How many of you knew that Dolly Parton was on Twitter? I didn’t know before today! I could have been following Dolly for months! Damn. Anyway, Dolly’s Twitter feed is pretty f-cking cool, just like the lady herself. Classic tweets, just from the past few days, include such musings as: “Support the Cure. My friends are bowling for boobs tonight in atlanta, strike!” and “Storms make trees take deeper roots.” Unfortunately, most of the tweets seem to be written by her assistant or something, and they revolve around contests and promotional things. Ah, Dolly. Always a businesswoman. So awesome.

So Dolly tweeted yesterday: “Aahhh chiropractor… Hurts so good you lug these around and see if your back don’t hurt!” To which I can only say, “God bless you, Dolly.” I’m not alone, either. Jessica Simpson reads Dolly’s Twitter too, and she responded with and “Amen, sister!” Aw… Dolly should take Jessica under her wing.

Funny enough, Us Weekly described this Twitter situation, and then used the article to remind us once again why so many of us call Jessica’s dad “Pervert Joe”:

Jessica Simpson’s breasts have long been the center of attention.

Her father Joe raised eyebrows when he praised her assets in a 2004 GQ interview.

“Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both,” he said. “She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!”

[From Us Weekly]

That goddamn quote gets me every time. Every time I grimace. Every time I wince. It’s just so disgusting. That quote might get put on Pervert Joe’s gravestone.

And since we’re talking about the Simpson family now, I thought I’d include this little piece about Ashlee. It’s from Fox News 411, and it’s in the same vein as yesterday’s stories about the “real reasons” Ashlee was dumped from Melrose Place. Yesterday’s theories included the “Heather Locklear pushed her off” theory and the “Ashlee sucks at everything” theory. Fox News’ theory is that Ashlee was fired because she was a diva. And because she sucked.

Ashlee Simpson’s diva behavior got her booted from the CW hit ‘Melrose Place’, a source close to one cast member tells Fox411.

“Ashlee was kicked off ‘Melrose Place’ because she was a total diva on set, late all the time, and deeply disliked by fellow cast members,” the insider spills. “It created a lot of discord among the cast.”

Another big problem, says the snitch? “She could barely act.”

(If you saw her episodes, you know this to be true.)

But not being able to act and being a diva hardly set Simpson apart from many of the venerable primetime soap’s stars, both current and past. The insider tells Fox411 it was the producer’s need to bring in one of those past stars that also hastened Simpson’s swan song.

The source says producers desperately wanted Heather Locklear to reprise her role, but couldn’t afford her salary demands without cutting someone.

“They basically trimmed the fat and made it possible for Heather to join the show,” says the snitch. “Heather is a much bigger name than Ashlee.”

[From Fox News 411]

Interesting… I could see it. Ashlee seems like a “everybody treat me like I’m the most special” kind of person. Probably because no one in her family treated her like she was special. Because her pervert father was too busy studying Jessica’s boobs. Cringe.

Here’s Dolly at the Tonys in June. Images thanks to WENN.com . Header is an older photo of Dolly and Jessica together.

Now that Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has been fired from “Melrose Place” (quite possibly due to Heather Locklear taking her reprised role as scheming Amanda Woodward to heart) big sister Jessica is feeling more than free to slam the show. While she used to be its biggest fan (at least according to her Twitter), now she’s got nothing but two thumbs down for the revamped drama.

Now that her sister Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has been canned on Melrose Place, Jessica Simpson says she isn’t a fan of the CW soap. The singer, 29, used to promote her sister’s former show regularly on her Twitter (“Everyone watch my sis on melrose place tonight,” she wrote Oct. 20).

But on Sunday, she changed her tune drastically. Jessica wrote: “CW catching up on MP.who writes this crap?i have had bad scripts to work with,but this?thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press.”

According to the new issue of Us Weekly (on newsstands now), Ashlee, a veteran of TV’s 7th Heaven, was canned because producers thought she couldn’t act. “They hired her because they needed a good name to help create buzz,” a set insider told Us Weekly. “But she was embarrassingly bad. Producers cut her down as much as possible.”

Seconds another source: “She’s the worst actress, but nobody will tell her.”

