, all modeled by Zoe. To give Zoe a little credit, it seems she recommends the expensive stuff, but then shows a similar budget version from a knock-off site or brand. Maybe it’s not so bad after all.

When Hollywood actress Gwyneth Paltrow started dishing out fashion advice and lifestyle tips directly to the public via her own website, Goop, she was generally derided. But Paltrow weathered the mockery, and now her web-based project has received the ultimate accolade: a celebrity rival.

Rachel Zoe, famed stylist to the stars and proud possessor of her own reality TV show, has now launched her own lifestyle advice website, the Zoe Report. It has set the stage for an online celebrity battle for the hearts and minds of a global public.

Goop has followed the trajectory of any other successful internet start-up. It began life as an obscure outlet for Paltrow occasionally to blog her thoughts and suggestions on where to shop, or what to eat, or where to go on holiday. It was greeted with initial hostility, especially as Paltrow’s tastes appeared far out of the reach of most people. Gossip website Gawker posted a story about Goop in which it advised Paltrow to abandon the project “before she embarrasses herself further”. Its headline? “Gwyneth Paltrow should get out of web publishing”.

Instead, Paltrow persevered. In some ways, Goop has become a web-based version of successful celebrity magazines such as Martha Stewart’s Living and Oprah Winfrey’s O. Recently Paltrow confessed to People magazine that PR firms and corporations were sending her items in the hope that she would plug them in the weekly newsletter that the site sends to fans.

“Corporate America is knocking on my door,” she told the magazine. Paltrow, it appears, has turned Goop from a joke into a potentially lucrative business venture.

That certainly seems to be the motivation behind Zoe’s decision to launch a rival. The stylist, who has worked with the likes of Cameron Diaz, Anne Hathaway and Keira Knightley, has become an increasingly prominent voice in the world of fashion. She has also provoked controversy over her skinny frame: critics have accused her of promoting an unhealthy body image.

Zoe now aims to follow in Paltrow’s footsteps and broaden her presence beyond being a celebrity stylist, instead becoming a lifestyle guru to her audience. Like Goop, the Zoe Report will offer its readers tips and advice, though it will be focused mainly on fashion and style. It comes out in a daily email, compared to Goop’s weekly format.

The rival websites have in common a taste for the high-end prices that other people might feel are a little out of reach. In some of her first tips, Zoe suggested readers snap up a “capelet” costing $2,400, or splash out on a pair of sunglasses that cost more than $500. The Zoe Report has also dished out suggestions for buying the right shoes and choosing luxury jewellery and makeup.

The online battle has already set some internet hearts fluttering. “Is there room in your life for two missives from famous people who really want you to go shopping?” asked New York Magazine, in a feature comparing and contrasting the two websites. According to Zoe and Paltrow – and an army of publicists praying for free plugs – there is.

[From the Guardian]

It’s the fact that Zoe is modeling the stuff herself that kills me. She’s really delusional if she thinks her image will help sell anything. People may take her advice on what to wear and how to wear it – because Zoe does know a lot about fashion, and her styling is usually pretty good – but people won’t want it if they see the stuff on her. Just my opinion – perhaps there are a few fashionistas out there who think Rachel Zoe looks incredible. I hope there aren’t many.

Stills from Iron Man 2, thanks to Allmoviephoto

Dude, everyone hates Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop. To the extreme! While I find Gwyneth’s snotty attitude offensive, I’m don’t really take her Goopy advice too personally. Sometimes, I actually enjoy it, in the “Goop is such a pretentious piece of work, let’s mock and laugh at her” sort of way. But “Real Housewife of New York” Bethenny Frankel takes it personally, and Frankel lashed out at Gwyneth (and her Goopy recipes) at a recent event. In case you don’t follow the “Real Housewives” (which I don’t, for the most part), Bethenny is the one without a husband, who was the runner-up on Martha Stewart’s Apprentice, and who just bought herself a new pair of boobs. She’s also something of a genuine chef and foodie, an accomplished food writer and just this year, she released her first cookbook: Naturally Thin – Unleash Your Skinnygirl & Free Yourself from a Lifetime of Dieting. Guess how much she hates the Goopster?

If Gwyneth Paltrow ever gets another cooking special, it’s really going to irk Bethenny Frankel.

“I’d rather staple my eyelids shut than watch Gwyneth cook,” the chef told us during the launch of her bottled Skinnygirl Margaritas at the Montauk Yacht Club on Saturday.

She added, “Gwyneth is afraid to [reveal] who she really is – she’s so manhandled by publicists and managers. Her show would be way too boring to watch.”

The “Real Housewives of New York” star confided that she has been approached to create a food series of her own, but nothing has been confirmed yet.

