CNN’s Showbiz Tonight had a pretty funny segment (above) ranking the most toxic bachelors of 2009. Jon Gosselin ranked highest, with Levi Johnston, John Mayer and Bobby Brown coming in close behind. It’s a shame that Tiger isn’t divorced yet, because he makes Gosselin look like the clumsiest of amateur philanderers. Runner-ups include Chris Brown and Jude Law. Host Brooke Anderson points out that while some may name Kaiser’s favorites Gerard Butler and George Clooney among the most toxic bachelors, they may get around but are not, in fact “toxic.”

ANDERSON: It seems John Mayer`s second career after a fabulous musician is heartbreaker. From Jennifer Love Hewitt to Jessica Simpson to Jennifer Aniston, this guy`s a major wooer.

JO PIAZZA: There was the big thing where he famously talked about Jennifer Aniston and his relationship with TMZ, talked about their breakup…

ANDERSON: Gabbing about a public breakup? Bad move, John. And so, SHOWBIZ TONIGHT declares John Mayer`s toxic bachelor rating a mighty three broken hearts out of five…

The most toxic bachelor of 2009 has to be Jon Gosselin, mainly because he was going out and gallivanting with pretty much with anything with ****.

ANDERSON: Aside from his soul mate, 22-year-old Hailey Glassman, who now claims Jon is emotionally abusive, Jon has also has been connected to his babysitter, some questionable types in Vegas, and former “Star” magazine reporter, Kate Major. She told SHOWBIZ TONIGHT in an exclusive interview that Jon is a major player…

Jon has to do something to fix his tarnished reputation and fast. But until that day happens, Jon Gosselin is officially named the most toxic bachelor of them all. Jon, you get five broken hearts out of five. Congrats.

[From Transcripts.CNN.com]

It seems like CNN’s criteria for toxic involves the level to which the bachelor makes an ass out of himself in public, not necessarily the amount of women he runs around with. All of those men qualify and I’m sure we can come up with more.

In related Jon Gosselin news, his ex “soulmate,” Hailey Glassman, tweets that her New Year’s resolution is to get Jon “out of my life” and to move out of their shared New York apartment. It’s doubtful that Jon can afford it without her. Last week’s National Enquirer reported that he borrowed $90,000 out of her life savings and wants to pay her back on an “installment plan.” It’s going to take him a while. He’s responsible for over five figures a month in child support and has been legally barred from earning money from public appearances. Jon recently tried to trade in his 2005 BMW for some cash and a Subaru, but got denied by the dealer. What a shame.

You know how I said I was going to give John Mayer a pass this week because he might have bought a homeless guy a meal? Yeah. I might have to retract that sh-t. Because John Mayer is back to giving douchey interviews. I’m so confused! Should I take a pass on this hilarious stupidity, or should I just enjoy, as I usually do? I think you know the answer.

First, let me say this – I don’t actually consider John Mayer to be a dumb guy. He’s not. He’s pretty smart… he’s just not as smart as he thinks he is. That’s my biggest problem with Mayer: he thinks he’s a f-cking genius, and he’s not. He just some douche with more brains than most. Okay, now onto the interview – Mayer was on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, probably promoting his new album, Battle Studies. Of course the conversation came to Mayer’s personal life, and I’m honestly surprised Mayer didn’t pull out a bullhorn to tell every little detail about who he’s screwing and why:

John Mayer says he is taking a break from dating.

“I’m not dating,” the singer, 32, says on The Ellen DeGeneres Show Tuesday. “I don’t know if you know this, but I have sort of a funny track record. Which is actually not that strange given my age. I’m a little freaked out right now about it, to be honest.”

Adds Mayer, “I’m just going to let time pass and just do my thing.”

This past year, Mayer made headlines for his on-and-off romance with Jennifer Aniston. He has also romanced Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Minka Kelly, among others. But he isn’t complaining.

“For some reason, whoever I date has been famous for a while,” he says. “I can’t sit here and be like, ‘Oh please, let me live my life in private with this famous person who’s been around for 15 years.’ I have to figure out what are the things that I ask for and sign up for, in terms of cause and effect. The last thing you want is to see me bashing my head going, ‘I’m shocked that I’m being followed right now!’”

At the end of the day, Mayer insists, “I have a good heart. I think I may have gotten lost a couple of times, but so does everybody. I’m just going to hunker down. 2010 is a peaceful year for me, no matter what I do.”

