Taylor Swift has been in London this week – and she’ll be there for months, I believe, as Tom Hooper’s Les Misérables begins production soon. So Swifty arrived in London early to do some photo ops around town, looking sad and winsome, of course. Swifty will be playing Eponine in the production, which… sure. I don’t have a strong opinion on, honestly. Les Misérables is one of my least favorite musicals/books/whatever, so it’s not like I’m even going to see the movie when it comes out. I’m including a photo of Swifty at the London Zoo, and lots of pics from Swifty’s forlorn trip to (no joke) the Diana Memorial. She looked weepy in the rain, she stared at some swans. It was all very intense.

Also intense? Swifty’s love life, of course, but if her Vogue Magazine interview was any indication, I don’t think she’s as bad off as people think. Swifty’s Vogue article was surprisingly good, especially when she talked about boys and her latest dating rules. But that Vogue piece was the jump-off point for some “sources” to go to Us Weekly and talk about how Swifty is still very much screwed up over Jake Gyllenhaal! OMG JAYLOR.

One year later, Taylor Swift is still smarting from her split with Jake Gyllenhaal. “It was earth-shattering,” Swift told Vogue about the end of her three-month romance with the actor, 31. Adds a Swift source, “She’s haunted by that relationship. He totally screwed with her mind.”

Indeed, she’s been having a hard time moving on: “She doesn’t know hot to meet anybody new.”

As least there’s a bright side – Swift is once again using heartache as inspiration. “The songs on her next album are intimate and revealing,” says another source, confirming, “Some are about Jake.”

[From Us Weekly, print edition]

“He totally screwed with her mind.” Of course he did! She was 20 years old, dating a man a decade older who actively did NOT want to do anything but go apple-picking and have the occasional “clothes on” cuddlefest. And then he dumped her over the phone. Admit it, you would be screwed up about it too. As for the Jake songs… I can’t wait.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I don’t know why this story is so funny to me today. Maybe it’s because we haven’t had a good Jake Gyllenhaal story in a while. He’s been MIA for months – you could blame the Taylor Swift debacle, but really, he disappeared after Source Code faltered at the box office. People just don’t buy “butch” Jake. Put Jake in a romantic comedy, or even a straight-up drama, and Jake is more believable. But people just have issues with Jake as an action hero. I’m one of them. Anyway, Jake hasn’t had a celebrity girlfriend since Taylor Swift. Maybe he got burned by all of the cuddlefesting. Whatever it was, he kept his head down for the most part, although there were some rumors about Olivia Wilde, right? But she was allegedly hooking up with EVERYONE in 2011. So, what’s Jake’s type these days? Wispy, girlish singers? Or kick-ass brunettes?

Jake Gyllenhaal tried — and failed! — to add Minka Kelly to his little black book.

In the new issue of Us Weekly (on stands Friday), a source claims that Kelly, 31, “declined” an invitation from Gyllenhaal, 31, when he asked her on a date last fall.

But it wasn’t because the Source Code actor didn’t measure up: at the time, the Charlie’s Angels star had split with her on-and-off beau, Derek Jeter, 37, and “was trying to patch things up,” the source explains.

Kelly’s willpower paid off: she reconciled with the New York Yankees player in December.

[From Us Weekly]

I think the same thing about this that I thought of Olivia Wilde’s divorce, and Jennifer Aniston’s love life, and pretty much the hookups of all of Young Hollywood – celebrity women are faced with slim pickings when they look around LA for a boyfriend. I think it surprised Olivia Wilde, just how few dudes really were interested in her. As for Minka – well, if you were faced with the choice between Jake and Derek Jeter, what would you do? Ugh, for me it would be “neither.” But I still find it funny that Jake struck out with Minka. Poor, lonely Jake.

Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN.

