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Sep 29
'09
Jessica Simpson finishes battling spiders & fly nets in Uganda

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Last week, we reported on the somewhat hilarious musings by dim bulb Jessica Simpson about her stay in Uganda. She was in the country to film an episode of The Price of Beauty, her VH1 series that will premiere in 2010. Jessica sent out a picture of herself pouting over some fly nets, via Twitter. Her message: “WTF?!? Do I really have to sleep like this?” Fly nets weren’t her only battle, though! One member of her entourage, her hair guy Ken Paves, decided to send out a picture of a Ugandan spider, with the tweet “Is this the Price of Beauty? Don’t let the bed bugs bite!” Yikes. That is a massive spider. Thankfully for Jess, she’s now back in America, and she’s singing a different tune about her stay in Uganda:

After roughing it in Uganda, Jessica Simpson is back home.

“I’m just now back in the US of A!!!!!” she Twittered Monday. “Home sweet delicious HOME!!!!!!!!!”

Shortly after her Maltipoo Daisy was snatched by a coyote, the singer, 29, flew to Uganda to film scenes for her upcoming VH1 show, The Price of Beauty. And the trip wasn’t easy.

At one point, she posted a photo of herself peeking out from a giant mosquito net surrounding her bed. “WTF?!?” she Twittered. “Do I really have to sleep like this?”

She and pals, hairstylist Ken Paves and Cacee Cobb, also dodged spiders during the trip.
“Is this the Price of Beauty?” Paves Twittered. “Don’t let the bed bugs bite!”

In the end, Simpson’s spirit seemed to improve.

“Uganda was truly a beautiful adventure,” she Twittered Sunday. “I will carry the spirit of all the people with me always. God Bless.”

[From Us Weekly]

Aw. I know, I know. She’s an entitled princess, she’s rude, and this whole thing has the whiff of neocolonialism. But still! I’m sure Jess did have a nice time during part of her stay in Uganda, and I’m positive she’s thrilled to be back home. Welcome home, Jess! Oh, nuts. Her dog’s still dead. Better make sure her freezer is loaded up with ice cream. She probably wants to just chill out and think about Daisy now that her fabulous fly net adventure is over.
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Posted in Jessica Simpson

Written by Kaiser         11 Comments »
Sep 25
'09
Martha Stewart apologizes to Jessica Simpson for her remarks on her lost dog

Jessica Simpson, Ken Paves

Last week after Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy was snatched by a coyote right in front of her, she received an outpouring of sympathy, but also a little bit of criticism. Jess wasn’t able to accept that Daisy was really gone, and while that’s a natural reaction, she unfortunately chose to tweet about it. Naturally that meant lots of celebrities were responding to Jessica’s loss, and Martha Stewart – being Martha Stewart and thus a corrector – said that Jessica should have been watching Daisy more closely. Now Martha’s corrected herself (possibly a first!) and offered a more appropriately empathic response.

Martha Stewart made a public apology to Jessica Simpson Thursday over the loss of the singer’s beloved dog, Daisy.

“I said that she should have been watching her dog more closely, but I feel very, very sorry for anybody that loses a pet,” the master homemaker said on The Martha Stewart Show.

Earlier this month, Stewart seemed to chastise Simpson for not looking out for her dog more carefully after Daisy was snatched by a coyote in front of Simpson’s eyes. But now Stewart has turned more sympathetic.

“Jessica, I hope you find your pet, but if you don’t, I’m really sorry that you lost one,” she added.

The loss of her dog has been hard for Simpson, who thought of Daisy almost as her child, according to friends. “Daisy was her baby,” one pal tells PEOPLE. “It’s going to put her into a tailspin.”

Another source says the singer is “really upset,” but is “focusing on work and spending time with her family and friends.”

[From People]

Martha lost two of her beloved Chow Chows within a year of each other. The first, Paw-Paw, seems to have died of natural causes. Martha displayed some sweet photos of her dog on her blog, including a photo of him wrapped in a white sheet tied with a silver bow before his burial. The second dog, Genghis Khan, died in a freak accident while being boarded in a kennel this past March. There was a propane explosion at the kennel which killed many of the dogs, and many police and the propane deliveryman were badly burned trying to rescue them. It’s a very sad story that reminds us just how dearly our pets matter, that people were willing to risk their lives like that.

