For two days Jessica Simpson will be co-hosting on “The View.” I am guessing the other ladies are looking forward to a mind that is free of clutter, thoughts and political views. While Elisabeth Hasselbeck is off giving birth to baby number two, the ladies will delve into the usual topical conversations with a variety of co-host replacements.

“Jessica Simpson is set to sit in with the ladies of “The View” this November when she spends two days as a guest host. The actress and singer will guest-host on the ABC daytime talker on November 15 and 16. The show’s regular hosts are Barbara Walters, Joy Behar, Whoopi Goldberg, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sherri Shepard.”

[ET Online]

November 15^th and 16^th Jess is set be a part of the team of celebs to fill in. Samantha Harris (Dancing With the Stars) and Kassie DePaiva (One Life to Live) are signed up to help out. Kassie will be the first to keep Elisabeth’s seat warm. The bevy of celeb stars starts Wednesday Oct. 24^th. I know everyone will be setting their TiVo.

She is no stranger to the couch. She made an appearance on the talk show before just after her divorce and the entire John Mayer debacle. She delved into deep issues like shoes, dressing like a man to avoid the photogs and “all kinds of stuff.”

The View: How do you avoid the paparazzi?

Jessica: I don’t. I can’t.

The View: Is there a way to escape them at all?

Jessica: Not really. The whole, like, back door, hiding in trunks, wigs, disguise, dressing up like a man.

The View: Do you do that?

Jessica: Yeah, of course.

The View: On the other hand — on the other hand, I hope the day never comes when they’re not there. Then you say why don’t they care about me a little bit? You’re right.

Jessica: I might go through a little bit of withdrawal because I love fashion. So I like to, you know, sell my own boots and stuff. I use it for that. I look at it as a positive thing because I have a sunglass line coming out, all kinds of stuff.

Deep…very deep.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Jessica Simpson is shown at The Operation Smile 25th Anniversary Gala on 10/5/07. Thanks to PRPhotos.

Ah, Jessica Simpson, the deepest of depths. Though there’s a bit of debate regarding her stupidity - or regarding her intelligence, depending on how you want to frame the question (Joe Simpson once claimed in a Vanity Fair article that Simpson had an IQ of 160). Either InStyle magazine rephrased her answers or somehow gave her a shot of smart serum (okay maybe just less-dumb-than-regular serum) but she actually came off as reasonably intelligent in an article they wrote about her. They asked her about love and dealing with heartbreak, and Simpson responded in a way that made her seem relatively optimistic and pretty normal.

Love hasn’t always been kind to Jessica Simpson – even since her divorce from Nick Lachey – but the singer and actress says there’s something empowering about the disillusionment that comes with heartbreak.

“I’ve had my heart broken since my divorce,” Simpson, 27, tells InStyle for its November issue, perhaps referring to her relationship with John Mayer, which ended in June. “That’s OK. I believe you fall in love more than once and get your heart broken more than once. Trust me, I have cried myself to sleep.”

Simpson says she once felt like “the princess in the fairy tale – then reality came crashing in, and I learned that isn’t always how life works.”

Still, in the bigger picture, that may be a valuable lesson to learn. Nowadays, Simpson says, “I am in complete control of my life.”

[From People]

It’s kind of silly, but it makes me feel a little better to know that even pretty, rich, and famous like Jessica Simpson has cried herself to sleep. Simpson also talked about her relationship with her younger sister Ashlee, and the advantages they each get from the relationship.

In the InStyle piece, Simpson answers questions from friends and family. When sister Ashlee asks what she likes most about having a younger sister, Jessica says it’s that they can lean on each other. “I go to my sister for advice all the time, mostly about guys, life or how to deal with an argument with Mom or Dad,” she says. “You’d think she was older. I had to go through life first, and she saw the choices I made, good or bad. She can look at my life and be, like, ‘OK, I’m not gonna do it this way.’ I might be a little more jaded, but it’s exciting for me to see her making good choices.”

