Jessica Simpson performed at a Chili Cook Off in Pembroke Pines, Florida on Sunday. The 28 year-old country singer has put on some weight, and she’s making a non issue much worse with her terrible outfit. She donned a pair of very unflattering high-waisted jeans, similar to the infamous diaper jeans she wore in 2007, along with a bizarre stacked leopard print belt and a black tank top. Expect to see some of these photos of Simpson on the covers of the tabloids next week, although she’ll probably just be one of the stories off to the side column as her profile isn’t as high as it once was.

Many of us face the same issues as Jessica Simpson, we just don’t do it in the public eye. She’s not my favorite person and I still think she’s an idiot, but it’s not hard to anticipate the way that she’ll get torn apart in the press for gaining weight. Maybe if she picked a better outfit it wouldn’t be as obvious.

The National Enquirer reports this week that Jessica’s boyfriend, Tony Romo, is waiting to propose because he’s not happy with the way that she’s going out partying in LA and drinking too much. That could definitely be taking a toll on her figure, too. I doubt she’s pregnant as has been rumored, especially if she’s drinking to excess like that.

Thanks to Splash News for these photos

This could be completely fabricated as it originates in Star Magazine, but supposedly Jessica Simpson only washes her hair two to three times a month on the advice of her BFF hairdresser, Ken Paves. Most of Simpson’s hair is fake, but the part that isn’t is said to get rank:

Jessica Simpson keeps her blonde locks looking gorgeous by listening to her mane man, celebrity stylist Ken Paves. So when Ken – who also works with Eva Longoria Parker and Jennifer Lopez – told her to shampoo only two to three times a month, she took his advice. Unfortunately, though, it has gotten the singer into some hair situations. “Jess’ tresses are often greasy, but she hides it well, an insider tells Star. “She wears hats or reaches for the Hairdo, the clip-on extension line she created with Ken.” And if her hair starts to smell a bit funky, adds the insider, she just spritzes it with perfume – from her own line, of course!

[From Star Magazine, print edition, January 19, 2008]

The NY Times had an article about a year ago covering a supposedly new trend to just get a professional wash and blow out once a week and to not wash your hair until the next salon appointment. Blue-haired old ladies aren’t the only ones taking advantage of the convenience of letting someone else do their hair and not bothering with it the rest of the week. Clients use powders and perfumes to keep their hair fresh in between appointments and say that the hair adjusts, producing less oils and suffering less damage from chemicals and processing. Shampoo is just unnecessary, they claim, as it strips the natural oils that we try to put in again with artificial conditioners. It sounds strange, but shampoo is a modern invention and maybe we don’t really need it at all.

I once spent about six months washing my hair every other day on the advice of my hairdresser. I eventually got tired of how it looked on the off days and ended up going back to washing and styling it every day. It saved me some time and I can still go a day without washing my hair, but I have to do anything special I prefer to wash it.

It may be cultural to wash your hair so much and who are we to judge? Simpson’s hair usually looks ok if a little messy. If these details about her grooming habits are true, she’s not as extreme as some people. This British woman claims not to have washed her hair in 11 years.

[Thanks to the Huffington Post for covering the hair washing story last year]

Jessica Simpson is shown on a night out with her sister, Ashlee, on 1/8/09. Credit: Fame. She is shown out at Bar Deluxe on 1/9/09. Credit: Splash News

Yet another star is trying to hop on the “celebrity chef” bandwagon, but this time I doubt anyone will believe it. Pop/country singer Jessica Simpson, who is not officially a wife or even a fiancee of Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, contributed to a new Dallas Cowboys Family Cookbook, the proceeds of which go to charity. Because, you know, when you think of cooking, you automatically think of Jessica, right? It’s nice that Jess wants to get involved in a charity project – but who is she kidding? Anyone who watched “Newlyweds” knows that Jessica can’t cook to save her life.

She’s not engaged to Tony Romo (yet), but Jessica Simpson is officially a part of the Dallas Cowboys family.

She appears in the 2008 Cowboys Family Cookbook, presented by “the wives of the Dallas Cowboys.”

On page 127, Simpson (who is not photographed) and Romo share their favorite family recipes for a “banana breakfast fruit smoothies” and “no-fat broccoli and cherry tomatoes.”

The two also show off their funny sides in the book’s biographical section, with Simpson listing her occupation as “hairdresser” and Romo stating that he’s a “fence builder.”

Romo — who lists “U2, Coldplay and AC/DC” as among the artists on his iPod (sorry, Jess!) — also reveals that his favorite food is “chicken enchiladas.”