I’m a little surprised that Martha ever made her original comment, considering she’s lost two dogs recently. It would have been nice if she’d said she was sorry for her insensitive comment – her “sorry” was that Jessica lost Daisy – but at least it’s something.

Here’s Jessica and Ken Paves seen arriving at Heathrow Airport in London on Tuesday. Images thanks to INF Photo.

Posted in Animals, Deaths, Jessica Simpson, Martha Stewart, Pets

Written by JayBird         18 Comments »
Sep 24
'09
Jessica Simpson on sleeping with fly nets in Africa: “WTF?!?”

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My new favorite quote (replacing last week’s “future false accusations” from Eddie Cibrian’s rep) is Jessica Simpson’s new tweet from Uganda. Jess posted this picture of herself with some fly nets, and tweeted “WTF?!? Do I really have to sleep like this?” Ah, the entitled princess. God, I love her. She’s dumb, but she’s hilarious.

Jessica in in Uganda for her VH1 series The Price of Beauty. This is her first trip since her puppy Daisy was taken by coyotes. It also seems that Jessica’s tragedy has made the cover of this week’s Us Weekly. The cover uses the words: meltdown, tragedy, heartbreak, alone, killed, crying, and weight. God, that hits all of the sweet spots, doesn’t it? They might as well just put a picture of Jessica with the words “Pathetic Girl Will Die Alone”:

Jessica Simpson is moving on.

Days after calling off the search for her dog Daisy who was snatched by a coyote last week, the star, 29, is in Uganda, Africa, filming more of her upcoming reality show, The Price of Beauty.

“WTF?!?” she Twittered Wednesday after posting a photo of herself surrounded by protective fly nets. “Do I really have to sleep like this?”

Simpson, who is in Africa with pals Ken Paves and Cacee Cobb, is “focusing on work” after the loss of her 5-year-old maltipoo, a source close to the star tells Usmagazine.com.

“She’s so happy just seeing the world and opening her eyes to what’s out there,” another source tells Us. “This is a good project for her.”

The star is also set to visit Mumbai, India, for the show, which does not yet have a premiere date.

[From Us Weekly]

I like Jessica’s optimism, and I think it’s for real. That’s why I’ve always adored her, honestly. She doesn’t really wallow in sh-t, playing the “pity poor me” card month after month. She’s not smart enough to play the media in any real way. While her friends are feeding quotes to the tabloids about how devastated and pathetic she is, Jessica just continues working and doing her normal, ditzy “WTF?!? Do I really have to sleep like this?” Lucille Ball thing, which I love. I’m rooting for her, bless her heart.

Header image from Jessica Simpson’s twitter. Image of Us Weekly cover below via CoverAwards

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Posted in Funny, Jessica Simpson

Written by Kaiser         31 Comments »
Sep 22
'09
Jessica Simpson is devastated, fragile, depressed after Daisy’s death

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Jessica Simpson is having the worst year ever, and now People Magazine, the Bible of What Celebrities’ Publicists Want You To Think, has actually written a story that makes her sound so… pathetic. First, let me say that I don’t think Jess is actually pathetic. I think she’s dumb. There’s a difference. And I do acknowledge that Jess has had one of the most craptastic years ever, from her very public weight gain, to the excessive media coverage of that weight gain; from her split with Tony Romo, to the crazy stories that came out after Tony dumped her; and everything else in between, some of it involving John Mayer, her dog Daisy being eaten by coyotes, and the failure of her country music career. There was a lot more, actually. Those are just some of the biggest crappy things to happen to Jess.

So People decided to do a story about how Jess might be in a “tailspin” and how, basically, Daisy’s death was the last straw for Jess’s fragile optimism and sanity. Daisy “gave her unconditional love” and “never betrayed her. Daisy was always there for her. This is serious. Jessica’s heart is broken.” I totally get that Jessica’s heart is broken with her dog’s death, but People is really laying it on thick:

After losing her beloved Maltipoo Daisy to a coyote attack, Jessica Simpson may be at the lowest point of her life, friends fear.

“Daisy was her baby,” one of them tells PEOPLE. “It’s going to put her into a tailspin. It will put her into the worst place ever.”

Daisy was snatched away by a coyote before Simpson’s very eyes in Los Angeles last week, and, despite Simpson’s refusal to quit searching and offer of a reward, no sign has been seen of the caramel-colored dog. She was given the dog by [her] then-husband Nick Lachey in 2004, and Jessica and Daisy became inseparable.

