Is there any doubt that Jessica Simpson is a hustler? She’s making the talk show rounds to promote Fashion Star, using her unique brand of low-brow gross-out overshare humor. Have we had another celebrity like this? I mean there’s Snooki, there’s Jenny McCarthy (who merges sexy with gross) and there’s Jessica, who just laughs and talks about how she doesn’t brush her teeth, use birth control, or try to hold in her farts. I’m not even exaggerating with her, she does all these things and it doesn’t even seem like she’s trying to be self-deprecating. She just thinks that it’s interesting to us and that it’s normal to talk like this during nationally televised interviews.

Anyway last night Jessica was on Jimmy Kimmel, where she confirmed US Weekly’s exclusive that she was having a boy. It was a mistake though supposedly, because she dropped it in a joke about “weiners.” That was so planned. I can’t even with this girl, so I’m going to just use Buzzfeed’s excellent compilation of the ridiculous things she said:

“I can’t believe I’m pregnant again.”
“I keep planning on getting married but then I keep getting knocked up.”

“Maybe I should go back to when I was younger I was a virgin before I was married. So maybe I should just completely reverse and stop having sex until Eric and I are married.”

“I would really like to stop being pregnant.”

“Yeah, I’ve been vomiting… The crazy thing is that I never knew that a weiner could actually make me nauseous. Oh shucks! Well I guess told the world that I’m having a boy!”

“I just did it so crude, too. I feel awful. I talked about wieners!”

[From Buzzfeed]

Buzzfeed has the videos of Jessica’s interview if you’re interested, but those quotes pretty much say it all. She always says stuff like this, and now she’s taking it to the next level while using an “aw shucks” act to make it sound accidental. As I mentioned yesterday, I think this is going to get worse, especially when she’s promoting that sitcom she’s allegedly doing.

Here’s a clip of Jessica’s interview with Kimmel:

Jessica posted these photos on her Twitter recently:

Photos courtesy of WENN, Jessica’s Twitter.

As soon as I saw that Brandi Glanville had appeared on Watch What Happens Live on Monday night, I knew this week was going to be heavy on the LeAnn-Brandi Dramz. Those two just can’t keep their damn hands off of each other (metaphorically). I figured that LeAnn would find some excuse to do another interview, not realizing that she was already scheduled to appear on Jimmy Kimmel’s new late-night show. She made her appearance last night! Here’s a video clip – Kimmel brings up the Brandi stuff within two minutes I think.

The war-of-words between LeAnn Rimes and Brandi Glanville hit the late night circuit Tuesday, with LeAnn telling Jimmy Kimmel that despite her best attempts to distance herself from her husband Eddie Cibrian‘s ex-wife, “There comes a time when you’re just like, ‘Screw you!’”

The How Do I Live singer, who said she had a hoarse voice because of allergies, wore her hair in a teased 80′s style to go with white skinny jeans and platform stilettos. The interview came less than a day after Brandi ripped LeAnn on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live, calling the singer “insane,” implying Eddie’s only with her for her money, and mocking her admitted struggles overdoing it on Twitter. When asked about the ‘insane’ comment, Rimes – who claimed she does not watch RHOBH – quipped, “I am. Clearly. Clearly.”

When asked about her rivalry with The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star, LeAnn said, “I think it’s kind of interesting how it seems one-sided most of the time — but then, you know, you just kinda get fed up with people lying about you.”

Kimmel reassured the veteran singer, noting that she’s got something the Real Housewives lack — talent.

“I usually don’t engage, but there comes a time when you’re just like, ‘Screw you.’

“That’s it, and that’s all you wanna say and you’re like, ‘I’m done with this now,’ for like another three months.”

With her new album Spitfire coming out soon, the 30-year-old singer said that her personal life does creep into her art, at times.

“Oh yes, I see here on the track listing, ‘Burn in Hell Real Housewives,’” Kimmel said. “That’s a good one, is that about them?” Spitfire hits stores on Tuesday, April 9.

