I’m pretty sure Heidi Fleiss has never gotten one word of press that was about her doing something that wasn’t one hundred percent skanky. Just looking at her face makes my skin crawl. Those flat, dead, saggy eyes and those dead jelly lips just make her look like one of those giant fish you see on ice in the seafood section of your grocery store. If I could draw, I would draw a picture of one of those fish, and then draw the same thing with Heidi Fleiss’ face on its head, and I swear to God they would look the exact same. Yesterday the only woman in the entire world who can make Paris Hilton look classy was arrested in Pahrump Nevada and given a DUI. She was under the influence of Vicodin, which is a controlled substance. And she didn’t have a prescription for it. She was charged with possession of a controlled substance and driving under the influence.

Fleiss was pulled over at about 9:30 a.m. by sheriff’s deputies responding to a report of a possible drunken driver, the Nye County sheriff’s office said. Fleiss, 42, and a passenger in the car, John Owen, were found to be under the influence of a controlled substance, the sheriff’s office said. Fleiss had prescription medication but could not produce a valid prescription, the sheriff’s office said.

Fleiss was arrested on four counts, including possession of dangerous drugs without a prescription and driving under the influence. Owen, 53, was arrested on charges of being under the influence of a controlled substance and possession of marijuana. She posted bail of $1,376, while Owen posted bail of $1,264. Both were released.

[From the Associated Press]

Fleiss told Reuters that she has a prescription for the Vicodin but didn’t have it on her. While I’m not inclined to believe Heidi Fleiss as a general rule, it’s not out of the ordinary for someone to put pills in their purse or a pill box - I do all the time. Thus you wouldn’t have the prescription on you. Of course she still drove while under the influence of the Vicodin, and presenting a valid prescription won’t make that go away.

So what’s a sexy gal with everything going for her like Heidi Fleiss doing in a town with such an unsexy name like Pahrump? Wait, that is a sexy name, because it kind of sounds like hump. Anyway, Heidi owns a coin-operated laundry called Dirty Laundry. Talk about high class. She also noted to the Las Vegas Review Journal that the ONLY regret she had about last night is how terrible she looks in her mug shot. Fleiss explained that she hadn’t showered… and her clothes were covered with bathroom grout… and bird droppings. I did not make up a word of that, that really was her explanation. She failed to explain why her clothes were covered in bird droppings and tile grout at 9:30 on a Thursday evening. Heidi Fleiss also did not present any explanation for why her face looks the way it does. Or apologize for it. And that’s the greatest tragedy of all.

Here are the mugshots for Heidi Fleiss and passenger John Owen.

Ear-biting former world heavyweight champion Mike Tyson is going to work in Heidi Fleiss’ male brothel in Nevada. Prostitution is legal in Nevada outside of the city of Las Vegas, and is monitored by state agencies. Fleiss says Tyson will be her “big stalllion.” *shudder*

Former boxing champion Mike Tyson is to become a male escort after agreeing to work at legendary Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss’ new legalized brothel for women. Fleiss bought 60 acres of land in Nevada, and his work is scheduled to begin on Heidi’s Stud Farm.

She has high hopes for Tyson, once heavyweight champion of the world - despite the fact he is a convicted rapist.

She says, “I told him, ‘You’re going to be my big stallion.’ It’s every man’s fear that their girlfriend will go for Mike Tyson.”

Tyson, 40, adds, “I don’t care what any man says, it’s every man’s dream to please every woman - and get paid for it.”

Tyson was convicted of raping an 18 year-old beauty contestant 15 years ago, and served three years out of a six year sentence in prison. He bit Evander Holyfield on both his ears during a 1997 boxing match and was disqualified. He also spent nine months in jail in 1999 for beating up two people after a car accident.

Tyson declared bankruptcy in 2003 and said in a recent interview that he was considering going into the porn business to make ends meet.

Who in their right mind would pay this guy to fuck them?

Heidi Fleiss is the process of applying for a license for her stud farm, and is now accepting applications from elgible male prostitutes.