“She won’t leave her parents’ house,” a source says.

“Whenever things went wrong for Jessica, she reached for Daisy,” another source, a friend, says. “Daisy was her security blanket. When people let her down, she always had Daisy.”

On Sept. 19, her stylist pal Ken Paves convinced Simpson to finally leave her parents’ house. They went to Vino in Encino, Calif., for an attempt to perk her up.

“Jessica seemed okay, but wasn’t smiling much,” an onlooker says. “The wine made her relax a bit, but it was still obvious that she was having a devastating week.”

Daisy was perhaps one of the most pampered pets in Hollywood. Simpson fed Daisy steak, not dog food, and referred to herself as “Daisy’s Mommy.” When leaving the house, Simpson left on the air-conditioning for her dog; and when Daisy was sick, Simpson refused visitors so that they wouldn’t wake Daisy. She threw Daisy birthday parties, and when she talked about having a “girls’ night in” with a video, she was talking about herself and Daisy.

“Jessica has a very small inner circle,” the friend said. “But she always had Daisy. Daisy gave her unconditional love.”

And, unlike some of the men in her life, the friend added, “Daisy never betrayed her. Daisy was always there for her. This is serious. Jessica’s heart is broken.”

Whenever she was out at night, Simpson called home and had “someone put Daisy on the phone so she could say goodnight.”

“Daisy ran the household,” the friend said. “If Daisy didn’t like you, you were gone. Sometimes if her regular hair and makeup people weren’t available and Jessica had a sit-in, if Daisy didn’t like them, they wouldn’t be back. Daisy ran the roost.”

When Simpson was having relationship problems, “she would cry herself to sleep at night, using Daisy as a pillow.”

It won’t be easy to find a replacement, another friend said.

“Jessica is very needy. She is very clingy,” the friend said. “She is so sweet, but sometimes because of that she’s hard to be around. It’s not always easy. She hates to be alone. That’s what happened with [ex-boyfriend and Dallas Cowboys quarterback] Tony [Romo]. Jessica smothers people. She doesn’t really have any hobbies. Daisy was exactly what Jessica needed.”

Another source close to the actress dismisses the possibility of a tailspin as “silly,” but notes Simpson “did love (Daisy) like she was family.”

All of the sources agreed on one point: It’s been a tough year for Jessica Simpson.

“I want her to catch a break,” the first friend said.

[From People]

What kills me is that I bet this article started out as some puff piece, totally sympathetic to Jessica. When the writer started contacting Jess’s friends, they just went out of their way to make her sound like this total mess of a girl. Like the Calamity Jane of inter-personal (and inter-species) relationships. So… does Jess really “smother” people? Is she clingy and needy? Maybe. Once again, I don’t really think it’s an issue of being pathetic. I think she’s just not very bright. She should get another dog, and take up a hobby that isn’t too complicated. Like Solitaire.

Jessica Simpson is shown in the header on 9/3/09. She is also shown on 9/21/09 at LAX airport with Ken Paves (not shown). Credit: MATINGAS/bauergriffinonline.com
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Posted in Animals, Depression, Jessica Simpson

Written by Kaiser         39 Comments »
Sep 18
'09
In Touch: John Mayer & Jennifer Aniston’s secretly hooking up

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We’re prefacing this story with the fact that it’s from In Touch, because you know that means that it falls somewhere between complete bunk and hearsay. In Touch adds some details that give this story some legitimacy, but they also had a date and details of a supposed meeting last November where Angelina Jolie announced a pregnancy to producers of her film Salt, and we know that never happened.

According to In Touch, John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are still hooking up secretly, and John’s other on-again booty call, Jessica Simpson, doesn’t know about it. All Aniston has to do, they say, is crook her finger and Mayer will drop Simpson again (and probably get tired of Aniston in a few days once she’s fully available to him).

As In Touch recently reported, Jessica [Simpson] has been sneaking around with John [Mayer] ever since getting dumped by Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo just a day before her 29th birthday in July. “John told Jessica that she’s his soulmate,” an insider says, “and she fell for it.”

But little does she know that John, 31… has his eyes on another prize – another ex, Jennifer Aniston…

According to a source, John has been secretly seeing Jen – and during the weekend of September 5, “they spent the night together after Jen returned to LA, just before John took off to New York. It was a totally private date at the spur of the moment.”

