Do you know how stupid Joe Simpson is? So stupid. Ridiculously stupid. Even dumber than Jessica. So, Jessica somehow managed to get herself a PBS special for Christmas. They filmed the special a few days ago, and I guess the idea was to have Jessica singing and talking about Jesus and how much she supported the troops. In and of itself, totally harmless and rather nice. But Papa Joe had to f-ck it up. Jessica was supposed to sing with a singing troop composed of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans, but the veterans were sent away by Papa Joe – because he deemed them too “scruffy.” Stupid stupid stupid.

The team behind Jessica Simpson has been accused of snubbing a group of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans after their combat fatigues were deemed too scruffy to join her on stage for a glamorous TV special. The 4Troops, a singing group of combat veterans, were told their camouflage gear was not fancy enough to sing with Simpson on her PBS Christmas special filmed at the Roseland Ballroom on Thursday.

A source told Page Six, “Jessica’s dad, Joe Simpson, effectively kicked them off the show because he didn’t like what they were wearing. They were in camo pants and blazers, the same outfits they wore to sing for Gen. David Petraeus on the USS Intrepid. They were told they couldn’t perform unless they were wearing tuxedos.”

“They waited for six hours until midnight only to be told their number with Jessica had been cut from the show,” the source said. “The irony was Jessica was on stage saying how much she supports and admires the troops, and the veterans were stuck in a room in the basement. Instead of enduring more humiliation, the veterans left.”

4Troops consists of former Sgt. Daniel Jens, who was deployed in Iraq in 2007; former Capt. Meredith Melcher, who also served in Iraq; Staff Sgt. Ron Henry, who retired from the Army after a 20-year career; and former Sgt. David Clemo, who did tours in Afghanistan and Iraq.

A spokeswoman for 4Troops said, “Joe should be ashamed of himself.” Jens said, “I am so disappointed and angry, I threw up when I got back to my room.”

Simpson’s rep said: “The song was cut due to time. Jessica wasn’t even aware. She is wholeheartedly devoted to the troops. She just returned from the Persian Gulf where she performed for and met with service men and women stationed at several different locations. The military was the source of inspiration for her entire Christmas album, so much so that she recorded a duet for the album with a USS Harry Truman sailor.”

[From Page Six]

That’s just horrible. And as much as I’d like to blame Jess for it, it sounds like she was truly out of loop, and that it was Joe’s decision. Although, I will blame Jess for keeping her dad as her manager, despite his history of f-cking awful business decisions on her behalf. He’s a terrible manager, and after the first few f-ckups, you would think Jessica would have fired him and gotten a real manager who would be smart enough to let her sing with veterans, no matter what they looked like.

In additional Jessica news, she gave another loved-up interview to People Magazine, all about how Eric Johnson is her forever dong or whatever:

Jessica Simpson is one busy soul: In the past month, she’s traveled to the Middle East to meet troops, while on Thursday night she performed songs from her upcoming Christmas album for a PBS special to air Thanksgiving. There to support her? Her dad Joe, sister Ashlee, nephew Bronx – and her boyfriend of several months, Eric Johnson.

“He went and got a sweater and a bowtie to try to lift my spirits because I’ve been working extremely hard,” Simpson, 30, told PEOPLE after the show. “I laughed my butt off!”

She added, “As far as Eric and I go, we’re just best friends. He’s my dude! I love him.”

The couple began dating in May, and ever since have been spotted getting cozy across the U.S. and overseas – even celebrating her birthday together in Italy. If the relationship seems like it’s getting serious, that’s because it is. Simpson tells PEOPLE that they’re planning to spend Thanksgiving together.

“We’re all gonna be in New York,” she says. “I’m gonna be on a [Macy's parade] float. It’s not always the best way to spend a Thanksgiving, but it’s a great way to celebrate. So, maybe I’ll just have all families on the float.”

For now, Simpson says she and her man are simply enjoying spending time together.

“Tomorrow we’re having a long day off,” she says. “He loves art. So, we go to art galleries, and he loves photography. It’s cool.”

