This one story has made me respect Jessica Simpson. It’s probably not true, as it comes from In Touch Weekly, but I really, really hope there’s a grain of truth in here. According to ITW, Jessica Simpson’s dong-haze has worn off and now she’s looking at Eric Johnson and thinking, “Gee, I wonder if I could do better than this K-Fed mofo.” Apparently, Jess hasn’t set a wedding date, and she changes the subject whenever the wedding is brought up, all because Eric has been annoying the fart out of her.

Jessica Simpson didn’t hesitate before saying “yes” to her boyfriend of barely six months, Eric Johnson, when he proposed in November. But four months later, she still can’t commit to a date.

“I don’t think she’s in any hurry,” her father, Joe, confirms to In Touch. And that could spell big trouble for the couple.

“Whenever her wedding comes up, she changes the subject,” says a friend.

What has caused her to hit the brakes?

“She feels stressed and overworked,” an insider close to Jessica tells In Touch. “She travels almost every week and has a lot of people who depend on her. She is not feeling as excited as she should be about getting married.”

But the more Jessica stalls the wedding, the more needy Eric seems to get. Every time they’re out in public lately, he holds her as close as possible. And while Jessica was once more than happy to lean on Eric, his clinginess is now killing their once-hot romance.

“She used to be so into Eric,” notes the insider. “But they are together all of the time, and it’s starting to annoy her.”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

I would love it if Jessica turned to Eric and asked, “Dude, why don’t you have a job?” But she won’t. She’s already put him on her payroll and he travels with her constantly. I’ve begun to think of Eric like I think of Matthew Rutler, Christina Aguilera’s “handler/boyfriend”. Both Eric and Matthew are basically just their ladies’ assistants, go-to sexual partners and designated drivers. I think their main job description is “don’t let the girl get too wasted, and when she does get blitzed, take her home.” Ah, romance.

I like to think that Jessica’s thought process, below, is “Bitch, did I say you could speak?”

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

This photo might be my favorite photo ever of Jessica Simpson and her K-Fed, Eric Johnson. I like what it says about the couple. Jessica looks kind of drunk, and her attention is being pulled to something else (probably something shiny). Meanwhile, Eric is diverting her, while simultaneously grabbing her purse. It says a lot.

Anyway, these are new photos of Jessica and Eric in London and New York. They were in New York for several days while Jessica had some business meetings – and Eric came along to those meetings, just because. Then she flew him to London, where I think Jessica is doing press for her clothing line. Apparently, they’re staying at Claridge’s, and last night they went to Whiskey Mist and partied and drank until the wee hours of morning. According to the British papers, Whiskey Mist has a dress code. Jessica wore torn jeans – not the kind of “elegance” the British wanted in their establishment, but still, they let her in.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

These are photos of Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson in New York yesterday. Fame Pictures says they were headed into an “office building”. Which makes me think that Jessica is involving Eric in all of her business decisions. I don’t know if she actually is doing that, I just know that it’s what I fear for her. That Jessica is so loved-up that she thinks that there’s nothing wrong with putting her dude on her payroll and inviting him to speak (for her?) during her business meetings.

Speaking of Jessica and money, there have been rumors flying around heavily this week that Jessica is one of the leading contenders to be a judge on Simon Cowell’s new import/export, The X-Factor. The X-Factor is a HUGE show in England, and Cheryl Cole’s career exploded when she became a judge on the British version. Could Jessica be in for the same thing?

Well, the nothing has been confirmed as of yet. Entertainment Weekly and Reuters are saying that Jessica is a long-shot, and that Simon first choices are people like Paula Abdul, Mariah Carey, George Michael, and Nicole Scherzinger (The Pussycat Dolls). However, People Magazine’s sources say that Jess is a front-runner:

Although buzz about which celebrities could join Simon Cowell’s new show The X Factor is already going strong, a new name has been added to the mix. Jessica Simpson is a frontrunner to become one of the judges alongside Cowell, a show insider tells PEOPLE.

“There [are] loads of conversations happening at the moment,” says the source. “No one has been offered a judging role yet as new names keep coming forward who want the role, but there are some frontrunners and it’s fair to say Jessica is one of them. She’s very keen.”

