Some people are just inherently classy, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ll say to them, “Hey, why don’t you relax, be a little more casual, you’re getting borderline uptight with all of your sophistication. Come mingle with the commoners.” Porn star/former California gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey is just such a lady. Not content with organizing a bake sale, Carey has decided to auction off her recently-removed 36-D implants and donate part of the money to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. The rest of the funds will go towards paying her mother’s medical bills. She jumped off a four-story building in 2006, and obviously suffered major injuries. She’s had 11 surgeries since then.

So far the bidding is at $210 with 44 bids. There’s a little over eight days left. The eBay listing notes:

Have a very “Mary” Christmas and win the best stocking stuffer of all time. Mary Carey… is giving holiday shoppers an opportunity to take home what could be the seasons’ best stocking stuffer – her recently removed breast implants.

“Now that I’m sober, I wanted a new physical state to go along with my new mental state,” said Carey. “I thought the auction would be a great way to spread some holiday cheer and to make sure someone out there has a Mary Mary Christmas.”

[From eBay]

Mary is one of the participants on VH1’s upcoming “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. “ VH1 hasn’t said what addictions each of the participants is dealing with. But apparently the breast implants have to do with her sobriety… and her mother… Carey gives a rather convoluted reason that I could interpret several ways, if I wanted to sit around and try to get into her head.

“I’m actually overall very anti-plastic surgery,” Carey said. “I watched my mom go through 11 surgeries (for her injuries) and it’s like, for me to voluntarily put myself through that, the only right thing to do is make money and donate it to charity.” Carey said the size 36-D implants were taken out two weeks ago and replaced with larger 36-DDDs and while under anesthesia she realized they could be used to raise money for breast cancer research. “The doctors asked me what I wanted to do with them and I said, ‘You know what, I’m going to keep them and try to sell them. Because my grandmother had breast cancer,” Carey told Reuters in an interview. “Now that I’m sober, I wanted a new physical state to go along with my new mental state. I thought the auction would be a great way to spread some holiday cheer and to make sure someone out there has a Mary Mary Christmas.”

[From Gossip Boulevard]

Oh my. I don’t know what I can add to that. I guess it’s a good thing that maybe her heart is in the right place? Probably? Considering the whole situation with her mother, I really don’t feel like I should be making jokes. So I’m just trying to present the statements Mary has given, with as little commentary as possible. Wikipedia notes that Mary’s mother has Fetal alcohol syndrome, and IMDB says she’s also been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Mary’s father has s cerebral palsy. Her grandparents got custody of her when she was three months old and later adopted her. Eventually her mother came to live with them as well. I have no idea to what extent porn stars are honest about their pasts and what’s invented, but the general story on the internet is that Mary’s grandparents put her in dance classes, in which she excelled and performed with the Miami City Ballet when she was 12. She won several dance scholarships, and ended up at Florida State University’s dance team. Her grandparents both got sick and she started working as a stripper, and then a porn star, to support the family. Depending on its accuracy, it’s an interesting and sad story. Never thought I’d say this, but it makes me hope Mary Carey’s implants fetch a lot of money. Bid away, readers.

I think most of us go through a phase where we like to consider ourselves unusual, odd, or subversive. Generally this occurs during the teenage years, but it can last a little longer… or in some cases never go away. For this reason alone, Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter seem to be the perfect pair. There are a bunch of other quirky reasons, but most of them fall under the heading of “Personality quirks of people who never grew out of THAT phase.” Case in point: Bonham Carter says Burton decorates his Christmas tree with dead babies and slime balls. I assume Tim Burton and Marilyn Manson have the same interior designer.

The household of Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter is outfitted for Christmas – just not in the traditional manner. “He decorates it with dead babies and slime balls and things,” Carter, 41, tells Playboy magazine in its January issue, about trimming the tree with boyfriend (of six years) Burton, 49. “It looks lovely and glittery from afar, and then as you get closer, you realize it’s rather gory.”

Lest anyone get the wrong idea, Carter, who stars with Johnny Depp in Burton’s new movie musical Sweeney Todd, says, “We’re not that dark. What I love about Tim is that he retains a certain innocence and a childlike quality.

[From People]

Talk about looking at it through the eyes of love. It is sweet that Helena sees Burton’s eccentricities as adorable. And they’re certainly one of those couples that match and make a lot of sense together. Though lately the two have also looked perpetually terrified together. But at least it seems to be a shared emotion. The couple lives together, but not really together. They have separate houses that are attached. I have to say, once having lived with a boyfriend for two and a half years, I really can’t argue with that logic, in terms of maintaining long-term sanity. I joke, but hey, whatever works for you. They certainly seem happy together. Burton and Bonham Carter are expecting their second child in late December. Helena noted that they’re both unconventional parents. Shocking.

He sort of forgot to grow up. I think I’ve definitely forgotten to grow up, which is great.” Carter, who in 2003 gave birth to the couple’s son Billy Ray… adds with a laugh, “At some point, [Billy] will probably want parents. He’ll have to look elsewhere.”

[From People]

Well as long as you don’t drive with the baby in your lap or use the soft spot on their head as an ashtray (I stole that from a “Family Guy” parody of Britney Spears… but I’m pretty sure she has done that), I guess you’re a pretty good parent by celebrity standards. They’ll probably be fun and weird parents, and hopefully will figure out how to be not-so-fun regular parents when need be. Or they can just play with slime balls.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter are shown at the Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix premiere on 7/3/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

As far as rich parents go, I have to say that being Madonna’s kid would not be on the top of my wish list. I’d probably start with Victoria Beckham or someone known for flaunting and needlessly squandering their money. At the very least, I’d aim for a rich parent that was known not to pay a lot of attention to their home life. Madonna – long known as a pretty extreme control freak – brings her highly regimented lifestyle into every facet of her existence – including holidays. It seems that her kids only get three Christmas presents. Though considering last week I read that they didn’t even celebrate Christmas, three presents seems like a pretty good deal.

Santa Claus keeps it sparse when it comes to the Madonna-Ritchie household. “The kids are only allowed three presents,” Guy Ritchie told Extra in an interview airing Friday. But their children — Lourdes, 11, Rocco, 7 and adopted son David Banda, 2 — don’t seem to mind. “As long as the kids get three presents at Christmas, everyone’s being happy,” he said.

Ritchie, 39, said more little ones may be on the way for the Material Mom, 49. “Who knows?” he said. “My wife and myself like kids so we’ll have to wait and see what happens.”

Ritchie also debunked rumors that he and his family are converting to Judaism. (Madonna and co. study Kabbalah, a form of Jewish mysticism.) “I don’t think anyone’s converted to Judaism in my family,” he said. “I’m completely unaware of that. I have not converted to Judaism and neither has my wife.”

[From Us Weekly]

I’m not sure Madonna should have more kids. They might cut into her vigorous workout schedule or something. Remember the first day she brought David home [why in the world haven’t they changed his last name?] she still made sure to leave the kid with a nanny so she could get her gym time in. Normally I would say a celebrity not over-indulging their kid is a good thing, but I really don’t think Madonna’s type-a-to-the-extreme personality should be praised. Let’s hope it’s at least three REALLY expensive presents.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Madonna and Guy Richie are shown at the Revolver screening in NY last night. Thanks to WENN for this picture.