Jessica Alba is the cover girl for the November issue of GQ UK. We are mid-way through what some are describing as Jessica’s “hotness renaissance” – she lost so much of her fan-base of younger men when she got pregnant, and Jessica has never really recovered. She tried to appeal to women – we get lots of paparazzi photos of Jessica with her daughter, and lots of fashion pics where we debate her (questionable) style. All to appeal to women in the hopes that we can make up for the cult following she gained and lost when she was The Hot Girl (circa 2005-2006). Anyway, I think Jessica is trying to go back to her “Hot Girl” roots and let men know that even though she’s a mom now, her body is still to die for. Here’s the preview video of a very moist and oily Alba for her GQ shoot:

Good lord, did they oil her up enough? Is that what men find sexy? A hot girl, dipped in oil? As for the interview, there are only a few choice quotes that have come out thus far. Let’s see how Alba feels about her hotness renaissance: “My breasts are saggy, I’ve got cellulite, my hips are bigger…every actress out there is more beautiful than me.” She also talks about doing these kinds of shoots: “I’ve never been comfortable showing my body off. I used to have anxiety attacks before shoots.” Aw, poor baby. She’s really trying to get us to like her, isn’t she? I have to admit, she’s not as bad as some women. So I grudgingly accept that she has a career.

Photos courtesy of Popoholic & Celebrity Fashion Watcher.

Last night was the premiere of Machete at the Venice Film Festival. Once again, not an occasion for Lindsay Lohan’s triumphant, cracked-out return to the red carpet (more on her in a sec). Basically, the only people who came to Venice were the two “leads” – Danny Trejo and Jessica Alba, and the one of the co-directors, Robert Rodriguez. Oh, and Tarantino was there – I think he produced it, but he probably just showed up for his buddy. Anyway, all I really care about is Alba and this dress. I mean… I get it. Alba is a “fashion girl” now. She gets the most press from what she wears, as opposed to her acting or talent or even her personal life. But I’m getting the feeling that Alba is not up the challenge of being a “fashion girl.” She’s a lot like that other Jessica, Madame Biel, in that way. Although I will give Alba some credit – I think her style is generally better than Biel’s, but not by much.

So… the mullet dress. Why is this style popular? I’ve never understood. Ladies want to show off their legs in a short skirt, but they also want the drama of a long train. But that’s the fashion equivalent of a mullet – business up front, party in the back. And it’s just a cheesy look that I don’t care for, on any lady, really. January Jones can’t pull it off (at the Emmys). Neither can The Style Icon Cate Blanchett – her memorable mullet dress is 2007 Golden Globes fell flat, and she’s never gone mullet again. Learn from La Blanchett, Alba. LEARN IT.

Back to Lohan for a sec – according to Us Weekly’s sources, Lindsay wasn’t even invited to the LA premiere of Machete last week. She made a big deal about not going because she didn’t want to fall into a cracked-out cycle, and it turns out no one wanted her. Us Weekly’s source claims that director Robert Rodriguez was “frantically trying to track down her manager to make sure she didn’t go.” Meanwhile, a rep for the studio says that is “not true… She wasn’t welcome there.” Chuckle.

Machete premiere pics, September 1, 2010. Credit: WENN.

I’m not a fan of Jessica Alba, but I’ll grudgingly admit that she seems more tolerable now that she’s a wife and mother. She’s still full of it, though, and there’s something very holier-than-thou about her. There’s a reason MK at Dlisted nicknamed her “Miseralba.”

Anyway, a few months ago we heard some pretty believable rumors that Alba’s husband Cash Warren was getting too cozy with Lindsay Lohan out at some clubs. There were supposedly eyewitness accounts of them making out, but Alba went on to claim that it wasn’t true and that she was great friends with Lindsay, saying “She’s really nice. We hang out and chat for hours about girl stuff.” Only when Alba got asked on Letterman earlier this week whether she should step in to “help” Lindsay with her presumed drug addiction (Which Lindsay of course denies and which Letterman only alluded to) she clammed up and got nervous, saying “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that.” Was it because she can’t stand Lindsay after the way she macked on her husband or because she didn’t want to publicly acknowledge or deny that Lindsay has a problem? You can see the video of that part above.