Simpson, 30, has the skills needed for this particular format, which features a $5 million recording contract as the grand prize, says the insider. Still, there are a lot of factors that go in to making the final choice.

“She knows what she is talking about [and] is talented and likable,” the source says. “But Simon’s not in a rush to decide. The judges have to mentor on The X Factor – it’s more than just turning up for a few hours a week to appear on TV.”

The judges will have to “work with contestants on music, dancers, styling,” the source continues. “It’s a lot of work.”

The X Factor, which is already a hit in Cowell’s native U.K., will debut in the U.S. on FOX in the fall, so producers have time to make a careful choice.

“They have to get the decision right, which takes time,” the source says. “Those final decisions may not happen for a few weeks.”

[From People]

I honestly think it wouldn’t be a horrible decision to make Jessica a judge. She’s not the brightest bulb, nor the most hard-working, but she is likeable and sweet, and she’s immensely “watchable”. That being said, out of the list of people given, I’d say they would likely go with Nicole WhatsIt.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Last week, the tabloids revealed that Jessica Simpson was getting serious about losing weight for her wedding. The proof? She hired celebrity trainer and chipmunky, bolt-on-y fraud Tracy Anderson. For the past few weeks, Jessica has barely been seen, and when she has, she’s only been photographed coming out of the gym. These photos are from yesterday – note the Yale sweatshirt. Because Eric went to Yale, get it? He’s her Yalie, and she has the sweatshirt to prove it! Also, she carrying a Louis Vuitton bag to the gym. I think the LV bag might even be her gym bag. Ugh. Last night, Farty got on her Twitter and wrote: “Yes, I am working out, but why is that worth any sorta press? I always take care of myself. Eric and I could get married right now in sweats!”

[From Jessica Simpson’s Twitter feed]

Um, it’s getting press because for a while there, you had gained some noticeable weight. And it’s getting press because it is not always obvious that you “always take care” of yourself. And you could get married in sweats? DO IT!!!! I would love those wedding photos so much. Better yet, get married in your sweats, on the couch, and burp out your vows!!!

Anyway, after she worked out, Jessica decided to undo all of her good work by going to Margarita Thursday or something:

Jessica Simpson let her hair down and got her drink on with her fiancé Eric Johnson and friends at Cabo Cantina Tuesday. The 30-year-old spent the night sipping on margaritas and having a blast catching up with pals. Simpson appeared to be in high spirits, even smiling and waving to the camera once she noticed she’d been spotted!

Jessica and Eric were hanging out with her former assistant Cacee Cobb and longtime boyfriend, actor Donald Faison along with a number of other friends.

However, it wasn’t smiles and laughs all night, according to an eyewitness there was a little tension between the newly engaged couple.

“There was definitely some sort of tension between Jessica and Eric,” Chris Rodriguez tells RadarOnline.com. “She looked upset, and had a weird look on her face at which point Eric got up and walked away.”

[From Radar]

Trouble in farty, couchy, sweatpants, golddigger paradise? It was probably a minor tiff. Or maybe Jessica just let one rip and Eric was “in the line of fire” and he had to move away. You know hers are deadly.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Last week the National Enquirer reported that Jessica Simpson was trying to lose weight for her wedding and that her fiance Eric Johnson was telling her to drop some pounds or the wedding was off. I said that it was likely that Simpson was trying to lose weight for her wedding because that’s what most women do, but that I doubted that Eric had issued an ultimatum or was particularly concerned with Jessica’s weight. He looks like he’s gained a few since hooking up with Jessica anyway.

In this week’s US Weekly, fraud celebrity trainer Tracy Anderson claims that she’s training Jessica and that “this is a big, forever lifestyle shift” for the accidental fashion mogul. Anderson recommends diets that are around the 800 calorie mark a day, well below the 1200 minimum calories recommended by nutritionists. Anderson has no certification or background in nutrition. To be fair, this article doesn’t say that Anderson is giving Simpson diet advice, it’s just implied. Simpson did go on a “cleanse” before starting the program.

Jessica Simpson, 30, has enlisted the help of celeb trainer Tracy Anders, who’s customized a routine that includes dance aerobics, ab work and strength training. After a few weeks of 75-minute, four-day-a-week workouts, “she’s seeing results,” says a pal. “She really loves it. She thinks it’s so much fun.”

