It looks like we’ve always concentrated on the wrong member of Jessica Simpson’s beauty entourage. I had Jessica’s hair guy Ken Paves as the one Jessica would take a bullet for, her best friend in the whole world, the guy who probably comes closest to Jessica’s soul mate. Well… all of that might be the case, but it looks like Jessica’s makeup artist Mary “Lil’ Cholita” Phillips is also Jessica’s bestie, so much so that when Phillips got arrested for drunk in public, Jessica is the one that got the call. Jessica’s a good friend, too! She showed up to the West Hollywood jail (“the drunk tank”) to get Lil’ Cholita out, but the police wouldn’t release the sh-tfaced makeup artist because she was still so wasted, and apparently that’s against some kind of policy.

Oh, and Jessica is the one who calls Mary “Lil’ Cholita”. Jessica posted the above photo of herself, Phillips and Ken Paves on Twitpics with the note Sizzlin’ w my peeps, pretty boy KP (@kenpaves), lil’ cholita (Mary Phillips)…look out Yo!! This was just hours before Lil’ Cholita’s arrest.

Jessica Simpson paid a late-night visit to … jail!

The singer, 29, stopped by the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department in West Hollywood early Friday morning to try to bail out her friend, Usmagazine.com confirms.

Her pal and longtime makeup artist, Mary Phillips, was arrested at 1:30 a.m. for being drunk in public after police received a disturbing the peace call at the Sunset Tower Hotel, a law enforcement source tells Us.

Simpson, however, was turned away when she attempted to bail her out.

“She was arrested for being drunk in public, and she was not released to Jessica because you can’t release someone who has not sobered up,” Deputy Aura Sierra tells Us. “They’re going to release her a little later when she’s sobered up. I don’t know what time that will be. It could be a minimum of 6 to probably 8 hours.”

Hours earlier, Simpson had posted a photo on Twitter of herself, hairstylist BFF Ken Paves and Phillips — who worked with Simpson on The Dukes of Hazzard and Employee of the Month and prepped her for her 2002 wedding to Nick Lachey.

She said that she was “sizzlin’ with my peeps, pretty boy KP and Lil’ Cholita [Phillips] … look out yo!!”

Phillips is still in custody, the law enforcement official tells Us.

[From Us Weekly]

I think Lil’ Cholita sounds like a fun person. I hate hearing about people getting arrested for drunk in public or drunk and disorderly, because ultimately I feel like “at least they weren’t driving.” If you’re not drinking and driving, how else are you going to get home? You’ll have to walk! Thus, drunk in public. I learned that in my college town, where the police loved nothing better than to arrest college kids walking home after a long night at the downtown bars. I never got arrested, but I did my fair share of drunk in public.

One more thing: Lil Cholita 4 EVA.

UPDATE: Lil’ Cholita was released from jail after she sobered up. She was given a citation, and Jessica did not return.

Jessica’s Twitpic courtesy of her Twitter.

This week’s tabloids are chock full of goodness, hilarity and insanity about the Billy Corgan-Jessica Simpson hookup/relationship. Previously, we’ve heard that Papa Joe was likely the one to set them up, because Joe liked Billy’s soul or his faith or something. We’ve also heard bitchy comments from one of Jessica’s “friends” about how Jessica is basically doing the same old bullsh-t she does whenever she gets into a relationship, which is go overboard, hover, smother, and whine. This week, we get new insights on why Billy and Jessica are the best couple ever, including the hilarious revelation that Billy is “very caught up in Jessica’s mystique.” Seriously! Here are the tabloid snippets, courtesy of Jezebel’s tabloid round-up:

OK! Magazine – A source says since things got serious between Jessica Simpson and Billy Corgan in November, she’s telling friends that she wants to have his children. Billy is “very caught up in Jessica’s mystique” and believes it’s a relationship worth pursuing.

Us Weekly - A “source” says of the Jessica Simpson/Billy Corgan relationship: “She likes weirdos and anybody who’s a ‘real’ musician. He’s smart and intense, so she likes that. But they have practically nothing in common.”

