Jesus Luz really doesn’t look bad at all, does he? He’s not really my type in general, but I like that he looks toned and strong, but he doesn’t go overboard. Of course, it’s kind of easy for a 23 (24?) year old to have a nice body. And this isn’t the first time I’ve seen him shirtless – or even naked (NSFW pic here). But I haven’t seen his naked junk in a while, and I like to keep up. From this distance, you can’t even tall he’s slightly cross-eyed. YAY! And I’m glad he took out the cornrows.

Anyway, this is Jesus’s life. He’s in Rio hangin’ at the beach while mom his girlfriend is working all over, directing and screenwriting W.E. (her film about Wallis Simpson, the Duchess of Windsor) and giving the British people a tremendous amount of angst. Apparently, Madonna has set her sights on the dear departed Queen Mum, Queen Elizabeth (the widow of King George VI and mother of the current QE II). According to sources close to production on W.E., the Queen Mum is sort of the villain in Madonna’s story. Yikes. That’s not the way to make friends with the aristocrats, Madge! Here she is, being a “director” the other day:

Jesus Luz in Rio on Sept. 2, 2010. Madge on August 30, 2010. Credit: Fame.

This isn’t the first time that I’ve noticed Jesus Luz’s Achilles Heel as a model – I noticed this when he was photographed for Interview Magazine a few months ago, when he took these slightly NSFW photos showing off his man-bush. Apparently he thinks if shows off his man-bush (or various other parts of his body) we won’t notice that Jesus is pretty much cross-eyed. No disrespect to people who are actually cross-eyed or whatever, but if you had that condition, would you try to model? If your cross-eyes weren’t bangin’ Madonna’s Gristle, would anyone buy you as a cross-eyed model? Could it be that this “cross-eyed-ness” might explain the relationship between Madge and Jesus? Maybe he literally can’t see Madge the way we see her. Just a thought.

Anyway, these are photos from Jesus’s new ad campaign for Ellus Leather Denim, which I’ve never heard of. The model Jesus is groping is named Cintia Dicker, poor thing.

I honestly think the problem might be that Jesus isn’t actually cross-eyed, he just photographs that way. Like, he’s got all of the elements that would make him pretty, or make him interesting as a model, like good hair and skin, long eyelashes, strong nose, wide mouth, whatever. But by some fluke of photography, those features change in photos and he looks cross-eyed. Or it’s not just the way he photographs, and Madge is bangin’ a dude a lazy eye.

Jesus Luz’s Ellis ad campaign courtesy of HuffPo.

In Touch Weekly’s second biggest story of the week (after the Jesse James/Sandra Bullock/Bombshell fiasco) is that Madonna is officially turning into that creepy lady who smells like Vicks cough drops and thinks it’s “sexy” to grope young men in public. Too harsh? Listen to this story from In Touch about Madge and her undercover boy toy and tell me you don’t feel a shiver of revulsion:

Madonna may be 51, but she still can give a good lap dance! The icon showed up to the Moët & Chandon celebrity photographer Tom Munro private viewing in LA on March 6 with a new younger man, The City star and Dolce & Gabbana model, Adam Senn.

“She arrived with Adam from the back and sat in the VIP area,” an onlooker tells In Touch. “At one point, she got up and started dancing, and he was grabbing her waist and touching her butt. She turned around and gave him a lap dance and he looked like the happiest guy in the world.”

But Madge was keen on keeping her new beau under wraps.

“She made sure no photos were taken.”

[From In Touch Weekly]

No photos? Why, because they would ruin her reputation? Or maybe Jesus has her on a tight leash? Chuckle. Just in case you’d forgotten, this is Adam Senn:

Yeah. He was briefly connected to Lindsay Lohan a few months ago. And Madge’s other boy-toy, Jesus Luz, was connected to Lindsay just a few days ago, when British sources claimed that Lindsay wanted to party with Jesus, and Madge ordered Jesus to refuse Lindsay’s advances. But for about a month, Madge has been quietly and consistently been associated with Adam Senn in the press, at least. I have no idea if this is really happening. If it is, then this dude better get ready for even more sketchy lap dances.

