Breaking news: Brad Pitt is old. He’s so old, his bones are brittle and his joints ache. He’s so old, he has to walk with a cane. Seriously! These are photos of Brad walking with a cane “while leaving a skin care spa” on Thursday in Beverly Hills. Sorry I buried the lead: Brad Pitt gets fancy facials in Beverly Hills. While using a cane! Anyhoodle, since I can just feel your fingers itching to write something nasty about how I totally HATE OLD PEOPLE and how Brad really isn’t that old – chillax, bitches! Brad is old, compared to me (sort of). Brad is still a very youthful man, I think. And as for the cane – he actually has a medical reason for it, and it doesn’t involve Angelina whipping his old ass until he busted something. Well, actually…

Brad Pitt can’t always lean on Angelina Jolie when he’s in pain — which might explain why he’s using a cane!

The 48-year-old actor stepped out in Beverly Hills Thursday with the aid of a walking stick. “He tore his MCL,” a source tells Just Jared, explaining that Pitt injured one of four ligaments that stabilizes the knee joint.

The cause of the World War Z actor’s injury is not yet known — nor is the reason he chose to wear an all black jumpsuit.

As of now, Pitt is still expected to walk the red carpet at the 69th Annual Golden Globes on January 15. The Tree of Life actor is nominated for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama alongside George Clooney (The Descendants), Leonardo DiCaprio (J. Edgar), Michael Fassbender (Shame) and Ryan Gosling (The Ides of March).

[From Us Weekly]

Maybe Brad and George Clooney have more in common than we think. I’ve long assumed that all of George’s injuries from the past few years are sexcapade-related, and now I’m wondering if Angelina didn’t kneecap Brad for mentioning the name “Jennifer Aniston.” Only Angelina would kneecap her man and then send him out to get a facial. “Bitch, if you don’t exfoliate, I’m gonna cap that ass.”

Photos courtesy of Fame.

By all accounts, Jeremy Renner is a fun dude to hang out with. He became famous when he was well into his 30s, so he spent most of his formative adult years actually living, working, developing opinions and interests, and he actually has stuff to say. He also throws a great party (reportedly) and he likes to hang out in bars, with girls (reportedly). So Jeremy found himself in a bar in Phuket, Thailand with a group of friends. At first, I wondered if Jeremy was in Thailand on some kind of vacation, but his IMDB indicates that he’s currently working on The Bourne Legacy, so they’re probably filming scenes there. Anyway, Renner was at the bar with some friends, and a fight broke out. And somebody got AXED. Seriously.

Jeremy Renner was attacked in Phuket, Thailand in an early morning bar brawl that left one man in serious condition after getting slashed in the neck with a rotor axe.

Thai authorities say Jeremy and his party had been bar hopping and ended up at the club where the violence broke out at 4:30 AM, after hours. One of the men in Jeremy’s party — Vorasit Issara, the General Manager of the Siri Panwa Resort — dropped a glass on the floor and apparently that started the melee.

Six men — who apparently worked at the bar — then allegedly attacked Jeremy, Vorasit and the others in their party. In addition to being stabbed in the neck, Vorasit was stabbed in the stomach with a knife.

One source claims Vorasit was drinking and was in a heated argument with the bar staff immediately before the attack. The six men who attacked Jeremy’s group were arrested.

Jeremy suffered minor injuries.

UPDATE 8:15AM PT: According to his rep, Jeremy left the bar when the fight broke out … and was not injured at all.