[From Radar]

I don’t really want to get into the analysis of this little detail or quote here, suffice to say that I don’t think this interview did LeAnn any favors. I think it’s hilarious that she felt like she had to go injury-for-injury, exhaustion-for-exhaustion, illness-for-illness with Kimmel. Like she has to keep emphasizing how sickly she is and how people need to pay attention to her. Poor Leelee. And does anyone else think it’s hilarious how much promotion LeAnn is doing for her album… which doesn’t come out until April? She’s just desperate to talk and give interviews.

Photos courtesy of LeAnn’s Twitter.

Jimmy Kimmel covers the latest issue of Rolling Stone, but we’re not publishing the cover because it features some serious Kimmel butt crackage. On the cover, Kimmel poses as a stereotypical plumber in front of a kitchen sink, and if you really want to see what he’s got going on down there, the NSFW cover can be viewed here. We’re not going there for obvious reasons.

The portions of the Rolling Sone interview that have been released are sightly inflammatory in that Kimmel openly smokes a lot of weed with the journalist, Jonah Weiner. He also talks smack about Jay Leno. (David Letterman recently told Oprah that Leno is “the most insecure person I have ever known,” so these two are possibly reigniting a new round of late-night wars.) Honestly, I have never found Jay Leno funny at all, and even his very early work is just as snooze-worthy as his new stuff. But the guy brings in an audience because he somehow managed to oust Conan O’Brien from NBC and resurrect the ratings. I suspect that little trainwreck is still getting under Kimmel and Letterman’s respective skins. What Leno did to Conan was “uncool.” Here are those excerpts from Kimmel’s Rolling Stone interview:

On Jay Leno: “As a comedian, you can’t not have disdain for what he’s done. He totally sold out. He was a master chef who opened a Burger King.”

On David Letterman: Kimmel takes the high road when it comes to Letterman though. “If I beat David Letterman in the ratings, does that mean I’m better than Letterman? No f***ing way.”

On Jimmy Fallon: He’s “a worthy competitor.”

How he spends his downtime: “If we smoke weed right now, is that on the record? “I don’t know if I want this in the story,” Kimmel, 45, says, padding off to retrieve his stash. “My kids are gonna read this…” He returns with a vacuum-sealed baggie bulging with buds the size of baby Brussels sprouts.

[From Rolling Stone and Radar]

I’m not at all surprised that Kimmel sat down and smoked some dope with a journo because — let’s face it — the guy looks pretty damn baked a great deal of the time already. The fact that he’s choosing to talk out of school about his fellow late-night hosts is also not shocking at all. They’re all terribly competitive, and I suppose it stands to reason that they should be. Kimmel himself is a pretty funny guy on his own show although he only ranks third in my book with the list as follows: (1) Dave Letterman; (2) Craig Ferguson; (3) Jimmy Kimmel; (4) Conan O’Brien; (5) Jimmy Fallon; and (6) Jay Leno. As you can see, I’m not a Leno fan at all, so I find it fairly amusing to witness almost anyone talking smack about him.

Here’s Kimmel with his fiancée, Molly McNearney, who is also the co-writer of his “Live!” show. She’s pretty cute, right?

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN

I kind of forgot this was happening, so it was a nice treat to sit and watch this interview this morning. Robert Pattinson appeared on Jimmy Kimmel last night, and much like last week’s Daily Show interview, Sparkles was lovely and funny. And rather sexy too. Sparkles is getting progressively better at television interviews, although as I always said – he gives good interviews in general. He’s a funny, sweet, self-effacing young man.

No one is mentioning the name “Kristen Stewart” in here, although Jimmy did get Rob to admit that he’s “still homeless.” Because he’s moved out of the house he shared with Kristen! Rob said, “I still am. No, I rented this archway and I just live behind it. In one of those trash cans.” Rob and Jimmy also spent a lot of time talking about Rob’s (hilariously cheap) insistence on buying everything off of Craigslist, including his current ride, a 2011 Silverado. Rob said, “I buy everything off Craigslist, my friends, that’s what I was initially looking on it for.”