In Touch – Jessica Simpson’s “dangerous” new romance with Billy Corgan is covered thusly: “Jessica Simpson has always been a bit misguided when it comes to love. So when she was spotted walking out of the Ritz-Carlton in New York on December 4 with 42-year-old Smashing Pumpkins singer Billy Corgan, the world responded with a bemused ‘WTF?’” An insider says they are not exclusive. They seem to have little in common, but they’re both religious. Billy’s “friend” tells the magazine that he’s using the relationship to promote his new album. His ex-girlfriend, Tila Tequila, says: “I think Jessica Simpson is a waste of space. She can’t even put two and two together. She doesn’t show any female empowerment. She gets screwed over by her ex-boyfriends because she is all clingy. She should stop being so weak and stand up for yourself.”

[From Jezebel]

Crap, now Tila Tequila is getting involved? And she has the nerve to refer to anyone else as a “waste of space”?!? But the theory that Billy is using Jessica to help promote his album is a very interesting theory… but I still don’t see it. I mean, it’s not like Jessica can sell her own albums, so how is she going to help sell Billy’s? Or does Billy just want Papa Joe to “manage” him too? God help us all.

Oh, and one more thing – Us Weekly is calling bullsh-t on Star Magazine’s Tiger Woods-Jessica Simpson hookup cover story. A Simpson “source” says: “No part of this story is true. They met quickly and took a photo together. She was only there for a few hours to sing the national anthem.” Yeah, it sounded too good to be true. Jessica has also denied it on her twitter account, writing “can’t believe that I’m on the cover of star magazine with Tiger Woods, what a JOKE! “The Shocking Inside Story” is (insert drumroll) A LIE!”

Jessica and Billy in New York on December 4. Credit: INF.

Star Magazine’s cover story this week is all about how Jessica Simpson and Tiger Woods may have hooked up. They’re using an old photo of Jessica from this past July, when she was with Tony Romo and she went to Maryland to watch Romo play golf with Tiger for charity or something. In any case, Jessica and Tiger ended up taking some photos standing next to each other, and wouldn’t you know, Star Magazine breathed new life into those photos by throwing together a story about Tiger and Jessica flirting and maybe hooking up…?

Following Star’s bombshell that Tiger Woods was cheating on his wife with NYC event planner Rachel Uchitel, more than a dozen other women — including cocktail waitresses, models and escorts — have been linked to the superstar golfer. Now a celebrity has been added into the mix: None other than Jessica Simpson!

In the Dec. 28 issue of Star, we reveal that there was an A-list name in Tiger’s little black book. Just days before Jessica’s split with Tony Romo, she had a sizzling meeting with the fallen golf star at the AT&T National Pro-Am golf tournament in Bethesda, Md.

“Tiger liked what he saw and let her know it,” a source tells Star.

Since Jess had been fighting with Tony — who was Tiger’s golf partner at the July tournament — she gave as good as she got.

“Jessica said that she felt like Tony wasn’t paying attention to her, so she was like, ‘What the heck!’ ” says the source. “She decided to have fun with Tiger whether it bothered Tony or not.”

Phone numbers were exchanged — email addresses too.

What happened between Tiger and Jessica after that? How did she react when the scandal broke? Pick up the new issue of Star today for the sizzling pictures and the hottest chapter yet in this unfolding saga. Plus: Tiger’s long-suffering wife could spill his secrets in the fight for custody of their two kids!

[From Star Magazine]

It could be, I guess. I wouldn’t put it past Tiger, and Jessica does seem to be his type, I guess. She’s blonde, she’s dumb, she’s got that cheap look that Tiger seems to go for. And yet, I kind of think Jessica is too classy for him. Of course, a dung beetle is too classy for him.

There’s one other Jessica story floating around – apparently, Jessica might be designing a jewelry line with Pascal Mouawad. As part of the jewelry line, Jessica wants to include wedding bands, because who wouldn’t want to have a “Jessica Simpson wedding band” for their special day? According to a source at Fox News 411, “Jess and her mom are really pushing the wedding rings. Jess wants her own line but Pascal isn’t so keen on that. He wants to work with her, but definitely doesn’t think wedding rings would be appropriate for Jessica.” Right, because no bride wants to jinx their wedding band! That would be like Mel Gibson endorsing a line of tequila, or Tiger Woods endorsing a condom line. Both of which could happen, probably.

