Heaven forbid Katie Price leave her ugly ass body alone. The woman with a crazy plastic surgery is clearly way too dumb to realize that she got herself so ugly by going under the knife too many times. Thus to her, the logical solution is to keep getting plastic surgery after plastic surgery to try to undo all the grossness incurred by the multitude of previous plastic surgeries.

As she arrived in Los Angeles yesterday, the bountiful assets that made Katie Price her fortune were proudly on show.

But the mum-of-three will be returning to Britain without her oversized implants. Katie, who made her name as glamour girl Jordan, is believed to be in America to have breast reduction surgery.

Last year she went under the knife to drop down from a 32G to a 32C. But Katie revealed in February that the reduction surgery had failed, taking her down to 32F instead.

However, the glamour model joked with photographers that she hadn’t decided what size her bust was going to be - giving the impression she may even have another enlargement.

In March she told viewers of the Paul O’Grady show that she would be returning this summer for her final operation.

[From the Daily Mail]

Katie actually did confirm to TMZ that she’s having a breast reduction. The Daily Mail phrases it as though it’s speculation with the “[Katie] is believed to be in America to have breast reduction surgery” comment for some reason.

In February Katie gave an in-depth interview to OK! about how dissatisfied she is with her body. At the time she’d had four surgeries on her breasts alone – so this will make number five by the age of thirty. She also said, “You know, I’ve had four breast surgeries so far, and each time I’m less and less satisfied. Maybe I should stop having breast surgeries.” It’s hard to tell if she’s forgetful, stupid, or suffering from body dysmorphic disorder. Regardless, I think her next trip to the doctor should be to a psychologist, just to be sure.

Katie Price is shown arriving at LAX with her husband Peter Andre on 8/4/08. CR: Revolutionpix/ Fame Pictures

Katie Price (aka “glamour model” Jordan) really doesn’t seem to have any idea that she’s not part of the upper echelon of society. I can’t claim to be totally in the know about who’s who in the U.K., but I’m pretty sure that if each one of your fake breasts is bigger than your head, you’re not going to be considered A-list anywhere. It’s a worldwide thing.

Katie is absolutely livid that she wasn’t invited to attend the Cartier Polo International match last weekend. To be fair, it wasn’t the most elite event: 35,000 other people were invited. But in Cartier’s defense, if Jordan came they would have had to cut the guest list down to 33,000 to make enough room for her boobs.

Jordan wrote a very upset piece for the Times Online in which she complains about being told she was “not the sort of person” Cartier wanted at the event. Here’s a few excerpts:

…I’m a successful author and businesswoman, a rider, I am learning to play polo and I compete in dressage events. I rode my first horse when I was 7, and saved up to rent my first pony, Star, when I was 11. He was the ugliest, hairiest pony in the yard but I adored him. My mum couldn’t afford for me to go to Pony Club but it didn’t stop me going to gymkhanas. I just wanted to beat all those smart little girls in their perfect jodphurs and jackets.

All my life I’ve been surrounded by horses, I earned my pocket money sweeping out stables and I now have six horses. I’ve been invited to take part in the Royal Horse of the Year show, I’ve even played a charity polo match at Cowdray Park.

My book Perfect Ponies: My Pony Care Book was shortlisted for the WHSmith children’s prize and I have written a bestselling series of stories about ponies. I know more about fetlocks and forelocks than most of the celebrities invited by Cartier and the Chinawhite nightclub. I’ve certainly mucked out more horses.

It’s pure snobbery. However good a horsewoman I may be, I’m also a glamour model. That embarrassed the organisers. I paid Chinawhite £6,000 for my table, but my manager was told that I was not the sort of person they wanted. Eliza Doolittle went to the races with Henry Higgins after a few elocution lessons, In Pretty Woman Julia Roberts went to the polo straight from Sunset Boulevard, but in the 21st century we have become even more class-ridden. Unless you are a toff or an aspiring actress, they don’t want you.

Polo should be for people who love horses, not a media charade. It should be about the sport. Horses are a wonderful hobby, one that gets you outside and keeps you fit. They should be for everyone - little girls, glamour girls, working-class girls like me. No one should be excluded.

