CB and I were just debating Jessica Biel’s hair, and why Biel seems incapable of finding a decent hairstyle. These new photos – from yesterday’s Dublin premiere of Total Recall – are a great example of Jessica’s lack of self-awareness about her styling. CB thinks the problem could be that Jessica simply has an awful hair stylist whom Biel trusts completely for whatever reason, thus bangs trauma and this raggedy mess. My take: Jessica is so convinced of her own beauty, so overconfident in her ability to pull off extremely versatile looks, that it simply doesn’t occur to her that she should just stick with a simple chignon.

Anyway… obviously, I think Biel looks pretty rough here. I even dislike her Zac Posen dress on the red carpet, although Biel did change for the afterparty (into the lacy Dolce & Gabbana cocktail dress in rose-beige). The Posen dress just doesn’t suit her – maybe I would like it more on someone else, I guess. As for Biel’s costars… Kate Beckinsale wore a Donna Karan gown in hot pink. It’s a pretty gown. I’m not sure it’s right for a Dublin premiere, but whatever. And Colin wore a D&G suit. He looks meh to me these days.

Ugh. I still cannot even fathom why an attractive girl would consistently allow herself to be styled so poorly. What is Jessica thinking? Is she getting bad advice? Or is it a matter of insane overconfidence?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Remember when Jessica Biel talked to In Style last month and revealed that her fiance, Justin Timberlake, styles her? She also dropped a lot of Hallmark card wisdom about relationships and maintaining her individuality. It was a somewhat revealing look into how she justifies getting engaged to a guy who cheated on her multiple times (allegedly). In a new interview with Hello! Magazine, Jessica does the same thing. It’s really easy to read into her quotes, and I just came away from it feeling sorry for her. She kind of admits that Justin dumped her, and explains why she still feels ok with her decision to get back with him. Granted I’m reading behind the lines, but tell me that’s not what she’s saying here. (Note that these quotes are similar to what she told In Style and The Chicago Sun Times about her long engagement, but they’re somewhat different and Hello presents them like she told them this in person. She’s probably just repeating her talking points. I’ve been fooled by Hello’s format before, which is why I’m mentioning it.)

On being engaged for a long time
“I enjoy being engaged. It’s kind of an amazing time in anyone’s life, I think. People I know who are already married have told me, ‘Don’t rush this period, because you’ll never have it again.’ And I’ve been trying to listen to that advice.

“When we start actually planning the wedding, I’ll really get focused on it and make the decisions and think about the seating charts and the menus and all those things. But for right now, there’s no stress.

“There’s something very romantic and magical about where we are at the moment. I absolutely believe in a long engagement because I want to enjoy this time for as long as possible.”

On her breakup with Justin last year and getting back with him
“Apparently, I needed to be alone for a while. I think that when you take the time to stand by yourself as an independent person, and you find out that you actually are capable of moving forward alone and being fine on your own, then that is a very empowering feeling to have.

“It gives you a lot of strength and a lot of confidence, too, because it means you know that from that point on, any decision you make is an educated one, not just an emotional one. So you can make your own choice about whether to step back into a relationship or whether to go in a different direction. You feel good about who you are – which can only help.”

On the qualities she looks for in a man
“I don’t know that I am attracted to a particular type of man as such. But I like to be with someone who has a sense of humour and a very playful quality and at the same time is very intense about the things he cares about. I like that dichotomy. Also, someone energetic because I’m very energetic myself and I think I would have a hard time living with a couch potato.

“But it’s really about being with someone who can be a partner to me, whom I feel I can trust and who can be non-judgmental about my choices and support me through the rough times when they come along – as I will him.

“And that’s exciting when you find the person, to think about going through all the ups and downs of life and doing it together.”

On her relationship: “nothing is perfect”
“I think that when you’re a little girl, you have the idea of a knight in shining armour scooping you onto a horse and you ride off into the sunset and everything is perfect.

“Now that I’m more mature, I think I have a better understand that life doesn’t work out like that – that nothing is perfect and everything is going to be hard in some way or another. It’s more a case of pick the person that you an ride the waves with, jump into the boat and go for it.”

On her wedding plans, which are vague
“I haven’t even started to think about that yet.