Star Magazine cover courtesy of CoverAwards. Additional photos of Jessica in LA on December 8, 2009. Credit: Fame.

Jessica Simpson has had a surprising week. We found out that she’s been quietly dating Billy Corgan for an unknown amount of time, and that her friends are really tired of each new boyfriend being “the one”. A day later, we learned that Jessica’s dad at been tweeting about Billy, writing “My friend, Billy Corgan, has a pure and enlightening outlook on faith.” So… yeah, my guess is that daddy set her up with his friend Billy. Much like a pimp would. Shiver. In any case, Jessica and Billy are “taking it slow”.

Perhaps one of the reasons Jessica isn’t eager to jump into a hardcore relationship with Billy is because she still has feeling for or about her ex Tony Romo. In Touch is reporting that Jessica recently found out that Romo’s new girlfriend, 33-year-old Candice Crawford, was seen wearing a ring:

Jessica Simpson “nearly fainted” when she found out Candice was wearing a diamond band, given to Candice by Romo. Although Jessica has “moved on with her life,” a pal says that she’s been following every detail about Candice and Tony’s romance. And Jessica fears the worst about Candice’s new bling.

“She doesn’t know what it means. Is it some sort of commitment ring that Tony gave to Candice? Jessica is bracing herself for the day that they get engaged. Jessica’s only hope is that she’ll have a boyfriend – or better yet, a husband – by then. But it really hurts, because she believed that she was the one who would be marrying Tony. It has to be breaking her heart.”

Gossip around Dallas is that “Candice really like Tony, but she has been very quiet about their relationship from the beginning. I’m sure he likes that, especially after how public things were between him and Jessica… Candice has kept her coworkers guessing about the ring too!”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition, December 21, 2009]

Meh. Isn’t it pretty standard after a difficult breakup to spend some time obsessing over the new girlfriend? I’ve done my fair share of that. What does she have that I don’t? Does he love her? Does he love her more than he loved me? Et cetera. I mean, I get that the tabloids love to portray Jessica as a sad sack (which she very well may be), but I don’t really think there’s anything too scandalous about this. Plus, she’s got Billy now! Ugh.

Jessica Simpson, with Billy Corgan in the background on December 4, 2009. Also, Jessica with Tony Romo on April 11, 2009. Credit: INF

I heard or read this rumor a few days ago, and I didn’t write anything about it because at this point, it seems like people are just picking names out of a hat and putting them beside Jessica Simpson. But things have changed… and now it looks like Jessica may actually be dating Billy Corgan, lead singer and lead guitarist for The Smashing Pumpkins. Billy is 42 years old, an indie rock god, divorced, and he used to date and live with Courtney Love. Before and after Kurt Cobain! Good Lord, I didn’t know that. What the hell do Jessica and Billy have to say to each other, for God’s sake? Jesus. This is so bizarre. Anyway, here’s the first report on their hooking up or whatever, from OK! Magazine:

Jessica Simpson has several reasons to smile this holiday season. While it may seem like her sister Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has it all right now — an adoring husband Pete Wentz, her son Bronx Mowgli and a Broadway debut in Chicago — Jessica may be catching up soon! She has a new crush that she’s very excited about!

OK! has learned that Jessica is crazy about Smashing Pumpkins front man Billy Corgan since she connected with him at a party on Nov. 6. The singer hasn’t had much luck with guys since her divorce from Nick Lachey in 2005, but she feels a connection with Billy.

“She has completely fallen for Billy and his easygoing, smart attitude,” a close friend of Jess said. “She says she wants to take things a lot further.”

On Sept. 11 Jessica tweeted, “My friend, Billy Corgan, has a pure and enlightening outlook on faith. Go to his new website!”

Her friends said Jessica has “secretly been crushing on him for months and felt there was a connection.”

