These are some selected shots from Jessica Alba’s appearance in the April issue of Vogue Italia – for the full photo shoot, go here to Yeeeah. I don’t really know why Alba is in Vogue Italia… perhaps to promote one of her films? Something that is only coming out in Italy right now, but that came out in America months ago? Could be. Or it could be that Alba is just trying to reinforce this idea that she’s some kind of high-fashion vamp. The styling is supposed to achieve that, I think. “Vamp” perhaps. Or even “dominatrix”. And I believe this is one of the most unflattering wigs I’ve ever seen, and the very definition for me of “bangs trauma”. Alba doesn’t have a lot going for her, career-wise, but she is very pretty, and you put her in this wig and suddenly she looks 20 years older and infinitely “harder”.

In the Vogue interview, Alba talks about her own style, farting this out:

“My own style is probably a mixture of high and low. I’m definitely into sort of layering and I like mystery so I don’t put it all out there. I play dress up for a living — for photo shoots and for working and movies or whatnot — I sort of wear more revealing things that show my body. But in life I like things that have a little bit more mystery. I like things that are elegant and chic, but then a little rock-and-roll.”

[From Vogue via HuffPo]

Sure. I have no issue with that. What I do think is a bit funny though is that her second pregnancy isn’t getting half as much attention as she hoped it would. Alba has taken over from Jennifer Garner as the most-pap’d mother out there – I see photos of Alba, Cash Warren and Honor like every other day, and there are barely any blogs or magazines running the photos because… well, Alba is so boring. Even when she’s dressed up like a bangs-trauma’d dominatrix, it’s still zzzz…..

Photos courtesy of Vogue Italia via Yeeeah.

These are newish photos of Jessica Alba and Honor Warren on Thursday. It was Jessica’s second oddly paparazzi-friendly outing since announcing her second pregnancy on Wednesday. Alba’s husband Cash Warren was tweeting about it hours after Alba announced the news on Facebook. First: Cash has a Twitter account. Quick, name his job! You can’t, right? Anyway, he tweeted: “Can’t tell you how much the positive tweets mean. Smiles from ear to ear. lots of love back at cha.” Then, Alba tweeted: “Ok ya’ll…have a great night. And again I can’t thank you enough for all of the wonderful messages you sent me today.”

Meh. At this point, that’s all Alba gets from me. I hope she’s healthy and happy and that her pregnancy goes well, but I’m not really excited about it or anything. I think it’s because I just don’t really get Alba. Generally speaking, her public image as a celebrity is schizophrenic, and yet so, so boring. I get it when it’s someone like Jennifer Garner, who at one point had her daughters in front of the paparazzi cameras nearly every day for something like four months straight. Garner obviously sells herself on a particular image – the nice girl, the good wife (in a bad marriage), and loving mother. Her fan base is made up of women, mostly moms, who adore her and her daughters, and who demand their near-daily dose of dimples. But what’s with Alba? At times it’s like she’s trying to do the Garner thing and try to appeal to the moms. Alba will do the paparazzi-friendly jaunts so the everyone gets photos of Honor. And then to mix it up, Alba will try to be a fashion girl, and work a red carpet like Charlize Theron… only Alba gets it wrong more often than she gets it right. And she almost always looks manufactured, like somebody just decided how she should look and she had no imput. And then after that, she’ll try to do the sex-bot thing, and try to win back her fan base of horny boys and young men who have already moved on to Megan Fox or Brooklyn Decker or Kelly Brook. And then she’ll mix it up and end up alienating half of Hollywood by disrespecting screenwriters and actors and anyone with half a brain. I just think she’s flailing, career-wise, and she’s just copying what other famous women do, all in an attempt to create some kind of persona. Am I over thinking this?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Jessica Alba is pregnant again! She must have been tired of all of the attention Natalie Portman was getting. At first, I wrote that as a joke, but it’s probably true, right? Anyway, Alba revealed her pregnancy on her Facebook page. She’s been making a few public appearances over the past few weeks, and I didn’t notice any bump or anything, which is so unlike me. I usually call “bump” over nothing. CB pointed out that she called Alba’s last pregnancy, when Alba first started to show and before Alba had announced it.