I’m conflicted, y’all. After I wrote about Taylor Swift being awesome and donating 6,000 books to a Pennsylvania county’s public library system, I said I was going to give Swifty a month-long pass to do whatever she wanted without my heckling from the cheap seats. That month is still on-going, so it’s really difficult for me to really discuss this story in In Touch Weekly. ITW claims that Swifty went to Jake Gyllenhaal and tried to persuade him to be her special unicorn boyfriend once more. But Jake said no, because Swifty is now friendly with Reese Witherspoon, and something, something else. It’s sketchy logic on Jake’s part, honestly.

Look out Jake Gyllenhaal, Taylor Swift is probably writing a song about you as we speak. As a friend of Jake’s explains, after the songbird looked to the 30-year-old actor to try to rekindle their romance, he shot her down.

“Taylor still reaches out to him and he wants nothing to do with her,” says the friend.

The big problem? Taylor has become friendly with the love of Jake’s like, Reese Witherspoon.

“Jake’s normally an easygoing guy, but the thought of Taylor telling Reese everything she knows about him just puts a knot in his stomach,” the friend says. “He couldn’t sleep or eat for days after Reese ended their relationship. He’s embarrassed about it now.”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

In Jake’s defense, there were stories about Reese and Swifty gossiping about Jake when they did get together, so he might not be completely off-base. But I think it’s far more likely that Jake didn’t want to get back with Swifty because she maybe comes across like a stuffed-animal version of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction? No, I shouldn’t say that! TEAM SWIFTY. She was so nice to donate those books and encourage kids to read. So this is all obviously Jake’s fault. Blame Jake. In all honesty, I don’t know why Jake doesn’t give Swifty another chance. Obviously, he really liked her unicorns-and-apple-cider, cuddlefest-y relationship. He was just to much of wimp to deal with the public fallout from dating someone so young. It IS his fault. And he shouldn’t have dumped her over the phone, either. Team Swifty. Team Literacy.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

These are some new photos of Jake Gyllenhaal and his miscellaneous male “friend/companion”. They’re walking their dogs, and it feels like the paparazzi invaded a romantic dog-walking stroll, right? I feel like Jake really wishes he could hold that guy’s hand. The urges, they are strong. Must. Stop. The Urges.

So… over the weekend, Jake Gyllenhaal was “spotted” with Rashida Jones, daughter of Quincy and ex-girlfriend of John Krasinski (right, they dated?). Many people (like Michael K) were suspicious of Jake’s public photo op with a girl, and figured that he was shopping for a new girlfriend, and that Rashida might be “the one (who wouldn’t ask a lot of questions)”.

Well, right M.O., wrong chica. Last night, Jake was “caught” getting friendly with Anna Kendrick – Pop Sugar has the exclusive photos here. Jake and Anna (best known for her part in the Twilight series and her Oscar-nominated turn in Up In The Air) are working together on End of Watch – that film where Jake plays a butch, bald cop, I think. According to Pop Sugar, Jake, Anna and some dudes went to Las Vegas and then stopped for sandwiches, where the lone paparazzo got some shots of Jake embracing Anna. Neither one of them can figure out what to do with their hands. It looks like Jake is thinking, “Deep breath, you only have to be this close to a vagina for another twenty seconds. One Mississippi, two Mississippi.” Anna had a boyfriend last year, but I have no idea if she’s still with that guy…? Anna is 26 years old, by the way. She looks 15, though. Why does Jake always go for the ones who look and act so young?

Here are some more photos of Jake and his male companion. Jake looks so much more comfortable here.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

I tend to think that Taylor Swift isn’t really over Jake Gyllenhaal. I anxiously await a new album from Swifty, where she’ll obviously have songs about their coffee-soaked “romance” – songs like “Dear Jake” and “The Romeo Who Broke My Sparkle-Heart” and “Brokeback Pony-Glitter”. But Jake’s other high-profile ex, Reese Witherspoon… well, I get the feeling that she did the dumping and she barely looked back. Reese quickly moved on to Jim Toth, and as we all know, Jim turned out to be “the one”. Reese is all “Jake who? Beard whatsit?” Anyway, a few days ago there were reports that Reese and Taylor had met up for dinner. I didn’t think much of it – they’ve met before at various events, and they seemed to get along just fine. But Us Weekly has the “inside scoop” on what went down during the dinner, and it’s not pretty:

Maybe Taylor can write a song about this! Reese Witherspoon and Taylor Swift lunched at Los Angeles’ Boa Steakhouse on Aug. 26 — and chatted about their shared ex, Jake Gyllenhaal!

