As we’ve established, Jessica Simpson is nowhere near giving birth. Best case scenario, she’s due in one month. Worst case scenario… well, I just an Us Weekly pictorial where they claimed she was only seven months pregnant. Poor Jessica! As I said before, I admire that she still has the will to get out of bed, attempt to find cute maternity clothes, and wear those giant heels. She’s probably still working too, right? She has all of the clothing lines and shoe lines and stuff. Epic. Notice that I’m not mentioning any “work” being done by her K-Fed, Eric Johnson. Eric doesn’t have a job. There are rumors that he has some money saved from his NFL career, and there are rumors that Jessica gives him a monthly allowance for… “advising” her. And maybe she’s paying him just because, why not?

I bring up Eric’s lack of employment and sketchy financial situation because this OK! Magazine article left me with some questions. It’s all about how Eric has purchased some very special “push presents” for Jessica – he’s bought her $30,000 worth of jewelry from Italy!

Jessica Simpson has more than just a baby to look forward to! Her fiancé, Eric Johnson, is set to give her a whole collection of sparkly presents! Unknown to Jessica, Eric has gone all out to thank her for their precious baby by purchasing jewelry reportedly worth $30,000.

The pieces will also have huge sentimental value because he ordered them from her favorite jeweler on the Italian island of Capri, where they spent a blissful vacation near the start of their romance.

“He made a big deal about how ridiculous he thought the idea of push presents was, so she has no idea that she’ll be getting anything at all,” a source tells OK! “He loves to surprise her, which is why he’s pretending he hasn’t got anything, but he’s atually planning to totally spoil her. He didn’t just get her one thing – he really went crazy!”

Eric splurged on several platinum bracelets, a matching necklace with a huge amethyst, and a band that will be engraved with the baby’s birth date after this arrival this spring.

“He got in touch with the store in Capri because he knew that would be really meaningful to Jess,” adds the insider. “They shopped there on her 30th birthday, which is when they first talked about spending the rest of their lives together.”

[From OK! Magazine, print edition]

I wouldn’t say no to $30,000 worth of jewelry. Let me just say that at the onset. But I’m not Jessica Simpson, and I’m not worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Do you think Jessica could be perturbed by the lack of one big-ticket “push present”? After all, she’s probably dropping $30,000 a month just on Eric’s golf habit. She spends $30,000 a month on Doritos. Her onion ring budget far exceeds $30,000 a month. But it’s the thought that counts, right? I’m sure she’ll be very pleased with these presents. I’m sure he’s set the bar low enough, she’ll just be happy that she gets anything. Poor Jess.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

I cannot even begin to emphasize the wave of sympathy and nausea that I feel for Jessica Simpson in these photos. These are from the weekend – I just never got around to covering them with all of the Oscar stuff. I mean, obviously, we can talk about how HUGE she is, but she’d been carrying really big for months now. Jessica was never going to be a small pregnant girl – she was always going to be all boobs, all belly, all ass. I feel for her, and I admire that she still trying to wear cute clothes and cute shoes, because if I was this pregnant, I would just be hanging out in bed in a giant nightgown, crying.

Anyway, CB has been covering most of the Jessica news lately just because imagining what it would be like to be THIS pregnant kind of makes me sick to my stomach. I’m that girl – the one whose gag reflex is triggered at the mere mention of an epidural. CB has previously talked about the tabloid stories involving Jessica allegedly dropping out of her Lamaze class, and her alleged fights with Eric Johnson about scheduling a C-section. In a newish interview, Jessica doesn’t talk about all of that, but she does talk about feeling like a “big blob.” She’s due in late March/early April, by most accounts.

When Jessica Simpson tunes in for the premiere of NBC’s Fashion Star March 13, her body won’t look anything like it does now.

“I wasn’t pregnant when we shot it. It will be amazing to see myself with a waistline,” the 31-year-old said during a conference call Thursday. “I’ll be like a big blob sitting on the couch watching myself thin.”

Simpson will mentor 14 contestants alongside fellow fashion designers Nicole Richie, 30, and John Varvatos; supermodel Elle Macpherson, 47, will host.

