Jennifer Lopez is really trying to sell us on this whole “I’m just a humble mama from the block” image. She’s the cover girl for the May issue of Redbook, and her interview sounds a lot like the same interviews she’s been giving for the past few months. Meaning, all about being a mom and how much she’s changed and how they’re her “number one” priority. While I totally believe that Jennifer adores her kids and that she’s probably a great mom, I do tend to think that she’s been giving off a whiff of desperation as she tries to revamp her image as a Oprah-approved super-mom, all to sell herself as an actress and singer, yet again. Here’s more from Redbook (via People):

Jennifer Lopez’s world turned upside down when twins Max and Emme were born in March 2008. In the two years since then, she’s changed with it.

“I can’t help but be a different person now that I’ve had kids,” the singer and actress, 40, tells the May issue of Redbook, on newsstands April 20. “That really does change your whole perspective on life for the better. I definitely feel like I’ve grown up.”

It took a little while to get up to speed. Lopez relied on husband Marc Anthony, who had two sons with previous wife Dayanara Torres, to teach her the basics of diaper changing. Lopez says she was almost afraid to touch the babies at first “because I might hurt them, because they were only five pounds each.”

After two years as a mom, she is now a pro.

“My main priority now is that my kids are happy; that’s my No. 1 focus in life,” she says. “Are these little people happy, content, and getting everything they need? Everything after that is secondary. Before, my work was my main priority – even above myself.”

The kids, in return, have nourished her. “I think the biggest thing they’ve taught me is what loving someone is and what it should feel like,” she says. “This is what unconditional love means. It’s crazy, but it’s heaven and earth.”

And when she can’t be with them, she feels the downside of love: guilt. “I didn’t know that feeling before,” she says. “You don’t know about it because nobody ever tells you. I think it’s because women are a little ashamed to admit it. You feel guilty whenever you can’t have your kids right there with you on your hip.”

Lopez has a busy spring and summer planned. Her first film in three years, The Back-Up Plan, comes out this month, following by a guest-starring role on Glee and the summer release of her new CD, Love?.

[From People]

My advice to Jennifer is to keep it simple – your fans already like you, and if you’re looking to appeal to new people or people who have written you off years ago, stick with a simple message. Either you’re the accessible, loving, sweatpants-clad mother who can’t bear to be separated from your kids (the Jennifer Garner) or you’re the working mom, happy to have a job and happy to balance family and career (let’s call this one the Mary-Louise Parker, but it fits many actresses). What people don’t get is the mixed message of a leather-catsuit wearing diva who only talks about how much she’s “changed” with motherhood. Because we don’t really see the change. Because you’re still in the same f-cking leather catsuit.

Redbook cover courtesy of People Mag.

Thanks to Dlisted for the heads up on this monstrosity. Below is a recording that will send chills down your spine. Apparently, someone at Jennifer Lopez’s old studio Epic released an un-engineered, un-bedazzled clip of Jennifer Lopez’s real singing voice as she tries to record “Enough is Enough” for her last album. Seriously, this is not good:

Now, I don’t pretend I have the best singing voice ever. My singing voice isn’t even moderately “good”. I can’t “hold a tune” or “sing in key”. But I don’t pass myself off as a singer, either. I just don’t understand how someone with this voice can honestly go into a recording studio and try to tell people, “No really, I’m a singer.” I just played this at normal volume, and my dog started crying, no joke. He came to check on me and nuzzled me, which is puppy-speak for “Please make the evil stop.”

This comes at a very bad time for Jennifer – allegedly, she just signed on to a new contract at Def Jam, but there are some rumors that everything isn’t quite signed, sealed and delivered. Many music industry sources are openly questioning Def Jam and Lopez:

Jennifer Lopez has a new home at Def Jam according to her longtime manager, Benny Medina. While the deal is good news for the entertainer, sources are questioning the deal and just why Def Jam would sign a Lopez said to be “past her prime”.

“People are saying that Jennifer is past her prime and her best work is behind her,” a source told the NY Daily News this week.