Adam Senn images courtesy of Google Images. Madonna on December 15, 2009 in New York. Credit: Pacific Coast News.

I noticed this totally boring little mini-interview with Jesus Luz in OK! Magazine, and now I’m so glad I did! Jesus is talking about blah, blah, blah, he feels like he’s married to the Madge Vadge, and how people in his family (his parents) always get hitched very young. He kind of sounds like he wants to marry the Madge Vadge for real. Sidenote: Is Jesus a little cross-eyed, or are these just weird photos? Anyway, the best part about it is the little story about Lindsay Lohan that comes at the end. Here’s more:

MADONNA’s boyfriend Jesus Luz says he feels like a married man with a family.

Brazilian model Jesus Luz, who has been dating Madonna for around 15 months, feels like he has a complete family of his own since the pair got together thanks to her four children, Lourdes, 13, Rocco, nine, Mercy, five, and four-year-old David.

The 23-year-old hunk told Brazil’s RG Vogue magazine: “I consider myself a married man. I have a family. At my age, my father was also married. My mother gave birth to me when she was 15.”

While Jesus also admitted in the interview that he can’t help but get jealous of the attention Madonna receives, it seems he is not the only one.

It has been claimed the 51-year-old singer banned her boyfriend from partying with Lindsay Lohan at the VIP Room nightspot in Paris, France recently.

A source told the Daily Mirror: “Lindsay got her people to phone the club to try and hang out with him. She knew he was hosting a night there with Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz.”

“But when Madonna’s people heard, they put a block on it. Jesus wasn’t one to argue, he didn’t want to upset Madonna and was just there to work. Lindsay had to make to with a night in her hotel.”

[From OK! Magazine]

Oh, yes! Madge has a rule for her boy-toys: no Lohan. It’s not the worst rule, actually. In the Daily Mirror’s report, they call this Madonna’s “11th commandment – thou shalt not flirt with young starlets.” The rest of the report OK! Magazine already talked about. You know Lindsay wanted desperately to do her drunken, cracked-out mating call for Jesus. By the way, I think Lindsay’s mating call is something like, “You got any blow? I’ll, like, trade, or whatever. You wanna?”

Jesus in Paris on March 12, 2010. Lindsay in London on March 13, 2010. Credit: ANG/Fame Pictures and INFphoto.com.

There are two slightly funny stories about Jesus Luz in the Murdoch-owned papers today. The first is a little piece from Page Six about Jesus being a weeper. Apparently, when Jesus was deejaying in Rio de Janeiro, someone heckled Jesus to his face. Jesus then cried like a little girl! Chuckle.

Jesus Luz had a bad night in Rio on Sunday. Madonna’s boy toy was deejaying at a party for the best samba schools that participated in Carnival when a guest came up and threw beer in his face, saying, “Get out of here, I don’t wanna see your face here anymore!”

As reported by iG Gente magazine, Luz “went to a corner and started to cry.” He only finished the gig when four bodyguards were assigned to flank him.

But Luz might have the last laugh — he just signed with Warner Music, Madge’s label, and will release his first record in April.

[From Page Six]

Ah, yes. Jesus signed a record deal. Did you know that deejays get their own recording contracts? They do. If they’re dating Madge, and Madge pulls crazy strings. Seriously, The Sun claims that Madge had to agree to some pretty hardcore terms to secure Jesus’ contract – and even then, she was only able to get him a two-single deal:

MADONNA’s toyboy JESUS LUZ has signed a record deal – and will release a single by the summer. I’d like to say he managed to secure the contract all on his own thanks to his amazing talents. But the almighty herself put in more than a word.

The Queen Of Pop used all her might and muscle to get the model – who flaunted his own muscle on the beach in Rio de Janeiro yesterday – signed up by her former label Warners.

