Earlier this week, CB covered some of the photos from Jessica Simpson’s extravagant birthday celebrations in Italy, with her family and her new boyfriend Eric Johnson. Jessica and company don’t seem to mind that they’re getting pap’d at every step of this trip – thus, we have new photos of Jessica and Eric in Rome yesterday, walking hand-in-hand and even mugging and kissing for the benefit of the cameras.

Now, this really does surprise me. Sure, whenever Jessica falls in love (or lust), she falls hard and the world has to know about it. She gives interviews, she gets a People Magazine cover where she talks about her “love” and immediately tabloids start talking about wedding plans and babies, etc. But I thought Jessica had changed? She is, after all, 30 years old now. Do we have to do this every time?

Plus – there’s still drama with his ex-wife – are they in the middle of their divorce? I don’t know. And everything has happened so fast for Jessica and Eric. By my estimation, they’ve barely been dating a month. Isn’t this new-boyfriend PR roll-out happening very fast? Is Eric the one? He seems dumb as a box of hair, and he seems like he’s just in it for the free boobs and Italian vacation.

Look at some of these shots and tell me this whole thing doesn’t reek of an old-fashioned, old-school, old-Hollywood PR situation. And Jessica’s black-and-white dress is… not good. It’s not a bad cut or anything, the print just makes me think of cows, and that’s not good.

Jessica and Eric in Rome on July 14, 2010. Credit: Bauer-Griffin.

Last year Jessica Simpson was single on her 29th birthday, having been dumped by Tony Romo right before she could throw a Barbie and Ken-themed party. This year, Jessica Simpson celebrated her big 3-0 by macking all over her married boyfriend on the Italian Island of Capri. Seeing these photos I’m reminded of that beach makeout photo session she had with John Mayer a few years ago. We all know how well that worked out, but maybe this guy will last longer for her.

I had the chance to read US Weekly’s cover story on Jessica’s “married” boyfriend, and while the guy is not technically single yet he did file for divorce back in January and it’s not like he’s cheating, as Kaiser mentioned in our earlier coverage. The thing that bothers me is that Jessica’s new boyfriend, ex-NFL player Eric Johnson, is said to be incredibly controlling and to have encouraged Jessica to do that vegan diet and cleanse she was gushing over on Twitter. When a guy puts you on a diet after just a few weeks of dating, that’s definitely a warning sign.

Jessica has her sex/marriage/babies blinders on, though, and is willing to do anything to keep this guy by her side. She’s said in the past that she thought she’d have kids by 30:

Jessica Simpson won’t be alone when she turns 30 this Saturday — she’s on the romantic Italian isle of Capri with brand-new man Eric Johnson — but it’s not exactly how she imagined the birthday.

“I thought I had it figured out; I’m going to be this great pop star, be married, have babies,” Simpson has said about the 3-0 milestone.

“But things can be taken from you,” she added sadly. Indeed, after divorcing Nick Lachey in July 2006, she endured a spate of failed romances with John Mayer, Tony Romo and Billy Corgan.

Her last album — 2008′s country-music foray Do You Know — tanked, and her poorly received VH1 reality show The Price of Beauty is being “retooled” for its second season, according to a source.

But, for now, Simpson appears to be enjoying herself with new love Johnson. “I know she is really happy,” an insider says in the new Us Weekly.

[From US Weekly]

You can’t rush these things. Sometimes life changes and that doesn’t mean things are taken from you. Once you get married and have kids you don’t get another chance to be single and careless. I just get the feeling from Jessica that there’s this sadness underlying everything and that marriage and kids aren’t going to change anything for her. Even if she marries this guy and fulfills her dream to have kids it’s not like her life is going to be suddenly complete. It seems like she’s holding out for the perfect guy before she truly enjoys life and that it’s just going to end badly for her, even if she nails this one down.

Photos are from 7-10-11. Credit: Bauergriffinonline.