“I do know that it’s not going to be a great big to-do. This will be a very private moment for us, so we’re going to keep it small and intimate. The people I’d most like us to be like are Emily Blunt and John Krasinski – it seemed like one day they were engaged and the next they were married and nobody had known anything about it. And I did at the time think, ‘Aha! That’s the way to do it.’

“I did hear of one couple who did a really great thing. They invited everybody to a Halloween party at which they were dressed up as a bride and groom. And, of course, everyone turned up in gory costumes with blood everywhere. Then in the middle of the party, suddenly the couple said, ‘Surprise! We’re really getting married!’ And they did, with all their friends wearing Halloween costumes. I thought that was a really great idea. So maybe we’ll steal it.”

[From Hello! Magazine, print edition, August 20, 2012]

Notice that she doesn’t say “We” haven’t thought about our wedding plans, she says “I” haven’t thought about it, which is telling. She also never mentions talking about it with Justin. So she felt strong and confident after Justin broke up with her, and she felt like she made an educated decision to get back with him? That’s her business, and it seems like that’s how she explains it to herself, but she’s not coming across like someone who is deeply in love and committed to getting married. She sounds like someone who is trying to figure out what’s going on with her relationship, who realizes she’s settling on some level, and who is taking time to decide if she should get married or not – which is good news, really. Maybe she’ll realize that she needs to pull the plug before she makes it official. What is it that hack Dr. Phil always says, “the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior“? (I googled it, I shouldn’t have put a question mark there.) It’s not like Justin is suddenly going to be faithful once they get married – IF they get married.

I think I’ve finally figured out why Colin Farrell is no longer making me hot these days. It’s because throughout Colin’s promotional work for Total Recall, he’s just looked so awkward and uncomfortable. Almost like he’s embarrassed to be promoting the film. Which might be the case – Total Recall is a bomb. They’re hoping it makes a lot of money overseas, but it’s still going to be a bomb, most likely. And that is why Colin isn’t hot lately… he’s being forced to promote this POS movie, and he’s embarrassed. And that’s not hot.

Anyway, these are photos from yesterday’s Berlin premiere. I covered the Berlin photo call pics yesterday – in which Jessica Biel looked pretty good, mostly because she figured out a way to push back her hideous bangs. It’s a shame she couldn’t do the same hairstyle for the premiere, right? Jessica’s dress is Elie Saab… it’s nice. It flatters her figure. I wouldn’t mind seeing this dress on the red carpet for an awards show. It feels like overkill for the Berlin premiere, right? Still… not bad. A little boring. Kate Beckinsale (queen of the over-dressers) wore white Naeem Khan. Once again, another overkill gown… but again, I don’t really hate it. I love sleeves on a gown, and I like the design. It seems like a weird choice for a premiere in the middle of August, but… sure. Is Kate giving anyone else Rita Wilson vibes here? No disrespect – I love Rita Wilson. But Kate is really reminding me of Rita here.

Even though I enjoy having new photos of Beckinsale & Biel, I’m kind of over this publicity tour. They seem over it too, right?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Good lord, I’ve never found all of these actors less attractive. That’s the problem with this Total Recall remake – Colin Farrell simply doesn’t have chemistry with Kate Beckinsale or Jessica Biel, and the women don’t have chemistry with each other, and Jessica looks like a wax figure (and she has the personality of a wax figure), and Kate looks like she sauntered out of an old-timey saloon/brothel. They all seem like they were in Berlin to promote completely separate projects, and they just chanced upon each other for a photo shoot. The only thing Kate and Jessica coordinated was footwear – and I really believe that was an accident.

I can’t find the designer IDs on these dresses right now, so let’s just analyze the looks. Is it weird that I hate Kate’s more? Kate’s dress is somewhat flattering, and God knows I love a jewel tone… but the whole ensemble just looks so cheap to me. It’s just a knee-jerk reaction: I dislike it, and I can’t really explain why. As for Biel’s two-piece, a cropped belly shirt and a tiered skirt… it would have looked better as a one-piece. And the skirt is too high to actually make it look sexy or anything. It just looks weird. But I will Jessica extra credit for doing something with her bangs (which Timberlake hates) and going back to a flattering hairstyle. But why does she looks like a robot?!