“They talked about how vain and self-absorbed Jake can be,” a source tells Us Weekly. “They laughed about it.”

(Gyllenhaal, 30, dated Swift for two months in 2010; he and Witherspoon, 35, spent two years together before calling it quits in late 2009. Witherspoon married CAA agent Jim Toth in March.)

The blonde Tennesseans first bonded at the Academy of Country Music Awards in April and had planned to hang out.

And it looks like this relationship may last. Swift, 21, invited the actress and her kids to an upcoming show, and Witherspoon gave the singer a lift home after lunch!

[From Us Weekly]

You’ll probably scoff at this. After all, how does Us Weekly know what went down at this dinner? Keep this in mind, though: Us Weekly gets all of the strategic leaks from Camp Swifty. I always thought that Swifty called up Us Weekly herself to tell them about her relationship with Jake, during and after. So my takeaway is that Swifty (or someone close to her) thought it would be a good idea to put it out there that she and Reese were complaining about how “vain” Jake is. Now, there’s nothing wrong with girl-talk, and God knows I love gossip about this kind of stuff, so I’m not complaining about that. But Swifty knows that she looks like she’s still obsessing over Jake, right?

Oh, and I totally believe he’s vain and self-absorbed.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Pacific Coast News & Us Weekly.

A couple of weeks ago, we were busily scratching our collective heads over why Jake Gyllenhaal, a.k.a. “He Who Cuddlefests,” has decided to guest star alongside host Bear Grylls on the season premiere of “Man vs. Wild.” Some of you thought that Jake was trying to prove his manliness, and one or two of you thought he was just a fan of the show. I’m inclined to hang with the former school of thought, however far-fetched the desired end result might seem.

At any rate, the Jake episode will air next Monday on the Discovery Channel, but ET has a sneak peek of the duo as they defy death in the harsh, unfriendly Iceland climate. Naturally, the video is stuck on autoplay, so we’re not posting it, but you can watch it here. It’s pretty hilarious to watch Jake attempting to haul his body across the length of a rope that stretches over an enormous cavern, but I’ll resist making any stunt wiring jokes. However, I’m certainly not beyond imagining that, once the harrowing experience concluded, Jake and Bear hopped into a luxury SUV and feasted upon White Bean Dip with Rosemary Olive Oil and Slushy Watermelon Mojitos as the vehicle sped along to its ultimate spa destination.

Once again and for those of you who think I’m being too tough on Jake (who I actually like a lot), here’s a refresher on the process by which a “Man vs. Wild” can be faked:

Photos courtesy of Discovery.com

At this point, I have no idea what I’m supposed to think of Olivia Wilde. She dumped her husband of nine years, so she no longer gets to declare far and wide “I’M A PRINCESS!!!” Some say she dumped her husband because she was famous now, and looking to trade up to someone with some pull in the industry. Some said Olivia was just bored with being tied down, and wanted to have fun and date and be single. All I know is that ever since she and her husband split, Olivia was been totally boy-crazy, and she’s gone from “dates” with the choicest prime cut of man-meat, Ryan Gosling, to the “meh” choice of Justin Timberlake, to the “Are you his beard?” pick of Bradley Cooper, and now THIS. Once she was spotted having a “quiet” date with Bradley Cooper, we should have expected this - People Magazine reports Olivia and Jake Gyllenhaal were “flirty” and “touchy-feely” at the Marmont a few nights ago. We’re too seconds away from reports about “cuddlefesting” I swear to God. Oh, Cockburn. Girl, YOU COULD HAVE HAD THE GOSDONG. You coulda been a contenda.

