“We’re just here for Kaiser!” – Daniel and Javi.

These are brand spanking new (emphasis on the “spanking”) pics from today’s London photo call for the new James Bond movie, Skyfall, which will star Daniel Craig as Bond, Javier Bardem as some kind of villain, Naomie Harris as Moneypenny, and Berenice Marlohe as…? Unknown Bond girl, I guess. Now, I know you’re not with me on this. But this is like seeing my homoerotic fan fiction come true. When Daniel Craig allegedly, reportedly (by the Enquirer) started making out with some dude in a gay bar, I imagined the dude looked like Javier Bardem, and I even wrote some slash fan-fiction about Daniel and Javi dry-humping on the hood of a car (the idea still gets me hot). My desire to see Daniel and Javi together grew stronger by the day, and now I have these lovely photo call pics. YES!

A few weeks ago, these was a rumor going around that Daniel Craig was growing out his sketchy, scruffy, two-tone beard for Bond. It still looks like he needs a good shave, but whatever facial hair he’s working doesn’t look as busted as it did before. Maybe Javi complained that Daniel butterfly kisses were tickling him too much with the beard. IF ONLY. Considering Sam Mendes wants to take Bond to more low-key, emotional place for Skyfall, maybe we will get some good homoerotic action between Javi, Daniel and Ralph Fiennes. OoooooooooooooOOOOOOooooooo.

PS… how exciting is it that Naomie is playing Moneypenny? I’m really glad that they’re bring back Moneyponey, and it will be a cute role for Naomie. I hope they make her relationship with James cute, with a wink and some playful sexiness, rather than all “I’m going to bone you know, Moneypenny, and it’s going to be damn serious.”

PPS… Does the other chick not own a hair brush?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Earlier this year, there were some unconfirmed reports that Javier Bardem had been asked to join the new James Bond film. This was very exciting for me, because I was using Javier as the “ideal” male lover for a gay version of Daniel Craig in my ongoing homoerotic fan-fiction series, “Daniel Craig Likes To Make Out With Dudes In Gay Bars”. In my fan-fiction, Daniel Craig is a rough, unkempt lover who shoves his Javi against the car hood and their dongs touch and all is right with the world. Anyway, Javi confirmed that yes, he’d signed on to the new Bond film, and yes, he was going to be playing the villain.

Javier Bardem has confirmed he’ll play the villain in the highly-anticipated 23rd James Bond movie.

In a new interview with ABC’s Nightline, Javier discusses his fight for human rights issues in Western Sahara. In order to highlight the cause, Javier is making a documentary because he feels doing movies is how he as an actor can help.

And Javier will continue to be an actor and has a very exciting role coming up. He’ll be playing the villain in the next James Bond movie!

“I am very excited, my parents took me to watch the movies, and I saw all of them, and to play that is going to be fun,” Javier told ABC.

“They chose me to play this man, but I cannot give you many details,” he explained.

He did say he’s going to “try to vocalize a lot” so people can understand his accent.

The movie has the rumored title of Skyfall, Huffington Post reports.

Daniel Craig is reported to be returning to the film; young French actress Bérénice Marlohe is rumored to be the next Bond Girl, Naomi Harris is reported to play Moneypenny and Ralph Fiennes is said to be joining the cast.

[From OK! Magazine]

Skyfall? Dong-full, more like. I hope Ralph Fiennes is playing a (pantless) villain as well. I hope Javier and Ralph are trying to destroy the world, one homoerotic kiss and dong-tug at a time. Daniel’s James Bond is sent by MI6 to take down the pantless, homoerotic conspiracy only to find himself knee-deep in man meat, helpless, sweaty, panting. Jesus Christ, this is going to be good.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Here are some new photos of Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem and Pedro Almodovar at the opening of Spain’s “Walk of Fame” in Madrid. Penelope is in Roksanda Ilincic, a designer I’ve never heard of, probably for good reason, because this dress makes beautiful Penelope look frumpy and bumpy. Still, small mercies: Penelope seems to have retired the clip-on bangs-trauma that was killing me during her promotional tour for Pirates of the Caribbean.

My favorite part is just seeing Penelope and her husband/lover/baby-daddy Javier standing next to each other. Slowly but surely, they’ve begun to do more and more events together, showing up for one another and being more couple-y. I think Javi and Penelope are the real deal, so I have my fingers crossed that they stand the test of time. Plus, look at how he looks at her – he’s checking out his hot wife! It’s so cute.

