Here are the photos from last night’s Cannes premiere of Inside Llewyn Davis, the Coen Brothers’ new film about folk music (sort of). I had forgotten that this film was getting a Cannes premiere, and I bet it was extremely well-received – Cannes loves the Coens. The film stars Carey Mulligan, Justin Timberlake, John Goodman, Garrett Hedlund and the star is Oscar Isaac (as Llewyn Davis). So, obviously, the REAL star is Justin Timberlake. And by that I mean that the real star of the red carpet is JT’s wife Jessica Biel. This is what Biel wore to her first Cannes Film Festival red carpet as Justin’s wife. She wore a terrible Marchesa dress that looks like a swan went through a car wash. I almost feel sympathy for Jessica because of this terrible dress. But then I remember… she had her choice of frocks. She actually wanted to wear this. WHY?! Something nice: I’m glad that we’re no longer staring at those terrible bangs.

Here’s Carey Mulligan in Vionnet (that’s Oscar Isaac beside her). I don’t hate this, and I don’t love it either. It’s like a deconstructed sack dress, right? Totally shapeless. And weird.

Justin Timberlake with Carey… he didn’t walk the carpet with his wife. Because OMG, are we still doing this?! The jig is up. We know you’re married. We saw your stupid People Mag cover for your wedding. Just walk the carpet together. I will give Justin credit for one thing though – his tuxedo is beautiful. He’s one of the most best-dressed men at Cannes.

Kirsten Dunst was there to support her man too. Garrett Hedlund and Kiki didn’t walk the carpet together either, but I’m not as mad at them because they actually do seem to keep their relationship undercover for the most part. Kiki wore Michael van der Ham Fall 2013 and it’s very fug and old-ladyish.

Bonus Christoph Waltz! He’s on the jury this year, that’s why he’s there. I like his frames!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Here are some photos of Justin Timberlake and Mrs. Timberlake earlier this month which I never got around to publishing. They’ve been doing more stuff together since they got married last fall. And by that I mean that JT is more open to having Jessica Biel as his official “plus-one” for all of his events, which is good news for her, I guess. Surprisingly enough, I haven’t given that much thought to JT and Mrs. Timberlake since they got married. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t drama with them – I think they’re just trying to tighten it up a little bit, especially since Justin has to promote his album and he doesn’t want anything getting in the way of his new image of a loving husband (eye-roll). But how is Jessica “getting hers”? What does she get out of this marriage? Perhaps she’s getting the same thing Katie Holmes got when she was married to Tom Cruise – a no-limit credit card!

Since saying ‘I Do’ to Justin Timberlake, self-proclaimed sporty girl Jessica Biel has morphed into a fashionista with very expensive taste – all on Justin’s dime! Jessica has been spending $20,000 per week on designer shoes and bags from Bergdorf Goodman and Barneys NY.

“She can’t resist anything from Chanel, Prada or Valentino,” says a source, noting that Jess’s closet was so overstuffed, she had to rent a storage unit to house her new goodies!

“Justin can afford it, but he’s still a little taken aback by how voraciously she’s spending.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

For what it’s worth, Gossip Cop has an unnamed source who claims that Jessica is not a “frivolous spender” and that this report is “ridiculous.” I don’t doubt that Jessica has her own money and that she spends her own money on her clothes and such. It would surprise me if Jessica and Justin combined their assets at all or if Justin even put his wife on any kind of budget. I just don’t think they have that kind of relationship or marriage. That being said, Jessica has been trying to remake herself into some kind of major “Fashion Girl” for years now, and I do think that Justin views his wife as his model/muse and she has to represent his vision for how women should dress. When you look at it that way… yeah, Justin could be financing her new married-woman wardrobe. But he wouldn’t let her go shopping by herself. Please! He would go and pick out all of the clothes he wanted her to wear now.

Speaking of Justin’s “vision” as a designer/stylist/bon vivant/jack of all trades, did you hear the rumor that he’s quietly pulling out of his label, William Rast? He and his BFF Trace Ayala started the label in 2005 and while JT is still barely involved, sources claim he’s “all but abandoned” the line and “by the end of the year, he won’t be [involved] anymore.” The label has had a sharp decline in sales over the past few years and one source told Page Six, “Not a lot of retailers wanted it… Because the perception is [Justin’s] not involved, so why would anyone want to wear it?” Wait… you mean… Justin Timberlake does NOT have a Midas Touch? You mean that every single thing Justin does isn’t successful?!!? MIND BLOWN.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

SUCCESS! If you’ve been reading our afternoon links for the past few weeks, you know that I’ve been laughing at Justin Timberlake’s “LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME” try-hard. Justin is going back to his successful music career, and good for him, but he’s been trying to get people interested by dropping hints and previews and teasers for weeks, all designed to steal attention away from, say, the Golden Globes and from actually talented actors. Well, he’s finally succeeded! I’m paying attention to poor JT. Hear you go, little buddy.

