Heather Mills can’t afford the nearly $30g a day that her fancy lawyers demand to represent her in her divorce proceedings against billionaire rocker Paul McCartney. Instead of writing an IOU or hiring a cheaper lawyer, she’s decided to represent herself in court some of the time. It seems like she could have found a more affordable fill-in lawyer instead of trying to go it alone, but she’s extreme and determined like that.

She’s also rather stupid. If she had a competent lawyer with her at all times she’d be more likely to get a decent settlement. The judge is probably going to give her less in the settlement after listening to her haughty sourpuss arguments. By saving thousands here she’s probably screwing herself out of millions. That sounds like the fiscal strategy of a lot of bosses I’ve worked for.

Heather Mills, the estranged wife of Sir Paul McCartney, has taken the unusual step of representing herself in the divorce battle with the former Beatle.

Ms Mills dispensed with barristers for an appearance at the High Court last week and on Wednesday during applications to keep Sir Paul out of her home and to gain access to his.

It is believed that Ms Mills, who has retained the services of London law firm Mishcon de Reya in the main divorce battle over money and custody of three-year-old daughter Beatrice, is trying to keep her legal costs down. Barristers can charge upwards of £15,000 a day.

Her final legal bill could already top £1 million, although she is likely to receive at least £20 million and as much as £100 million. Sir Paul has an estimated £825 million fortune.

When Ms Mills brought her own action in the High Court last week she was photographed clutching an A4 note pad containing scribbled notes. The notes formed the basis of her speech and were headed: “I’m seeking an order for occupation of the matrimonial home. The decision on her application to have Sir Paul, 64, kept out of her home in Hove, East Sussex, is expected soon.

Everyone and their brother is calling Mills a liar after she claimed that Paul abused her and was cruel to his ex-wife, Linda. Her own father said she’s a notorious liar and that it’s not true that Paul laid a finger on her. The latest person to hate on harpie Heather is Paul’s cousin.

Pictures found at Lainey’s gossip.

All of the latest divorcing celebrity couples share one commonality - they have toddler children. In fact none of the splitting couples are childless and all of them have children between the ages of one to four.

Whenever celebrities get divorced I am particularly interested in their children - how many they have and what ages and genders they are. It struck me that nearly all of the recently-divorcing celebrities have children that are going through toddlerhood and probably bugging the hell out of them. (Along with doing plenty of cute things to soften the blow of random tantrums, like saying new words you know you never taught them.)

I’m not saying that the innocent toddlers were the causes of these Hollywood breakups, children are never to blame for a divorce. It’s just an interesting coincidence. Here are the latest celebrity splits along with the stats on their children.

Chris Rock and Maleek Rock: double toddler trouble
Chris Rock was said to have filed divorce papers in early November of this year, but that turns out not to be true. TMZ reports that Chris and Maleek seem to be giving their relationship of ten years another try. They were photographed out at a charity dinner together last week and have not made their divorce official. They have two toddler daughters, Lola, 4, and Zahra, 2.


Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson: two year-old son
Chris Robinson has finally filed for divorce from Kate Hudson after this unlikely Hollywood couple announced their separation in mid August. They have a two year-old son, Ryder, who is such a handful that they don’t even dare cut his hair.


Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe: one toddler son, an older daughter
Reese Witherspoon wasted no time filing divorce from Ryan Phillippe, who was presumed to be cheating on her with his younger co-star, Abbie Cornish. They announced their separation at the end of October and Reese made it official less than two weeks later. They have two children, Ava, 8, and Deacon, who just turned three.


Heather Mills and Paul McCartney: one toddler daughter
Heather Mills and Paul McCartney seem as ill-suited for each other as an evil harpy and beloved legendary rock star could be. They managed to procreate, though, and it was undoubtedly great sex that got them together in the first place. Their daughter, Beatrice, just turned three.


Britney Spears and Kevin Federline: one soon-to-be toddler, one newborn
What recent celebrity divorce list would be complete without Britney and K-Fed? I almost didn’t include them, though, because Sean Preston turned one in September and only just entered toddlerhood. According to the Wiki, toddlers are between one to three, or maybe two to five, so little SP counts.