[From Us Weekly]

The recipes, unsurprisingly are nothing special – I think my 9-year-old could probably make them without my help. The broccoli and tomato recipe calls for pre-cut, pre-washed vegetables. Is that what Jessica considers cooking?

It sure is interesting that Jessica is considered a “wife of a Dallas Cowboy.” She does like to go on and on about how Tony is her “future husband” and how she wants to have kids with him – but maybe she should wait for Tony to ask her first.

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are shown at the airport in Dallas on 1/3/08. Credit: SplashNewsOnline

John Mayer has publicly defended ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson on at least one occasion. But if you think that means he and Jess are on good terms, you’d be wrong. John – being the always courageous man that he is – bolted from an art show after getting word that Jessica would be making an appearance. It sounds like he’s pretty afraid of her, even though she generally strikes me as harmless – so long as there are no microphones around.

John Mayer wants to avoid ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson at all costs. Jennifer Aniston’s main squeeze showed up at Gallery1988 in L.A. to support pal Pete Wentz’s art effort “Without You I’m Just Me,” but ditched out early upon hearing Jess would be making an appearance.

“John showed up early for the public viewing and took pictures with fans, but left before the VIP portion of the evening started,” an insider tells us. “He wanted to be there for Pete, but wanted more to avoid the possibility of a dramatic encounter with Jess.”

[From Gatecrasher]

I didn’t realize Jessica Simpson was the dramatic encounter sort. She always struck me more as the crying in the bathroom type. Really, if John Mayer acted that way around every woman he’s ever dated, he could never leave the house. He either needs to stop man whoring around or at least man up enough to be in the same building as an ex.

In sort of related Mayer news, he and Jennifer Aniston are in Los Cabos right now – though technically not together. Jennifer is staying at the same resort as Courteney Cox and David Arquette, while John is at a neighboring place with his two brothers. Nothing says romance like a whole hotel between two lovers.

Here’s John Mayer at LAX airport with his brothers Carl and Ben on December 26th. Images thanks to Bauer-Griffin.

Apparently, the Simpson family compound is in Waco, Texas. I hate myself for knowing that, and for being able to vaguely recall an episode of “The Newlyweds” when Jessica Simpson and then-husband Nick Lachey celebrated Christmas in Texas. Well, as it turns out, the Waco compound will be the site of another glorious Simpson family gathering, with Jessica, Tony Romo, Ashlee and Pete Wentz all expected to show up.

E! News Online is among several celebrity sites reporting that Simpson sisters Jessica and Ashlee and their significant others — Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and husband Pete Wentz, respectively — plan to celebrate Christmas in Waco at their grandparents’ house.

E! News sez: “This Christmas is a big deal, and the whole family wants to be together for baby Bronx’s first Christmas,” a Simpson family friend tells us.” Bronx Mowgli is the baby boy born to Ashlee and Pete on Nov. 20.

[From the Waco Tribune]

I’m sure it will be a nice family gathering and everyone’s probably really excited to spend more time with the new baby. But surely you aren’t foolish enough to think that Jessica could just let that news slip by without over-sharing about her Christmas plans (and coincidentally stealing Ashlee’s moment)? Jessica is pulling out all the stops to get Tony Romo… including trying her hand at baking Tony’s favorite desserts.

Forget going out on the town and partying all night in Hollywood, Jessica Simpson is going a very different route from other celebrity ladies these days: She’s skipping the club and heading straight for the kitchen!

“Believe it or not, I like to bake pies,” she tells Pop Tarts of her life at home right now. “Tony [Romo]‘s favorite is pumpkin pie and I haven’t mastered that yet. Maybe I’m more of a baker; I like to make cakes, more fattening. I make a good carrot cake.”

Besides fattening up her NFL quarterback boyfriend, Jess says she’s dedicated to making sure his holiday season is merry and bright.

“My personality is now more stay-at-home; right now I’m doing the Christmas tree and everything. I’m in Dallas and its fun, Tony hasn’t had Christmas in 7 years because they have football every Christmas and he can’t go home,” she says. “So I’m bringing Christmas to him this year and it’s been fun. I’ve been out ornament shopping and all kinds of stuff, so that’s more of who I am.”

[From OK Magazine]

Ew, carrot cake. I totally don’t get carrot cake. Cake is supposed to made from good stuff like butter, vanilla, flour, chocolate. Not carrots. But back to The World Revolving Around Jessica, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I think Tony really loves her. If he wanted out, he would have gotten out a long time ago. But I’ll add that Tony *probably* doesn’t love her for cooking.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Jessica launching her fragrance “Fancy” at Macy’s South Coast Plaza in Costa Mesa, California on December 13th. Images thanks to Fame.