Jessica Alba has announced she is pregnant with her second child. The Fantastic Four actress shared the news with her fans on Facebook this morning.

In the message to fans, she wrote: ‘I thought I’d drop by to let you all in on some exciting news – Honor is going to be a Big Sister! Cash and I are thrilled and wanted to share the news directly with you so you didn’t hear about it somewhere else. I appreciated all of the love and support you all gave me during my first pregnancy and will definitely appreciate it again this time around.’

The 29-year-old actress and her 32-year-old husband already have a two-and-a-half year old daughter, Honour. The little girl was born on June 7, 2008, at Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre in Los Angeles.

Jessica and Cash met on the set of ‘The Fantastic Four’ in 2004 and got engaged in December after learning of the unplanned pregnancy. They wed at the Beverly Hills courthouse on May 19, 2008.

[From The Daily Mail]

I forget, does Alba’s expression turn even bitchier and more bored when she’s pregnant, or does she get happier? From what I remember, her first pregnancy didn’t really improve on her “natural bitchface”. But at least we can count on more interviews from Alba about her weight. Ever since she had Honor, she’s worn that pregnancy weight gain like a friggin’ crown of thorns. It was seriously the worst, most traumatic thing that ever happened to her. So… I’m excited about this one!

These are all photos from this past weekend, by the way. I think she must still be in her first trimester. Her boobs don’t even look bigger!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Yesterday, there was a big dinner held by Vogue Paris, in honor of Carine Roitfeld. Fashion girls Jessica Alba, Diane Kruger and Kate Moss were all there. Alba and Kruger both wore Gucci, and both looked very different. I completely and totally adore this grey-blue dress on Alba, honestly. This is one of the best dresses she’s ever worn, right up there with the Versace she wore to the 2006 Oscars. Alba can be hit-or-miss – I get the feeling that she still isn’t sure what silhouettes look best on her, and she usually has a color problem – in that she doesn’t wear a ton of color on red carpets. But I LOVE this dress on her. Also, since I’m getting grandiose, I just wanted to point out one of the finest examples of Alba Bitchface EVER. This is how Alba looks when she gets to sit next to Kate Moss:

As for Diane – people are saying this dress is Gucci, so I’ll buy it. To me it looks too fussy to be Gucci, but whatever. This is definitely her style – Diane likes dresses with lots of detailing, which can get very fussy. Somehow, it usually works on her, though. I like this dress, but I don’t love it.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Last night was the big premiere of Little Fockers, starring Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, et al. There is a new addition to the cast, though – Jessica Alba. She fancies herself a fashion girl, you know, she continued with this season’s winter-white bridal theme, and wore a tiered Valentino on the red carpet. She’s also changed her hair – it’s darker, shorter and sleeker than her last hairstyle, and I hate to be a bitch (not really), but this hair ages her terribly. Also – her date was her husband Cash Warren. They are still my “wild card” entry for the next couple to split, although they looked tight on the red carpet. And the shoes are Louboutins, by the way. Can we call expensive shoes like that “stripper heels”? Because that’s what they’re being called.

By the way, remember Jessica Alba’s interview in Elle Magazine, where she disrespected screenwriters with the comment: “Good actors, never use the script unless it’s amazing writing. All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.” And then she also disrespected her directors too – from Elle:

“I know I haven’t been swimming in the deep end with some of the movies I’ve done,” she says. “I wasn’t trying to. I knew what they were.” Alba does, however, offer one clinical reason as to why these movies bombed. She whispers it: “First-time directors.”

[From Elle]

Anyway, LaineyGossip has a follow-up on Alba’s stupidity – she’s claiming that Elle completely misquoted her, and that she never said anything like that. Here are some of the quotes coming out of Alba’s Little Fockers’ promotional tour:

“That wasn’t true. Just so it’s clear, films don’t even get made and nothing ever gets a green light unless there’s great material. That’s always a #1 thing before you can get a director, actors or a studio even interested in anything.”