The 5-foot-3 margarita and guacamole-loving star even went on a weeklong cleanse to kick start the regime and intends to cut back on fatty favorites for good. “She is in the mind set that this is a big, forever lifestyle shift,” Anderson tells US, adding that she plans to ramp up Simpson’s workouts. “Jessica has a killer body, but when she goes up to two hours, six days a week, then you will really see her transform.”

[From US Weekly, print edition, February 28, 2011]

What the hell is Jessica thinking? She used to work with Harley Pasternak, whose 5-Factor Diet and 5-Factor Fitness programs are actually sensible and easy to follow. (From what I’ve read, I haven’t done them.) She doesn’t need to get caught up with Tracy’s starvation and overexercise program. Everyone else is doing it, so I guess she’s on the bandwagon now. Good luck keeping it up once the big event is over.

Jessica and Eric are shown on 12/31/10. Credit: Fame. Tracy Anderson is shown showing off her bolt ons on 4/20/09. Credit: PRPhotos

Jessica Simpson is the cover girl for the new issue of New York Magazine. Thankfully, the piece isn’t all about her upcoming wedding, or her weight, or her Football K-Fed, or whatever else Farty usually ends up talking about. Instead, the focus is on Jessica’s success as the head of one of the most profitable fashion lines in America. The article states something odd: “Jessica Simpson’s fashion empire… clocked sales around $750 million last year. This year, Simpson, who is 30, will add both a full ready-to-wear collection as well as a “career separates” line to her docket, which should push sales past the billion-dollar mark. And Simpson—or Simpson’s top surrogate, her mother—will sit in a room just like this to approve every single thing that gets her label inside. To put that figure in context, it means Jessica Simpson is doing roughly the same volume in sales as Michael Kors.” Jessica = Michael Kors. Astonishing. The full NY Mag piece is worth a read, but here are some of the quotes from the piece:

Jessica on her line: “I never thought I’d be some fashion mogul!, ”she says, laughing her big, open-mouthed laugh. The unlikeliness of it all is probably the exact reason why it works so well.

Jessica’s business philosophy involves McDonalds: As her business manager, David Levin, explains, the original idea behind Simpson’s fashion brands was this: “A girl could go to the shopping mall with her mother and she’d have a great new outfit and still have some money left for lunch at McDonald’s. She can look like Jessica Simpson, smell like Jessica Simpson, and she can afford it.”

Jessica on the 2009 high-waisted jeans/weight gain incident at a chili cook-off: “I still thought I looked cute,” she says. “I wouldn’t have gone onstage if I didn’t.”

On trends versus basics: “I put everything in the line and then it just blows out,” she says. “We try not to set trends, but you need your trending pieces in every delivery. But those go fast: What you really need is your basics for every type of person. When it comes to other celebrity brands, I think a lot of people do a great job, but it can’t be all about them. Everybody doesn’t want to just look like the celebrity, because they can’t. They just want one element of that style.”

Jessica‘s Me-Maw wears jeggings: “I can fill all different kinds of genres in fashion, music, TV, film, personality,” she says. “I just relate to all of it. So we reach out to all ages. Like just the other day my nana asked for a pair of jeggings because we sent her a pair of boots that went up to her knee, and she was like, ‘For this I think I need a pair of jeggings.’ ”

On meeting Eric: “Was it love at first sight?” asks Simpson. “No. I don’t know if I believe in that. But it was definitely I could love this man. And maybe I already do.”

On the engagement and proposal: “It was a complete shock,” she says, “a beautiful shock. It felt great for somebody to be on his knee, and I had to sit on that knee because I was so excited and overwhelmed I couldn’t even stand. Knowing that I had his knee to sit on in that moment was very magical. The way I always wanted it to be. I think I have a lot of stuff to write now. Not that I’m using him as a muse, but it makes me feel very open to share.”

Oh, Jessica: Johnson is inspiring Simpson, in a New Age–y sort of way. Together they follow the “Artist’s Way” practice of writing down their thoughts free form for an hour each morning. “I just let it flow,” she says. “My fiancé taught me that. He’ll get up in the morning and just write, so nothing blocks his emotional life. It doesn’t even have to be in sentence form; he just gets everything out, and that way he can function without getting in the way of himself, without being aggressive or judgmental. We do that together. Sometimes he takes that hour just reading, we’ll get out of bed and just read aloud to each other. He has so many books. Like, just books and books and books and books.”