[From the Times Online]

When I started writing this article I was translating all the British slang and equine terms in [brackets] above. But there’s so much of it that I’m just going to summarize: Katie Price is pissed. And she knows some big horse words to back it up. It annoys the crap out of me, but she actually has a really good point, especially at the end. I understand that Cartier and Jordan mix together like oil and water. But Katie Price clearly loves horses and has talked about it for a long time – even aiming for the Olympic equestrian team.

I never thought I’d defend Jordan, but she does have a successful career she built from nothing; she worked hard even as a little girl to be around horses and she hasn’t outgrown that love. She paid a lot of money like everyone else, only to hear that her $12,000 wasn’t good enough. I hope Cartier doesn’t make the same mistake next year. Because I really don’t ever want to agree with Katie Price again.

Here’s Katie Price promoting her new bedding range at Matalan Milton Keynes, England on Wednesday. Photographer: Vince Maher; Images thanks to WENN.

Get ready for the surprise of your life. Yes, this is one of those clichéd “you’d better be sitting for this” moments. British “glamour” model Katie Price (aka Jordan) has admitted that she doesn’t actually write any of her bestselling novels. And she’s released three of them – and fourteen other books as well. But she’s still more than happy to take all the credit for them.

Jordan says the concepts of each of the books is all her. She claims that she pretty much acts as an editor (though she doesn’t use that word… I’m not sure she knows it); directing her ghost writer on what’s supposed to happen in each chapter, then sending her off to write it on the typewriter. Yes, Katie also thinks stories are still written on typewriters. Or maybe she’s just delightfully old fashioned.

Far from writing her own novels, Miss Price - better known as Jordan - instead reveals she merely thinks up the plot - leaving the complex task of conjuring up the golden prose to an assistant.

“I’m not going to lie, I don’t sit there with a typewriter and write it, of course I don’t,” she said.

“I don’t have time to do that. I say how I want the storyline to be, each chapter is done, I read through it change it and then it goes away to be written.

“So I’m not going to sit here and say I write it word by word because I’d be lying. I actually say how I want the story and that’s how it happens.”

[From the Daily Mail]

Jordan’s first book sold 300,000 copies in six weeks; the second sold 160,000 in the first twelve weeks – bestsellers, to say the least. Celebrities using ghostwriters is nothing new. What’s annoying is how much credit Katie Price has taken for her books up to this point. Though the article only touches on her novels, one can only assume the ghostwriters worked their tails off on her other titles as well. They range from her three autobiographies to children’s picture books.

Price claims she’s too busy to actually write the books herself. So she has a ghostwriter for literary chores, a few nannies for the kids, a couple of housekeepers for the mansion… and I’m assuming a few ladies to have sex with her husband ? Maybe a couple of stunt models to walk the runway (or whatever it is a “glamour” model does), and probably someone to go to the bathroom for her as well? Sounds like a truly exhausting existence.

Here’s Jordan signing copies of her latest book ‘Angel Uncovered’ (which has already been reduced in price), at bookstore WHSmith in Surrey, England on Saturday. Images thanks to WENN.

Here are some absolutely gorgeous photos of Katie Price, aka “Jordan” at the launch for her latest book, Angel Uncovered. Yes, i say latest because price has put out no less than 17 books. 17. I wish there was a way I could capitalize numbers, to really show my shock and disdain. The current book is the third one to be about Britian’s top model. Because Price is very creative like that. she also says that other authors are jealous of her. I myself will admit to absolutely seething every time I see a picture of Price and a book that she’s “written.”. I’m just not seething with envy.

With the second book do you feel that you still have a lot to prove?

Well I’ve got 17 books out, they’ve all gone to number one so obviously I’m doing something right.

Do you think people can still be a bit snobby towards you?

Totally, especially at the book awards. It’s as if I shouldn’t be there. But I’ve got a right to be there like everybody else. I think they are just jealous because my books seem to sell more than most of theirs. But I can’t help that. I obviously write good stuff.