These breakups during their children’s toddlerhood may serve a biological purpose. Anthropologists have found that couples typically break up when their children are toddlers, with a peak in breakups after four years together. Having seen their children through the vulnerable baby stage, they are free to find another mate and reproduce again, which is our biological imperative.

The four-year pattern, as well as a tendency to divorce at the height of one’s reproductive years, also makes sense from a sociological point of view. “For instance,” Fisher says, “a prehistoric male who ‘divorced’ his partner after seeing one offspring through infancy would have had the opportunity to pick a younger ’spouse’ more capable of bearing and raising babies. A female might leave one mate to ‘marry’ a better provider for her and her forthcoming children.”

Notable recent celebrity divorces that did not involve toddlers include Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, Eminem and Kim Mathers, and Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear. Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards have two toddlers, though, and I didn’t include them since their split is old news.

Admist seemingly bogus allegations by harpie Heather Mills that Paul McCartney beat her during their nearly four year marriage and was abusive to his beloved ex-wife Linda, Paul McCartney has paid 200,000 pounds, or over $380,000 USD for 20 hours of audiotaped interviews with Linda. Linda McCartney became good friends with Peter Cox, with whom she collaborated on a vegetarian cookbook published in 1989. Cox was in possession of the taped recordings he made with Linda in preparation for the book and had signed a legal agreement in 1998 that he would keep them private. He was forthcoming about their existence, though, and said that he would reveal details of his friendship with Linda if compelled to by a court of law.

Cox recently handed over the tapes to Paul in exchange for the exhorbitant sum of cash in a “secret” meeting that took place in a London restaurant. Paul tried to evade trailing journalists on his way to the meeting, but didn’t shake The Daily Mail, which reported on the incident in its Sunday edition:

Linda is said to have cried on tape and to have revealed intimate details of her married life on the tapes to Cox, who was her dear friend and confidant. She is even said to have considered leaving Paul.

The recordings - which his second wife Heather Mills wants to use as part of her divorce claim that he was abusive towards her - were handed over to Sir Paul during an extraordinary cloak-and-dagger meeting in a Central London cafe.

Sir Paul bought the tapes from literary agent Peter Cox, who made them with Linda when he was co-authoring her 1989 book Linda McCartney’s Home Cooking.

The two men met up in Eat in Soho Square on Wednesday morning and spent almost half an hour together as the ex-Beatle poured his heart out about his marital troubles in full view of their astonished fellow diners.

Customers in the cafe told how they overhead Sir Paul claim that Heather has demanded an £80million divorce settlement - the first time anyone in the divorce has revealed what she is actually asking for.

“Everyone recognised him the moment he walked in,” a customer said. “There was a bearded guy waiting for him and they took the table next to me. Paul didn’t seem to be worried about who was listening or he wouldn’t have spoken the way he did.

“He started off talking about what great kids he had but the subject soon changed to Heather and that was when he became very agitated and upset.

“I remember him saying that all she thought about was money and that she had asked for £80million. He said something like, ‘She is going to take me for £80million, because we now know it’s for £80million. All she thinks about is dollars’. He even drew dollar signs to emphasise it.”

Sir Paul also repeatedly branded his estranged wife a liar, adding: “Everyone knows she is a liar, she even lied in her autobiography. Everybody knows that…”

Sir Paul was dressed in a stylish dark suit with a crisp white shirt underneath, according to one diner.

She added: “He came in and was very friendly to everyone. I remember him asking the Polish waitress were she was from. The bearded guy was carrying this huge white envelope, and when they sat down together he put it down next to Paul and said, “This is for you”.

“Paul immediately picked it up, broke the seal and began rummaging inside. Then he turned to the bearded guy and said something like, ‘We must keep this out of the papers…’

“He said, ‘She’s (Heather) not at all nice, or at all compassionate, she just wants the money’. He drew the dollar sign in the air again. Then he said something like, ‘She wants it all, but no, we’ll try to find a way to sort it out’.

“Paul said he was trying to put it all to the back of his mind but said he was ‘entrenched’ by it.

“He did this thing with his hands, with two fingers pointing at each other, saying how they were so at odds with each other.

“Paul said he had tried to remain on friendly terms with her after they separated but then said she ‘flipped’.