Jessica Simpson is said to be blabbing to pals that she thinks her boyfriend, quarterback Tony Romo, is planning to pop the question over the holidays. This story is from Star, so it’s just as likely to be made up, but it sounds like something Simpson would do. She pretty much tells anyone who will listen all about her life, relationship, and bodily functions well past the point that an average person would find embarrassing. You can imagine her telling people she thinks she’s about to get a ring, or even leaking the news to Star herself with ring hints she hopes will get back to Tony:

[Jessica Simpson] is “convinced” that Tony [Romo] plans to propose over the holidays, says a close friend of Jess. He’s been dropping hints, like asking her about the diamond from her ex-husband, Nick Lachey. “I told him it was once my dream to have a pear-shaped ring, but I’d never want that again,” she told the pal. Then, last week, she noticed that one of her favorite rings went missing for a few days. “And then it reappeared in my jewelry box.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, December 15, 2008]

Jessica has gained a little weight, and she looks fine but there’s always pregnancy speculation when that happens, particularly from us. Her sister just had a baby and she’s been outspoken about wanting to be a mother too. It’s hard to tell if she’s pregnant or just wearing her typical bad fashion. If Simpson is pregnant and/or if she gets engaged we’re sure to hear all about it. Tony seems serious about her because he’s stuck around despite all the stupid things she’s said. Maybe he’s ready to take it to the next level, which is sure to result in more unnecessary details in the celebrity magazines.

Jessica Simpson is shown going to Mastro’s Steakhouse in Beverly Hills last night with Ken Paves. Look at that pose. Credit: WENN

Once in a blue moon when Jessica Simpson hasn’t said anything stupid for a while, I get happy and assume someone bought her a muzzle. Or at the very least, she’s gotten herself some competent handlers. Unfortunately this dream was once again squashed when Jessica commented that she wants to go to college. Normally this would be cause for celebration, but few people can make the idea of slightly advanced education sound as stupid as Jessica Simpson can.

Jessica Simpson wants to head off to college to study theology – and watching TV was her inspiration.

“I’ve been contemplating taking a college course in religion,” the bubblehead told Marie Claire. “I love religion. I remember whenever the book ‘The Da Vinci Code’ came out, the Discovery Channel did this three-night piece on it that I TiVoed and then watched eight times.”

We just hope someone advises her not to include that bit in her application letter.

[From Fox News]

What’s awesome is you can tell Jessica thinks this makes her look smart. Why sit down and read a book when you can watch the Discovery Channel?

I think Jessica should stick to one of those classes you take over the internet. And not the good ones that are from normal colleges. The kind that come from “for profit” schools (aka businesses) that advertise aggressively on the internet and inside subway cars. They have names like Bramsoncourt and are meant to sound old and stately. This would be a great fit. I’m under the impression that in addition to the Discovery Channel, they also assign some occasional TLC and a random CNN documentary here and there. And then you get your degree.

Here’s Jessica arriving at a music studio in Beverly Hills on November 18th. I’m not sure which is worse: the idea of her going to college because of a Discovery Channel show, or recording another album. Images thanks to Fame.

OK! Magazine takes great pleasure in the fact that pop star turned country singer Jessica Simpson recently played a bingo hall at a casino in which her accommodations were less than luxurious. Her dressing room didn’t even have a refrigerator or an ironing board, for goodness sakes!

From stadiums to bingo halls, Jessica Simpson’s performance venues have apparently slid towards the less-than-glamorous: Bingo regulars at the 2,500-capacity San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casino in Highland, Calif., had to go elsewhere for their game on Nov. 13 when she performed there.

The hall’s florescent lighting, dirty carpet and fried-food odor is a far cry from the venues J-Simp played back when her album In This Skin sold 7 million copies.

“Jessica’s dressing room at the bingo hall was a little larger than a broom closet,” an insider tells OK!.

“There’s an iron, but no ironing board. There’s not even a fridge!”

[From OK! Magazine]

It could be true that Simpson accepted an inferior venue as she’s not as much in demand lately, but OK! Magazine has good reason to emphasize her downfall. It’s rumored that relations between OK! and Jessica’s dadager, Joe Simpson, soured after he promised them exclusive access to his daughter in 2005 for over six figures but then turned around and gave other magazines stories.

