I sometimes follow Joan Collins’s rantings and ravings, because she honestly doesn’t give a crap and she’ll say anything. In previous interviews, Joan gave hilariously condescending “advice” to Camilla Parker Bowles, and in an incident that got a lot of ink, Joan opined that to her, Angelina Jolie was pretty much the only beautiful movie star working today, and that Jennifer Aniston was merely “cute.” Aniston-loonies attacked Joan, but she still didn’t back down. In a new interview, I feel like Joan is trying to up her game. The interviewer asks for Joan’s opinion on several different celebrity women, and Joan’s comments are priceless. Oh, and she also talks smack about politicians and the UK’s immigration system, although what she‘s actually saying isn‘t as bad as some people have claimed. Keep in mind – Joan is 78. This is the equivalent of asking your ribald, over-it great-grandmother for her opinions on Victoria Beckham.

Joan on politics: “I’d say I was Conservative party, 1940s.” She laughs huskily; it’s ever so naughty. “And I was a very big supporter of Thatcher.” What does she think of David Cameron? “I like David, but I think he’s hog-tied by what’s-his-name.” Nick Clegg? “Yes. I’m not a big fan.” And what does she think of Ed Miliband. “Not a lot,” she says simply.

What Joan would do if she was prime minister: “First, education. I think it is shocking that 15- and 16-year-olds leave school unable to add up and with the reading ability of a four-year-old. When I was at school, I was terrible at algebra and arithmetic, but I was always the best at English and literature. And acting, of course.” She does a self-mocking “Of course I was” shrug of her shoulders, which are currently minus Dynasty-style pads. “I always did the best essays. I edited the fourth-form school magazine because, while I always wanted to be an actress, at the back of my mind I also wanted to be a dress designer and a writer, and funnily enough I have actually ended up doing all three.”

She would also tackle immigration if she was PM: “Second, immigration. Because the reason we don’t have any housing is that we have 400,000 extra people coming in here every year and doing jobs that our young people could do… In Birmingham last Christmas, I said to my driver, ‘Why are there no decorations?’ I had just come back from New York where every street is festooned with decorations. And he said, ‘Well, we have a lot of people here whom it offends on religious grounds.’ But I’m not saying any more than that. I don’t want petrol bombs being thrown through my window.”

On the London riots, porn and violence: “These kids are so ignorant and stupid. I don’t think they have much of a moral compass now because they spend their life doing – what are those games they do? The ones where they kill and they shoot? And they watch a lot of violent stuff on television.” She sighs. “And, of course, porn is readily available.” Joan, the star of such films as The Bitch and The Stud can’t “stand watching porn”, even tried getting it taken off her Sky system, “but, unfortunately, it’s part of the package”. It would never have been like that in her day. “I hear that it is far more disgusting than it was 20 or 30 years ago, and kids of 11 can watch it on their phones at school. So they are desensitised. I don’t think they have much judgment. They think that, when they kick a pensioner to death – which seems to happen on a regular basis in this country – they’re not actually kicking a real person. Violence has become normalised in this country, and I think it’s quite tragic.”

Her new book: The book puts down reality television stars, declining standards in dress (“It’s no one’s fault to be born ugly, but, honestly, must it be worn as a symbol of pride?”) and a lack of chivalry in men (“Gone are the days when a gentleman lightly took your hand in his and brushed his lips across it, or tipped his hat to acknowledge you as he chivalrously stepped aside to let you pass”). Men are turning gay because women are unfeminine. Women over a size 10 should not wear slip dresses, and nobody should show bare legs in winter. Ankle-strap shoes are “seriously unattractive”, and she advises against wearing jeans. “Rarely glamorous” is her damning indictment of them.

How Joan stays looking so young: La Collins looks incredible and you can tell this is actually because she has had no work done and stayed natural (she thinks sex is better than Botox). How, I ask, does she look so glamorous the whole time? “You think I’m glamorous today? This is all just thrown together. What I find extraordinary is that all these girls today go out in the coldest weather, wearing the shortest skirts with crop tops, no stockings and no coats.” She shivers at the thought. “But I guess they can’t take the coats in because they will just get stolen.”

On Gwyneth Paltrow: “Is she the one who called her grandmother a rude word on air?” she asks, dismissively. “I thought that was pretty shocking.”