His new single is “Suit & Tie” – he teased this for WEEKS… and it’s really not that great, right?

So he’s got a new single and he’ll release a music video for it and then a new album soon. And he’s performing at the Grammys two weekends from now. And there will probably be a tour. It’s all about JUSTIN!! JUSTIN!! JUSTIN!! So what about his poor wife? Did you notice that even though Justin got to present at the SAGs, his poor actress wife wasn’t invited? Was that on purpose? Well, Radar says that Justin is doing the “not right now babydoll, I’ve got to work and hustle” thing to poor Jessica Biel:

Jessica Biel will have to wait a little longer before she starts a family with her new husband Justin Timberlake. RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned that the Suit &Tie singer has told Jessica, 30, to put off baby plans this year while he concentrates on resurrecting his music career.

The 31-year-old Social Network actor wants to be able to take time off to enjoy parenthood when it happens, and feels now is NOT the right time to begin that journey, especially since he will soon be performing and touring all over the world.

“Any baby plans Jessica may have had have been put on hold because Justin just wants to work right now,” a source close to the couple tells RadarOnline.com. “They’ve had a long, hard talk about it, and Justin convinced Jessica that they can wait a little, especially since he will be promoting his music all around the world this year. He’s told her he wants to be a hands-on father, and that won’t be possible with everything he’s got on at the moment.

“Jessica is actually in agreement with Justin, she wants him with her every step of the way, so she’s reluctantly agreed now’s not the time to have a baby. She’ll just have to play second fiddle to his music for the time being,” the source said.

As RadarOnline.com previously reported, Timberlake posted Suit & Tie, his first single in 6 years, on his website on January 13.

[From Radar]

Do you think Justin has really told her that they need to wait? Probably. But I have doubts as to whether baby-making was first on Jessica’s agenda too. I think Biel wants a baby to “lock it down” maybe, but Jessica might be “resting” after the exhaustion of everything always being all about Justin. Poor Biel. And poor Justin too – he wants our validation so much. Here you go, JT. Happy?

Justin at the SAGs & and shooting a music video with Jay-Z:

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Jessica Biel covers the January issue of Elle Magazine, and the pictorial is… odd. I can remember when Vogue Magazine would take some lesser-known celebrity women to Paris for Fashion Week and they would pose her in pieces from the new collections, often with some of the hottest designers. It feels like that’s what Elle tried to do with Biel, only it’s Jessica Biel, and it’s not Vogue, and… it just comes across as kind of budget and sad and try-hard. I’m including some of the shots of Biel posed with Giambattista Valli (who made her wedding gown) and Christian Louboutin. Do you think they were disappointed that it was only Jessica Biel? You can see the Elle slideshow here, and here are some highlights from her interview:

On choosing her wedding dress: “I wanted the dress to be very romantic and feminine and a shape that I very rarely wear. I have never been crazy about all-white wedding dresses, for me at least. [Giambattista Valli] had created that same fabric in a fuschia-and-pink combination for a dress in a previous collection, and I asked him if he could create that same pattern in a white combination, and he suggested pink. It was a bit of a leap of faith at the time, but it turned out better than I could have ever imagined. [Putting it on], I felt like I had made the right choice. I felt elegant. And it moved like a dream.”

Honeymooning in Tanzania: “Honeymooning is the best thing about being a newlywed. I wish I could honeymoon forever.”

Biel’s thoughts on marriage: “It means always having someone there to open the pickle jar…to share the ups and downs with, have adventures with. Someone to go swimming naked with. That kind of thing.”

On Justin Timberlake’s domestic side: “He bakes pies. He’s Southern, so he’s got all this influence from his grandma. He does a three-layer pie…and blueberry crunch cake, which is pretty unbelievable. It doesn’t happen all that often, thank God. Otherwise, it would be a big problem.”

On plans for the future: “My goal now is to work with great directors. Small role, big role, medium-size role—it doesn’t matter. I just want to work with someone who’s going to push me to a scary, exciting place that I’ve never been before.”