“Teaming up with this show was a perfect fit,” Simpson said. “I couldn’t turn it down because I felt like it was great for my collection, but it was also important for me to talk to these up-and-coming designers and mentor them and kind of show them the ropes and really try to lead them in the right direction.”

Now that she’s expecting her first child with fiance Eric Johnson, Simpson said she’s thinking of creating a maternity line for the Jessica Simpson Collection.

“The point of launching a maternity line, for me, is to do something different,” Simpson explained. “I’m not buying any maternity clothes. I’m wearing all clothes that come in bigger sizes. I really want to make a maternity line that’s comfortable, but really stylish for people, because I believe that we all deserve to feel good and look good.”

[From Us Weekly]

If Jessica and Beyonce put out competing maternity lines, which one will have cuter clothes? I’d say Jessica – for two reasons. One, Jessica knows what it’s like to be pregnant (whereas I’m still doubtful about Bey’d pillowy bump). Two, while Jessica doesn’t always clothe herself properly, I believe her general style is rather cute, and that it would translate well into a maternity line. Not so much for Bey.

PS… Doesn’t everyone love how Jessica’s purses are getting larger with every month of her pregnancy? By the time of her due date, she’ll just be carrying a big Hefty bag as a purse.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Last month, In Touch reported that Jessica Simpson had dropped out of Lamaze pregnancy preparation classes and had scheduled a c-section with her obstetrician. According to In Touch, Jessica realized during Lamaze that natural childbirth wasn’t for her at all. Plus her sister Ashlee had three days of labor when she gave birth to her son, and Jessica wanted to avoid all that. Well apparently Jessica’s childbirth decision isn’t sitting well with her fiance, Eric Johnson, who wants her to have medication-free water birth. Johnson is a committed vegan and I would bet this story is true.

As Jessica Simpson’s due date approaches [she] is butting heads with fiance Eric Johnson over how she should give birth.

The 31 year-old… wants a C-Section but her… beau thinks she should deliver naturally, says sources…

“Jessica initially wanted a natural birth but changed her mind,” a source close to the star told The Enquirer. “And now she’s fighting with Eric about the delivery.

“He thinks the baby should have a natural water birth, while she wants to have a C-section so she doesn’t have to deal with a prolonged labor or pain.

“She’s tired of carrying the baby, feeling boated and experiencing the usual inconveniences of being pregnant.

“And with the hormones really kicking in, Jessica put her foot down. If she wants a C-section, I am sure she’ll get one.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, March 5, 2012]

Late last year, The Enquirer reported that Jessica was planning for a home birth and a vegan upbringing for her baby. Thankfully she reporedly gave up the idea of raising the child vegan, if this story is accurate. I buy that she also changed her mind on childbirth and was like “hell no” and that Eric is pushing back. Jessica is having the damn baby, not Eric. He can give his input but he better respect her position when it comes to a decision as personal as childbirth.

The Enquirer also adds the detail that Jessica is due on March 27. All she’s said about it is that she’s having “a spring baby.” (That’s at the end of this video.) There’s also news that Jessica is having a girl! She told Billy Bush that she didn’t know the sex of the baby, but People reports that she was shopping for pink baby items a few days ago.

Jessica is shown out with Eric and his mom on 1-28-12. Credit: Bruja, PacificCoastNews.com

The tabs are making fun of Jessica Simpson’s pregnancy weight gain, but they’re doing it in that faux-concern “she could have medical problems” way, which actually sort-of works when we’re talking about a pregnant lady. Jessica kind of brought this on herself by so openly discussing the crap she eats while she’s pregnant. She said last month that she regularly indulges in “Kraft Mac n’ Cheese, Pop Tarts, Cap’n Crunch. Everything filled with sugar.” She also admitted to putting butter on toasted Pop Tarts. Jessica isn’t due until April, but she looks like she’s due any minute. In Touch points out that she’s at potential risk for gestational diabetes.

On a recent outing in Beverly Hills, onlookers were shocked to see Jessica Simpson’s bloated pre-baby body. “She looks really huge, almost unrecognizable,” an onlooker tells In Touch…

According to a source, some doctors are equally alarmed at her dramatic weight gain. So much so that they’ve issued a stern warning: Eating too much junk food or gaining too much weight while pregnant increases the chances of gestational diabetes, hypertension and having a baby too big to deliver naturally!