I think the funniest story Rob tells is how he used to cycle in a popular gay cruising site, and he didn’t even realize it until there was a police raid: “I used to turn up at this parking lot looking at everyone like, ‘Why are all these guys sitting around in their cars all the time?’ And I’m going there everyday kind of thinking nothing of it, coming out in my little Lycra pants, and one day there was a big raid.” I’ve included the whole interview below…

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

Here are some photos of Lindsay Lohan arriving in Washington, DC for the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, which was last night. We don’t have a lot of photos from the event (honestly, we don’t have any so far) – you can see some here. Lindsay was there, as was Kim Kardashian, Sofia Vergara, George Clooney, Steven Spielberg, etc. Guess what? George didn’t bring Stacy Keibler!!!! She had been tweeting about her dress fittings and everything, and then he didn’t bring her. Clooney told Politico, “She couldn’t make it. She’s working.” She got a gig on Men at Work, it’s true. But I still feel like there’s probably trouble in paradise.

Anyway, I watched the speeches last night, and I have to say… the president was hysterical. He was funnier than Jimmy Kimmel. Or should I say… the president has funnier speechwriters than Kimmel? No, I actually think the president is just a funny guy. I love when he laughs at his own jokes. I loved his Hillary Clinton “drunk-texting” joke, and his “wink” at being born in Hawaii, and I LOVED his super-PAC ad about dogs. Here’s Pres. Obama’s full speech… it’s worth watching the whole thing, but the fake commercial (voiceover by Will Arnett) begins around the 12-minute mark:

And here’s Jimmy Kimmel’s speech. Some of his jokes were really good, but some just fell flat. Kimmel also uses the word “a–hole” at one point, which… I mean, it doesn’t bug me, but usually the comedians try to keep it clean, especially considering most of the cable news networks are running it live. Also loved his jokes about the Secret Service, and his name-checking Kim Kardashian and even Lindsay Lohan. Love the joke about who Obama was going to kill next, on the year anniversary of Osama Bin Laden’s death.

See? Kimmel was funny, but the president was much better.

Here are some more photos from Twitter:

Sofia Vergara on WhoSay

Sofia Vergara on WhoSay

Photos courtesy of WENN, Sofia Vergara’s Twitter, Kim Kardashian’s Twitter.

Did you see the segment that Jimmy Kimmel put out after Halloween in which he asked parents to tell their kids that they’d eaten all their Halloween candy, tape it and post the videos on YouTube? You can watch it here if you missed it, and it’s hilarious. Well Jimmy did a repeat performance for us with Christmas presents. He asked parents to tell their kids that they were going to let them open one gift ahead of time and to give them something they’d never want. There were a lot of half-eaten sandwiches, gifts for girls given to boys, and disappointed kids. In most instances the kids got mad or upset, and one little girl was hilariously philosophical about it. I watched this video with my seven year-old son and didn’t realize that he would learn a very naughty phrase until it aired at the end. He repeated it a few times, I told him it was inappropriate, then we watched the video again. I’ll include some of my thoughts below in the format that Kaiser uses for music videos:

:44 – these kids are too young to prank like this

:50 – there’s nothing funnier than a kid eating bad food

1:00 – the battery girl is thrilled, but her sister is thinking “I got an onion, I must hide my disappointment.”

1:20 – did you see that dog eat the hot dog? That was the best part, and these kids are good sports.

1:38 – aw, I feel for that kid. “This is the worst present ever.”

1:44 – this girl is the little star of the video. She’s adorable and her brother cracks me the hell up. She gets a 1/2 eaten sandwich and then tries to explain to her mother why she’s not grateful for it, like she is for dinner. “I appreciate her getting us a present, but I didn’t know it would be like that. It’s a sandwich of mine. I love your cooking when you cook like, dinners. Like hot pockets.”

2:30 – this video is so wrong. Why would you post this video publicly after your kid screamed and cried like this? Why would you even continue taping and torturing him without letting him know it’s a joke? The kid cries to his dad. Santa’s “putting you on the naughty list! Because you gave me a stupid Hello Kitty sweater.”