[From Gatecrasher]

I hate myself for agreeing with Bethenny Frankel. Like, there are no words for how much I hate myself, and how much I agree with with Frankel. The best Goop newsletters are always the ones where Gwyneth actually gives us her own advice, which she hasn’t been doing recently. She just gets her “friends” and her “shrinks” to tell us how to live our lives. I’ve started to wonder if Gwyneth might be getting tired of all of this Goop nonsense, just because she’s run out of things to say. Are Bethenny and I wrong? Is Gwyneth still interesting? Or is she really as boring as we think?

Header of Bethenny Frankel at the G-Shock presents shock the world tour event, held at Cipriani in New York City on August 5th. Image thanks to WENN.com. How strange does Gwyneth’s head look here?

A few commenters pointed this out yesterday as we slavishly lapped up Gwyneth Paltrow’s advice on making the perfect Goopy salad with McDonald’s special sauce. It’s a piece in Vanity Fair’s “Vanities” section online (and I would assume, in the September issue) called “‘Gwyneth Paltrow’ shares her secrets of happiness with Craig Brown”. It’s a spoof, or satire, that the magazine often does, usually of the most megalomaniacal personalities out there. Previously, they’ve spoofed everyone from Heather Mills to Bono to Madonna. What’s particularly funny about this spoof is that I’m pretty sure Craig Brown has taken bits and pieces from real Goop newsletters and made her sound completely incoherent and pretentious – so, basically, it’s sort of honoring the spirit of Goop:

Go-I love film. After a yummy meal for the whole family and some truly great friends, we often go out to see something beautiful and unique.
-Here’s a tip for all moms. Never ask young children to pay when you go out to the movie theater. It is simply unfair to ask a four-year-old to pay for herself.
-Why not give her the trip as a very special present? That way, you—and she—can learn so much more about what it is to love and to give. Repayment can come later.
-Next week, we learn to ride a bicycle with a world-expert bicycle nutritionist.

Do
-Many of you have asked if I have any tips on how to get leggings on quicker. My in-house leggings guru advises rubbing onto your legs a paste made from five spoonfuls of extra-virgin olive oil, turbinado sugar, and coarsely ground fair-trade coffee. If you have any further problems, then next week I’ll be recommending a truly great creative-leggings clinic.

See
-What is it about books that make them so truly great to read? I think it’s the way the words are printed on every page, the right way up and in just the right order.
-This means you can start reading on the first page and then continue reading through the middle pages all the way to the last page.
-Here are some of my absolute favorite books. War, by Leo Tolstoy. A great read. Bonus: You can get it as part of a two-volume edition which includes Peace by the same great author.
-Shakespeare, by Shakespeare. He has so many great lines. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” “I am the Walrus.” “My heart will go on.” They’re part of the language.
-Next week, we learn to peel a banana with a world-expert fruit psychologist.

Be
-To be or not to be. That was the question posed by one great man. It’s a tough one. My choice? To be.
-I love being. There’s so much wisdom in it. You wake up in the morning and you think, Hey, isn’t it great just being?
-But not to be would be just as great too, I guess.
-Next week, we learn to make yummy blueberry-and-goat’s-rennet ice cream served with arugula and coconut water.

Get
-Do you sometimes get the feeling you just have too much going on?
At one end of the room the kids are crying out for you to teach them how to make that truly great detox teriyaki salad with miso-nettle dressing. At the other end of the room there’s a new movie script sent to you by the cuddly and awesome director Sam Mendes.
-And then the phone rings and it’s your supercool friend Madonna Ciccone begging you to step into that favorite old cut-price Balenciaga knee-length dress with your buckle belt and outrageous tartan boots and come with her to the opening of this great new restaurant up on East 54th Street.
-Meanwhile, you are desperately trying to get your butt in great shape while nourishing your inner aspect by learning how to fold napkins in a way that will make them more ecologically sustainable.

Make
-And at that moment your personal trainer calls with this amazing new recipe for a detox face cream consisting of oatmeal, bee pollen, butterfly larvae, organic anti-freeze, sunflower extract, and liquid Lycra.
-How do you cope? This is my method—and it would be great if you tried it, too.
-Get your nanny to look after the kids, your agent to deal with Mendes, your kitchen staff to fold the napkins, your environmentalist to mix the face cream, and your lovely P.A. to book the table.
-You know what? My life is good because I am not passive about it. I invest in what is real. Like real people, to do real things, for the real me.

[From Vanity Fair]

I love it, because it really sounds like Gwyneth. My favorite is the “Be” section. I swear, some of that stuff came right out of Goop. It needs a “William Joel” reference though. Everything needs a “William Joel” reference.

Meanwhile, the Daily Mail has this weird story up about Gwyneth. They claim that Goopy is encouraging all of us to make our own skin care products from brown sugar and oats and other stuff – which she really did, in a Goop newsletter from a few months ago. It’s not really breaking news, I think the Mail just wants to make fun of Goopy for something. With lines like “’The mind wants to focus on flaws. Ease it into remembering the beauty of who you are” it’s not really difficult to have a chuckle.