Adding fuel to those claims is Lopez’s recent track record with music. Namely, the last two singles “Fresh Out The Oven” and “Louboutins,” which struggled on the charts (although “Louboutins” has topped the Dance/Club play chart).

Nonetheless insiders say “At this point, she just isn’t going to have another “Waiting For Tonight”…. signing with a new label isn’t going to change that.”

Lopez is also facing heat from music fans thanks to audio leaked by an engineer. That audio, first reported Wednesday, features Lopez trying to record Barbra Streisand’s “Enough Is Enough” — with less than stellar results.

Lopez parted ways with Epic earlier this year. It is unclear when she will make her Def Jam debut.

[From Singers Room]

Ouch. Under other circumstances, this might be the point where I defended Jennifer and claimed that if Def Jam wanted to sign her, they should, and that Jennifer is still capable of being a profitable recording artist. But after listening to that hauntingly bad singing, I’m hoping that Def Jam pulls the plug on Jennifer’s singing dreams.

I keep forgetting about Jennifer Lopez! She’s got a new movie coming out in a few weeks. It’s The Backup Plan, that movie about a woman who gets knocked up and then meets the man of her dreams (Alex O’Loughlin, who I keep thinking is Michael Vartan – they look alike!). Here’s the trailer:

Anyway, Jennifer’s promotional duties are gearing up, and she’s done a bunch of interviews over the past few days. I saw her the other night talking about motherhood on E! News or something, and she just seemed… I don’t know. Maybe I’m not used to the “New Jennifer”. Because she seems so much like the Old Jennifer, only now she has babies. It’s weird. In any case, this interview cracked me up. Apparently, there’s a scene in The Backup Plan where you get to see Jennifer’s big, bare, pregnant butt. Except it’s not really her ass! Listen to this… chuckle:

In “The Back -Up Plan,” Jennifer Lopez’s new rom-com, there’s a scene where her pregnant-with-twins character is facing a mirror, checking out her expanding naked body.

When her boyfriend (Alex O’Loughlin) comes in the room, she races into the closet to hide and audiences get a glimpse of her character’s bare bum.

Well, guess what, that’s not really Jennifer. She gave The Dish Rag the real scoop at the junket today (Mar. 30)

“I just thought that a naked pregnant woman checking herself out would just be so funny,” Jennifer said. “I actually wish there was more of it in the movie. It was my idea to put it in because I remember being pregnant and marveling at the hugeness of my body, you know, like, looking at the mirror at all angles, but it’s something you do privately.”

“I really like that scene … and I thought we should have a real pregnant lady double with the real pregnant body do it. So that’s what we did. That’s an eight months pregnant woman.”

Did she get to cast her butt double? Like you had to ask?

“You talk about casting challenges,” says director Alan Poul. “That was the the most uncomfortable, to ask these pregnant women to show us their bodies.”

“But they did and they were fine with it,” adds Jennifer. “And they were beautiful.”

[From The Dish Rag]

I love the idea of Jennifer sitting around asking pregnant women to disrobe and show her their asses. For casting purposes! And you know she was probably right there, taking notes on all of the knocked up ladies. I don’t think I would want to take off my clothes in front of J.Lo. But that’s because I’m afraid she would try to make me put on some yeast-infection-y leather catsuit.

In one other piece of J.Lo news, she got another record deal! Back in February, she got dumped from Epic after a decade-long collaboration that created such gems as “Love Don’t Cost A Thing” and “Fresh Out The Oven”. Jennifer confirmed that she’s just signed on to Island’s Def Jam, which is the home of hitmaker L.A. Reid, who has worked wonders with Pink’s career. Well done, Jennifer!

Generally speaking, I’m not a huge Goldie Hawn fan. When I was a kid, I loved Private Benjamin, which I saw again recently and thought, “Damn, I was a dumb kid if this amused me.” But one film of Goldie’s stands the test of time, and has been considered (in my mind at least) Goldie’s bid for the one of the best comedies of all time. That film? Overboard. The story is contrived, of course, but somehow the combination of Goldie and Kurt Russell and enough odd-balls characters makes it work, and work well. Anyway, say goodbye to your childhoods, and say hello to your sense of “Stop screwing with the classics, dumb Hollywood.” Because Hollywood is going to remake that sh-t. And they’re going to cast Jennifer Lopez in the Goldie role. UGH.