Last thing: why am I completely “over” Colin Farrell at this point? His haircut really isn’t that awful, he’s in shape, and his jeans look great on him… but I still feel nothing. Is it just a situation where my “Hot Irishman” love/lust has been fulfilled by another? Shouldn’t I have room in my heart (and loins) for both Fassbender and Farrell?!

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

I’ve been hating on Jessica Biel’s bangs for months now. If Jessica was looking for a way for me to repeatedly tell her that she’s pretty – much too pretty for these thick, shaggy-dog bangs – she found the right way. It’s all I can think about whenever I’m writing about her: BANGS. And how awful she looks with bangs, and how pretty her face would be if she grew them out, and how I hope she doesn’t end up a bangs-trauma’d bride. I’ve also repeatedly suggested that Justin ordered her to get bangs because JT basically acts as Jessica’s stylist, and I could see him making a douche move like, “Baby, maybe you should try bangs.” But according to Radar, JT hates them as much as me.

As far as Justin Timberlake is concerned, Jessica Biel is having a bad hair day! The Sexy Back singer is not a fan of the Total Recall star’s new do, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. And Justin has even gone as far to tell Jessica not to think about sporting the choppy bangs for their big day.

“Jessica’s new bangs hairdo isn’t doing it for Justin, he absolutely hates it,” a source revealed. “He prefers it when Jessica has her hair side-parted, with a little bit of wave, or when she has it simply tied back. She’s very conscious of her forehead, which she thinks is a little big, despite Justin’s reassurances that there’s nothing wrong with her. Justin has begged Jessica to change it back to how he likes it because he thinks the bangs look boyish. She’s always asking him to grow his hair a little, Jessica detests it when Justin shaves his head, so he’s had to compromise at times for her.”

“There’s no way he’d be happy if she wore her hair like that for their wedding, and she certainly won’t let him cut his hair short either,” the source revealed.

Jessica told the Chicago Sun-Times on July 30 that she and Justin hadn’t even begun planning their nuptials yet.

“I’m just enjoying being engaged,” she revealed. “I do feel like there is a lot of time and nothing needs to be rushed. But being engaged is just absolutely amazing. You’re in this romantic, ahhhhh, breathless moment that I’m just trying to extend as long as possible.”

As RadarOnline.com previously reported, Jessica isn’t embarrassed to admit that her husband-to-be, has a better sense of style than she does! The 30-year-old actress revealed in the August 2012 InStyle that she isn’t quite as style savvy as her man – and that he even picks out her outfits.

“I’ll be honest: He has better taste than I do,” she admits. “When I walk out of the closet after getting dressed in the morning, I’ll go like this [turns palms upward as if to say, 'Well?']. And he goes like this [shakes head no]. Then he picks again. It’s hilarious.”

[From Radar]

“He prefers it when Jessica has her hair side-parted, with a little bit of wave, or when she has it simply tied back.” That gave me the image of Justin sitting Jessica down and saying, “OK, we’re going to figure this out. I brought ribbons, hair clips, some gel and a comb. Cancel all of your appointments today because we need to figure out what kind of style works best on your face.” There’s an element of Professor Higgins/Pygmalion to this whole situation – as if Justin is treating his fiancée like his own private Barbie doll. While I think Justin is a controlling douche in general… yeah, I agree with him about her bangs. UGH!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Last year, Justin Timberlake broke up with Jessica Biel just before she began work on a film called Playing For Keeps in Louisiana. There were claims that Biel was distraught, but she and her (ig)noble publicist decided to fight the good fight and put Jessica “out there” as a fun, happy free spirit who could attract the attention of her costar Gerard Butler. There were numerous reports in People Mag and Us Weekly, all about how Gerard was all over Jessica and he wanted it so bad and she was playing hard to get. Considering Gerard goes the lowest of the low-hanging fruit (Real Housewives, random chicks in Porta-Potties), some of us had a hard time believing that any woman could make Gerard beg for it. Still, Gerard did end up giving Jessica “a ride” so maybe Biel did get a good Butler-ing. Long story short, if they did have a thing, it was brief, because all of her hustling paid off and Justin took her back.