While the rendezvous may have been spontaneous, John’s plan to win Jen over again has been carefully crafted. “He’s desperate to get back with her. He wants her more than ever,” says a pal. In addition to telling Jen, 40, that he loves her and he was a fool, Jon’s exploiting her weakness and promising that he wants to have babies with her…

While Jen contemplates getting back together with John, Jessica could be setting herself up for a heartbreak if she continues seeing him. “He doesn’t see anything more than sex in the relationship,” says the insider. “The second Jen says she’s ‘in,’ he’ll drop Jessica and be gone.”

[From In Touch, print edition, September 28, 2009]

As Kaiser has pointed out a few times, John was quick to deny dating Kristin Cavallari but hasn’t said a darn thing about a renewed relationship with Jessica Simpson. That’s not like him not to run his mouth off and twitter incessantly about something, and I bet he is seeing her again on the sly. It sounds like him to try and win Aniston back again too, but it’s not like he would be pining for either of them if this is true – he just wants to know that he can have them again if he wants. Once the deal is sealed he quickly loses interest.

Maybe the very tragic loss of Jessica’s dog will help her re-evaluate her life and cut Mayer out of it for good. She doesn’t deserve to be anyone’s booty call if she expects more out of a relationship. I also hope that Aniston has better sense than that, but like the characters she plays in those romcoms she seems a little foolish in love. Hopefully she’s not this foolish, and this story is fiction.

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are shown at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party on 2/22/09. Credit: WENN.com

Posted in Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, John Mayer

Written by Celebitchy         39 Comments »
Sep 17
'09
Jessica Simpson calls us a-holes, calls herself Daisy’s mom

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Jessica Simpson thinks we’re a-holes. And by “we” I mean “anyone who has sympathy for her but acknowledges that her puppy isn’t coming back”. After news broke of Jessica’s puppy Daisy being taken by a coyote, she got overwhelming public sympathy. Her statements that day gave the impression of a woman mourning the loss of a beloved pet. Unfortunately, yesterday it was revealed that Jessica was still holding out hope that little Daisy would be found alive, and that Jessica was working with the organization Find Toto to send out a doggie-style Amber Alert for Daisy. Yesterday, I wrote: “Oh, this is too sad. Isn’t someone going to tell Jessica that her dog is gone? I know it hurts, I know it sucks. But why drag it out? It’s just tragic, especially considering Jessica saw the coyote with Daisy – it’s not like Daisy simply went missing. I don’t care how ‘fast’ Daisy is, that coyote is going to eat her.”

Now Jessica has called me out, and called out anyone who is all “Poor Jessica, her poor puppy is dead, and it would be better for her to acknowledge it.” Jessica tweeted to us: “Still holding out hope despite the a–holes that say is it a dumb thing to do. Daisy is my baby … why would I stop searching? I’m a mom”. Aw… damn it! Now I feel like such a bitch.

Cynics would say that a maltipoo snatched by a hungry coyote on Monday probably wouldn’t be alive on Thursday, but Jessica Simpson isn’t giving up hope of seeing her beloved Daisy again.

“Still holding out hope despite the a–holes that say is it a dumb thing to do. Daisy is my baby … why would I stop searching? I’m a mom,” she wrote on Twitter Wednesday night.

By Wednesday, a dog-finding service, FindToto.com, had been making calls to some 1,000 of her neighbors asking if they’d spotted any sign of the missing Daisy. She also created a sign offering a reward for her dog’s return.

On Tuesday night, however, she apparently took at least a one-hour break from searching and grieving.

“Everyone watch my beautiful sister be a creepy b—h on Melrose Place tonight!!!” she wrote on Twitter at 10:10 p.m. “Tune in! xo”

[From People]

I consider myself my puppy’s mom too – he’s my little (100 pound) fur baby, and I would be devastated if a coyote attacked him. Although my puppy would give that coyote a run for his money – he’s quite the hunter! I’m such a proud mama. Anyway, I think the situation is 95% sad and 5% funny – funny because Jessica has taken to Twitter not only to perhaps contact the coyotes who abducted her dog, but she’s also using Twitter to defend herself against us “a–holes” who are trying to gently convince her that all is lost. My heart still goes out to her. She really did love her baby. Please, Jess, don’t call me an a–hole anymore. I’ll do better.