“This [relationship] is just normal, thank God,” she continues. “He’s very, very supportive. [I] couldn’t ask for a better man in my life right now.”

Which, of course, begs the big question: Is Johnson the one?

“I never go to that because I already went there, so, I’m not gonna jinx my own self,” she says. “He’s the one for me right now! I’m very happy, I’m in a great place and if right now could last forever, I’d take it.”

[From People]

Oh, Jessica. Seriously, DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS EVERY TIME? Girl, we know you believe in love. We know your little pea brain gets hypnotized by the dick. We know because it happens every single time you’re getting laid. Just take it down a notch. Just a little.

Photos of Eric and Jessica, courtesy of Jess’s Twit-pics.

About a month ago, the rumor mill started working overtime with gossip about Jessica Simpson and her hairstylist/gay BFF Ken Paves. It seems Ken and Jessica were on the outs, and that they were no longer stuck up each other’s asses. Then Us Weekly basically confirmed the damn breakup with a hilarious and bitchy tell-all article that read like a series of snipes from Camp Jess and Camp Ken. Camp Jess basically said that Ken dumped Jessica for Eva Longoria (“hagwrecker”) because he was launching a line of weaves and sh-t in South America (he needed a Latina friend, I guess). Camp Ken basically said that Jess commit’s the cardinal sin of the gay-girl relationship: she dumps her gay every time she gets a new boyfriend! SHOCK. Anyway, Ken just gave a new interview to E! News, and I think we can officially declare Ken and Jess the fourth big split of the week. SOB. Ken has officially dumped Jess.

Yes, Jessica Simpson’s ex-BFF and former go-to hair guy Ken Paves finally admitted what we told you about weeks ago: that he’s no longer snipping Jessica’s locks. So what did he have to say when E! News tracked him down last night?

Paves stumbled when asked if he was still working with Simpson, saying, “Yes, but no, but… that’s what led to the speculation,” he stammered.

So are they friends or not? “Jessica and I have been friends for 12 years,” said Paves at the Operation Smile event in L.A. “I introduced her to Operation Smile many years ago.”

Paves said the friendship “is always there” and that anybody can “say what they want to say” when it comes to the formerly inseparable duo.

“I’m not insecure about it,” he said. But when it came down to it, he came clean that the two still haven’t seen each other in a while.

“I’ve been working on a lot of things that have me in town and traveling,” he said. “We’re both busy and busy is good.”

Here we go with the busy excuse again. Paves says he has met Simpson’s current boyfriend, NFLer Eric Johnson, who seems to be filling the role of supporter and constant companion that Paves used to play.

He’s a great guy,” said Paves. “I’m very happy for Jessica. Very happy.”

[From E! News]

This sh-t is more dramatic than Courteney Cox and David Arquette. Jessica had an “emotional affair” with Eric, and Ken got in a snit and found a new girl, and Jess was all “Why don’t you want to smell my farts anymore, Ken? I thought what we had was real, you know I’ll come back to you as soon as Eric dumps me!” And Ken says “I don’t want you to break my heart. Again.” And Jess is just in denial and so Ken has to be the one to tell people. Meanwhile, they’re both still thinking about each other, but neither one can make the first move. They’re such drama queens!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

They both wear their high heels with their skinny jeans. And both Jessica Simpson and Tom Cruise need to stop doing that sh-t. They look like they’re trying way too hard. Tom needs to stop pairing his lifts/heels with skinny jeans because the tapered leg draws attention to the fact that he’s wearing three-to-four inch heels. Jessica needs to stop because this style is crazy unflattering, especially since she’s being photographed at the airport, where everyone can see what she looks like in skinny jeans and NO heels – bad. Anyway, these are photos of Jessica and her boyfriend at LAX yesterday. Yes, they’re still together, despite rumors to the contrary. As LaineyGossip says, “He’s not going anywhere. Why work, or study, or try when Jessica Simpson is offering to provide?”

Beyond the unfortunate pairing of skinny jeans and Louboutins (right? I can see the red sole), what else do Tom and Jessica have in common? They both let their partners shop on their dime. They both like beefy football players? That’s all I’ve got.