3:30 – The best part is when the mom excitedly tells her daughter that a regular potato is a Mr. Potato Head. Her son tries to make sense of it. “Santa did not have those things. I saw you out at the car… Those things are not from Santa Claus.”

3:40 – someone turn off the camera for this poor kid already!

4:00 – This mom is so deadpan in her delivery. This is payback from this mom. She knows what’s she’s doing.

4:30 – These kids are old enough to be in on the joke. “Tell [Jimmy Kimmel] to suck my balls.” Oh damn! I just hope my kid doesn’t remember that, but you know he will.

Image below via Daily Picks and Flicks

Denise Richards was a guest on the Jimmy Kimmel show last night. I had a hard time paying attention to the things she said because she was boring as usual and I was mesmerized by the glow emanating from her skin. I swear I could hear it buzzing faintly in a recurring pattern. Cooked turkey-looking Denise was promoting her new memoir, The Real Girl Next Door. She told the same story we’ve heard from her before, about how she figured out that she was surrounded by hookers and johns that fateful night at dinner at the Plaza Hotel in New York when her ex Charlie Sheen wigged out on a prostitute. In Denise’s version she’s both naive and open minded about the situation, which is how she tells it in her book as well.

Denise described her book as a “tell some” instead of a “tell all” and said that Charlie was fine with it. Of course he is, this woman makes him look better every time she opens her mouth. I’m sure it pays off for her to be on Charlie’s good side as well. She’s skirting a fine line between acknowledging that Charlie has issues and not pissing him off at all and so far she’s done that wonderfully. If only she could reach that same kind of balance with her fake bake. Denise explained “I have Charlie down, I know how to take care of him. But not that way. We have a brother and sister relationship now.”

When I first saw these photos I thought that the lighting must be off to be making Denise look that cooked. Check out the videos below though. She really is that fried.

Denise Richards on Jimmy Kimmel Part 1. Denise tells the hookers at dinner story around 2:00

Part 2. She talks about Charlie’s porn family at around 1:00. “At first he wanted me to move in with them, which was a kind invitation but I’m like, ‘this I cannot explain to the kids.’”

Here she is in June with a normal hue:

Fake bake photos credit: Pacific Coast News. Other photo credit: WENN

Comments against Elisabeth Hasselbeck start at 2:20

Sharon Osbourne never fails to give obnoxious quotes and start feuds with just about anyone who’ll take her bait. In an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel last week, Sharon and her filled frozen face made some comments against the token conservative on The View. Sharon is about to star in an all-female panel-based talk show on CBS, which is how the topic came up. She also spoke out against the reality shows her show The Osbournes helped spawn.

On Reality Shows
They are so crap these reality shows now. They just get worse and worse and worse… there’s a bunch of kids that love to party – let’s watch ‘em… Why would anybody watch that? Why would an adult watch Jersey Shore?

On if her new talkshow will be like The View
F-ck no. We’re very different women, we’ve got different opinions and we’re not miserable and dry… it’s totally different… I think ours will be edgier and more real, and not so trying to be politically correct and like you’ve got a stick up your ass and you’re all dry.

On her least favorite member of The View
Oh that little blonde idiot. [faux retches]
You know what she needs? She needs a good shtupping by a football team. She needs to get some humor there, you know it’s like ‘lighten up, bitch.’

Once Sharon gets on a roll there’s no stopping her. I find her kind of tedious, and I won’t watch this new show. The show is a decent idea on paper – in terms of marketshare and potential ratings, etc. It will probably suck in it’s own way, but I doubt that it can be worse than the original. She also has a point with the “stick up their arse” comments, especially when Babs and her disapproving stare are on. Plus Hasselbeck is really humorless and she always tries to drive every point she has into the ground. Leave it to Sharon to tell it like it is. Her schtick will get old fast though once she’s on television for an hour every day. I wonder if she’ll get into any hair-pulling fights with the guests.

Look at that face – isn’t she lovely?