The Brazilian’s first single We Came From Light will be issued in the first half of May. Protective Madge had to make some uncharacteristic concessions to secure its release.

She rarely gives permission for any of her iconic back catalogue to be used in adverts. But in order to get execs to sign up her fella, she relented and classics Vogue and Like A Prayer have been licensed for a major advertising campaign Stateside.

A source said: “Madonna was determined to give Jesus all the help she can. She holds a lot of sway at Warners, where she had a deal until very recently. But getting him on the books wasn’t completely plain-sailing. There was a little give and take between her and execs, but a compromise was eventually settled upon.”

Jesus has a two-single deal, with the label allowed first refusal on an album as well. An initial version of the club track featured vocals from her Madgesty herself, but that’s unlikely to get a full release. It’s more likely to feature as a B-side or on a remix.

Generous Madonna has also been covering all of Jesus’s expenses, including his hefty studio costs. And she been calling on other old pals, including legendary remixer VICTOR CALDERONE. The dance music heavyweight has had a long association with Madonna, retooling much of her back catalogue, such as Frozen and American Pie. And he’s been busy toying around with Jesus’s tracks.

The source added: “Madonna really wants Jesus’s career to take off. She’s been going through her Filofax and putting him in contact with as many of her influential pals as she can. She’s worked with Victor for a very long time and he understands just what she likes. Having him rejig Jesus’s tracks will give them a cool cachet which is essential to building a clubland buzz.”

Friends in high places, eh?

[From The Sun]

If this is true (big if), then it shows that Madge really does A) Care for Jesus or B) Want him to get a real job. Because Madge hates to give up anything. She hates to spend money, she hates to give up her musical rights, she hates to be in a position of weakness (in business). So which is it? Does Madge love her Jesus, or was she just tired of him sitting around the house? My opinion: she knows that she and Jesus aren’t going to be forever, so she wants to ensure that he’s set up professionally whenever she does dump him. She takes care of her boy-toys!

Jesus and Madonna in Brazil on February 13 & 14, 2010. Credit: INFphoto.com and Bauer-Griffin.

Well, it seems the reports might have been wrong! Not only has Madonna made a $1.5 million investment in special, Brazilian “youthful” coconut water, she’s also continuing to make a significant investment in Jesus Luz’s sweet nectar of youth. Gatecrasher reports that the rumors of a Jesus-Madge split - spread earlier this week – are false. Because apparently, Jesus and Madge were all over each other in London earlier this week. Who knows?

Back off, cougars of the world –Jesus Luz remains Madonna’s man.

Despite rumors the Material Mom had dumped her Brazilian boy toy, we hear the two appeared very much together at the London premiere party for “A Single Man” on Monday night.

“They were all over each other and were even kissing in front of everyone,” a spy on the other side of the pond dishes of the duo, who snuck into the famed Harry’s Bar around 11 p.m. “They looked like they were still very much an item,” although the snitch added that while Jesus snuck out right before the party ended, Madonna stayed until the venue closed.

“Tom Ford was there, and she looked like she wanted to talk to him before she left for the evening,” the source says. “But there’s no doubt she and Jesus were at the party together.”
Madge even buried the hatchet for the evening: She was also spotted chatting with her ex, Guy Ritchie.

While the Queen of Pop may not be single, that doesn’t mean she can’t mingle: We hear she also enjoyed herself in NYC on Wednesday night — having a great time but certainly not stepping out on her man.

“She came into SL with a huge entourage of guys, but it looked very friendly,” a snitch dishes. “At first, she was blocked off by security, but as the night went on she was having such a good time that she was out dancing like everyone else.”

The 51-year-old still knows how to party: Our spy says that she even had a dance-off with the members of her posse, which included Knicks player Danilo Gallinari.

“They made a huge circle, and Madonna looked like she was competing with [“The Hurt Locker’s”] Anthony Mackie and Jeremy Renner. Madonna looked really happy and like she was having a good time, but any attention she got from the men was definitely platonic.”