I honestly don’t know how Jessica even gets into these jeans. And I don’t know why she would want to. Only girls like Sienna Miller can pull off this look, and even then, just barely.

Photos courtesy of Bauer-Griffin.

I swear, Wednesday afternoon there were like three solid Jessica Simpson stories all involving her bodily functions. It’s not even funny – this is how Jessica makes news these days. She farts or barfs or pees or belches or poops. Now, I am not one of those people who finds endless amusement in bathroom humor. Jessica is one of those people. On Wednesday, she tweeted: “This link just made my morning! RT @OMGFacts: The average person farts about 14 TIMES each day! How to fart less?” And then she linked to this. A little factoid page about farting. And this made entertainment news. Just like it made entertainment news when Jessica ripped one in the middle of a business meeting (and her mom yelled at her!). Yes, Jessica is incredibly gassy. And she likes to talk about it.

Onto the next “Jessica Simpson, Bodily Function” story. This one’s sub-headline is “Bodily Function: Barfing”. According to Us Weekly (who are always on high alert for Jessica’s “Breaking: Wind” stories), Jessica spent a week in the Middle East barfing her guts out and complaining about the heat. Oh, it was a U.S.O. trip too! Even when she’s doing something sweet, Calamity Fart-Blossom always finds a way to f-ck it up:

For Jessica Simpson, even a simple visit with troops aboard the USS Harry S. Truman was far from smooth sailing.

“She flew in on a helicopter and had three Red Bulls with no water,” a source tells the new Us Weekly of her Oct. 1 visit to the Persian Gulf. “Then she complained it was too hot out.” (It was 97 degrees that day in nearby Doha, Qatar.)

From there, things got messy. After eating, the singer, 30, attempted to perform. “She only sang one song, then vomited,” says the insider.

Still, a source close to Simpson adds, “She was dehydrated and got sick before she performed — and even got an IV. The doctor told her not to sing, but she did anyway.”

Back in the States on Tuesday, Simpson Tweeted her thoughts on the trip: “Feel so humbled by the sacrifice the troops and their families make to keep us safe. I’m forever changed after this last week. Thank you!”

[From Us Weekly]

My first thought was that she’s pregnant, honestly. It’s a decent explanation for barfing your way through a Middle East trip. Of course, it’s also a solid possibility that Jessica is too stupid to listen to medical advice about hydration in the desert. It’s also a possibility that all of that traveling just made her sick. Or she just had a stomach flu. Whatever.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

For the past I don’t even know how many months (three?), we’ve been hearing about Jessica Simpson’s new boyfriend, Eric Johnson, and what a loser he is. He’s a reitred NFL player who was supposed to go to Wharton Business School but ended up dropping out so he could spend more time with Jessica and her boobs and her money. We’ve heard many, many stories about how Jessica is paying for everything in the relationship (including her own jewelry, which Eric then “gives” her), and how Jessica – in her own words – feels “lucky” to be with a jobless business school dropout. Lately, however, her friends have really started going to the press (as unnamed sources) to bitch about Eric. This happened last week with Us Weekly’s hilarious bitchfest about Jessica and her gay BFF Ken Paves breaking up – Camp Paves leaked lots of funny quotes. Now Us Weekly has another hit piece:

Is Jessica Simpson’s flame dating her for fame? Eric Johnson, 31, “was never that successful in the NFL, but he’s always wanted the celebrity lifestyle,” a source tells Hot Stuff. “I believe that Jessica is his way to get famous. He’s using her.”

And it’s working out well for him, adds the insider: “She pays for most things. He doesn’t have the kind of money for first-class plane tickets or private jets.”

Some of her pals suspect the athlete – who is divorcing his wife of five years, stylist Keri Johnson – is in it for the perks.

“Eric doesn’t have a job, he just follows her around,” adds a second insider. “Her friends do not trust him.”