“There was an article written recently where I was completely and totally paraphrased and things were taken out of context and mushed together. It was a four-hour interview that got condensed into a page and a half for a fashion magazine. When I was doing my first job where I was talking to dolphins in The New Adventures of Flipper when I was 13 – it was a fake dolphin, we had a great relationship [laughs] – when he would go off script, the dolphin, I didn’t know how to. He would squeak and I couldn’t squeak back. It took me like 15 years to learn to do that – and lots of therapy. Basically I was saying that I didn’t have the courage and didn’t really understand how to bring my own thing to the table and I would never veer away from the script, ever, no matter what. Even when actors would go off book, I didn’t know what to say.”

[Quotes via LaineyGossip]

If it was just one wonky quote in an otherwise boiler-plate interview, I might believe her. But the entire Elle piece was chock full of Alba-isms, meaning that she’s a conceited, moronic bitch with little to be conceited about, and now she’s throwing Elle under the bus.

Anyway, here are more photos from the Little Fockers premiere… Ben Stiller and De Niro look over it, but Dustin Hoffman is adorable. Also, Alba’s bitchface was in full effect throughout the red carpet. Why does she look so pissed to be standing next to Robert De Niro, for the love of God? Also – don’t even ask me what Teri Polo is wearing. God. And where’s Barbra Streisand?!?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

A couple of weeks ago, we had some of the first excerpts from Jessica Alba’s December cover interview with Elle Magazine. The interview was especially notable because Alba said some particularly dumb things, even for her. The one quote that made me laugh (and cry) was “Good actors never use the script unless it’s amazing writing. All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.” Right. Ugh. Anyway, long story short, I never remembered to check to see if there were any more interesting quotes from the piece, and then I got my new Elle yesterday. The whole Alba piece is a mere two pages, nearly half of which is made up of random quotes from Alba’s costars talking about how great she is (eye roll). But! There are a few more “bitch, please” parts I wanted to pull, including Alba’s decision to throw her “first-time directors” under the bus for her series of bombs.

Jessica throws her directors under the bus: Jessica Alba’s previous forays into funny have never been quite as promising. There was 2007’s utterly flat Good Luck Chuck, in which Alba played a penguin researcher opposite Dane Cook (ha?), and 2008’s The Love Guru, a Mike Myers send-up about spirituality and hockey—two chronically foreign concepts that don’t really play to the passions of America’s moviegoing masses. Of course, Alba’s too savvy to trash any big names, and perhaps too kind to go overboard in assigning blame. She takes accountability where she needs to. “I know I haven’t been swimming in the deep end with some of the movies I’ve done,” she says. “I wasn’t trying to. I knew what they were.” Alba does, however, offer one clinical reason as to why these movies bombed. She whispers it: “First-time directors.”

Her low point was when her director told her she was ugly when she cried: “I wanted to stop acting,” Alba says. “I hated it. I really hated it.” Actually, it was the lack of acting she hated. “I remember when I was dying in Silver Surfer,” she says, referring to the 2007 Fantastic Four sequel in which she plays a woman who alternates between being invisible and wearing a spandex catsuit. “The director was like, ‘It looks too real. It looks too painful. Can you be prettier when you cry? Cry pretty, Jessica.’ He was like, ‘Don’t do that thing with your face. Just make it flat. We can CGI the tears in.’ And I’m like, But there’s no connection to a human being. And then it all got me thinking: Am I not good enough? Are my instincts and my emotions not good enough? Do people hate them so much that they don’t want me to be a person? Am I not allowed to be a person in my work? And so I just said, ‘F-ck it. I don’t care about this business anymore.’”

After she became a mother, she started choosing directors who she couldn‘t throw under the bus: “The time I’m not spending with my kid has to be worth it,” she says, moving her brown Wayfarers toward her boxy Burberry bag, “so when I sat down with my agents after I was ready to go back to work, I told them: It’s all about the directors.” Alba wasn’t dead set on being a leading lady anymore either. She’d pursue roles based on quality of experience rather than quantity of screen time. “Now I prefer I’m not the lead,” she says nonchalantly, pleased with the maturity of the revelation. “It’s a totally different approach—way better.”