As I predicted yesterday, Us Weekly’s Jessica Simpson cover story this week is full of sh-t. Now, I’m pretty much over Jessica because of her powerful stupidity and all, but I don’t really wish her ill. She’s got enough bad stuff going on in her life that is totally up for grabs, gossip-wise, that we don’t have to make up stuff, like phantom pregnancies to explain away her burrito (and tostado, nachos and margarita) baby. But that’s what Us Weekly did, by trying to make us think that Jessica’s romance with former football player Eric Johnson is somehow “risky”. And once again, Eric is only kind-of married at this point. He and his estranged wife filed for divorce back in January or February, and by most accounts, his wife doesn’t seem to care that he’s off with Jessica. Here’s Jezebel’s excerpt from Jezebel’s tabloid round-up:

Though various sources describe ex-NFL player Eric Johnson as a “hardworking” guy who makes Jessica “really happy,” he’s definitely an a–hole. Consider this evidence:

1) He filed for divorce in January, but it still hasn’t been finalized (though he and his ex are on good terms).

2) He took Jessica home for a family reunion, and meeting his folks for the first time was totally “awkward.”

3) Though he knocked her up five weeks before meeting her (says OK!), he now encouraging her to crash diet.

4) Jessica is inherently incapable of having a happy, stable relationship (according to the tabs, at least).

[From Us Weekly via Jezebel]

So, does the guy really sound like a douche? On a scale of Clive Owen (the best, naturally) to John Mayer (The Douche Supreme), I’d say he sounds like a solid Chace Crawford (he might have a few douche moments, but overall, he’s too bland to be either extreme). Oh, and just FYI – Jessica’s new romance has gotten the seal of approval from People Magazine, who ran a glowing little piece about Jess and Eric’s fourth of July:

Jessica Simpson and her new beau, former NFL player Eric Johnson, have been spending quality time together – including a cozy Fourth of July celebration. Two days after Simpson attended the grand opening of the Casino Club at The Greenbrier Sulphur Springs, W. Va., she was spotted with Johnson at the Ponte Vedra Inn & Club in Florida.

“They were very nice,” says bartender Ben Brewer. “She was wearing shorts and big shades. She did look absolutely stunning.”

The singer, who turns 30 on Saturday, and Johnson, 30, lounged by the pool and sipped fruity cocktails at the resort on the holiday.

But their romantic getaway was short lived: The following morning they had to return to the real world. Although they have kept their romance low-key, they weren’t shy about showing some PDA at the Jacksonville, Fla., airport, where sources say they hopped a flight to Los Angeles.

“They were definitely huggy-kissy at the ticket counter,” says one eyewitness.

“They were holding hands,” adds another observer, “and she was rubbing his back and scratching his head. They were affectionate.”

[From People]

Allegedly, Jessica and Eric have been dating for five weeks. FIVE. WEEKS. And Eric’s already under the tabloid gun to be Mr. Perfect Boyfriend. Ha. So after five whole weeks, they’re still in that stage of just having sex all the time and they probably aren’t having very deep conversations (and they never will). I do think that it’s a little funny after making Nick Lachey wait all of those years that Jessica now gives the milk away for free to any dude who can fumble a ball. HA.

Looking at photos of Jessica standing next to Jennifer Garner and Brooke Shields is like looking at some museum exhibit about the evolution of boobs.

Cover courtesy of Jezebel. Additional pics of Jess from July 7, 2010. Credit: Fame.

Is Jessica Simpson pregnant? That’s what OK! Magazine is claiming, in a brilliant/stupid piece of passive-aggressive photo assumption. This photo on OK’s cover is the same one I used a few days ago to illustrate A) how unflattering Jessica’s dress was for her big appearance in West Virgina over the weekend and B) how she should have avoided showing her profile. Now that everyone just assumed Jessica had gained some weight in her abdomen (the logical conclusion), OK wants us to know that Jess is just pregnant. No mention of the baby daddy – at least not with OK:

As Jessica Simpson turns 30, the singer/actress has a new man and a new plan — to become a mother! Enjoying an early birthday celebration at the Greenbrier Casino Club gala opening in West Virginia on July 4, Jess caused a stir with her visible bump! OK! brings you the inside story on Jess’ new love, her plans for the future and what kind of a mom she will be!

[From OK! Magazine]

Now, Us Weekly tried a different tact – calling Jessica out for boning a “married man”. Since Us Weekly hasn’t released their story yet, I’m going to assume that the married man is Eric Johnson, who is actually in the midst of a divorce. According to TMZ, Eric and his wife filed for divorce in February. So… yeah. “Risky!” I think the only thing “risky” about it is that Jessica is a rebound girl for Eric, and she’s probably thinking “Finally, a nice guy who can stand to listen to me without gauging out his eardrums, maybe he’ll marry me!” And Eric is thinking, “Mm, sexual napalm.”

