Crazy Papa Joe Simpson must be dancing with glee at youngest daughter Ashlee’s supposed upcoming nuptials. Why, you ask? Because he’s filled with joy that his daughter has found the love of her life? Because he’s relieved that the possibly-maybe-who-knows knocked-up singer is at least being made a decent woman? We think it’s most likely because he’s supposedly demanding seven figures from whatever mag wants to cover Ashlee’s nuptials. That’s right, it’s all about the numbers.

How much would you pay to attend Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson’s “secret” wedding? We hear a seven-figure sum is being offered for exclusive coverage of this Saturday’s hush-hush nuptials.

The hastily planned wedding is coming just two months after the couple announced their engagement, doing little to quash rumors of Simpson’s pregnancy. And the event itself is so classified that even invited guests don’t have all the details. Friends and family received cryptic Evites (classy!) telling them to book hotel rooms in the L.A. area, and that they’ll be picked up by private cars. One warning: Cell phones and cameras are strictly forbidden.

We hear that Simpson has chosen a Vera Wang gown (hopefully with an Empire waist!), while Wentz and his groomsmen will don Dolce & Gabbana tuxes. Meanwhile, Ashlee’s big sis, Jessica, is said to be hosting a rehearsal dinner at her house Friday night.

While this might seem like another Hollywood romance unlikely to last, a pal of the couple says their co-dependence will stand the test of time. “Ashlee is so needy – she just hangs all over Pete,” says our mole. “But he loves it. He’s always had a thing for vulnerable girls. In a weird way, they complete each other. I can’t imagine one would ever leave the other.” Ain’t love grand!

[From Rush & Molloy]

What says love more than a big payout to your dadager and an evite? Look, Simpson family, this isn’t helping your reputation any. Evites are for a last-minute bar hopping when you’re bored at work and have nothing better to do than design some asinine invitation with a pig theme. I don’t care where you’re from or how you work it, it’s not for your wedding. Especially if you’re going to be wearing a Vera Wang gown and the men will be in Dolce & Gabbana. At least spend the $30 and drop by your local Target. I’m sure you can figure out how to work your printer within a couple of hours.

Never put it past Joe Simpson to milk his children’s happiness for all it’s worth. At this point he should just be glad there’s a man willing to deal with a Simpson woman for longer than 15 minutes. I hope he’s offering Pete Wentz some kind of dowry or something. It should really be a “Thanks for agree to put up with me for the next 35 years until the sweet release of death finds me.” That’s almost as inspirational as an evite.

Here’s Ashlee arriving at the Riverside Studios and signing autographs on May 2nd. Header of Ashlee and Pete at the Bravo Supershow 2008 at Arena Nurnberg on May 3rd. Images thanks to WENN.

Joe Simpson seems absolutely intent on wrecking as much of his daughters’ lives as he possibly can. Truly, if he sat down with a marker, paper, and poster board and drew out some type of chart titled, “Ways to Interfere with/Mess Up Offspring & Impede All Forms of Happiness,” he could not have done a better job. Which is why I’m pretty sure he’s planned this all out. Because any quasi-sane, loving parent would have stepped off by now and said, “You know what? Whatever I touch, I ruin. Maybe I should stop touching things.” And I mean that exactly how it sounds, Joe Simpson. Perv.

Anyway, Joe has decided he wasn’t satisfied just ruining daughter Jessica’s life with his domineering, interfering ways while filming the Newlyweds with now ex-husband Nick Lachey. There’s a reason Nick’s an ex, and it rhymes with and looks just like Papa Joe. Simpson has decided (seemingly without involving his daughter in the decision) that Ashley and new fiancé Pete Wentz are going to do their own Newlyweds show. Because why wreck just one marriage when you can wreck two?

Get yourself ready for the return of MTV’s Newlyweds — with a twist! Instead of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, it’s Simpson version 2.0 is coming your way, with Jessica’s little sister, Ashlee Simpson, 23, and fiancé, Pete Wentz, 28, set to appear as the couple in the hit MTV format — at least if Joe Simpson gets his way!

Never one to miss a money-making opportunity, Ashlee’s dad and manager Joe seems determined to turn this idea into a reality. “He knows that no one cared about Jessica before her reality show, and he’s hoping a show for Ashlee will have the same effect,” a source close to the singer tells OK!.