Jessica spent an evening in November at a friend’s party in L.A. flirting with Billy.

“As the night went on,” an eyewitness said, “Things got more intense and they talked with their faces just inches apart.”

“We do worry that she is on the rebound,” an insider explained. “But she is a big girl and capable of making her own decisions.”

[From OK! Magazine]

Yes, Jessica likes his “smart attitude”. You know who else has a smart attitude that impresses Jessica? A rock. Mountain goats. Fruit flies. Anyway, as I said, this OK! Magazine thing was the initial report, and now Ken Baker at E! has a source confirming this sh-t! Can you believe it? The source says: “She has fallen hard and is smitten…[they are] officially dating.” The source adds that Jessica‘s close friends and family are thisclose to giving up on Jessica‘s love life: “[They think] he’s just another in an endless string of Jessica’s boyfriends. They think he’s too old for her. No one takes any of her boyfriends seriously anymore because she has had so many. They’re sick of all of them being ‘the one.’ ” Ouch. With that kind of bitchiness, I’m thinking the “source” is Ken Paves? No, no – he loves Jessica, really he does. It sounds more like Ashlee.

Billy Corgan at Bravo’s A-List Awards on April 5, 2009. Credit: WENN.com/FayesVision. Jessica in New York on December 4, 2009. Credit: JDH/JCP/WENN.com

Monday night was Ashlee Simpson’s Broadway debut, and her immediate family came out to support her. Jessica got weepy, Pete Wentz got drunk and had to pee, Mama Tina was quiet, as usual, and Joe Simpson decided to give some douchey quotes to some waiting journalists. Thank God he didn’t decide to wax poetic on Jessica’s breasts again, although the passive-aggressive force is strong with this family. Papa Joe decided he would make a pre-emptive attack against all of those people who would call his daughters “failures”. He actually used that word – “failures”. Anyway, he says “The world always want to make it look like we’re failures but we’re really just a family that works hard.” Right:

Nobody puts Joe Simpson’s babies in a corner.

At Monday’s performance of Chicago in Manhattan — where daughter Ashlee Simpson-Wentz made her Broadway debut in the role of Roxy — the Hollywood dad admitted to feeling besieged.

“We as a family are under a lot pressure,” Simpson said, adding that people want “to make us look bad and wants us to fail.”

This past year, the proud patriarch saw Jessica, 29, struggle with her weight, mourn the death-by-coyote of her beloved dog Daisy and get dumped by boyfriend Tony Romo.

(Next year she returns to reality TV with The Price of Beauty, the VH1 series set to debut in March.)

While Ashlee, 25, and husband Pete Wentz doted on baby Bronx, who just turned one, she was also recently fired from the CW’s Melrose Place.

“It was never a loss,” her father says of the Melrose burn. “The world says whatever it says. [The world], again, always want to make it look like we’re failures but we’re really just a family that works hard.”

The happy dad — who cried during Ashlee’s Chicago performance — praised both of his daughters’ ability to roll with the punches. “My children look at ups and downs and rise up above it all and remain strong…We’re just normal people, and we always try to be who we say we are.”

[From Us Weekly]

Here’s the thing: I’ll buy that some people call Jessica and/or Ashlee “failures”. I’ve seen it happen, and let’s face it, they have “failed” at certain things in their lives. We all do. They’re both resilient girls, so I get that the whole “working hard” thing is defensive for a reason. But it just seems like an odd message for Papa Joe to bring to an audience – especially given that he was at Ashlee’s big Broadway debut. And all he can think about is defending his girls from imaginary (or not so imaginary) attacks… and by doing so, he gives those criticisms legitimacy. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Papa Joe does more damage to his daughters’ careers than they do themselves. He needs to learn how to put a sock in it, at least around reporters.

Joe Simpson at Ashlee’s Broadway premiere in New York, November 30, 2009. Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Jessica Simpson at Ashlee’s birthday celebration at Wet Republic at the MGM Grand Resort Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada on October 2, 2009.