Covers courtesy of CoverAwards.

Here are some newish photos of Jessica Simpson in West Virginia on Friday. She went to the grand opening of the Greenbrier Hotel’s Casino Club. Other celebrities were in attendance too – notably, Jennifer Garner, Ben Affleck, Debbie Reynolds and Brooke Shields. But for some reason Jessica seemed to be the headliner celebrity, and she got a lot of press from this one event. Her dress is very Vegas showgirl, right? I’m not hallucinating? The shoes are insane as well, and Fame Pictures put a big white circle around Jessica’s stomach for one of the profile photos – not cool. Poor Jess.

But here’s one less thing about which we have to feel badly for her – Jessica has got a boyfriend! Maybe. TMZ and other sources claim that Jessica is getting busy with a former football player named Eric Johnson. He was a 49er, and apparently he’s in the midst of a divorce. Not Jessica’s worst choice, honestly:

TMZ has learned Jessica Simpson has a new boyfriend and he is not a current NFL player — he’s a former one.

Sources tell TMZ Jessica is dating ex San Francisco 49ers tight end Eric Johnson. He last played for the New Orleans Saints back in 2008. Johnson split from his wife earlier this year, filing for divorce in February.

Simpson — whose show, “The Price of Beauty,” returns to VH1 in 2011 — began dating Johnson in May.

A source tells us they are “very happy.”

[From TMZ]

Here are a couple of photos of Eric Johnson:

Not bad. Maybe he’s a really nice guy? Because he doesn’t look all that. Maybe he’s great in bed. We can only hope, for Sexual Napalm’s sake.

Jessica on July 2, 2010. Credit: Fame.

Thankfully, I never sat down and purposefully watched an entire episode of Jessica Simpson’s The Price of Beauty. I could tell from the advance clips that it was going to be dumb, and then CB confirmed it for me when she reviewed the show’s premiere episodes, quoting a critic by saying that Jessica and her friends exemplified the vapid “ugly American” stereotype. In Jessica’s defense, I do think her heart was in the right place most of the time – as evidenced by her remark that her show was like “missionary work.” Ugh. Yes, she’s dumb, and it’s no longer, “Oh, she’s so cute and dumb, she thinks buffalos have wings.” Now it’s “Jessica needs to shut her mouth because she damages whatever little affection anyone has of her by saying such God-awful stupid things.” Basically, “dumb and cute” has a shelf life.

So anyway, The Price of Beauty was not the reality show hit that VH1 hoped it would be. But instead of cancelling it outright, VH1 is going to “retool” it. Meaning Jessica and her friends will no longer travel around, insulting other cultures with their stupidity. Now they’ll be doing makeovers. Eh… it could work. But the best part of the VH1’s spokesperson’s statement was the absolutely brilliant, post-modern, epically fantastic use of the “etc”. Wait for it:

Jessica Simpson’s The Price of Beauty “is being retooled” for its second season, a source tells UsMagazine.com.

The show — which earned just 1 million viewers for its March premiere — may now focus more on Simpson giving people makeovers, as she did in the finale episode, instead of traveling the world with her pals and saying wacky things.

“VH1 is in talks with Jessica for a series on beauty and image,” a source close to the project tells Us.

A VH1 spokesperson tells Us, “We are here to stay with Jessica and are committed to this journey and this message with her about women, self image, etc… all through Jessica’s totally unique and unfiltered lens. We are really excited about the next step, which we will announce soon and will air on VH1 in 2011.”

Simpson, 29, has said she found her life’s calling while traveling the world for four months taping the show.

“I’m not saying I’m changing the world,” a teary-eyed Simpson said while accepting an award at the Gracies (which honor women in radio and TV) in Beverly Hills last month. “But… to be able to sit with my dad and [create] Price of Beauty… It’s similar to missionary work. It was what I was called to do and called to be.”

[From Us Weekly]

“…This message with her about women, self image, etc…” This was an official statement! Haha, it’s like the dude (and you know it’s a dude) was saying “We’re committed to making a show with Jessica Simpson, sure it could be about ‘empowerment’ or whatever, but we’re angling for more boob and ass shots and maybe putting her together with Bret Michaels, like a Rock of Love-meets-Charlie’s-Angel thing. ET CETERA.” I bet Papa Joe would go for it.