Why did I go into such a convoluted history? Because the first trailer for Playing for Keeps is out, and Jessica and Gerard are playing exes and they just seem… unsuited for each other:

First thing: Gerard looks really good here. I know he’s sleazy and gross and whatever, but I’m just saying… he looks GOOD here. Good hair, great body, and they let him use his real accent, which is great because Gerard really can’t do any other kind of accent. Do I believe that Gerard and Jessica are convincing “exes” with a small, cutesy child together? No. And that’s on Jessica, really. You can put her in “mom clothes” but she just doesn’t pull it off. I have to admit… even though this film looks like it has every cliché in the book (cutesy children, a wedding, obvious love triangle, etc), Gerard seems okay in it. I wish he would stop making such awful movies, but I could actually see this one becoming a modest hit. Am I back in love with The Butler? No. I’m really over him at this point. But I do wish him well – maybe this film will help him get back on track.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I just felt an unfamiliar pang of pity for Jessica Biel as I was going through these photos. Jessica is in New York now, promoting Total Recall… all by herself. Last night was the NYC premiere, and Jessica was the only headlining star to show up. No Colin Farrell, no Kate Beckinsale, not even John Cho. Just poor Jessica in her sad white, lace dress. She looks like Miss Havisham. This Elie Saab just screams “bridal!” to me… and it’s a sad look. Check out the original runway look with sleeves – wouldn’t that have looked much better on Jessica? It still would have been bridal, but at least it would have looked designer bridal and not David’s Bridal. That doily wrap isn’t helping either. She was aiming for “breezy, summery” and she ended up looking like she was the jilted, forgotten bride at a budget beach wedding.

Jessica is still sticking with her story that she and Justin haven’t even set a date for their wedding, by the way. There were lots of rumors that it would be this summer, very soon, like mid to late August. And the tabloids are keeping the hope alive that it will happen soon, because if not, they might run out of these “Sad Jessica Biel” stories:

Before Jessica Biel becomes Mrs. Justin Timberlake, she’s hitting some snags in planning her bachelorette party. Namely, that she doesn’t have anyone to invite.

“Jessica doesn’t have a lot of girlfriends,” says an insider. “Her plan right now is to fly to Colorado and meet up with a group of her hometown friends.”

Meanwhile, her hubby-to-be is planning a bachelor party that a source reveals is “going to make The Hangover look like Driving Miss Daisy.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Jessica doesn’t have a lot of girlfriends? On one side, I think that claim is BS – she’s friends with Jennifer Garner, and Jessica does charity work with a lot of women from Revlon, plus some other charitable organizations she’s involved with. On the other side… I could totally see how Jessica would end up alienating long-term girlfriends because A) Justin tried to sleep with them, B) Justin actually slept with them, C) Jessica thinks that Justin might sleep with them or D) Jessica talks about Justin too much and her girlfriends are tired of the same neverending conversation.

I’m also including a photo of Jessica in brown and black Giambattista Valli outside The Daily Show yesterday. I’m not a huge fan, but I like it better than the Elie Saab doily.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

Here are some photos from last night’s LA premiere of Total Recall. The ads keep playing during the Olympics and I just think, “Eh.” It’s not that it looks actively bad or anything – I think I would actually enjoy seeing Kate Beckinsale in her role in particular. But I just don’t get why they remade the original when the original is… actually really good. Like, the original Total Recall is one of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s best films, in my opinion. I guess we’re supposed to be jazzed that a “proper actor” like Colin Farrell is in the lead, but from the trailer, it doesn’t even seem like Colin was jazzed with the remake either. Anyway… back to the photos…

Jessica Biel wore this pink Christian Dior. With pockets! And lots of gaudy jewelry. And she fixed her hair a little bit. Look at that… no more bangs trauma! I have to wonder… Biel recently said that she and Justin haven’t set a wedding date yet, and I kind of think Jessica won’t get married until her unfortunate bangs are completely grown out. So, I do like the “side-swept” whatever you want to call it. And her hair looks healthy, and her makeup job looks pretty. Basically, everything from the neck up looks fine. As for the Dior… it’s cute. It’s sweet. The pockets are too oversized, and the cut of the dress is not flattering on Biel’s body. And there’s too much jewelry – I think Biel should have gone without the necklace. Overall, it seems like a “prom” look. And I wonder if Justin styled her.

