We’ve all got a few things we don’t ever want to think about. Things so horrible that our conscious minds cannot handle them and they’re shoved into the back like some kind of Freudian nightmare. How many bugs crawl into your ears or open mouth while you’re sleeping. The thought of your parents having really dirty sex. Anything having to do with Carrot Top or Joe Rogan. And the worst of all: the thought of Tony Romo pleasuring himself to Jessica Simpson’s webcam stripteases. I’ll wait while you stop shuddering.

According to the ever disreputable news source The Sun, Jess keeps Tony from wandering while they’re apart by visually titillating him via what I can only hope is a super secure T1 line.

Sexy Jessica Simpson thrills her lover — by stripping on the web.

The Dukes Of Hazzard actress uses a webcam to transmit red-hot routines to Dallas Cowboys’ Tony Romo — to keep alive their romance while they are apart.

A pal said: “Jess has no problem showing Tony her favourite ‘Pussycat Dolls’ routine. She will dance in front of her camera until she makes her man happy.”

But the 28-year-old Texan, who has been dating the quarterback since November, makes sure her strips are for his eyes only.

The pal added: “Jess does get paranoid, making sure Tony doesn’t have any of his Cowboys buddies peeking in on the show.”

[From The Sun]

I’m not saying for a second that this story is true. But… IF it is and I were Tony, I’d seriously consider investing in some type of program that records webcam feeds. Because heaven forbid he gets some sort of injury and can’t play football, or maybe ten years down the line he blows all his cash – a cache of Jessica Simpson nudie footage could be worth a hell of a lot of money. I’m talking NFL retirement salary kind of money. Something tells me this is the real reason Tony and Jessica got back together. And frankly, that’s just sensible financial planning.

Here are Jessica and Tony after lunch at Dallas Primo restaurant and outside Tony’s condo in Dallas on May 26th. Images thanks to Fame.

Jessica Simpson is making the rounds doing as much publicity as she can for her upcoming country album Do You Know, which comes out September 9th. She’s on the cover of the upcoming issue of Elle magazine, and has an interview as well. Jessica prattles on about loves past and present, then gets to talking about her CD. She says that all the songs are based on something that’s happened to her (she doesn’t claim writing credit). One of the songs is about abuse, and when the reporter asks her if that song also happened, she clams up a bit but says yes.

“There’s nothing on my album that you’re gonna hear that I don’t relate to or that I haven’t experienced. Because the only way I know how to sing is from life experience.”

For instance, one of her new tracks, “Remember That,” contains the lyrics, “It doesn’t matter how he hurts you / With his hands or with his words / You don’t deserve it / It ain’t worth it / Take your heart and run.”

She’s reluctant, however, to divulge details about what led to recording such a song.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” says Jessica. “But I have definitely experienced abuse in a way that I would tell people to take their heart and run.”

[From E! News]

Well it’s not exactly the Dixie Chicks “Earl Had to Die,” in terms of the lyrics, and Jessica’s confirmation is rather vague, but it does make you wonder. By most accounts ex-husband Nick Lachey was Simpson’s first boyfriend, however on an episode of The Newlyweds she talked about someone she called her “first boyfriend” who cheated on her with Leann Rimes. The man in question ended up being Days of Our Lives actor Jensen Ackles. Most of her relationships have been pretty public, but there’s a chance she’s talking about someone else that she dated quietly for a short period of time.

Here’s Jessica going into Bergdorf Goodman on 5th Avenue in New York City on Friday. Images thanks to Fame.

Jessica Simpson’s country music crossover hasn’t been as successful as she and her record company might have hoped, despite her breasts working overtime to promote it. Not being a country music connoisseur I’m no judge, but her single seemed okay. Frankly I can never forgive her for sampling John Cougar Mellencamp on that song, or covering ‘Take My Breath Away’. The eighties should have been left in the 1980s, please!

While I’m ambivalent at best about her music, it seems that country music purists have strong opinions following her debut at the Country Thunder Festival, sharing the bill with Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert.

“I don’t know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I’m just a girl from Texas; I’m just like you,” Simpson told the crowd, according to the Kenosha News. “I’m doing what I love and dating a boy.”

High-profile boyfriend and Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo may not have been there to comment, but concertgoers were quick to offer their opinions of Simpson’s show.