Now, I don’t want to make fun of Spain as a country, because I know Spain is the homeland of la Goop, but this “Walk of Fame” thing looks so budget! I get that Spain has their own film/television industry, so why couldn’t they put together a Walk of Fame that looked a bit more “special” than a Las Vegas party for a Kardashian perfume?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

On Friday, Penelope Cruz got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Lately, lots of bigger celebrities gave been getting their “stars” which is kind of cool – I mean, I’d rather Penelope get a star than, like, Snooki. I like that many foreign celebrities have been getting stars too – because I think the international celebrities feel more honored, and seem truly moved by this symbol of Hollywood acceptance. Colin Firth practically wept at his Walk of Fame ceremony, and Helen Mirren invited her family, including her step-kids and step-grandkids, to come and celebrate her foot and hand-prints at Grauman‘s Chinese Theatre. Penelope seemed genuinely happy too – her husband, Javier Bardem escorted her to the ceremony, and Johnny Depp gave a nice speech, as did Penelope’s Nine director Rob Marshall. Surprisingly A-list for such a cheesy ceremony, right? I love it.

Johnny Depp can’t say enough good things about Penélope Cruz as an actress, costar – and as a new mom.

“She’s an inconceivably phenomenal mommy, which I’ve witnessed firsthand, and it’s pretty incredible,” Depp said on Friday of Cruz, who gave birth to a son in January. “She’s as loyal and true a friend as anyone could ever dream of and I’m very privileged to be able to have her in my life.”

Cruz, who was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in front of El Capitan Theater on Friday, feels just as lucky to have worked with Depp. In fact, she credits the actor with improving her language skills.

“I came to Los Angeles for the first time in 1994. I spoke no English. I only knew how to say two sentences: One was, ‘How are you?’ The other was, ‘I want to work with Johnny Depp,’ ” Cruz, 37, said Friday. “In the last 10 years I’ve worked with him twice, and that has improved my English.”

The Oscar winner worked with Depp on Blow and most recently on The Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, and she calls her costar a prankster on set.

But how would Depp describe their time together?

“It’s been a long road of giggles,” Depp added. “There’s nothing bad to say. I’ve even tried to provoke her into some fit of anger, it doesn’t work, I get nothing. Giggles, more giggles.”

Cruz has certainly had a lot to be happy about recently. The actress married Javier Bardem in July 2010 and the pair welcomed a son named Leo earlier this year. Cruz, the first Spanish-born actress to receive a star, was grateful for the honor and thanked her family “and of course my wonderful husband and my son for making me so happy every day.”

[From People]

The first Spanish star? Then it’s especially nice. Good for Penelope! And considering she just recently had a baby, I’m not going to talk about how much I dislike this L’Wren Scott dress. It’s kind of cheap-looking, right? Whoops, I guess I talked about it. Since I’m being bitchy and over-critical, I also dislike Penelope’s cheap-looking too-light highlights. They look so trashy! And since we’re talking about clothes, I’m so glad Johnny put on his grossest-looking pair of jeans and his dirtiest flannel shirt.

By the way, Penelope and Javier’s son is named Leo. I mean, I don’t know it for a solid fact, but all of the reports claim the name is Leo, and Penelope and Javi haven’t denied it.

Oh, and Penelope’s heels were so crazy she almost feel down as she was walking to her star. I would love to see her do a ditzy comedic role where she had to do pratfalls – look at her face! She’s so funny.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

I totally squealed a little when Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem showed up on the red carpet. This was the first time they ever did a big coupley, hand-holdy red carpet appearance, and they were so, so cute. Penelope just had the baby a month ago, and she’s got those gorgeous nursing boobs, and her body looks great. Javier looked very sweet and protective of her too, which I liked. I always enjoy seeing the dynamics of the couple on the red carpet – I thought Penelope seemed kind of shy and looking to Javier to “protect” her and praise her. And Javier looked so proud to have her on his arm. That’s how I’m reading their body language, maybe I’m wrong. Sigh… I love them. I know they’re probably a–holes (by most gossip, they are), but I loved their big red carpet debut together.

