If someone told me Madonna was going to pull the tired hanging on the cross routine for her latest tour, I wouldn’t have believed them. So while it may seem really stupid of Madonna to try to tie her fading star to two hot young singers at the MTV music awards again, it sounds like something she would do. She’s persistent in her blind/blonde ambition, and she tends to beat dead horses and expect people to pay to watch, which they do.

She’s said to now want to “pass her energy” onto Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson in an S&M number that probably borrows from her stupid “Confessions” tour. I bet it will have an equestrian theme, too:

The source is The Sun, which makes it seem like fake news, but you never know with Madonna. It could be true now that Madonna is converting Lohan to Kabbalah.

Please, Madonna, retire already. You look more like a cartoon character than a pop star, and you were right at home on stage at the Grammys with Gorillaz. You should devote your life to converting people to your sham cult and quit performing. Maybe you’ll hook gullible Jessica Simpson into Kabbalah too. She’s surely in need of some spiritual guidance.

Here is Madonna with her daughter Lourdes outside of the NY Kabbalah center on 6/30. Lindsay Lohan is shown shopping at Tower Records on 7/7 and in Malibu on 7/6. [via]. There are also some low-res candids of Jessica Simpson arriving at LA airport with her bodyguard. [via]

We weren’t holding our breath, but we were kind of hoping Nick and Jessica would get back together. Jessica wore her wedding ring around her neck for a while, and Nick told Rolling Stone that he still loved his wife of two years, but ultimately Jessica’s immaturity and Nick’s wild oats won out and now the two are officially divorced. The divorce was made final on June 30. No word yet as to the settlement amount. Jessica’s dad tried to low-ball Nick into accepting a $1.5 million settlement, while Nick is said to have asked for a more realistic $8 million that he lowered to $5 million.

Nick is dating MTV VJ Vanessa Minnillo while Jessica may be with her co-star in the upcoming film “Employee of the Month,” comedian Dane Cook. Cook was involved with someone else at the time of filming, but is now single and said to be getting cosy with Jessica.

This is sad news for Nick and Jessica fans, and should serve as a warning to all women who try to hold out before marriage and then get married young because they can’t wait.

Here is Jessica in NY on 6/28. She’s wearing the deadly long jeans/platform sandals combo that caused Britney’s near baby-drop. Nick Lachey is shown performing a private concert for Q-100 listeners on 6/29.

The new Jessica Simpson song, “A Public Affair” is so strikingly similar to Madonna’s “Holiday” that it’s surprising it’s not a remake. TMZ has both songs available for a comparison:

My husband thought it was “Holiday” when he heard the Jessica Simpson song, and it’s amazing that someone thought they could get away with such a blatant rip off. I’m not blaming Jessica because she probably just does what people tell her to do.

Maybe Simpson’s producers will pull the song or choose another to use as the first single off her new album.

She is in dire need of advice and has been letting her best friend and hairdresser Ken spend too much time on Eva Longoria’s hair. The poor girl has major roots in these pictures at the launch of the Sidekick 3 on 6/20. She’s also wearing an unflattering dress, and if she was still married someone (probably us) would be calling her pregnant.

Pictures [via]

Nick Lachey hooked up with MTV VJ and former fling Vanessa Minnillo in Atlantic City after meeting up with her at a club on Sunday night. They left together and things must have heated up quickly for the pair, because they were then spotted in Mexico together according to PerezHilton:

It is difficult to tell whether they were in Mexico first and planned to meet up at the club, or if they met in Atlantic City and promptly jetted off to the vacation spot. Either way, it looks like they’re back together and that this means curtains for Nick’s relationship with stylist Kim Kardashian.

Kardashian, who was linked to Nick after a romantic movie date on May 24th, has been seen out shopping and attending events with Paris Hilton. Her friendship with the flightly self-centered heiress couldn’t have helped her relationship with Lachey, whose friends thought Kardshian’s status as an outsider from the usual Hollywood circle was part of what made her attractive to Lachey. Kardashian’s gorgeous looks couldn’t have hurt, either.

This is also bad news for poor Jessica Simpson. She seems to have come to terms with the fact that it’s over between her and Nick, because she may have approved of his relationship with Kardashian. Jessica reportedly sent her best friend and ex-assistant Cacee Cobb to check out Kardashian for her, and Cacee is said to have called Kim “nice.” Nick and Jessica’s divorce may be final on June 17th, and it looks like Nick is moving on with style.

Here is Lachey promoting his album at Lucky Strike lanes in Chicago on June 12th and at the Borgata Hotel Casino fight weekend after party on June 11th. He is shown with Tyson Beckford. The poor quality inset images are of Minnillo and Lachey in Cabo San Lucas.

“30 Second to Mars” frontman and sometimes-actor Jared Leto dated Cameron Diaz for four years until 2003, and has been linked to Scarlet Johansson, Ashley Olsen, and Lindsay Lohan. Now he’s said to be romancing Jessica Simpson, because the ditsy blonde was all over him at a club:

[via]

Jared’s fitness status is of interest because he porked up for his role as John Lennon asassin Mark David Chapman in the film “Chapter 27.” He went on the Beyonce diet to lose weight after filming wrapped. He said he ate melted Haggan Daas ice cream to gain weight, and fasted for at least a week to lose it.

Leto’s ex Carmen Diaz is no catch, but Scarlet Johansson seems like a take-no-prisoners kind of girl, and if she dated Jared for a while he has to have some redeeming qualities – and more sense – than to get caught up with Jessica Simpson on the rebound. Simpson may be hot, but she’s damaged goods for now, and needs much more attention than Leto can give her. It sounds like he’s just playing the field and will wise up about Simpson soon.