Last night was Ashlee Simpson’s big Broadway debut in Chicago. You couldn’t pay me to sit through it, but Ashlee seems to be getting average to solid reviews, and she seems to have bounced back from being publicly and rudely dumped off of Melrose Place. People were also noting how thin Ashlee looked on stage, and in life. Especially compared to sister Jessica, who showed up for her sister’s big debut. Jessica wore a cute little sequined mini-dress that showed off her epic curves – so, yeah, comparisons were made, but I won’t get into that. I think they both look fine. Twitch… okay, okay, Ashlee should eat a sandwich. That’s all I’ve got.

Ashlee Simpson will be doing Chicago for a 10-week run that ends February 7, 2010. Jessica praised her sister on Twitter, writing “Roxie was all Heart! Watching her up on that grandiose stage made me the proudest sister in the world. I love ya honey, I love ya!”

Monday night’s performance of Chicago at the Ambassador Theatre in NYC might have marked Ashlee Simpson’s Broadway debut, but it wasn’t the former Melrose Place star who was overwhelmed by anxiety — it was her big sister Jessica!

Before the curtain rose last night, Jessica admitted to her mom Tina — who sat between Jess and her dad, Joe — that she was a bag of nerves.

“She kept turning to her mom and saying she had butterflies,” one onlooker at the theater tells OK!. “It was very cute. She must have said it five times after she took her seat.”

And it looks like those butterflies might have been genetic, as Tina was overheard admitting to a friend sitting nearby that, “We’re both going to cry… We brought Kleenex.”

With only moments to go before the show, Jess even sent a frantic text to a friend saying, “She’s about to go on!!!!!! Pray!!!!!!”

Jess also sent a text over to Ashlee’s husband Pete Wentz, who was only a few seats away, presumably to offer last-minute moral support to the Fall Out Boy bassist.

According to the witness, when Ashlee took the stage as the wily Roxie Hart — a role she’d already portrayed onstage in London — Jessica gripped her mom’s arm.

At the intermission, Tina quickly left her seat, saying, “She asked me to go backstage — I always do.”

Meanwhile Jessica was beaming over Ashley’s big moment playing a part made famous on the silver screen by Renee Zellweger. “I love that she’s her own Roxie — she’s done it her own way.”

And when Pete came over to gush about Ashley, he revealed his own tactics for beating the nerves.

“I’m a little drunk,” he confessed, leaning in very close to Jessica. When she asked him if he was still nervous, Pete replied, “No. I just need to pee.”

Although it was her little sis’ evening, Jess did take a moment to reflect on other matters — those toned dancers!

“Doesn’t this show make you want to work out?,” Jessica asked a friend. “Watching those girls, I’m like, ‘I need to get in shape.’”

Meanwhile, she said that Ashlee looks “so skinny” on the stage.

When the final curtain came down and the Simpson family had finally finished their standing ovation, Jessica could no longer contain her emotions.

“I’m always so proud of my sister,” a weeping Jess confessed to OK!. “I think she frickin’ nailed it!”

Tina Simpson put her hand on Jessica’s arm and said: “She always cries!”

Now where are those Kleenex?!

[From OK! Magazine]

Aw, Jessica is so cute. But you notice that Jessica kind of made Ashlee’s night about her, right? Jessica and Ashlee’s relationship is so complicated – but I guess that’s what makes them sisters. It was cool of Jessica to show up to support her sister, especially after the lashing Ashlee took in the press after being fired from Melrose Place. Now, let’s hope that Jessica can convince her sister to stop wearing that God-awful black wig. That thing is hideous.

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz at the curtain call for her Broadway debut in the musical ‘Chicago’ at the Ambassador Theatre in New York on November 30. Pete Wentz, Jessica & Ashlee Simpson on the red carpet for the ‘Chicago’ after party. Credit: WENN.