Well thank God — err, Jesus — for that!

[From Gatecrasher]

Yeah, I could see this. I think Jesus and Madge will break up when she’s ready to break up, and not a minute before. I tend to think of Jesus as Madge’s employee more than anything else – and he wouldn’t “dump” her without giving his two weeks notice.

However, In Touch Weekly does claim that there is trouble in Madge-and-Jesus-ville. Apparently, Madge is quite “bored” with Jesus, and she’s “distancing herself from him” because she’s “rekindled a friendship with her ex-husband Sean Penn.” Which has been my theory for a little while – that Madge’s next “boyfriend” will be a rekindled relationship with Sean Penn. We know he’s a repeat offender, at least in love. Anyway, Madge is “physically attracted to Jesus, but that is pretty much about it now… she’s already hinting that her relationship with him is coming to an end, but she’ll keep him as a friend.” I think “keep him as a friend” = payroll.

Photos of Madonna and Jesus Luz from their infamous 2009 W Magazine photo shoot, courtesy of W Magazine and The Hollywood Gossip.

The fairy tale romance between 51 year-old Madonna and 23 year-old model/DJ boyfriend, Brazilian Jesus Luz, may be over. Bill Zwecker of the Chicago Sun Times reports that Jesus broke up with Madonna, but that it was “totally amicable” and Madonna was ok with it. You know that Madonna’s camp did not leak this news if it was Jesus that did the dumping, not her. Here’s the brief report on their split:

While it’s true that Madonna and Jesus Luz, her boytoy of the past year, have gone their separate ways — it not only was totally amicable, but it was Luz who initiated the split. Apparently, the 23-year-old Brazilian realized their age difference (she’s 51) and overall lack of mutual interests nixed a long-term relationship.

[From Sun Times]

Last week we heard that Madonna had a secret weekend hookup with her ex, Alex Rodriguez, in mid January. Maybe Madonna was “cheating” on her younger kept lover, or maybe she was consoling herself in the arms of an ex, fantasizing of sweet centaur loving.

It’s good news that Jesus has cut Madonna lose. He may miss out his allowance, but he’ll be able to forge his own way in life without answering to a girlfriend as old as his grandmother. And we won’t have to read any more speculation that Madonna and Jesus are trying for a baby.

There’s a story that Madonna has taken up with an “a retired Wall Street exec” and Kabbalah devotee in his mid 70s. The two were supposedly seen making out, but this story originated with “Brangelina” author Ian Halperin. There’s less than a 50/50 chance of a story from Halperin being based on more than his imagination.

Jesus and Madonna are shown with Mercy and David on 8/17/09. Credit: Fame Pictures

Let’s hope this story is made up, but British paper The Sun claims that 51 year-old pop star Madonna is hoping to conceive a child with her much younger lover Jesus Luz, 22. Women have become pregnant through in vitro fertilization into their 60s, with the oldest known mother at 67. The key is to use donor eggs so that the pregnancy is viable. Most US fertility clinics have age limits for attempting pregnancy in post menopausal women, with the most liberal going up to 52. If this report is true, Madonna’s clock is just about to stop ticking even with help from the latest scientific advances. Madonna doesn’t let much get in her way, so I can see how she would think this is both possible and a good idea:

Madonna is trying for a baby with her toyboy lover Jesus Luz.

The Queen of Pop – who already has four kids – has consulted doctors about conceiving another child at the age of 51, pals said.

Brazilian Jesus, who at 22 is less than half Madge’s age, has told her that becoming a father would be “his greatest adventure”.

She is said to have agreed he would make a “fantastic dad” and told friends: “I have endless love in my heart for another child.”

Madge already has daughter Lourdes, 13, by Carlos Leon and son Rocco, nine, by ex-husband Guy Ritchie.

She is also mum to her adopted Malawian orphans David Banda and Mercy James, both four.