Here’s Simpson at the Chrysalis’ Fifth Annual Butterfly Ball 6/10 and leaving her NY hotel on 6/6. She looks better dressed outside of her hotel. Pictures [via]

Jessica Simpson has been seen out looking unhappy and disheveled, and people suggested that she’s been seeing a therapist. Jessica has admitted to psychotherapy in the past, making it likely that she’s getting professional help during a difficult divorce.

When she was photographed leaving a medical clinic on May 29th she may have been seeing a doctor, not a psychiatrist as was suggested. A source told Britain’s OK magazine that Simpson underwent testing for a stomach ulcer. There is no word as to whether she suffered from an ulcer or was treated for it.

As Jessica and Nick get closer to reaching a settlement in their divorce Life and Style is reporting that Jessica has been calling Nick for long conversations late at night. She’s been known to drink and dial, so this could be true:

Nick and Jessica have gone back and forth trying to reach a divorce settlement, with Jessica most recently offering Nick an insulting $1.5 million, which he declined. He is entitled to half her earnings during their three year marriage, and she is said to have made $30 million last year.

If this report is true about Nick and Jessica talking frequently, Nick must realize that Jessica is letting her father Joe run the show as usual and is not responsible for trying to low-ball the divorce settlement.

Nick has moved on to a gorgeous new brunette, Kim Kardashian, while Jessica is single after being dumped by Maroon 5 frontman, Adam Levine. We think Nick feels for Jessica but that he’s not going to get back together with her.

Here’s Simpson at the CFDA fashion awards in NY last night. She seems happier, and it may be because she’s hanging out with her hairdresser, Ken Paves, who is visible is in the background. She looks a lot like Eva Mendes with her hair up like that.

Jessica Simpson attended the MTV Movie Awards with her father and manager, Joe. She looked tolerant of her dad, but not thrilled to be with him.

Jessica is quoted as saying that Jessica Alba would do well as a presenter and that “all she has to do is strut her stuff.”

She also supposedly drove Jamie Foxx crazy, but that doesn’t take much for the 30 minute man:

Jessica wore an unfortunate black and red dotted print dress that was split down the front but somehow managed to hide her cleavage. Her breasts looked like round balls suspended under fabric. She appeared on stage with Dane Cook, her costar in the upcoming “Employee of the Month.” (Here’s Dane Cook’s MySpace)

The MTV Video Music Awards air on Thursday at 8:30 p.m.

Jessica Simpson has reportedly offered Nick Lachey a laughable $1.5 million to settle their divorce amicably. She is said to have made $30 million last year alone, and Nick is legally entitled to half of her earnings during their marriage of over three years. It sounds like Jessica’s father is pressuring her to try to get Nick to settle cheaply:

Sources say Nick will not ask for spousal support, but that he’s not stupid enough to settle for such a low amount. Two weeks ago he was said to be seeking a relatively low $8 million settlement in an effort to get his hands on some quick cash and avoid losing his property. The National Enquirer reported that Nick lowered his settlement request to $5 million hoping that would be a reasonable sum for Jessica.

It seems like Nick is being reasonable and Jessica is being pressured by her family as usual to low-ball the settlement. TMZ quotes Jessica:

Her daddy must not agree.

Meanwhile Jessica may have lost her best friend, hairdresser Ken Paves, to her scheming sister. She lost her other best friend, her assistant Cacee Cobb, less than a month ago. She has been seen out shopping unkempt and alone, and bought up a bunch of “Team Jessica” shirts at an LA Boutique. She is also said to be seeing a therapist to help cope wtih the depression from her divorce and to come to terms with her identity.

Nick, however, has a hot new girlfriend and a successful new album.

Here’s Jessica wearing Ugg-ly boots on a hot day in Hollywood. [via]

Nick Lachey is said to want a quick divorce from Jessica Simpson, and is asking for an $8 million settlement that will help him get out of debt and keep his property:

Star Magazine speculates that Nick may want out of the marriage quickly so that he’ll be free to date Jessica’s ex-assistant Cacee Cobb.

There doesn’t seem to be much truth in reports that Nick and Cacee are an item, though. They were seen talking for a 1/2 hour at a club, but they’re old friends. People quotes a source that denies that they’re an item, and we’re inclined to agree.

Nick recently said the he can’t imagine not getting married again, but that just seems to be the type of guy he is, and he probably doesn’t have anyone in mind. He was said to have flirted with plenty of women at his CD release party.

It seems like Nick’s push to divorce Jessica is all about money.

Here is Jessica in NY on May 12th, [via]

Cacee Cobb, Jessica Simpson’s closest friend and personal assistant for over two years, has moved on to other things. She celebrated her last day on the job May 7th:

A woman impersonating Cacee was arrested last summer after scoring nearly $12,000 in free stuff by capitalizing on Cacee’s association with Jessica Simpson:

Jessica seems to have replaced Cacee as a best friend with hairstylist Ken Paves. They’re photographed everywhere together.

Here’s a nearly ten-minute clip from Newlyweds featuring Cacee after she moved in briefly with Nick and Jessica. The best part is Jessica saying that male ballerinas are called “Ballerino,” the “masculine form” of the word.

People are saying that Cacee has hooked up with Nick Lachey, since she spent nearly a half hour talking to him at a club last week. They know each other well, and it doesn’t seem like it means much.

Here is Jessica outside a NYC recording studio yesterday. [via] and [via]