Still, a Simpson source counters that Johnson “has his own money from real estate properties,” and his lawyer, Richard Stilz, tells Us Weekly, “This has nothing to do with greed or fame. He cares a lot for Jessica and doesn’t care a hoot about her money.”

[From Us Weekly, print edition]

Granted, I’ve never heard Eric speak, but he strikes me as kind of a dumb guy. Do I think that about every guy who dates Jessica? Sure. I just don’t see how you could possibly have continued conversations with her. But if you’re her boyfriend and you get to have sex with her, it’s probably more interesting. So – is Eric a dumb guy who just fell in love with equally dumb Jessica, or is Eric some kind of brilliant slacker who is simply happy to be supported by the woman who adores him? Eh.

A few weeks ago, sources started muttering that Jessica Simpson and her BFF Ken Paves may have “broken up.” We got a tip last month that they weren’t even speaking to each other, and now media outlets are getting a slew of bitchy back-and-forth quotes from Team Simpson and Team Paves. It’s kind of hilarious. If it wasn’t so tragic, so very Jessica Simpson. I actually got a wave of nostaliga while reading this Us Weekly story – this is always how Jess’s breakups go. There are lies and recriminations and so, so much drama it’s like being back in middle school. It was like that with Tony Romo too! I guess it doesn’t matter that Jess and Ken Paves never f-cked. They were more intimate than that – he did her hair!

Jessica Simpson went out to eat with her boyfriend Eric Johnson on September 17, and a fellow diner claims “She looked super-cute.” But something is missing from Simpson’s life lately – her best friend through thick and thin, hairstylist Ken Paves.

The once ever-present Ken Paves has been MIA for months. Though other pals partied in Capri for Jess’s 30th birthday, he was noticeably absent. Tellingly, it was during that same trip that Johnson, 31, made his debut on her arm. Indeed, a Simpson family source says the friendship of 12 years cooled because of the romance: “Ken is sick of her cycle of dumping friends when she’s with a guy.”

In a pattern dating back to her breakup with Nick Lachey, Simpson goes AWOL when in love, only to return to Paves (and margaritas!) to nurse her broken heart post-split.

“She doesn’t care about the world, only herself,” says a source close to Paves. “All she talks about is men, love and sex.”

At the center of the rift is Johnson, a divorcing NFL player whom the Paves source calls “a user.” A Simpson pal says of the four-month relationship, “Her friends are unsure about his intentions. He doesn’t seem to have his own life.”

Seconds a Johnson source, “He was going to go to business school and instead to live with a famous girl in her mansion.”

Although Paves sent a tweet on the September 6 anniversary of Simpson’s dog Daisy’s death by coyote, Latina actress and client Eva Longoria Parker seems to be his BFF du jour.

“It’s a PR move,” says a Simpson source. “Ken’s launching his hair-care line in Latin American.”

But a Paves pal sniffs, “Jessica isn’t his only client – or friend.”

[From Us Weekly, print edition]

Isn’t this one of the most hilariously bitchy pieces you’ve ever read? To the cut about Jessica’s drinking habits (AND MARGARITAS), to dismissing Eva Longoria as just a brown girl who will help him in Latin America, to the inappropriate comparison of Eva to Jess (“sniff”) to this gem: “She doesn’t care about the world, only herself. All she talks about is men, love and sex.” Durr. Would you actually WANT Jess to talk about anything else? Beyond her obvious limitations (mentally), I’m not really dying to hear what she says about the economy or immigration. Anyway, I’m kind of in love with this story… such weepy melodrama, the epic trauma of a gay dude and his hag breaking up FOREVER. Actually, I don’t think it’s going to be forever. If Ken was really burning his bridges, he would have thrown in some quotes about Jessica’s horrible fashion, or her weight gain. That would have been FOREVER.

Goodness, Jessica Simpson certainly looks dramatically slimmer, doesn’t she? She’s still in New York, only this appearance yesterday wasn’t making people gasp at how bloated she looked. I’m always amazed at Jessica’s ability to lose weight so quickly. She really does – I don’t know if it’s because she’s so petite already and there really isn’t that much weight to lose, or whether she just has the kind of metabolism and workout ethic where the weight comes pouring off quickly. Or maybe it’s just three pairs of Spanx worn together? Anyway, these are new photos of Jessica promoting her clothing line at Macy’s yesterday. Her boyfriend was in attendance… because what else does he have to do?