[From Us Weekly]

Eh. A “good heart”? I can’t help it, I think the guy’s a closet case who treats women like sh-t because he’s so self-loathing. But I do think it’s hysterical that he uses words like “funny,” “strange” and “freaked out” in regards to his dating history. Note this too – Mayer says he isn’t “dating” anyone, but he’s either lying (shocking!) or he doesn’t consider what he’s doing “dating”. Which means that Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson were probably just bangin’ him and they were like “No really, we aren’t dating, please don’t tell anyone we’re dating.”

By the way, I think Mayer’s guitar has unfortunately taken the place of a girlfriend/boyfriend. Take the bitch out to dinner first, Mayer!

Update by Celebitchy: Here’s the video of Mayer talking to Ellen about dating. That part starts at about 4:30. The video below is just a segment. Here’s a link to Part 1 and Part 2 of the full interview, and here’s a link to Mayer performing “Who Says”.

I like to write about John Mayer being a douche because, well, it happens so often. You can’t go a week without hearing some minor or major story about John Mayer threatening to sodomize someone, or blaming his racism on the theory that he got laid in high school. So it is with a heavy heart that I am reporting a nice John Mayer story – it may not be true, but if it is, it was a really nice thing to do. Life & Style reports that when Mayer was out club-hopping recently, he ran into a homeless dude on the street. When the man asked for a quarter, Mayer offered to buy the guy some food instead – and ended up sitting with the guy, eating a pizza. Nice:

It was a typical NYC night out for John Mayer and his pals on Dec. 1. But between hitting hot spots the Slipper Room and the Darkroom, John managed to help out a new friend.

“A homeless man came up to them asking for a quarter,” an eyewitness tells Life & Style. “John offered to buy him food instead.”

The man asked if John would take him to lower Manhattan’s famed Katz’s Delicatessen for a roast beef sandwich.

“I’ll buy you two, let’s go!” John said. The man told John not to bother, but the compassionate singer, 32, wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Maybe a pizza?” the man suggested. The pair then went to Rosario’s Pizza. “John waited in line with him,” says the witness, “sipped a bottle of water and bought the man a pizza!”

[From Life & Style]

So, Mayer gets a pass this week. That is, unless he does something truly awful. In other Mayer news (that I’m not going to criticize), Mayer tweeted about Tiger Woods on Sunday, writing that: “Accenture just dropped Tiger. Apparently he was no longer a good fit with that company that nobody knows what the hell they do? Dear Accenture, I would love to endorse your space shuttle parts. Or is it your sentient war machines? Tic Tac Toe scoreboards? Do they make assgaskets? Motorized fake beard racks? Big pants for little people? Do they make dollhouse panic rooms? A gun that shoots whips? Panther saddles?” Twitch, twitch, twitch. I’m not saying anything. Oh, and one more piece of Mayer news: tomorrow (Wednesday), he’s going to be the special guest DJ on The Spectrum, SIRIUS channel 18 and XM channel 45. Pass!

Alright, this is sort of a convoluted story, so I’ll try to keep this as simple as possible: John Mayer is a douchey racist. Trust me. Need more? Okay. Here goes. This story comes from New York Magazine’s Vulture column, via Lainey Gossip. Incidentally, it was the one of NY Mag’s Vulture column people that caught up with John Mayer a few months ago and tried to interview him, only to have Mayer threaten “I’m going to forcefully sodomize your editor.” So, there’s some history there. Anyway, this story is about John Mayer’s attempt at stand-up at the Slipper Room last week, and the story comes directly from a comedian named Kumail Nanjiani, who not only witnessed Mayer’s act, but was the one to fall victim to Mayer’s racist douchery.

A quick word about Nanjiani: he’s an up-and-coming Pakistani comedian who has spent the last year performing on late night shows for David Letterman, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, and Saturday Night Live. He’s been named one of the “Ten Comedians To Watch” and he’s making deals all over the place. Basically, he’s a funny guy, and he does this for a living, with great joy.

Here’s what happened when Mayer showed up at the Slipper Room, told by Nanjiani and New York Magazine:

John Mayer showed up at the Slipper Room unannounced last Tuesday night and asked the evening’s emcee, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon’s Seth Herzog, if he could do five minutes of stand-up. According to Nanjiani, who was originally scheduled to take the stage when Mayer showed up, Mayer then proceeded to bomb for not five minutes, but for twenty, eating into Nanjiani’s performance time. Which would have been fine, except Mayer then decided to come back out onstage AGAIN in the middle of Nanjiani’s set.