On how she probably would have refused to work with Robert Rodriguez and Robert DeNiro earlier in her career because she didn’t want to be typecast as Hispanic: [The role in Machete] is exactly the kind of part Alba would have chafed at earlier in her career, worrying about being typecast forever. “I feel like I have nothing to lose now,” she says. “If the part looks fun and I get to work with great people—De Niro was in this one too; I’ve done two movies with Robert De Niro this year!—I’m going to take it. Machete was hilarious. I made no money doing it; it was just a project to do with my friend [Rodriguez], who, by the way, allowed me to have a lot of input on my character.”

[From Elle]

My God, this chick is so stuck up her ass. And she’s dumb too – really, powerfully stupid. So… not only is she disrespecting screenwriters in this interview (and she really did offend people), but she’s also throwing many of her directors under the bus for her history of lousy performances. At some point, directors and writers and yes, even her costars, are going to collectively turn to Jessica and say “You know what, moron? It’s you. It’s not us. The world is not conspiring against you to make you look like a griping, unprofessional idiot who can’t act her way out of a paper bag. You’re doing that all on your own.”

Elle Magazine photos and scans courtesy of Jessica Alba’s fansite.

Last Friday, I covered Jessica Alba’s Elle Magazine December cover and interview excerpts. The excerpts were especially notable, because Alba is such a f-cking idiot. Hand to God, she said this to Elle Magazine: “Good actors, never use the script unless it’s amazing writing. All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.” I took Alba to task, as did many, many others. As I said at the time, Alba’s comment was a huge diss to screenwriters – Alba is basically saying that all “good” actors are so brilliant that they can ALWAYS come up with better lines than screenwriters. Anyway, as commenter Gloaming just pointed out, now screenwriters are reacting to Dame Alba’s comments. Their response? A united “Bitch, please.” Well… at this point it’s just screenwriter John August, a reoccurring collaborator with Tim Burton – they worked together on Big Fish, Corpse Bride, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. This is what August had to say on his blog:

Oh, Jessica

I have to believe she was misquoted, or excerpted in some unflattering way, because Jessica Alba couldn’t have actually said this: “Good actors, never use the script unless it’s amazing writing. All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.”

Oh, Jessica. Where to start?

Scripts aren’t just the dialogue. Screenplays reflect the entire movie in written form, including those moments when you don’t speak. Do you know the real reason we hold table readings in pre-production? So the actors will read the entire script at least once.

Following your logic, you’ve never been in a movie with both good actors and amazing writing. That may be true, but it might hurt the feelings of David Wain, Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller.

You’re saying your co-stars who delivered their lines as written are not “good actors.” Awkward. You’re setting dangerous expectations. So if an aspiring actor wishes to be “good,” she should say whatever she wants to say? That’s pretty terrible advice. Screenwriters can be your best friends. We are pushovers for attractive people who pay attention to us. I wrote that bathtub scene in Big Fish because Jessica Lange made brief eye contact with me. So if you’re not getting great writing — and honestly, you’re not — ask to have lunch with the screenwriter. I’ve seen you on interviews. You’re charming. That charm could work wonders.

Again: I know that quotes often come out in ways we never intended. It’s lacking context — though the photos are lovely. (Hi, Carter Smith!) I’m calling this out just so we can all hopefully learn something.

[From Deadline]

That’s cute. He didn’t get all pissy and mean, it’s like he’s chiding a very small, very dumb child. Which Alba kind of is.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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Jessica Alba is the cover girl for the December issue of Elle Magazine. Yes, I wrote “December”. The issue usually devoted to coats and winter and Christmas, and most magazines use some kind of red or green motif. Not Elle. Not when you could do a cover shoot like everyone spends their Christmas holiday on a tropical island, and that they need to do their shopping in November. Ugh. Resort wear. Anyway, despite my griping about the summery feel of the shoot, the actual photos are lovely. Alba is turning into a pretty good model – now let’s see if she can act her way out of a paper bag. That might take two brain cells to rub together, so let’s go to the interview excerpts:

On balancing motherhood and work:
“The time I’m not spending with my kid has to be worth it, so when I sat down with my agents after I was ready to go back to work, I told them: It’s all about the directors.”

On her choice of roles:
“I know I haven’t been swimming in the deep end with some of the movies I’ve done. I wasn’t trying to. I knew what they were.”