[From TMZ]

Hm, that’s interesting that Renner’s rep denied that Renner was injured. I have a hard time believing that Jeremy would walk away from a bar fight, especially if a person in his group was being attacked. Jeremy just seems like the tough little dude who would jump into the middle of the fight and start throwing punches and kicks, insurance liabilities be damned. We’ll see how this story plays out.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Back in the day, when George Clooney was dating Sarah Larson, the two of them got in a “motorcycle accident” which left her in a cast and left Clooney scuffed up. Then a few years later, in 2009, Clooney was with Elisabetta Canalis when he “injured his hand” and had to wear some kind of cast for a little while. The explanation that time was that he had “shut the car door on his hand.” I cannot emphasize enough how much I do not believe these explanations. I cannot emphasize enough what a kinky bastard Clooney is, and how (in my mind) he’s into rough trade and he’s not afraid of bruises. Just last week, Clooney got all excited when describing how big and burly Stacy Keibler is and how she can “kick his ass” easily. And now this… a (sex) injury. Clooney was spotted at the Baltimore Ravens game on Sunday sporting some kind of elbow cast.

Stacy Keibler tweeted about it too, writing: “You kno its love when your boyfriend has elbow surgery 2 days ago and takes u to a #ravens game…especially when he’s a Bengals fan.” LOVE? Ugh. Also, People Magazine notes, “There was no word on why Clooney needed the surgery.” Can’t the answer just be “because he’s a kinky bastard”? Like, that’s the answer to everything. Why can’t George Clooney find a nice, smart girl and settle down? Why hasn’t Clooney won the Best Actor Oscar so far? Why does Clooney bring rent-a-dates to the Oscars? Why does every new “girlfriend” come with a new “injury”? BECAUSE HE’S A KINKY BASTARD.

By the way, Lainey notes that Stacy used to have this photo (below) on her Twitter page, and she seems to have deleted it. Hooker over-stepped!

Header photo courtesy of Jonathan Ogden’s Twitter. Additional pics by WENN.

Back in 2004-05, George Clooney put on a lot of weight for a supporting role in Syriana. In the film (which I still have never seen), Clooney’s character is apparently being tortured, and as the scene progressed, Clooney did serious damage to his back. It was a serious enough injury that Clooney’s has had several surgeries to try to repair the damage, and I believe he still lives in pain. He even had to withdraw from The Man From U.N.C.L.E. because the stunt work would be too much for him. As I continue to see photos of Clooney’s press tour for The Ides of March and The Descendants, I’ve quietly begun to wonder if Clooney’s back isn’t still in bad shape. On many red carpets, Clooney’s shoulders have been slumped, and when he thinks the camera isn’t on him, he’s often mid-grimace. In Clooney’s recent Rolling Stone interview, he talks in detail about what it was like living in physical pain, and how he contemplated suicide:

George Clooney won his Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his role in Syriana (2005), but you have to wonder if he winces every time he glances at his shiny trophy. Playing a bearded CIA operative caught up in the shifting sands of Middle East geopolitics, Clooney injured his spine during a scene in which his character is taped to a chair and tortured. Several surgeries were required to fix the problem, but Clooney still complains of rattling headaches. Back in 2005, he told Fresh Air’s Terry Gross that the pain became so persistent and aggravating at one point that he actually contemplated suicide. In the most recent issue of Rolling Stone, Clooney goes in to greater detail:

“I was at a point where I thought, ‘I can’t exist like this. I can’t actually live.’ I was lying in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm, unable to move, having these headaches where it feels like you’re having a stroke, and for a short three-week period, I started to think, ‘I may have to do something drastic about this.’ You start to think in terms of, you don’t want to leave a mess, so go in the garage, go in the car, start the engine. It seems like the nicest way to do it, but I never thought I’d get there. See, I was in a place where I was trying to figure out how to survive.”

[From Entertainment Weekly]

Poor guy. Now I feel bad for joking about how old he is. I mean, he is too old for these young chicas, and now we know that he probably doesn’t do much with them besides look. He just wants someone pretty on his arm, and for them not to jostle him! Poor George. I hate pain. I fear pain. I can totally understand having a moment of “I can’t live in this kind of constant pain, so maybe I should just end it.” I’m not saying it’s right or recommending it or ANYTHING, I’m just saying that I understand, and good for Clooney for finding a way to live with it.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