This is when things got weird.

To hear Nanjiani tell the story, he was somewhat rattled after having had his set time cut by John Mayer, but things got awkward after Mayer referred to the Pakistan-born Kumail as “Kabul.” Whoops! Making matters even worse, Mayer apparently then began heckling Nanjiani onstage, telling him that “he looked like a brown guy but sounded like a white guy.” Double whoops! Now, Nanjiani was careful last night not to accuse Mayer of being a racist, nor does he seem to hold a real grudge against Mayer; rather, he was just relating a hilariously surreal story of a recent stand-up gig to a bunch of comedy nerds (like us!).

[From New York Magazine]

Ha, Mayer thinks it’s funny to mispronounce a Pakistani’s name, making it sound like an Afghan city. Hysterical. It’s always so funny when someone basically says to you “You have brown skin and a non-Anglo name, so you’re not worth the two seconds it would take to learn how to pronounce your name correctly.” And yes, I take it personally. I have an Indian name, and I don’t care when people mispronounce my name when they’re trying to sound it out, I just think that’s polite, like they’re making an effort. I only care when someone mangles my name because they don’t think I’m worth the effort.

What’s worse is that Mayer doubles down on his douchery, saying “he looked like a brown guy but sounded like a white guy.” Ugh. What a bitch.

When Mayer was discussing the incident to The Comic’s Comic, he described what went down as: “I’m blind and I’m an idiot. I go in and I smash things with my big, dumb Hulk hands. I don’t know how to do it yet. I don’t know how to bomb. It was combative in the sense that the crowd didn’t really accept the fact that the jock, the guy who gets the girls, was at a place where the guys go who talk about how they don’t get the girls.” So… Mayer’s not a racist, he’s just a guy who gets laid, and all of us are jellus h8ters? Right.

Mayer went on, trying to explain how he was trying to rescue Kumail, we just misunderstood: “I’d never met Kumail. But I’m also in performance-mode, and in barrel-ahead mode, and with not enough information. Performer to performer, I felt like, he’s having trouble transitioning. They always think the other guy is the bigger guy. I’m just trying to tell them I’m John. Once I go out up there, I’m an amateur comic. In my state of vulnerability, I thought, it’s not moving forward… The whole thing was so odd. It was off-kilter from the moment I’d gotten onstage…So I get onstage, and I didn’t know he didn’t want me onstage. I’m the exact opposite of a ham when I go to a comedy club… I’m trying to go for broke. When you’re that flustered, your references are off. I felt really bad. I felt like I ruined his set.”

Mayer also says that he ended up apologizing to Kumail. Which is better than most casual racists would do, so I give Mayer a small bit of credit for that. But not much.

I remember hearing that John Mayer gave Jennifer Aniston one of his guy-style Rolexes and that she wore it proudly ,even sporting it after they broke up for the second time. They got together again after that, although it’s hard to tell how long it lasted.

Now that Jennifer and John are over again for good maybe, she’s been seen out driving a silver Bentley – that she reportedly bought for him. So he gave her an expensive watch and she bought him a Bentley? I wasn’t able to semi-confirm this news at all, and this is the first I’ve heard that she bought him a Bentley. Those cars cost over a quarter million, so I’d like to think she bought the thing for herself and not her hot and cold overly talkative lover. This news is in Star Magazine anyway, so the only true part could be the fact that she’s driving a Bentley.

Nothing says revenge like a brand-new Bentley! Jennifer Aniston has been cruising around in the $350,000 ride, but she didn’t get the sexy toy for herself – it was meant as a gift for her off-again ex, John Mayer! “Jen really wanted to knock John’s socks off with this car,” an insider tells Star. “Unfortunately, they broke up soon after she ordered it.” Jen didn’t let the expensive purchase go to waste. “She got back at John by keeping it for herself!” dishes the insider.

[From Star Magazine, print edition, December 14, 2009]

Yeah, all Star has is a timeline and Aniston in a new Bentley. It’s a nice car I guess, but it kind of seems like an old person car to me. There’s something kind of stodgy about the car, but I don’t like BMWs either and they have similar lines. I also think Louis Vuitton purses are ugly, so what do I know. Just because something is really expensive and luxurious doesn’t mean that everyone will necessarily covet it.