[From New York Magazine]

I was applauding her up until she started in with the Eric stuff. Goodness, she’s dumb as a box of hair… specifically when it comes to men. I have to admit, Jessica might have some business acumen, and obviously, she deserves some of the credit for her success in fashion. But on a personal level, about men and about relationships… I just want to sit her down and pat her head and say “No, Farty, you’re doing it wrong.”

Here’s a story I’m hoping is made up. The National Enquirer is reporting that Jessica Simpson’s fiance is telling her that she needs to lose weight or he’s breaking up with her. That’s really harsh, and considering how impressionable and willing to please she is, if this happened I bet it was more of a suggestion than an ultimatum. Here’s the Enquirer’s report, which seems based on known details about Jessica’s diet and weight.

“Diet or we’re done!” Jessica Simpson’s expanding waistline prompted an ugly ultimatum like that from her fiance Eric Johnson – and pals say the blonde beauty is heartsick over vicious weight-related fights that are jeopardizing their wedding plans.

The 5-foot-3 singer is rapidly approaching the 150-pound mark because of her love for Mexican food, margaritas and “anything fried,” an insider told The Enquirer.

“And now it looks like her weight gain is ripping them apart!”

Eric, a former San Francisco 49ers football player, proposed in early November after a six-month courtship. “He is in tip-top shape and feels like Jessica is letting herself go,” divulged the insider.

“They’ve recently had some brutal fights, and finally Eric basically told Jess if she didn’t lose weight soon, he was calling the whole thing off. Eric is a vegan. He exercises daily and counts every calorie.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, February 21, 2011]

I don’t see this happening like this, if at all. Eric knows which side his bread is buttered and Jessica may be eager to keep him, but he’s not going to treat her like she’s expendable. Plus she hasn’t gained that much weight since she started dating Eric, and he’s filled out a little too. In my experience guys don’t really notice if you gain 10 pounds. They’re usually just happy to get laid and aren’t a fraction as hung up on our weight as we are. If anything, Jessica is probably trying to diet and lose weight before the wedding and it’s her own idea, as is typical for brides to be.

I wonder, though, if Jessica is going to postpone her wedding or just take it a little slower now that her little sister Ashlee just filed for divorce. It seems like she might take her time with the planning process if she hasn’t set a date yet.

Photos of Jessica and Eric are from 2/4/11 after they went to lunch. I hope she has JBF hair because that’s the only excuse she could give that would explain it. Credit: Fame

Yesterday, there were some photos floating around of Jessica Simpson drunk off her ass, being escorted out of a sushi place by her fiancé. Unfortunately, we don’t have access to those particular photos, but you can see them here. Fortunately, finding photos of Jessica looking drunk and/or dumb takes about three minutes of searching through our photo archives. So enjoy these older photos while Page Six tries to explain why Jessica was drunk off of her ass on one particular night. Hint: it’s not because she’s an alcoholic. It’s because she had just come off of a detox!

Jessica Simpson was wobbly at Hollywood hot spot Katsuya after sipping sake following days of a detoxing cleanse. She was given a helping hand by her fiancé, Eric Johnson, “after ordering up the most expensive sake and dancing round the table. She had just finished a cleanse and this was the first meal she had eaten in days,” a friend told us.

Simpson let her hair down with a group of pals Monday, when spies said she ordered fried rock shrimp, creamy crab rolls, spicy tuna and crispy rice. Onlookers said Simpson was led out on Johnson’s arm and sat in their car’s passenger seat with her eyes half-closed.

She got engaged to the former NFL star in November, and while no wedding date has been set, pals say she’s determined to tone her famously curvy figure for the big day.

It isn’t known what type of detox Simpson had, but juice-only cleanses are popular in Hollywood — and users are advised to avoid rich food and heavy alcohol right after. A rep for Simpson didn’t get back to us.