On Kiera Knightley? “Well, she’s thin,” is all Joan will say.

On Carey Mulligan? “I don’t want to comment on Carey Mulligan,” she remarks sadly, before proceeding to do just that. “I can’t believe she’s playing Eliza Doolittle in a new movie.”

On Kate Winslet: I move on and show her a picture of Kate Winslet taken a few days earlier at the Venice Film Festival. She lets out a huge sigh. “Oh, that’s a dreadful dress. The worst dress. And ghastly shoes and an awful hairstyle. I’m sorry.” She shakes her head.

On Adele: “She’s a very good singer, very, very talented, but she has a terrible hairpiece.” Joan, a self-confessed wig wearer, knows a lot about hairpieces.

On Kate Moss: She is “OK, but she’s not Linda Evangelista in my mind”.

On Victoria Beckham: “Oh I love Victoria Beckham. You’ve finally found someone I like.”

[From The Telegraph]

What’s funny is that as I get older, I start to share some of Joan’s opinions. “It’s the porn,” I mutter as I watch CNN. “The porn, and the Christmas decorations.” Also! I love, LOVE the comment on Keira Knightley: “Well, she’s thin.” As in, “Well, at least she’s got that going for her.” I would love to know Joan’s thoughts on Duchess Kate – “Well, she’s thin. Terrible raccoon makeup. Button problem. But, she’s thin.”

Photos courtesy of WENN.

A few weeks ago, Joan Collins gave an interview to The Daily Mail in which she was bemoaning the state of glamour and beauty in the current crop of Hollywood. Joan seemed to take a decided position in the Uncool Bermuda Triangle War, siding on Team Jolie. Joan said: “When I was young, everybody on screen was gorgeous. I have to say, there aren’t that many good looking actresses around today. I mean, there’s Angelina Jolie and there’s… Angelina Jolie. Jennifer Aniston is cute, but I wouldn’t call her beautiful. She’s no Ava [Gardner] or Lana [Turner].” She also had some nice things to say about Cheryl Cole, if that matters. In response, Jennifer Aniston’s people issued a blanket statement saying that they were “aware” of Joan‘s comments, but that “There is no need to engage with that nonsense.” Because nothing says “not engaging” like issuing a statement saying you are “not engaging.” You know? And when HuffPo reported that “not engaging” story, it literally got more than a 1,700 comments. Ridiculous.

Anyway, Joan was Saturday’s Carousel of Hope event, and Us Weekly caught up with her and asked about her comments. Joan’s reply is pretty great – she doesn’t pretend to take it back or anything, she just says that she bitched about some other actresses too, but The Mail just made it about The Uncool Bermuda Triangle:

Former Dynasty star Joan Collins is explaining why she dissed Jennifer Aniston. In Britain’s Daily Mail, she recently sniped that Angelina Jolie is more “beautiful” than Aniston, 41. Aniston’s rep said the Switch star was “aware” of Collins’ comments but felt there was “no need to engage with that nonsense.”

Collins, 77, tells UsMagazine.com she didn’t mean to offend the actress.

“The bottom line is that I talked about several actresses, among them Catherine Zeta-Jones, Scarlett Johansson and Megan Fox,” she told Us Saturday at the Carousel Of Hope Gala in Beverly Hills. “Unfortunately, everybody got cut out [except Aniston and Jolie]. Typical. That’s the way it goes.”

[From Us Weekly]

I would love to hear Joan’s opinions on Megan Fox! That would be a hoot. I would imagine she adores Catherine Zeta, because Zeta is quite glamorous most of the time. Anyway, whatever. Joan isn’t going to apologize. Should she have to?

Photos of Joan at the Carousel of Hope event on Saturday. Also, photo of Aniston, all courtesy of WENN.

Every so often, Joan Collins will give an interview, and it will be absolutely priceless. You see, Joanie doesn’t care much for women today. Especially women who are supposed to be glamorous, like princesses and movie stars. Joan famously went off on Camilla Parker-Bowles last year, giving her a ton of styling advice that was just dripping with judgment and laced with sarcasm. Now Joan is taking on the Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie – based solely on their looks, mind you.

For almost sixty years she has been a screen siren and even now at 77 is still the picture of youthful glamour. But in a scathing attack on modern stars Joan Collins has warned that the age of the classic Hollywood beauty is over.