[From People]

It does seem like Ashlee makes better choices that Jessica. Not that Jessica made terrible decisions; it’s not like you see her out drinking and snorting coke every night like a lot of celebutards. But she did marry her first boyfriend pretty young, and I would imagine for a lot of people – after the honeymoon period wore off – you’d want to know what else was out there. I think that would only be compounded by living in Hollywood and having so much temptation around. Ashlee’s dated several guys and generally lived more of life in general, and has yet to settle down, so I’d guess that’s a result of seeing how unhappy it made her sister.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Jessica at the Operation Smile 25th Anniversary Gala on October 5th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Orlando Bloom has had an eventful few days. Earlier in the week he was declared an item with Australian model Miranda Kerr after they were said to be “house hunting” together. Kerr denied a relationship with Bloom, saying “We’re just friends. We actually ran into each other by coincidence and then someone took a photo, turning a molehill into a mountain.”

Then Bloom was said to be Jessica Simpson’s latest conquest when the two tried to keep a low profile at an event on Wednesday night, showing up and leaving together.

Now Bloom’s romance-filled week has been tempered by a minor car accident. The details are not fully known yet, but TMZ reports that he was in a collision at 2:15 AM this morning in LA. He was driving a black Toyota Matrix owned by a friend that collided with a Porsche Cayenne. The accident seems to be minor as both cars are said to be in ok shape. They report that “at least one person suffered minor injuries” and that a bloody rag was seen near the crash.

We’ll have to wait and see what news comes out in this case today. Hopefully Orlando wasn’t driving drunk and no one suffered more than superficial injuries. Orlando was seen arguing with a man outside a restaurant earlier in the night, but that may be unrelated.

Orlando Bloom is shown in the unflattering image in the header at the aftershow party for Campaign to end Fistula on 9/6/07 thanks to Splash News.

Vanessa Minnillo is hardcore. She’s got a reputation as being a bit of a diva – supposedly that’s why she was axed by MTV and “Entertainment Tonight” – and apparently she’s bringing that same diva mentality to her relationship with Nick Lachey. She’s told him that he’s got to marry her by next year or she’s out the door. I think Vanessa Minnillo has an inflated sense of self. When she worked for “Entertainment Tonight” she was supposedly a total bitch when she had to actually work, and thought she’d become enough of a celebrity that she shouldn’t have to interview people… which was her job. Ahh, to be paid to stand there and look pretty. Pretty much what I do here at Celebitchy.

“Vanessa Minnillo has hit Nick Lachey with a wedding ultimatum - marry me by next year without a prenup or I’m gone! ‘Vanessa loves Nick, but she’s prepared to walk if he’s not willing to marry her,’ an insider told The ENQUIRER. ‘And she’s not going to get involved in a prenuptial agreement. She feels marriage is forever, and she doesn’t want to begin a lifelong commitment by signing an agreement that’s just an out for a divorce.’ Ex-boy band member Nick, 33, and the 26-year-old beauty are spending time between homes in Los Angeles and New York - and are nearly ready to seal the deal, say sources.

“As the Enquirer recently revealed, Vanessa has picked out an engagement ring - a platinum band with a large emerald-cut diamond in the center and two smaller emerald-cut stone on each side. She first spotted the sparkler at the Kentucky Derby in May. ‘But all bets are off in Nick forces a prenup on her,’ said the insider.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, October 8, 2007]

My favorite part is just how worried Nick is about his money. Supposedly the “Enquirer’s” source said, “‘Nick wants the prenup, mostly because he saw what happened with his first marriage to Jessica.” Um, isn’t that exactly how he got all his money that he’s worried about? When he was with Jessica, their net worth was around $50, but he was only responsible for $5 million – so 10%. Yet he ended up with about half of their net worth, which means he gained about $20 million just for being married to Simpson. I’m not arguing whether he did or didn’t deserve it, but I just think it’s really ironic that he’s so worried about losing it in the exact same way he won it.