“I actually like her country songs better,” Mary Grace told the newspaper. “She has a great voice, plus, she’s adorable.”

In addition to her own material, Simpson reportedly sang country covers including Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again” and Shania Twain’s “Who’s Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?” But she didn’t win over everyone.

“I just don’t hear the country in her,” said Adam Matos, from Arlington Heights, Ill. “I don’t hear the twang. She’s not good enough to be here.”

Mike Rodriguez of Lake Geneva, Wisc., seconded that opinion.

“Just because she’s dating Tony Romo it doesn’t make her country,” he said. “She doesn’t fit in with country, and I’ll have to drink a lot of beer to sit through her concert.”

Access Hollywood

TMZ reports that she walked out to a mixture of cheers and boos, which is encouraging, unless they were just cheering her hair or something.

Fortunately, Jess might have have found just the right venture for her talent. It’s innovative, it’s sexy, and it’s a proven formula for fame: a sex tape.

The alleged X-rated home movie is said to show The Dukes of Hazzard actress and her ex-husband Nick Lachey engaged in a number of sex acts.

A source told Britain’s Daily Sport newspaper: “Jessica is horrified her name and sex tape are being mentioned in the same sentence. She’s always been a girl of high morals and principles.”

According to reports the tape does exist and has fallen into the hands of the individuals responsible for leaking the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex video.

It has been claimed that they are threatening to leak the tape if Jessica does not pay an undisclosed sum of money to keep it out of the public domain.

Stuff.co.nz

This report originally surfaced in the British tabloids so it probably isn’t true, but frankly, if a husband and wife want to make a sex tape together, why not? At least then after you’ve been married 20 years and hubs tries to claim that he never gets any, you have proof that at least once he did. Of course, you should definitely make sure you have the only copy of that tape, and it’s under lock and key. If nothing else, it’s to stop your kids being scarred for life by seeing that.

Jessica has traded on her buxom and blonde image to sell everything from her music to her frangrance (timed to hit shops with her new album). While most of us like to look sexy and desirable, we’d probably draw the line at having sex on camera.

I’ve tried to find the video online, but all I can find is a removed listing on craiglist to buy it.

I’ve always felt that one of the most important lies you tell in a relationship is that you’ve only ever loved/cared about the person you’re with right then. Sure we all know the other person has been with people before us - but the polite thing to do is act like you’ve never even known love or passion until this particular partner came along. That’s my number one ingredient for a healthy relationship. And it’s worked very unsuccessfully so far.

But imagine you’re Jennifer Aniston. Sure, you’ve been with your fair share of guys, but nothing particularly odd in either direction. Then you fall for John Mayer and follow him around the world like a professional groupie. How in the world do you pretend that he hasn’t been with scads of random chicks? Especially when you find their old love letters hidden in his guitar case?

John Mayer can’t keep those pesky ex-es away. His girlfriend Jennifer Aniston found “a batch” of love letters from his ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson in his guitar case. “Jennifer was more hurt than angry at the discovery,” said a source. “The letters surprisingly were very touching and well written.” Aniston appeared to be fine after Mayer smoothed things over. Her rep called the tale “completely fabricated.”

[From the New York Post]

I don’t believe anything PR reps say anymore; and I’d much prefer to believe this story is true. The only reason I kinda sorta believe Jen’s rep is that the Post’s source claims that Jessica Simpson was able to write well. Of course they meant surprising for Jessica… that could mean anything. It could be anywhere from “less dumb” to “mediocre.”

If the story is true, I can understand why that would hurt Jen. The fact that the letters were hidden indicates that John knew they’d be upsetting and/or he shouldn’t still have them (at least as far as a new girl would be concerned). It really destroys any bit of that “I’ve never loved anyone but you” facade that’s so nice to put up. But then again, we’re talking about a guy that’s openly admitted to sleeping with his fans in the past. Nothing should really be a surprise anymore.

Here’s John and Jessica back when they were dating in 2007. Header of Jennifer Aniston leaving the Waverly Inn restaurant in New York City after having dinner with John on May 14th. Images thanks to WENN.