With a wedding on the horizon, a baby on the way and a famous rocker fiancé, Ashlee’s life has all the ingredients for a reality show. (Ashlee and Pete’s publicist tells OK! they are not set to appear in Newlyweds.) If the program comes off, let’s hope the Bittersweet World singer’s love story doesn’t end the same way as her sister’s failed marriage.

[From OK!]

Touché, OK. Touché. Never did I think I could wholeheartedly agree with anything that came from the printing press of OK Magazine, but they’re pretty much right on the ball on this one. The Simpson girls clearly don’t have the spine to stand up to their father. I was hoping one of their spouses would have, but if I were a betting woman, I would have gone with Nick Lachey long before I could imagine Pete Wentz standing up to Papa Joe. And I think he’s a little too busy sharpening his eyeliner pencil to be bothered. The sad thing is, I’d probably watch this show, if only to yell at Joe Simpson.

Here’s Pete and Ashley at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner at the Washington Hilton on April 26th. Images thanks to WENN.

Joe Simpson has long been accused of controlling his daughters’ lives – especially eldest daughter Jessica. As she’s grown and (theoretically) matured, he’s downgraded his controlling to just interfering – but according to OK magazine, Joe’s presence is still having a massively detrimental effect on Jessica’s life. OK says that while everything is going comparatively well for younger sister Ashlee, Jessica’s life is essentially stalled – and it’s mostly because of Joe’s negative influence.

Although Jessica and Tony are very much still together (she threw him a 28th birthday party in Dallas on April 19), OK! has learned that Tony and, in particular, his family, may not be loving the fact that Joe Simpson is constantly popping into the picture.

“His [Tony] family’s view seems to be that Jess and her dad, Joe Simpson, are bringing Tony down,” a source tells OK!. “I think they are ruining his image, as well as trying to capitalize on his fame, in order to boost hers.”

The source also shared a revelation about the Mexico trip that Jessica and Tony took with his teammates in January, before the NFL playoffs. “Everybody agreed to tell no one about the trip,” says the source. “On the day they were flying out, who shows up? Joe Simpson. Tony and the other guys thought it was weird.”

[From OK!]

The magazine goes on to say that whatever hopes Tony Romo had of his relationship with Jessica turning into something real pretty much ended with Joe’s stunt. According to his friends, they’re pretty much just friends with benefits. Something tells me that wasn’t exactly what Joe Simpson was aiming for.

This might be naiveté on my part, but it seems to me that if everything Joe Simpson touches turns to crap, maybe he should stop touching things. Like his daughters. He’s long been rumored as the reason behind Jessica and Nick Lachey’s divorce – and really, who could blame Nick for not wanting to spend the rest of his life around that whackjob? Jessica is such a sheep; there’s no chance in hell she’ll ever stand up to her dad. She probably doesn’t even realize what a problem he is. The two of them will still be puzzling over it in fifty years when no one remembers Jessica Simpson as anything but that lady down the street that has a lot of birds.

Here’s Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo at the Waverly Inn on March 4th. Image thanks to Splash.

Creepy “daddy don’t touch me” Joe Simpson has backed off pimping out his older daughter now that his younger one, Ashlee, is pregnant and engaged. Hoping to exploit her current
situation and the tabloid magazines’ obsession with celebrity babies, the former minister-turned-manager is already trying to hammer out deals with mags to publish Ashlee and Pete’s wedding photos and pictures of the baby when it’s born. There isn’t even a due date yet, but you can bet Papa Joe is gonna cash in! Problem is, the magazines aren’t all that interested in Ashlee.

Simpson sisters’ dad-ager, Joe Simpson, is trying to cash in on the baby-crazed trend in celebrity magazines – but he’s having a difficult time.

A magazine source said, “Joe is contacting all the weeklies and asking them to pony up $1 million to put Ashlee on the cover.” The news broke this week that Jessica’s younger sibling is pregnant with her now-fiancée Pete Wentz’s child – a claim Wentz has backed off denying.

“The deal would include photos of Ashlee – taken by Joe, of course, so he can make more money – an interview and photos of the baby when she has it,” our source said.

Sadly, there is some interest – but not for anything close to $1 million.

One magazine editor said the pictures would fetch “$60,000 maybe – but definitely not a million. The timing is a little suspicious. Her album ['Bittersweet World'] is dropping next week, and there was little to no interest until now. Ashlee’s lucky she got pregnant, frankly.”