Header: Jessica Simpson on May 6, 2010. Credit: WENN.

Jessica Simpson has visibly slimmed down, as Kaiser noted last week. Like everything else this girl does, her method of losing weight doesn’t sound sustainable. Maybe I’m biased, though, because this is Jessica Simpson we’re talking about. She has a well known personal trainer, Harvey Pasternak, who developed the arguably sensible “Five Factor Diet,” but Jessica is now touting a special fermented tea along with a vegan diet developed by a guru with the hilarious name of “Master Wang.”

Note that one of the websites mentioned in the text below, zenandtea, triggered my Kaspersy virus alert program, which denied me entry. It’s possibly infected or I’m getting a false positive:

Has Jessica Simpson been talking to Gwyneth Paltrow? The singer has spent the weekend eating vegan food, meditating and undergoing the ancient treatment of cupping.

“Shocked my system with a vegan diet, special Pu-erh tea from China, and cupping since friday! Who am I right now? This might be too clean!” Jessica confessed via Twitter last night.

The Price of Beauty star, who has talked openly about her struggles with her weight and body image, spent the weekend on a new age retreat with a healer called Master Wang.

Clearly, whatever he was doing worked, taking Jess on a far-out mystical journey.

“Has anyone ever tried cupping?” she Tweeted yesterday. “When u know you are doing something good for ur body the meditation creates intense visions. Love it!”

Jess explained her healer runs a program called Total Vitality and she included links to two websites MedicineBuddhas.org and ZenandTea.com.

[From OK! Magazine]

I will admit that I’ve done cupping and I’ve tried a vegan diet. I felt healthier and more balanced after each. For cupping I went to a Chinese doctor my regular physician recommended and I found it relaxing and probably detoxifying – it was hard to tell. I did the Eat To Live vegan diet for several weeks and found myself losing weight and feeling better with more energy. Now I just count calories, though, and eat more fruits and vegetables overall without giving up meat, wheat, dairy, caffeine or alcohol. Those things can drag you down though for sure and you have to practice moderation.

Did this guy comp Simpson’s visit in exchange for a mention, or did she pay for herself only to turn around and give free advertising to “Master Wang”? There’s just a whiff of a scam when it comes to weekend healing retreats that involve Eastern medical practices packaged and sold to consumers. It could be legitimate, it’s hard to tell. A vegan diet can help with all sorts of medical problems and I can’t fault Simpson for trying. If she’s having hallucinations, though, you have to assume something is wrong, like she has low blood sugar or is overtired. What’s next for Jessica, a guest column on Goop, introduced by Dame Paltrow? Goopy already covered this topic in a column last summer.

Jessica from a month ago:

It feels like we haven’t talked about Jessica Simpson in a while. She’s been keeping a lower profile for the past few weeks, which is good. I think we all needed a break. She came back to do some kind of pre-launch “sneak peek” thing for her new line of jeans. The Jessica Simpson jeanswear line will debut this fall, and the press release claims: “the vision of the collection is to be iconic yet fashion forward; always accessible yet timeless. Along with her denim creations, Miss Simpson’s line will also include woven and knit tops.” Is Jessica modeling her jeans and tops in these photos? Because I have to admit, I don’t hate those jeans she’s wearing. True, they don’t look really expensive or well-made or anything, but they look like a cute pair of cheap jeans.

LaineyGossip pointed out that Jessica’s 30th birthday is coming up in two weeks. Lainey thinks she’s going to go big, but I’m not so sure. For some reason, I kind of think Jessica will be a mess, bless her heart. She probably won’t want people to draw attention to it. She hasn’t been talking about it on Twitter, so I’m think there won’t be any kind of Barbie or Pony or Sparkle-themed bash, thank God. My birthday wish for her? I want her to go out with her girls, get hammered and go home with a really sexy dude that she has no interest in having a relationship with.

Also – Jessica has definitely lost weight since we last saw her. This first photo below is from the end of May – someone did a quick diet, right?

I’ve only seen the first full episode of Jessica Simpson’s cringe-inducing VH1 series, The Price of Beauty. In the episode I watched, there was a lot of giggling, vomiting, and head-smacking levels of foolishness. Jessica and her friends Cacee Cobb and Ken Paves traveled around the world in contrived scenarios that did little more than show how out of touch and clueless they were. They gagged and made a scene in a Thai marketplace after voluntarily tasting fried bugs, giggled during a meditation session with a Buddhist monk, and were patronizing and rude. It was amazing how clueless and openly disrespectful they were of the cultures they visited. (We covered this a couple of months ago when the show premiered, and you can read more about it here.)

