If you have children, you were probably subjected to Nickelodeon’s 25th Annual Kid’s Choice Awards ceremony on Saturday night. You have my sincerest condolences. I, too, had to watch, and it was often eyeroll-inducing: lame banter between celebrity presenters; boring and unfunny “behind the scenes” skits; stupid slime stunts that dragged out the show even longer and wayyyy too much Disney product, in the form of Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. Miley Cyrus won favorite female television star and favorite female musical artist, much to my daughter’s delight.

There were a few bright spots in the broadcast, including host Jack Black’s over-the-top opening musical number, in which he wore a bright green superhero costume and rocked out with a giant octopus playing guitar to the Kiss song “I Was Made for Loving You,” with the lyrics changed to “I Was Made for Sliming You.” (In my opinion, Black was the only funny, high-energy part of the show and should have been allowed to riff and get crazy even more.) The theme of each Kids’ Choice Awards, you see, is that celebs and kids in the audience get buckets of green slime poured on their heads at random moments. Slimed celebs included Harrison Ford, who recreated a famous scene from “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” which concluded with him being covered in green slime. Other mildly amusing segments included a celebrity belching contest that featured Jodie Foster attempting to burp along to the song “YMCA.”

All in all, the show had the same problems as most other awards shows: it went on too long, there was too much unfunny dialog, and the host didn’t get enough chances to do what he does best. But if you are at all interested in the winners, here they are.

Favorite TV Show: Drake and Josh
Favorite Reality Show: American Idol
Favorite TV Actor: Drake Bell (from Drake and Josh)
Favorite TV Actress: Miley Cyrus
Favorite Cartoon: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Favorite Movie: Alvin and the Chipmunks
Favorite Movie Actor: Johnny Depp
Favorite Movie Actress: Jessica Alba
Favorite Animated Movie: Ratatouille
Favorite Animated Voice: Eddie Murphy (Shrek The Third)
Favorite Music Group: The Jonas Brothers
Favorite Song: “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne
Favorite Female Singer: Miley Cyrus
Favorite Male Singer: Chris Brown
Favorite Male Athlete: Tony Hawk
Favorite Female Athlete: Danica Patrick
Favorite Book: Harry Potter Series
Favorite Video Game: Madden NFL 2008
Wannabe Award: Cameron Diaz

If anything, the Kids’ Choice Awards gives parents a glimpse into the music, movies, and other pop culture their kids like– which should scare the crap out of you. I know I had a hard time sleeping knowing that the youth of America wants to be just like Cameron Diaz.

A pregnant Jessica Alba appears in a new music video for her boyfriend Cash Warren’s social networking site, IBeatYou.com. The video features different site members and employees lip syncing to the Panic At The Disco song “Back to the Streets,” and it’s both entertaining and clever.

When I saw the video I was pretty skeptical about whether the site would be any good, but it’s like the Facebook applications meets YouTube and it seems to be both a good concept and a fun website. I haven’t seen anything like it yet. Facebook has interactivity, but it’s limited because it’s hard to tell which applications are worthwhile and you have to add them and they send all those spam invites to your friends. With IBeatYou you can compete with other users on contests that you make up, using your own ideas, photos, and videos you upload. It’s mostly flash-based and seems easy to use. It’s hard to run a successful web-based business but I bet this will take off.

Alba posted this message on her myspace telling people to check out the site:

The statement reads, “Hey guys! Hope everyone had a great Easter. It’s hot here in socal (South California). Being preggers in this heat takes everything to another level.

“We shot a quirky group lip dub music video for ibeatyou. Check it out!! We invited a bunch of users from the site and put this together last Saturday. Be well guys and check out our music video…hope you get a good laugh.”

[WENN via Hollywood.tv]

Alba has been looking grumpy when she’s been photographed out lately, but the paparazzi really bug her so you can hardly blame her. She was a good sport to appear in the video and it looks like her boyfriend’s business might be a success. She at least brought a lot of attention to it and helped him out by appearing in their video, which is currently entered in the “Best Group Lip Dub” contest on the site.

Alba is shown with Cash at a surprise birthday party for basketball player Baron Davis on 3/22/08, thanks to WENN. Davis is Cash’s partner in IBeatYou.

Here’s a quick update on currently pregnant celebrities.

Halle Berry is due any second! I think she is going to have the cutest baby with her model boyfriend Gabriel Aubrey, but will she sell the pictures?

Jamie Lynn Spears – some sources are saying she is due very, very soon, but just doesn’t seem to have a big enough bump to be close to popping. Must be those 16 year old abs of steel.

Cate Blanchett is expecting her third with husband Andrew Upton, and I’m hoping for a girl because she already has two boys. Girls clothes are so much cuter.