OK! Magazine has more on Alba’s Letterman appearance, where she wore that ridiculous frilly blue baby doll dress with giant green velvet platform heels. She looked like a junior high student trying to look sexy for the spring formal. Alba talked about her daughter, Honor Marie Warren, who turned two on June 7, and said that she “overfed” her as a baby and that she weighed as much at six months as she does now, calling her “chubby.” She also said she’s a strict mom and talked about how Honor likes to defy her, but takes her time outs like a little champ. Why does it not surprise me that Alba is a strict mom who monitors her daughter’s weight?

Jessica Alba made an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman at the Ed Sullivan Theater in NYC on Monday to talk about her new film Machete. But instead the conversation turned to her daughter Honor Marie and how she was “overfed” as a baby. “She weighed just as much at six months as she does now,” Jessica confessed to David Letterman. “She was really chubby.”

Jessica revealed to David that Honor Marie really doesn’t disturb her beauty sleep.

“When she was like six months old, I would overfeed her,” Jessica says.”So, when [kids are] really full, they don’t wake up hungry.”

“That sounds abusive!” Jessica jokes but adds, “She was really chubby. She weighed just as much at six months as she does now.”

But now, Honor is causing Jessica a little more trouble.

“She’s walking and talking, she has lots of opinions,” she explains. “She talks about everything she wants and needs. She said she wants coffee in the morning.”

But the mom has a handle on little Honor Marie — she gives her water in a coffee cup!

“I’m very strict with her. When it’s time for her to eat, whether she’s hollering or whatever, it’s time to eat,” she said. “She gets a time-out if she cries for no reason. So then she stops because she doesn’t want a time-out.”

“Sometimes she asks me to go to time-out. If she does something bad she’ll say, ‘Honor time-out?’ and I’ll say, ‘Yeah, you’re getting a time-out’.”

[From OK!]

You see Alba out with Honor all the time. That kid is a cutie although she’s definitely learned from her mom how to give the paps the side eye. Do you think that Alba has plenty of help at home that she’s not acknowledging? Like a nanny, cook and cleaner that come every day? I wonder how much she’s really involved in feeding and disciplining her daughter. It sounds like she does it all, but I would bet she has full time staff. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.

Getting back to the interview, I don’t think she should call her daughter “chubby” at six months! It seems mean to me plus it just wasn’t true. Honor looked totally normal as a baby, judging from photographs.

Here are photos of Honor at six and seven months vs. a more recent photo below. She doesn’t look chubby to me, she’s a baby for goodness sake! Alba could be passing on her body issues to her daughter. Maybe I just don’t like her though.

Photo credit: Fame Pictures. Last two photos below are of after her Letterman appearance and are from 8/30/10. Credit: WENN.com

12/13/08

12/13/08

1/6/09

1/6/09

8/28/10

8/28/10

When I first saw Jessica Alba is this blue dress, the photo was cropped at her waist, and I was all “Alba wins, this is gorgeous.” Alas, the bottom half. I could maybe get passionate about the blue velvet shoes, which are rather spectacular, but the shirt of the dress is just killing this look for me. If it had just been a simple, straight hem, Alba would have won. But now she just looks like a little kid standing in a funhouse mirror, wearing some fancy little-girl frock her mom bought her. With velvet heels.

Anyway, those photos are from her appearance last night on The Late Show with David Letterman. This morning she’s in Venice for the film festival, and this is how she dressed for her first photocall:

Once again with the little-kid styling, right? What’s her deal?

Also, I just wanted to show these new photos of Salma Hayek – I was going to put them in their own post, but this kind of goes along with the theme of beautiful women not knowing how to dress. What is with this f-cking leather boob cincher? Let your girls breathe, Salma! And even beyond that, this outfit is a mess:

Alba in NYC on August 30, 2010, and in Venice on August 31, 2010. Credit: WENN. Salma in LA, credit: Fame.