Jessica Simpson squeezed into a little black dress Wednesday to launch her new Jessica Simpson Collection at Macy’s in NYC. During the two-hour store appearance, she signed autographs and greeted fans, whom she had earlier invited (via Twitter) to wear articles from her denim, shoes or accessories line. (She later posted shots of them on Twitter, writing: “Everyone looks amazing in their denim! I’m so proud.”)

Simpson, 30, was pleased with the turn-out. “What a great night!!!” she gushed on Twitter. “Thanks to everyone for coming out and supporting the line.”

After the launch, she treated her boyfriend Eric Johnson to dinner to celebrate his 31st birthday. They were spotted at Lavo, where Us Weekly held its annual 25th Most Stylish New Yorkers bash earlier in the evening.

“It’s Eric’s birthday!!!!” Simpson Twittered earlier in the day. “Party in NYC!!!!!”

[From Us Weekly]

Below are photos of Jessica and Eric out in NYC yesterday – their body language is strange. She’s walking slightly ahead of him, and yet he’s kind of leading her, like she’s too stupid to walk by herself. They walk this way all the time – it’s their way. It’s also reminiscent of the way Tom Cruise leads Katie Holmes when Katie is all loopy on Xenu’s Love (Valium?). They’re so weird. I bet Jessica is pregnant by the end of the year.

Jessica Simpson on Sept. 15, 2010. Credit: Fame.

We got an e-mail from someone last week asking us to look into the fact that Jessica Simpson’s ever-present hairdresser BFF, Ken Paves, was no longer hanging out with her. They wrote “[Ken] is not in NYC doing hair for Jess & her girls for her fashion show & has completley distanced himself from the Simpsons… Something is wrong here.” Sure enough Ken wasn’t around when Jessica had her big fashion show, so she hung all over her new man Eric Johnson instead. Kaiser mentioned this rumor when we first heard about it and wondered if Ken didn’t like Eric or if Jessica and Ken were fighting over something. E! has some insider information that these two are over, and quotes a source who claims “They had a major fight” and “Jessica’s devastated.” Ken denies that he’s upset with Jessica, but he does admit that he hasn’t seen much of her lately.

However, according to a source close to the singer, the hitherto constant companions are “over.” The suddenly former BFFs, almost inseparable over the years, had some problems over the summer, with Paves no longer speaking to Simpson over “something petty.”

“They’ve had a major fight,” the Simpson insider tells E! News. “Jessica’s devastated over it, she loves Ken. He just won’t speak to her at all.”

Simpson tried to make amends, even inviting Paves along to her 30th birthday party in Capri in July, where she brought along her family, girlfriends and new boyfriend Eric Johnson for a relaxing getaway.

Paves, who was always Jessica’s shoulder to cry on though her many loves and losses, turned her down.

“She was so upset,” says the source.

Along with some other drama, Jessica is said to be upset that Ken has been tweeting his love for his other galpal, Eva Longoria, calling her his “best friend.”

“Jessica was heartbroken, they were so close. Maybe one of them will come around,” the source says.

Paves and Simpson, who even collaborated a line of clip-on hair extensions called Hairdo, haven’t been snapped shopping or dining together in months, but maybe Paves is softening, reaching out over Twitter, saying sorry for the loss of Jessica’s beloved pooch, Daisy in early Sept..

But on Sept. 12, Ken tweeted that he loved his friends, and did not include Jessica in those he mentioned.

Still, there’s hope these two kids could work it out. Although Paves did not attend her denim debut at Fashion Week in New York, he did send her a tweet reading, “@JessicaSimpson have an amazing show!! Strut your stuff ladies!”

And he insists there’s no rift between the two, telling E! News he’s been unable to travel to see her because of projects.

