A new article in Vanity Fair features profiles and interviews with some of the guys made famous for dating the tabloid darlings – Paris, Nicole, Britney, Lohan and Mischa. Their small Hollywood circle of debauchery and wasted opportunity is frequently referred to as a high school clique, in which Paris serves as the unofficial head Heather.

Titled “I’m With Her,” the article isn’t about the celebrities’ boyfriends so much as a recap of the shenanigans that we’ve publicly witnessed in the last few event-filled months. Not much was news to me, but it was fun to read a somewhat scholarly take on the fast pace of gossip.

The author, Nancy Jo Sales, details the way that dating a star can skyrocket a guy to fame – with a cost. The guys become known for banging the stars and not for their own maybe-talent. We all know what people said about kept man crap-rapper K-Fed, but he did seem to deserve the jokes at his expense, and he’s recovered nicely now that Britney’s gone down the shitter.

Cisco Adler, Mischa Barton’s goofy looking big-balled ex, is interviewed and comes off as a rather level-headed guy who isn’t too affected by all the talk about him. He says that he didn’t date Mischa because she was famous, and that he was just awed by her beauty. Cisco tells a sweet story about how he used to look at Mischa when she woke up in the morning. He says that his relationship with Mischa was the first time he didn’t cheat on a girlfriend, and that it was all the external factors that go along with fame that broke them up. Cisco also uses the old “they’re young and it’s hard to deal with fame” excuse to explain LohitneyParis’ bad behavior. His ex, Mischa Barton, doesn’t seem to have followed suit, though:

“I’m not some serial star-dater,” he protests. “Mischa’s the most beautiful girl on the planet. Sometimes I would wake up and see her on the pillow next to me and be like, Oooh, there she is …

“It wasn’t us that broke us up, it was all the other shit…”

Cisco says, “Look, they’re young, these girls, and they’re thrown this bucket of shit, and it makes them act kind of weird. If they were all locked in a room together they’d come out the best of friends.”

“Really?” I ask.

“Well maybe,” he says, “if they lived.”

It isn’t easy being a boyfriend of one of these much-sought-after starlets, Cisco says. “There’s no privacy. We were literally running away from paparazzi. They would camp outside my house.” When he’d finally had enough, he ended it, he says. “My dog died of pet-food poisoning, I broke up with my girlfriend, and this picture of my balls turns up on the Internet—that was the cherry on top.” Or maybe cherries.

He wistfully admits he misses Mischa. “I used to be a horrible cheater; in this last relationship I didn’t cheat once, I changed. Sometimes I used to cheat and go back and make love with my girlfriend on the same day! I used to get off on that. I used to think I was so dope.”

[From VanityFair.com]

Other famous boyfriends interviewed include rockers Joel Madden and Pete Wentz, who didn’t acknowledge at the time (the interview was conducted a few months ago) that he was with Ashlee Simpson. He just repeated the claim that he doesn’t think anyone is fully heterosexual or homosexual, and said he was dating a woman and that she was famous.

The interview saves the most famous star-f*$#er for last, K-Fed. At that point he wasn’t the standout parent in his estranged relationship with Britney, and was just emerging as less of a douchebag. They repeat the story where K-Fed was at a party and asked his next baby-momma to step up. There’s not much original printed from his phone interview, just the fact that he asserts he’s a playa:

“My moms used to call me ‘the Womanizer’ when I was younger. That says it all,” an amiable Federline tells me on the phone from his home in L.A. “I love women. I mean, I love women, you know?”

Maybe K-Fed should talk to Pete Wentz, who has a legitimate music career and is not so quick to assert his heterosexuality. Not that there’s any connection between the two, it’s just kind of jr. high when guys talk about how much they like getting laid.

Interestingly enough none of Lohan’s exes are interviewed, although many of her hookups including Pink Taco CEO Harry Morton and British reality star Calum Best are mentioned. Morton enjoyed a lot of free publicity for his food chain from his very public dalliance with Lindsay. He seems to have got the hell out of there in time to keep his sanity too. That seems to be key to dating one of the three disgraces effectively.

Thanks for Vanity Fair for the header photo, taken by Lohan’s ex, director Brett Ratner, in his disco basement.

The worst kept secret in Hollywood has been conformed. Nicole Richie is pregnant. She tells Diane Sawyer that yes, she is pregnant, “I’m almost four months.”

In the interview she adds this about her drunken driving conviction.

“I have a responsibility and it’s something that I did wrong, and if I could personally apologize to every single person who has lost a loved one from drunk driving, I would. Unfortunately, I can’t, but this is my way of paying my dues and taking responsibility and being an adult.”

She adds to OK! magazine.

“I was watching CNN about a month ago, and they happened to be talking about young people driving under the influence. They were flashing little kids (on the screen) who were killed by drunk drivers, and it broke my heart. It was a big wake-up call.”

All quotes taken from USA Today.

Well, she only had to get caught twice to work it out!! That jail sentence is a good idea, she might forget.

Nicole is looking really cute – maybe what Gwyneth says about pregnancy vitamins is true. Boyfriend Joel Madden appears with her for the interview, looking less cute.

In other pregnancy news, Christina Aguilera is finishing her world tour this week, after being given the all-clear by doctors. Still no word on her pregnancy from the singer, although her illness is being said than more than just a simple case of singing-impeding sniffles, she actually collapsed backstage. Two more nights, Chrissie, then a long haul flight back home, and you can put your feet up. And your swollen ankles.

