I just saw this on D-Listed and all I can say is “what the hell?” I’m getting flashbacks to when Heidi Montag did a Funny or Die commercial in which she basically played herself, but advocated for consumer protection. In Montag’s case she did a faux PSA and it worked. It wasn’t particularly funny, but it was watchable. Here we have Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison playing themselves on a fake talkshow run by Jason Alexander. It’s just like all of their other talkshow appearances in that she plays the Lolita sexpot and her RL husband Doug is the “straight” man (although that’s up to question). There’s nothing particularly funny or unique about this bit. I had a hard time watching the whole thing and Jason Alexander is just lame. He hits on Courtney and smacks Doug across the face as some kind of couple’s therapy. This isn’t amusing to me at all.

If you’re a big Seinfeld or Jason Alexander fan (I never was) you might enjoy this, like Emily did over at Evil Beet. She thinks that Courtney and Doug are up for mocking themselves, but I don’t see it that way at all. I think that Courtney and Doug are up for any and all publicity they can get, and they’ll take it where they can. Remember, they’re still trying to get some sort of reality show that isn’t happening for them. Courtney’s mom spoke to E! about this skit and she said that her daughter and son-in-law weren’t offended. Of course they weren’t:

“They were not at all offended,” she told E! News. “Courtney is so funny, and with her sense of humor, and Doug’s too, they are able to be confident in who they are as people. They can take something and like it and laugh and be OK with it. They were the first ones to think it’s a funny thing.

“If someone spends the day with Courtney and Doug, they would win them over. They’re able to rise above everything. With Courtney, it flows off her back like water off a duck’s back. She’s so secure, she can take anything and look at the funny side. Criticism does not get her down at all.”

During the webisode, Clay tries to help the couple “fortify” their relationship with a couple exercises, including trying to see the quality of Stodden’s heart by taking pictures of her breasts with a new app on his iPhone (you see where this is going), and showing Hutchison how to express his love for Courtney.

[From E! Online]

I thought it was funnier when Courtney and Doug showed off their little dogs on Australian TV. They were happier and more hopeful back then. Now they’re just kind of resigned to being punchlines, which is as it should be.

This has me nostalgic for Heidi and Spencer’s brief stab at fame. They were famous for nothing and they staged ridiculous photo ops and planted stories in the tabloids, but they made sense. Like Paris Hilton, Heidi and Spencer seem almost quaint compared to some of the people that have hit the scene lately. It’s a slippery slope in the tabloid media.

Star Magazine has an uncomfortable story about Britney Spears on their cover this week. According to Britney‘s first husband Jason Alexander, who gives Star an “exclusive interview”, Britney told Jason Alexander that Jason Trawick has been beating her up. The cover photo allegedly shows Britney with a black eye – which, it could be, or it could just be that Britney has screwed up makeup. Oh, and Britney was pregnant…? Jesus. I hope none of this is true:

After her very public breakdown and a string of failed romances, Britney Spears made a tremendous comeback — professionally and personally — largely because of her agent-turned-boyfriend Jason Trawick, who helped her rebuild her career and life. But in a blockbuster world exclusive, Star has learned that the relationship has turned violent!

In our Dec. 13 issue, on sale today, Britney’s former husband Jason Alexander tells Star that the pop princess confided to him that Trawick beat her — on multiple occasions.

“Britney is in an abusive relationship,” the entertainer’s first husband says in a detailed interview with Star. “She told me her life had turned into a nightmare.”

Childhood friends Britney and Alexander stayed in touch after their 55-hour marriage was annulled in 2004. But their casual texts, phone calls and emails took a dark turn when she recently confided that Trawick “hit her so hard it gave her a black eye,” Alexander says.

And the abuse wasn’t a solitary incident, Alexander tells Star in our issue. Nor was it the only jaw-dropping secret the megastar told her ex! She also revealed that she had been pregnant with Trawick’s child earlier this year, Alexander says.

Alexander says he’s telling this story because he’s “really concerned” for Britney who he feels is “telling me these secrets as a way of getting out of this.”

For the entire shocking story — including photos of a battered and bruised Britney, the messages she sent her ex and the details about her secret pregnancy — pick up Star today.

[From Star Magazine]

The fact that Jason Alexander is giving the interview and that he has no qualms about being a named source does give me pause. I also think it’s possible that Britney did tell him some of this stuff, but that doesn’t mean it’s actually true. If it is true, however, I hope that her daddy steps in and straightens this mess out. Britney is still under her conservatorship, and it was just extended into next year:

Britney Spears will ring in the new year under her long-standing conservatorship …. sources tell TMZ. We’re told there are no plans to end the conservatorship, which was created in February 2008.

And, it’s not bad news for Britney. We’re told she’s “content” with the current arrangement and is no longer antsy to end it.

Britney is actually under two conservatorships — one to care for her, and another to take care of her business affairs. As for the latter, it will probably remain in place for a long time, because Britney Spears, Inc. has never run more smoothly.