[From Elle]

“I have never been crazy about all-white wedding dresses…” It’s weird because she wears a lot of white on red carpets. She loves an all-white dress when she’s on a carpet, but suddenly when she’s getting married, Jessica Biel is all about being avant-garde and high-fashion? Sure.

“My goal now is to work with great directors…” Good luck with that. Seriously. Good luck. Because she is not a very good actress at all.

Photos courtesy of Elle Magazine, photos feature Giambattista Valli and Christian Louboutin.

When I first glanced through these photos of the NYC premiere of Playing for Keeps – that awful-looking Gerard Butler/Jessica Biel rom-com – I really disliked Jessica Biel’s everything. But upon closer examination… I’m not a total hater. Jessica is doing something to those tragic bangs for SOME of her red carpets, and while I’m not in love with this current hairstyle, it’s a vast improvement from the shaggy dog crap she’s been sporting off the carpet. You can actually see her face, and… yes, she does have a beautiful face. The girl’s personality is like oatmeal, but her face and body are gorge. As for her dress… she’s wearing Versace. Again, I’m not in love with it, but it’s a great color for her and it’s not offensive. I think it would be better without the belt? Or is that hideous thing built into the dress?

Uma Thurman looks gorgeous. I love a woman in a well-cut pantsuit.

Oh, hello Rodrigo Santoro. I see you, baby. Shaking that ass. Mama like.

Gerard Butler is so gross. I’m actually starting to get embarrassed about my old crush on him. That being said… this is probably the best he’s looked in a while. The hair looks good, his face isn’t bloated and his weight isn’t yo-yoing anymore.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

The only place to go was up! After Jessica Biel’s disastrous, Golden-Girls-esque turn at the NY premiere of Hitchcock, practically anything would be better. So Jessica decided to go for this black Gucci gown at last night’s LA premiere. I don’t hate it. I don’t love it, either, but it’s definitely an improvement. I guess the dress is supposed to look like a stingray? Those ruffles are supposed to position themselves to make a woman look “wider” in the bust and shoulders? Sure. As for Jessica’s styling… I don’t hate it either. I think her hair is too fussy, but I’m glad that it’s up and we’re not being assaulted by her truly awful and unflattering bangs. She’s a pretty girl when she doesn’t stylistically c—kblock herself.

And of course Dame Helen Mirren looked awesome! Her Dolce & Gabbana isn’t my favorite either, but Helen has a stylist who knows what they’re doing, and for my money, she has one of the best bodies in Hollywood. Helen’s “date” was her nephew, Felix Mirren. Isn’t Felix the bomb? Toni Collette looks awesome! I don’t know who she’s wearing – it looks kind of Narciso Rodriguez-esque, but who knows? And Jamie Lee Curtis was also at the LA premiere, to support her late mother Janet Leigh (played by Scarlett Johansson in the film – ScarJo was not at the premiere).

Photos courtesy of WENN.

These are some new photos of Jessica Biel yesterday, outside of the Ed Sullivan Theater. She made an appearance on David Letterman’s show, of course. I don’t really care enough to find the video of Biel’s interview, but I feel comfortable in saying that she was bland, as always. She talked about her wedding and her pre-wedding Swiss spa visit, and I guess she was trying to be scandalous by telling a story, but really she just seems like a bland girl telling a not-at-all-controversial story. The story? She went to a sauna, and she says:

“We’re in the spa, in the sauna and in walked two husky Austrian men…OK, I thought this is a little unusual but we’re in Europe…I didn’t really know what the protocol was. They drop their towels — they are butt naked! Older, husky men — they were naked and I’m in the middle of them!” she said. “I look over and I realize, yes it is confirmed, there are balls on wood! Not just naked, but balls on wood Dave! I was so stunned … I just laid there sandwiched in between these guys…We found out later this is very normal.”

[Via Radar]

Yes. Of course it’s “normal”. It’s normal to get naked in American saunas too, although I think most saunas in America are separated by gender – the girls get naked in one, the boys in another. But I’m sure there are probably some unisex saunas in the US and around the world. Why is she acting like it’s some big deal?

Meanwhile, Jessica continues to promote her small little role in Hitchcock by giving interview after interview. And what’s hilarious is how she keeps on talking about how “private” she and Justin Timberlake are. Because that People Magazine cover never happened, I guess. Biel told Letterman that they planned their wedding like a “covert CIA” mission or something. And then this work of genius:

Actress Vera Miles refused to meet with Jessica Biel as the newlywed researched new film Hitchcock because the veteran wanted no part of the movie. Biel reveals she had to turn to the Psycho star’s grandson for information as she prepared to play Miles in the biopic.