[From Page Six]

I’ll buy that Jessica was detoxing. I’ll also buy that she ate a lot of food and drank a lot of liquor and started dancing around the table. I’ll also buy that she “detoxes” many, many nights, and that the girl either can’t hold her liquor, or she has such a high tolerance that she has to drink A LOT to get that blitzed so consistently. Oh well… at least she never drives, you know?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Jessica Simpson’s Twitter-gushing about Eric Johnson is nothing new. It seems like once a month, Jessica tweets a photo of Eric with some kind of dumbass comment about how happy she is to be with a “Yalie” K-Fed or to simply declare that she “has a major crush” on him. Now Jessica has gotten on Twitter to thank her Lord (Lord Nachos, Bourbon Christ, Jesus H. Oreo) for Eric’s sweet ass. Literally, she’s thanking God for Eric’s “tush”. Girl, get it together. We know you’re happy and we’re happy for you too. But enough. He’s a K-Fed and he’s going to divorce you and take your money and it’s going to be a mess. Enough with the cyber-gushing.

Eric Johnson is in Jessica Simpson’s bedtime prayers – or at least part of him.

“Thank you Lord for blessing me with a Man that has the perfect Tush,” Simpson Tweeted on Saturday night. “Laying my hands upon it with peace ”

Simpson, 30, has been gushing on Twitter about her fiancé since they met last spring, posting a picture of a steamy kiss they shared in August, saying, “YUM!” and later calling him a stud.

It’s the not the first time the Push Your Tush singer has rhapsodized about a man’s backside. Even after breaking up with NFL quarterback Tony Romo, she said, “I still look at his cute butt in the outfit – uniform.”

[From People]

Do you like how she capitalized “Tush”? Like it’s a formal noun. Like God. Or Dong. She really is praising it. She should start a church for Golddigging K-Feds with cute butts. Natalie Portman’s fiancé could join!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

OK! Magazine has an absolutely hilarious story in this week’s print edition. It’s all about how Jessica Simpson is embarrassed by Eric Johnson! Not the other way around – Farty McCorndog isn’t embarrassing Eric, HE is embarrassing HER. Because he’s like K-Fed. Or the “ballet K-Fed”. Eric needs a catch-phrase too… “the football K-Fed”. Something like that. Anyway, apparently Jessica is coming to the slow realization (her only kind of realization) that Eric is jobless and that she pays for everything, and that if they get married, it will probably only get worse. What’s especially funny is the story about how Eric got all judgy about Jessica wanting to buy a $4000 Fendi bag. It’s her money, bitch. She can spend it how she wants!

If Eric Johnson is going to marry Jessica Simpson, he’d better learn the importance of an “It” bag. The couple went shopping in the Fendi store in Aspen over New year’s, and a fellow shopper spotted them looking at several $4,000 bags.

“Her fiancé made a comment that he didn’t get what made the bag so expensive – it was just a name – and why did she need it?” the eyewitness says. “Jess rolled her eyes and gave him a dirty look. She tried to laugh it off in front of the salesperson, but you could tell she was mortified.”

It wasn’t the first time Eric embarrassed her. In fact, Eric got so drunk at one of Aspen’s trendiest restaurants, he literally fell to the street as he stumbled out. And even after that, much to Jessica’s chagrin, Eric went on to drink at another restaurant.

And while the couple seems to be in love, his lack of sophistication, style and funds seems to put up a barrier between them. While Eric was once an NFL football player, his career was plagued with injuries and short-lived. Now he’s jobless and Jessica’s fashion business made almost a billion dollars last year.

Jessica is beginning to grow concerned because she pays for everything in the relationship. A source even says: “Jessica wants a super huge wedding, so that means it will be up to her to put up the cash.”

But other friends are concerned that Jess may be realizing she’s made a mistake with Eric.

“The thing is, as much as Jess could not wait to get engaged, she hasn’t actually set a date yet, not has she begun to make plans,” says the source. “It makes you wonder if the wedding will actually come off, or if Jess will get tired of paying the bills and look for a man who is more of a financial equal.”

[From OK Magazine, print edition]

I have two big reasons why I think this report isn’t the whole truth. First, the story about Eric being drunk off his ass. If that happened (probably), it was likely because he was trying to keep up with Jessica and her extremely high tolerance for liquor. Secondly, Jessica isn’t going to call off the wedding. She just isn’t. Let’s be honest, here. She isn’t.

Photos courtesy of Fame.