Jennifer Lopez will likely play Goldie Hawn’s role in a remake of the classic 1987 rom-com Overboard, in which a rich spoiled woman falls in love with a carpenter.

In the original comedy, directed by Pretty Woman director Garry Marshall, Goldie’s heiress falls off her yacht, only to hit her head and forget who she is.

Her carpenter (Kurt Russell) gets his revenge on her by collecting her from the hospital and convincing her she is his long-suffering wife and mother to his unruly children.

Will Smith is producing the reboot, says The Hollywood Reporter, meanwhile J. Lo’s movie comeback The Back-up Plan opens on April 23.

[From OK! Magazine]

For the love of God, make it stop! It’s not even that I hate Jennifer or anything – who is photographed here looking very pretty at Showest yesterday. Jennifer can act, sort of. She’s funny, sort of. But Jennifer is not good enough to redo Goldie in one of Goldie’s funniest performances. Ugh, this is just a bad idea from start to finish.

By the way, doesn’t it seem like Jennifer still has her amazing figure when she’s not jammed into some yeast-infection-y leather catsuit? She really does look amazing when she dresses with sophistication.

Jennifer at Showest in Las Vegas on March 18, 2010. Credit: WENN.

Hey, does everyone remember when Jennifer Lopez claimed that she would “never” consider in vitro fertilization because she’s so “traditional”? She said it in her Elle Magazine cover profile several months ago, claiming: “When it comes to family and relationships, I’m quite traditional. Just because of the way I was raised. And I also believe in God and I have a lot of faith in that, so I just felt like you don’t mess with things like that. And I guess deep down I really felt like either this is not going to happen for me or it is. You know what I mean? And if it is, it will. And if it’s not, it’s not going to.” Well, either this new report from Star Magazine is all kinds of wrong, or J.Lo is a big liar. Star claims that Jennifer is trying to get pregnant again, and she’s doing it with the aid of a prominent fertility doctor:

Most moms would have their hands full with young twins – but Jennifer can’t wait to add to her brood! Jennifer has visited Beverly Hills doctor Jay Goldberg, who deals with fertility issues, several times in the past month, and is considering turning to in-vitro fertilization to make her baby dreams come true.

“Jennifer insists she didn’t do IVF with the twins, even though a lot of people think she did,” a source reveals. “But now she’s having difficulty getting pregnant again.”

So the determined star – whose son Max and daughter Emme are two – has already had numerous blood tests and exams to see if IVF is right for her.

“She’s not going to give up,” the source adds. “Jennifer says she used to think that having two kids was enough. But she and Marc love being parents so much, they’re beyond ready to have more!”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, March 22, 2010]

Now, of course, “fertility doctor” doesn’t always mean in vitro. And it also could be that Star is pulling this story out of thin air. There’s part of me that wonders if Jennifer is really so family-oriented, considering she’s spent most of her time post-birth trying to revive her old triple-threat career. But maybe J.Lo is really trying to have more babies? She recently sat down with OK! Magazine to talk more about her family priorities:

Your private life seems to be your priority now.
I do have more of a private life now. That part of my life has changed. I just didn’t want to be that person anymore.

You seem to be much more relaxed than earlier in your career.
I guess I am. You start out young and confident, thinking you want to be an actress and singer. Then you actually do it and it’s great for a while, but then you have all this success and other things start becoming more important.

Is it hard to juggle work and family life?
I think you have to know what is most important to you. And I think you have to realize that as much as you put into your relationship and your children — but more so. That’s how you balance it. For me, my family is the most important thing and everything else comes after that.

You seem so happy and content with your life, despite how busy you are.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that the harder things are, the better things are. Where you’re test, that’s where you get to the next level in your life. You do things because your gut tells you to do them; then they can never be wrong because they’re right for you, no matter how [things are] perceived. The important thing is that you did it and you did it in the best way you could.