In the new book there seems to be quite a few Posh and Becks type stories in there?

The way I’ve done the book because obviously the industry I’m in, is like celebrity magazines, Wags and reality shows. That’s how I’ve done the book. It’s very today and very much what I’m involved in.

It’s good though. You’ve got the footballers and the wives when they go abroad, mixing with other Wags, fashion, babies, affairs, it’s all in there.

[From the BBC]

That’s some deep stuff right there. Here’s Jordan launching her new book at Borders Oxford Street in London today. Photographer: Daniel Deme. Images thanks to WENN.

That Jordan really gets around. Not just in the slutty sense – that girl will slap one of her names on just about any product. Back in the day, doing that used to be called a celebrity endorsement. But now we – the good consumer public – are supposed to believe that these are actually products designed and put out by the celebs themselves, which is absolutely ridiculous. Where is Ralph Nader when you really need him? Jordan – nee Katie Price – has written a host of books, including three autobiographies. She actually thinks she’s that interesting. But Katie isn’t satisfied with merely sticking her name on some awkwardly ghost-written books. Good ol Jordan wants to stick her name on a host of new goods – namely sex toys.

Glamour girl Jordan is aiming to bring out her own range of condoms and sex toys. The goods, including vibrators and massage devices, will have a logo featuring the busty model’s naked silhouette. Jordan has applied to the UK Intellectual Property Office to have the symbol registered.

She is also launching more traditional toys and even fruit machines.

The 29-year-old star has already registered a logo in her real name, Katie Price, for haircare appliances — with hearts above the “I’s”. She wants to extend it to a range of other products, including jewelery, clothing and cosmetics — and even horse whips and saddlery.

Jordan, a keen rider, will be given a decision on her new logo by the UK IPO in three months.

[From the Sun]

Jordan is famous for her ridiculously large boobs, and sexuality in general. So slapping her name on a vibrator doesn’t seem that out of place. It gets a little more unusual when you get to traditional children’s toys. God forbid a tired shelf stocker not be paying enough attention and stick a vibrator in the wrong section. Or worse yet, some fuzzy stuffed kids toy in with the adult merchandise. But where it really gets creepy is the fruit machine. I wasn’t exactly sure what a fruit machine was – I’m imagining it’s some type of dehydrator perhaps. Either way, going from sex toys to cooking appliances is quite the leap. Branching out to horse whips and saddlery – well to be fair, if seen in the wrong context, those could make a lot of sense. But Jordan is marketing them for the traditional equine-riding buyer. Can you imagine a famous jockey bragging about his Katie Price saddle? I’m sure the pink suede and rhinestones will really add some flare. Katie already has a line of lingerie out in the UK. It’s sensibly designed for women with a larger, Katie-sized bust. Given the writing, the designing of bras, the toys, and the kitchen appliances, you’d think Jordan would be satisfied. But I guarantee you, within the year you’ll be hearing about the Katie Price computer hard drive and memory chip, along with the Katie Price lint shaver and vegan sausage product.

Here’s Jordan doing her best grown-up-no-longer-a-skank impression while signing copies of her third autobiography “Jordan: Pushed To The Limit” at Waterstone’s in Essex on February 22, 2008. Images thanks to PR Photos.

“Mom of the year”/obsessive plastic surgery victim/sorta model Jordan (aka Katie Price) has given an excruciatingly long and in-depth interview to OK! Magazine in which she’s talked about her displeasure with her body, even after what seems like a million surgeries - and at least four on her breasts alone. Jordan says she had her globe-sized implants removed, but her breasts still aren’t small enough. Or perky enough. Or bolted-on looking, which is what she actually told the surgeon she wanted. That look that screams bad/fake looking boob job is what Jordan was aiming for but didn’t get. So now she’s going to go under the knife again, for the gajillionith time.

“When I saw my boobs I was disappointed because they looked big and I wanted them to be a lot smaller. My words to the doctor beforehand were: ‘I want to go a lot smaller. More pert. More stuck-on looking. But I still want people to think I’ve got big boobs.” Katie, who is married to singer Peter Andre and has three children, added: “I’m really disappointed. In fact I’m going back to the States to get them re-done.”