It would have been an epic feud. Legendary, some might say. No, not Clay vs. Liston, or Holyfield vs. Tyson, or George Foreman vs. non-grilled meat. I’m talking silicone vs. saline, bad dye jobs vs. bad hair extensions. Tofu vs. bacon, if you will. That’s right, after Pamela Anderson attacked Jessica Simpson for wearing a dumb t-shirt that said “Real Women Eat Meat,” Jess wanted to get even. She wanted revenge. She wanted an epic feud. But so-called “rational” people talked her down.

Her sassy message tee (“Real Girls Eat Meat”) may have sparked tensions with her would-be adversary, but Jessica Simpson never expected to be branded a “bitch and a whore” by Pamela Anderson. According to The Sun, Jessica was ready to “go after” the former “Baywatch” babe when she learned of the low-blow comments Pam delivered to an Australian radio station.

“She was deeply hurt and upset at the comments,” an insider told the paper. “To say Jessica is mad about it is an understatement.”

Allegedly, Jessica was ready to jump headfirst into a full-fledged Hollywood feud, until her loved ones explained who the real winner would be.

“She is disgusted at Pamela’s remarks and fully intended to go after her, until her family made her see sense,” the source explained. “Her folks told her not to make a big deal of it — as that would only get Pamela the press she’s so desperate for.”

[From MSNBC]

I am so disappointed in Jessica Simpson’s maturity. I’m not saying she was mature for wearing the shirt in the first place, but for ultimately refusing to escalate this from a fight to a feud. I’ve always thought her parents were ridiculous nincompoops who wanted nothing more than to pimp their daughters out for whatever bit of fame and money they could. But telling her to rise above Pamela Anderson? Making her look classy and composed – at least in comparison? Not giving PETA more ammunition? That’s just good parenting. And generally well-thought-out advice all the way around. I feel like I don’t even know Joe Simpson anymore. And that might be the most upsetting part of this whole debacle.

Here’s Jessica Simpson leaving Caesar’s Palace after appearing on ‘The View’ on June 25th. Header photo of Jessica Simpson during the live taping of ‘The View,’ and Pamela Anderson attending a celebrity memorabilia auction at Planet Hollywood in vegas on June 21st. Photographer: Chris Connor. Images thanks to WENN.

Jessica Simpson sure knows how to thrill. And give a good performance. Did anyone see the legendary Blonde Ambition? Straight to DVD is the way to go. No one knows how to do it up classy like Jessica. Which is why she met boyfriend Tony Romo’s parents at the swankiest joint in town: Olive Garden. Apparently free bread sticks lure even the fanciest of celebs.

Jessica Simpson, 27, met beau Tony Romo’s parents on June 27, when all of them had dinner at an Olive Garden in Janesville, Wisc. Romo, 28, who grew up in nearby Burlington, was home to play in a golf tournament.

But making a reservation at the Olive Garden surprised even the restaurant’s general manager. “We thought it was a big joke,” said Doug Belfanz. “Jessica Simpson’s not going to the Olive Garden in Janesville, Wisconsin!”

Yep, actually, she did. Simpson, wearing a casual blouse and blue jeans, walked in holding hands with Romo, who wore a T-shirt and baseball cap. Simpson had wine with her three-cheese ziti, but seemed more interested in Romo. “She scooted up next to him during the meal,” says Belfanz. “They were acting like a couple.”

After dinner, they posed for a photo with the staff and signed autographs. Sneaking out through the kitchen, Simpson complimented the chefs on the meal. “They were laughing,” Belfanz says. “It was just a big family being out.”

[From People]

When even the restaurant’s manager thinks you’re a moron for eating there, it’s probably a better idea to just go home and microwave some Hot Pockets for everyone. I’m sure that’d be equally impressive to the Romos.

I’m not certain who’s ahead in the competition between Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. Nick is stuck in a relationship with the only woman on earth who seems more vapid and dull than Jessica. But Jessica is taking her potential future in-laws to Olive Garden. It’s kind of a six of one, half dozen of the other situation.

Here’s Jessica and Tony on their way to church in Dallas on June 8th. Images thanks to Splash.

Incensed over a t-shirt the country singer wore that read “Real Girls Eat Meat,” longtime animal rights activist and vegetarian Pamela Anderson, 40, let loose on Jessica Simpson in a name-calling tirade. Anderson didn’t go for the obvious criticism and call Simpson “stupid” or “misguided,” adjectives that have been aimed at Anderson on many occasions, and she didn’t give her the benefit of the doubt about wearing a shirt with a slogan many vegetarians find offensive. Anderson called Simpson a “bitch and a whore,” but then backtracked a little, suggesting it’s ok to eat man meat, just not animal meat:

Jessica upset Pammi and all her vegetarian chums by wearing a T-shirt proclaiming: “Real girls eat meat.”