Picture Note by Jaybird: Here’s Vanessa Minnillo at the launch for her “limited edition” of Flirt cosmetics. “Limited edition” meaning it won’t sell well so they’re planning on canceling the line from the get-go. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Ashlee Simpson’s coy dodging of nose job related questions has all been for naught – her mouthy father, Svengali Joe Simpson has confirmed to Fox News that Ashlee did in fact have a nose job last year. I know, pick yourself up off the floor, and we’ll carry on.

“After more than a year of coy answers from Ashlee Simpson regarding her May 2006 nose job, her father Joe has finally confirmed that his daughter went under the knife. In an interview with Fox News, Joe says he had no control over Ashlee’s decision to undergo rhinoplasty.

“‘Girls have their own ideas,’ he shrugged. ‘Anyway, there was a real problem with her breathing and that was cured.’”

[From UsWeekly]

Yes we girls do have our own ideas. The nerve! I love that it wasn’t “People have their own ideas” or “My children have their own ideas.” The problem is that girls have their own ideas, and it’s just so dang hard to tell them what to do anymore!

And if you’ve been sitting around wondering to yourself, “Why are Jessica and Ashely Simpson so much better than Paris and Britney and the other skanks? Well, Joe has an answer for that, too.

“Joe, who also serves as manager to Ashlee, 22, and her sister Jessica, 27, credits good parenting as the reason his daughters haven’t gone the way of Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears.

“‘We have a real family,’ he said. ‘You can’t just put these kids out in the world and they’re on their own. I can remember a time when Jessica was singing at Madison Square Garden and her outfit ripped before she went on. We were there for her.’

[From Us Weekly]

Why am I not surprised that Papa Joe was there for Jessica when her outfit ripped, exposing her bare, heaving bosoms? His accidentally uber-creepy remarks regarding Jessica’s boobs are legendary. Now he’s moving on to the nose. And what’s the excuse when Ashley was caught lipsyncing on Saturday Night Live, and then broke out into a jig?

“‘She’d lost her voice, and Jordan Schur [then the head of her record label] insisted she lip-synch,’ he said. ‘She’d never done it before. She didn’t want to do it. Anyway, she’ll never do it again. We just did a huge tour, and there was no lip-synching.’

“The former Baptist minister also denies claims that he’s a controlling father. ‘I don’t tell my girls who to date or marry or what to do.’

“He also has no hard feelings against former son-in-law Nick Lachey. ‘I have nothing against Nick,’ he told me. ‘But they got married very young. I told Jessica, “You’re going to hit an age when it’s all going to be clear to you — life that is — and you’ll know what you want to do.’” Joe added: ‘I do blame 50 percent of their break-up on the media.’”

[From Us Weekly]

Well that’s fair, because I remember this time when a bunch of reporters made Jessica say stupid things, and then made Nick get angry at her for being so stupid, even though he’s really vapid himself. So I could understand how the media contributed to their divorce in a really significant way. I’m putting Papa Joe on my list of people who should not talk.

Note by Jaybird: Here’s Ashley at the VMAs on September 9th, and post nose job. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Rumors have been spread that Jessica Simpson has been a brat on the set of her new film, Major Movie Star, but her co-star Vivaca A. Fox has come to her defense.

“Those vicious lies they put out were just that – lies,” Fox, 43, said Saturday during an event for the fashion label Young, Fabulous & Broke at the LG House in Malibu.

In fact, Fox said that Simpson was anything but a diva. “She was so much of a team player. She was gracious and so down to earth.”

Fox plays a tough sergeant who whips Simpson’s character into shape. Speaking of Simpson, Fox said, “She showed a lot of physicality, like 90 percent of all her own stunts, and she sacrificed so much of her body for this movie”

Literally. While filming last week, Simpson accidentally injured her nose with a prop gun.