“Jessica and I are definitely still friends. Jess is very supportive of my other relationships as I am of hers! The truth is we have both been busy and on different schedules,” he says. “I know Jessica is very excited for me! I’ve brought her dad Joe on to manage these projects. It’s all in the family! We are all definitely still friends…”

[From E! Online]

Jessica may be the type of person who ignores her best friend when she has a new boyfriend or maybe Ken just couldn’t deal with the fact that Eric was hanging around all the time. It’s got to hurt, though, to be replaced by Eva Longoria. Ken has also been tweeting with a Singer named Nyke Prince and has posted photos hanging out with her and several other people. Maybe these two just grew apart or Ken got other friends. It happens. I guess Jessica is going to have to find another sperm donor if she finds herself single and 40. She’s got time.

This is the photo of Eric Johnson that Jessica Simpson just tweeted with this message: “I have a major crush on you.” YIKES. Jessica has gone back to her old stalking mode, like she did with John Mayer and Tony Romo. Isn’t it weird when girls do that? Especially when it’s like they’re stalking the dude they’re actually dating. I had a friend like that – she treated her boyfriend like he was her complete obsession. Talked about him constantly, knew his every move, wouldn’t ever let the poor guy be alone. It’s sketchy… and it’s also very young, right? Like, that’s the kind of move you make when you’re 16 years old, not 30. But we’re talking about Jessica, and God knows what kind of age range she is intellectually (five?).

This tweet – which will be used in a court of law at some later date, after Jessica manages to smother Eric in his sleep with her Ding-Dong scented breasts – is just one of several inappropriate tweets Jessica has sent lately. She seems to love the fact that she’s dating a dude who isn’t ashamed to be seen with her, at all. Which makes me think less of Eric, honestly. Jessica has already tweeted a photo of them making out disinterestedly (hilarious) and referring to Eric as her “Yalie”. And just a few weeks ago, she tweeted another photo of the two of them, with Jessica starring lovingly at Eric’s nostrils. That time, she wrote that she felt “lucky” to be with him – a jobless dropout.

But with all of this gushing, I’m starting to think Eric must be awesome in bed, right? At least Jess is getting laid, finally.

******NOTE: There are NO SPOILERS for future episodes of Project Runway here, but there might be a few for past episodes.

Yesterday was the big runway show for the finale of Project Runway at New York’s Fashion Week. This happens every season of Project Runway – because they film the finale while still relatively mid-season of the airing of Project Runway, many, many sites run a series of spoilers as to who made it to the finale. I am not going to do that – because I can’t. I have very carefully avoided all of those other posts, and I hope all of you commenters avoid spoiling it for all of us too.

Because, at long last, I have gotten into this season of Project Runway – and it took me long enough. I think it was Gretchen and her Epic Bitchface that did it for me. I want that piece of work to fail and fail hard, and I will keep watching until she does. It’s not even that I hate her designs – she’s an okay designer, really. It’s her f-cking attitude. She’s snotty, she’s unprofessional, and with her f-cked up attitude, I can’t see how she would make it very far in this or any industry. Another one is Lily IVY – the Korean-American girl – Jesus, she is such a horrible stereotype of the monotone, anal-retentive Asian-American bitch. We’re not all like that, people! I mean, I’m a bitch, but I’m not anal retentive about it. And I f-cking loved last night’s episode when Michael WhatsIt was all “I am absorbing her Crazy.”

But my point, and this is perhaps a very tiny little SPOILER: Jessica Simpson is the guest judge on the finale. That’s right. Jessica “I Dress Pregnant All The Time Now” Simpson. That being said, I will prefer Jess to some of the other nonsensical “fashion girls” PR has had on – Kristen Bell?!? Seriously? And next week it’s January Jones! I prefer it when they have actual designers or fashion professionals on to judge – their criticisms are always better. That being said, I actually can’t wait to see what Jess says during the finale. It should be epic.

I think Jess is wearing Michael Kors too – eh. Her hair should be different – look at how puffy her face looks with that style! As My Gunn would say, Jess is not making it work.

Project Runway finale photos from Sept. 9, 2010. Credit: Fame.