But even with the marriage announcement, “Joe has an unrealistic expectation of what Ashlee can command,” the editor said.

Ashlee’s shotgun wedding to Wentz is expected to take place before summer. Her rep declined to comment.

A source told OK! magazine, “They’re planning on something in the Santa Barbara area probably by the end of May . . . Jessica will be the maid of honor.”

Ashlee is said to be eyeing a Vera Wang dress and will likely wear a ring designed by Wentz.

This wouldn’t be the first time Joe has mucked things up for his daughters. During Jessica’s visit to Africa with the Operation Smile charity two years ago, he insisted on being the only one to take pictures of her, despite having a professional photographer along on the trip – thus making himself the only one to collect the cash when he sold the photos to People magazine.

Joe also undercut Jessica when she did a deal for the launch issue of OK! At the time, it was reported Jessica got a mere $250,000 for the spread – despite Sean Combs getting more than $1 million several weeks later.

[From Page Six]

Pardon me while I laugh. Ha ha ha! Papa Joe probably fancies himself in the same league as Lynne Spears or Dina Lohan, but the reality is, his daughters just don’t get the same attention, because pretty much everyone in the universe- including the tabloids- are over them both. Personally, I wouldn’t pay $1 to see Ashlee’s wedding or baby photos. On the other hand, I would pay top dollar to sit in the front row of Ashlee and Pete’s divorce court hearings. Papa Joe, if you’re smart, you’ll start selling tickets now.

Joe and Ashlee Simpson are shown at the American Music Awards on 11/21/06, thanks to PRPhotos.

Ashlee Simpson’s new album isn’t even out yet, and it looks set to be a flop. What’s a girl to do? Get engaged and sell those wedding pictures. If that doesn’t push up sales, then the next step is to push out a baby.

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are officially engaged:

“We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes – it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, but we wanted you to hear it straight from us.”
- Ashlee and Pete

Friends or Enemies

Emo girls the world over have even more reason to be sad.

Congratulations to the couple, who have not set a wedding date. The couple started dating in late 2006, and speculation has been rife that they would tie the not since about four days after they started dating.

Just remember Pete – when you marry a girl like Ashlee, her whole family comes in the package. That includes Jessica Simpson, Mama Tina Simpson and Papa Joe Simpson. Are you ready for this? Although I consider that another Newlyweds reality show is unlikely.

The couple did not comment on the pregnancy rumors that surfaced in February after Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson made a silly video blog that showed Ashlee with a fake pregnant belly.

Ashlee and Pete are shown on 2/23/08 before one of Ashlee’s shows at LAX nightclub at Luxor, thanks to PRPhotos.

Before Jessica filmed “The Dukes of Hazzard,” her only mildly successful movie role to date, she starred in a fitness DVD that has never been released. That’s because the starlet/singer changed her mind about doing the video, and asked her dad/manager Joe Simpson to negate the contract. Now, the video fitness company Speedfit, for whom Jessica made the DVD, is suing Joe Simpson for blocking its release.

Jessica Simpson’s father (and manager) Joe is being sued by fitness video company Speedfit for allegedly blocking the sale of a DVD starring his daughter.

After signing a multi-million dollar contract, Jessica, 27, recorded a workout tape for Speedfit shortly before shooting her role as Daisy Duke in 2005′s The Dukes of Hazzard.

Jessica then changed her mind about doing the tape and her father Joe banned its release, Speedfit claims.

Now Speedfit owner Alex Astilean has filed suit against Joe after failing to secure a $10 million settlement from his daughter last year.

The New York Post first reported news of the suit.

“They are hurting millions of fat people in America!” Astilean tells Usmagazine.com.

[From Us Weekly]

Somehow, I think the “fat people of America” will manage to carry on without a Jessica Simpson fitness DVD. Considering that Jessica works with celebrity trainer Harley Pasternak, I doubt that she could teach anything new in the way of fitness techniques anyway. However, if Jessica received millions for doing the video, it doesn’t seem fair that she should collect the money and then stop Speedfit from making any money off it. It also seems like Joe Simpson isn’t doing his daughter any favors lately managing her career. Her last movie tanked, her last CD got a lukewarm reception, and now she may be heading back to TV again to promote her country CD.