“During the scene,” remembers Fox, “she looked really intense when I looked in her eyes, and I just thought she was really into it. But when the director [Steve Miner] yelled, ‘Cut,’ Jessica came over to me and said, ‘Vivica I hit my nose with the gun.’ ”

Explains Fox, “We got ice immediately … Most girls would’ve stopped right then and there, but she was ready to do another take. She’s wonderful.”

People

While this movie has been dodged by reports it stinks, I am looking forward to seeing Jessica Simpson smack herself on the nose on the dvd outtakes. And falling over. And refusing to walk anywhere and eating alone in her trailer.

Jessica also shared a fitness tip this week.

Actress Jessica Simpson, 27, says, “Skipping my strenuous workout routine is never an option. I basically work out two hours a day five to six days a week.

“Last night I got to go to the gym at ten. . . and I was on the treadmill for an hour. I have a white-girl bootie so to lift it a bit, I do three sets of 20 reps of squats, lunges and jump squats. They kill me, but they really work.”

The Sun

She looks fabulous, but I can’t say I’m dedicated enough to give the gym two hours of my life each day. I’m not sure what she means by a white girl booty either, but I think we should never call a bum by a colour. Everyone has one, and calling it black or white will only ever divide us. Call it a butt, no colour, and call it a simplistic notion of how to achieve world peace. I reallyhope Miss Universe goes with my theory next time she gets asked about world peace, too.

Jessica Simpson is back to doing what I loved best from her show Newlyweds. Saying silly stuff.

“The first time I went to that orphanage, I was 16. I remember holding this baby who was found in a dumpster. I wanted to adopt him right then and there. I was like, ‘Dad, can I have him for my birthday, please?’”

Post Chronicle

Love ya Jess.

The other thing she did particularly well was whinge and behave like a brat, and apparently she’s been doing that on the set of her new film Major Movie Star.

A source has said that “Jessica is acting like a spoiled brat, and that She throws tantrums and gripes about the heat. After a week of having to tolerate her, we’re all ready for her to pack her bags and hit the road.”

Product Review
Unfortunately, Jessica acting stupid in a film isn’t that great. I know, it should be a winning formula, but it somehow doesn’t make it. Check out this YouTube clip if you don’t believe me. Still, these crazy one liners are the reason we still care about her today.

“Jessica, you want some buffalo wings?”
“Sorry I don’t eat buffalo.”

“Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it’s tuna, but it says ‘Chicken by the Sea.’”

“Twenty-three is old. It’s almost 25, which is like almost mid-20s.”

Jessica: “Ooh I love this scent.”
Friend: “What is it?”
Jessica: “Ah…oh, it’s unscented.”

Thinkexist.com

I have got to go and get me some Newlyweds DVDs to watch. I miss Nick and Jessica so much.

I think, if I ever have to live another life, I’d like Jessica’s. Nick Lachey and John Mayer? She’s taken more than her fair share of hot guys. I’d like my slice please.

Jessica Simpson’s last couple of musical efforts have been met with lukewarm receptions, so she’s heading straight for the country and western market, saying she aspires to be like Patsy Cline. She also admits, in the same interview, that she spends a lot of money on clothes.

Jessica Simpson is a big spender, she recently admitted to Harper’s Bazaar — big surprise there. But the singer/actress also revealed that while sister Ashlee “goes to a thrift store and can buy something for 20 bucks … I have to go buy a black button-down at Barneys. For $900. Because it’s a collector’s item,” she said in the magazine’s August issue, which features Jessica on the cover.

MTV

Father/manager Joe Simpson also had this to say about her recently offered role as a porn star.

“The last script that came to us was for Jessica to be a porn star,” Jessica’s father and manager, Joe Simpson, told People at Thursday’s ABC Television Critics Association party in Beverly Hills.