Explaining why she isn’t impressed, Katie continued: “They look fine in bra but they hang too low when I’m standing up and it’s really bad when I’m lying down. There’s about a four inch gap. I’ve had three boob jobs done before and I’ve seen enough other ones to know what they should look like and they’re not right. I’ve also got indents so you can see where the implant is sitting and there’s excess skin so the doctor either hasn’t filled the skin up enough or he hasn’t removed enough skin.”

[From the Daily Mail]

So instead of saying to herself, “You know, I’ve had four breast surgeries so far, and each time I’m less and less satisfied. Maybe I should stop having breast surgeries,” Jordan’s natural reaction is to go under the knife for a fifth time. It seems like there’s a real contradiction between what she’s saying. “they looked big and I wanted them to be a lot smaller” and in the next breath “But I still want people to think I’ve got big boobs.” You see how it could be a little challenging for a surgeon to please her, given her request. Katie’s also spent a ton of money on getting her teeth done - and she’s not happy with any of it. But the best part is the end of her quote. Wait for it, it’s priceless.

Katie said she is so upset with the staggering £43,000 cosmetic surgery that she is warning others to stay natural has even vowed not to have any more done herself. She said: “I can’t believe this is the first time I’ve paid for surgery and this is the first time it went wrong.

“My boobs and nose were £18,000 and my gnashers [teeth] were £25,000. But they are [botched] as well. Mine are so sensitive now it’s like they’ve filed them down too much and have hit all my nerve endings. It hurts constantly. It feels like I’ve got electricity going through my teeth.”

She added: “I tell you what - anyone reading this, just stay natural because I’ve been through all this and look at the state of me. They [botched] up my boobs and they [botched] up my teeth and I’ve been in pain for six weeks. I don’t want any more surgery, though. I’ve had enough! I’ve had enough of anaesthetics and I’ve had enough of recovering.

[From the Daily Mail]

Wow, so you look the worse for wear, you’re out a lot of money, you’re completely dissatisfied with the results, your advice to everyone is to stay natural, and you “don’t want any more surgery… I’ve had enough!” BUT, the subject of your whole interview is how you’re having more surgery to get your boobs and teeth redone. Well thought out my friend, well thought out. Jordan, should you ever stumble upon our site, could I recommend you peruse this article? Thanks.

Picture Note by JayBird: Here’s a side shot of Jordan’s new, toned-down boobs as she arrives back to the UK from her surgery in the US on December 22nd. Images thanks to Splash. Header of her promoting her line of larger sized lingerie in 2006.

The former nanny to Katie Price (aka Jordan) and Peter Andre’s children, Becky Gauld, has a few things to say about the reality show couple. If you watch their dreadful show, you know that in the season finale last year, Becky was fired from her job as caretaker to Katie and Peter’s two sons because she took a holiday against Katie’s wishes. Since then, Becky has taken the pair to court for wrongful termination and won. Now, she’s going to the tabloids and telling them that Jordan isn’t the devoted mom she appears to be on TV.

Becky, 25, stormed: “Their life is very different to the one on TV. The reality is she’s selfish and self-centred - and NOT the perfect mum.

“If viewers had seen what I saw off-camera they’d be astounded. The only thing they do as a family is photoshoots.”

In the revealing interview she tells how Jordan:

ALLOWED overweight thyroid disorder sufferer Harvey to eat TWENTY chicken nuggets at once - even though she’d been told by doctors he could DIE if he didn’t diet.

WAS QUIZZED by SOCIAL SERVICES after the blind autistic youngster scalded himself in a bath of hot water.

TAUGHT Harvey to say “f*** off just so she and Andre could raise a laugh from their friends at a barbecue.

ASTONISHINGLY sent Becky a TEXT from her bed summoning her nanny from her cottage in the grounds of the £2.5 million mansion at 4AM… because the star couldn’t be bothered to get up and cope with Junior crying in a nearby room.

Becky told the paper: “When she was named Celebrity Mum Of The Year by Grattan last year I laughed.