This story makes me sad. Apparently Taylor Armstrong got paid $125,000 for those photos of her bruised face that were shown on Entertainment Tonight. Taylor’s interview with ET airs tonight and I’m interested in what she has to say. Given all we know about her I doubt it’s going to be particularly insightful. I know that sounds so bitchy to say given the terrible circumstances, but it’s hard to avoid saying it. To clarify: Taylor was the victim of some horrific abuse at the hands of her late husband, and it’s definitely her story to tell however she needs to tell it. We know Taylor is a piece of work, but that’s not stopping us from 1. feeling deeply for her for what she went through and 2. believing her side of the story, which is backed up with some powerful evidence. Only Russell’s lawyers want us to believe that evidence was faked. We know Russell abused at least two of his exes, according to reports they filed and restraining orders they took out against him at the time. But Russell, who committed suicide last month, has a lawyer who claims that Taylor got that black eye from either “plastic surgery” or a “football” to the face. That’s despicable to say.

Taylor Armstrong has sunk to a new low, according to her late husband’s lawyer — who claims the black eye photos she recently sold for 6 figures to E.T. are nothing but a shameless hoax.

The lawyer, Ronald Richards, tells TMZ … the injuries depicted in the pictures were not inflicted by Russell.

According to Ronald, the injuries in the photos are either from plastic surgery … or a recent incident involving a football to the face — but not from domestic violence.

Richards tells TMZ, “If Mr. Armstrong was the cause of those injuries he would have been arrested and prosecuted.” Richards also notes … Taylor never filed a police report.

Sources close to Taylor insist the pics are legit — claiming Taylor never reported any injuries because she was under enormous pressure to keep up appearances for the show.

As one source puts it — the black eye pics are just the tip of the iceberg … the rest make Rihanna’s battered face “look like child’s play.”

[From TMZ]

Check out the abuse photos. (I’m not posting them here again.) If she had plastic surgery, she would have had bruises around both eyes and not just around one eye. Plus, how would a football cause that much damage? The fact that the attorney had two different explanations and then says “well my client would have been arrested if he did this” sounds like he’s grasping at straws. I guess Russell hired a lawyer as shifty as he was.

I still haven’t been keeping up with “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” Those of you who are still watching can tell me if it’s been worth it, but I doubt it. The show is too sad now that we know that Russell killed himself.

Taylor is shown with Kennedy in April and with Russell in October of last year. Credit: PRPhotos

Gary Coleman is having a rough 2010 so far. The diminutive former child star was hospitalized earlier this week after having a seizure, which he says is the result of a tumble down some stairs and a head injury. Other media outlets claim the seizure was caused by his ongoing kidney dialysis treatments, but not so, says Gary: “My brain was rattling around a little bit,” is his official explanation. Gary is also peeved about a film he just finished in which a body double was used for him in a full frontal nude scene. Apparently, Gary isn’t happy about the appearance of the stand-in the film director chose.

Less than a day after suffering a seizure, Diff’rent Strokes star Gary Coleman says he’s recovered and ready to talk about his health, his marriage and, yes, his penis.

Sporting a bandaged forehead and walking with a cane, the former child star sat down with E! News today less than 24 hours after being released from a Los Angeles hospital. The actor says he suffered a seizure in his hotel room as he was giving a round of telephone interviews Wednesday morning—and it wasn’t his first such scare.

“I had a seizure yesterday, and I’m a little weak on my left side, but I’m perfectly fine.” Coleman says the bump on his head and the cane were actually the result of a tumble at his Utah home on New Year’s Day and not due to yesterday’s episode. “I fell down the stairs—not because of a party—but because I was rushing to open the door for someone. I got a little damaged. And then 20 minutes later I had another seizure. So it looks like my brain’s being rattled inside my head for some reason.”

In Los Angeles to protest a straight-to-DVD film he costarred in called Midgets vs. Mascots, Coleman alleges the filmmakers used a body double for nude scenes in the movie. He says he plans to sue and prevent the moviemakers from selling any more copies of the film.

“I wanted all my fans and all your fans to protest my penis being in the movie, because I didn’t want that. It’s a body double, I believe, because I certainly was not gonna do this. And I heard that the body double is ugly, and is unattractive, and does not make me look good.”