When I first saw these Jessica Alba upskirt photos, I thought “Oh, is Machete coming out today?” But it doesn’t come out until next weekend, so either Jessica is doing a little early promotion with her (lovely) booty, or she just has no idea that short little dress + rooftop + wind + photographers on the street = upskirt. And if she doesn’t know that by now, what’s the point? Personally, I give Alba credit for knowing what she’s doing, and after all, if she really wanted to go full-on promotional style, she could have gone without underwear. As it is, she’s wearing panties and these are just some cute shots of her butt.

Fame Pictures notes that she was doing a balcony/roof photo shoot, probably for a magazine, I guess. They also say that Alba left the shoot with some swag bags. Eh.

Honestly, if this was something that Alba was aware of (which I think it was), and it was to promote Machete, then good for her. She needs Machete to do well, and she needs some credit if Machete does well. Machete director Robert Rodriguez just cast Alba in his next film – Spy Kids 4, which is the kind of family-friendly entertainment that will help her career tremendously. She’s going to play “a former spy, the mother of a baby (like Alba in real life) and step-mother to two preteen children. The stepchildren will take over the “Spy Kids” mantle first worn by Alexa Vega and Daryl Sabara. In the previous installments, the parents, played by Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino, were supporting characters. If that’s the case, Alba might be the most or second most, depending on who signs on to play her husband in the film, credit, but be off-screen for long periods of time.” Good for her. And I mean that.

You can see better upskirt photos by clicking on the thumbnails!

Jessica Alba on August 26, 2010. Credit: Fame.

Jessica Alba is the cover girl for the September issue of Cosmopolitan. Is anyone else laughing their ass off that the absolutely BRILLIANT editor stuck “Untamed Va-jay-jays” on Alba’s vadge? The placement of that headline makes me think that Alba will be talking about her untamed vadge, but alas, it’s not to be. So far, Cosmo hasn’t released their story, but Alba did give a nice interview to The Telegraph. It’s a long piece, so if you want the complete interview, go here. Here are some highlights:

Alba on marriage: “Marriage is tough,” admits the actor, who secretly tied the knot with film producer Cash Warren in 2008. “Everyone goes in with the best intentions. But you have to adjust and be sensitive to somebody else’s needs, and that’s quite hard for some people. Most people just want to be selfish and do what’s right for them, but marriage kind of flips all of that. It shakes you up a bit because, all of a sudden, you have to coexist with somebody. It’s hard work.”

On Cash Warren: “When I first met him, I felt like I’d known him my whole life. He felt like family. And my parents are a pretty good example of showing me it could work. They got together when they were 16 and 17 years old and are still happily married. So, with that kind of example, it seemed possible,” she pauses and laughs. “Regardless of the statistics.”

On getting married before the baby was born: “It’s not something I take lightly,” she explains. “I’m quite traditional in that sense.”

On the secret elopement: “Our wedding was about us and our commitment to each other. It was something we just wanted to do with each other.”

On fame and freedom: “We have a totally different freedom in France,” she muses. “In LA, it’s hard to get around without being followed [by the paparazzi] all the time. It makes you a bit paranoid. There’s nothing I can do about it, though. I don’t want Honor to be weird and grow up in a bizarre bubble where she doesn’t see people. I don’t want her to see people doing things for her mum all the time, because that’s not who I am. I don’t hire people to do my grocery shopping or my day-to-day stuff. I want her life to be as normal as possible.”

Fighting hard for her career: “I come from nothing,” she explains, with a hint of defiance. “No one in my family is in this business, so there was no nepotism. I got to where I am by putting my nose to the ground and doing the best I could. People told me I should be concerned about my career when I decided to take a year off to have a baby. But my gut instinct is that any life experience makes you a better actor. Without it, I wouldn’t understand a lot of the women I play.”