As for the personal conservatorship … we’re told no one involved — Britney included — wants to end it.

[From TMZ]

In my opinion, I think the fact that Britney is still under conservatorship makes any possible accusation of abuse that much more serious – it’s like a mental patient or a child is being abused. That being said, it’s totally possible that Jason Alexander is making the whole thing up. We’ll see… there could be denials about this story soon.

UPDATE: Radar (which is basically the same company as Star) has more on this situation here. Apparently, Jason Alexander taped this conversation with Britney, and you can go to Radar to hear the audio. Honestly, I don’t think it sounds like Britney, but the sound quality isn’t awesome, so maybe it is, maybe not. Britney says stuff like “Before or after he beat on me?” and “My dad has a shotgun and he’s just waiting to use it.” Radar also claims that they’ve gotten Britney and Jamie Spears’ denials of all of this.

Star cover courtesy of CoverAwards. Additional pics courtesy of Fame.

It must be tough to be married to someone for only 55 hours, then watch her next husband cash in on the divorce and sell his story to People for large sums of money. It’s probably enough to drive you to drink.

Which is what Britney’s 55-hour husband Jason Alexander has been doing recently while driving. He was ordered to undergo alcohol rehabilitation following his DUI arrest but failed to comply with the court order and has been sentenced to jail:

According to Steve Whitmore, senior spokesperson for the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department, Alexander, 27, was sentenced to 10 days in jail for the violation when he appeared in court on Wednesday. Whitmore said Alexander will likely be released early due to the overcrowding situation in the jail — which has resulted in quick in-and-out sentences for stars such as Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie in the past — but that he will likely be locked up until December 9.

TMZ reported that one of the reasons Alexander was locked up was because he missed two court ordered appointments at the L.A. County Morgue as part of his probation for the DUI conviction; Whitmore said he could not confirm information that at press time.

“He was remanded into custody yesterday, when a judge determined that he had violated his probation by not attending the DUI classes he was ordered to, so they sentenced him to 10 days in county jail,” Whitmore said. In addition to the morgue visits, Alexander was ordered to take an alcohol education program as part of a deal following a DUI arrest in 2006, but he reportedly did not fulfill those requirements and when the judge found out he ordered him to jail.

MTV

We haven’t got these kinds of rehab classes in Australia, although we are undergoing a government campaign to try and break down our binge drinking and driving culture, but I think they’re a good idea. I understand that you go to visit the morgue to see car accident victims, which is probably excellent rehabilitation.

It seems that no matter how many cute pictures we get of Britney with her kids, the week before her album looks set to debut at number one, we get a reminder that it wasn’t that long ago Britney was a mess.

I also feel a little sorry for Jason Alexander – it doesn’t matter what he does or the rest of his life, he’s always going to be Britney’s ex-husband, the one who isn’t getting paid in monthly installments.

There are a lot of one night stands, random hook ups, strippers, dancers and paparazzi who are all too willing to cash in on whatever relationship they had with Britney by selling their stories to the tabloids. There are just two guys that we know of who can claim to have been married to her, though. Considering how much her husband of just over two days, Jason Alexander, has been talking to the press, he makes K-Fed’s feeble efforts at an acting and/or rapping career look completely legitimate in comparison.

Alexander told gossip magazine In Touch that Britney has been calling him every day for a month, and that she never talks about her new beau, photographer Adnan Ghalib. When it comes to custody of her kids, she does want to see them, but doesn’t want the responsibility o fbeing their full time caretaker. She says that it doesn’t matter to her if she has them all the time and that she can “always have other kids later on.”

“She doesn’t want the kids back,” Britney’s first husband, Jason Alexander, tells In Touch in an exclusive interview. “She wants to see them, but she doesn’t want to be a full-time mom. She said it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t get them back full-time, and that she can always have other kids later on…”

According to Jason, Britney has been calling him almost “every day” for close to a month. She also confided in him during her two recent hospital stays… “She does want to get better,” Jason, 26, says of Britney… “She doesn’t sound as crazy right now as she did three weeks ago, but she’s not right. She isn’t well enough to know what she wants.”

[From In Touch, print edition, February 28, 2008]

Jason says that “Her dad is back in her life, and that is awesome” and the Britney seems “very happy” that “her mom is there for her.” He claims that hes “trying to motivate her” to continue having her mom and dad be an active part of her life. He adds that he doesn’t think she should have full custody “because she needs to focus on her.”

At least Britney’s parents aren’t selling her out to the tabloids yet. You can see how this girl has a tough time trusting people when they’re either manipulating her and trying to take her money or selling her secrets to the public. As much as Adnan has been talking to the television shows and acting like a diva, he doesn’t seem that bad for her compared to a lot of other people in her life. It’s a criminal offense to drug someone against their will, but telling everyone their business is only punishable in civil court.

Jason Alexander is shown on 11/30/05, thanks to PRPhotos. Britney is shown out on Saturday night.