[From OK! Magazine]

Do I believe everything that comes out of Jennifer’s mouth? Not really. Because her actions seem to contradict her words, right? I mean, she’s been filming movies and sketchy music videos, she’s been doing musical performances all around the world and she’s made a new album. At some point she’s going to stop talking about how she’s so family-oriented. But, hey, no judgment. While I think she’s generally full of sh-t, I do think she puts a high price on keeping her private life private, especially after the Bennifer 1.0 disaster. But I also think she would sell Marc Anthony for a #1 at the box office.

I mean, is this the face of a woman who would rather be home with her kids?

Jennifer Lopez on March 7, 2010, at the Oscars and post-Oscar parties. Credit: WENN.

I completely forgot Jennifer Lopez’s “bubble wrap dress” when I was doing the fashion posts earlier today, although I did mention on the live red carpet post that I thought it looked horrible. At first, on television, I thought the Armani Privé dress was polka-dotted, white on pale pink or something like that. Now that I’m looking at photos of it, I still think the fabric is weird, but not as bad as before. Unfortunately, the fabric wasn’t the only problem. The problem was the cut, the design, the weirdness of it. New York Magazine notes that Vogue’s André Leon Talley claimed it was his “favorite dress of the night” but NY Mag also snarks that it “looked like it had a vagina flapping off of it.” What’s wrong with that?!? Haha.

What was worse, in my opinion, was that Jennifer decided that she would be one of the chosen Oscar attendees who needed a costume change before hitting the party circuit. Now, I get why, like, a nominee or a winner would want to change: because they probably sweated through their Oscar clothes. But Jennifer? Why does she need a costume change? And why this dress (below)? If you thought you hated her Oscar dress, I give you this fugness:

Oh, Jennifer. Why can’t you just be normal? Your normal is fabulous enough. And did you notice it’s not just a costume change? She completely redid her hair and makeup too! But she’s got the same open-mouthed, “I’m too sexy for this fug” expression! I swear, that was accidental on my part, I didn’t mean to pick two photos where she’s making the same hilarious face! Good Lord, this woman!

Jennifer Lopez at the Oscars and the Oscar parties on March 7, 2010. Credit: WENN.

Jennifer Lopez has been dropped by her record label, Sony Universal. Her camp would have you believe that her contract ran out and both sides opted not to renew. This means that her upcoming album, Love, with such gems as Louboutins and Fresh Out The Oven, does not yet have a distributor. It looks like that half-assed attempt to re-brand herself as “Lola” and cling to her past in skin tight catsuits couldn’t make up for her lousy music.

“Jennifer had a wonderful relationship with the Sony Music Group, and they have shared many successes together, but the time was right to make a change that best serves the direction of her career as an actress and recording artist, she is grateful and appreciative to everyone at Sony for all that they accomplished together,” Lopez’s manager, Benny Medina, said in a statement Monday.

But this also means that Lopez’s upcoming seventh studio album is now homeless, so we must ask, What about Love?

The album was due out in April but, according to Deadline Hollywood, which first reported the Epic-Lopez split, Love? isn’t finished yet and might never be completed.

Of course, one theory is that Sony dropped Lopez because the creative well had run dry, but the official word remains that her contract had simply expired and the parties amicably opted not to renew.

We expect she’ll be back on her Louboutins in no time, however. J.Lo’s camp is already said to be negotiating a deal with another label, and the songstress will pull double duty on Saturday Night Live this weekend as both host and musical guest.

[From E! Online]

Lopez always has her mediocre romcom career to fall back on. I’m not a fan at all, but I do have to grudgingly admit that she’s not the worst actress. She’s funny and I thought she was passable in that Angel Eyes movie and in the one with Matthew McConaughey where she plays The Wedding Planner who inevitably gets the guy. Lopez has The Backup Plan coming out on April 23. (Her fertility comedy trumps by Jennifer Aniston’s The Baster, a romcom with a similar plot, which isn’t out in August.) I can’t wait to see what Lopez wears on the red carpet. It’s bound to be low cut, tight, and way too young for her. Lopez is also working on two more films, according to IMDB. Will she finally get the Oscar she thinks she deserves?