Losing the baby weight: “Taking if off sucked,” she laughs. “You don’t think about it when you’re gaining it. I didn’t care. I just wanted her to be healthy, so all I did was eat and sleep, and subsequently gained a lot of weight. I was like a jolly person with a big tummy, a big bootie and big boobies. Then an opportunity came up to shoot an advertisement and make some money – I hadn’t worked for a year. And I thought, OK, if nothing else, it will motivate me to lose the baby weight. I shot the ad about three-and-a-half months after I had her, and I really had to bust my ass. I managed to lose about 15 kilos in a pretty short period of time. Then it took me until she was about a year-and-a-half before I lost the next 10 kilos.”

On her daughter: “Nothing is of any importance now but her and her well-being,” she says. “My whole life revolves around her. I’ve done four movies [since her birth], but I’ve only worked a few days on most of them. She’s my number-one priority. “There was nothing else but my career before. I was completely defined by it. Now I have my family, which is more fulfilling. I’ve always wanted a big family.”

On her career highs and disappointments: “There was a lot of success and it was wonderful,” she says, stifling another yawn, “but that’s not why I started acting. I went to my agent and said, ‘I don’t want to work just for the hell of it. I love what I do for a living and if I’m going to continue being an actor, I don’t just want to be slotted into any movie and do something that isn’t going to challenge me. I want to work with great film-makers.’ So that’s what I set out to do this year.”

On doing nudity: “I don’t think sexuality and nudity is anything anybody should be ashamed of,” she muses. “In my private life, I’m free and liberal about it. But I feel that, in the US, nudity is not looked at the same way. I lived in Australia for two years and there you see women who are topless and it’s no big deal. Men don’t disrespect women because they can see their breasts. But, in my country, it’s just so different, I’m just sensitive to that.”

On making those “Sexiest” lists: “I don’t really care that much,” she says firmly. “I just enjoy what I do. It’s not about trying to prove anything. I grew up in Southern California, and there are plenty of girls there who are 10,000 times better-looking than I am. If I get dressed up and have someone do my hair and make-up, then I clean up pretty well,” she continues. “But I’m not walking around thinking I’m this great-looking person.”

[From The Daily Telegraph]

On one side, I think she’s realistic and honest and almost interesting. On the other side – well, she’s a lot like that other Jessica who thinks she’s the second coming of Meryl Streep, Jessica Biel. I feel like both Alba and Biel have fallen into the trap where they think they’re great actresses in need of great material, and I just think someone needs to tell them that the material isn’t coming. People (men) liked Biel and Alba because they looked great semi-naked, and they’re both pretty girls in general. But they both puff themselves up like they’ve already proven themselves as wonderful actresses, when that’s just not the case.

Here are some photos of Jessica Alba talking her way out of a ticket yesterday:

Cover courtesy of Cosmo online.

I know, he looks like hell. But he’s not an actor anymore, you know. He’s a musician of a band I can even remember. Mm… 30 Seconds from Mars. And he’s also something of a trendy fashionista, thus his appearance at the big Dior show yesterday, which drew the likes of Anna Wintour and Blake Lively and Jessica Alba – Alba and Leto were actually sitting beside each other:

Ha! As for the blonde Mohawk – eh. Blonde’s not his color, but I understand what he’s doing. He’s so terribly afraid of being seen as a pretty-boy, as Jordan Catalano Forever. I do love the Inspector Gadget trench, though.

Jessica Alba looks so pretty, doesn’t she? She’s very happy to be at an event where she doesn’t have to pretend to talk about her work. She can just sit there and look at pretty clothes and crack jokes with her honorary gay best friend, who is Jared Leto:

Bad news though – Blake Lively was sitting next to Anna Wintour at the show. You know what that means. Blake will be getting another Vogue cover within a year. Blake has been blessed. She has been deemed worthy. Not like Kristen Stewart. By the way, I think Blake’s original nose is growing back?

Photos from the Dior show in Paris on July 5, 2010. Credit: Fame.