The actress says, “Vera Miles wasn’t interested… Vera is alive and did not want to speak to me because she doesn’t have a public life and is not interested in a public life. I don’t think that was an insult to me but her grandson was available and so I picked his brain for hours. He’s married and was very nice and (a) very respectful guy, and he was very unsure about me at first. He is very protecting of his grandmother, but he was the best historian on her career and who she was at the time of Psycho.”

“Her life is exactly what she wanted. I feel it’s very challenging to have a private life. It’s been very hard for me to have any sort of privacy in life. I get that it’s a balance you have to try and create but it’s very hard.”

[From Contact Music]

Obviously, most people are like “Oh, she wants privacy now? After she and Justin sold their wedding to People Mag?” But I’d also like to point out that Jessica is still “selling” their wedding and everything about it while she promotes Hitchcock. It’s ALL she has to talk about. It’s like she’s promoting being “Mrs. Timberlake” more than her movie.

Other recent Biel quotes… she was talking about potentially working with Justin in the future and she said, “I would [act with him] if it was the right thing… I’m not sure what the right thing is. I think you have to be very careful about working with your partner. But that would be so much fun; I absolutely adore him. I actually would prefer him to direct me in something. I think that would be the way to go.” She was also asked if she would ever consider going back to TV (not the worst idea), and Biel said, “The writing, the possibilities for women on television is just . . . the world is your oyster, pretty much. So yes, I would.” And when Scarlett asked Jessica about her honeymoon (cough – funny because ScarJo and Justin used to bone – cough), Jessica told Scarlett, “It was like magic. It was like heaven. It was the most beautiful thing.”

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

Can you feel it? Can you feel the “one of these things is not like the other” discomfort come upon you? Ordinarily, Scarlett Johansson might be the odd woman out in a group that involved Helen Mirren and Toni Collette. But not when Jessica Biel is also included in the group. Jessica Biel makes ScaJo look like Lee Strasberg, I swear to God. Anyway, these are some photos from last night’s screening/premiere of Hitchcock in NYC. The star of the film – Anthony Hopkins as Alfred Hitchcock – was not in attendance, leaving the spotlight for the ladies (one exception: James D’Arcy!). Let’s get to the fashion, shall we?

Jessica Biel in Oscar de la Renta. DEAR GOD. This is what a retiree in Florida would wear to play Bingo. This is Biel’s first red carpet as a married woman… and this is what she comes up with? I really hope Justin Timberlake did not cosign this look.

Scarlett Johansson in Rodarte, with fug Gucci shoes. I dislike the dress and the shoes. I don’t understand why Scarlett has such problems understanding what flatters her body. Also: Page Six has a little tidbit about ScarJo this morning. Apparently, she was seen having dinner with a “mystery man” last Thursday. He was described as “dark-haired and slightly taller than her but skinny” and “he may have been speaking French at one point.” New (French?) boyfriend?

Helen Mirren is a goddess, but I’m not totally crazy about her gold-and-black ensemble. Everything from the neck up looks great, though.

I generally like Toni Collette’s hair when it’s darker, but this is a solid look for her – I think she enjoys more avant-garde looks, so it’s nice seeing her in a simple, pretty LBD.

James D’Arcy! He plays Anthony Perkins in the film. He’s so beautiful. I love him.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Here are some new photos of Jessica Biel in New York City over the weekend. The photo agency claims that she was going to “business meetings” so God knows – there were several costume changes involved, but we only have access to these grey coat photos. I dislike the coat, by the way. I’m not completely against the idea of a sweat coat or a coat with a sweater-like detail, but my big issue with this coat is the unflattering “shawl” style breast. It looks like an oversized single-breasted blazer and it’s just a bad look. I also think it’s weird to go to a “business meeting” with your hair done up in a baby rooster tail with an elastic band. That does not seem professional in the least.

We haven’t really talked about Justin Timberlake and Jessica Timberlake (ugh!) since their wedding and since that awful homeless video came to light. While Justin “apologized” in an open letter for the homeless video, I get the feeling that JT and Jessica are still on a lot of people’s sh-tlists. So maybe if they volunteer for Hurricane Sandy relief, maybe then people will like them again? That’s what happened over the weekend – Jessica and Justin volunteered in Rockaway, Queens. They passed out knapsacks full of supplies – you can read more about it here.

One last thing – remember last year when Justin and Jessica broke up and she immediately had her publicist try to make something happen with Gerard Butler? It lasted for about a minute and then both Gerard and Jessica moved on. Now Radar claims that Gerry hasn’t gotten over her!