[From Us Weekly]

I could go off about how dumb and naïve Jessica is, but frankly I like that she’s unconditionally supportive of her sister. It’s nice when your family loves you so much that you can do no wrong. Well, to an extent. But Ashlee’s bad acting definitely falls under the family umbrella. They all probably think she’s amazing and super talented, and I think that’s sweet.

All that said, getting kicked off “Melrose” supposedly hasn’t taught Ashlee any lessons about her acting skills. Us Weekly mentioned that she doesn’t want to return to singing, that she’s been spending most of her time going over scripts, and that “‘acting is her focus now.’” God save us all. I was only able to sit through the show a time or two, but watching Ashlee’s scenes was excruciating. She was so bad it actually made me feel awkward and uncomfortable, and I had to stop watching. If she’s really got her little heart set on acting, I’d say she should probably set her feet in motion towards a good acting class. Or seven.

In case you’re interested, here are some priceless pics of Jess at Halloween. Maybe it’s me, but it looks like her left boob is trying to go drastically different places from her right one.

Here’s Jessica Simpson with a bindi design on her forehead in Mumbai, India on October 27th. Images thanks to Fame Pictures .

Sometimes I feel like the Mother Superior in The Sound of Music. Especially when I’m looking at or reading about Jessica Simpson. “How do solve a problem like Jessica?” Anyway, I do get tired of tsking-tsking Jess, but she keeps on arousing my pity nerve. This week, it’s this interview Jessica did with Extra. She was asked what three things she looks for in a guy. The first one was an obvious one – she’s looking for “spirituality”. Now, call me crazy, but I’ll buy that. Jessica is looking for someone she can to church with. Her faith is important to her. I have no problem with that. The second quality she’s looking for in a man: intellectualism. Seriously. Because she “can bore easily”. Seriously! The third quality she’s looking for? Artistry. Because she once dated Johnny Knoxville?

When asked about the three things she looks for in a guy, Simpson, 29, tells “Extra,” “I definitely love a spiritual man — somebody that is going to always inspire me.”

The singer — who split from Tony Romo in July — goes on, “I don’t want to get bored. I can bore out pretty easily, so I love intellectual men … people that will always keep me intrigued.”

“And, you know, I love artistic men — somebody that really understands their art,” adds Simpson, who dated musician John Mayer and was married to Nick Lachey.
“I like a confidant man,” she asserts.

Simpson says traveling the world for her new VH1 show, “The Price of Beauty,” was exactly what she needed after calling it quits with Romo.

“I couldn’t have had this journey at a better time in my life — to seek out beauty, to seek out confidence, and to seek out the power of a woman.”

Simpson — who has faced criticism for her fluctuating weight — also tells “Extra” she’s finally comfortable in her own skin.

“It really is about who I am and what I want to become, and what’s going to make the best version of myself,” the singer says.

She continues, “What people say about me… all that stuff is not really important.”

[From Extra via Huffington Post]

You know I love me some Jessica Simpson. I wrap myself in her sweet, dumb, clueless words and I feel better. But my girlfriend is kidding herself if she thinks she needs an “intellectual” man. Because while an intellectual man might nail her, and might even date her for a short time, even the kindest, most patient intellectual guy is going to have his fill of Jessica pretty quickly. However, I do like that Jessica is at least striving to move away from dumb guys and the parade of a-holes that she usually attracts.

Here is Jessica Simpson leaving India yesterday – she’d been visiting the country as part of her VH1 reality show The Price of Beauty. While filming, Jessica apparently had a great time. She got a henna hand tattoo, attended parties and (my guess) probably hooked up with at least one cute Indian boy. Maybe I’m alone, but I love henna tattoos (fun!) and I love the whole henna-on-the-hands thing. I’ve played with enough henna kits to appreciate the artistry of these kinds of intricate, beautiful designs. And it looks like Jessica appreciates it too!

Jessica Simpson has some new body art.

The singer, 29, showed off a Henna tattoo Tuesday as she returned from a trip to India, where she was shooting her upcoming VH1 reality show, The Price of Beauty.