[From The Sun]

Becky goes on to say that the ‘devoted parents’ routine is just that–a routine. The pair only cuddle and play with the children when the cameras are on, but when there’s no one around to impress, they were all too eager to dump the kids on the nanny. Apparently, Peter likes to hang out in his recording studio, while Jordan is more worried about her beauty treatments than changing diapers. The nanny expressed particular concern for Jordan’s oldest son, Harvey, who is autistic, blind, and suffers from a thyroid disorder.

Jordan has blamed her son’s weight problems on him hating vegetables, saying: “The doctors told me, ‘If he doesn’t go on a diet he could die’. I said, ‘I’m telling you now, he will not eat vegetables. He only wants to eat chicken nuggets or anything with potato’.”

But Becky - whose interview can be seen in full at notw.co.uk - says: “That is total rubbish, he WOULD eat vegetables - you just had to have patience and you had to hide them.

“I used to give him Bernard Matthews mini kievs and hide green beans inside. She’d seen me doing it but she knew it took PATIENCE to get him to eat them.

“Harvey’s weight problems were due to his condition but she also fed him the wrong things. They would sometimes give him up to 20 packets of raisins a day.”

On a holiday to Cyprus the nanny watched in horror as the couple fed him a mountain of fast food.

“In a McDonalds Peter bought him 20 chicken nuggets and chips and brought them back to the car,” she said. “Then he and Katie went shopping while Harvey bolted them down.

“I didn’t want him to eat them but I was not his mum. They went on holiday in America for ten days and he lost nearly a stone when I looked after him. I just gave him healthy food and exercise.”

Is it true– or is it sour grapes? While Jordan has not officially responded to the story, sources say she is very upset and plans to refute these claims. Becky certainly has a motive to paint Jordan as a bad mother. It can’t be easy to be fired from your job on national television– I would probably want some revenge on my employers if that’s how they chose to sack me. It wouldn’t be the first time a disgruntled former employee told tall tales about their boss to get even. However, Becky did win a court case against the pair, which adds a certain air of credibility to the story. And she has since found employment with another family. However, she did go running to The Sun, which means she was probably paid to tell her story.

I think Jordan’s a tacky, no-talent attention-whore, but I’ve always given her credit as a caring mother who seems to cope well with raising a child with so many disabilities. If the nanny is telling the truth, I hope there is some kind of investigation into what’s going on in that house. But with so many cameras pointed at Jordan and her kids on a daily basis, it’s hard to believe that someone other than the nanny wouldn’t have noticed all these things.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Thanks to DListed for these image from the January, 2006 issue of OK! Magazine.

There’s nothing I love more than a celebrity fued, and this one is between Liam Gallagher and Peter Andre! When I was at school, the cool kids liked Oasis and the dorks liked Peter Andre. I liked his abs.

Liam was asked during a television interview last week who he’d like to collaborate with, who he’d like to text and who he’d like to ignore. He was given the names Dolly Parton, Peter Andre and Sir Trevor McDonald, a British news anchor, to chose from.

He replied: “I’d call Trevor McDonald, I’d text Peter Andre and I’d ignore Dolly Parton. The only reason I’d text Peter Andre is to say, ‘What the f*** are you on about man? Where’d you get my f***ing number from, you f***ing pikey ****?’ “

On hearing this, Peter hit back in a magazine interview.

Pete fumed in New magazine: “I read somewhere that Liam Gallagher has been calling me all sorts of names. I found this quite surprising because when I last saw Liam he couldn’t have been friendlier to me and Katie. I’d go as far as to say that he was totally up our backsides!

“We bumped into him at a Radio 1 event and he told us how great he thought we were and how his mother Peggy was a big fan. It’s such a shame he was too much of a coward to tell us how he really felt to our faces instead of being two-faced. That man is all mouth and no trousers!”

[Both quotes New Zealand Herald]

Maybe Peter should have given Liam an autograph for his mum.

Then again, there is no chance that Liam Gallagher, who is possibly the biggest poser in the British industry, is going to admit that he likes or even tolerates Peter Andre. Even if his mum is a fan. I wonder what his mother thinks of his language?