Kate Beckinsale wore this hideous Armani Prive. Kate loves a long gown for any occasion (it’s her “thing”), but THIS gown? It’s awful. And it’s all about that terrible, cheap-looking print.

Colin Farrell and his sister Claudine. Claudine is pretty, but that’s an awful dress and those are cheap-looking shoes. Colin looks meh. My biscuits are all, “Blah.”

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Honestly, I’ve always thought Jessica Biel is an attractive girl. I never thought she was mind-numbingly gorgeous, and I especially didn’t understand how Biel could get away with claiming that she’s “too pretty” to get the kinds of roles she wants, but you know, she is attractive. But the more attention I give her, the more I’ve noticed something weird: Biel is extremely self-defeating when it comes to her beauty. It’s not just bad choices when it comes to fashion – although that’s pretty awful. It’s her overall style, the choices that she makes with hair, makeup and her general presentment to the public.

These photos from LA photo call for Total Recall are a great case in point. Granted, Biel now has those terrible bangs that are not doing her any favors. But she could still work with the bangs and put together a relatively cute look. Instead, it feels like she just gave up. I mean… a completely beige Oscar de la Renta dress that A) doesn’t do much for her figure and B) is one of her worst colors? Don’t get me wrong – it’s a lovely little dress. Biel just makes it look like a grungy dishrag. And then the hair overall – the choppy bangs with the bad ombre hair AND it looks scraggily and sort of unwashed? And putting red lipstick on top of all of that is just… bad. She COULD look so much better than this. She just chooses not to. Or Justin Timberlake doesn’t know how to style his fiancée, I guess.

Kate Beckinsale looks pretty though – Kate knows how to pull an outfit together, she knows what looks good on her, and she usually errs on the side of looking “too done” and “too pulled together”. Which, as we can see, is definitely better than the “Biel Method” of “trying too hard to look like this mess happened naturally.” Colin Farrell looks… tired. I don’t know what’s going on with him right now, but he just isn’t giving me biscuit-fever these days. And Bryan Cranston looks great!!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I had a total brain-fart when I was going through these new photos of Jessica Biel in LA yesterday. She was photographed out and about in one outfit, and then she added a blazer to go into Jimmy Kimmel’s studio, and then she wore a third outfit for Kimmel’s show. My brain-fart was: “WTF is she even promoting? Her wedding? Her relationship with Justin Timberlake?” But no, Jessica actually has a movie – the Total Recall remake, which comes out… next week? Yes, next week. Honestly, Jessica looks like the weakest link in an already weak film, but who knows? It might make some money. Kate Beckinsale actually looks like she’s doing a pretty good job with her ass-kicking role, but the previews make me worry about Biel AND Colin Farrell. Here’s a clip of Biel on Kimmel – her dress is AWFUL.

Biel has been doing press throughout the week, but she kind of got eclipsed by this Kristen Stewart stuff. Everything has gotten eclipsed by it, except for maybe the stuff with the Jackson family and the Olympics. Biel hasn’t really been saying anything of interest during her junket – she said she enjoyed her “vacation” in Puerto Rico while she was keeping an eye on Justin while he films. She said she wants to start a restaurant, despite the fact that she can’t cook and doesn’t know anything about food. This quote in particular annoyed me: “I would have the bakery component. I say I’m into it, but I’m not a great beaker — yet. Baking is really very mathematical and I’m terrible at math. I’m a really good loaf person. I do loaves — but sweet loaves! — like zucchini loaf or banana loaf or banana blueberry loaf. It’s really good! Please come to my restaurant. It’s going to be called Oh, Fudge.” I hate when women are all, “OMG, MATH IZ HARD.” I mean, really? Is that where we are?

The Enquirer had a slightly interesting story about Biel and her “jealousy” over JT’s ex-girlfriend Cameron Diaz. Allegedly, Biel thinks Camy still wants to get back with JT, and Biel is trying to shut it down because Biel is just so focused on getting Justin down the aisle that she’s willing to overlook EVERY sign that Justin will make a horrible husband.

Dear God… her BANGS. I am filled with loathing for those bangs. She looks so much better without them. I really do think Justin is going to make her be a bangsy bride. Which is so sad, right? And yes, Biel is wearing a “Justin” necklace. Would he ever wear a “Jessica” necklace?

Photos courtesy of WENN and Fame.