“The intricate Mehndi designs are typically Indian, and made with a turmeric paste,” her rep tells London’s Daily Mail of the singer’s new ink. “They’re worn at wedding ceremonies and are supposed to bring good luck to eligible single women in India. It’s a big style statement too. The really intricate designs take hours to apply by hand using just a brush. The artists are very skilled.”

During her trip to India, Simpson also got a bindi dot on her forehead as she hit a Bollywood party at the capital’s glitzy Vie Lounge earlier this week. Simpson was a guest of Neha Dhupia, the Indian beauty ambassador on the singer’s show.

India is just another spot Simpson has visited as she films her show, which documents what beauty means in different cultures.

[From Us Weekly]

Of course Jessica brought her BFFs Ken Paves and Cacee Cobb with her to India. She even tweeted hilarious pictures – I’m telling you, all of you should be reading Jessica’s Twitter. She’s so funny. In this one, Jessica notes that Ken (who is naked in the picture – ew) “is sure proud of caceecobb and her bollywood bunz”. In another one, from the airport, Jessica and Ken ham it up in front of a big ad with feet. They’re so cute together. I bet Jessica sort of wishes she could marry Ken. Now for the question that’s ricocheting through my mind – Why was Ken naked in that picture?

Jessica and Ken Paves

One of the big stories yesterday was the alleged “date” between Gerard Butler and Jessica Simpson. Everything originated from Page Six, who had a source who claimed, “They were at a table with friends, but Jessica and Gerard, who sat next to each other, seemed to only be interested in each other and chatted for hours. They were laughing and flirting and eventually left together, along with Ken [Paves].” As many know, Ken Paves is totally Jessica’s gay BFF. I don’t mean that in any kind of coy frenemy way, I really do think Jessica and Ken love and adore each other, and I think they have a very genuine friendship. I’m not sure what it means for Jessica’s chances for getting laid, but I’d like to think that Ken would be able to read her signals and gracefully exit if it looked like she and Gerard needed some alone time.

Since Page Six broke the story, nearly every media outlet spent Thursday playing catch up and trying to through together as many anonymous quotes as possible. People Magazine had one of the bitchiest quotes, in my opinion. The “source” sounded like a woman scorned by Gerard. The source said: “I’m never surprised to hear that Gerard is with someone new. None of those relationships last. Certainly he’s not planning on settling down with Jessica Simpson … Gerard plays the field … and Jessica is lonely … and she lost weight and is looking good. Every time you hear about him out with someone, he’s flirting and ‘cozy’ with them and making googly eyes at them. Maybe that’s just what he does with everyone. Maybe that’s just how he is.” Bitchy, yes? I don’t know why the “source” didn’t just cut to the chase and say, “Gerard flirts with everyone, even fat girls like Jessica.” Which he does, by the way. Gerard is an equal opportunity horndog.

Other sources claimed some kind of variation on the “they’re probably just casual friends, I dunno, maybe sexy times?” Us Weekly’s “source close to Jessica” claims, “There is nothing romantic there at all.” Meanwhile, Radar had an interesting (and maybe true) take on the background of the dinner date. Radar claims that Gerard and Jessica were introduced through Jessica’s makeup artist Jeanna Robinette, who is apparently friends with Gerard (translation: he nailed her). Radar gives us this too: “They all had dinner together last week, too.” Hm… two dinners in two weeks. Interesting.

What’s their couple name, by the way? Gersica? Jessard? Or When Boobs Met Moobs? I have no idea. In any case, there’s some addition news on Gersica, separately. First, Jessica: In Touch Weekly has a nice little story about how Jessica is feeling really good about herself these days. She apparently told IT: “I am happy trying to get to know myself right now. No matter how much people try to bring me down, I am always getting back up. I don’t care what you say about me, I believe I’m beautiful.” Well, that’s nice. She’s not very bright, but she’s not nasty about anything. For the most part. And she and Ken Paves are also headed to India- home of lots of eligible bachelors who will probably be utterly charmed by Jessica’s ditziness.

Meanwhile, Gerry kind of announced that he will be taking a supporting role in a film version of Shakespeare’s Coriolanus, with Ralph Fiennes as director and starring as Coriolanus. I saw this play many years ago at the Washington D.C. Shakespeare theatre and I loved it. I bet Ralph will do a good job with it, although he is a little too old for the lead. But whatever, two of my favorite men in the same movie! Hurray! William Hurt and Vanessa Redgrave have also signed on. Excellent. Jessica won’t get the story, though.