Oh, and Penelope’s dress is L’Wren Scott, by the way. I like it! I get the feeling that if you could see it up close, the detailing would be really lovely.

Sidenote: what did you think of Javier’s homoeroticism with Josh Brolin? I loved it! The two of them made me squeal a little too. What is it about Javi and homoerotic fantasies?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

These are the first photos of Penelope Cruz since she gave birth nearly one month ago exactly. By the way, we still don’t really know the name of Penelope and Javier Bardem’s son, although one of Javier’s relatives claims that the boy is named Leo. Sweet. Anyway, doesn’t Penelope look great? She looks… healthy. Life she recently gave birth and she’s still got some baby weight but it’s all good. Those genes… I’m so glad they reproduced.

Ay caramba! Just a month after giving birth to a baby boy, new mom Penelope Cruz stepped out in Santa Monica on Wednesday — and showed off a truly enviable post-baby figure.

Visiting the offices of Hollywood producer Jerry Bruckheimer (the man behind Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, in which Cruz stars), the stunning Oscar winner, 36, looked every bit the international movie star in shades, clingy striped top and tight blue jeans.

(The slim star also flashed her huge engagement ring from husband Javier Bardem, a 3-carat sapphire ring worth a reported $30,000, according to sources.)

After an ultra-private wedding last year, Cruz and Bardem, 41, welcomed their first child in L.A., reportedly named Leo Encinas.

Although the Spanish superstar couple have remained fairly mum about their new family, Bardem couldn’t help but gush while accepting a Goya Award in his native Spain Feb. 13.

“I dedicate [this award] to my wife and son for awakening my heart and smile every day,” the Biutiful actor (who’s also up for an Oscar this Sunday) said.

[From Us Weekly]

Good for them. I know some people claim that Penelope and Javier are both major douches, but I prefer to think of them as just rather press-reticent. Hopefully. In any case, I’m happy for them.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

I had such high hopes for this National Enquirer story, but it really let me down. The idea is that Julia Roberts could be screwing around on Danny Moder with Javier Bardem is too delicious – I want some salacious quotes from “insiders” to back it up! Alas, it’s not much of anything. The Enquirer says that Julia and Danny’s marriage is being strained by “false rumors” that she’s boning Javier. Those “false rumors” seem to have originated in this CDAN blind item, which the Enquirer even cites. Just my opinion: The way that Julia gushes over Javier publicly, and the way that she was all over him during the Eat, Pray, Love promotional tour, all of that makes me wonder if Julia AT THE VERY LEAST tried to hit that like a house on fire.

“Julia is reeling from the false rumors that she and Javier Bardem carried on a secret tryst,” an insider tells the Enquirer. “There’s talk around Hollywood that the reason Julia’s singing Javier’s praises so much is because they hooked up.”

The whispers went into overdrive this January, just as Penelope Cruz gave birth to Javier’s son.

CDAN ran a blind item that read, “This pregnant almost A-list actress just found out her A-list movie actor husband cheated on her with this A-list movie actress who is not pregnant, but has kids with her husband.” Immediately, the comments exploded and many guessed Penelope, Javier and Julia.

All of the speculation has Julia scrambling to reassure Danny Moder that her relationship with Javier is strictly platonic, said the insider: “But I’m sure Danny can’t help wondering if where there’s smoke, there’s fire!”

Danny and Julia have had marriage problems for a while, and Julia’s behavior has been at times erratic. It also doesn’t help that Julia has taken the lead in publicly campaigning for a best actor Oscar nomination for Javier for his film Biutiful. She hosted a screening in early January for industry heavyweights and gushed about Javier in interviews.

Javier’s open about his admiration for Julia too, calling her “generous” and “fun.” And their mutual appreciation must be adding to the stress between Julia and Danny, the insider said.