Jessica Simpson is trying to take Perez Hilton to task. Perez posted about Ashlee “Asslee” Simpson and her son Bronx’s first birthday, which everyone was tweeting about. Perez stated at the end of the post “ Poor lil’ thing doesn’t stand a chance!!!” I think Perez was probably referencing Bronx’s unfortunate name, and maybe his unfortunate parentage. In any case, it wasn’t even the cruelest, dumbest or most ridiculous thing Perez has ever written. And yes, I hate that I’m defending Perez. It’s just that I could see myself saying something like “That poor Bronx” or “that kid has it rough”. Of course, we don’t refer to Ashlee as “Asslee”, but whatever. It doesn’t sound like Jessica Simpson was very mad about that one. Jess took to Twitter to verbally shank Perez, writing “Don’t ever attack my family again.Sad to know u hate so deeply.Sad 4 U”. Don’t ever attack your family… or what? Ken Paves will beat us with a flat iron?

Jessica Simpson is coming to her family’s defense once again.

The 29-year-old singer — who called Melrose Place “crap” after her younger sister Ashlee was canned — is now going after celeb blogger Perez Hilton, who poked fun at her nephew Bronx.

On Friday — Bronx’s first birthday — Perez wrote: “It’s been one year since Asslee pushed Bronx Mowgli through her vayjayjay and it’s all the family is talking about!”

He then ended his post by calling Bronx a “poor lil’ thing” who “doesn’t stand a chance!!!”

Simpson wasn’t amused. She Twittered later that day: “Does perez hilton..whatever his name really is..have no heart at all?Don’t ever attack my family again.Sad to know u hate so deeply.Sad 4 U”

Her spirits seemed to improve a short time later. “I challenge everyone to save up for a flt [ed note: flight] to somewhere you have always wanted to go. Get inspired beyond boundries [sic],” she wrote. “Find something waiting!”

[From Us Weekly]

Jessica is defending her family, so good for her. It seems like both Jessica and Ashlee are doing a lot of “defending” of one another lately. Is it just me, or is there a vein of passive-aggressive sister stuff in their “defense” of one another? Ashlee defended Jessica against people who criticize Jess’s weight – but by doing so, brought up the fact that Jessica isn’t as thin as Ashlee. With Jessica, I think she’s less likely to be passive-aggressive because she’s not smart enough, but I still feel like people wouldn’t have even noticed this somewhat boring comment of Perez’s if Jess hadn’t pointed it out. Ah… Papa Joe, look at what you have wrought.

Jessica Simpson entering Cecconi’s restaurant in West Hollywood, California on November 20, 2009. Credit: Fame. Perez Hilton at the AMAs, November 22. Credit: WENN.

One of the things I do like about Jessica and Ashlee Simpson is the way they always stand by each other in the press. The tabloids are often trying to paint Jessica as jealous of Ashlee, but I think that’s based more on their assumptions rather than anything that’s actually been reported by “sources.” Younger Ashlee is married with a baby. Jessica supposedly wants those same things, but that doesn’t mean she’s jealous of her sister. I think she’s happy for her and desires the same, which doesn’t inherently equate to jealousy.

Anyhoo… a few weeks ago Ashlee was fired from “Melrose Place,” supposedly for sucking at acting in a big, big way. Jessica tweeted that the show was “crap” without her sister on it. I don’t really agree – it’s (somewhat entertaining) crap with or without Ashlee, but Ashlee definitely didn’t make it good. But it’s sweet that Jessica probably genuinely sees it that way because she’s biased towards her sister and sees this talent that the rest of us don’t. Now Ashlee has returned the favor, and done so in the traditional Simpson family creepy way: by talking about how sexy Jessica is.

The Simpson ladies have been through their fair share of ups and downs this past year, but one thing they can always rely on? Each other. In fact, Ashlee, who’s reportedly set to make her Broadway debut as Chicago’s Roxy this December following the wrap of her role on Melrose Place, is defending her big sis in the December issue of Women’s Health. “My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she’s one sexy lady,” the actress, 25, says of Jessica, who’s made headlines for her weight fluctuation. “It’s disgusting that people would say those things.”

Jessica, 29, meanwhile, already returned the favor earlier this month, when she bashed the writers on her sister’s former show. “CW catching up on MP. Who writes this crap? i have had bad scripts to work with, but this? thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press,” she Tweeted.

Simpson-Wentz tells the magazine that even sudden career shifts don’t get her down anymore, especially now that her family is priority. “[Being married] made me able to share more,” she says. “Now Pete and Bronx come first. It has humbled me.”