“We were promised we would win an Oscar with that,” says Simpson, 49. “I was like, ‘Eh, we’ll just buy a [statue of a] little man and keep our clothes on.’ “

I guess he means buying an Oscar, because another statue wouldn’t be the same. Maybe a spare one off Meryl Streep? Besides, I think we all know it’s the spin you get in Hollywood. Some movie guy rolls up to you, chomping on a big cigar and says” Hey, I’m tellin’ ya, it’s got Oscar written all over it. It’s about a guy who is a Siamese twin, who falls in love with a hooker, but it’s only in his head. She’s not like a real hooker, okay? She’s good lookin’, classy. In the end she turns out to be real, and they get married, except you have to have a bit of dramatic tension, so I’m thinking one of the twins will die a virgin. Then there will be a touching moment where their shared penis gets in on the wedding night. The Academy, it loves this stuff….”

Jessica Simpson has previewed her swimwear range at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in Miami. The busty songstress presented the range with her mother Tina, although she didn’t model any of the swimwear herself.

The swimwear is actually really cute, much nicer than Jessica’s shoe range. Or her hair extensions. Check the pictures out, there are plenty of Jess making those faces. Is there someone who can teach you how to pose for photographs? Is this a stylists job, or would they just be leaving their advice at “If you drop something, get one of your people to pick it up, or we’ll all see your panties.”

Also, Dennis Rodman leaps up makes an appearance in these pictures for no apparent reason.

Jessica is said to be heavily involved with the line, and picked the models herself. The range included bikinis, one-pieces and accessories, like big hats and beach cover-ups.

In other Jessica news, she says that she would consider plastic surgery.

“I’ve had none,” she told Bazaar magazine. “But maybe after having kids, if my boobs dropped down to my belly button, I would get them lifted. But my boobs are real.”

However, the curvaceous actress and singer insists she’s more than happy with her looks at present.

“I love the bump in my nose,” she says. “People have said that I’ve had things like a jaw replacement or implant. I’m photographed every day of my life and have never worn any bandages or anything, so how could that be right?”

Evening Telegraph

Do we remember when Jess split up with Nick and got collagen lips? Is that plastic surgery? I guess it’s not permanent, and getting a needle in your lip isn’t really any different to getting one in your gum when you go to the dentist. Which is why I’ll never get a trout pout - too chicken.

Photos from News.com.au.

Could there be another reason why Jessica Simpson has been hitting the personal training sessions with such gusto lately? Of course she looks great, not that she looked bad before, she just looked…gasp… normal! But the National Enquirer is suggesting that Jessica is really seeing John Mayer’s trainer Harley Pasternak in an attempt to win Mayer back.

“Jessica and John, who dated for 10 months before calling it quits in May, are both clients of hot Hollywood trainer Harley Pasternak. And Jess, 26, has been spilling her secrets about her love life to Harley in the hopes he passes the information on to John.

“It’s a strange tactic - but Jess hopes it will make John jealous and win him back,” said the insider. “She’s been filling their workouts with talks of her ‘busy love life,’ even going as far as showing Harley photos of guys she’s been dating.””

[Linked from the National Ledger]

These two are another example of a couple that just did not make sense. I’m not going to try and argue that John Mayer is the deepest singer out there, but he’s the bottom of the ocean compared to Jessica Simpson. I lost a lot of respect for him when he dated her. The whole on-again-off-again thing got really annoying. I never understood why she dated him in the first place, considering he publicly made fun of her for thinking they were going out when he was just fooling around with her.

Either way, hiring your ex-boyfriend’s trainer to gossip to him is just pathetic. And diabolically genius if it works. John’s response to Harley was that he broke up with Jessica due to her childish, immature behavior. It is pretty lame if she’s hoping to make John jealous by talking about her exciting dating life to her trainer. It’s kind of like playing the telephone game, for adults. But there’s nothing wrong with getting your life in order, as it appears Jessica has done, and if that happens to make John jealous, so be it. But she should be doing healthy things to feel better about herself. Right? Right. I think so. Relationship games are so confusing.

Header image is of Jessica on the 4th of July. Thanks to SplashNews.