Note by Celebitchy: This is not the first time she’s been sued for failing to endorse a product. In the spring of 2006, a clothing line sued Simpson to the tune of $100 million for breach of contract. She signed a multi-year contract to endorse a range of low-prices jeans and clothing that was named after her, but she never wore the clothing out as promised and she name-dropped another designer when she was asked about her favorite jean label.

Jessica Simpson is shown out with her personal trainer last year.

Nothing says romantic getaway quite like hearing your dad snoring in the next bedroom. Or worse, worrying about your parents hearing you while you’re going at it with your boyfriend. Gross, just gross. But apparently that’s how Jessica Simpson likes it. Or – more likely – how Joe Simpson likes it. Creepy-as-hell Papa Joe and his wife Tina joined Jessica and her boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, on vacation in Los Cabos, Mexico last week. No that’s not creepy or weird, because Joe and Tina did the same thing when Jessica was married to Nick Lachey. Who could predict that their marriage wouldn’t work out?

Looks like Tony Romo already has an in with Jessica Simpson’s notoriously finicky father, Joe. They all went on vacation together! Simpson and Romo, who have been dating since November, arrived in Mexico via private jet with about seven friends at 9:30 p.m. January 3. After landing at the Cabo San Lucas Mexico airport, Simpson and Romo were spotted, “rubbing each others butts and laughing on the tarmac,” an eyewitness tells Usmagazine.com.

Later, the group — which included a few of Romo’s teammates and families, as well as Simpson’s parents, Joe and Tina — checked into a rented home nearby. “Tony couldn’t stop touching Jessica,” an eyewitness tells Us.

The next day, everyone enjoyed a lunch whipped up by their personal chef on the deck of their home. “They were having a great time, with Jess’ parents laughing and joking with Jess and Tony,” the onlooker added. “Tony was affectionate to Jess and everyone seemed very relaxed.”

[From Us Weekly]

How cute. And creepy. What do you want to bet Papa Joe tutored Tony Romo on the best moves to use on his daughter? He probably encouraged all that butt grabbing. No way does anyone in that family do anything without Papa Joe’s approval. Nick Lachey had to submit a written intercourse request with Joe at least two weeks prior to any sexual encounter. It had to include a detailed plan of action and required script approval from Joe. Jokes aside, after this family vacation, what do you want to bet Tony dumps Jessica within the next two weeks?

This week’s Star Magazine has an interesting story about how Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo might be faking their relationship for the sake of an upcoming Super Bowl commercial. Jessica and Tony are said to be in talks with Pizza Hut to star in a big budget Super Bowl commercial together and their whole fauxmance has supposedly been orchestrated by Jessica’s controlling father, Joe, for publicity purposes. It could be true that they’re dating and genuinely like each other, but either way they’re milking it for all it’s worth:

Insiders are whispering that Jessica Simpson’s manager dad, Joe, is the mastermind behind his daughter’s “romance” with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo – and their sudden, very public relationship may just be the setup for an attention-grabbing Super Bowl commercial!

“It seems that Joe set them up to make sure Jess got good publicity,” an insider tells Star. “She’s got a new country album coming out, but her movie career is stalled, so she’s doing what her dad tells her will be good for her image and to keep her name in the papers…”

[Jessica and Tony Romo are] reportedly in talks to Pizza Hut to do a special commercial that will air during the Super Bowl in February. And the insider tells Star that Joe Simpson even offered Tony, 27, a small role in his daughter’s next movie.

“He told Tony that it would be a good opportunity for both of them PR-wise,” says another source. “It isn’t hard for them to look like the perfect couple – they’re like a real life Ken and Barbie.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, January 7, 2007]

This makes a lot of sense considering that Tony Romo is one of the very few suitors of one of his daughters that Joe Simpson approves of. Joe is even said to have set Jessica up with Tony, and although the papers make it out like Tony called Joe up and asked to date his daughter I bet it was the other way around. It doesn’t seem like much of an incentive for Tony to be offered a role in Simpson’s next movie, though.

Jessica seemed to be a bad luck charm for Tony. The Dallas Cowboys quarterback performed his worse game – ever – when she was in the stands in December. That makes it seem as if he has at least some feelings for her. Romo quickly recovered from his slump, and his statistics improved for his next game. He told the press that Jessica was also in the stands that time, but she was never shown on the jumbotron and he wouldn’t say where she was when asked.