Header photo of Jessica and Ken Paves is from Jessica’s Twitter.

This junk is crazy. Although not really, because it makes some kind of strange sense to me. According to Page Six, Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler (NO!) had a “date” Tuesday night. The “date” was apparently a group of friends going out to dinner, but Page Six has a source who notes that Jess and Gerry (cute) sat next to each other and were very, very friendly. Here’s the report:

Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler had a date at Soho House Tuesday night, with friends including her hair stylist pal, Ken Paves, as chaperones.

“They were at a table with friends, but Jessica and Gerard, who sat next to each other, seemed to only be interested in each other and chatted for hours,” a spy told Page Six. “They were laughing and flirting and eventually left together, along with Ken.”

Publicists for both didn’t return calls.

[From Page Six]

Here’s the thing – I actually like both of them, even though I think Gerard is a horndog love ‘em and leave ‘em womanizer, and I think Jess is a total ditz, they make some kind of sense together, don’t they? Although, I will say, I pay attention to the women Gerard has hooked up with, has rumored to hook up with, or has talked about admiringly, and he does seem to have a type. He tends to like brunettes with great figures. I wouldn’t put it past him to go for Jessica and all of her busty blondeness, though.

As Gerard Butler’s number one fan (and I totally mean that in the creepy Misery way), I give him permission to date/nail Jessica. I think they would be cute together. I’m actually a little turned on. I bet the sex is great between them. Sigh. I wish it was me. With Gerry, not Jess. Although…

UPDATE: People Magazine is even reporting this stuff now, but they included some seriously bitchy quotes in their story that I thought I’d share. One “source” says: “I’m never surprised to hear that Gerard is with someone new. None of those relationships last. Certainly he’s not planning on settling down with Jessica Simpson … Gerard plays the field … and Jessica is lonely … and she lost weight and is looking good. Every time you hear about him out with someone, he’s flirting and ‘cozy’ with them and making googly eyes at them. Maybe that’s just what he does with everyone. Maybe that’s just how he is.” Shut yo’ mouth, “source”! The source sounds like one of Gerry’s bitter exes, doesn’t she? Jessica is not “lonely” – no one can be lonely with their gay BFF around!

Jessica Simpson is shown on 10/13/09. Gerard Butler is shown on 10/19/08. Credit: WENN.com

Sometimes I hate boys. Not men, mind you, boys. Boys that are all grown up with big-boy suits and big jobs at an advertising agency. Boys that think it’s hilarious to green light a cartoon ad mocking Jessica Simpson as fat. F-cking jock pr-cks. On Sunday’s Fox NFL Sunday, a cartoon sponsored by Burger King aired. According to Us Weekly, “In the clip, an animated version of Dallas Cowboys starter Marion Barber remarked, ‘Man, I still can’t believe Tony [Romo] dated Jessica Simpson, even AFTER she blew up bigger than Flozell Adams!’ Tight end Jason Witten says, ‘Unlike Tony, at least Jessica comes up big when it counts!’ Even Cowboys coach Wade Phillips chimed in: “Say Tony, is Jessica around? We could use a defensive tackle!’” Ugh. F-cking disgusting. God, I loathe this sort of jock-y, nasty humor where it just seems like men are bigger, snottier, bitchier, and nastier then the biggest Queen Bee high school girl.

Anyway, would you like some nicer Jessica Simpson news? She’s given a couple of interviews recently, and she’s seems to be in a good place considering her horrible year. Jessica spoke to People Magazine about getting back into the dating pool following her breakup with Tony Romo, and what she’s learning on her international adventure filming The Price of Beauty:

While the now-single Jessica Simpson may have had her fair share of heartache, don’t count her out when it comes to searching for Mr. Right on the Internet.

“I have to say I’ve never tried finding love online,” Simpson – who in July split with longtime boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys Quarterback Tony Romo – told PEOPLE Tuesday at the QVC Presents FFANY Shoes on Sale event in New York City, to benefit breast cancer research and education.