Nicole Kidman is still pregnant, definitely not drinking alcohol, and is due around June where the baby will be born in Australia.

Are Brangelina having twins? What’s the due date? These two haven’t confirmed or denied reports, but it’s all too obvious they’re having a fifth and maybe a sixth.

Jessica Alba is still flying to promote her film, so she must have quite a few weeks to go. She has declined to confirm a due date.

Matthew McConaughey is expecting a boy with model Camila, and he wants him to like beer. Enough to name the boy after Budweiser. He probably won’t wear a shirt either.

Gwen Stefani is expecting her next child with hubby Gavin Rossdale, and had a great time practicing baby making.

These babies will start popping out (if only it was that easy) in September

Kimora Lee Simmons just announced her pregnancy. A little sibling for her older children from her previous relationship, Ming and Aoki.

Alessandra Ambrosio has also just announced on her official blog that she is expecting, saying “This is a dream come true.”

Matt Damon and his wife Luciana, who have nine year old Alexia from her previous relationship, and Isabella, 20 months, are expecting another.

Lisa-Marie Presley confirmed her pregnancy this week, but don’t you dare suggest she’s carrying some pregnancy weight, you pack of coyotes.

Hopefully the celebrity weeklies have their checkbooks ready, these new additions are going to cost a fortune.

Picture note by Celebitchy: stock photos from Morguefile users Prisonbreak and © P. Winberg. Header image thanks to PRPhotos.

The Daily Mail had these humorous photos of Justin Timberlake in the upcoming comedy The Love Guru, which stars Mike Myers and also features Jessica Alba and Romany Malco. Myers plays a goofy Indian spiritual guru while Timberlake is an athlete who tries too hard to be sexy. Here’s the plot synopsis:

Pitka (Meyers) an American raised outside of his country by gurus, returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business. His first challenge: To settle the romantic troubles and subsequent professional skid of a star hockey player (Malco) whose wife left him for a rival athlete (Timberlake).

[From IMDB]

There are rumors that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are on the rocks because they don’t have time to see each other with their busy careers. For now it sounds like speculation as the story I read about it wasn’t well sourced. Timberlake was also recently spotted out having lunch with Kate Hudson, but it’s possible they’re just friends.

Here’s the trailer for The Love Guru. It was co-written by Mike Myers and directed by Marco Schnabel. It looks a lot like Austin Powers, which was also written by Myers and directed by Schnabel. I never thought those films were particularly funny, but a lot of people love Austin Powers, and this will probably be a hit.

The Love Guru is out in the US on June 20.

Jessica Alba has a new movie out which is scary, so she has to share a scary story on her press junket. Normally these are kind of lame, but this one actually is truly scary.

Alba, 26, recalled: “I had no idea what it was. I felt this pressure and I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t do anything.

“Something definitely took the covers off me and I definitely couldn’t get off the bed, and then, once I did, I screamed, ran to my parents’ room and I don’t think I spent many nights in that house ever again!

“There was definitely something in my parents’ old house – I don’t know what it was. I can’t really explain it. But they got it blessed and they burned sage and stuff since then.”

Sydney Morning Herald

Burning sage protects from ghosts? What?

I think everyone on earth has a ghost story to share, because we all think we feel or see something in the night at least once. Of course, the protection you normally seek out when too old to run to your parents room (is 17 too old?) is to hide under the covers. Which is ridiculous – how is a sheet going to stop a ghost when they are known to able to pass through walls? Or an axe murderer with an, er, axe? Yeah, that sheet just stops you from seeing what is going to get you. Good night, sleep tight readers…

Jessica also says that pregnancy is playing havoc with her hormones. My father-in-law likes to point out about every other week that if you weren’t pregnant all those hormones in your system would kill you. I have no idea if it’s true, but I kind of believe it.

“I think I threw him (boyfriend Cash Warren) out of the house twice already since I’ve been pregnant. He’s like, ‘Are you just pregnant? I hope you’re just pregnant and acting crazy,’ and I’m like, ‘It has nothing to do with that,’” the ‘Fantastic Four’ actress says.

“Little things make me so mad. He calls five minutes later than he said he was going to. You get so emotional when you’re pregnant, and so irrational. It’s totally dumb.”

AHN

You know, Jessica seems to be putting a lot down to hormones, could it be possible that her relationship isn’t as sunny as she pretends. After all, she and Cash did break up just before her pregnancy, and I don’t hear him blabbing to all who will listen about his pregnancy joy and how great her new boobs are. Also, don’t kick him out to often – living with a rampaging crazy pregnant woman might just be enough to make him not want to come back.