This January, Jessica Simpson’s people sent OK! the most poorly worded cease and desist I’ve ever read in response to a their report that Tony Romo dumped her, which he subsequently did only to take her back before her sister’s wedding in May. There are plenty of other outlets that are rejoicing in Simpson’s lack of success in film, music and her personal life. While it’s easy to see that Jessica can’t act, she can still sing when she’s not ruining it by talking. It seems people are taking offense at her poor management, which is as much to blame for her downfall as for the media backlash against her.

Jessica Simpson is shown performing on Good Morning America on 9/9/08. Credit: Bauergriffin

Jessica Simpson’s foray into country music sure isn’t going well. Her concerts are booked at D-list venues and aren’t selling well. She’s not getting press coverage for anything but her relationship with Tony Romo. And now it looks like Jessica was either banned, not invited, or for some reason chose not to attend last night’s Country Music Awards. Of course they were hosted by Romo’s ex-girlfriend, Carrie Underwood, so that might have had something to do with it.

Former pop singer/actress/wife Jessica Simpson just added another stellar achievement to her disintegrating resume, the CMAs’ persona non grata.

In a last ditch effort to save her career, the “Dukes of Hazzard” star released a country album earlier this year — so it would have made sense to make an appearance at last night’s show. Unfortunately, the Carrie Underwood-hosted CMAs had no time to have Tony Romo’s current girlfriend perform, present or sit in the bleachers, since they had already filled their ranks with tried and true country artists like … Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon and Lil Wayne!

But don’t worry, Ashlee Simpson’s sister doesn’t need the entire country music establishment on her side, tonight she’s performing at an Indian casino near Ontario, Calif. and we’re told 50% of tix are still available.

“Dancing with the Stars” here she comes!

[From TMZ]

Ouch. That article is quite a slam. Especially the part about how Simpson is only former things. Though they’re technically not wrong – and considering the way her country music career is going, it appears that TMZ is right and it’ll be another former on Jessica’s resume.

It seems really odd that Jess didn’t go to the awards. It’s possible she didn’t get an invitation because of Underwood, but I’d guess it’s just as likely that the CMA’s producers don’t consider her a legitimate country artist. Obviously there were other celebrities there that aren’t in country music though, so maybe Jessica has pissed off the wrong people. There’s also the chance that she was invited and chose not to attend. Perhaps she was avoiding Carrie Underwood, or maybe she just didn’t get the importance of the awards show to her future. Either way it was another foot in the grave for her career.

Here’s Jessica leaving Madeo restaurant in Los Angeles on November 2nd. Images thanks to WENN.

Jessica Simpson is still yapping on about her relationship with Tony Romo. I think the woman is physically incapable of talking about anything other than whoever she’s dating. In a way I understand it, but it makes an already shallow seeming person come off as even more vapid.

Jessica says in the past she’s always fallen for men that she wanted to save – implying that ex-husband Nick Lachey was one of them. She says with Tony Romo, he saved her.

In December’s Cosmopolitan, Jessica Simpson says Tony Romo is different from past men she’s romanced — including ex-husband Nick Lachey.

“I’d always fall for guys I wanted to save,” she says. “For the first time, I fell in love with someone who saved me.”

She says she wouldn’t rule out wedding the Dallas Cowboys quarterback, whom she began dating last year. “I think any person who I’m gonna date for longer than six months, I definitely am investing in something long-term,” she says. “If I get married again, then it will be the last time.

“Nick will always be a part of my life,” says Simpson, who divorced Lachey nearly three years ago. “But next time, I’m marrying the right one.”

[From US Weekly]

Obviously I don’t know the personal details of his life, but Nick Lachey seemed to have his act together, especially when compared to Jessica. It didn’t seem like there was a whole lot of saving needed. But then again she clearly knew him pretty intimately and seems to feel she needed to help him in some way. A lot of women feel that way about men – it’s why some are always attracted to “fixers.” Not that Nick is/was a fixer.

I think Jessica tends to lose herself in her relationships a bit. That’s probably why she wants to be with guys that she can save – so they need her more. She just doesn’t talk about anything other than men. I don’t expect anything of depth or consequence to come out of her mouth, but I’d like to hear about something other than “Tony/John/Nick” all the time. I can understand why she’d want to avoid talking about her acting career (ahem, “Major Movie Star”), but she can talk about her music, her family… hell even her dog would be an improvement at this point. Find new words Jessica. Please.

Here’s Jessica at Macy’s 150th Birthday Gala Celebration at Gotham Hall in New York City last Tuesday. Images thanks to WENN.