“He said, ‘I was prepared to settle things amicably but suddenly Heather turned and something happened to her after that. She has told so many lies like the one about me being a drunk - just because I sometimes go to pubs. It’s all a pack of lies you know, that I am stingy - that’s another one‘.”

The diner added: “Paul said, ‘When she wrote her autobiography she lied, you know, we all know that. Saying I was a drunk and that I used her. It’s not true. She lies and lies. Then it all goes on and on with her playing up to the papers.

“‘And it’s all c**p and rubbish. If she doesn’t get what she wants she’ll pick a fight. It’s all lies that she has told her solicitors and all I can do is to try and keep calm. It’s just my luck to have all these problems. I am really miserable, bullied actually. It just p***** me off, it is such c**p. I am being described as a b****** and it’s just not true’.”

She added: “He said no one had told him what Heather was really like when he married her. He said his daughter Stella was the only one who warned him. Then he said, “She (Heather) really hates Stella“.”

The diner said that soon afterwards Sir Paul announced that he had to go to a meeting. She added: “He left with the big envelope the other guy brought in and I saw him get into a people carrier waiting up the street.”

Linda succumbed to breast cancer in 1998, and is said to have never spent a night apart from Paul in the 30 years she was with him. Paul’s relationship with Linda is generally considered beyond reproach, and nearly everyone thinks Heather Mills is the guilty lying party in his recent divorce. This latest news makes it seem as if McCartney had something to hide, and indeed Cox has said that Linda often had to borrow five or ten pounds when they were out together because Paul didn’t give her even a little bit of cash to spend. No one’s marriage is perfect, though, and Paul might be buying the tapes as insurance in case Heather decides to use any of his wife’s intimate chats with a friend against him.

Paul told the BBC on Saturday that he doesn’t hold grudges against anyone, and that he’s understandably sad, but that life goes on and that he’s optimistic about it. He said “When you are going through difficulties, I think the thing to do for the sake of all the people concerned is to keep a certain dignity and remember that it is a private affair.”

Heather’s first husband claims she beat the crap out of him (thanks Agent Bedhead for the tip), and her own father says that she’s a liar and that he believes Paul. If anything went on in Paul’s first marriage, it was probably the normal problems that every couple has. I’ll choose to believe a beloved rock legend over an ex prostitute and porn model any day, and hopefully the courts will agree with me.

Heather Mills’ plan to try and smear the good name of Paul McCartney is about to blow up in her face. Someone leaked details of Mills’ explosive allegations against Sir Paul in the divorce papers to the British press. While Mills denies being the source of the leak, which was received by anonymous fax, she does not deny making the claims.

One of Heather’s friends says that she has videotape and audiotape to back up her unbelievable account of her relationship with the gentle Beatles’ star. They also claim that Paul beat up his first beloved wife, Linda!

Paul’s friend and former aide of 15 years, Geoff Baker, was fired in 2004 because he didn’t get along with harpy Heather. He still defends Paul and says that by no stretch of the imagination is he capable of what Heather is claiming. He says that he was around at the time that Heather claims Paul beat her, and that it was Heather who made the relationship abusive and unbearable. He refutes her claims point by point, basically making her seem like a lying idiot:

So while Paul may take the high road and say that he’ll see the bitch in court, his friends are more than willing to come to his defense and reveal what a liar Heather is.

Along with being a hooker and a porn model, Heather tried to impersonate a journalist called Heather Mills in the early 90s. The more respectable Heather Mills says that Heather tried to secure work as a TV journalist by using her identity and clippings from her published work.

All of this blatant fabrication should cost Heather millions, and perhaps the custody of the couple’s two year-old daughter, Beatrice. Legal experts say that all of these lies will count against Heather in the divorce settlement. She may care dearly about Paul’s money, but her dedication to her daughter is suspect. It is said that she left Paul alone with little Beatrice for days.

The guy responsible for introducing grieving Paul McCartney to acerbic activist Heather Mills cannot believe the bullshit she’s claiming against the beloved rocker in the leaked divorce papers. He says he’s really sorry for even bringing them together in the first place, and that Heather is an opportunistic liar:

[via Lainey’s Gossip]

That’s precious. Heather Mills is making shit up about Paul and it’s only making her look bad. I hope lots more comes out in the divorce details.