“Behind closed doors, all is not well,” the insider divulged. “The fire between Julia and Danny has seemed to have cooled. I think Javier came along and provided a fun distraction. Not the strain of battling the crazy rumors about her and Javier is pushing Julia and Danny to their breaking point.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

Well, it’s certainly interesting to think that Julia and Danny’s marriage is struggling. I think there are 50-50 odds that the struggling marriage part of the story could be true. While I respect that Julia keeps a lower profile now that she’s a mom, and that we truly have no idea where she is or what she’s doing on any given day or month, Julia has always struck me as a drama queen. And drama queens don’t enjoy a simple, quiet life with their husband and children. They need to create drama. And what better drama than a torrid affair with a Spaniard?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Back in May of last year, The National Enquirer ran a few stories claiming that Daniel Criag was (and is?) totally gay, and that he was making out with some dude at a Venice Beach gay bar. I enjoyed these stories so, so much, because I got to write some homoerotic fan-fiction involving Daniel Craig, his lover “Javi” (loosely based on Javier Bardem), and some hot grinding action in a dimly-lit gay-bar parking lot. Why did I choose Javier, of all possible hookup partners? I just liked the idea of Javi and Daniel groping each other. I liked the idea of Daniel’s lips traveling down Javi’s thick, muscular frame… as Javi’s head leans back, a look of pain and pleasure crossing his face at once. It’s hot, right?

Anyway, my homoerotic dream is very close to becoming a reality. Deadline reports that Javier Bardem has been offered the villain role in the next James Bond film. I mean… would it be too much to have the villain be gay? And that the international conspiracy involve humid, sweaty gay bars and tequila?

Deadline has just learned that Javier Bardem has been offered a starring role in the upcoming James Bond film recently set for a November 9, 2012, release. Details about the character are being kept under wraps for now. But traditionally the biggest male role opposite 007 is the villain, and Bardem played a truly villainous villain in his Oscar-winning turn in No Country For Old Men two years ago.

The EON Productions offer by principals Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli to Bardem to join star Daniel Craig and director Sam Mendes was made last week, at around the same time that the WME-repped Bardem received his Best Actor nomination for Biutiful and another high-profile offer of a lead role, that of gunslinger Roland Deschain in the Ron Howard-directed trilogy based on Stephen King’s novel series The Dark Tower. (Amidst all this career activity, Bardem and Penelope Cruz welcomed their first son into the world.)

But it should be noted that Bardem was offered the high-profile villain role in Oliver Stone’s Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps and turned it down.

Producers Broccoli and Wilson had been in pre-production on Bond #23 for release in 2011 but then it took almost a year for MGM’s future to sort itself out what with the failed auction sale of the studio, then the pre-packaged bankruptcy getting approval, and eventually Spyglass taking over studio filmmaking. Daniel Craig will be returning as the legendary British secret agent, with Sam Mendes directing a screenplay written by Neal Purvis, Robert Wade and John Logan. That script is being kept under wraps but the story begins after Quantum Of Solace leaves off.

[From Deadline]

Potential plotlines: Javier plays a villain who lives in a palatial estate in the South of France. James Bond roles up in a yacht, the ocean breeze blowing his thin button-down shirt open, his tan skin glistening in the sunlight. Javier is waiting for him. He is already shirtless, wearing only a pair of short swim trunks, having just gotten out of the pool. James Bond takes out his gun… but waits.

“Care for a drink, Mr. Bond?” Javier asks.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Bond says, slipping out of his pants.

I mean… come on!!! This next Bond film is going to be AWESOME.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

According to multiple sources, Penelope Cruz has given birth! Apparently Penelope and Javier Bardem welcomed their hot Spanish baby on Tuesday, at Los Angeles’ Cedars Sinai. While Us Weekly won’t or can’t confirm the gender or the name, the NY Post is calling it: A BOY!

Hollywood duo Penelope Cruz and Oscar-nominated husband Javier Bardem are celebrating the birth of a baby boy, Spanish celebrity gossip magazine Hola! reported Wednesday.

The power couple’s first child was born at Los Angeles’ Cedars Sinai Hospital last Saturday. Cruz was surrounded by her family, including her mother Encarna and her sister and brother, Monica and Eduardo.

Neither family members nor the pair’s representatives have confirmed anything yet. “Have the parents said anything?,” asked the actor’s mother, Pilar Bardem, when questioned by a journalist from Spanish news agency Efe. “Well then, I cannot say anything.”

Bardem, 41, and Cruz, 36, were married in a low-key ceremony in the Bahamas in July last year.

In September the pair confirmed Cruz was expecting, after her baby bump was spotted on the set of “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.”

Bardem and Cruz met for the first time on the set of the 1992 Spanish drama comedy “Jamon, Jamon,” one of Cruz’s first acting roles. But they did not start dating until 2007.
Hola! quotes Bardem as indicating he and Cruz do not want to become the new Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. “We value our privacy [but] it’s difficult for us to appear in public, even thought we’re both used to getting a lot of attention in Spain … but we have a good life.”