The Dynasty actress said now the public were ‘starved of gorgeous people’ compared to the golden age of film which was dominated by beauties such as Audrey Hepburn, Ava Gardner and Grace Kelly.

She added: ‘When I was young, everybody on screen was gorgeous. I have to say, there aren’t that many good looking actresses around today. I mean, there’s Angelina Jolie and there’s… Angelina Jolie. Jennifer Aniston is cute, but I wouldn’t call her beautiful. She’s no Ava [Gardner] or Lana [Turner].’

Miss Collins also suggested that part of Cheryl Cole’s success and transformation into the nation’s sweetheart is down to the fact she is beautiful.

‘I think that is why Cheryl Cole is so popular, because she is just so pretty and the public are starved of gorgeous people,’ she told Hello! magazine.

Miss Collins said that in her youth stars also made more effort with their appearance and looked far more glamorous and stylish than the modern crop of actresses.

She said recently: ‘Perhaps actresses of today, in their desire to be “taken seriously”, feel that being groomed and well put together detracts from their ability. Yes, I know fashions change and everyone attempts to look up-to-date but the movie-star styles of the Twenties, Thirties, Forties and Fifties changed radically each decade. What didn’t change, however, was their individual style; they were all one-offs.’

Miss Collins, who renewed her vows to fifth husband – 44-year-old Percy Gibson last year – is usually held up as an example of how to grow old gracefully. She has always insisted she would never resort to cosmetic surgery to maintain her looks, preferring to grow old as gracefully as possible and has criticised many of her Hollywood contemporaries who have gone under the knife.

She said: ‘Women who turn to cosmetic procedures look ghastly. They don’t look like themselves. I quite like the way I look, I’m quite happy with the way I look and I really don’t want to change it. In front of the camera my skin probably isn’t nearly as good as it used to be. But, I mean, what the hell, everybody’s got to get older. I think there’s something rather terrifying about people who are in their 50s or 60s trying to look 30 or 40.’

She added that the secret to maintaining her slim size 10-12 figure is ‘portion control’.

‘People eat far too much these days and I’m very aware of the penalties of putting on weight,’ she explained. ‘If you eat junk, you look like junk. People say, “It’s not my fault, it’s my glands”. It’s not, it is greed.’

[From The Daily Mail]

Thus spoketh Ms. Collins. I tend to agree with her about the lack of genuine glamour in Hollywood, although I think there are several other actresses that I would name as “glamorous” ahead of Angelina. I’m not disrespecting Angelina, who I think it very beautiful – she’s just lacking in glamour these days, what with her parade of glittery sacks and trash bag dresses. When I think of glamour in Hollywood, I think of Halle Berry and Charlize Theron and Nicole Kidman. And all that being said… Ava Gardner is a really ridiculously high standard for women. Almost no woman can reach that.

Joan Collins, 76, has penned a long essay in the Daily Mail all about the way that women are feeling sexier, and appearing more glamorous, well into their twilight years. The thing is, Collins has a lot to say about eating right, exercising, using sunscreen and practicing proper skincare, but she makes nary a mention of the primary way a lot of well to do ladies are looking younger – plastic surgery. This woman has definitely had work done and to so pointedly not even bring up the topic makes her entire argument look foolish. (Note: while I would bet good money that Collins had a facelift about a decade ago and doesn’t get fillers or Botox, my mom says Collins looks like she could be all natural apart from the excessive amount of makeup she wears. I doubt it. She had good work done, but her face is tighter than normal.) Collins does bring up a lot of good points about aging and taking care of yourself. She even had some zingers in there about 20 and 30 something women looking old and used up due to their lifestyles. Here are some highlights, with more at the source:

Older women are sexy and vibrant
Why should people be so surprised that women in their 50s, 60s and 70s look sexy and absolutely wonderful?
Unfortunately today, with the media’s excessive emphasis on youth, youth, youth, some women over 40 are beginning to feel unsexy and with that often comes a tremendous feeling of insecurity.

The fact that there are scores of women looking stunning and far younger than their biological age seems to be overlooked, or, if recognised, then met with wonderment.

Certainly there are dozens of over-50 actresses who look great: Sophia Loren, Susan Sarandon, Ursula Andress, Stefanie Powers, Raquel Welch, Barbara Eden, Joanna Lumley, Linda Gray – the list is endless and these are just the actresses!