Here are some photos of Jessica Alba at the not-so-big French premiere for The Killer Inside Me. The lead of the film, Casey Affleck was not there. Neither was Kate Hudson, who also costars. I guess they had better things to do. And I guess Jessica didn’t? Anyway, the dress. At first I kind of liked it – the neckline is modern, and I thought the whole dress would be structured. Not so much. It looks like the designer had two interesting ideas and jammed them into one dress. Not hideous, but not great either. And the shoes are all kinds of wrong. There’s just too much going on between the wedge heel and the straps, et cetera. This is like a textbook example of how to f-ck up a simple appearance in a little black dress.

Anyway, did you know that Jessica Alba joined the cast for the third installment of the ‘Meet the Parents’ trilogy? She’s in Little Fockers! I had no idea. It doesn’t look like it was any kind of big part either:

I’m ashamed for giggling at the thought of Robert DeNiro taking boner pills. Bad, bad, bad. Oh, well. Families will like it, I guess.

Jessica on June 24, 2010. Credit: ANG/Fame.

Huffington Post and Fashion Foie Gras are calling Jessica Alba’s photo shoot for June’s Elle Korea her “best editorial ever”. Really? Sure, it beats many of her magazine appearances as of late, but Alba still looks bored and boring. She and Megan Fox are very similar that way, in my opinion. They are both horrible models, and are rarely interesting photographic subjects. Megan is dull because that’s her personality - she only has two modes, “sexy” or “corpsey”. Alba, on the other hand, usually looks like she’s about to cry or bitch someone out. Generally, she’s looks miserable, perhaps because of her “natural bitchface”.

I do like her in the McQueen (in the header photo). But I don’t want to buy anything she wears just because she always looks so sad and dejected in whatever she’s got on.

Photos courtesy of Fashion Foie Gras.

This is the cover for the June issue of Britain’s Tatler magazine. Now, I love this photo of Jessica Alba. The green pops, and she looks flawless and beautiful and surprisingly, not like she‘s being tortured. But I have to quibble with the cover line: “Jessica Alba takes on Angelina to become Hollywood’s hottest heroine”. Really? I mean, seriously? Even though I hate it, I understand when Megan Fox gets the “new Angelina” comparisons because, hey, Megan has spent a lot of time, effort, and money trying to become the new Angelina. But Jessica?

I think perhaps the mag is drawing the comparison because of Jessica’s new film, The Killer Inside Me, which is directed by Michael Winterbottom, who directed Angelina in A Mighty Heart? But if we’re just going by who directed Angelina, I suppose Matt Damon is “the new Angelina” because he’s being directed by Clint Eastwood? Ugh. Anyway, regarding The Killer Inside Me, Jessica tells the magazine that she hated doing such a violent film:

Actress Jessica Alba has spoken of the anguish of playing a prostitute murdered by a serial killer. The 29-year-old described filming the brutal scenes with co-star Casey Affleck for The Killer Inside Me and said: ‘It was horrible when he was doing that stuff.’

She defended director Michael Winterbottom, who has been heavily criticised for the film’s graphic violence.

She told Tatler magazine: ‘It’s difficult material to tackle.’

The film tells the story of a small-town sheriff who becomes a psychotic killer. Scenes were so violent Jessica needed extensive make-up to disfigure her face. She said: ‘It was eight hours of make-up throughout the day. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t lie down, I couldn’t see out.’

[From The Daily Mail]

Jessica also talked babies and adoption in Tatler, which also could be shades of Angelina? I’m still struggling to figure this out. Anyway, Jessica says that getting pregnant again is something she’s considering: “Of course! And I feel like I should do it soon. You bring these kids into the world, so you might as well participate.” Jessica also tells the magazine that she and Cash want “three or four” kids and that “My mom grew up around a huge family, and they always wanted more kids, and I was like, ‘Why don’t you just adopt?’ I’m totally inspired. If you have the love, and the capacity to love children, you should just adopt. And I plan on doing it.” Well, good for her. I think she enjoys being a mother, and if she wants to adopt, God bless.

Tatler cover courtesy of The Fashion Spot. Additional pic courtesy of The Daily Mail.