Gwyneth Paltrow knows we’re all too fat. She needs us to only eat salads for a while, so we’ll be nice and thin for when she returns from her vacation to look down her nose at us. You heard me correctly, the Goop is going on vacation. It’s a Goopcation, and Gwyneth dropped the bad news at the end of this week’s newsletter, just a brief little “Goop is going on vacation…we will see you in September!” Gah! What will do without Goop? Nevermind, she’s left us a few recipes for salads, which I think is the only food we’re supposed to eat while she’s gone. The salad recipes are reminiscent of the time she taught peasants how to make a sandwich, but not as hardcore as when she taught us to de-bone a chicken.

For the dog days of summer. These very tasty, wonderfully easy-to-make salads are terrific on their own, as side dishes or for rounding out your picnic basket. Love, Gwyneth

[From Goop]

On the menu is a chicken salad that is glorified and goopified with walnuts and arugula to make it better than the “standard deli chicken salad (which does have an appeal of its own).” Gwyneth should have added, “(which does have an appeal of its own…for peasants).” To make a Goopy chicken salad, add “peppery arugula, apple and walnuts to the chicken-mayo-celery combo and finished it off with a squeeze of lime for some zing. I love this as an open-faced sandwich on grilled sourdough.” She puts green apple into her chicken salads, which I hate. For me, apples in a chicken salad throw off the texture and overwhelm the wonderful chicken-and-mayo taste.

Gwyneth also has a recipe for an avocado and crab salad with “Marie rose sauce” which Gwyneth describes as “very similar to Russian dressing, is said to have Irish origins.” From what I can tell, “Marie rose sauce” is mayonnaise, ketchup, shallot and lemon juice. Isn’t that, like, McDonald’s special sauce? Just fancy and goopified? Uh… I guess. Her last two recipes are for “cold soba noodle salad” and “Lee’s Asian slaw”. You can read those recipes here.

Bless her snotty, superior heart, she’s trying. She’s trying to make Goop a brandequal to Oprah or Martha Stewart. Lately, she’s been on a real food kick, and I kind of miss Goopy’s musings on clothes and shopping. But, hey, at leastshe’s not calling us “roaches”. To our faces, at least.

Gwyneth is shown on 7/29/09. Credit: PRPhotos

Chuck Taylor, former Billboard writer and senior editor, contributed his behind-the-scenes account of a recent event he attended in New York. The event was a gala for the Children of the City’s Champions of Hope, and Gwyneth Paltrow was the “honored guest” of the evening. Last week, we even covered Gwyneth’s exclusive interview with People Magazine at the event, where she was going on and on about how “corporate America” wanted a piece of her Goop. But, according to Taylor, Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t so nice when she isn’t force-feeding Goop to People Magazine. Taylor overheard Gwyneth referring to the end of the photo call, and he quotes her as saying, “I’m done. Get the roaches out of here.” “The roaches” being the photographers – and mind you, I’m saying “photographers”, not paparazzi. These photographers were invited to the event because the charity wanted more press:

Amid one friggin’ downpour after another, beginning around 2 p.m. and still dribbling past 10 p.m., Ayhan and I were invited to Tribeca Grand this evening for a charity event, where Gwyneth Paltrow was the honored guest. It was supposed to be on the rooftop, but given that the city was sopping, it moved inside.

The press gathered on a balcony above the setting for the $375-a-plate dinner as Paltrow entered amid the typical madness and mania that accompanies any celeb standing in front of camera crews. If you’ve never seen it, you’d almost pity the star (until, of course, you remember that this is a responsibility of their choice to be in the public eye), as photogs shout out, “Gwyneth, look here.” “Look to the right.” “Smile.” “Turn your head.” “You look great.” “Hey, Gwyneth, turn around.” “Look over your shoulder.” “Can you smile again?” It’s truly bombast like nothing else in the entertainment business, and you wonder how these folks manage to look relaxed and smile ever so sweetly.

Then again, you consider that an actress like Paltrow makes $10 million per picture… and empathy evaporates. Deal with it.

For that reason, it was astonishing to hear the disgruntled comments from the press on the elevator, as we were hurried back to the lobby, that Miss Gwyneth was overheard telling her publicist, “I’m done. Get the roaches out of here,” referring to those very photographers that deliver her pictures to the wire services, newspapers and weekly celebrity magazines, helping her maintain any semblance of relevance.

Considering that her last semi-hit film was “Running With Scissors” in 2006—while she is in post-production for action adventure “Iron Man II,” starring Robert Downey Jr., not due until May 2010—you’d think she might maintain the slightest humility.