I have many friends in their 60s, 70s and 80s, not in the limelight, but who all look absolutely stunning.

Older women have great sex
In France, they revere and respect older women, as they do in most Latin countries, where they consider them to be delightful and to possess true sexual allure.

It is a fact that many of the most famous women in history were sexually active well into middle age and beyond.

Catherine the Great, in her 60s, was reputed to take young lovers some 40 years her junior to bed.

Mae West, who lived to 90, had a lover 45 years younger than her, and she coined the classic phrase: ‘It’s not the men in my life, but the life in my men.’

Sarah Bernhardt, the great French actress and the legendary Coco Chanel both had lovers in their twilight years.

A lot of young people think that sex is the prerogative of the young. Many are appalled by the idea of the over-40s or even their parents being or looking sexy or even, God forbid, having sex.

Older people are “younger” now
Today, 60 is the new 45 and 50 is more like 35.

As for ‘old’ age, I’m with that great philosopher Bernard Baruch, who said: ‘Old age is always 15 years older than I am.’ How true! Or Groucho Marx: ‘Growing old is something you do if you’re lucky.’

On young girls looking “rough”
Getting older should be just that: getting older, but not becoming old and losing one’s sex appeal. I believe that one is as young as one looks, so it’s absolutely crucial to keep your skin and figure in the best shape you can – advice which young girls today should heed.

Time and time again I see women over 50 who have taken care of themselves looking glamorous, and girls in their 20s and 30s looking… well, rather rough.

On taking care of herself
But I have treated my body as I would a car, only the best in petrol, care and maintenance, and I’m happy to say it seems to have worked for me…

So I took the advice of one of the most youthful women I ever met and since then have been fanatical about protecting my face, if not my body, against the sun’s rays in summer and winter.

After moisturising, I slap on foundation, which protects skin far more efficiently than any of the socalled miracle creams and I always wear a hat or a cap because even on the darkest of days the sun’s rays can penetrate through the clouds and cause damage.

That’s my miracle cream, and many of my girlfriends who have followed the same advice still look amazingly good. I strongly believe in protecting first rather than shutting the barn door after the horse has bolted.

With harmful UVA and UVB radiation in the environment, it is essential to start your regime as soon as possible if you want to stave off the ageing process and look glamorous well into later life.

Some media witches have mocked me for always wearing make-up. But they should take note, for I can assure them that if you take two women over 50, one of whom has always protected her face and one of whom has never done anything other than wash with soap and water, guess which one will have the best skin?

And not just slightly less lined, but skin that looks 20 years younger.

But it is essential to always put something moisturising on your face and then, with foundation on top, you will avoid much of the wear and tear of ageing.

On airbrushing and wrinkle creams
I’ve always been sceptical about the so-called miracle creams that proliferate the glittering cosmetic counters of major department stores worldwide.

I raise an even more cynical eyebrow when I see glossy magazine advertisements of gorgeous 20-something models recommending and extolling the virtues of anti-ageing creams.

Who do they think they’re kidding? Are the big cosmetic companies convinced that the average woman is deluded enough to believe the preposterous claims in their advertising?

Or is it just that youth sells everything today, so let’s show pure youthful beauty and let the poor fool who buys the product think that she, too, could look like the model if she used the product?

And to add insult to injury, the photos are retouched until the models’ faces and skin have perfection possible only in a two-year-old. What sane woman is going to believe that a lotion can refine, renew and transform skin in ten minutes?

[From The Daily Mail]

This woman gets all worked up about how “miracle” creams don’t work and advertisements are airbrushed, but completely avoids mentioning surgical interventions. A lotion can’t “refine, renew and transform skin in ten minutes,” but an injectable filler can. A surgical procedure can go even farther. What a shame that such an important topic loses its authority with that one little omission. Collins should take a lesson from Jane Fonda and admit the obvious.

Joan Collins is shown on 2/10/10, 1/30/10, and 1/16/10. She’s also shown with her 44 year-old husband, Percy Gibson, on 12/10/09 and 11/9/09. Credit: WENN.com

CB sent me this story, and it’s ridiculously funny. The gist is that Hello! Magazine asked Joan Collins how she would give Camilla Parker Bowles, The Duchess of Cornwall, a makeover. The piece is ridiculously passive-aggressive, with Joan taking up nearly a page to describe (as if to a child) how Camilla should apply makeup. Stuff like “don’t use anything shiny and orange, it will make you look old, which you are,” only Joan can be that honest. She says things like “Camilla has pretty eyes, so she should accentuate them… Camilla’s mouth is crying out for a strong-coloured lipstick.”