Whether it’s building a relationship by emailing, chatting online or utilizing dating networks, the singer, 29, says she has no problems with finding romance and long-term friendships with the click of a computer mouse.

“I mean, anybody who can find love online, so be it,” says Simpson. As for getting her own feet wet in the online dating pool, she says, “Maybe. Who knows?”

Until such time, Simpson says she has learned the true meaning of beauty and love inspired by the women of Morocco, whom she recently met while filming her upcoming docu-series, The Price of Beauty, in the African country.

“Morocco is extremely empowering, and the women there are incredible,” Simpson says. “There was nothing repressed about the women … they carry themselves completely confidant, sexy, all-knowing, while completely covered. It’s all about what’s inside of them, and they really studied themselves. To me that is what beauty is.”

She adds, “It’s not anything about what anybody else says about you that can define what is beautiful. It’s what you define as beautiful. And that to me is pure love and beauty.”

[From People]

She should try online dating – she might meet someone really nice. I’ve been thinking for a little while that she might make a pretty good political wife. Like, a congressman’s wife, or the wife of a mayor in Texas or something. But maybe she’ll find someone decent and out of the public eye, like a doctor, or an engineer or something. Fingers crossed.

Jessica told Us Weekly that she thinks Daisy, her Malti-poo that was killed by coyotes, would want her to move on. Jessica said: “Daisy meant the world to me… I hold her memory very, very close. It was an unfortunate thing what happened. That I don’t have her every day… It’s a very hard thing to talk about. I haven’t really thought about another dog yet, but maybe sometime… she would want that.” Aw. Poor Jessica. But she sounds okay, doesn’t she? Like she’s going to get through this.

UPDATE: Early Wednesday evening, a Fox spokesperson released a statement and a general apology to “anyone who might have been offended”. That would be me, I guess. The spokesperson said: “Burger King Corp. did not have any editorial input in the creation of the animation that ran last Sunday, and no one from Burger King Corp. approved it before it aired. Upon reflection, our poor attempt at humor was insensitive and we deeply apologize to anyone who might have been offended.” A spokesperson for BK adds: “Burger King Corp. has a long-standing relationship with FOX Sports, as well as an extensive media partnership with the network. The specific content for this sketch involving Jessica Simpson was not developed or aired by BKC or any of its agencies.” So… I guess no one is going to issue a specific apology to Jessica. Whatever. Jock pr-cks.

Here’s Jessica at QVC Presents FFANY Shoes On Sale event in NYC last night. Images thanks to WENN.com .

After battling fly nets and enormous spiders in Uganda in the name of beauty (or The Price of Beauty), Jessica Simpson has returned to America. She commenced with making up for lost time by doing two big appearances over the weekend. The first was as the headliner for the annual Operation Smile Gala, held in Beverly Hills. Her outfit was a little sketchy for a gala – but I suspect Jessica was aiming for conservative and classic rather than her normal style, a buffet of T & A. Jessica gained some weight back, hasn’t she? It doesn’t really matter, I think she still looks great. Good gala hair, good gala makeup.

At the gala, Papa Joe talked up Jessica to Us Weekly - and as always, he probably did more harm than good. You know how Jessica looks a little heavier? Papa Joe says that’s because Jess went into a “fattening hut” in Uganda, because in Uganda, “fat is beautiful.” He also talks about Jessica’s valuable lessons learned about inner beauty:

As she travels around the world filming her upcoming reality show The Price of Beauty, Jessica Simpson – who underwent criticism for her weight earlier this year – is learning that “beauty starts within,” her father Joe tells Usmagazine.com.

“She’s always scrutinized by the world and [it's great] to watch her go to other countries and see women talk about what is beautiful there,” he told Us Friday at a gala in Beverly Hills for the international charity Operation Smile. “We were just in Uganda, and a beauty ambassador [there] knew Jessica’s total story about her weight and blah, blah, blah. [She said] to Jessica that it’s about who you are inside, which is the message of our show.”

Asked if he has given his daughter, 29, any advice on how to handle the weight issue, Joe told Us, “I don’t have to tell her anything anymore. She’s wise.”

He said he also brushes off any criticism aimed at Jessica or his other daughter Ashlee.