Uh, I think I’m getting a yeast infection just from looking at these photos of Jennifer Lopez performing at the 2010 San Remo Italian Music Festival on Friday. Yes, she’s wearing a leather catsuit (that she looks like she’s about to bust out of). True, this leather catsuit isn’t as bad as the nearly-nude, saggy-butt one she wore on New Year’s Eve. But it still kind of sucks. At some point, I do have to ask La Lopez: why the catsuits? Can’t you find a cute outfit that isn’t a onesie (that won‘t give you a yeast infection)?

If you thought the outfit was the worst part, you’re mistaken. There’s video of Jennifer performing a medley of her songs, and it’s… rough. I suppose I could give Jennifer credit for attempting to sing live. But she should know by now that she’s not the best live singer, and that hearing her sing live isn’t why people come. Here’s the video below, and a summary by the NYDN:

J.Lo’s cat-suit look apparently has nine lives, or at least two.

After stalking into the new year in a sparkly body-hugging cat-suit, Jennifer Lopez’s booty set tongues wagging again Friday night – this time in a skin tight black leather suit accessorized with studs and laces.

The curvy 41-year-old singer, who was performing on the fourth night of the 2010 San Remo Italian Music Festival, seems to have maintained her stamina and her curves since the New Year.

Lopez sang a medley of her major hits: “Jenny from the Block,” “Waiting for Tonight,” “Love Don’t Cost a Thing,” “Get Right” and “Lets Get Loud.”

No doubt constricted by the tight leather, she didn’t perform highly complicated moves, settling for a lot of hip swiveling and stomping. But that was probably enough for the male population.

The highlight of the performance had Lopez and her back-up dancers twirling canes for a Charlie Chaplin-esque number.

The mother of two took to the stage twice for the festival’s 60th anniversary. During her second act she wore gold tasseled military regalia and sang “What Is Love?” – a single from her new album, “Love?”

At the end of the show, Lopez smiled under a sea of confetti and shouted breathlessly, “You didn’t know I could do that did you?”

[From The New York Daily News]

“You didn’t know I could do that did you?” Uh… yes, we did know that you couldn’t sing live and dance in time all while wearing a yeasty leather catsuit. But, seriously, I love that Jennifer tried. I give her credit for trying. She’s funny when she tries. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll say it again: I am not a Jennifer Lopez hater. I kind of like her and all of her diva antics. I get enjoyment from how she’s so full of herself and how she thinks we’ve all been sitting around, praying for her musical/dancing/acting/fashion comeback. And in some ways, we have been sitting around waiting for it. Because Jennifer is usually newsworthy. Even if it’s the bad kind of newsworthy.

Jennifer Lopez performing in Italy on February 19, 2010. Credit: WENN & Getty.

The past few weeks, Jennifer Lopez has been taking it easy and letting us enjoy a little break without her constant demands that we love her, old-school. I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted! Because Jennifer is gearing up to promote The Back-Up Plan, which comes out on April 23. Seems like we’ve got time? Of course not. Not when Jennifer is hellbent on her triple-threat comeback (actress, singer and insane diva). Thus, we have a new Entertainment Tonight interview with J.Lo, and she’s telling us she’s hungry for more babies, but only if she doesn’t have to plan for them. I think that’s what she’s saying:

‘The Back-Up Plan’ star Jennifer Lopez talks about her twins and whether she’d be willing to expand her family with our own Kevin Frazier!

“I want more babies,” says Jennifer when asked if shooting ‘The Back-up Plan’ makes her want to have more kids.

“I’m trying to work out whether it makes me want to get married first, then have babies,” replies co-star Alex O’Loughlin. “It’s made me realize how complicated this could be if you did it backwards.”

“That’s the whole subject of the movie — you can’t plan your life,” agrees Jennifer. “As much as you would like to say, ‘This is what I want to do and this is how I want to do it, and by this time and it’s all going to be perfect,’ that’s not really life, you know? That’s not really how it is. You have to just be willing to go with what happens.”