And what do the film’s producers have to say? Read on…

The producers released the following statement.

“With regards to Gary Coleman’s displeasure with a scene in the film in which he briefly shows full frontal nudity, the producers of the film have multiple contracts—signed by Gary—which give the filmmakers full rights and permissions to shoot any and all footage, including nudity, during the making of the film. Therefore, we have no plans to remove that particular scene from the film. We met with Gary this morning and he is aware of our decision.”

Coleman says he plans to head back to Utah today, where he lives with his wife, Shannon Price. Though the couple has made headlines over the years for their domestic scuffles, he says they’ve settled into married life and are making it work.

“My wife and I are getting along great. When you live with someone, and it’s a life-term, lifelong kind of thing, you learn what makes that person tick. So I think I’m doing OK for a newly married husband. It’s a work in progress. I’m not someone that gives up.”

The actor also has a message to share with his fans: He’s got a lot of life left to live.

“I got 40 years in me yet. I ain’t going nowhere. A lot of these heiresses and a lot of these multi-billionaire people, you know, they’re dying here lately. I don’t understand that. I don’t know why that’s happening. But it’s certainly not happening on my side of the street.”

[From E!Online]

Gary has had a rough adult life, but he keeps on trying, you have to give him that. I hope he feels better soon – about the head injury, the seizure, and the unattractive body double. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if Gary might be better off leaving Hollywood behind and getting into another line of work that might be more lucrative and less demeaning. “Midgets vs. Mascots” sounds rather exploitative to me. At this point, that’s probably the best offer Gary gets these days.

In sad news, media outlets out of Florida are reporting that Tiger Woods has been in a very serious car accident. Apparently this happened very early this morning, at 2:25 a.m. Tiger was driving his Cadillac SUV out of his Windermere estate into a fire hydrant, then a neighbor’s tree. He was transported to the Health Central Hospital in Ocoee, Florida under the status “serious condition”. But currently updated reports indicated that Tiger has already been released, and that he was treated for facial lacerations.

The crash is being investigated by Florida officials, but so far the initial reports indicate that alcohol was not a factor. I know, right? That was my first thought: “Drunk a-hole hits fire hydrant, then tree.” However, there are some reports that he might not have been wearing his seat belt, and his air bags did not deploy.

Updates are coming in with regards to the Tiger Woods car crash that occurred earlier Friday morning. Reportedly, Woods, 33, pulled out of his driveway in the Isleworth community when he struck a fire hydrant, and then drove into a tree at his neighbor’s property.

The accident occurred at 2:25 AM Friday morning. Authorities at the Florida Highway Patrol (FHP) cited the injuries as serious. However, Windermere Mayor Gary Bruhn told CNN that the golf superstar was taken to Health Central Hospital, where he was treated for facial lacerations and released.

The FHP has said that the crash is under investigation, and “charges are pending.” It was not clear who could face charges. The accident did not appear to have been alcohol-related, a police statement said.

Tiger Woods was driving his 2009 Cadillac Escalade when the accident occurred. However, the airbags were not deployed in the accident. This means that the car was either traveling less than 33 MPH, or that they were inoperable.

According to his official website, TigerWoods.com, the golfer is in the midst of a two-week break. Woods next scheduled tournament is Dec. 3-6 at the Chevron World Challenge in Thousand Oaks, CA. He has won 93 tournaments, 71 of those on the PGA Tour.

Woods lives in an exclusive subdivision of Isleworth near Orlando, FL with his wife, supermodel Elin Nordegren, and two children. Property records indicate his home is valued at $2.4 million.

[From Huliq]

Okay, the first thing to come to my mind was “drunk”. The second thing was “horrible fight with his wife over reports of his affair that made him angrily leave his property in the middle of the night and drive into a tree.” Is that terrible? It’s just that the National Enquirer’s affair story is the only news about Tiger the past few weeks, so it just popped into my head. I didn’t mean to be horrible about it. It sucks that he was in an accident, and our thoughts are with him and his family.