“The girls are wonderful kids who have so much to offer, and as a father, the greatest frustration in the world is that people are told who they are instead of knowing who they are,” he said. “So the hardest thing for me as a parent is to say that’s not who my child is; you don’t know the girl because she’s the same girl she’s always been. She’s with children in Uganda or children in Japan or Thailand — she has an open heart and loves these people. I think you’ll see that on our show. I think it’s the greatest show that women can experience because it’s all women all around the world talking about beauty and the message is always the same: It starts inside.”

What can viewers expect?

Jessica “becomes a Geisha in Japan,” Joe told Us. “In Uganda, we sat in a fattening hut because, in Uganda … fat is beautiful. So the bigger you are, the more beautiful you are. She was with a girl who had been in a hut preparing for her wedding for two months and 25 days on a 5,000 calorie-a-day diet.”

Next stop: Morocco.

“It’s going to be beautiful,” he said.

Jessica agreed, telling Us, “It’s going to be amazing … we’re leaving the day after tomorrow I think.”

[From Us Weekly]

Notice that even when Papa Joe is trying to make a larger point about both of his daughters, he always has to bring the conversation around to just Jessica? Yeah. Sometimes I really feel for Ashlee – it must suck for her in that family. Oh, and it was her 25th birthday on Saturday – she had a big party in Vegas. I can’t find any pictures of her dad at Ashlee’s birthday – but he was all over the Operation Smile gala.

Operation Smile has been one of Jessica’s causes for several years – I’m proud of her for sticking with it, even if she’s (maybe) not the most coherent advocate. I think her heart’s in it, though, and the organization does great work. According to its website, “Operation Smile volunteers have treated more than 130,000 children born with cleft lips, cleft palates and other facial deformities and the organization has a presence in 51 countries. In addition to contributing free medical treatment, Operation Smile trains local medical professionals in its partner countries and leaves behind crucial equipment to lay the groundwork for long-term self-sufficiency.” Good for Jessica!

Photo credit: Apega/WENN.com

A few weeks ago, Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy was taken by a coyote. This was the last piece of horrible news for Jessica’s epic bummer summer – a summer that had included her boyfriend of two years, Tony Romo, dumping her on her birthday eve. Since the break-up, Tony and Jessica seemed to be avoiding each other. Their friends (or “sources close to the couple”) have dropped juicy pieces of gossip from the last months of their relationship – everything from Tony leaving Jessica at an IHOP to Tony trying to bang all of Jessica’s friends.

So, was there anything that could reunite Tony and Jessica, however temporarily? It seems so – the Enquirer is reporting that Tony called Jessica after Daisy was taken by coyotes. Tony actually seems sweet in this story – he was even close to tears!

After Tony Romo learned that Jessica’s malti-poo Daisy had been dragged off by a coyote in Los Angeles, he immediately called Jessica to offer his support.

“Tony loved that dog, and he knows better than anyone the pain Jessica is feeling right now. He actually broke down and almost cried with her,” an insider told the Enquirer. “Tony told Jessica, ‘Call me anytime – no matter what you need.’”

Tony dumped Jessica on July 9, ending their nearly 2-year romance. After the split, Jessica turned to Daisy for comfort.

“Jessica says Daisy is her best friend,” said the insider. “After she and Tony fizzled, Jessica relied on Daisy to help keep her spirits up.”

While Jessica was touched by Tony’s kindness, the insider says it doesn’t appear the two will be reuniting anytime soon.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, October 12 2009]

Well, at least they’re not going to revisit their relationship. That’s good. It shows Jessica might be growing up a little bit. In Touch Weekly also has a small story denying all of those rumors that Jessica is drowning her sorrows in the bottle. ITW’s source says, “Of course she is sad about Daisy, but she’s not spiraling out of control… It’s so blown out of proportion. She’s not drinking excessively… she lost a member of her family but she’s moving on and working hard.” Yeah, I’ll buy that. Jessica doesn’t seem like a lush – she seems like the kind of girl who would get all giggly and happy after one beer, then be ready to go to bed. I’ll also buy that Jessica is doing fine after Daisy’s death – obviously, she’s devastated, but she’s not suicidal or anything.

Jessica and Tony are shown below on 2/14/09