Jake Gyllenhaal was cracking up and laughing with pals during a lively night at West Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont – but the actor gave special attention to one woman: Olivia Wilde. The two were very flirty, an onlooker says, acting “touchy-feely.”

Says the onlooker: “At one point, he had his hand on hers.” Still, the two weren’t overly affectionate with each other.

“Olivia was very cool,” the onlooker says, “and wasn’t fawning over Jake but seemed to like the attention he was giving her.” Alas, at the end of the evening the two went their separate ways.

[From People]

Yes, they went their separate ways until Jake’s publicist made that very special call that every girl dreams about: “Will you fake date my client for a month or two?” And Olivia cries out, “YES, yes, a thousand times YES!” Cockburn, what are you doing? It’s one thing to be the “fun girl” who dates around and is openly boy crazy, like Kate Hudson. But at some point, doesn’t it start to look like Olivia is simply an “on demand” booty call/PR hit for dudes with a couple of hit films under their belt and questionable sexuality? BAD COCKBURN.

By the way, I’m still desperate for Jake and Jessica Biel to date/fake-date. I think they would make a brilliant PR couple.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I like the idea of Jake Gyllenhaal. Really, I do. He’s a fantastic actor and seems like a really sweet and nice guy, but there’s also a great deal of the contrived about him. Truth be told, I never really bought his romance with Reese Witherspoon, and the entire Taylor Swift fakery was just entirely hilarious in its awful execution. Still, I’ve got nothing against the guy himself, but I find it rather strange that he’s decided to make an appearance on the upcoming season premiere of Discovery Channel’s “Man vs. Wild.” Why?

Jake Gyllenhaal is discovering his wild side!

The 30-year-old actor joins “Man vs. Wild” host Bear Grylls in the Icelandic wilderness for show’s upcoming season premiere on July 11.

According to the Discovery Channel, “Man vs. Wild” will test will test how the Prince of Persia star measures up to unpredictable and unforgiving Mother Nature. For two days, Grylls and Gyllenhaal embark on a survival experience neither will forget to an Icelandic landscape dominated by mountains, huge glaciers and some of Europe’s most active volcanoes.

“For me, it’s all about discovery,” Gyllenhaal said.

Grylls explained: “The wild is always very revealing — not only physically but mentally. You’ve got to smile when it’s driving horizontal hail and be able to face your fears and just get on and do it — and on both of those accounts, Jake came up strong.”

[From US Weekly]

Of course, the immediate question that springs to mind involves what sort of possible benefit will come to Jake as a result of this guest appearance. Jake could possibly be a huge fan of the show and just wanted to participate in the taping of an episode. Or he could merely desire to prove that he’s a real man by “surviving nature,” i.e., pretending to rough it overnight on top of a mountain in a threadbare tent while drinking his own urine but, in actuality, sneaking off for a luxurious stay in the nearest four-star hotel. Does Jake really want to cement the unintentionally hilarious vision of overwrought buffness from his Prince of Persia phase? Perhaps we’ll never know the reason why, but at least we can watch it all go down.

By the way, here’s a refresher course on exactly how well a “Man vs. Wild” can be faked:

And here’s Bear Grylls’ “Late Show with David Letterman” appearance, where he sort of weakly describes why he stays in fancy hotels while filming his show.

Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN, AllMoviePhoto

Taylor Swift appears on today’s Ellen, probably to promote her new singles (or whatever, I don’t care), and Ellen got her to talk about boys, of course. Swifty doesn’t name names, of course (she’ll save those for her next album), but Swifty does talk sideways about relationships and her world-view as a celebrity, etc. Lainey and others are pretty sure that Swifty is making a reference to He Who Cuddlefests, Jake Gyllenhaal, and I guess I could see it.