[From Chuck Taylor’s blog @ The Smoking Nun]

Mostly I believe this because I have absolutely no problems believing with all my heart that Gwyneth is a snotty, entitled, elitist bitch. I can actually see her looking down her nose with that haughty, superior look on her face, and saying in her snotty way, “Get the roaches out of here.” Gwyneth was most likely asked to attend this event under the condition that they could use her image and her interviews to get more press for the charity. So instead, she gives one interview – about her Goop – and then snottily poses for a few pictures, then demands “the roaches” leave. She really is a goopy piece of work, isn’t she?

[Thanks to Blue Skies for the Gawker link!]

Here’s Gwyneth at the Children of the City’s Champions of Hope benefit on July 27th. Thanks to WENN.com and Fame Pictures for the pictures.

What are we going to do with the goop known as Gwyneth Paltrow? Nothing, probably. Maybe we’ll point at her and laugh a little bit. Maybe we’ll mock her and try to come up with new ways to use “goop” in out insults. But I’m now prepared to give this Goop some credit: I’m proud of her and her Goop.

Through this conceited, pretentious, narcissistic little project, a website and weekly newsletters, Gwyneth has found a new kind of relevancy that she hadn’t enjoyed in years. Goop is a success in that many people look forward to Gwyneth’s weekly ruminations on a variety of subjects. True, many of the people “interested” in this stuff are mocking Gwyneth. But we’re doing it every week. And in that way, Gwyneth is giving us joy. Some of us enjoy her opinions – some of us enjoy calling her out for those opinions. It makes us happy, no matter what. Gwyneth and the whole Goop project has become legit. It’s a weekly talking point amongst gossip-mongers and gossip-lovers. Success!

Wednesday night, Gwyneth spoke to People Magazine while attending a gala for the Children of the City’s Champions of Hope. Gwyneth was talking up her Goop something fierce, claiming “corporate America is knocking at my door” and asking her if she’ll hawk their products. But our Gwyneth has Goopy ethics! She’s not just going to promote just any old designer nonsense. She says that Team Goop must adhere to two rules: “No bribes. Also, I won’t say anything negative. If I eat somewhere or stay somewhere and it’s horrible, I won’t talk about it.” Oh, The Ethical, Moral and Kind Goop. How did we function without her?

Move over, O magazine and Martha Stewart Living. GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow’s weekly newsletter packed with clean and green advice on loving, living and cooking is a “big success,” according to Paltrow. “It’s crazy. . . . crazy!”

Paltrow chatted exclusively with PEOPLE about the site at the Children of the City‘s Champions of Hope Benefit Gala at the Tribeca Rooftop last night in N.Y.C. “I just love it. Corporate America is knocking at my door. . . . ‘Will you hawk my product’?”

The answer is clearly no for the star’s very personal project, which even derives its name from her initials G.P. “It started in such an organic way. People ask me, ‘What is it? What are you doing?’ And I don’t know. I did it, am doing it . . . and I love doing it. It is really just a place to disseminate good information,” said the Preen-clad Paltrow.

“People are so grateful that it’s free. It’s just nice to share what you have. And I have all this great information. It’s just a gift. People want me to do all this other stuff. But right now, I just really love doing the site. I love thinking about the letters, what I’m going to write about, what kind of information we can put in there.”

So will Paltrow follow in Paul Newman’s footsteps with his Newman’s Own empire, which raised $250 million dollars in his lifetime for charity? “We’ll do something and give it all back,” she tells PEOPLE exclusively.

But for now, the site, which she creates along with two hands-on staffers, has only two cardinal rules. “No bribes. Also, I won’t say anything negative. If I eat somewhere or stay somewhere and it’s horrible, I won’t talk about it,” she said.

While she has addressed everything from cleansing to frenemies on the site, she’s not about to take on rumors about her personal life on GOOP. “I never address that side of me there,” she insisted. “It is really a place to disseminate good information.”

And it’s not the only way that Paltrow is doing good — she is also a board member of Robin Hood, an organization in part founded by the late John F. Kennedy Jr., which raises money from successful New Yorkers and donates to causes such as Children of the City, the beneficiary of last night’s gala . “They’re really changing lives for kids in New York City at the poverty level or below. They do amazing work. I’m from New York, so any time I get approached to help in a great organization, I can never say no.”

[From People]

Yikes, I don’t want to think about Gwyneth attempting some “Newman’s Own” type project. Although… Goopy’s Own has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it. Or The Goop Trust. The Goop Foundation of Hope for Ungrateful Peasants? That sounds about right. Okay, enough mocking, I’m going to say something else nice about Gwyneth. Isn’t it amazing that she’s stuck with it? I thought she would have gotten bored with this months ago. I’m so glad she’s still giving us her weekly goop!

Gwyneth is shown at an event on Wednesday night. I think that clutch has her kids’ faces in it, it’s very cute. Credit: WENN.com