Guess what other “a–hole” is chiming in on Jess’s lost/dead dog? Martha Stewart! Martha told Us Weekly last night that the coyote attack was “pretty sad.” Then Martha became an a–hole. She continued, “She should have watched it more closely, though. She should have been more careful.” It seems Martha met Daisy when she and Jessica worked on a commercial for Macy’s. Martha’s advice to Jessica is: “Get another dog…I think it’s very important to get another dog, someone else to love. You just have to find the dog that’s the right match for you.” Expect Jess’s Twitter reaction soon, a–holes.

Here’s Jess with Daisy in Dallas in May 2008. Images thanks to Fame Pictures .

Posted in Animals, Jessica Simpson, Martha Stewart

Written by Kaiser         38 Comments »
Sep 16
'09
Jessica Simpson got a doggie Amber Alert service for Daisy

Jessica Simpson and Tony back in Dallas after New Years in Miami

As we reported yesterday, Jessica Simpson’s sweet little fur baby Daisy was “taken” by a coyote right in front of her eyes at her Calabasas, California home. When the coyote grabbed Daisy, Jessica Twittered the drama, writing “A coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!” Some chose to snark a little about how coyotes don’t have Twitter accounts (funny, y’all), while others seemed to have genuine sympathy for Jessica’s ordeal. While I kind of thought Jessica had acknowledged that Daisy had about a 99.9% chance of being coyote food, it seems I jumped the gun. Sources tell TMZ that Jessica thinks there’s a chance Daisy could be out there, because her little Malti-Poo is a “fighter” and may have escaped. And now Jessica has even gotten FindToto involved – an organization that’s basically like the “Amber Alert” of pets:

Jessica Simpson is determined to find Daisy, her five-year-old maltipoo that was snatched by a coyote outside her Los Angeles home Tuesday.

In addition to posting the pooch’s disappearance on Twitter, she’s also working with professional pet finders FindToto.com, Colleen Busch, the company’s director of public relations, tells Usmagazine.com.

“We’re kind of an amber alert for missing pets. We took the address of where Daisy went missing and we used that as a bullseye,” Busch tells Us. “We called 1,000 neighbors in the surrounding area [Wednesday morning] and sent out a 30-second message with details about Daisy and her disappearance, and details on how to get in touch with Jessica’s assistant.

Busch says the company — which also helped Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio find her missing pooch — “thinks Daisy might be injured. The calls get people on high alert to check their back yard, check under their deck.” (Celeb dog trainer Jennifer McCarthy told Us Tuesday she feared the pup, a gift from Nick Lachey, had been eaten.)

Normally, FindToto.com would charge $175 for the service, but they offered to help the singer for free, Busch says. Simpson, 29, is grateful.

“She emailed us to tell us, ‘Thank you.’ I think it’s been a devastating experience for everyone in her camp,” Busch says. “It sounds very upsetting. She was very appreciative and thankful we offered to help.”

[From Us Weekly]

Oh, this is too sad. Isn’t someone going to tell Jessica that her dog is gone? I know it hurts, I know it sucks. But why drag it out? It’s just tragic, especially considering Jessica saw the coyote with Daisy – it’s not like Daisy simply went missing. I don’t care how “fast” Daisy is, that coyote is going to eat her. And, by the way, why isn’t Jessica being charged for FindToto’s service? She can afford it. Probably because FindToto is getting a lot of free advertising off of Daisy’s tragic death. Aw… poor Jess.

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo back home in Dallas from Miami date

Posted in Animals, Jessica Simpson

Written by Kaiser         39 Comments »
Sep 15
'09
Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy was taken by coyotes

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Jesus, can anything go right for Jessica Simpson? After spending the summer recovering from being dumped by Tony Romo, and probably being the easy lay of John Mayer, Jessica has just been hit with another blow. Her beloved Malti-Poo Daisy was absconded by coyotes right in front of her eyes! Daisy was given to Jessica by Nick Lachey, when they were together, so I think that makes Daisy around five years old. Jessica has already made posters asking people to contact her if they find Daisy, or if they have any information, but Jessica realizes that her dog is most likely dead:

Jessica Simpson says her “heart is broken” over her missing 5-year-old maltipoo Daisy.

On her Twitter page, she writes: “A coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!”

Posters of the pooch have already surfaced in the singer’s Calabasas, Calif., neighborhood. “Reward offered,” they read.