A close pal, who calls Madonna by her preferred nickname Em, said: “Em says motherhood is her greatest achievement and the most fulfilling thing in her life.

“She knows that, at 51, it’s going to be harder to conceive naturally. But she is Olympic-athlete fit and is ready for the challenge.”

Madge has been with Jesus for more than two years, meeting him during a photo-shoot in Brazil shortly after she divorced Sherlock Holmes movie director Guy, 41. The pal added: “Jesus is very religious and deeply in love with her.

“He adores her kids but has always wanted a child of his own.

“He told Em fatherhood would be his greatest adventure, and that he wanted to go on this journey with her.”

[From The Sun]

Of course Jesus wants a baby with Madonna. That would secure him a nice payday for years to come. 22 year-old guys do not generally yearn for children as they have plenty of time left. It’s understandable that Madonna wants another baby for her nannies and staff to raise. Babies are so cute and provide so many magical moments and photo opportunities. They also might keep a 30 years-younger lover on the hook once he starts earning his own money and realizing what he’s missing.

Here are Madonna and Jesus boarding a helicopter in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil on 1/14/10. Credit: WENN.com

Jesus Luz is profiled in the February issue of Interview Magazine, and these are some of the incredible photos from the Interview shoot. Okay, here’s the note I sent to CB about these: “A polite question about pubic hair – Can we show this sh-t? There’s no d-ck in the photo, but just barely. Jesus Luz’s forest is quite plentiful.” Now, I’m not one of those women who likes her men to be hairless, waxed, sucked and plucked. I don’t think Jesus needs to wax his junk, but perhaps a trim? Madonna is so obsessed with her appearance, don’t you think she could reach over with the hair clippers and just give his man-bush a little pruning? On my second glance, you know what I think? I think when Jesus covers part of his face, he could totally pass for Carlos Leon. Madge has a type, doesn’t she?

Anyway, Jesus is interviewed too, but I can’t even think straight. Here’s the full interview (conducted by Jonathan Durbin), and here are some highlights:

DURBIN: How did you get your name?
LUZ: My father [gave me] my name because he always admired Jesus Christ as the most philosophical mind of all time. So, when he named me, in his heart and his head, he made a deal, like, I’m going to name you Jesus so everything good in life is going to come to you because they’re going to make the homage to Jesus. It’s a very special name. My name is “Luz,” too, which means “light.” So I feel like if I have this name that’s so special, I should attract good energy.

DURBIN: I read that you studied theater when you were a kid. What led you to that? Was there an actor or piece of work that inspired you to go into that?
LUZ: It’s hard to tell who was in my mind when I was a kid, but now my favorite actors are Jack Nicholson and Selton Mello, a Brazilian actor. Jack Nicholson is like, you know, I don’t even have to describe him—he’s amazing. Selton Mello is one of the biggest actors in Brazil.

DURBIN: What do you think are some misconceptions that people have about you?
LUZ: About my personality, many people speak before they know me.

DURBIN: Would you describe yourself as a private person?
LUZ: Not private, but discreet.

DURBIN: So where do you see yourself going? Modeling? Music?
LUZ: Everything.

DURBIN: Acting as well?
LUZ: Yeah, everything . . . Actually, I really need to go now because my Kabbalah teacher just came here to talk to me again.

DURBIN: I actually wanted to talk to you about Kabbalah and the crazy attention—
LUZ: I just need to go—I’m really sorry.

[From Interview]

I swear to God those are the highlights. Jesus talks forever about being a deejay, and while, you know, good for him, it’s so boring. Now I know why Madge didn’t let him speak for so long – talking to him is like watching paint dry. My favorite part was when he had to go because his Kabbalah teacher came in. Sad! Anyway, let’s look at more pictures of the man-bush…

Jesus Luz photos courtesy of Interview online and HuffPo.