How did things get so out of control? “Jessica’s the happiest she’s been in ages, and she loves the fact that no one stares at her when she’s downign pizza or eating a tub of ice cream,” the source tells In Touch…

That’s a recipe for disaster, says nutritionist and author… Jackie Keller. “Why would you deliberately sabotage your body with unhealthy, fatty foods? You’re not supposed to eat twice as much – you just need 300 extra calories a day,” Keller tells In Touch.

LA ob-gyn Layne Kumetz, M.D., concurs.”The recommended gain for a woman at a healthy weight is 25 pounds,” Kumetz tells In Touch. Jessica has gained 40 – and counting.

[From In Touch, print edition, January 27, 2012]

In Touch isn’t saying anything that’s new. One of the suggested Google searches for Jessica Simpson is “Jessica Simpson Pregnancy Weight Gain.” Poor Jess. I think she looks cute.

I’ll be honest, I gained over 50 pounds during my first/only pregnancy. (I got tested for gestational diabetes and thankfully I didn’t have it.) There are photos of me right before I gave birth and I’m still astonished to see how huge I looked. While pregnant I tried to eat healthy whole foods and didn’t even think I was eating that much more than I normally do. I must have eaten a lot more to get to that point. After my son was born I lost most of the weight pretty quickly. Those last 15 pounds were a bitch, though. So I guess I’m saying that Jessica can lose it too.

I don’t think it’s fair to pick on a pregnant lady for gaining weight and I would have been mortified if people did it to me. Jessica kind of invites it by admitting the junk she’s eating though. That’s not nourishing to her baby or her. This has me thinking – how much is this woman going to overshare after she gives birth? We’ve already heard all about her bodily functions and poor hygiene. Her stories are going to be epic after she has a baby.

In related news Star Magazine has a pretty funny story about how Jessica tried to cut in line at a popular Mexican restaurant and was told to wait at the back of the line like everyone else. Even her huge baby bump couldn’t get her a free pass at that place. She gave up and ended up going to Taco Bell instead. Taco Bell is my favorite fast food, and you know what you’re getting there. It’s not like you’re going to order a fajita and get a grease and cheese slathered mess like at some (bad) Mexican places. I doubt Jessica opted for the “fresco” line at TB though. Those are my favorite and most fresco tacos are only 150 calories! Jessica will be counting those soon enough.

These photos are of Jessica and her fiance, Eric Johnson, out in Santa Barbara with his parents on 1-28-12. They look so happy! Credit: DMac/FF3/FameFlynet Pictures

This is further evidence that Gisele’s email prayer chain was all for naught. Even Jessica Simpson’s massive pregnancy jugs couldn’t work in the Patriots’ favor! Damn, Jesus really doesn’t care for Tom Brady, right? Jessica was in Indianapolis for the Super Bowl, rooting on the Patriots, and she tweeted these photos. Jessica’s K-Fed (Eric Johnson) used to play for the 49ers, but Eric is from Boston, so Jessica explained her GO PATS mentality: “We were really sad the Niners aren’t here right now — Eric played for the Niners… But we’re going with the Patriots. And I’m a Cowboys fan, so I cannot root for the Giants!”

Jessica also managed to not say a word about the Patriots’ loss. After the game, she only tweeted: “Stayed up past my bedtime. Now it’s time for my big girl panties and sleeping bra!!” Sleeping bra? Poor Jessica! I wonder how much bigger her boobs have gotten. I bet they hurt like a mother.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Jessica’s Twitter.

We’ve gotten to the point in Jessica Simpson’s pregnancy where she’s just being exclusively photographed going in and out of restaurants. We’ll call it “The Eating Phase”. You might ask yourselves, “Why is The Eating Phase any different than just normal Jessica?” It’s not, really. Except that the photos have more waddling.

So these are photos of Jessica and her K-Fed waddling into some restaurant over the weekend. Look at how huge she is! I love it. She looks beautiful. I know some of you are hating on her for getting so big while she still has months to go until giving birth, but for the love of God, how else did you expect her to carry? She was never going to be one of those barely-pregnant-looking women. She was always going to carry everything in her boobs, abdomen and ass. I’m just happy to see a pregnant celebrity who actually looks like they’re indulging in their cravings. It’s refreshing.