In related Jennifer Aniston news, she was served with legal papers outside the launch of her trainer’s new yoga DVD in LA last night. Photo agency Pacific Coast News reports that she was summoned to be a witness in a lawsuit against her agent, Todd Shemarya, who “is being sued by his former assistant Heather Devlin in a sexual harassment case.” That must have sucked to get served outside after a nice time out with friends. Also at the DVD launch were Courtney Cox, Ricki Lake, Josh Groban and Faye Resnick.

A car similar to Aniston’s new silver Bentley. Photo credit: LSDSL on Wikimedia.

Photos outside Aniston’s yoga DVD launch credit: Josephine Santos, PacificCoastNews.com. Other photos are from 11/30/09 at LAX and are credit: Fame Pictures

The first version of this story was “John Mayer is probably nailing Lindsay Lohan”. But in later versions, the story changed. Since I like the first version, I’ll bring you that one as a starter. Apparently, John Mayer and Lindsay Lohan were hanging out a few night ago, and E! claims Lindsay’s “sights” were set on Mayer. Her “sights” being “her cracked out glassy eyes”. E! has a source who claimed: “She would follow his every move. He would dance with the waitresses and then come back. She was way into it.” After their night of dancing and drinking and flirting, Lohan crack tweeted: “@johncmayer shhhhhhhhhhhhhh butter-face J”. Yeah. I don’t know what it means either.

Anyhoodle, later versions of this story are still spinning. Actually, I don’t know if these stories are from the same night, or if Mayer and Lohan hung out several nights in a row or what. But now sources are claiming that Mayer has reunited Samantha Ronson and Lohan. Because that’s what douches do. They reunite mentally unstable drug addicts with their enablers, and expect to be called a “good guy”. First, here’s People’s take:

Lindsay Lohan and John Mayer were both hanging out with Samantha Ronson, who was deejaying at New York nightspot Butter. Mayer arrived first with his male posse in tow, and the singer scoped out the scene and stopped to flirt with female revelers. He also greeted Ronson at his table, though she soon headed over to the deejay booth. Then Lohan arrived and started chatting up Mayer. While Lohan was definitely there to see Ronson, according to an onlooker the two didn’t really interact much, though there were at the same table all night. “You could tell they were there together and both talking to John Mayer,” the onlooker says. “They all stayed at the same time talking until past 3 a.m.”

[From People]

Gatecrasher has more details about the reunion. They make it sound like Lohan had a temper tantrum to Mayer, and he tried to calm her down by getting Samantha to come over:

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson may be getting back together – with the help of an unlikely friend. John Mayer was spotted playing relationship counselor to the exes when they ran into each other at NYC hot spot Butter on Monday night. And Mayer may have worked a miracle.

“Lindsay and Sam didn’t arrive together,” says a partygoer. “Lindsay walked in, and the two said a quick hello, but then Linds went to the table where John was sitting.”

According to the source, Sam eventually came over to the table but sat far away on the opposite side – much to LiLo’s dismay.

“Lindsay looked upset that Sam hadn’t come over to her, and she started whispering to John, who looked like he was trying to calm her down,” says the snitch. “She looked pretty angry. Then John got up and went to talk to Sam.”

We’re not sure what he crooned to the famed deejay, but it must have been pretty convincing: Ronson got up with Mayer and went over to La Lohan just a few minutes later.

The source notes that after Mayer’s intervention, the tumultuous twosome spent much of the night talking and laughing. La Lohan even ended the evening looking content – and (dare we say it?) stable.

“Lindsay seemed happier than she has in ages,” the spy says. “Sam eventually got up and deejayed for a while, and Lindsay kept standing up and looking over to the deejay booth, smiling.”

In between watching Ronson, Lohan hung out with the likes of movie critic Ben Lyons and singer/songwriter Blake Ian.

Mayer, having done his good deed for the week, ducked out before Linds and Sam did – but not without a hug from LiLo and a more-than-friendly goodbye from a scantily clad blond.

“Lindsay and Sam both stayed past 3,” the partygoer says. “They didn’t leave together, but they definitely ended the night on good terms.”