Note by Celebitchy: Can I please gloat again for calling her pregnant back when I saw the “potbelly” pictures, before the Enquirer was even saying it?

Now that everyone is assuming Nicole Richie is pregnant, since she was photographed with a sort-of baby bump and hasn’t been seen out for quite a while (which in celebrity-speak is like a couple of weeks) they’ve moved on to speculating who the father is. She’s been with Joel Madden for months, but The National Enquirer features a side cover story in its next edition asking who the father is and including little square faces of four potential sperm donors. Ex boyfriends Brody Jenner and DJ AM are featured, along with one-time hookup Steve-O thrown in for good measure.

Entertainmentwise sums up the speculation, but they’re probably just going on the Enquirer cover details just like the rest of us:

The National Enquirer will claim that there were four men in Nicole’s life before she found out that she was pregnant.

Their report says that Nicole will not know for sure who fathered her child until the potential baby-daddies undergo paternity tests.

A source tells the Enquirer: “Nicole recently underwent a series of tests, including blood and urine screenings, which confirmed she is pregnant.”

Though she is yet to officially confirm the pregnancy, Nicole has been busy shopping for baby products in recent weeks.

[Entertainmentwise via Gossip Rocks]

All those guys were around months before Nicole got pregnant, so if she is knocked up by some miracle it’s doubtful that anyone by Madden is the father.

At a recent radio interview, a DJ started to ask Madden about his girlfriend’s pregnancy, saying “I have to ask…” Joel retorted “You don’t have to ask, you want to ask. I won’t answer. I don’t speak about home at work.” His twin brother Benji saved the awkward moment by saying “And I don’t speak about work at home.”

Header image is an older one of Nicole and Joel together from Splash News. Image below of the National Enquirer cover thanks to popbytes.

Not about eating though. But with Joel Madden.

Nicole Richie and boyfriend Joel Madden are currently house hunting in Los Angeles – just three months after the pair began dating. The star pleaded not guilty yesterday to a charge of driving while under the influence and faces up to a year in jail if convicted of a second DUI.

Richie, who lives in a West Hollywood condominium, and Good Charlotte singer Madden, who has a house in suburban Glendale, are searching for a new home to live in together.

A source tells Us Weekly, “Nicole hasn’t moved in with him yet…but they are looking at places.”

Wow, three months and they’re already contemplating moving in together. Call me old fashioned, but what the freaking hell? I mean how long do you think it will *really* last? This is Hollywood. Perhaps it’s the ultimate comfort knowing that Joel is going to finally get steady ass after being with the Virginal Duff. Or it could be Nicole knowing that she has a place to come home to after prison. Who knows?

Maybe this will be beneficial for Joel Madden. Maybe he’ll start writing good songs. Maybe Nicole Richie will start eating again. Maybe I’m effin’ delusional.

Thanks to Star Plus.

Nicole Richie is moving quickly with her new boyfriend, Hillary Duff’s ex Joel Madden of the band Good Charlotte. Joel’s twin brother and bandmate Benji Madden lives right next to him and is said to be annoyed that Nicole is staying over at his brother’s house all the time and plans to move in:

Nicole and Joel seem to be moving rather quickly and not everyone’s a fan. We know Hilary thinks Nicole is a “skank” and now it seems as if Joel’s BFF and brother Benji does not like his new lady either. The problem is, they may already be moving in together.

Sources close to Richie say she is “moving stuff out of her West Hollywood condo into his Glendale home,” and Joel’s bandmate, brother, and next-door neighbor Benji is “furious.” The source also said Joel and Nicole “have already become inseparable, and spend almost every night together.

It seems Benji might be too busy with his personal life to worry too much about his brother. He just announced that he is engaged to cute Australian actress Sophie Monk. He proposed to her while they were staying in Australia for New Years. Unlike Benji, Joel is said to approve of his brother’s choice in women and is quoted as saying “She’s so cool. I hang out with her, we have a great time.”

Joel and Nicole spent New Year’s Eve in Las Vegas, where Joel hosted a bash at Ghostbar at The Palms Casino. They were photographed kissing and cuddling during the party. Pictures from Flynet Online.

Good Charlotte singer Joel Madden and teen sensation Hilary Duff are said to have cut ties. Madden told girls at a club in Chicago that he’s single now after Duff broke it off with him about a week and a half ago:

Madden made a guest DJ appearance at Enclave on Wednesday night and openly talked about how he is currently single. Madden told clubgoers Duff broke up with him about ten days ago and that their eight-year age difference was causing problems. (Madden is 27, Duff is 19.)

Hilary revealed in a Jane magazine interview that not everything was well in her relationship with Joel. She said that the paparazzi help them make up during fights as they don’t want pictures taken when they’re angry:

She says, “If we’re out some place, we could totally be fighting, but we’ll be looking at each other (smiling) because there’s a camera right there.
“Then we end up forgetting we’re in a fight, because we’re laughing since it’s not a real thing to do, and we’re both such real people.”

Hilary and Joel were dating just over a year, having confirmed their relationship in the summer of 2005.

Here are pictures of Hilary in Teen Vogue, courtesy of Oh-Hilary.com. Her teeth do look a little smaller to me, but it’s hard to tell.