And, as for her own body image, Simpson-Wentz adds the only person she wants to look good for is herself – and her husband, of course. “Pete isn’t worried about stretch marks,” the mother of 1-year-old Bronx says. “He always makes me feel sexy… There’s gonna be a time when I’m way curvier, and that’ll be sexy too. What defines sexy is not someone’s weight. Personally I like curves.

[From People]

I gotta tell you, while I’d appreciate the support, if my family members were constantly talking about how sexy I am (undeniably true) and how hot my body is, I’d be super skeeved out by this point. I realize it’s the Simpson way to make someone feel like they have value, but damn. In Jessica’s case it’s probably the right route – what else are they going to say, “You’re brilliant!”? And regardless of who it’s coming from, Ashlee’s right – Jessica does have a beautiful body, at any weight. Sometimes she picks some bad outfits that don’t flatter her. But even when she’s heavier, she’s still better looking than 9/10ths of the people you see walking down the street.

As People mentioned, Ashlee is definitely on as Roxy Hart in the Broadway version of “Chicago.” She’s done the role before, in London’s West End version. I’ve got to give her credit – she just keeps plugging away, and doesn’t let the “Melrose” firing become a debacle.

Here’s Ashlee on her way to the doctor on November 11th. Header of Jessica and Ashlee in Vegas on October 2nd. Images thanks to Fame Pictures .

The tabloids this week are full of stories about Jessica Simpson being pathetic. I’m kind of over that story line, but I aim to please. What’s interesting is that both the National Enquirer and In Touch Weekly basically are reporting the same kind of thing – that Jessica is depressed, morose, and falling into a deep well of self-pity. In Touch’s story revolves around Jessica’s alleged lingering feelings for (or about) Tony Romo, who is now dating Texas beauty queen Candice Crawford. IT claims Romo and Crawford are now living together, and that “It opened up an old wound for Jessica.” Because Tony never really invited Jessica to move in with him, I think. Whatever.

The Enquirer’s story is slightly less pathetic. It’s all about Jessica feeling like a “failure” because she thought she would already be married and popping out babies by this time. So she’s turning to God for help. God and Twitter. And liquor. Here you go:

With her romantic life in tatters, her career stalled and the brutal mauling death of her dog Daisy, Jessica’s loved ones are concerned that stress and heartbreak have pushed her to the edge.

“Jessica is in the grips of a life crisis right now,” divulged a family friend, “She does a great job of publicly hiding the pain, but in private she is an emotional mess. She’s so lonely that she frequently sleeps at her folks’ Encino home. Nights are the worst. Sometimes she calls her mom into the guest bedroom and asks Tine to hold her while she falls asleep.”

“She is beating herself up over poor career choices, and feels as if she didn’t give her best effort to her two-year relationship with Tony Romo or her marriage to Nick Lachey.”

Searching for answers, she’s turned to another source for inspiration – religion.

On Oct. 23, Jessica posted this on Twitter: “Everyday I am challenged to be the best version of myself. Can I do it?Yes!! Gods plan for my life is bigger than me…so is yours..believe!” Then on November 3: “This full moon is beaming through my window with grace. I am falling asleep encountering this intense moonlit dream. Thank God it found me.”

Sadly, Jessica also seems to use drinking as a crutch, say sources.

“Her family has been keeping a close eye on her alcohol consumption,” disclosed the friend. “Jess sometimes goes overboard and then gets very emotional. They want to be there to nip it in the bud before it becomes a problem.”

Jessica also fears her 30th birthday, in nine months.

“Jess hopes she would have a husband, baby and flourishing acting career by the time she turned 30… Instead, she feels like her best days are behind her.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, November 16 2009]

Damn. I say let her get her drink on. She’s had a rough year, and I don’t think she’s really some huge drunk anyway. She seems like the kind of girl who would get drunk on one margarita, spend an hour dancing with Ken Paves, then need to go home and go to bed. Hell, I’d love to go out drinking with Jessica. I bet she’s a lot of fun.