Last night after the Oscars and local news Jimmy Kimmel aired a funny skit called The Handsome Men’s Club featuring cameos by such attractive souls as Sting, Patrick Dempsey, a shirtless Gilles Marini (from Sex and The City), Rob Lowe, John Kraskinski, Matthew McConaughey, Ethan Hawke, Josh Hartnett, Taye Diggs, Tony Romo, Keith Urban, Lenny Kravitz, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. The bit went on way too long and was just an excuse to add cameos by countless celebrities. Every time you turned around it seemed a new celebrity was shown sitting around the ever-expanding table. The premise was that Kimmel was the head of the self-obsessed Handsome Men’s Club and was being voted out by the members for not being handsome enough. Matthew McConaughey challenged Kimmel’s presidency and then Rob Lowe pointed out that Kimmel was wearing Spanx. Kimmel countered that he looked just like Taye Diggs, to which Taye and the members objected.

The whole thing was ridiculous and was capped off in true Kimmel style with his buddies Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Affleck voted against Kimmel, shamefaced, and then Damon entered at the end and laughed maniacally, telling us we were out of time (a long running Kimmel gag). Next we saw Kimmel in bed spooning with his lover Affleck, realizing the whole thing was a bad dream. Affleck reassured Kimmel that he was attractive and was his “big daddy handsome,” at which point Ben’s wife, Jennifer Garner, popped out of bed and said “Ben, that’s enough, it’s getting weird.”

I didn’t think Kimmel could top his “f’ing Ben Affleck” response to then-girlfriend Sarah Silverman’s viral video, “I’m f’ing Matt Damon.” He did, though, sort of. It was more by sheer star power rather than hilarity, although I was pretty amused, particularly by Damon. He always manages to crack me up.

Under pretty much any circumstance, I find Sarah Silverman to be supremely annoying. I don’t find her funny, I think her “I’m so dirty and naughty and I’m just a girl isn‘t it avant-garde?” act is tired and condescending. All of that being said, the interview excerpts from Sarah’s cover interview for Page Six Magazine made me a little sad. She tells the magazine that her current boyfriend is “the first guy in a decade who’s given me any kind of compliment, like saying I’m pretty or anything.” That kind of sucks. Now I feel for her. Oh, and this bitch is 39 years old! She looks and acts like she’s in her early 20s! Crazy.

After going through a particularly awkward stretch of single life, Sarah Silverman discovered a man who isn’t her type at all – and it seems to be working out great.

Her new boyfriend, the writer Alec Sulkin, is “the first guy in a decade who’s given me any kind of compliment, like saying I’m pretty or anything,” the comedian, 39, tells the new issue of Page Six Magazine, due out Thursday.

“He’s really skinny. Usually I like pudgy, macho-ish guys,” says Silverman, who dated talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel for much of the last decade. “But I think I mistook macho-ish for strong, emotionally. And I think it’s really the opposite.”

The star of The Sarah Silverman Program on Comedy Central split up with Kimmel for good last March, and found herself dating for the first time since becoming famous – which proved tricky.

“It felt a little isolating,” she says. “Part of the fun of meeting someone is having them discover you. You’re doing your little tap dance, like, ‘This is me!’ And then [the person has] all these preconceived notions, things that are partially true and partially not.”

Silverman also weighs in on the David Letterman and Tiger Woods scandals, saying neither surprised her. “I can’t imagine he’s the nicest man in the world, but I love ‘talk show host’ David Letterman,” she says. “I’m not looking to have him be a United Nations representative. The same thing with Tiger Woods.”

And when it comes to the Jay Leno/Conan O’Brien controversy, it’s a no-brainer. “Conan was my first big break,” Silverman says. “He put me on all the time. I played on the Conan soccer team. I have a place in my heart so special for him.”

[From People]

It sounds like Sarah actually gave a real interview as herself instead of her dumb comedic persona. I also really like what she said about David Letterman, and even Tiger Woods – and I don’t think she’s alone. Those are two men with lots of issues in their personal lives, but many people will forgive them if they continue to do their jobs well. And Conan O’Brien? Well, Team Coco forever.

Page Six Magazine cover courtesy of CoverAwards.