Jessica is starting to get a little bit worried about her weight though – not enough to put down the pork chops she’s double-fisting, but still, she’s concerned! She recently tweeted: “Looking forward to getting back into Daisy Duke shape with @MADfit. I forget what having a waistline feels like!” Jessica’s Twitter is a grab-bag of revelations – she’s also referring to her unborn baby as a “her”. I do hope she has a girl – I think it would be fun for her to have a daughter. Oh, and she tweeted the photo below with the message, “Woke up looking like the lip injection fairy visited me in the night! Is this how pregnancy face begins?! Yikes!” God, I love her!

Photos courtesy of Fame.

These are some new photos of Jessica Simpson out with Eric Johnson last night. They were in LA to celebrate Papa Joe’s birthday. I still think Jessica is a really cute pregnant girl, and I like her maternity styles thus far – she looks really comfortable for the most part, and even though these are still photos, I can feel her waddle. Can’t you?

As for how Jessica is carrying and how she’s due in the Spring (!!) and how big she already is… you know this isn’t a pillow pregnancy, right? This girl is EATING. Jessica recently discussed her pregnancy cravings:

Jessica Simpson’s tastes are quite different now that she’s eating for two.

“I had a buttered Pop Tart this morning,” the pregnant 31-year-old tells Extra. “I’m eating a lot of stuff that I ate in my childhood. Kraft Mac n’ Cheese, Pop Tarts, Cap’n Crunch. Everything’s filled with sugar.”

The Fashion Star mentor adds that she isn’t afraid to “give in to my cravings. “I’m like, ‘Yeah, I can do it. We’ll worry about the rest afterwards.’”

Luckily, Simpson hasn’t experienced any morning sickness. “Everybody comes up to me and asks me, ‘How’s the nausea?’ and I’m like, ‘I don’t have any!’” the singer says, though she’s “definitely eating a lot of Tums — I have the reflux and acid going on.”

Due later this year, Simpson says she and fiance Eric Johnson, 32, still don’t know the sex of their baby. “I feel like it’s already going to be a shock. Like, ‘Whoa! I just pushed that out!’ You know?”

The couple has some names that they’re “throwing around” but Simpson says they’re keeping them “on the down low” for now.

[From Us Weekly]

LOL at “Whoa! I just pushed that out!” Jessica is so funny. Even when she’s not trying to be. As for Jessica’s sugar-filled pregnancy – well, I’m not going to judge her. If her doctors say she’s fine, good for her. As for baby names, I’m guessing Jessica will go more traditional, don’t you? She’ll go biblical for a boy, like Noah or Peter or something. Something flowery for a girl, I think.

Also – Jessica tweeted the photo below with a message about a bachelorette party. THIS is what Jess wears to bachelorette parties.

Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN & Jessica’s Twitter.

This story is in In Touch, so who knows if it’s true, but I wouldn’t be surprised. They’re claiming that Jessica Simpson was enrolled in Lamaze classes to prepare for the birth of her baby in April (I still can’t believe she’s only six months along) but that she dropped out and scheduled a c-section. Jessica’s sister Ashlee was in labor for 3 days, which In Touch claims heavily influenced Jessica’s decision to say “screw it” and not bother trying for a natural birth.

Jessica Simpson has dropped out of… Lamaze… She was taking the classes with her fiance, Eric Johnson, but after a few lessons, she decided to skip natural childbirth and schedule a C-section instead. Jessica’s younger sister, Ashlee, was in labor for nearly three days, and going through the Lamaze classes reminded Jessica, 31, of what Ashlee endured. “Jessica can’t wait to become a mother, but she quickly decided that giving birth the old-fashioned way just wasn’t for her. So she is planning a C-section in late April,” a friend says. “She’s already booked a $2,800 suite at Cedars-Sinai hospital in LA.”