Update by Celebitchy: Kaiser is most likely right that the accident was caused by a fight between Woods and his wife. The most important thing is that Woods is home and is fine now. TMZ is reporting that the scratches on his face were inflicted by his wife when she confronted him about the alleged affair. He then took off in the car and she followed him, hitting the back of the Escalade with a golf club. Woods hit a fire hydrant and then a tree while his wife was behind him smashing the car. Earlier reports claimed she broke the back window with a golf club trying to help him “escape.”

I don’t know what to make of these pictures of Rihanna. She’s in London right now, and these photos are of RiRi entering her hotel. She’s got a sizable lump above her eye, like somebody slammed her head-first into a wall or something. I’m hoping that it’s just something innocuous, like she was considering an eyebrow ring and it got infected or something. That was my first thought, actually – “infected piercing”. Something is definitely up.

Meanwhile, Rihanna is in London to promote her album, Rated R, which is out next week. From the reports, I think Jay-Z is in town too, and they’re going to be performing together. Rihanna told the British media that “London is one of my favorite cities, it’s where I get most of my creative energy- we made a lot of the album here.”

Speaking of, has everyone seen Rihanna’s new music video for “Russian Roulette”? It’s a little heavy for a Monday morning, but it’s definitely interesting. Many thought the lyrics (and the title) to “Russian Roulette” were totally iffy, but I can understand that Rihanna’s got a process, and she’s trying to work some sh-t out through her music. Anyway, here’s the video:

Here’s Rihanna in London today, November 16, 2009. Credit: WENN

Another day, another tape release from Michael Lohan to Radar. Yesterday was the bigger bombshell, in my opinion – a tape where Dina claimed that Lindsay had been dating/hooking up/doing drugs with Heath Ledger around the time of his death. Today’s exclusive recording is of Dina and Michael discussing how Lindsay is a cutter. Which, for me at least, is not a galloping shock. The Heath Ledger thing wasn’t a shock either (I figured they had partied, done drugs together and hooked up a few times). The cutting thing was much more obvious – Lindsay’s arms have looked torn up for a while. Hear the tape at Radar here, if you’re not too disgusted, and here’s Radar’s report:

In another glimpse into the twisted life of Lindsay Lohan, her parents Michael and Dina argued over how bad the situation with their daughter was, and Dina admitted that Lindsay had been cutting herself. The shocking bombshell is revealed in the recorded audio tape exclusively obtained by RadarOnline.com of a phone conversation between Dina and Michael, where the two blame each other for Lindsay’s dire situation.

Michael is talking with Dina, telling her that he represents the bad things in her life and Dina interrupts him, saying “Her cutting herself and hurting herself? Yeah, it’s bad Michael, it’s bad.” Lindsay has been photographed over the years and recently with scars on her wrists, a sign of the cutting, which is a desperate cry for help from the troubled starlet.

As Dina has said in previous recorded conversations, Lindsay has suffered from the treatment she received from her father, even going so far as to sleep with Dina when she’s at her house because she is so fearful. “I know that it’s going to happen,” Dina responds to Michael when he says “If something happens,” and Dina continues “I will feel it’s all your fault, that’s how I will feel, it’s not about me.”

In the 2008 call Michael doesn’t accept any blame for Lindsay’s situation, telling Dina “I will feel like it’s everyone else’s fault.”

Dina denies Michaels’ insistence that Lindsay wants to see him in the call, telling her ex-husband: “Michael, she doesn’t want to see you right now.”

The Lohan family war exploded when Michael released the tapes of his daughter’s desperate cry for help. He told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview that he is doing so to get Lindsay the help she needs and get his troubled daughter into rehab. “I admit, I’m being a bit selfish in releasing the tapes,” he told us. “But I’m tired of being lied about. I’m tired of Dina and others making me out to be someone I’m not, so now I’m going to prove to the world who the real liars are.”