Daisy was a gift given to Simpson, 29, by ex-husband Nick Lachey several years ago. The singer rarely travels without the dog.

Fans consoled the singer, who was just in Rio de Janeiro shooting her VH1 reality show The Price of Beauty, on Twitter.

“My heart hurts for you,” one wrote. “I’m an animal lover and it’s like losing a family member.”

[From Us Weekly]

Poor Jess. I’m an animal lover too and even though I don’t care for small dogs, I acknowledge that Daisy was a cutie and that Jessica adored that dog. Coyotes are a huge problem in California, especially for domesticated animals. With modern urban sprawl – especially in Southern California – coyote attacks have become more frequent as their habitats are threatened. It’s very sad for animal lovers, and I really do feel badly for Jessica.

Jessica and Daisy are shown on 9/21/05, credit: WENN.com, and 10/9/08, credit: Fame Pictures

Posted in Animals, Jessica Simpson

Written by Kaiser         76 Comments »
Sep 11
'09
John Mayer “closed the deal” on Jessica Simpson with little effort

Jessica Simpson at the beach in Brazil

Call me crazy, but I’m starting to think John Mayer has been nailing Jessica Simpson ever since Tony Romo dumped her. The most important evidence has been staring us in the face this whole time – namely, that John Mayer hasn’t issued one word, one denial, one confirmation, one peep about Jessica since she and Tony split. This from a guy who can’t take a dump without tweeting the size and color, so you know Jessica didn’t just slip his mind. Jessica is totally having rebound sex with John, and John is feeling a mixture of shame, pleasure, pity and lust. Thus, he’s been keeping quiet.

Mayer was in the news this week for two reasons – first, the rumor exploded that he had been quietly hooking up with reality star Kristin Cavallari. John denied this within a day, dusting off his keyboard to “amuse” us with this: “How do I put this like a gentleman…I have never high fived Kristin Cavallari with my pen*s.” Stay classy. That report came out the same day as In Touch Weekly’s cover story “Jessica Simpson’s Desperate Hookup”… with John. Not one word about it from John. So let’s just take every word of the full cover story as gospel, shall we?

[Insecurity, desperation and loneliness] has led Jessica down a dangerous path… secretly hooking up with John Mayer. Ignoring her friends’ warnings that the notorious player will just use her and then break up with her again, Jessica has jumped headfirst into a relationship with the singer.

“Jessica is kidding herself that her and John stand a chance… he is a master manipulator. He swooped in as soon as she and Tony broke up, while she was vulnerable. John kept telling Jessica he couldn’t get her out of his head.”

“He previewed his new album for her. The focus of the record is relationships, and why they end so badly, so the subject matter hit home for Jessica, who so miserable about Tony. It wasn’t hard for John to close the deal after that. He was easily able to seduce her, and he sees nothing wrong with that.”

John also sees nothing wrong with dating other women while he’s sleeping with Jessica. Mayer partied at a pal’s house where several hot girls surrounded him. “he made out with two of them and was having a blast… but he was a jerk. He kept grabbing them saying, ‘You’re property of John Mayer’ like they were objects. It was really disgusting.”

Jessica knows that John can be cruel. Not long after he dumped her (the first time), he wrote a cryptic, hurtful message on his blog that was reportedly aimed at her. Jessica knows he could easily humiliate her again. “He seems to get off on leading her on and then refusing to take her calls.”

“Jessica has gotten involved with John way too soon after things ended with Tony. Tony was a guy she was ready to marry, and that’s not what she has going on with John right now. He’s all about their sexual chemistry and is not talking marriage.”

“Jessica is taking it slow… she won’t even go public with him for fear of being embarrassed again.”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition, September 21 2009]

Ugh. This report might have pushed John Mayer over the edge from “douche” to “sociopath”. Who grabs girls and tells them “You’re property of John Mayer”? What guy gets turned on by humiliating women? What guy is so content to play these little “I-want-you-no-I-don’t” games for years? What guy swoops in on a really vulnerable girl and seduces her right after she’s been dumped? But we’re supposed to think he’s cute, right? Gross, gross, gross.