[From Gatecrasher]

Yeah… I’m not prepared to consider Mayer’s actions a “good deed”. I was happy that Samantha finally got away from Lindsay. Many more people need to get away from Lindsay. If people continue to enable her and treat her like she’s anything other than a drug addicted mess/jewel thief/insane brat, she’ll never get help. And personally, I just enjoyed Lindsay’s crazy crack tweets begging Samantha to pay attention to her. If it doesn’t happen on Lindsay’s Twitter page, it doesn’t happen!

John Mayer in Toronto on November 23, 2009. Samantha and Lindsay together, back on July 30, 2009. Additional photo of Lindsay on December 1 at LAX. Credit: WENN.

I’ve been hearing rumors about this alleged hookup for about a month now, but never anything solid. Allegedly, John Mayer is only having affairs with Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston in the tabloids – in reality, he might be quietly dating Rashida Jones. Rashida, daughter of Quincy Jones and ex-girlfriend of John Krasinski, actually seems like a half-decent match for Mayer, in my opinion. She’s a television actress, she’s cute, she’s family with the music industry, and she seems to have a thing for goofy white boys. I mean that in a good way, seriously. I also think Rashida is less likely to use any romantic relationship to get press or a career boost, which must be a new thing for Mayer. Anyway, Page Six is reporting that Rashida is “staying mum” on her relationship for now. Good for her:

Rashida Jones is staying mum on her rumored relationship with John Mayer. At the other night’s charity event for Peace Games at the Limited’s pop-up store in SoHo, the “Parks and Recreations” star deflected questions about the singer, with whom she’s been spotted around town since the end of October, and said she’d only talk about the charity. Jones did mention that she’d be staying in town for Thanksgiving and going shopping on Black Friday for the first time.

[From Page Six]

The last thing I heard about Rashida was that she was quietly dating Jon Favreau, President Obama’s chief speechwriter. But I think that relationship probably ended, likely because of the whole bicoastal thing. The Huffington Post even reported that Favreau went solo to this week’s state dinner. Hm… state dinners with a speechwriter or O-faces with Mayer? I know what I would choose.

John Mayer arriving at the Hard Rock Cafe for a performance to promote his new album ‘Battle Studies’ in Toronto on November 23, 2009. Rashida Jones at the Jimmy Choo launch party in West Hollywood on November 2, 2009. Credit: WENN

John Mayer is the cover boy for the December issue of Details Magazine. The full interview is here, but I’m only going to do the highlights, because if we let him, John Mayer will douchily pontificate our ears off. Some minor things first: John Mayer drinks Scotch! Damn, I drink Scotch. I need a new drink. I can’t drink the same thing as Mayer. He also studies Krav Maga, the Israeli martial arts that’s popular with Mossad. I know that from watching NCIS. Seriously. And LeRoy Jethro Gibbs drinks Scotch too… methinks Mayer’s favorite show is NCIS. Anyway, what other gems are there? Mayer “drives sensibly” and he has a Porsche Cayenne. And his fourth album, Battle Studies, is about to be released. Here’s more:

Mayer on his album: He wanted to tap into the “hazy, Sunset, rustic, California, Don Henley, Fleetwood Mac feel.” Mayer credits much of the record’s strength to the grooves laid down by his drummer and coproducer, onetime Keith Richards sideman Steve Jordan. “His muscle is so fantastic when you pair it with my very floral sensibility,” Mayer says. “I love pretty. . . . I looove pretty.”

Collections: Aesthetics are important to Mayer—to an extent that would probably give his business manager sleepless nights were the singer ever to make an album that merely went gold. Mayer’s “voracious curiosity for things”—as he describes it—has led him to accumulate vast collections of watches, guitars, cars, Leica cameras, and women’s leather bags. “I have the obsessiveness of someone who’s a sober, recovering addict displacing his addiction,” Mayer says. “Except I never had the addiction.”

Mayer on his finances: “I’m in the place of greatest freedom right now—not giving a f-ck,” he says, taking a seat in the Chateau Marmont’s courtyard restaurant. “I have what I would consider artistic tenure, and I created it for myself. I don’t have anybody telling me what to do.” Despite the fact that he had already sold nearly 12.5 million albums, Mayer does not feel completely secure financially. “I don’t have ‘f-ck-you’ money,” he says. “I have ‘that’s my seat’ money.”

Mayer on why people think he’s a douche: Mayer understands why he comes off a little, shall we say, brazen. “Yes, I’m a little jazz-hand-y,” Mayer says. “But people forget that bands traditionally have been a little jazz-hand-y. If you have the propensity to be in show business, chances are you’re a little jazz-hand-y.”