[From Radar]

I asked this yesterday, but I’ll repeat it again today – if Dina was and is so convinced that Michael is this horrible, abusive, disgusting bastard (and it’s just a hop, skip and a jump away from being the kind of douche who would tape their conversations), why does Dina continue to talk to Michael? Why are they even conversing on the phone? If Michael’s the one to call Dina, why doesn’t she just say, “Nothing to say, D-ckweed” and hang up. Or am I just thinking about what I would say to Michael, after I screamed “toxic parrot!” at him?

Here’s Lindsay Lohan on Robertson Blvd. in West Hollywood, CA on November 10, 2009. Her arms are covered, and in one shot it looks like she’s trying to duck down from the cameras. Credit: Fame.

Natalie Portman gave an interview to the Los Angeles Times last week to promote her work in New York, I Love You. Natalie directed one segment of the series of short films, and Natalie also stars in one segment directed by Mira Nair. In the interview, Natalie talks about her dreams of directing and how she is actively seeking out more adult roles. She also kind of pulls a Megan Fox, and I detest saying that or even comparing the two women. Natalie is talking about how her roles affect her life, and she discusses her supporting part as a troubled, suicidal teenage girl in Heat. Natalie then does the whole “I’m a cutter” thing – although she does specify state that she only cut herself once:

“Just as what you are feeling in your life affects your acting, what you act in definitely affects what you are feeling in your life,” Natalie Portman says with typical thoughtfulness.

“And whether you want it to or not, and even if you don’t know it, it bleeds into your life. I made ‘Heat’ when I was 14 and played a girl who died,” she continues. “A year later, I got into a fight with my mother and cut myself. I had never done it before and I never did it after that, but I think having my wrists bloody in a movie definitely affected my psyche.”

At this point,” says Portman of the parts that appeal to her, “I want to be a woman on-screen because I want to be a woman in my life. I don’t want to be a little girl.”

“Working with Mira in New York, I was so thrilled to watch a female director, and you couldn’t ask for a better model than her,” she says. “For me, directing isn’t a backup plan, because I really love it. At the end of the day, it is your product, which you don’t get when you’re acting. Even good performances are pieced together by good directors. You give plenty of bad takes, and they put it together in the editing room.”

As for when she might take on that particular challenge, “I don’t love saying I’m going to do something before I do it because I feel like that’s a formula for hearing, ‘You never did what you said you were going to,’ ” she says, “but I really love directing.” And while she admits to some fear of stepping behind the camera and out of her comfort zone, “that’s intrinsic to everything you do as a creative person. You’re constantly putting yourself up there to be trashed. If I thought about it too much, I’d just be crippled. I’d rather create.”

[From the Los Angeles Times]

Eh, it sounds like she just did it once to see how it would feel. But it feels like she’s trying to be a bit edgy about it, doesn’t it? Like “oh, I was so hardcore when I was a kid.” Meh. Maybe I’m being overly-analytical. But that attitude bothers me.

Natalie is also facing a backlash because she signed the “Free Polanski” petition in support of Roman Polanski’s release from custody. Natalie is in esteemed custody – everyone from Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, Harrison Ford, Jeremy Irons, Salman Rushdie, Kristin Scott Thomas, Steven Soderbergh, Emma Thompson and Diane Von Furstenberg, amongst many, many others (see full list here). Ugh, I think Emma Thompson’s inclusion might be the cruelest cut of all. Why, Emma, why? Anyway, the backlash against the signers seems mainly from the more conservative media outlets, but I think it will probably grow as more stuff starts happening with the case. Interesting note: Natalie’s The Professional director Luc Besson was one of the few prominent French artists who did not sign. He released this statement about Polanski: “I have a lot of affection for him, he is a man that I like very much… but nobody should be above the law…. I don’t know the details of this case, but I think that when you don’t show up for trial, you are taking a risk.”

Natalie is shown with Mila Kunis at the “American Ballet Theatre hosts the 2009 Fall Gala” in NY on 10/7/09. Credit: Flashpoint / WENN.com. She’s also shown in a fuschia dress at the Toronto Film Festival on 9/17/09. Credit: WENN.com