[From In Touch, print edition, January 23, 2012]

I’ve mentioned before that I had my son in a birth center without medication, but I did it due to a fear of doctors and hospitals, not for any noble reason. My husband and I took Bradley Method classes, and I dropped out about 1/2 way through as the classes were boring and I totally thought I had it down. I was so wrong. Labor was calm and fine for me, but when I got to the pushing part I was unprepared for what a total bitch it was. I never should have ditched those classes. Maybe Jess saw some birthing videos or read some materials in class that made her realize it wasn’t for her. To each their own when it comes to such a personal matter and I don’t blame her. She didn’t go into it thinking she was too posh to push, she just realized it before it was down to the wire.

Also, people may think that a $2,800 suite is excessive, and it very well may be. The birthing center I went to cost $5,000, but that included everything and my insurance covered it. That’s just for the birth and 12 hours of convalescing. They don’t even have a doctor there, it’s all midwives. After 12 hours they kick you out, but a midwife came to visit me at home the next day to make sure that the baby and I were fine. If you have an emergency during delivery they just transfer you to the hospital next door. It’s expensive to have a baby.

Jessica is shown on 1-6-12 and 12-3-11, credit: WENN.com and KM/FameFlynet Pictures

These are some new photos of Jessica Simpson at the NBC Winter Press Tour in Pasadena on Friday. OMG. I mean, she’s so beautiful, and she’s so, so pregnant, but it’s just amazing to me that Jessica is, like, barely six months along. I don’t even think she’s hit the six-month mark yet! She keeps saying that she’s due “in the Spring”. And this is how huge she is in her SECOND trimester. I understand that every woman carries differently, but I’d just like to point out, yet again, how weird Beyonce’s pillowy pregnancy was compared to Jessica’s obvious pregnancy. Everything about Jessica looks preggo, her face, her arms, her boobs, her bump, EVERYTHING. Even her hair looks pregnant. She’s a super-cute pregnant girl, isn’t she? I like that there are still some celebrities who carry heavily.

Jessica was promoting her new NBC show, Fashion Star, which is kind of a Project Runway knock-off. Jessica plays – no joke – the Tim Gunn-esque “mentor” figure to the contestants. Like, she comes in to the workroom and tells them what to change, etc. E! News had an interview with Jessica about the project:

Cute. I mean, good God, her boobs are HUGE. They look gigantic in that video. I’m also including a photo of Jessica with her creepy father, who has gotten himself a super-creepy haircut that makes him look… ridiculous.

I’m also including photos of Nicole Richie at this event – I absolutely loathe her hair here. It does nothing for her, and it looks super-damaged and busted. I like her outfit, though. Anyway, Nicole is one of the judges on Fashion Star (like, she‘s the Nina Garcia), and despite rumors to the contrary, she and Jessica do get along. Allegedly. We’ll see.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

A month ago, the rumors began – Jessica Simpson was already looking to profit from her post-pregnancy figure. This means that Jessica knows she’s going to gain a lot of weight during her pregnancy, and she’s already preparing to make a big deal about taking the weight off. Anyway, Jessica was already in negotiations with Weight Watchers, and now Page Six is reporting that a deal has been struck – $3 million for Jessica’s Weight Watchers endorsement! Good God.

Pregnant Jessica Simpson has just inked an estimated $3 million deal with Weight Watchers, Page Six can reveal. Sources tell us the blond star has been fielding offers from a number of weight-loss programs.

One source said, “The deal is in place, and after having her baby, she’ll start with Weight Watchers to lose her baby weight.” Simpson has another reason to get in shape fast — she hopes to wed her fiancé, Eric Johnson, soon after she gives birth.

[From Page Six]

On one side, I think it’s a good idea for Jessica to get ahead of what I’m sure will be endless tabloid stories about her weight, like always. On the other side, it’s very funny to me. Earlier this year, Jessica was all about training with Tracy Anderson, she of the chipmunk-cheeked eating disorders, 800-calorie diets and three-hour daily workouts. Jessica seemed to get more toned working with Tracy, but Jessica didn’t really change her diet of “lots of liquor, desserts, fried food, etc” so the weight loss obviously didn’t stick. It will be interesting to see Jessica do Weight Watchers, and I’ll find it hilarious if and when she can’t stick to it.

Photos courtesy of Fame and WENN.