Next time you see Peter Andre, watch out Liam. I’ve seen those abs.

In other Peter Andre news, his wife Katie Price aka Jordan is getting a breast reduction for Christmas. And her New Year’s resolution? Not to show her boobs to anyone but her husband. Does this means she’s retiring?

Header image is an older one of Peter Andre as it’s the only headshot I could find without Jordan in it. Liam Gallagher is shown outside his brother Noel’s birthday party on 5/26/07, thanks to WENN. Peter Andre and Jordan are shown outside Gary Cockerill’s birhday party on 9/30/07, thanks to Splash News and PR Photos.

The first Pictures of Peter Andre and Jordan’s (whoops, I mean Katie Price) baby girl are out. And she doesn’t really look like either of them.

Jordan said: “She looks really different from both the other kids - she’s got fair, gingery hair and really blue eyes.

“The health visitor said she would put money on them not changing colour. It’s weird, she must be a throwback from my side because my real dad has blue eyes and I don’t know where the ginger comes from. Pete gets a bit of ginge in his beard.”

Andre joked: “Actually we had a ginger gardener.”

But the reality TV star, real name Katie Price, claims Tiaamii’s hair won’t effect her love, adding: “I don’t mind, I love her anyway, even if she’s a ginge!”

Actually, I think when people are horrible about people with red hair, that’s as bad as being racist.”

RTE

I’m not saying anything about Katie’s comment about racism. Except that she must have been having a blonde moment. Tee hee!! Sorry Katie.

In these pictures, did Katie have to take her clothes off? And if you are going to go the skin-to-skin bonding pictures with your baby, shouldn’t the child be nude too?

Anyway, all babies are cute, and this one is no exception. And as soon as I work out how to pornounce it’s name, I’ll stop calling it ‘it’.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Thanks to DListed and Seriously? OMG! WTF? for these pics. Note that the baby is using one of those rhinestone-encrusted pacifiers - the ones that were recently recalled for being a severe choking hazard and using crystals that contain a lot of lead.

Katie Price, who explained her dream wedding to her manager by showing her a barbie dream carriage, has named her third child, a three week-old daughter, “Princess Tiáamii” with an accent on the first a, to “make it a bit more exotic,” as if the name needed any help in that department. Price is better known as “Jordan” and is a British psuedo-celebrity who made a name for herself by appearing on reality shows and showing up to events wearing ridiculous body-baring outfits. She’s a great businesswoman also, and has written a bunch of autobiographies, launched lingerie and jewelry lines and put out an album with her husband, Peter Andre. She has a fortune that’s said to be around $60 million. [Details from Wikipedia]

Now she’s given her daughter a ridiculous name, and can join the ranks of other deluded celebrities who doom their children to years of taunting:

“Her name is Princess Tiaamii. Princess because she is our princess and Tiaamii was Pete’s idea because it’s taken from our mums’ names.

“We’ve put an accent over the first ‘a’ to make it a bit more exotic and two ‘i’s at the end just to make it look a bit different.

“We love it because it’s unique, plus it means something special to us. I’m going to get a tattoo on the back of my neck with a crown and ‘Princess’ underneath.”

Former pop star Andre added: “Katie always loved the name Princess but everyone thought it was a bit over the top. I loved it too but I wanted to name her after both our mums and then I just woke up one morning and thought ‘I know! We’ll just put them together!’.

“If people don’t like it, that’s up to them. We’re really happy and proud.”

[From The Daily Mail]

This woman also bragged about how she had sex with her husband again after he battled life-threatening meningitis, saying his manhood was “still nice and big” after his illness, and that his manscaping left him “bald as a badger” down there. She’ll find other ways to embarrass this child than just calling her Princess Tiáamii.

This brings to mind the poor children of Paula Yates, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom, and Pixie. There are plenty of other examples of celebrity children with odd names, and here are my favorites:

[Details from Yeahbaby.com, perfect-baby-names and The Sydney Morning Herald]

Apple really doesn’t sound that bad now.