Mayer on his musical cred: “I don’t know if you know, but I’m not exactly Bob Dylan—I’m already a pop musician. I’m interested in being informed by all of this music while still meeting the requirements of what a pop song is. I don’t mind compromising.”

Mayer on using Twitter to keep in touch with his fans: “Celebrities are the world’s worst data gatherers,” Mayer says. “We’re day-trading in a small sliver of a demographic: people who read a third-rate gossip website and just have to post comments. Why would I want to jockey for position intellectually with people who read Perez Hilton or X17online.com?”

[From Details]

Mayer goes on and on about being a douchebag and being perceived as a douchebag. Then… something happens in the interview that I wasn’t expecting. Mayer notices that Gerard Butler is sitting at another table, and he goes over to talk to him. I just going to put the complete part of the interview now:

Mayer notices that Gerard Butler, Hollywood’s latest British import, is also sitting at the table. The two men glance at each other in semi-recognition, and Mayer goes over to break the ice. For 20 minutes, the rest of the world disappears as the pair huddle together in what appears to be an intense discussion.

We are being afforded a rare and precious glimpse of what really occurs within the inner sanctums of the International Fraternity of Show Folk. An instant friendship between two celebrities who would appear to be connected only by the tax bracket they share.

“We talked about New York,” Mayer explains when he returns. “We’re in a bit of the same position of being branded womanizers.” Appearing slightly flustered, the singer pulls out his iPhone for the first time in several hours and attends to some pressing business.

Since Gerard Butler has been “romantically linked” with Mayer’s on-again, off-again paramour Jennifer Aniston (although both have denied these rumors), we must revisit the thorny topic of his relationships with famous women. There’s a creeping suspicion in some quarters that Mayer dates celebrities in order to further his own career. Not surprisingly, he is quick to shoot down this notion.

“You just never know who’s going to come into your life,” he says. “To my mind, the only thing sicker than saying, ‘Wow, you’re a famous person and it would do a lot for my career to go out with you,’ is to say, ‘Wow, you’re a famous person and I like you and all, but I can’t do that to my career.’ I don’t think either of those is a good option.”

[From Details]

Yeah, I think Mayer probably hit on Gerard. Because Mayer is a self-loathing closet case. Still, it makes me uncomfortable to think of Mayer and Gerard anywhere near each other. In any case, this was one of the better interviews I’ve ever read with Mayer. I’m not saying I like him or that he’s growing on me or anything, just that he’s coming across as less douchey for a moment.

Photo credit: Details

John Mayer was interviewed by the New York Times this weekend, but I only saw the interview because Gawker had a story about it called “All John Mayer Interviews Now Lead to the Same Conclusion: He’s (Probably) a Date Rapist.” Gawker even pulls quotes from last month’s infamous New York Magazine interview with Mayer where he acted like a f-cking douche and ended the interview saying “I’m going to forcefully sodomize your editor.” Yeah. Is this particularly “date-rapey”? Not really. I would classify this as “dumb douche who thinks he’s clever makes a stupid joke in an attempt to funny”.

Anyway, onto the NYT interview. Mayer doesn’t come across as badly as the other piece, but he still sounds like a piece of work (to me). I guess some girls go for his shtick, but he gives me a headache. I just feel like he’s trying too hard. Like everything he does screams “preening”. Here are some of the highlights from the piece (full NYT article here):

“I should be having sex with more girls.” This is what John Mayer concluded, using slightly more colorful language, last Sunday night at his anonymously modern apartment in SoHo.

They’re everywhere, after all, and Mr. Mayer has not been unwilling in the past. But the last couple of years, full of tabloids and TMZ, have taken their toll.

“It’s crazy to me that in my head, that being 32 and dating women is going to get me in trouble,” he said, talking faster as he went along. “I can’t even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It’s a nightmare.”

Being an ambivalent, self-aware heartthrob has its downsides, it turns out, and Mr. Mayer, who in his day job is one of the most popular soft-rock singers of the last decade, isn’t shy about sharing them. In the three years since his last album, the double-platinum “Continuum” (Columbia), was released, he’s become a demiceleb of the tabloid world, as well known for his arm candy — Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston — and his tests of will with the media as for his music. But now it’s music time again, right?