The New York Times has an epic profile of Madonna’s boy-toy/lover/in-house-deejay Jesus Luz. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on with the NYT lately, because their celebrity coverage seems all over the place. Two examples: this weekend’s strange, overly-critical piece about Brad Pitt and the Make It Right Foundation, and secondly, the weirdly complimentary profile of Megan Fox and her dumb, vapid media strategy several weeks ago in the NYT Magazine. Now comes this Jesus Luz piece, which is just fluff, legitimized as some kind of exploration of how and why Jesus became famous. I’ll boil it down for everyone: because he’s bangin’ The Gristle.

The NYT goes on and on painting a picture of The Epic Rise of Jesus, and much of it is pretty boring. But there were some interesting pieces of info. Like, all this time I though his name was pronounced Hay-soos Looz. Not so much. Jesus corrects everyone, and claims the Portuguese pronunciation of his name is actually “Zhay-ZOOSE. Loose.” Seriously! Here are some of the highlights (complete NYT piece here):

Before Madonna: Jesus made $500 a day as a model in Rio de Janeiro, said Sérgio Mattos, his agent at the time. Then in December 2008 he landed a shoot with Madonna for W magazine in which the two played lovers in a Rio hotel. “At the moment he met Madonna, I never see him after that,” said Mr. Mattos in a telephone interview. “I sent him to the job and after that he changed phone numbers and I never see him again.”

Deejaying for $15,000 for 90 minutes: Jesus enrolled at a D.J. school in Manhattan and in no time has landed high-profile gigs. For the 90-minute set he was spinning Nov. 12, only his second professional D.J. outing in the city, he was being paid around $15,000, said Matthew Isaacs, a promoter who had booked him, at a lower cost, to spin two nights later at Hiro in the meatpacking district.

Jesus on deejaying: “I love the energy of the crowd,” Luz said, stepping away from the D.J. stand to pose for photos with admiring female fans. “It’s good to have two careers going on, modeling and D.J.ing. I feel good.”

Jesus on his name: Before Mr. Luz, muscular and curly haired with piercing blue eyes, returned to the laptop and mixing board, he explained the proper way to say his first and last names: “Zhay-ZOOSE. Loose.”

Jesus on Madonna: “I don’t talk about my girlfriend. Let them come to their own conclusions.” (Through a spokeswoman, Madonna declined to comment for this article.)

Jesus on Kabbalah: “When I was a teenager, I thought I couldn’t do nothing in my life. I felt very hopeless. And then something started to happen.” He studied Buddhism and yoga and an ex-girlfriend introduced him to kabbalah. “I’m just looking for something to make me strong, and kabbalah has given me that,” he said. “I’m looking for something to make me comfortable and happy in my life.”

Does Jesus get an allowance from Madonna? Although some gossip Web sites have reported that Madonna pays Mr. Luz an “allowance,” he said that was ridiculous. “I’m laughing so loud,” he said.

Jesus on his love of New York: “I like the strong energy of the people in the city and how they work and run behind your ideals here,” he said. “It is very contagious in a good way. Sometimes when I look at the Statue of Liberty, I feel a sensation similar to when I look at the statue of Christ in Rio.”

[From The New York Times]

They go on and on about the deejaying career, but they do note that people are only hiring Jesus with the hope that Madonna will show up to support him. Which is sad, I think. I mean, sometimes I do feel for this kid, especially now that he’s said Madge doesn’t even give him an allowance. I shouldn’t be surprised though – Madonna is famously cheap, and she’s also delusional enough to think that Jesus should be grateful to be with her and she shouldn’t have to give him money. I’m starting to get the feeling that Jesus works his ass off to try to keep Madge happy and keep the modeling and deejaying gigs coming so he can save enough for a rainy day. Zhay-ZOOSE!!

Jesus “Zhay-ZOOSE” Luz deejaying in Rio De Janeiro on October 22, 2009. Credit: Bauer-Griffin. Also, Jesus in Rio on November 11, 2009. Credit: Fame.