Jessica had a baby shower, hosted by Tyra Banks on her talk show. If she’s not careful we’re all going to be tired of this pregnancy before she has a chance to sell the baby photos.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Jessica Alba and Cash Warren are shown at the premiere of The Eye on 1/31/08, thanks to PRPhotos.

Jessica Alba has a new horror film out called The Eye in which she plays a blind violinist who receives an eye transplant that gives her creepy otherworldly visions. It’s a remake of a film from Hong Kong called Jian Gui. Alba has being doing press for the film and talking about her pregnancy. She’s been widely quoted as saying that she loves her pregnancy boobs, but sounds like she’s having some identity issues with her formerly-slim body growing to accommodate a baby. She said in an earlier interview that she’s sensibly trying not to gain too much weight too fast, but that pregnancy was like a “shock to the system.” When asked by iF Magazine if she felt sexier she said “Well right now I just feel like… like a pregnant lady.”

Like the recent interview with Sheryl Crow that we just mentioned, Jessica Alba also talks about the scourge of paparazzi who follow her ariybd and said that she finds it baffling because she doesn’t do anything all that interesting. She says she’s going to raise her baby in LA because her family is there, but that she wishes the US was like England and had laws to protect children’s faces from being published:

iF: Are you concerned by the paparazzi and having a baby?

ALBA: The thing is, I think it’s in England where you can’t show the kids faces and that is right because they’re not in the public eye and I think if they could do that here it would be wonderful. When I started acting it wasn’t this bad. It’s bizarre and it seems like anybody can buy a camera and call themselves a paparazzi and stalk people for a living. It’s really strange. I’m not doing any interesting or salacious. I’m going to the gym because it’s good for me and the baby and going to the grocery store because we need food in the house and it’s really not that interesting. I’m not trying to be out there in that way.

iF: It looks dangerous

ALBA: Yeah, they cut me off. I’ve had to call the police a few times when I’ve been scared. They go in front of the lights and cut me off so they can stay with me but what if they’re running a red light when someone doesn’t see them? They just don’t care. It’s too bad.

iF: Do you ever think about moving away from LA?

ALBA: I have but my family is here. All my family is here and I think it’s more important that the kid grows up with family around and not be isolated from the world because of idiots.

[From iF Magazine]

Alba doesn’t strike me as the brightest bulb in the bunch, but she seems relatively low-key and she handles herself well. The paparazzi are increasingly crossing the line with celebrities and maybe Britney’s hospitalization will help bring about the impetus for new legislation that protects people from harassment by photographers. I like to see the photos of the celebrities’ kids, they’re cute, but whether we get to see them or not should be at their parents’ discretion and it is a good idea to consider laws in the US to protect children.

Alba half admitted on David Letterman this week that she knows the sex of her baby, but wouldn’t reveal it. She said “I might know, but I’m not saying anything.” She is thought to be having a boy based on purchases she recently made at Petit Tresor.

The Eye is out in the US today, and it looks really scary. Here’s the trailer:

Here are photos from the premiere, thanks to PRPhotos.

I, like many others, approached childbirth with what might be described as trepidation. Or terror. Jessica Alba has a wonderful birth plan, one that I wish I had followed myself – worry about the part that comes after.

This is wonderful advice for new moms – worry about actually parenting your offspring for 20+ years, and less about the few hours of labor.

Except Jessica Alba is actually worried about breastfeeding.

“It’s quite a blessing and perfect timing,” the glowing star told “Extra” at a junket for her new thriller, “The Eye.”

The only thing that takes some getting used to?

“Definitely a lot more emotions!” she confessed. “Anything could make me incredibly angry or break down crying, and that’s not something I’m used to.”

She also admitted that she’s already dreaming about baby.

“It had to do with breastfeeding, which is the only thing I’m paranoid about, more than giving birth,” she revealed, adding that she’s trying not to gain too much weight during the pregnancy.

“I try and eat healthy as possible, good for baby, exercise, as long as i don’t’ gain too much to fast, that’s the key,” she said.

Extra

Jessica doesn’t go into details about her dreams, but I’m guessing the baby might have teeth. Or she’s nervy about losing that perfect figure. Or just the oddness of having a little person attached to your breast. Yes, it’s natural, but it is also a little odd.

As far as Jessica’s fitness level goes, all I’ve seen lately is her going in and out of the gym. Preggi Bellies yoga? I’m sure she’s being careful, and she looks great. I think pregnant women the world over may hate her.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Jessica Alba is shown at LAX and at the Sundance film festival on 1/19 and 1/21/08, thanks to Splash News.