When Gerard Butler’s new movie Playing for Keeps is released nationwide next month, it will be a bittersweet experience for the buff Scottish actor.

That’s because Butler dated his co-star Jessica Biel but now regrets the way he treated her and considers Jessica the “one that got away.” Gerard, 42, was scared off by Jessica wanting something more serious when they filmed the romantic comedy, so he bolted – a decision he now regrets.

“Gerard doesn’t have many regrets but not treating Jessica with the respect she deserved while they dated is one of them,” a source close to the 300 star revealed. “He genuinely believes she was the one that got away. Jessica liked Gerard a lot, she was into his boyish nature, but she wanted something more serious. She was ready to settle down. That’s why after getting close on the set of Playing for Keeps back in 2011, their relationship soon fizzled out.”

Butler is happy for the newly married Biel because he knows that Justin Timberlake was – and is – the love of her life, “but he still thinks he missed out. He just wasn’t man enough to admit the feelings he had for her at the time,” the source divulged.

After her summer fling with Gerard, Jessica rekindled her relationship with Justin, and he popped the question not long after.

They tied the knot in a lavish $6.5M ceremony in southern Italy and gushed about their happiness as newlyweds.

“It’s great to be married, the ceremony was beautiful and it was so special to be surrounded by our family and friends,” Justin and Jessica said in a joint statement.

[From Radar]

I can’t even work up a good conspiracy theory for this one. I really hope that Jessica’s people aren’t putting this out there, because this makes everyone look idiotic. Of course Gerard Butler does NOT consider Jessica “the one that got away.” He’s probably like “Who?” They maybe had a brief fling. And remember, that was back when he was downing painkillers like candy too. His back was probably killing him. And beyond that… Jessica Biel is oatmeal. Does she inspire such strong feelings in anyone?

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

Ugh. Would you like another gross story about this video that may or may not have been shown as a “joke” during Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel’s wedding? We discussed the “joke” video yesterday – the “joke” was that Justin’s friend, a real estate agent named Justin Huchel, went around to homeless people and coached them to say stuff like “I wish I could make it to your wedding” and “my gift is in the mail.” Gawker claimed that the video was totally shown during Justin’s wedding, which says a lot about Justin and who he chooses as friends. Anyway, TMZ managed to get in touch with one of the homeless men who appeared in the video, and he said he was paid $40 to appear and say his pre-written lines. When told what happened to the footage, the man (who was on his way to a job interview) said, “That makes me feel really bad … that was a trick played on me.” Everyone is saying that the lawyers are getting involved, and Gawker is probably going to get sued for posting some of the video… so let me just say this now: Team Gawker.

Meanwhile, don’t you feel bad for Jessica Biel? I feel bad for her. Poor, sad Jessica Biel. Sad Biel couldn’t even have a moment where everyone was looking at her in her pretty pink wedding dress. Sad Biel had to walk down the aisle as Justin Timberlake sang a special song to her, a song called “I Like You More Than Olivia Munn, Sort Of”. Sad Biel was like the third wheel at her own wedding. Sad Biel knows that she really got married to Justin Timberlake… and his enormous f—king tempermental ego. But still, Sad Biel is happy that she finally got him down the aisle. Sad Biel is going to devote her life to being Mrs. Timberlake. Literally:

Newlywed Jessica Biel is ready for all the changes that come with married life – including a new last name.

“Yes, I’m changing my name,” says Biel, 30, who next appears in the film Hitchcock. “My professional name will still be the same, but for life, yes, I think it sounds great. I think I really won the jackpot of names.”

But Biel, who wore a “whimsical” Giambattista Valli Haute Couture gown for her Oct. 19 wedding to Justin Timberlake , is most excited about building a life with her new husband. “It’s hard to find that one person in the world,” says Biel. “Once you find that person, go for it. That kind of commitment is very special.”

The stars’ “fantasy” nuptials capped off a week of celebrating for the duo, who toasted alongside 100 close friends and family on the Southern Italian coast.

[From People]

So, she’ll still be Jessica Biel, Actress. But everywhere else she’ll be Jessica Timberlake. Which is fine. The name-change thing is a decision every woman has to make for herself. Personally, I dislike it when actresses change their professional names when they get married (it messes up their brand in most cases), but if they want to change their personal-life names, so be it. Mrs. Jessica Timberlake… I think I went to elementary school with a Jessica Timberlake. Weird.

Covers courtesy of People Magazine and WHO Mag.