On her personality:
“I’m shy. I don’t like being the center of attention. But when I do comedy, I lose all inhibition and introspection. I no longer care.”

On criticism: “I’d been so afraid of criticism ever since I was young. Every time I’d get a critique or some redirection, I’d always just take it very personally, but now I have no problem with it. It’s just a chance to try things a different way. To play more with a character. It also gives me a chance to have some input, to use my voice.”

On not respecting screenwriters: “Good actors, never use the script unless it’s amazing writing. All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.”

[From Elle]

That last quote is the one that made my eyes roll back like I was convulsing. “Good actors, never use the script unless it’s amazing writing. All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.” Are you f-cking kidding me? Granted, there’s a lot of crap in Hollywood, and yes, some really dumb scripts get green-lit. But how is Jessica disrespecting screenwriters going to help her career? And why is she trying to take “all the good actors” down with her? And why does Dame Alba think the crap she comes up with will be so much more elegant and smart than whatever team of hacks is re-writing Alba’s latest dumb rom-com? It’s one thing if Meryl Streep wants to change a line to make it funnier. It’s quite another thing for Dame Alba to basically say that all “good” actors make sh-t up when they’re working with a script they don’t like. How about this – if you don’t like the script, don’t make the damn movie.

Photos courtesy of Elle.

A few days ago, we got the preview of Jessica Alba’s photo shoot and interview for the November issue of GQ UK. These photos are from the actual shoot, as opposed to screen caps, like we had before. This photos are very, very sexy, and you can see that Jessica’s “Hotness Renaissance” is back and in full effect. Of course, Jessica doesn’t think so. In the excerpts so far, Jessica is fishing for compliments and telling us that she doesn’t see herself as beautiful or sexy. Right. That’s why she’s posing like this. Here are more excerpts from her interview:

Jessica Alba has revealed she would be up for appearing in Avatar 2. The actress would relish the thought of working with filmmaker James Cameron again, after he gave her her big break when he picked her to star in cult TV series Dark Angel.

“He knows where to find me – I’m always available to him,” she told GQ. “If we can work together and have a successful movie and make a lot of money, then great. But most importantly, he’s my friend.”

Jessica, who next stars in Robert Rodriguez’s Machete, added: “Career-wise, the most impactful people for me have been James Cameron and Robert Rodriguez.”

The 29-year-old also admitted she felt nervous around Robert De Niro, who she co-stars with in the slasher thriller.

“It felt like I was dreaming. You work with De Niro and you suddenly feel totally different,” she said. “My heart was beating fast, I got tongue-tied, I was sweating and so nervous. But he was so sweet, and gentle, calm, quiet and kept to himself.”

She couldn’t resist asking him for advice: “I said to him, ‘Robert, please help me, I don’t want to f**k this up, please don’t let me suck’.”

Alba also told UK men’s magazine GQ that she is not confident about her looks and that she doesn’t understand why she is regarded as a sex symbol.

She said: “”My breasts are saggy, I’ve got cellulite, my hips are bigger, but I love it – there’s something so amazing about having a child. [I'm] way more comfortable, since I had a baby. I’m far less self-conscious now I have her to worry about. I just feel better about myself. I’m not so hard on myself. I don’t get it. Every actress out there is more beautiful than me. Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, Jennifer Garner, Beyoncé, you name it. All better looking than me. I’ve seen them without make-up, so I know.”

And despite being regularly featured on the cover of men’s magazines, Alba admitted that she doesn’t enjoy the experience.

She said: “I’ve never been comfortable showing my body off like that. I used to have anxiety attacks before I did the photo-shoots. I’d never worn high-heels or even dresses before I did movies… “I wasn’t even allowed to show my stomach in my house when I was growing up – my parents were very strict. But this is the business I’m in, and it’s made me a lot of money, so I can’t complain.”

[From The Press Association & Hollywood News]

So, there you go Hollywood. You have a young star who hates her body, has really low self-esteem, believes that her modesty can be sold for a couple of million, and will do “anything” to work with James Cameron. Sounds like a lot of girls, honestly.

GQ UK photos courtesy of Egotastic.