This woman was a hooker and a porn model before she rose to fame after losing her leg in an accident. She landed the head Beatle, and she couldn’t stand sharing the spotlight with him. Now she won’t have to, because the press is going to be looking at her with intense scrutiny now, and all the bugs she has under the carpet are going to come scurrying out.

In a page taken from Denise Richard’s divorce book, harpy Heather Mills has levelled a barrage of abuse claims against rock legend Paul McCartney, including allegations that he cut her with a broken wine glass, shoved her while she was pregnant, and was made to stop breastfeeding their child because McCartney claimed her boobs were for his enjoyment alone.

Instead of addressing any of her ridiculous claims, McCartney has issued a blanket statement saying he’ll see the bitch in court. Heather Mills is reportedly “shocked” by the news that she made those allegations against Paul, but considering that she didn’t deny making them, it’s safe to assume she’s just “shocked” by the fact that the news spread so quickly:

Normally I would feel sympathy for an abused wife, but considering the amount of money at stake and the fact that it’s Heather Mills making the allegations, I seriously doubt much of this is true. If it was accurate, wouldn’t she have called the police or a friend or something? This is Paul McCartney, and it seems like news that he was so vicious to his wife would have been leaked to the rabid British tabloids at the time.

In a classy ever-so-subtle dig at the harpie he’s divorcing, Heather Mills, Paul McCartney has dedicated his new album to the memory of his dear wife, Linda, who succumbed to breast cancer in 1998. He held a press conference for his new classical album, Ecce Cor Meum (Behold My Heart). He spoke of how he poured his pain into the new album and used it as a way to work though his sadness. He ended the press conference good-naturedly when a reporter asked about his divorce:

Paul had such a bond with Linda, and it’s sad and bittersweet that he is dedicating this album to her.

There was a report that Heather Mills was banned from a supermarket this weekend after being recognized for shoplifting there as a teenager, but that was undoubtedly a story made up by the British press, who are now free to make fun of her openly. (I may not believe that story, but I do think she was a high-paid hooker in the 80s. NSFW)

Heather and Paul’s divorce is said to be moving along amicably, with people speculating she could receive up to 200 million of his 800 million pound fortune as a settlement. Paul and Heather did not have a prenuptual agreement.

Thanks to Best Week Ever for the header picture of Paul showing us his real worth.

Heather Mills, of course, had to open her big mouth to deny that she was a high paid hooker back in the 80s and early 90s, as was reported in convincing detail yesterday in The News of the World.

Mills says she’s going to sue News of the World, uh, when her divorce is final. Yeah, right. She’s just threatening legal action to make it look like the story’s false, but she won’t take it to court because she can’t prove it’s not true.

Now TWO more books have come out showing Heather nude and simulating sex . We can’t wait to hear how she’s going to address these pictures, because you know she’s going to say something stupid trying to defend herself:

Some readers think McCartney is funding the research into Heather’s raunchy past in order to avoid losing a significant portion of his estate in the divorce. This seems like the most plausible explanation to us. The papers are saying how surprised and devastated he is by all this, which sounds a bit too put-on for our taste. Reader Millie thinks that the British press might just be out for blood now that the divorce is underway. Either way, Heather needs to shut up and hide out until this passes over. She’s coming off as an even less sympathetic character.

Here are Heather and Paul on the celebrity edition of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire.” He looks quite uncomfortable, and it is said that Heather forced him to do the show. She leans away from Paul and her body language is telling.

That video is part one of three.
Part two of “Who wants to be a Millionaire” with Paul and Heather
Part three of “Who wants to be a Millionaire” with Paul and Heather

And here are the raunchy pictures.

Heather Mills says that sex book she posed for in the 80s wasn’t hardcore porn at all - it was just an innocent “Lover’s Guide” meant to help frigid Germans better connect with their significant others.

It seems like the poses in the book are effective, because the guy she’s pictured with says he made sweet love to her afterwards:

There’s also no way that book is just a how-to manual, since there is no text in it that would add even a smidgeon of legitimacy to Mills’ claim.

The Sun asked everyday people to review it for uh, educational content, and they were unanimous that it’s porn:

The more details we learn, the more it seems like the leak of these dirty pictures is definitely beneficial to Sir Paul, even if he didn’t get joint custody of his daughter.