In a recent acceptance speech for a vague award, Jessica compared her travels for the show to missionary work and said it was some kind of calling for her. From what I know of her personality (dumb, goofy, lacking in subtlety or hygiene) she did this in all seriousness and wasn’t just joking around. Missionaries visit other countries to spread their religious beliefs while doing humanitarian work. What the hell were Jessica and her friends spreading – ignorance and orange spray tans for all?

To Jessica Simpson, The Price of Beauty was more than just a reality show — it’s her life’s calling!

“I’m not saying I’m changing the world,” a teary-eyed Simpson said while accepting an award at the Gracies (which honor women in radio and TV) in Beverly Hills Tuesday.

“But…to be able to sit with my Dad and [create] Price of Beauty,” she said of her VH1 show, in which she traveled the world to explore definitions of beauty in various cultures. “It’s similar to missionary work. It was what I was called to do and called to be.” On the series, Simpson visited a “fattening hut” in Uganda, munched fried cockroaches in Thailand, and walked a couture runway in Paris.

Despite the show’s lackluster ratings and tepid reviews, the 29-year-old star said “it’s changing my life, and that’s what it’s all about. We’re all women, we are strong and there is always a life to change, and you are powerful enough to do it!”

The Gracies honored Simpson for her strength and entrepreneurial endeavors in the face of adversity and public scrutiny.

Earlier in her speech, Simpson quipped, “I’m not used to people talking so nice about me,” and explained that she felt “called to the ministry” at church camp (dad Joe Simpson is a preacher) when she was 13.

“I remember calling my parents on a pay phone and said ‘Dad? Mom? Guess what? I’ve been called into the ministry!’” she recounted to the crowd. “And they were like… ‘Whoawhoawhoa, did you sign anything? Are you sure you wanna take this on?’ And I was like ‘Sure, really! I know right now at this very moment I can change the world. Somehow.’”

[From US Weekly]

Many of you will defend her and say I’m being too harsh. That’s a fair argument. I just think that of all the people who could have done a show on the cultural differences in the perception of beauty, Jessica Simpson and her buddies are the last people that should have been chosen. The more Jessica talks, the more she proves this point. Stumbling around other countries making fun of their customs is not missionary work. What’s worse is that Jessica’s dad, the creator of this show, is a Baptist minister. You would think Jessica would know that spreading Western values of (trashy-looking) aesthetics is not the same as spreading the word of God. This girl doesn’t know she should brush her damn teeth twice a day so it’s not like I’m going to get anywhere by questioning her reasoning.

Some people think Jessica Simpson still looks good. Really? True story. I am not one of those people. Of course, I’m not going to rag on her weight – I don’t care about her weight. It’s her style that consistently pisses me off. Not just the bad clothes she wears, but the hair, the makeup, the vibe. If I didn’t know better, I would think Jessica is a 40-something Texas hooker. She wears too much makeup, the hair is always jacked, and her clothes are always too tight. Why does she always get it wrong on red carpets? Does she have no one in her life or her “team” that will just sit her down and tell her – “You look like hell. Don’t go out like that.” And does she have a mirror? Why doesn’t she look at herself and just say, “Actually, I don’t need this much makeup.” There’s something I’ve been feeling about Jessica for a while – she has drag queen style. Tragic, but true.

Meanwhile, we got sent this strange email from a dude named Alex Astilean who sued Jessica because she didn’t fulfill her contract to promote Speedfit, a workout video. Allegedly, Jessica showed up to the promotional shoot drunk, and then Astilean and Joe Simpson tangled in the press. Joe tried to get the video banned from release, and Jessica ended up getting sued. The dude said that she was “hurting the fat people of America” and later said that her weight gain was “karma”. He later lost the case in arbitration. Now he’s claiming that Jessica “lied under oath” in her deposition and he can prove it with some “smoking gun evidence”. I didn’t want to delve too deeply into this stuff, just because, at the end of the day, how difficult is it to catch Jessica in a lie? Did you see her on Oprah? She’s so dumb, it’s a wonder she can function in society.

Jessica on May 25, 2010, credit: WENN.