In theaters April 23, ‘The Back-up Plan’ finds Jennifer as Zoe, a pet store owner who just can’t find Mr. Right. Desperate to be a mother and tired of waiting, she decides to go at it alone with artificial insemination, only to meet Stan (Alex) — a man with real possibilities — the same day. While most people fall in love, get married and then have a baby, Zoe’s trying to do all three — just not necessarily in that order.

Of fraternal twins Emme and Max, who turn two this month, Jennifer says they’re already used to her whirlwind lifestyle with hubby Marc Anthony.

“They just love people, and they love music, and they love laughing and running around,” reports Jennifer. “They’re very well adjusted to this life; they know nothing else. … It’s like traveling, dancing, singing, sets — that’s their life. They kind of get, like, this is what we do.”

[From Entertainment Tonight]

I find myself agreeing with Jennifer! What’s this world coming to? No, I get what she’s trying to say: “If you want to make god laugh, tell him your plans.” You can’t plan everything, sometimes you just have to let sh-t happen. But I find the subtext of the interview funny. Jennifer is all “Must have babies… but you can’t plan it, so I probably won’t have anymore.” Whoops, I mean, of course Jennifer could have more babies. Didn’t you know she’s hyper-fertile and she’s too traditional to do in vitro? Yeah.

And just because I love this diva, here’s the trailer for The Back-Up Plan:

Jennifer at the Super Bowl on February 6, 2010. Credit: INFphoto.com

It’s no secret to me that Jennifer Lopez is delusional, that she thinks she’s God’s gift, that she spends her time wondering aloud about what it will be like when she wins her long-awaited Oscar, that she’s a narcissistic diva. All that being said, I kind of enjoy Jennifer Lopez, much in the same way I enjoy Gwyneth Paltrow. They’re fun because they are so delusional.

Anyhoodle, Jennifer gave an interview to Us Weekly where she kind of went off on how great her figure is. She announced to the mag: “My abs are pretty flat for having twins!” When asked how, Lopez replied: “Nothing crazy. It’s about being consistent. That’s it. You have to put the work in. It’s true I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge, but I’m proud of my butt. A dress shouldn’t look like a coat hanger. Skinny girls miss out.” Okay, Jennifer. We get it. You’re still amazing! What’s weird is that Jennifer’s delusional behavior seems to have rubbed off on Jennifer’s new friend and “designer” Victoria Beckham:

They’re both multi-tasking moms and wives, fashion icons, and pop music veterans, but Victoria Beckham and Jennifer Lopez share one more thing in common, believe it or not: dress sizes!

Although Lopez as is famous for her curves as Beckham is for her rail-thin frame, Beckham tells 10 magazine (via The Cut) that they actually fit into the same dresses.

Discussing her fashion line to the magazine, Beckham, 34, says, “My dresses are for women of all different shapes and sizes. Actually, the one I tried on yesterday was the one Jennifer wore.”

Posh herself sounds as surprised as anyone, adding, “Who’d have thought I’d be the same size as Jennifer Lopez!”

The British star doesn’t note what that exact dress size is.

Even with three sons underfoot, Beckham has said frequently that she still hits the gym seven days a week. “I run so quick after a double espresso, my [sneakers] are on fire! They have sparks!” she says.

Ryan Seacrest, who worked alongside Beckham when she was a guest judge on American Idol, observed that she eats “perfectly… [she says], ‘I’m getting the steamed this, the steamed that.’”

By contrast, Lopez told Allure magazine recently, “I’m not the monster I used to be in the exercise department…You get past your 20s, you’ve got kids…you’re kind of unmotivated. You want to be healthy and look good, but you want to do the least amount to maintain that.”

[From Us Weekly]

Now, I am not saying that Jennifer is big – she’s not. She has a very healthy, lovely figure. I’m just saying that there is no way in hell that Lopez and Posh are the same size. Victoria Beckham is so, so tiny. She’s gaunt! She wears corsets to give herself a waist circumference in the teens! How could they wear the same size? Ugh.

By the way, here’s Jennifer Lopez’s latest single, “Everybody’s Girl” – just released yesterday. Will this beat out the now-classic single “Louboutins”?

Jennifer Lopez in NY on January 20, 2010. Posh in London on December 9, 2009. Credit: WENN.