But now the former Baywatch babe has hit back with a spectacular insult.

Speaking on radio in Australia – where she’s waiting to go into the Big Brother house – the star slammed her rival buxom blonde.

Pammi blasted: “I think she is a bitch and whore.

“Actually, I don’t know if she was talking about food or men.”

She added that she is proud of not eating meat, saying: “I think it’s healthy, good for your body and good for the environment.”

[From The Sun]

I know I’ve seen video of Anderson eating uh, the other kind of meat, and she does so with relish. Our advertiser Deceiver points out that Pamela Anderson might urge us to boycott KFC for their cruel practices and give up meat, but that she has a giant leather Hermes bag that retails for around $10,000. Is it worse to advertise that you eat meat or carry around a leather purse? At least the cow was made into luxury goods and wasn’t eaten, right? It’s not like you buy a new purse worth the price of a used car a few times a week, either, so you’re limiting your cow consumption to the amount you can afford.

Hopefully this will turn into a war of the words between these two intellectually challenged blonds known more for their tabloid personalities than their haphazard careers. Maybe Simpson will shoot back something like “Well she’s a nasty has-been. Is that cow or pig, that bag she’s carrying? Both are tasty.”

Jessica Simpson is shown after her appearance on The View in Las Vegas on 6/25/08. Pamela Anderson is shown at a celebrity memorabilia auction at Planet Hollywood on 6/21/08 where she auctioned off her car - A Dodge Viper with leather seats - to raise money for PETA. They were both in Vegas around the same time, they should have hung out. It strikes me that they would have a lot in common despite their differences over eating meat. Thanks to WENN for these photos.

Right before a non-confirmed but much-reported rumor that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo broke up for a week or so, Jessica was on the cover of Glamour magazine with a gushing accompanying article in which she called the quarterback her “future husband.” When Tony split up with Jessica, her stupid overshare along with her father’s meddling ways were said to be to blame.

The two reunited just in time to attend her sister’s goth wedding together, enabling her family to cash in on the photos. Now Simpson is talking yet again about what a great guy Tony is and how much she loves him. She says she’s been with him for seven months and while there are no “wedding bells yet” she sure loves the guy.

Jessica also says she’ll return to the stands when he goes back to play for the Dallas Cowboys this season. Many fans vilified her after her presence at a game happened to coincide with Romo’s worst performance of his career. When the Cowboys lost at the playoffs, it was easy to point the finger at little blabbermouth Jessica Simpson:

JESSICA SIMPSON has blasted rumours she has split up with boyfriend TONY ROMO,insisting they are still very much in love.

The pop star is baffled by recent claims their seven-month relationship is over - but admits wedding rumours are still a little premature.

She says of the American football star, “We have been together for seven months now. I don’t know about wedding bells, but I still love him and I’m still with him.”

And Simpson reveals she will be back in the stands when Romo’s team the Dallas Cowboys kick off the American football season in September (08) - despite a hostile reception from his fans, who claimed she jinxed his performances last time around.

She adds, “When the season comes around, I’m definitely going to be at the games.”

[From WENN via Hollywood.tv]

I wish her well and all, but she should really keep her mouth shut about how long they’ve been together and how much she loves him. She should also stay well away from his games. It wasn’t fair to blame her for the Cowboy’s poor season or for Tony’s bad performance when she was in the stands, but that doesn’t mean she should start going to the games again. She’ll only continue to make her boyfriend - and herself - easy targets.

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are shown arriving at her sister Ashlee’s wedding on 5/17/08, thanks to Splash News.

Jessica Simpson has finally chosen to address a few of the rumors about her uber-controlling father Joe, who has long been blamed for the wrecking of Jessica’s marriage… and all of her subsequent relationships. Joe’s made a lot of creepy comments about Jessica’s breasts in the past, and is altogether way too involved in his daughters’ lives, especially considering their ages. But some of the rumors are pretty crazy, and Jess finally put one to rest.

Jessica Simpson opened up about her dad during a radio interview in Colton, CA at K-Frog 95.1 on Tuesday.