Joan also goes in detail about all of the horrible clothes Camilla wears, the terrible way Camilla does her hair, how lumpy Camilla looks, and how Camilla needs to work out. But again, Joan doesn’t come out and say it. The weird thing is that Camilla’s appearance has drastically improved the past few years. Her hair alone is applause-worthy. Camilla, bless her heart, has always been and will always be one of the horsiest women ever, but she’s putting some effort into her appearance, and it shows. This is, after all, the woman whom Princess Diana referred to as “The Rottweiler”.

Let’s start with her clothes. Camilla is looking a little matronly of late. The big hats that she has taken to wearing… overpower her. They seem to mirror the Queen’s style, yet Camilla is 22 years younger than Her Majesty. In some photographs, they could even be contemporaries.

The Duchess needs to dress younger, but not too young. There is a fine line between mutton dressed as lamb and a chic, slightly daring older woman.

Camilla should invest in a one-piece bodysuit that hugs her figure and pulls in at the waist. And shoulder pads are excellent for improving shape.

As for her hair, Camilla’s current style drags her face down. As we get older, gravity pulls everything down, so she needs to counteract this. A richer honey-blonde shade, with a few paler highlights at the front and sides, would bring light to her face. One should always have a lighter colour next to the skin.

And for toning up without the horror of going to the gym (how I hate it!), my trainer… comes to my house two or three times a week and, without knocking me senseless, works me out brilliantly and gets fabulous results.

[From Hello! Magazine, print edition May 5, 2009]

It’s almost enough to make me feel badly for Camilla. It’s not her fault the future King of England prefers women who look like horses. Part of me thinks there aren’t enough highlights in the world to make Camilla look beautiful, but really, it wouldn’t hurt her to take some of Joan’s advice. And, by the way, I’ve always loves the expression “mutton dressed as lamb” – definitely not for Camilla. Perhaps a sleek pantsuit? Maybe a good ashy blonde hairstyle? But for my money, the devil’s in the details… who cares what Camilla’s wearing if she’s blinged out in millions of pounds worth of royal jewels? Who would even notice how lumpy she is? Besides Joan Collins.

Here’s Camilla looking quite fetching at the Trooping the Colour in London in June. Images thanks to WENN.com .

Valentino celebrated his 45th anniversary as a top designer with a star-studded three day affair in Rome this weekend to the tune of over $10 million. Celebrities including Uma Thurman, Claire Danes, Sarah Jessica Parker, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Hudson, Liz Hurley, Eva Mendes, Claudia Schiffer, Joan Collins, Rupert Everett, and Guan Yin attended a fashion show, exhibition, dinner, and gala ball in honor of the famed designer.

The bash kicked off on Friday with a gala dinner in the 2nd century Temple of Venus in the shadow of the Colosseum.

Valentino, 75, spent a reported £135,000 restoring the ancient monument built by the Emperor Hadrian and flew in royal florist Rob Van Helden from London to bedeck columns with garlands of flowers.

He also launched an exhibition of his creations in the city’s Ara Pacis museum with examples of his coveted designs showcased behind bulletproof glass.

Visitors were greeted by a giant red glass cube encasing one of his earlier dresses, then led along a walkway featuring 300 of his designs in red, black and white on mannequins.

The collection included sequined and ruffled gowns worn by the likes of Audrey Hepburn after Valentino opened his first boutique in Rome in the 1960s.

On Saturday a 1,000-strong audience watched him unveil his latest collection of 61 outfits in the medieval Santo Spirito in Sassia church near the Vatican.

The opulent bash continued with a lavish party in the grounds of historic Villa Borghese and the launch of his new perfume, Rock’n'Rose Couture.

[From The Daily Mail]

While the 74 year-old Valentino has not mentioned that he’s retiring, his fashion house was taken over by a private equity group in May, with the handover to be finished sometime this summer. His partner said that everything would continue as usual under the new owners, but the equity group that has acquired the firm is known for cost-cutting and are expected to reign in Valentino’s excessive spending. At least he’ll always have Rome.