Jessica Simpson at the beach in Brazil

Jessica Simpson at the beach in Brazil

Posted in Gross, Hookups, Jessica Simpson, John Mayer, Sex

Written by Kaiser         80 Comments »
Sep 11
'09
Judge throws out lawsuit against plagiarizing Jessica Seinfeld, cites pretty pictures

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I don’t want to report this story, because it’s so clearly a travesty of justice that it makes my blood boil. In April, 2007, Missy Chase Lapine published a book called The Sneaky Chef with recipes for hiding healthy foods into kid-friendly favorites like grilled cheese with sweet potato, and brownies with spinach. Lapine is on the faculty of The New School in NY City and is the former publisher of Eating Well magazine. In October, 2007, Jessica Seinfeld published a book called Deceptively Delicious, also about sneaking foods into kids’ meals. In fact Seinfelds recipes, the concept for her book and many passages are strikingly similar to Lapine’s.

Most of the recipes have the exact same basic ingredients in the same unlikely combinations
Most recipes had the exact basic same ingredients, like “mashed potatoes with hidden cauliflower, grilled cheese with secret sweet potatoes, green eggs made with pureed baby spinach, carrot-laced tacos” and even “avocado in chocolate pudding.” There’s even more cited in Lapine’s legal filing, there’s peanut butter and jelly muffins with carrots, meat sauce with sweet potato, chicken tenders with sweet potato and chocolate chip cookies with white beans. Jessica Seinfeld’s professional background includes a career in marketing before she became Mrs. Jerry Seinfeld, having left her husband of less than a few months for the rich comedian after meeting him at the gym. She swears she loves to cook though.

Publisher admits receiving Lapine’s manuscript first
What’s more is that the publisher of Seinfeld’s book, Harper Collins, admits to receiving a manuscript of Lapine’s book at least twice before Seinfeld’s book was pitched to them by Seinfeld’s agent. Her book agent was Jennifer Rudolph Walsh of The William Morris agency. Walsh was involved in another plagiarism scandal when it came out that her college coed client Kaavya Viswanathan, had plagiarized large portions of her debut novel, How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life. Viswanathan had received a 1/2 million advance for the book.

Judge cites better graphic design and layout of Seinfeld’s book
Lapine sued Seinfeld for copyright infringement in January of last year. After reading Lapine’s filing, I was pretty sure it was slam dunk. A federal judge has now stupidly thrown out the case against Seinfeld, but in her ruling she pretty much admits that she didn’t actually consider the vast similarities in the text or the recipes of the two books and cites the pretty pictures and graphic design in Seinfeld’s book as evidence that it doesn’t infringe on Lapine’s trademark. That’s justice for you. Do you think the Seinfelds made sure they got that specific judge to rule on their case?

The slander case against Jerry Seinfeld by Lapine still stands, though, and the judge threw it down to a state court. She can’t sound too biased now, can she? Seinfeld compared Lapine to a serial killer and called her a wacko when discussing her suit against his wife on The Late Show. Jessica Seinfeld called Lapine jealous and swore she’d never “held the book” in her hands.

A federal judge Thursday tossed out a cookbook author’s claim that comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s wife was a culinary copycat when she came out with her own book explaining how to entice children to eat vegetables.

U.S. District Judge Laura Taylor Swain threw out the lawsuit brought against the Seinfeld couple by Missy Chase Lapine.

The judge rejected Lapine’s claims against Jessica Seinfeld, saying that the books, both best sellers, were not similar except for their goal of hiding healthy food inside the favorite meals of children.

She called Lapine’s book “a dry, rather text-heavy work” done predominantly in black, gray and shades of brownish-orange. She said Seinfeld’s book was “bright and cheerful, full of different colors and various patterns.” Consumers who looked at each book were unlikely to be confused, the judge said, tossing out trademark infringement claims.

However, the judge declined to rule on Lapine’s claim that Jerry Seinfeld libeled her on David Letterman’s show last year when he noted her three names and joked that people with three names – including James Earl Ray and Mark David Chapman – have turned out to be assassins.

She said those claims did not belong in federal court but should instead be filed in state court, where Lapine’s lawyer, Howard Miller, said he planned to bring them.

“They are still very much alive,” he said of the slander claims, along with claims against News Corp.’s HarperCollins that the publisher misappropriated information from Lapine’s book when it rejected her proposal in February and May 2006. Miller said the decision hasn’t been made on whether to appeal Swain’s rejection of all claims against Jessica Seinfeld.