If Mr. Mayer has successfully put his cynicism about women and romance into one album, then “Battle Studies” (Columbia), released on Tuesday, is it — “one record about one thing,” Mr. Mayer said. It’s claustrophobic and, for him, somewhat dark. Most of the songs are skeptical about love, and about lovers, and about anyone looking and passing judgment from the outside in.”

“There’s nothing I’ve done musically that’s been a wild misstep,” he said. “Basically, you’re saying, can you risk failure? And that’s something that I’m struggling with right now, because in my life, I would like to do something in music that risks a misstep.”

“I’m too young to be that dependable,” he continued. “I don’t want to be that dependable. Something pendulous has to happen. If I’m as self-aware as I say I am, then I would probably know that pretty soon, there’s going to have to be a wrench thrown somewhere so that the momentum keeps moving forward.”

It’s hard to listen to [Mayer’s fourth album] “Battle Studies” without wondering: This is the same person who delivered a homily about ending his relationship with Ms. Aniston on a New York street corner in front of a TMZ camera? Who (jokingly, he insists) tussled with a reporter for New York magazine’s Web site, nymag.com, resulting in a piece headlined “John Mayer Threatens to Sodomize Us”?

“What is the odd man out,” he said, “is it the record or the coverage? I’m not going to let it be the record. I think if you’re listening to ‘Battle Studies’ and you think it’s a record about high-profile relationships, I haven’t done a good enough job.”

“They say I’m a womanizer,” he complained. “I say I haven’t met enough women.”

[From The New York Times]

There’s a lot of stuff about John’s new album and the writer claims Mayer is “one of the most technically skilled guitar players of the day” but I found the most interesting quotes to be about Mayer’s personal stuff, of course. The quote “I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution” is really telling, isn’t it? For some reason, I don’t think Mayer was talking out of his ass on that one. I really do think he’s a self-loathing closet case. And I think he’s a misogynist, for real. I think he hates women very passionately. But that’s just my take.

John Mayer outside the Ed Sullivan Theater for the ‘Late Show With David Letterman’ on November 19, 2009. Credit: WENN

Last week’s OK! featured a deceptive cover that made it seem like it had an interview with Twilight’s golden couple, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Titled “Inside Our Home,” with the fake quote “We’re already like a married couple,” the article inside just had photos of the hotel suites that that stars were staying in while filming in Vancouver along with some thoughts from locals and merchants they’d run into.

This week OK! is a little more straightforward but still seems to promote an interview that won’t be inside. Featuring a photo taken of John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston in December, 2008, OK! promises “all the exclusive details on how Jen got her guitar-slinging loverboy back.” John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston’s on-again relationship, their third try on the reconciliation tilt a whirl, was confirmed by People Magazine on Thursday of last week, which was just too late to hit the tabloid print cycle.

On John Mayer’s new album Battle Studies , the singer croons, “Friends, lovers or nothing — we can only ever be one.”

And after months of steamy, no-strings-attached hookups with gal pal Jennifer Aniston, the on-off pair have decided what they want to be to each other: full-time lovers!

In the new issue of OK! — on sale everywhere Thursday — you’ll get all the exclusive details on how Jen got her guitar-slinging loverboy back… by playing hard-to-get!

Also, details of the reunited couple’s secret, steamy nights behind closed doors at Manhattan’s ultra-luxe Four Seasons Hotel. Plus, OK! reveals the Friends star’s plan to finally have the baby she’s been wanting for so long.

[From OK!]

Oh give me a break with the “Jennifer Aniston baby plan” story. We’ve heard that for years. If she’s still with Mayer and he hasn’t bailed yet with some lame complicated excuse then I hope she’s just in it for the sex. She knows better than to get too involved with that cad, but clearly she’s not thinking this through or she never would have gone there again.

I remember seeing an interview with Aniston on The Late Show in which she was promoting He’s Just Not That Into You and admitted that she hadn’t read the book. She disagreed with parts of it that were read out by Jay Leno. She said that she didn’t agree with the statements “He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out” because “aren’t men shy sometimes?” and “He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you” asking “for how long?” She needs to read that book, and many more relationship self help books, and take the advice seriously.

I don’t think she’s as stuck on Mayer as OK! seems to be suggesting to move copies, but she is definitely wasting time if she’s looking for something long term. We won’t be hearing about this much longer, though. I doubt this will be a big seller for OK! and I doubt these two will stay together for more than a couple weeks in this third go-around.