Taylor Swifty has a new single, “The Story Of Us,” which means she’s back on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show”! This time, Taylor stopped by to chat with Ellen for the show airing Wednesday, and they chatted about all those photos taken of Taylor strolling with people like Jake Gyllenhaal and Garrett Hedlund.

Turns out, Taylor doesn’t mind the paparazzi catching her in private moments. At least, not enough to complain about it. “I think it’s just obnoxious if I complain about anything,” she says. “I hear people talk about like, ‘oh, the intrusions on my privacy!’ It’s like, there are a million other jobs you could have had.”

She’s also not down with dating guys who want to keep her a secret — at least, not since Joe Jonas denied their relationship (and denied it, and denied it). “I’ve just come to an acceptance of the fact, this is my life. If somebody wants to hide a relationship or has privacy issues then we don’t have the same viewpoint. For me, it’s just like live your life. If people happen to take picture then you know, you laugh about it in the car afterwards.”

[From Zap2It]

First: I like what Swifty said, a lot. I like it so much I’m going to defend her! THIS is how more celebrities should act – don’t publicly engage the media and the photographers in your relationship, but don’t go out of your way to hide it either. Just let it exist, and if you get “caught” so be it. Unfortunately, I wonder if this is how Swifty really is. After all, this is the girl who actually seemed like she was POSING for photos when she was with Jake Gyllenhaal. Who of course “freaked out” about how public their relationship became, and thus, dumped her over the phone. That’s the version for public consumption, but I’ve always thought that the publicity surrounding Jake and Swifty’s relationship was so media-friendly on BOTH sides. Jake needed a “girlfriend” and Swifty is boy-crazy (and she needed someone “nice” to date after it was revealed that she was riding John Mayer’s douche). Of course, Swifty did go overboard – she and her team were leaking all sorts of information to Us Weekly. It got crazy, and I’m sure it did freak Jake out. Not “out” out.

Here are some new pics of Jake with his shaved head. He’s playing a big, butch cop and he cut his hair for the role. The “butch” is implied…?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

It was just Tuesday afternoon when I suggested publicly that if Jake Gyllenhaal’s publicity team wanted me to buy Straight Jake, they would have to give me something more than Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift look-alikes, and all of the other assorted, barely-legal wispy blondes. I demanded a busty brunette, someone pretty and someone who definitely didn’t try to give off a virginal “Look at me, I’m such a princess, and I’m just waiting for my prince” vibe. Well… is Jake’s team listening to me? They might be. Because the new rumor going around Us Weekly is that Jake is quietly boning (“dating” or “cuddlefest-having”) Jessica Lowndes. Here’s one of Jessica’s sexiest photos, from a shoot she did with FHM:

Sidenote: I was looking through photos of Jessica, I noticed a discrepancy in boob size throughout the years. If I had to guess, I would say the photos from this FHM shoot were pre-boob job.

Anyway, you might be asking, “Who is this Jessica Lowndes? Did Jake hire her because Kaiser said he needed to butch it up with a brunette for a change?” Well, Jessica is on 90210 (boo!) and she is 22 years old – still kind of skeevy-young for a 30-year-old actor, in my opinion, but I’m overlooking it because she seems like she’s 22-going-on-42. She’s an attractive girl, but that’s a HARD-looking 22 years.

In any case, Us Weekly reports that Jake and Jessica “shared breakfast” in New York City on April 1st, at the Greenwich Hotel. Which says… morning-after breakfast? Jake buys his ladies French toast before they do the walk of shame. Okay… and now my mind just wandered to where I’m now thinking about what kind of kinky junk Jake might like to do in hotel rooms. Ew. This dream I had for him where he would finally butch it up big-time with a brunette is not all I had hoped for!

Anyway, after that breakfast date, Us Weekly also claims that Jake had another date, this time in the evening, with some unknown girl, and then he went out with the Swifty-look-alike. Three girls, three dates, all in the span of three days. Oh, Jake! So butch! Such a ladies’ man!

Photos courtesy of FHM & WENN.