Recently knocked-up Jessica Alba may be engaged. I’m allowed to say “knocked-up” because it was a movie and is now part of the lexicon, and is no longer disrespectful. Right? Okay let’s go with that. Though Alba loudly proclaimed that she wasn’t getting married anytime soon (Us Weekly reported, “She doesn’t want to be pregnant in a dress!”) it appears she’s at least gotten engaged. Photos were taken of Alba driving in her car with a very large engagement ring on her left hand.

Mom-to-be Jessica Alba was seen leaving the gym earlier today with what seemed like a huge rock on her finger.

Could her beau Cash Warren have proposed over the Christmas holiday? That rock is wayyyy too big to be a gym ring, and she wouldn’t be wearing it unless it was a new engagement ring right?

The couple had initially broken up over the summer because Alba reportedly wanted to get married and Cash wasn’t ready. Three months later, they’re back on and there’s a baby in the oven.

Alba has said that she doesn’t want to be pregnant in a wedding dress so don’t wait for a shotgun wedding, but it looks like Cash is going to make an honest woman out of Alba after all.

[From Hollyscoop]

If Jessica and Cash are engaged, I will point out that she’s also making an “honest” man out of him as well, since they’re both going to be parents soon. The couple has been dating since they met in 2004 on the set of “Fantastic Four,” where Cash was a director’s assistant. They broke up briefly this summer, reportedly because Jessica wanted to get married and Cash wasn’t ready. I don’t want to be totally obnoxious, but Cash Warren could do a lot worse than Jessica Alba. Have you seen her butt? I would give both my eyes and at least one leg for that butt. Granted it wouldn’t be nearly as sexy strapped to one leg, but I think I could make it work. If they are indeed engaged and Jessica isn’t just pulling a Britney Spears/Lindsay Lohan by wearing a huge ring on her left hand, congrats to them both!

Picture note by Jaybird: Header image of Jessica Alba leaving the gym yesterday wearing what appears to be a very large engagement ring. Images thanks to WENN.

Update: Alba’s rep confirms that she is engaged to Warren.

Jessica Alba recently announced that she is pregnant with her boyfriend Cash Warren’s child, with her rep confirming that the baby is due is late spring/early summer. There was no story of a possible wedding or even rumors of an engagement, but one of Alba’s colleagues may have accidentally let the news slip. Her Fantastic Four costar Doug Jones had this to say about Alba’s pregnancy: “Jessica and her fiance are wonderful, and they’re going to make the most beautiful babies ever.”

Was it just a mistake or does Jones know something the public doesn’t? It sounds like the type of thing that could be an innocent error and pregnant Jessica might not be planning a wedding.

SFGate also reports that Alba has already declined three offers from magazines to pose in the “nude” while heavily pregnant with her hands and props strategically placed for modesty. Demi Moore, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera are among the celebrities who graced us with semi-nude glamor shots while pregnant, and Alba isn’t eager to join that camp. Maybe she’ll reconsider once she’s further along.

Alba has been keeping healthy during her early pregnancy. She hit the gym yesterday and the day before. She was also photographed out shopping for the holiday yesterday on Rodeo Drive.

Thanks to Splash News for the header image of Jessica outside the gym on Thursday. Her tummy is sort-of visible, but it looks more like the dress is billowing out.

Uma Thurman is already a mother of two from her previous marriage to Ethan Hawke, and her boyfriend of a few months Arki Busson has two children with model Elle Macpherson, but are they planning on expanding their brood together?

Entertainment Wise points out that an otherwise fabulously toned Uma was sporting a little pot belly at the annual Nobel Concert in Norweay, which she hosted.

The dress kind of looks like it’s bunched up around the middle, like maybe when it was first purchased it fit better?

Uma recently admitted that her ex-husband was right, she couldn’t commit to both her career and motherhood.

“(Hawke) claimed I couldn’t be a full-time mother and actress. I insisted I could. But I couldn’t. I really try to give all of myself,” Contactmusic quoted her, as saying.

“I wouldn’t even read a script that wasn’t shooting in New York because I needed to be home.

“It’s a very difficult balance. I’ve thought about quitting but I love it too much, and now I’m a single mother so I can’t quit,” she added.

WebIndia

Uma and Arki were rumoured to be engaged in October, but her rep denied the reports.

Is Uma Thurman pregnant? I hope so, becasue there’s nothing worse then being told you look like you’ve got a pot belly.

Note by Celebitchy: It does look like a pregnancy bump to me. Uma is 37 and her boyfriend Arpad Busson is 44. Thanks to WENN for these pictures, also featuring Kevin Spacey at the The Nobel Peace Prize Concert in Oslo, Norway on 12/11/07.