I always thought those pictures of gorgeous women in newspapers, offering sexual services were fake. Honestly, you’d think a woman that good looking could at least strip, or find herself a sugar daddy, or work in retail, rather than sell her body.

Turns out I was right about the fake pics – Jessica Simpson and models Karolina Kurkova and Alessandra Ambrosio are being advertised in Russian newspapers.

In the naughty section of the Moscow Times are ads for escorts, complete with photos — of these three stars! According to the ad, Kurkova’s working name is Kristina, Ambrosio’s is Masha and both are available 24 hours a day.

TMZ

Check out the advertisements here.

Jessica might well be getting pimped out, as her father apparently set her up with Dallas Cowboys star Tony Romo.

“Jessica has been in Nashville and Dallas recording her new country album. When Tony found out, he called Joe and said, ‘I know she’s not dating anyone right now, can I take her out for a drink at least?’ Jessica said it was OK for Joe to give Tony her number and they hit it off. They’ve been dating for a couple of weeks now, and Jessica is so happy. She’s been texting everyone about how great he is,” the friend said, adding that Romo even joined the Simpsons in Waco, Texas, for Thanksgiving.

A rep for Simpson wouldn’t comment on her personal life but told Page Six, “She is happily recording her country album.”

Fox News

Yep, Joe is weird. Jess is strange. The mum seems a little pushy. Her sister has an odd nose. I really, really want to spend Christmas with that wacko family – it might make a nice change from my own eccentric relatives

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Jessica Simpson out for dinner in NYC on November 16th. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Ashlee Simpson’s coy dodging of nose job related questions has all been for naught – her mouthy father, Svengali Joe Simpson has confirmed to Fox News that Ashlee did in fact have a nose job last year. I know, pick yourself up off the floor, and we’ll carry on.

“After more than a year of coy answers from Ashlee Simpson regarding her May 2006 nose job, her father Joe has finally confirmed that his daughter went under the knife. In an interview with Fox News, Joe says he had no control over Ashlee’s decision to undergo rhinoplasty.

“‘Girls have their own ideas,’ he shrugged. ‘Anyway, there was a real problem with her breathing and that was cured.’”

[From UsWeekly]

Yes we girls do have our own ideas. The nerve! I love that it wasn’t “People have their own ideas” or “My children have their own ideas.” The problem is that girls have their own ideas, and it’s just so dang hard to tell them what to do anymore!

And if you’ve been sitting around wondering to yourself, “Why are Jessica and Ashely Simpson so much better than Paris and Britney and the other skanks? Well, Joe has an answer for that, too.

“Joe, who also serves as manager to Ashlee, 22, and her sister Jessica, 27, credits good parenting as the reason his daughters haven’t gone the way of Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears.

“‘We have a real family,’ he said. ‘You can’t just put these kids out in the world and they’re on their own. I can remember a time when Jessica was singing at Madison Square Garden and her outfit ripped before she went on. We were there for her.’

[From Us Weekly]

Why am I not surprised that Papa Joe was there for Jessica when her outfit ripped, exposing her bare, heaving bosoms? His accidentally uber-creepy remarks regarding Jessica’s boobs are legendary. Now he’s moving on to the nose. And what’s the excuse when Ashley was caught lipsyncing on Saturday Night Live, and then broke out into a jig?

“‘She’d lost her voice, and Jordan Schur [then the head of her record label] insisted she lip-synch,’ he said. ‘She’d never done it before. She didn’t want to do it. Anyway, she’ll never do it again. We just did a huge tour, and there was no lip-synching.’

“The former Baptist minister also denies claims that he’s a controlling father. ‘I don’t tell my girls who to date or marry or what to do.’

“He also has no hard feelings against former son-in-law Nick Lachey. ‘I have nothing against Nick,’ he told me. ‘But they got married very young. I told Jessica, “You’re going to hit an age when it’s all going to be clear to you — life that is — and you’ll know what you want to do.’” Joe added: ‘I do blame 50 percent of their break-up on the media.’”

[From Us Weekly]

Well that’s fair, because I remember this time when a bunch of reporters made Jessica say stupid things, and then made Nick get angry at her for being so stupid, even though he’s really vapid himself. So I could understand how the media contributed to their divorce in a really significant way. I’m putting Papa Joe on my list of people who should not talk.

Note by Jaybird: Here’s Ashley at the VMAs on September 9th, and post nose job. Images thanks to PR Photos.