Bardem won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 2007 for crime thriller “No Country for Old Men.” Earlier Tuesday, Bardem was a surprise inclusion in the Best Actor nominations for the upcoming Academy Awards for his role in the Spanish-language film “Biutiful.” Winners will be announced in Los Angeles on Feb. 27.

[From The NY Post]

Ah, this might be why Javier didn’t release a statement about his Oscar nomination yesterday – he was sleep deprived and by his wife’s side. That makes sense. Anyway, I hope they name the little boy something fabulous, like Fernando… or Alejandro. Or Cruz Bardem. How cute would that be? How about Fernando Cruz Bardem? Little Fern. Aw!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Julia Roberts got a chance to work with Javier Bardem on Eat, Pray, Love, and now they’re BFFs for some strange reason. Maybe it’s lost in translation. Anyway, My Javi is in a Spanish-language film called Biutful, and his performance has been widely acclaimed. However, Javi has not been seeing the love as far as nominations and “Oscar buzz” goes – Javi hasn’t gotten any nominations for the Golden Globes, the SAGs, and he’s been shut out of most critics’ awards too. So his BFF Julia gave an interview in attempt to get people to RECOGNIZE. Of course, Julia makes it all about her, of course. It’s always all about JULIA. THAT’S SO TACKY.

A couple weeks ago, I groused to you about how I thought Javier Bardem’s powerful performance in Biutiful has been unfairly overlooked during this awards season so far. Well, it turns out I have a sister in my disappointment: Julia Roberts. And she’s decided to do something about it. Tonight in Los Angeles, Roberts hosted a screening of Biutiful on behalf of Bardem (her costar in Eat Pray Love) for a select industry crowd. Along with Bardem and his glowingly pregnant wife, Penélope Cruz, I spotted actors Kyle MacLachlan and Robert Forster among the attendees. Taking a break from working the room, Roberts spoke exclusively to EW about her admiration for Bardem’s achievement, and her excitement at working with — speaking of the Oscars — Meryl Streep.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: What is it about Javier’s performance in Biutiful that you’re so passionate about?
JULIA ROBERTS: He’s so raw and completely open to sharing every emotion this character has. I was telling him at dinner tonight, when I watched it I had to keep stopping and saying, “Okay, this is not actually happening to Javier.” Because it’s his face and his big eyes. I think it’s unexpected for a man to expose himself so deeply. And it’s incredibly agonizing in its subtleties. I just have a great appreciation for what he went through to show us all this. I know it had to hurt.

So why hasn’t he gotten more recognition? There was no SAG nomination, no Globe nomination, not even a critics award.
I think the movie hasn’t gotten the exposure. You don’t know where it is. It’s like this hidden little jewel. Especially in this particular season, people don’t hunt for things. They just take what you throw in their face.

I know of at least one Academy member who put the Biutiful DVD in the player and took it out after the first half hour because it was just too bleak.
I don’t know how you couldn’t want to know what happens. I hope that person is haunted until the end of time wanting to know what happened.

So is there any hope for Javier? Can he score enough No. 1 votes to get a Best Actor nomination?
If there’s not hope for talent, then we’re f—ed.

If Javier is your No. 1 pick, what about your other Eat Pray Love costar, James Franco?
Oh God, don’t put me in that position! It’s apples and oranges. He’s hosting the Oscars, so he might have an edge.

Your next movie is August: Osage County with Meryl Streep. Could that be your return trip to the ceremony?
I think that will just be my trip to heaven to be with Meryl Streep in that scenario. It’s a dream come true.

[From Entertainment Weekly]

Of course Julia has to remind us, “I was telling him at dinner tonight, when I watched it I had to keep stopping…” Oh Julia! She gets to have dinner with Javi, and we don’t. Bitch. Oh, and “If there’s not hope for talent, then we’re f—ed.” I actually agree with that sentiment whole-heartedly, but I’ve got to wonder – is Julia the best messenger?

But seriously, it is rather nice of her to do some campaigning for her friend. That says a lot about how much she thinks of him. It also says a lot about how highly she thinks of herself, but whatever.

Photos courtesy of WENN.