[From AP via The Huffington Post]

In case you have any doubt that the judge was somehow under the Seinfeld’s thumb, she went and trashed Lapine’s earlier work calling it “dry” and “text heavy.” Oh yeah, it wasn’t plagiarism because Seinfeld hired a graphic designer. Here are some comparisons between the text in the two books, taken from Lapine’s legal filing on The Smoking Gun. These are not the only comparisons, there are other vast similarities:

Multiple wording, organization and concept similarities

Jessica Seinfeld’s infringement consists of copying Lapine’s copyrighted original expression, philosophy, premise, approach explanations, discussions, reflections, organization, methodology and overall look and feel, including (without limitation) the following respects:

Both the Book and the Infringing Work contain introductions written by doctors calling attention to the growing problem of obesity in American children and the difficulties inherent in providing sound nutrition to resistant children, and praising the author for creative, clever and convenient solutions for parents….

Both the Book and the Infringing Work begin with the author’s personal anecdote of mealtime struggles with her own picky eaters. In fact, both works include a story about how one of the author’s children is a picky eater who influenced a non-picky sibling to dislike food. Specifically, within that anecdote:

  • The Book describes “begging, pleading, threatening and bribing,” as well as “coercing kids to eat what’s on their plates.”
  • The Infringing Work describes “begging my kids to eat vegetables as well as “coerc[ing] them to eat food they found disgusting.”

    Both the Book and the Infringing Work explain that the author is not a professional chef, just a mother who desires to have peace at the dinner table and to feed her children nutritious food. Both works discuss how the author overcame the guilt of tricking her kids into eating healthy food:

  • The Book states that “this method has brought peace to our family table,” that “[i]n many families, the dinner table because a battleground and meal time is a power struggle,” and that “I couldn’t use logic, but I couldn’t afford to give up either.”
  • The Infringing Work states: “I just wanted a little peace around the dinner table,” and continues, “I want my kids to associate food and mealtimes with happiness and conversations, not power struggles and strife.” The Infringing Work acknowledges, “[W]e just want to give up.”…

    Both the Book and the Infringing Work address arguments against “sneaking” vegetables into children’s dishes and then systematically refute each one.

  • The Book likens the practice to a form of “loving deceit.”
  • The Infringing Work likens the practice to a form of “[l]oving [d]eception.”…

    Both the Book and the Infringing Work recommend steaming the vegetables, pureeing them in a food processor, packaging them in 1/4 cup baggies and then freezing them for later use:

  • The Book states: “[Y]ou will find the Make-Ahead… are your best friends… once you have these purees and blends in your refrigerator or freezer, simply grab a spoonful and mix it into the recipes as called for.” The Book claims that with respect to “…the scratch recipes, you’ll spend less than thirty minutes for each one.”…
  • The Infringing Work states: “You will quickly learn to prepare, cook, puree, and portion the purees. Then the purees will be available to use when they’re called for, just like any other ingredient in my recipes.” The Infringing Work claims that “…the recipes… are doable in thirty minutes or less…”
  • [From Lapine's legal filing, accessible onThe Smoking Gun]

    Now what are the odds that both books would have the same flow of ideas, same wording, and same ingredients in most of the recipes?

    Only one author got to go on Oprah to pitch her book, and she thanked her by sending $20,000 in high end shoes to the media mogul. “Thanks for helping making my cut and paste book a best seller, Oprah!” I wonder what kind of thanks that judge is going to get.

    Update: Thanks so much to author Missy Chase Lapine for stopping by and commenting on this story. I’ve e-mailed with her in the past and am certain it’s her. Lapine lets us know that her suit against publisher Harper Collins is still pending and that her suit against the Seinfelds for defamation is also going forward:

    Thank you, Celebitchy, for your support and fair reporting.
    This was a big procedural setback in my plagiarism suit against the Seinfelds. I’m up against very powerful opponents.
    The court did not dismiss my defamation claim against Jerry Seinfeld or my claims against the publisher, Harper Collins. It is not a joke that Jerry Seinfeld used national television to paint me in the minds of millions of people as a “wacko” and an “assassin.” There is no defense of a sense of humor that can justify this. I will continue to pursue these claims in NY state court for the harm the Seinfeld’s caused me and my family. Thank you all for your continued support.

    Jessica Seinfeld is shown out on 4/7/09. Credit: WENN.com

    Posted in Jessica Simpson, Lawsuits, Plagiarism

    Written by Celebitchy         53 Comments »
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