“There have been stories that are ridiculous,” Simpson who is promoting her new country album said. “Like my father really fit me for a training bra. Like, who believes that kind of thing!?”

The singer was on the show to promote her new country album.

“I really just wanted to showcase the talent that God has given me and I don’t believe that in pop music I ever had the chance to stand on two feet and stand firm,” Simpson said.

[From US Magazine]

I had never actually heard that rumor before – or I’ve subconsciously blocked it out – but it’s funny as all hell. As long as you assume it was made up by overzealous teenagers and bares no possibility of truth. Which is what I’m going with, because I cannot even begin to consider the other possibility.

Jessica’s country album is actually getting pretty good reviews so far. Clearly she has employed someone slightly sensible in terms of the music business. Because she’s right, there was just no way she was completive in the pop music market anymore. Even in her heyday Jessica was always a distant third to Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.

In a weird way I think Papa Joe has helped her career. She’s gotten a ton of press in the last few years, at a time when no one was writing about her career. Thank goodness for creepy underwear rumors.

Here’s Jessica Simpson leaving a recording studio and heading back to her hotel to her father in New York in May 2006. Header at the Kennedy Center Honors gala performance in March 2006. Images thanks to WENN.

Is Jessica Simpson delusional enough to think that she’s more talented than American Idol alum and current country chart-topper Carrie Underwood? Carrie is the top selling ‘Idol’ winner of all time, with both of her CDs going multi-platinum and earning three Grammy wins in the last two years. Meanwhile, Jessica’s “A Public Affair” album flopped, her movie career tanked, and she made a country album as a last resort. She’s even dating Carrie’s leftovers in the form of Dallas Cowboy Tony Romo. So when Jessica was photographed wearing a T-shirt that read “Real Girls Eat Meat”– it was perceived as an obvious dig at Underwood, who was just voted GoVeg.com’s “Sexiest Vegetarian.”

As you can see, Jessica Simpson was recently caught wearing a “Real Girls Eat Meat” T-shirt. Puhleeze!

For a gal who’s best known for her less-than-stellar brains (Chicken of the Sea, anyone?) and her ability to proportionately fill out daisy dukes, I’m gonna go on record saying that if anyone had to wear a ridiculous shirt like this, I’m glad it was Jessica—as people are more likely to follow the opposite of her lead … ya know, since she’s so well respected and all (yes, that was difficult to type without tossing in a hefty LOL). Maybe the meat-eaters of the world will be embarrassed to be categorized in the same field as Jessica Simpson.

[From the PETA Blog]

In Touch says that the rift between the two blond singers goes a little deeper. Apparently, Tony Romo was still e-mailing and texting Carrie even after he started seeing Jessica- and Simpson is still pissed about it.

“Jessica is worried that Tony still has feelings for Carrie,” an insider says. “She doesn’t want them talking.”

It also doesn’t help that the American Idol winner is her rival in the music business. “Carrie has the career that Jessica wants,” her pal explains.

But from the way things looked at the CMA Music Festival, Carrie, 25, is not a big fan of Jessica’s either. During the festival, which took place June 5-8, the two women seemed to avoid each other - even though event organizers were intent on getting them together. “They wanted Jess to introduce Carrie, or have them attend a charity event together, or maybe even do a duet to put the rumors to rest about the feud,” a CMA insider explains. “But everything that was thrown out there was rebuffed.”

[From In Touch Weekly print version, June 23, 2008]

I think it comes down to this: Jessica Simpson is a desperate fame whore who will do anything to stay relevant, even abandon her pop career and try country if she thinks people will pay attention to her. An artist like Carrie, who has been performing country music her entire life, even when appearing on the very mainstream pop ‘Idol,’ probably sees Jessica’s foray into country as an insult. As for the Tony Romo thing, any problems Jessica has in that relationship, she can thank her dad for- not Carrie Underwood. And finally, it always seems like Jessica is feuding with another girl who has the career she wants- remember how she ragged on Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera? Instead of taking digs at girls who have a better career, maybe Jessica should focus on her own sorry ass.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Jessica Simpson is shown in NY on 6/10/08 and at the CMA Music Festival on 6/6/08, thanks to WENN. You can see her in the asinine “Real Girls Eat Meat” shirt on Bauer Griffin Online.